YouSaid · the spoken record

Brad Feld

lines on the record: 163
first: 2020-07-23
most recent: 2020-07-23
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“But it's worth touching on that. And then the startup community community is an online community that I just started a couple, maybe 10 days ago from the time we're talking that's part of the new book that I've got coming out at the end of July called The Startup Community Way. I've been obsessed about the idea of startup community since I wrote the first book around it in 2012 when the phrase startup communities didn't exist. And so a thing I've wanted to exist since I wrote that book was a community for anyone around the world that was interested in startup communities, which is most entrepreneurs, but then lots of other people. And nobody had ever created it. So I just decided to create one using a tool called Mighty Networks that's really quite interesting and well done. And, you know, in a very short order of opening it up to people.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it is really helpful to sometimes just sort of look out the window or sit in your backyard and feel like I actually don't have anything I have to be doing right now other than be right here. And for many people in Today's world, it's hard to do. And so I've let that be part of it, which is okay, I've got my day off on Saturday to hear the three books I'm going to read and I'm going to go for a run. I'm going to make sure I get all these things done and I'm going to, that's not what it's for. It's for just take a deep breath, reflect and let the day unfold.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Here's the flip side of it that I think is so amazingly wonderful in some ways. I like to take naps in the afternoon, so I pretty much take a nap every Saturday afternoon. And I remember, this is a long time ago, I remember a Saturday afternoon and I'm a big reader and I just didn't feel like reading and I had gone for a run and I had taken a nap. And I was kind of bored, which almost never happens to me because I fill up my world with stuff all the time, right? I don't allow myself the luxury of being bored because I always have too much to do, which is a whole nother version of it's basically boredom aversion, right? Like, I don't want to be bored, so therefore I will find more stuff to do because I'm afraid of not having anything to do. That's in and of itself.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And just trying to rally a bunch of people in the private sector to help the state. And specifically, we have a fantastic governor in Colorado Jeripolos, who's a very successful entrepreneur and a good friend. And sort of in that period, I think I skipped three weeks. So I worked all day Saturday, all day Sunday. And by the end of the third week of that, I was broken. Like I could feel I was done. Like I wasn't going to make it another week unless I took a break. And so in a lot of ways it's helped me sustain a pretty heavy work intensity over a long period of time by really completely disconnecting for that 24 hour period.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The week off the grid to Friday night to, and I do it to Sunday morning because I found that if I got back on the grid Saturday night, that was kind of silly from my frame of reference, kind of defeats the purpose. And we kind of use Sundown as the trigger, although it's not a hard boundary. And, you know, Colorado in the summer, sun doesn't go down until 8.30 right now. And we have a place in Alaska. Sometimes when we're in Alaska, the sun doesn't go down until 2 in the morning. Like it's not quite the right trigger, but it's kind of the point where I'm like, you know what, I've had enough. I'm done. And I'll pick this back up on Sunday. And what I found over, I've been now doing this for many years. When I go out of phase with it for any period of time, and I had a period at the beginning of the COVID crisis where I was spending a lot of my time working on stuff on the private sector side, but for the state of Colorado, as we were dealing with a bunch of stuff on both the health side and the economic side and dealing with some stuff on the mental health side.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And you didn't count things like all of those hour or two hour in front of your computer just catching up on stuff, right? Which is easy to dismiss that you're actually spending time working versus living or rejuvenating yourself or taking care of yourself. So when I had this depressive episode in 2013, I had done plenty of, again, weeks off the grid. Amy said, why don't you take a day a week off? I just don't work a day a week. And by the way, when I was depressed, I was having trouble like getting out of bed. So it wasn't like that was a hard thing to agree to. It's like, yeah, that sounds great. And, you know, I'm not religious, but I'm culturally Jewish of the Jewish tradition. I'm like, you know what? I know plenty of very successful religious friends, religious Jewish friends, who take the Sabbath off completely, you know, Friday night to Saturday night. And so I just said, I'm going to apply.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“80% of the time Three out of four, four out of five. It started, I didn't used to do it. I used to work, my work rhythm was that I would use half a day on Saturday to catch up, usually in the morning. And then I'd do a long run on Sunday mornings usually. And then I work, I probably work another half day to full day on Sundays. Even into 2013, the number of hours per week, again, I stopped thankfully, I stopped having to keep track of the number of hours a week I worked in about 2002. Amy didn't make me keep doing that for the last 20 years. But I would go through phases where the total number of hours a week I worked probably diminished if you didn't count things like travel”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To sit back down, especially early in a relationship, agree to sit back down in a couple of days, three days from now, let's have lunch and let's talk about this. And between now and then, let's each, in our own way, think about what was really going on and have those conversations. And I know that Amy and I have had many of those types of conversations over the last 20 years on our life dinners, on our week off the grid. That is part of the content. We're no longer talking about is our relationship going to work and why our relationship isn't working. We're talking about the next level of it where we're actually exploring what's going on with each of us as individuals in these moments where things don't feel good or when things, by the way, the other end of the spectrum feel really good.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Thing that you see or respond to often is not the source of the conflict. It is often not either the root cause, the thing that's even triggered it. And the person who's angry may be articulating their anger in a way they think resembles what's going on. But you're probably not hearing what they're saying properly in that first moment because you're trying to get oriented and dealing with your own fight or flight reaction. especially if it's someone that you have a intimate trusted relationship with. If it's just some random person different, I know sort of circuitous answer. For me, writing stuff down is not helpful, but I could see how for some couples it is. I think the practice also, by the way, of the retrospective, right? Okay, you had to fight, don't go off into your corners and each sit down with your journal and write what just happened, but agree, agree.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Of synthesizing and figuring out what's going on. I think that's a function of a long relationship too and just very, very deep trust. I can imagine earlier in a relationship or earlier in our relationship that might have been helpful. The other thing which comes from that is a lot of people, and we see this in business all the time, you see this in you read a book, you see it in someone's book, right? It's not that they make the point one time. They have to make the point three or four times. And sometimes you have to read the point three or four times before you actually understand the point. You know, there is a reason that there's sentence structure, paragraph structure, chapter structure, and business books that can be tedious and result in the business book only needing to be about 20 pages long. But for many of us, we have to cycle through a few times. And I think that's especially true in conflict because when you're confronted with conflict, the first”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so I'm also a very good reader and I learn by reading. So I've sort of learned about myself that a lot of people say if you write it down, if you take notes, it'll cause you to remember it better. What I've found for many things, not all things, but for many things, it actually interferes with my ability to synthesize what's going on in the moment. For Amy, she is an extremely good memory, which works to her advantage most of the time because she'll remember the incident better than I will, but also works to her disadvantage because it's often not the details of the incident that is the issue. And we've learned that remembering and keeping track actually gets in our”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, for us, it doesn't. I think it can be very helpful. I think it's very, very individualistic. I am not an note taker. I'm just not. I have a good memory, but I also have a memory that's a synthesizing memory versus a factual detail memory. And so taking notes actually clogs up my ability to synthesize things.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's just simple. I'm sorry, and I'm sorry. And hug, and you go on, right? And I should also say, like, I get angry too. It takes a lot. It doesn't happen very often. But I get angry too. And she does the same. Right. She reflects it back, engages fully, listens. Of course, I'm sometimes defensive. Of course she sometimes defensive, but you try to let that work its way out without disengaging. And then at the end, when it's calmed down, you apologize.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, or I'm doing something silly and she can no longer keep being angry because I'm just being silly in this moment. But I'm being silly not as a reaction. I'm being silly because I've kind of landed finally on what's got her stirred up and it spurted out. So it's kind of like, oh, that's the thing. Okay, here, let's see how many potato chips I can stuff in my mouth now. And that's going to cause you to stop being angry or whatever, something cute. And then the third, and this is critical, is that when it's over, we both apologize. It's not hers to apologize to me and me to apologize to her, but we both apologize. And it's a real apology. It's not a, I'm sorry you got angry at me, kind of apology, which is not an apologist. It's always a winner. Total bullshit.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Versus trying to defend myself. I didn't do that. I didn't mean that. That's not what I said. That's not what I meant, right? That kind of stuff, which is a pretty natural reaction and really hard to hold back on, you know, especially when you're feeling falsely accused, which happens a lot when somebody else is angry at you. They don't understand the whole situation. They don't really know what's going on. And the third then, so staying deeply engaged then leads to the third or the other tactic, by the way, I use, I try to use humor in those moments. We have lots of stories of us ending where she gets out of an angry face. I hate to make her sound like a terrible person. She's awesome. And she doesn't get angry very often. It's not that I live huddled up in the corner of my house waiting for the next outbreak. It's quite the opposite. But, you know, in those moments where all of a sudden, you know, I'm jumping.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So in the moment, rather than try to fix the problem that she's angry about, I try to bring my full attention to the situation to understand and ask questions, not in a Socratic and annoying as shit way, but in an engaged in the moment way to try to understand what's really going on.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“One is I try to stay in the moment with the anger. And again, I think this is a function of trust, right? The more you trust the person, the more you can do this. If you don't trust the person, it's impossible to do this. And there's a spectrum. I completely trust Amy 100%. So I know that she is angry at me and I know that the anger will run its course. I also happen to know that when she's angry at me, she's usually scared for something that's going on around me or her. And so in a lot of ways, it's better for me to listen carefully to try to figure out what it is that's causing her to be scared versus apologize for the thing that she's angry about.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Extremely easy to shut down, and I find myself, by the way, in many situations that I have outside of my relationship with Amy, including work situations, when I'm experiencing someone who has what I think is extreme or inappropriate anger in a moment, I find myself shutting down. I don't know how to deal with it in the moment. And we've made a commitment to each other that you don't shut down in the moment, right? I don't storm off and slam the door and lock myself in the room. You sort of have to let it play its course”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just a physical, I think, a physical manifestation. Pounding the table, throwing something even if you don't throw it at the other person, a sincere threat of violence, those things are not okay. It's pounding the table. But there's a big difference, I think, between pounding your fist on the table out of frustration and doing it in a way that jerking someone's chair. I think pounding a fist on a table probably would be okay in our, I don't know how to ask me, but certainly jerking a chair or shoving the other person or whatever, completely unacceptable. Not even sort of not acceptable, just completely unacceptable. Second is don't shut down while it's happening. If you're the one that's being attacked by the angry person.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think we've learned a lot over the years because we used to not be very effective when we fought because we didn't know how. Any couple that says they never fight is totally full of shit, right? Because we're humans. And we learn, I think there's probably three things to pull out as I think about them in real time. The first is no violence ever. No physical violence ever in any scenario. Redline is the word, right? It's just an uncrossable line, no physical violence.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it's just such now 20-some odd years later, a comfortable way to reground ourselves as a couple roughly every 30 days in what is very, very challenging and complicated world.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Talk about goals, aspirations, what we might want to do differently, what we're feeling in the moment that's making us uncomfortable about the future what we're not afraid of, what we're worried about happening in the future, what's causing us in the moment real anxiety about the future. And anybody out there has had any therapy or done meditation, literally just naming the thing oftentimes gets rid of a lot of the anxiety. Just labeling it, just calling it out and saying it out loud. And so these dinners, sometimes the conversation, the life dinner part of a conversation might go five or ten minutes and sometimes it might go three hours. And sometimes there was a laughter and sometimes there were tears and sometimes there were both.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Amy did something that really annoyed me on the 21st of the month. In the moment, I didn't have to react and cause us to have a three-hour personal meltdown on the 21st of the month. I could wait nine more days or ten more days, and it could be par 11 more days. It could be part of our life dinner. And it gave us a marker for being able to resolve the conflicts that we would have with each other or express things positive and negative that we hadn't said in the moment. The forward sprint planning part of it is not go through the calendar for the next month.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You didn't give her the farm machine. That would have been less popular. I think the Range River was to make up for the FARP machine, but the FARM machine was years earlier. And we sit down. And if you're a fan of software development and you know what Agile is, we essentially do. The first half is retrospective of the previous month. And the second half is sprint planning for the next month. So again, very deliberately, not a date night. We have plenty of those. This is, let's talk each of us. You go first or I go first, doesn't matter, about the last month and what happened and what was good and what was bad and what we were unhappy about and what we wish we'd done differently and what we regret and what we're really satisfied with and anything just retrospective. This powerfully interesting because we started to learn that if”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“20 years of life dinners later. So, what is that, a thousand something life dinners, which is awesome, by the way? We have a little flexibility. There are definitely nights where we will have it on the second or the third because something's going on. But we really commit to it. We used to go out to dinner. Now a lot of times we just do it at home of COVID. We for sure do it at home. Not always, but often start with a gift exchange. And the gifts could be trivial little things once she gave me a remote control fart machine. She's picked up a lot of jewelry and art from it over the years and books. One dinner she gave me a Range Rover. So it's a full spectrum of little bits.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“She says, does it have the ability for you to make a recurring calendar appointment? I said, yeah, the online calendar lets me do that. Just, how about if you make an online recurring calendar appointment from 6 p.m., Colorado time to 10 p.m. Colorado time on the first day of a month and have it repeat forever? I said, okay, I guess I can do that. So we did that. And so every month on the first day of the month, we have what we call life dinner.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This was another thing that came out of me and Amy's weekend in Rhode Island. So she said to me as we're walking, I want to have dinner with you once a month, not a date night, but let's do dinner once a month. Let's do it on the first night of every month. And just, I just want a commitment for that. And him and HaG, you know, I don't know whether I'll be boulder or Boston or New York or the Bay Area or whatever. And she looked at me and she said, do you have a calendar, an online calendar, knowing full well I did, of course. And I said, yeah, I have an online calendar.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Engineering and numerology. All right. So, what happens if I screw it up when I don't do it nine times? Got to do it 27 times, three times, three times three. If you have ever had to do something stupid that is, you know, stupid's the wrong word. If you ever had to do something, you're trapped, right? You can't go do the next thing. You have to do it 27 times. You get it right because if you don't get it right, you're going to do it 81 times. And there's just some things in life you don't want to do any one times in a row. So that's how three became my number. And for some reason, interestingly, I care a lot about symmetry. So in some ways forward would have been a better number than three. And obviously two would have been an easier number. But somehow it ended up being three. So I just carried around with me. It's my magic number”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“When I got home, when I got to my apartment at night, I had to turn the lock three times before I walked in the apartment. I had to jiggle the door handle three times when I closed it. I had to turn the lock three times when I closed it. When I took a shower, I had to turn the shower on, off, on, off, on, off before I could get in. And then I have to turn it on, off, on, off, on, off after I got out. And then after I got out, because three is my magic number, I'd have to turn it on, off, on, off, on, off again. And if I, and on and on and on, if I didn't do something three times, here's where my engineer brain kicks in, I had to do it nine times. I love”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“On top of it, just the last example, the absurdity of it is most people with OCD are very germaphobic and very, don't like dirt, right? Wash your hands a lot. And so the whole idea of trying to straighten all the cigarettes on the street and touch all the dirty sods on the way to the office is just stupid. But that's what it is. And you have this immense cognitive load in your head that's around this anxiety. And it's really all just this effort to control one's environment. The trick to OCD is breaking the link. So we still have obsessions. We still have compulsions. My favorite number is three. I don't know why. However, it became my number. And so I had to do everything three times.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If I don't eat this carrot in three bites, I will lose a client. If I don't straighten all the cigarettes so that they're parallel to the street as I walk from my apartment to my office in Boston while touching all the signs with my right hand, my wife will have an affair. That's OCD.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So here's how OCD works. We all have obsessions and compulsions, just normal way our brains work. The problem is when you have an inappropriate linkage between the obsessive thoughts and the compulsive behavior. So you have an obsessive recurring thought and you then execute a compulsive behavior that has no correlation to it, but it's your effort as a person with OCD to try to control your environment. Examples would be, and this is why one of the things that people with OCD have is they're known as checkers or counters, right? They count things, they're constantly checking things, they're arranging and ordering things. And people will say, I have OCD when they're like orderly and clean. Orderly and clean is not OCD. It's only if the thing isn't orderly and clean, my mother will die.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You hate this, but you're really great at it. But I'm not doing any radical self-increase. So I'm not going to acknowledge that I really hate it. So I'm just going to be miserable all the time. That's no way to live.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Really, really great. I like that. Really great at doing the wrong thing. It's the intersection of those two. We're really great at doing something that you fucking hate.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To be a great and the reboot way is a combination. Their methodology as a coaching firm is a combination of two things. One is radical self-inquiry and the other is practical skills development. And I think this is what's unique about reboot is you can't have one or the other. If you just have radical self-inquiry, that's therapy. Go to therapy, right? If you just have practical skills development, you're probably not going to get that much better. You can read books. You can go to seminars. You can do online courses.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that coach helped you train. And that coach helped keep track of what was going on. And that coach gave you exercises. And that coach had an emotional relationship with you as he or she tried to help you become better at whatever your craft was. And really the coach is focused on you and your craft. Whereas the therapist is focused on deconstructing you and your lived experience. There are many other pieces of that, but that's generally how I think about it. Sav and the whip is kind of okay. I mean, the coach is the whip, right? The coach is the one saying, come on, but a really good coach is also, you know, there's part therapy. I mean, Jerry talks about.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it gets pretty boring talking for 50 minutes and having somebody look at you all the time. Sometimes it's not. But if you do it week after week after week, eventually things start to shift. And the therapist is guiding you to go deeper to explore and understand what's actually going on and what's at the root cause of what's going on and how your lived history is impacting your current behavior on and on and on, right? So it's really very much you showing up and the therapist over a long period of time helping you deconstruct yourself across all dimensions, but with you as the central focus. A coach that we're deconstruct is important because it's deconstruct and presumably reconstruct in ways you want. If anybody's ever done any kind of Athletics, it can be junior high school athletics. You had a coach.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, it's good. Like looking for monopoly pieces, right? Here's how I describe therapy and here's how I describe coaching. For therapy, I pay somebody or if you have insurance, your insurance pays somebody. Pay them to sit and listen to you for 50 minutes. You're going to, in my case, I go to Planet Brad And if I want to talk for 50 minutes uninterrupted, he has to listen to me.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that's the key. It's not that. It's what you're really doing is you're shopping and you're asking even the people you're talking to who they think you should talk to. Now, if you're in incredible distress, you might just land with a person. But if you're in a place where like, I really want to make progress here, asking the referral to the referral is a useful technique. Last comment I'd make on this. Therapist and coach are totally different things. And it's really important to recognize that, especially for the entrepreneurs or business people listening to this. Coaches are really valuable. Totally different thing than the therapist. There's a lot of value actually in having both a coach and a therapist, especially if you're leading something and you're looking for how to get better at leading something while understanding yourself better.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A network of a couple of therapists. And one of the mistakes I think people make is they feel like whoever they get referred to first is the person that they should. Work with”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To your question, I have recommended many, many people now to him, not to him as a therapist, but to him as a referer. So one of the things that I find as a really useful thing is, and comes from my experience here, if you are thinking about getting therapy and you don't know where to go and you're scared or you're sort of stuck or you're, you know, you just don't know where to start, finding a friend or a colleague that has done therapy. asking them if you could talk to their therapist to have their therapist refer you to one of their colleagues. Most therapists will do that for, we'll do an hour session or a 50 minute session with the idea that they're not your therapist, but they're trying to make a few referrals for you. The other place, if you have a good doctor that's a general practitioner who you feel comfortable with, most general practitioners will have”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And very famous from the 1970s, a key part of Boulder. And McCandrew teaches at Boulder, so he was a Naropa professor. Jerry may still be, has for a long time been chair of Naropa. And, you know, you kind of go on his website and he's for high achievers, for entrepreneurs, for people that are athletes, serious, again, serious high achievers. And you read it and it's like the mix of high achiever and Buddhist. And it kind of jumped off the page at me. And my response was, yeah, okay, what the fuck? I'll try this. And it's been great. By the way, when I say it's been great, like I've had plenty of really crappy sessions. I've had plenty of moments where I didn't want to go. I've gone through phases where I passively avoided things.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Mile anymore, even if I'd like to. I want somebody that I can sort of navigate through this next phase with. And I said, and I don't want a psychiatrist. I really want it's bolder. I want somebody who has classical training, but I want them to be, you know, earthy crunchy, hippie, Buddha-y, whatever. I said, I want that in my life at this stage. And he said, I got the perfect person for you. And it was classically trained psychologist named McAndrew. His last name is his first name and his first name is his last name, which got me at hello. And there's a school in Boulder called Naropa that was one of the very first alternative schools in the country, may have been the first one that was Buddhist.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And But I was in shape where I was in a place where I didn't have a valuative criteria. I couldn't have done anything. But he was well suited for me. He was what I needed in the moment. So I got lucky in some ways. But it was because Eric knew me well enough and I trusted Eric. And so that worked. The second time my therapist was recommended to me by Jerry. And it was a friend of Jerry's, not a therapist of Jerry's. And I said to Jerry, I want to do therapy again. I'm not really sure what I want this time around, but I want a longer-term relationship, the first time I dinner for four years. I said, I don't know whether this is a four-year thing or a 20-year thing, but I want somebody who can have a 20-year relationship with because I'm in a place in my life. I think I was 47. I know I'm in midlife. I know stuff is shifting. I know my hormones are shifting. I know what matters to me is changing. I know I can't run a seven minute.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I had had one prior bad therapy experience, which was before my first wife and I split up, we went to, she was going to a therapist. She had started going to a therapist. And then her therapist, or she suggested that I come and we do couples therapy together, which I have subsequently learned is a terrible idea if one of the partners has already been seeing a therapist. And we had one session malpractice is loaded, right? I felt attacked for the entire 50 minutes by her therapist. And that was it. We didn't go back and our relationship was probably already done before I went to that therapy session or certainly was done before I went to the therapy session, just then got to that point. So I already had a bad experience with Eric's therapist. The other thing is his name was Dr. Mogul. And I thought for an entrepreneur, that was the perfect name for a therapist.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Reminded me that I never answered why three is my magic number. We'll come back to that. So I've chosen two therapists. I chose a therapist in my 20s and I chose a therapist in my late 40s. And here's how I chose a therapist each time. Person who I had immense respect, admiration. Love for. recommended their therapist or a therapist they knew well That they thought would be good for me. And they did it with no strings attached. So in the first case, in my 20s, it was Eric von Hipppel's therapist, my PhD advisor's therapist. And I probably didn't I was in such a bad spot that I probably couldn't have done an evaluative process. I just needed some help.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And after that first person does it, the next thing that happens is everybody stands up, takes their armor off, throws it out the window, and then you're off to the races. And I've seen this happen every single time, and it usually happens within the first couple hours. And it's remarkable”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Three or four days of a couple of CEO ones and a couple of the VC ones and then having gone for between a meal and a day to the rest of the VC ones. Everybody shows up with their armor on. And imagine a bunch of VCs showing up to a four-day thing like this and they've got their armor on or CEOs either one. And the beginning of it is a little group bonding and a little bit like recognizing that you've got your armor on. But because it's so fast, you very quickly realize that your armor is just making you uncomfortable and sweaty and it's weighing you down and it's hard to sit. So you start taking your armor off. And then somebody just takes their armor off and goes for it.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Can wander the property, you can go sit by the swimming pool, you can do whatever. We have a fire pit, they do a fire ceremony at the end of the thing. And I would typically go for a day. The first one I went for the first three days, and it's a four-day long thing. And my observation having now been to”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's a good insight. I mean, it's probably one of the reasons why group therapy is a thing. He and Reboot, his company reboot, have done, they started off doing CEO retreats, and then he and I hosted a number of VC retreats. I don't know how many we've done now, five or six. And we do them. I have a separate building. We have 40 acres just on the edge of Boulder, and I have a separate building I call the Carriage House. It's two stories and the upstairs is perfect retreat space and the downstairs is like a place you could have nonprofit fundraisers or dinners or whatever. And he and the reboot team would take over the space for four days. And my only request of the people that came is that they don't come to the house. They don't bother. I have a sort of like, here's the area around my house specifically, but you can wander the land.”
2020-07-23 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #448: Brad Feld — The Art of Unplugging, Carving Your Own Path, and Riding the Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT