YouSaid · the spoken record

Aminatou Sow

lines on the record: 78
first: 2020-06-24
most recent: 2020-06-24
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“I've been hiding on the internet, but you can find me at Aminatu AMINATOU on Twitter and on Instagram. I can't wait till I can hug you again, Kara Swisher.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The thing that Of what's going on It's not just Mark Zuckerberg that has to pay. It's your friends. No, I absolutely agree. I always feel like I'm failing my friends because of time and stuff like that. But I think we all feel, I think it's critically important. And I am thrilled that you are a friend of mine. I recommend everybody read this book. It's called Big Friendship, How We Keep Each Close. I think what we need is friends a lot more friends in this life these days. It's a difficult time and I know I sound corny, but it's critically important. Anyway, thank you, Amina, for coming on the show.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Everyone should be made to account for what they believe in, and you should have consequences. You should have consequences in your intimate relationships for how you are speaking out and what you were standing up for. That's true for all of us.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I have seen you like call bullshit on people who were, you know, misbehaving in all sorts of ways. And I've seen you like really be an ally to all sorts of communities. And so that, you know, it's one thing. The thing that you tell me, the things that you tell me are one thing, but also, you know, we all have two eyes and we're all aware of what's going on. And sometimes there are breakdowns and sometimes they're not. But I think that most people most people have to contend with some kind of difference and we find a way to do it. Now on social media, it's a contest to the bottom. But the truth is that when you sit at your dinner table or you are scrolling through your phone and you have to talk to people, you figure out a way to do it. And if people are willing to engage, they engage. And if they're not willing to engage or they are conducting themselves in a way that really cuts to who you are as a person or try to endanger you politically, then, you know, that's a different ballgame.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He's not qualified to wrestle with you, but that's a different podcast. But you know, I think that people will very easily say like, oh, you can just talk about it or you can deal with it. Institutional racism exists inside and outside of your friendship and inside of your friendships you're going to have to learn how to contend with it. I have only successfully been able to be friends with people who are able to understand the moment that we're in. They know what it means and they are willing to wrestle with it. People will always be different. Sometimes your difference is race. Sometimes your difference is sexuality. Sometimes your difference is gender. They're not new concepts. But the generosity of spirit of being open to dealing with difference is something that I think you instinctively know whether your friend wants to do it or not. And so it's very easy to have a straw man. It's a completely different story when you were talking about someone that you know intimately. And also, you know, people will tell you with their words, but you see what their actions, you know, I in my friendship with you, I have seen you countless times stick up for things that are really important.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, you know, I think that I like I can only speak to this particular friendship between a black person and a friendship between a black person and a white person. Not all interracial relationships follow that script. There are people of all sorts of races. I think that what I recognize in my friendship with the white people that say that they mean well is that we are very good about talking about racism and racial justice and injustice when it is happening in the world we are not very good at talking about it when it is happening in our friendship because it's painful it's one thing to get mad at like a twitter troll or to yell at you know a Trump tweet but What does it look like when you say, hey Kara, what are you doing today about institutional racism or what about this incident that happened and you have to contend with it?”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and how did I end on that? What is that? Because right now, of course, everyone's sort of, people are very careful, people are trying to figure out what to talk about. Is there anything, I don't want to give advice because I think most people should know how to be friends with people. But talk about that, this interracial relationship of yours between you and Anne.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Listen, I'll take her. Listen, I think that it really depends. I don't subscribe to you can be friends with people who think differently from you. I'm like, I, for example, I'm a black person who is friends with a lot of white people. And let me tell you, they're alone. There is a lot of disagreement. I think that it matters what the disagreement is and it matters how it is expressed in your relationship. I have friends who have completely different politics for me because I went to college in Texas. Some of those friendships have survived and some of them have not because I think that it depends what it cuts into. You know, my friends who are very much like.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Kara, for the record, I love your mother. And even though we disagree politically, she is legit in my top five. Love her.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And then actually I do have one more last question. In these partisan times, and everyone's mad at each other and stuff like that, what do you do when you have a friend that you would disagree with politically, or don't you have those anymore? Do people not just not have them? They just have to deal with their family, like my mother.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And, you know, and sometimes you are able to be honest with that person and sometimes you're not, but I think that part of being a grown-up is at least trying to muddle through it.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is really shitty and it's not ideal. I don't think that friendship is forever. Like all relationships you cycle in and out of them. I do think though that in friendship specifically there is this shorthand of always blaming someone else for the breakdown and we have these really easy shorthands for them. And I think that sometimes you really have to dig deep and figure out like what is it that is not working and be honest about that.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, I think that my significant friendship that broke down in my 20s with someone that I was very, very, very close with, and when, you know, we had a lot of problems and everything I just didn't want to deal with it. And my answer to that was being like, oh, she's just toxic, which is such an easy, it's such a really easy way out. And some friendships really are toxic. But if I am really honest, that friendship was not, that person was actually not toxic, but our dynamic was very toxic because we were in this feedback loop that was not helpful. And we had an explosive fight and never spoke again. And a couple of years later, she got back in touch with me. And I remember feeling very much like, oh, it's so kind that you are in touch with me. I have no desire to be your friend, but I really had to admit to her that I was not proud of the fact that I did not have a conversation.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't think that it is necessarily a bad thing. I will only tell you about my own experience. When I think about some significant friendships that have ended, I don't have regrets about the friendships themselves ending, but I do have regret about how I handled it.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“All right, lastly, I want to talk about friends ending. Like you did talk a little bit about that with your therapy, but is it the worst thing in the world? There was a story in the New York Times, I think, about that recently. There's been a lot of studies of that. Is that a bad thing or can it be a good thing to refresh your friends?”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's exciting. It's like you send them, you know, it's like you slide into the DMs or you meet a new person or through a works in the same way that you would if we were leaving the house. You just meet strangers. Like I am still meeting strangers online or through work or through the internet. But it is a real challenge not to be able to see people in person because my preferred mode of being with people is to create in-person time. And so that has been a real, real challenge. So I do not have the answer for that, but I am sure that some better people than me are figuring it out.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The new friends have been really tough. I've been thinking about this a lot because there is a part of me that's like, well, the friends I have are the friends I have. This is it. But, you know, even in non-pandemic moments, people made internet friends. And so I have, you know, in the last couple of weeks, I have found it like really interesting to friend flirt with a couple of new people. And it's like.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. I think that we all felt like we needed to connect, which is a really good instinct. And also, I think that, you know, there's just this psychological thing about when you are, it's almost like work from home infiltrating the work from home ethos is infiltrating your personal life. And there's just a sense that you have to keep up with everyone at the same time. And I think that recognizing that you still only have 24 hours in the day, pandemic or not, now you also have to deal with the existential dread of the whole situation and preserving your own feelings. I think that it's fine to say to your closest friends, hey, I'm having a really hard time. I will call you. I will try to do these things, but I cannot handle being on, you know, large group calls. If like me, you are an introvert. This is not true of our extroverted.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is in those first weeks, everyone, in my life at least, there was this influx of we have to have these large hangouts all the time. And I was like, I am drained already in a non-pandemic moment when I have to be in forced to hang out mode with people and I have to deal with 100 of them. So there's no reason to replicate that just because we're forced to be at home. There are other mechanisms for keeping in touch.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I actually do see Zoom. Like Zoom is for work. I think that you need to be really platform specific about what you do. I was like, Zoom is for work. I will do a work call. If I want to talk to my friends, I will pick up the phone and call them or I will FaceTime them because I am an iOS user. We have other mechanisms for checking in with people. I think that a thing that happened at the beginning of the pandemic in the same way that everyone was hoarding toilet paper, which was not the instinct that you needed.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, you and I are in a pandemic friendship in the sense that we do not live in the same city and we still keep up. That's normal whether there's a pandemic or not, right? And so I think that a thing that I have been encouraging a lot of people with this question about is to really dig deep into that place of what are all of the coping skills that you have to stay in touch with someone who you don't see every day. And we all at least have one, you know, one of those people in our lives. I was like, if you went to university, you probably have multiple of those. Yep. Somewhere in a city that you didn't grow up in. You know a lot of those people. And so I think that it is really about it's not about compartmentalizing, but it really is about like, how do you just keep in touch? And something like picking up the phone, I refuse to do Zooms with friends. Like I just completely refuse.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You were never going to be left out. But it does have this really, I mean, I don't quite know what to answer, you know, when my kids are like that. Like they didn't call me back and I wasn't this or their friend. It's this idea. I think there is, there's a lot of countries where their screens really hurt us or don't hurt us. But I definitely, you know, with young women, for example, there's definitely impact. And that's been shown over and over again. And so how do you conduct a friendship when you have?”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And the truth is that if instead of just looking at the party and feeling left out, you just said, hey, All hanging out. Can You know, which is for a long time we have all said it's not a chill thing to do or it's not a cool thing to do. Give people the benefit of the doubt in the sense that they are not excluding you as much as everyone has so many things to juggle. Everyone is not really thoughtful about including someone, but this goes back to that thing about being proactive, though, Kara, right? It's like if you want to be, if you want to be in the center of the social circle, you probably should be the one doing the inviting. And then you're never going to be left out.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, it's a really weaponized form of FOMO you are seeing in real time that people are where you are not. I personally do not suffer from FOMO. I suffer from Jomo. The joy of missing out. I love to not be a part of things.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But it is interesting about forming for him because I think about my kids in Snapchat, that can just devastate them with their friends when they, one is they physically see, they see pictures physically, digital pictures of other people having fun. It definitely hits them. The idea of whether someone has them on red or whatever the heck on Snapchat, I've had more conversations about that with my kids about being rejected really it's about being not being called back, but actually knowing you're not being called back.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Or a person. And there are all these studies You follow a lot of strangers, you probably feel really bad about yourself. But if you follow most of your Better about yourself.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And the truth is that, you know. And the truth is that You know, like everything else is everything else is private. And I don't believe that. We have to become these hyper transparent people online. It's like, no, your private life should be your private life. But I do think that we should all be interrogating the assumptions that we make about other people. And so this section, the research that I think was really important to me in looking at this is, you know, it's all of the stuff about thinking about how people peer into each other's lives online. And so Have a rule for myself that I mostly only follow my friends on Instagram, for example, because I don't want to be a tourist in their lives and I don't want to be a tour Life of random influencer.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Can be really guilty of participating in the envy economy of social media because all we are doing is sharing positive things. Why would I get online to rant about my friends? Like that is, that's for your group chat and it's for your therapist or it's for your friend. Why would you share that in a public forum? It makes no sense. And yet because we are relentlessly sharing positive things, people make assumptions out of all of those gaps. People will, you know, people will always assume that. Kara's life. Your life is hunky dory. All you're doing is wearing tech merch and like toady or cute family around.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes. Yeah, it is. They snapped. They did a lot of things. You could see they're obviously close friends. But the idea of performativeness, like that you do only post pictures of happiness, or there's never like that person pissed me off. You're very careful not to. And it's also can become an important part of friendship is here we are. This is us in our happy. We're at the spa or whatever we're, you know, this is these are my close girlfriends or whatever.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Talking to each other offline. And those gaps are really big and painful. And I think a lot of people are just not adept about talking about it. I know myself that I have been really confused about online behavior or I have made a lot of assumptions about what I am, you know, what I'm saying or I'm doing online. And it's one thing for a stranger to ingest that information, but it is completely different when someone who knows me very well is trying to understand. What's going on there.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Problem is less about Instagram than it is about well, what happens if you are performing in a way online that it cannot be reconciled with the way that you”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“About Oprah and Gail's friendship, a thing that was really fascinating because it's a friendship that everyone reveres. Don't actually know anything about that friendship. You know that they're friends, you have some biographical details, you know, you know all the things they've told you, but you don't know the last time Oprah got mad at Gail. You don't know what they talk about when no one is there. You don't know the minutiae of that friendship. And so in that regard, social media is, it is very, very performative, right? And people will tend to, it's like you can do outrage or you can do positivity. And with your friends, you always want to do positivity. We are not people like Anna and I don't believe that social media or, you know, technology is good or bad for friendship. We think it has total neutral value and that the people or who decide.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's an interesting thing. So, what do you do? Like when it's this idea of social media is so performative. And you mentioned Gail and Oprah, who I think are actually quite, seem to be very good friends, but are quite performative. So talk about this life in social media and friendship.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Even if we were trying hard not to fall into the trap, it's easy to adopt the positivity or outrage binary of social media. And when it comes to how we both projected our friendship, of course we opted for positivity over and over again. Anything in between those two poles felt too personal to put online. It's fine to deal with friendship strife without blasting it all over the internet. The problem was that we weren't articulating much of the messy middle part to each other offline either. We were finding it difficult to speak freely to each other about the places we felt hurt or raw. Frankly, it was just easier to cheer for each other, chat about the news, share a superficial laugh, unite in the fantasy that everything was easy and uplifting in our friendship.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Feelings about gossip or mismatch expectations about our friend web. We were talking about race but not about the acute specific pain it caused in our friendship. On social networking sites such as Facebook, we think we will be presenting ourselves but our profiles end up as somebody else, often the fantasy of who we want to be. Distinctions blur writes Sherry Turkle in her book Alone Together.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“With the benefit of hindsight, it's easy to see how the gap opened up between our private and public friendships. Social media is designed to encourage posts that either project positivity or provoke outrage. And while we were often outraged about the news, our posts about each other were relentlessly positive and seemingly uncomplicated. We talked about the ways we were proud of each other. We selected cute selfies and modeled chine theory. If you'd ask either of us how we felt about the other in big picture terms, we would deliver a speech so full of love and admiration it would bring tears to your eyes, like that clip of Oprah getting choked up about Gail. Those feelings were certainly true, especially at the deepest level, but it wasn't the only experience of our friendship. Publicly, we were not going into detail about where we felt strain. We were not talking about the small misunderstandings and missteps that shook our sense of security and mutual understanding. We described how much we loved all women getaways like desert ladies, but not our complicated”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, you're like me and Anne. We talk about being like social initiators because we are always the people who will invite you to dinner. We will always send a spreadsheet, buy an extra ticket to a concert. If someone says they want to do something, we'll remember it and do it. But you have to be proactive. And I think about that a lot in the pandemic because as our circles have just gotten smaller, you know, it really feels like there are no new friends in the pandemic. Like everyone you know is everyone you know know”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Do you get the thing though where you also realize sometimes that you, because you are a prolific friend maker, but do you realize that sometimes you are the one that's doing all of the approaching? And if the other person doesn't reach out, then they also just drop out of your life because.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“With those people, if you leave your Well, there's a lot of situational friends. I was thinking some other day. I'm like, I used to hang around that person a lot. And then I realized it was something with my kid. You know what I mean? Like, and I just don't. I don't that didn't make the leap.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Saw at this, I don't know, softball league or whatever it is that people do now, young people in cities do. Are you still going to be friends with those people? So you do have to find a way to graduate them beyond the situational. And sometimes it works outside and sometimes it doesn't, but you have to talk about it.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, I do think that you're right that there are situational friends. In my own life, I remember being so excited about making friends that were not kids that were like friends of my parents' kids, that were not people I went to school with. And I always had a really weird thing about having a wall at work because I never really wanted to be friends with my coworkers. I have gotten over it, obviously. But I remember that like, you know, that early 20s, the people that you meet like not in college, not at your job, but in the city that you live in, feeling exhilarated by that because it felt like a new kind of friend. But I do think that, you know, some people have all sorts of friends, but it's also true that if you're situationally friends with someone, is it going, like if the situation changes, can you still be friends with those people? If you leave your job, like, you know, is your work wife still going to be your workwife? You move cities and that person was a person that you only”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because it means that Right, that's true. That's true. Some people don't like it, I'll tell you that for sure. I think it's a really interesting thing. I spend a lot more time on friends than you would. I think people would be surprised because I work a lot. You know what I mean? Of course, you have work friends. I mean, talk about this because some people are work friends. There's like situational friends, right? Then there's friends of your kids that you become friends through your kids. Then there's like, is there when you were talking about big friends?”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't give gifts. You don't give gifts, Kara, but you are always paying attention. You know, like in our friendship, that is the thing that I notice all the time. Like you are always very good at having your pulse on is something bothering you. You also are very direct with the way that you ask questions. You are never someone who tap dances around like, you know, like, are you mad? Are you sad? Are you whatever? It just comes out immediately. And that's something that I have deeply appreciated over the years with you because it means that I don't have to tap dance around you either.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, yeah. Anne and I celebrate our friend anniversary. Actually, I celebrate my friend anniversaries with a lot of friends. So that is a thing that is there. I try to build in some like really intense rituals with a couple of friends. There was like one friend that I go on the same trip with every year and that is our thing that we do. Sometimes it's the only thing we do all year, but it's deeply important. Never moves. We're very good. We are big gift givers in our friendship. And so we're very good at the small like, hi, I noticed that you need this thing. Here you go. Just finding small ways to tell someone that you remember that they're there. You are a really intensely good person at just like knowing what people need.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And things that have nothing to do with, I don't know, like getting married or having a baby shower or whatever, all of those things are great, but we are not particularly adept at saying, hi, Kara, you and I have a, we have a friend anniversary coming up every year. We're going to go, you know, like every year we're going to go do this thing. So that is really important. And it's also important to just keep checking in. And so I know that this sounds very, it sounds very high level, but the truth is that two people's relationship, they're the only two people that know the boundaries of those, right? And so I hesitate to give some like prescriptive advice because there is not any. But over and over again, overwhelmingly, we heard from experts, we heard from our own friends, we heard from people who have been through it that you have to talk about it, you have to check in, and you have to build in a way to tell each other that you're in it for the long haul.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So the things that we heard over and over again will not surprise you. Communication, communication, communication, you have to overcommunicate with people. You have to keep showing up. The only way to stay friends is to keep being friends, but you have to keep showing up. But you also have to build rituals into your friendship. It's why it's so important to celebrate things that have that are important in why it's so important to celebrate things in friendship.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We are not in therapy because the therapy that we did is a short, it's a module. Like Anne said in the book she writes, she was like, well, it made her feel like it was curable because it was not a forever kind of therapy. But we still, you know, we still check in and we are, you know, like we are willing and able to go back to therapy for a tune up. So I think it really opened my eyes to the fact that you have to try you have to try a couple different things.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It was truly, how do we communicate about what is going on in this friendship and how do we find a common language? And so it was really helpful for that, but I will not lie to you. It is expensive and it is painful and it is a huge privilege to be able to afford that.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I was seeking only to be able to communicate clearly, you know, like when you know this, when you're in a friendship with someone or any kind of relationship. One of the biggest frustrations is if you feel like you are not being heard or you just are saying you're misinterpreting each other. And I am someone who needs to be fully self-expressed or I cannot sleep at night. It just irks me. And so to be that close to someone and to really not understand them was a puzzle that I couldn't fix. And I think that when I walked into therapy, my goal was not, I want to save this friendship”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know, and there's such a model for this. It's like, oh, if you're a co founder, like you have to find a way to talk to each other because guess what? Capitalism really wants everyone to get along for the sake of the company. And so in an interesting way, like that was the model that we had, but we It was the most awkward thing in the world to reach out to these therapists and ask, but everyone was really willing to work with us. And in the end, it really worked for us.”
2020-06-24 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Aminatou Sow · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT