Gavin de Becker
The Guardian
What holds, and what fails, under pressure, standards and accountability.
Gavin de Becker reads as The Guardian because protection is not a theme in his work, it is the work itself. A security expert and author of The Gift of Fear, he treats vigilance as a discipline that can be taught rather than a temperament one is born with.
“One is something called symbolic violence, and symbolic violence is the destruction of tearing up wedding pictures. You come home in the wedding gown is torn up. That's symbolic violence. Another one is the pace of the relationship at the beginning. You go back to when it was still good.”
“In cases where men don't let go and persist in stalking and what have you, there are situations where women relocate. It is like the witness protection program. There are situations where they move to other states. There are so many extreme answers, but we try to look for the simpler answers when we're in these situations.”
“It's the toughest question. It's the toughest one, and why it takes so much courage to get out of a relationship that's violent because you are concerned about your safety, the kids' safety, and then all the other issues like support and what have you. The best answer that I have is you cannot do it alone.”
“And the good news is you don't have to. There are resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which is the hotline.org, www.thehotline.org. And there are resources like Battered Women's Shelters in your community. And a lot of women think, well, I'm not going to a Battered Women's Shelter. That's the last thing I want to do.”
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