YouSaid · the spoken record

Bryan Callen

lines on the record: 89
first: 2014-12-01
most recent: 2014-12-01
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Affected my Chris Walkin as a pigeon in front of a mirror. These things I literally in front of the mirror going cool I'm a small bird tiny big chest hanging around water fountains all day bread on the mind I don't know anyway You're always working it out, man.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't know. I never really, I mean, I look back on my old standup and I cringe. I mean, I cringe. I can't even watch it. But I don't think I was ever, I think I was at least sincere. I mean, I don't think I was ever looking for hooks or tricks. I was just writing what I thought was funny. I mean, that's my young people ask me advice on standup, and I always say, look, man, first of all, I'll see you in 10 years. And second of all, write only what you think is funny and write every day and try to perform as much as you can. And if you can't, perform in front of the mirror. That's how you become a comic.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That sucks. What do you do if a polar bear comes at you or whatever? You spend all your time running away from leopard seals. And I just wrote this thing about what you had to do and who you had to be. And I run away from a polar bear and how I'm cold all the time and I look like everybody else. Anyway, I was amazed because I was so terrified it wasn't going to be funny, but it worked. It worked. It was amazing.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The first thing I wrote was, and I didn't know if it would work, and God, you know, I don't know, I thought to myself, I was looking, I saw a special on penguins. And I said, gee whiz, man, that's a legless, flightless bird in the middle of the south pole. What in the world did you have to do in your past life to be reborn that shitty a bird? I mean, wouldn't you rather be an eagle and soar? Or would you rather be Basically, those feather sausages.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Brett Ernst is great. Tom Segura is great. You know, Joe Rogan is somebody I perform with a lot and a dear friend. And Rogan is just, you know, Rogan is just about telling the truth. Rogan is, again, another comic who's less worried about being funny, though he's very funny and way more interested in getting into your head. I've got a cult following. It's crazy.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So funny. You just go under Sebastian comedian. He goes by one name usually. He's amazing. And then Dove David off, of course, who's a dear friend of mine.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think prior did that. I think Carlin did that. Again, that's why I would say those people are very different than I am. I'm certainly trying to do that, but it's a very different comment. I think my next hour is going to be a lot more in that direction. But those guys were not afraid to make you feel a little bit uncomfortable. And I think it was also a time when people believed they could make a difference with their expression. We live in cynical times. I don't think a lot of people feel that they're making a difference at all with the exception of people like yourself. It's one of the reasons I like talking books. But as far as to answer your question, I'm going around and around here. But Sebastian Maniscalco's hilarious.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think that Carlin was really busy trying to say something. You know, it's one thing to be funny. It's another thing to be thematic and to be getting the audience to think a little bit. Yeah, profound.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, you know, I mean, the people I admire, I don't know how different, but certainly I think George Carlin was, again, not as interested in being funny. Being funny is something that you do. And there are a lot of tricks to being funny. It's a little bit like being a musician where you write pop songs with tricks and hooks with phrases that are catchy and beats that are catchy. And then you listen to Pink Floyd or you listen to Led Zeppelin or you listen to whoever they might be. And it's just a different feel, man. There's a reason Zeppelin is still kind of marvel that and still listened to. Pink Floyd, the same thing where you listen to the wall and you go, man, this music's kind of timeless.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Finding how many words go into that joke, finding how many words I should say go into the surprise because comedy is really surprise, isn't it? I got you going down one lane, then I say something and you go, oh, I didn't see that coming and you start laughing. It's kind of what it is. There is a rhythm. There is a perfect Number of words, and I believe there's a perfect amount of emphasis and deemphasis, if that's a word, to that sentence. And that's kind of the process of finding exactly what that whole rhythm is. It's very much like music. It really is.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I do write it down, but again, I'm performing it a lot as well. And the reason I write it down is it's very similar to writing songs, writing music. So when you write music, and I talked to a couple people, I talked to Fiona Apple about this. I talked to Harry Connock Jr. about this, and I talked to some other musicians. And all of them said, and they've seen me do stand up, and I think both Harry and Fiona said, you know, you do very similar, you do what I do. Stand up feels very, comedy feels very much like music. I said, what do you mean? They said, well, when you're writing a song, rhythm, tempo, melody, it's all very, very important. You're always kind of working out like where to place emphasis, where not to place emphasis, how many words are in the song, and comedy is exactly the same thing.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I try not to capture them. That's what I do. I just happen. So you're looking at your computer or whatever as you're talking to me. Just take turn your head and look somewhere else. That's literally how I look at writing. I go, oh, I'm doing this. I'm going to turn over here and just start thinking. I don't put anything on it. Nothing on it. And that's something you can practice and get very good at.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's right. So, what I do is, I just say when I'm driving in traffic, I'm going to start writing. When I'm in the shower, I'm going to start writing.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Don't do that. I don't do that because life gets too busy, and when you're an actor and you got podcasts, things are way too unpredictable. And when, of course, you have to box.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He had four hours a day he would write no matter what. Hemingway did the same thing. Flannery O'Connor said something wonderful. She said, I sit at my typewriter every morning at 5.30 in the morning, not to write, but just in case something happens. It's an act of faith. She's got to show up in case. And Nick Cave was just on NPR talking about the same thing. He said, I find writing is, you know, there's this idea, well, you're a rock star. It just comes. No, it's labor. It's hard labor. Yes, yes, Somerset Mom said the muse hits me at 8 o'clock every morning. In other words, he sits down and if the muse shows, it shows either way I write. So there is a place if you're a creative person or any kind of person and you want to produce something out of nothing. I think you do need to, I guess, sequester time.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Four times a week. That's a very good question because I think it's very important to, because we all get very busy, right? So yesterday I'm shooting the Goldbergs, this fun show on ABC, and my day has been, I mean, long days, 12-hour days. I'm driving in. I have a 6.15 call tomorrow morning, and I'll be there all day. So what that means is that writing is a mindset. Writing is not something you schedule. Writing comedy must be a mindset. What I mean by that is that I took all the fencing any of the sacred space around quote unquote work time or writing. I took it away. I don't believe some people have to do that. You know, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the great writer who died recently, who wrote Thousand Years of Solitude and Love in a Time of Colorado and things.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, so these are where that's kind of what you start to think about who you really are talking, think for a second about how you behave, and then start thinking about why. How did you start? How did you get here for Christ's sake? Who are you? If you watched yourself from afar, if you met yourself, what would you tell, what would you say to yourself? What would you tell, hey, you got to change this, this, and that? Or would you say, you know what, you're perfect, leave yourself alone. I doubt you'd say you're perfect, leave yourself alone. So it really becomes a process of introspection.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Triangle. Are you kidding me? Just ridiculous. I drive a passette. Know, but where does this come from? What's going on, man? What is happening? Well, I had a father who was a giant, I mean a giant, I take after the Sicilian side, my mother's side. She comes from a long land of peasants and petty criminals. So, you know, I built to blend in with a crowd. I can pick your pocket. You can never describe me. He was white, brown hair, medium, you know, whatever.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just keep coming back to that theme. I keep thinking about that. I keep thinking about how what my expectations of myself were when I was younger. Who did I really want to be? And who am I really? That's kind of thing. And by the way, why do I box for four days of the week? Why do I spar with 21-year-olds and get hit in the face? That's not good for my brain. It doesn't help my pocketbook. It's ridiculous. What's going on here, man? Do I really think I'm going to get in a fight? If I punch somebody in the face, I better have a good lawyer, yet I really practice hard and I try to sit down on my punches and I think about it and I shadow box. It's a little ridiculous at forty seven years old. It just is. And I'm pissed off that I haven't been able to roll more. I mean, you know, just in case I got to put somebody in a”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And he's right. You write things a lot of times when you're doing something else. You'll get an idea. You'll get an idea. My idea, one of the ideas I had is, boy, you know, if you turn my life into a movie, I don't think I wouldn't recommend going. It's kind of a bummer. I thought I was going to be living this action-packed lifestyle, but boy, do I spend a lot of time in traffic and sleeping. So it's not, I don't think that my life would make a very exciting movie. I certainly am not the hero I thought I'd be. I think, in fact, instead of being the gunslinger, I'm sort of the merchant who boards up his windows when they come to fight. I never, I'm appalled at that. I wrestled and I like to box and I fancy myself kind of the opposite. But, you know, let's look at my real life. That is very fertile soil. And so what I'll do is I...”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I find that I do better when I'm moving. So I've written all my stand up, walking my dog or hiking in the Santa Monica Mountains. And even more than that, I've learned that comedy is a mindset, you know. I think Francis Port Coppola said, great screenplays are written on the hoods of cars and standing in line of DMV or something like that.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“One of the things he talked about was that these elite institutions, there's a feeder system of about 100 high schools in this country, about 100 high schools. And that's it that provides students to these universities. So something like Questbridge is desperately needed so that we can create an equality of opportunity.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But to piggyback on that, there's a guy who I just had on my podcast, Mark DeRisowitz, who wrote a book called Excellent Sheep. He was a Yale professor and took a look at essentially what was wrong with higher education, these elite institutions, primarily places like Amherst and Yale and Harvard. And one of the things he said is that we're breeding excellent sheep. You've got 31 flavors of vanilla. These kids are so obsessed with essentially achievement for its own sake, not fulfillment or meaning, but rather achievement for its own sake, that they so they can get into a great become rich doctors or lawyers or consultants or investment bankers. And even that becomes an extension of what they've been doing their whole life, which was, hey, I want to please my boss, jump through these loopholes, and be an elite person. It's an interesting book.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, but it's to get the way of critical thinking. So if you're completely optimistic, you're not being critical. You're not being, you've got to be it gets in the way of sober thinking about both ends of that spectrum.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I think if that's at the heart of what you're saying as a stand-up comic on stage or as a politician, we forgive you. We'll see it. We'll feel it. Maybe it's idealistic. I don't know.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And how capable we are, some cultures, it could be argued, some races it could be argued, have been in I don't know what the word is, but you can make the argument that there are large swaths of our population that don't believe they are even capable of learning the way their white colleagues are, for example. That's stuff that needs to be talked about. That doesn't need money. That needs dialogue. There are bad ideas out there. And the way you beat a bad idea is with a good idea.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, I think our resources many times are misallocated. For example, on my podcast, I had a woman who was talking about how I have to spend more money on education. And my co-host on the show, Hunter Matts, who you know, who wrote a book called The Straight Conspiracy, had studied the learning process and said, look, the biggest enemy is the fact that a lot of students or kids in this country just don't believe that they are capable of learning. We have these misguided beliefs. I don't have the math gene. I don't have an ear for languages, this kind of shit that's fed to us. Well, in fact, maybe what we need is a shift in how we look at learning. We need a shift in how we look at ourselves. We may not need money at all. We may just need to get people to take a different point of view on how one can learn.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I do. I think that we, you know, we live in a world where people are terrified to talk about how they really feel. I mean, my God, look at the corporate world. Look at how structured you have to be. But I think that's changing. I think that I don't know if it's the internet or whatnot, but I do think that the long-term approach for any company, and I believe that's for your brand as a performer, I think your long-term approach should always be authenticity. Try to be as honest as you can. Hopefully a solution, or as long as it's, I just don't know, it's just, boy, do I feel sometimes like we're so stifled? You know, I think it's very, people are very hesitant to really talk about what is really going on.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's the authenticity. I certainly think when you start out, you're putting on a performance and a character and you're just, you know, it's a whirlwind. But I think as you do it, the person that you really are versus the person that is on stage begins to mesh. And there becomes almost no difference at all, hopefully, as you continue to do it.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“My wife may not like to hear that, but those are the things. And so it really is, that stage is the last bastion of free speech. It's really the place you can really be honest. And my feeling is that when you write from that perspective, the comedy finds its way through”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Questions. I ask myself what I'm afraid of, what I'm ashamed of, who I'm pretending to be, who I really am, where I am versus where I thought I'd be, those are the kinds of things that resonate with people. Ah, I have children, I like to talk about how great they are, and I also like to talk about how freaking boring it is to be a parent sometimes. Or, you know, I like to talk about the fact that if my dick had a mouth, it would be saying things like monogamies for pussies, you know, whatever it is. Those are the kinds of things people resonate with, especially when they're married, you know.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's why there are three things you can't really fake. One is fighting. The second thing is sex. And the third thing is comedy. Your published is or how famous you are, man. If you don't bring the money, it gets quiet in that room fast. Gotta be funny or you're dead. And it's just the way it is, man. And that's kind of what I love about, you know, MMA. And, you know, I do this podcast called The Fighter and the Kid with Brendan Shaum, who's about to fight Travis Brown next. And Brendan's got to go in there and fight the number three fighter in the world. He's six foot seven, 240 pounds. And Brendan better bring the heat because no matter how much we want him to win, it's him alone in that ring. And in a lot of ways, when you're on stage, it's the same thing. But to answer your question, the process, you know, I don't think about being funny, and I certainly don't think about being universal. I think the way to write stand-up, if you want longevity in this business, at least for me, is to start by asking yourself personal questions. And what I write from is this. I'll ask myself some very personal questions.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And what's really interesting, I think maybe because of the internet, is regardless of all the cultures and how we all come from different origins and different points of view, most people laugh at the same stuff nowadays. I mean, they're getting the jokes. I've been offered to do this tour in India. And I said, are they going to get my stuff? And my friend said, are you kidding? They'll love it. And not only will they love it, they know who you are. Sitting next to a woman on the plane, and she kept looking at me. I said, oh boy, here goes. And she was from India, from Mumbai, and she said, I'm so sorry to bother you, but she had a heavy Indian accent. She said, Are you on the show how I met your mother? And I went, Yes, I am, and sometimes I'm on that show. And she said, I watch you all the time and I watch you in India. And I thought, this is just, you know, it's really becoming a global marketplace. It was really wild.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and so in a way when you have people there, you want to do your best stuff and kill it, but I just kind of remember myself going, I think Tim will appreciate the sort of the process that is. It'd be fun for you to watch now when I shoot my special because it's all gelled and it's so tight. And of course now I just want to shoot it and move on to the next process, which is coming up with a whole new hour. But yeah, yeah, I remember that. And I do think that that's what's fun about standup. It's really interesting when you comedy seems to be the great equalizer, when you do stand up in so many of the places that I do it. What's really cool nowadays is that so few of the audience are actually traditionally white. I just came from San Antonio where it was primarily a Mexican-American. But if you do a stand up in a place like New York City or in San Francisco or in Vancouver, man, it is the United Nations out there.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, unique show in particular, too, was a night where I was really trying a bunch of new stuff. I'm about to shoot my one hour special. So what you saw was really in its infancy. And I remember having you in the audience, I said, if anybody's going to appreciate the process, I was literally trying to work out so many of those bits. And I wasn't even sure where a lot of them were going, but it was a really receptive audience. And it was just fun to do that for you. And I think you were there with the founder of Uber.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and then I just, I think we had mutual friends, Joe Rogan and Keith Farazi and various people like that. And then I got you on my podcast, I remember.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And deconstructing the learning process. And then I heard you were going to be at this loft downtown LA at some publicist place talking about your book. So my wife and I went there and I had a brief conversation with you not long enough. And I think that's how we first met.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Neil Brennan, who was the creator of the Chappelle show, knew I was in the fitness and all that, and he sent me, I believe, a TED talk you had done about a guy named Tim Ferris. He said, what do you think of this guy? And I watched it, and I was very taken with the way you were explaining things and how you used your body as a human guinea pig. And I think I texted him back. I said, well, I know one thing. I'm going to go out and get the book, the four-hour body. And of course that sent me, basically I started with the four-hour body and then I got into the four hour work week. And then, of course, I listened to then I read the four-hour chef. So I became sort of this. But what I really, some of the concepts that you talked about resonated so deeply with me 20% of your effort results in 80% of your results, et cetera, et cetera. And here is this guy who was in all the things I was into, fighting.”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's right. Just think of you guys don't have any videos. Just think of if you were to take human skin and stretch it over a cheetah, I think that's probably the best way. That's not me. That's just what my crit”
2014-12-01 · The Tim Ferriss Show · Ep 47: Bryan Callen on Eating Corgis (Yes, The Dogs) and Improving Creativity · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT