YouSaid · the spoken record

Chasten Buttigieg

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66

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2020-09-03

most recent

2020-09-03

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1

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1. “Yeah, and it's, I mean, it sort of seems like it's from a cheesy high school movie, but friends who say, wow, I can't believe you would choose that, you know, or say that's sinful. And, you know, if you make this choice, you'll go to hell. And, you know, it's a pretty religious place up here. And some of these kids had gone to, you know, youth group with or CCD with. It wasn't as surprising because I felt like I was sort of bracing for it because I initially just thought I'd lose everyone. And then when I had friends who I didn't, you know, when you have friends in your corner, everything feels a little bit easier to navigate.”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

2. “Ran away to Germany because I just felt like I didn't know what else to do. I found the scholarship program. I got accepted and I just ran. I had been studying German in high school. So at least I had that going for me. But when I was there, I made friends who I just had to tell. I said this thing is brewing inside of me and it is crushing. And I think it's going to eat me alive. And I have to name it. I finally had friends who looked at me and said, maybe you're just gay. And that's fine. And I had never had someone look at me in the eye and say, you're normal. It's okay to just be you. And so I came home and started opening up slowly to friends, lost some, found strength in other friendships, you know, people who affirmed my identity and my worth, which is really a mark of allyship to have not only people in your life who you know love you, but who will say it out loud, who affirm your worth, who say, you know, you're safe with me. I see you. I'll fight like health.”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

3. “Yeah, and I wish I've talked to her about this a bit too, that I think she could tell, I think she knew in high school, but We didn't even have teachers talking about gay rights in high school. Teachers who I've come to know after the fact who have either come out or feel free to be a little bit more vocal about their politics. But Mrs. Bach, my high school theater teacher, would let me hide in the theater. I could eat my lunch in there. I could come see her when I was having a bad day. It's not that I could ever come to her and tell her I was struggling with my sexual identity or I was fearful that the things the boys were saying in the locker room were actually going to cause harm to me, but at least I could hide in there. And she really made a safe space for me.”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

4. “Well, when my mom would take me downtown to the Old Town Playhouse and drop me off her theater classes, and when I went there, they encouraged me to be goofy and different and loud and funny and dramatic and flamboyant. And the more creative I was, you know, the more characters I could play, the more I felt free because I could go on stage and in a way perform my own identity, but I was doing it as a character. I was playing pretend. And people applauded that. But if I did that at home, you know, that was something to be fearful of and or embarrassed of. But when I went into drama classes, I just came alive because I felt so safe that I could just Sing and dance and jump around and be goofy, and people liked me for it. I made friends and my teachers appreciated it.”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

5. “No, no, I reached out to quite a few friends when I was writing the book just to reflect on our time in high school. And I actually made more friends after high school than I'd gone to school with. We didn't really talk very much in high school. But, you know, I wanted to check what their experience was because I think we're all living in our little bubbles inside bigger bubbles. And I have friends who came out after high school and we were pretty close in high school and never talked about it. We never felt safe enough to talk about it even in private would we even name it or approach it. So there was no mentorship. There was no safe space. There was no club. There was no center. I could go to. It was all in my head. And the only place that I even felt remotely safe was watching people on TV.”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

6. “Yeah, I think it was just such a toxic, you know, the toxic masculinity in high school was insufferable. And I felt that everyone was trying to fit in be on top. I was terrified most days, you know, going to gym class, going to the locker room, walking down the hallways. The things kids would say to you, not because they probably knew I was gay, but just because those were the slurs that they so often used to try to tear somebody down. But in the back of my head, I was thinking, oh, they know this secret about me, you know. Do they know something that I'm not even ready to say out loud myself? And then what's going to happen when one of them decides they're going to take these taunts further?”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

7. “Yeah, it felt like you could be gay on television. Like you could be gay and pretend you could go to Hollywood and be gay on TV. And watching my mom laugh at Ellen or my family be okay with watching Will and Grace was a glimmer of hope. But then when I learned about Matthew Shepherd's torture, it seemed so plausible that, you know, one of these guys driving around town, I mean, people still drive around Traverse City with Confederate flags waving from the back with their pickup trucks. And, you know, it really did seem plausible that one of these guys could do something really bad to you, really nasty too, if they found out who you were.”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

8. “Didn't fit in, especially when as a 4-H kid going to the county fair, you're showing your steers, kind of a gruff setting. And I just sort of always felt like an imposter that I didn't, one, feel like I could be my authentic and true self because if I were to tell people that, as I describe in the book, I was convinced I'd lose everything if not something worse.”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

9. “I felt different in so many ways. I talk about sort of the classism in Travers City. I grew up on the outskirts of town, the elementary school I went to was regarded as the trailer trash school. And I remember feeling confused about why kids said those types of things. You know, we didn't live downtown. We lived outside of the city. I was in a lot of different programs where I was in 4-H, I was on the bowling team, I was in theater. And most of the groups I belong to, I just felt like”

   2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

10. “It used to be a big business. Now it's him, and I think he's got two guys working with him, he's sort of dialing down the business, but he's just so well known around here as a hard worker. And it was pretty special growing up in that sort of environment where he imparted those lessons on us from a very young age.”

    2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

11. “Yeah, so mom still does the books for the company, and she was also working at the hospital, so she was juggling two jobs at a time. And my dad had all of his work in landscaping business. And then also he's notorious for fixing broken lawnmowers and snowplowing and just doing all these odd jobs. And when you're raising three kids, he needed to bring in as much as he could. And just a really, really hardworking family. He's still out there. He's still building, retaining walls and putting in lawns.”

    2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

12. “Yeah, that's, I mean, dad's sort of as a mama bird, my mom kept me very close, but as my dad, you know, he just kicked us out of the nest to see if we could fly. And when we would go up north and go camping, he would test me and see what I was capable of doing. And luckily, I passed that test. You know, I built myself a fire and waited around. And that was just sort of how dad saw imparting lessons on us that we were going to learn the hard way. And we usually, you know, we only got one try to learn it too. So there was a lot of tough love, but he's a very quiet person, but he loves joking and he loves playing tricks on us. That's why I write about how it's so rare to hear him laugh. But when he does, it's, you know, just fills a room and it's so special because he does have this sort of gruff, quiet demeanor to him. But beneath that facade.”

    2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

13. “Yeah, without the lettering. So sometimes people think it's just a flag. But there's this story that my dad loved to tell. Anytime we were complaining, if we didn't have something, my dad would tell us about how he used to live off Jiff Peanut Butter. He emancipated himself when he was quite young. He left home. He was flipping burgers at a local diner. He didn't have transportation, so he was walking across town to school and then to work and then late at night and fed himself on peanut butter sandwiches a lot. And so my dad always told us that if you could afford gift peanut butter, not store brand peanut butter, that you were doing just fine in life. And so we ate gift peanut butter a lot growing up. And in college, you know, I'd lament about living on a tight budget. And he'd ask me if I had gift peanut butter on the shelf. And it was just a good concept.”

    2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

14. “Don't know too much about my dad's family. I think he had one grandmother who was Polish. I think there's some French Canadian in there on my mom's side. I've always wanted to do one of those like a 23andme or whatever to see what it would say, but I've never gotten around to it. It's easier on Pete's side than just Maltese. We know where they're from.”

    2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

15. “My grandfather's family is from the UP. My family lives in northern lower Michigan, so they all call us trolls because we live south of the bridge. But they're a very insular, dedicated family grew up with family reunions every summer. Family is deep into tradition, a religious family. And for a while there, it was quite rare for anyone to leave home. And most of our family still lives up here in Traverse City. But yeah, my mother's father found his way back to Traverse City because he worked in the Coast Guard. And this is where the family settled down.”

    2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

16. “I was surprised. Yeah, I often sort of felt like an imposter in that arena. I didn't really feel like I was supposed to be there and I was surprised that people were paying attention and wanted to hear what I had to say.”

    2020-09-03 · The Axe Files with David Axelrod · Ep. 403 — Chasten Buttigieg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source