YouSaid · the spoken record

David Buss

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2022-05-04
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2022-05-04
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  1. “We both live here now. And it's been great talking to you. It's a great honor for me. I followed your podcast for a long, long time now and tremendously enjoy your interviews. And you have a very inquisitive, inviting style that brings out things in your guests, which I think is fantastic. Activates all those dormant psychological mechanisms.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  2. “And infidelity, and there are other things, but things like that being humiliated in public, status loss, you know, do trigger homicidal thoughts. So anyway, I don't want to go off too much on that, but I guess what I'm saying in answer to your question is experiencing the rich array of complex psychology that we have within us, most of which remains unactivated and some of which will never be experienced. Like, you know, there's some people who never experience love, for example, because of, you know, cultural restrictions or whatever. And so to me, that's part of the meaning of life.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  3. “Studying homicidal ideation really gave me it was an eye-opener. It was as interesting as studying sexual fantasies because if you ask what triggers homicidal thoughts, ideation, most people have had them. Because I ask this question, have you ever thought about killing someone? And I give that 91% of men say, yes, I'm about 84% of women say no. And even when I talk to people, they say one-on-one, they'll say, oh no, I've never thought of killing someone. What kind of person do you think I am? And then 10 minutes later, I say, actually, there was this one time when I got this guy humiliated me in public. But I think thoughts about killing, homicide ideation, and they're very predictable from an evolutionary perspective. Like we mentioned mate poachers or...”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  4. “Then most people form with a friend ever in their life because they've been through these life or death experiences. And so, you know, I wouldn't want to, you know, doesn't cause me to want to charge off and be in war. But there are some types of adaptations, even like warfare adaptations, where in principle I would like to experience them. I would like to experience and never will, but what is it like to be in a coalition where you are in combat with another coalition, not in modern warfare, because it's horrible, but where your life is in danger, where your life, you depend for your life on other people, and they're depending for their life on you. And there's this kind of coalition of solidarity. That is unique. Now, another thing that, of course, I'll never be able to experience is murder, because I'm never going to murder anybody.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  5. “The activation of a lot of these complicated evolved psychological mechanisms, and they include romantic love, they include friendship, they include being part of a group or coalition, because I think we're an intensely coalitional species. So there's something about being a group member. So just even, I don't know if you're in sports, if you're team wins, you feel that somehow you're part of that. But this goes for both the positive and the darker sides of things. So, for example, warfare, you see these men who have been through a war together and where their lives have depended on each other, and they're like best friends for life and have a bond that is stronger than”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  6. “Well, so that's a much more eloquent answer than I could give, but I'll just say a thought or two on that. And I mean, one of the things, you know, what is the meaning of life? I mean, in some sense, If you're thinking about some eternal purpose, meaning like if we look five billion years hence, will any of this mean anything? I think the answer to that is probably no. And this is, I think, where my answer would concur with yours is that I think we have a rich evolved psychology that contains many complex adaptations. And at any one moment in time, most are quiescent, most are not activated. But for me, part of the meaning of life is experiencing”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  7. “Well, I can give you my answer to that, but I would actually love to hear your answer because I know you've asked this question of dozens and dozens of people on your podcast. What are your thoughts on that?”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  8. “Yes, everything At least here I do believe that there is life and intelligent life in other parts of the universe on other planets.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  9. “Well, I'd prefer, I'm happy with the first eternity of darkness. I'd prefer the second not to occur, but it's going to occur. I mean, we know that Elon Musk aside, I'm skeptical that we'll be colonizing other planets in any substantive way. And so our star, our sun, will burn out. And so it's going to take a few billion years or so, but it will eventually, the Earth will become a cold lump of dirt floating around in the universe with no life on it.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  10. “Or even you mentioned Russian writers, one of my favorite writers is Nabakov Vladimir Nabakov. I don't know if you've read. But he said once that life is a chink of light between two eternities of darkness.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  11. “Well, or yeah, it's, I mean, because we tend to be afraid of things that we're not familiar with, you know. And so if you're familiar with it, at least in my case, that caused a lessening of fear on that dimension. But I don't know. It also kind of, you know, there are these existential thoughts that it brought about like how ephemeral life is. And I remember this, Richard Dawkins' quote, he said something like, we were all going to die, and we're the lucky ones.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  12. “Yeah, interesting. I'm not afraid of death. I agree with Richard Rangham. I'm not eager to leave the party. I don't want to leave the party soon. I enjoy life in all of its interesting complexities. I enjoy my scientific work. I enjoy my relationships with other people. I enjoy exploring the universe. So I'm not eager to leave. But I'm not afraid of it. And I think Part of that is that I was married for a while, and my wife died prematurely of cancer. And so I spent basically eight months with her watching her die after she was diagnosed. And there's some weird, it was a horrible time for me and for her, obviously, but there's some way in which it kind of Made it more familiar so that it became a lot less frightening.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  13. “Well, historically, it's often been an arrangement where they're trying to maximize the status and power of the alliance with this other extended family. But that also varies from culture to culture. the Tiwee culture where there's the men basically bestow their daughters on other men and they try to gauge which of these young up-and-coming men are really going to be chiefs, high status guys and which ones are going to be losers and so you have this weird phenomenon they have polygynous marriage where a guy will get one daughter bestowed on him and then other men use that as information that this guy must be rising in status and so they give their daughters To the guy as well, we go from like zero to seven wives in very short stories.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  14. “Most humans have the capacity for love. Whether it is Activated in any individual person such as you or anyone else is going to be adjusted or suppressed by different social and cultural and upbringing factors. There are cultures where Basically, walk away girls, they cloister them and so they can't ever meet anyone else until they parents arrange to marry them. So they override any possibility of love. But I think it's an evolved emotion. And I mean, one kind of test of this, and this is just slightly... Circumstantial evidence, but in China, historically, there have been arranged marriages and then individual choice marriages. The arranged marriages tend to have higher breakup rates and lower child production than the ones that are sort of voluntarily chosen of marriages.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  15. “Yeah, it wouldn't do much emotionally. But if you say, you know, I love you, I can't stop thinking about you. It's this uncontrollable emotion that I feel toward you. It's a sign that I'm committed to you, at least for a while. And I'm not going to abandon you when if you're an 8.5 comes along, I'm not going to drop you and go with the 8.5. Yeah.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  16. “We talked about it a little bit. So we're talking about love like. Like romantic love. I think it's an evolved emotion that evolved in part to solidify long-term pair bonds. And is it different from the love of a parent for a child or brotherly love or sisterly love or other friendship love? I think these are different phenomena. But if we're talking about romantic love, I think it's an evolved emotion leading hypothesis is that it's a commitment device. So if I say to a potential mate, oh, you exceed my minimum thresholds on intelligence and looks, I think we make a good couple. It's a good pick.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  17. “Yeah, well, that's why, I mean, when I'm asked for advice on this, I say if you feel like you have a connection with someone, meet them in person, meet them in real life. Take the road.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  18. “These internet dating sites is that the picture, the photographs of the face and body tend to overwhelm all other sources of information. And so especially if you're just looking for a sex partner, that's one thing, physical appearances, it's fine for that to be overwhelmingly important. But if you're looking for long-term bait, there's so many other things that are really, really important. But people tend to be swamped by the visual input, which is natural because that's where we've evolved to respond to visual input. We're not evolved to respond to words, you know, like, oh, I like to go fishing or something like that. So if there's some way for these sites to, in long-term, I mean, for these other characteristics to be made more salient. In people's information processing, I think that would be a valuable improvement.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  19. “But I think, I mean, you know, internet dating and, you know, there's been some work on them, I think has its pluses and minuses. One of the pluses is it gives you access to potential pools of mates that you could never possibly meet in real life. Dating used to be either people you knew or friends of friends or you go out to bars or parties. So that's the good thing gives you access to those extended pools, but also it gives people the illusion that there's always someone better out there for you, someone who's just a little more attractive, a little more compatible, a little more. And so it produces what's sometimes called decision paralysis. You know, you have too many options and you can't choose. I think one other potential negative, which I think could be corrected by”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  20. “Well, I don't know. I get some of my wisdom from lyrics from songs. Eagle song, I think Don Henley said something like a lyric of Too Many Lovers in One Lifetime Ain't Good For You or something like that. But, you know, I think there is a”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  21. “And that sometimes works, but you're going to get into a lot of conflict, other things being equal, or someone who's deeply religious versus someone who is not at all religious. This is going to be a problem. Or someone who's of a different religious faith. And so compatibility on those things. Compatibility also on personality dimensions. I think there's some main effects. So I would recommend avoiding that dimension we talked about of emotional instability. Because if you sign up for that, you at least should know you're going to be in for a lot of conflict. It may be exciting at times, but there's going to be a lot of ups and downs.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  22. “Yeah, yeah, but I would add that what you also want to do is you want to With someone who's equivalent in mate value or has even what's more difficult has a likely equivalent future mate valued trajectory because nothing remains static. But it's also the case that there are individual things we haven't talked about these, but things like religious orientation, political orientation, values. These are extremely important to be compatible on. And so you do have cases of, let's say, A Democrat marrying a Republican.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  23. “Yeah, absolutely. And because aside from a small number of people who are totally uninterested in any kind of mating or sexuality, and there are small percentage that fall into that category, we all confront problems of mating.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  24. “And I think women should know about those, or even things like that women are most in danger of being killed by an ex during the first three to six months after they've broken up with him, that sometimes they think it's the guy will say, meet with me one last time and then I won't bother you again. No, this is a dangerous time. So I think there's some knowledge that we do know that can be used to make informed decisions about our mating lives. And I think that should be taught.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  25. “But how to select a mate? How do you know if you're in a bad mating relationship? How to get out of a bad mating relationship? I think that there's at this point in the science, even though there's a lot that we don't know, we know enough to at least provide some heuristics or general guidelines to things to watch out for. So just as a concrete example with intimate partner violence, and this is male to female, there are statistical predictors of is the sky, does he have an increased probability of beating you up? And there are things like if he starts to insist on knowing where you are at all times, if he starts cutting off your relationships with your friends and your family. So these kind of early warnings sign.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  26. “Not just sex at all. Yeah, because most of what's taught is they teach about sexual health and how not to get an STI and so forth.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  27. “Yeah, well, not necessarily on careers, but I can give advice on the mating. I think it's one of these things where we have requirements for the courses that students have to take in high school, for example. And I think there should be a required course on relationships, on mating.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  28. “Well, I think that, I mean, one thing is that, well, with serial killers specifically, I don't know if this is true of true crime in general, but serial killers, like you find a lot of people, a lot of women fall in love with them. Or, you know, even if they're jailed for serial killing. And I think one of the features of it is that it parasitizes or hijacks status mechanisms in that a key cue to status is the attention structure, that is the high status people or the people to whom the most people pay the most attention. And so serial killers garner a lot of attention. And even though for evil deeds, it's still attention. So I think that that hijacking of our status allocation Adaptations is partly responsible for that.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  29. “And that was, I mean, Ted Bundy was one. He was a good looking guy, intelligent, and could turn on the charm and then had this evil”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  30. “Yeah, well, I think that part of it is we have these stereotypes that we expect people like serial killers to be these ugly drooling creatures that are sort of evil all the time. And so that's why even like you had, I don't know if this is, if I'm remembering this correctly, but like Stalin who killed millions of people, apparently like loved his kids and loved his family. So we have, that's part of the complication, the complexity of human nature and human psychology is we don't have just this one. This one property that Dictates how we behave in all circumstances.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  31. “There's a lot that we don't know. I mean, if human psychology, if it were a simple thing and we only had, you know, three or half a dozen psychological adaptations, we would have discovered all of them by now. It's that it's so complex, multifaceted, multi-mechanism. Part that describes human nature that it was what makes it exciting, but also the amount that we know is small compared to the amount that we don't know. And so that's why you have to approach these things with a certain humility. And that's why even like in the mating and sexuality domain, which I've been studying for a number of years, I keep coming across things that I don't know, questions that are unanswered, which makes it exciting from my perspective. I mean, that's what the joy is of being a scientist.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  32. “That's an interesting question, but I don't really have an informed opinion about it. I don't know, it's not my area of expertise, and I don't know enough details. And I also don't know what his plans are for Twitter, what changes he proposes to implement.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  33. “I don't know. I mean, it's an interesting question. I mean, I don't have any brilliant insights into it other than that, to agree with you that people Construct narratives of their own lives and sometimes the life after death. But I guess I would add, and this is maybe a more cynical view, but you mentioned atrocities. I think that leaders can sometimes exploit those under them to create Forms of violence or justification for warfare, like in the group that we are conquering, they are subhuman. They're insects. They're an infectious disease that is, you know, and so these narratives can be used by leaders to exploit and motivate people under them to commit these atrocities. So it's a nastier part of our psychology both that leaders do that, but also that people are vulnerable to narratives of that sort.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  34. “And so finding that, so this leads me to be optimistic that we can change conditions to suppress our evolved proclivities just like one physical example that I sometimes use is cows producing mechanisms. We have evolved cows producing mechanisms that are very valuable. We develop thickness in the areas of our skin that have experienced repeated friction, but we can in principle design environments where we don't experience repeated friction. And so we won't grow callisis. And so you've designed an environment that basically prevents the activation of our callus producing mechanism. I think we can do the same thing with some of these other inclinations and have succeeded in a reductions of homicide even in the last couple hundred years. Years.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  35. “Control or keep quiescent or suppress some of the nastier sides of human nature. And we've successfully done that in some domains. So you can talk about like one group that fascinates me is the Vikings and that whole era. And so you have in Sweden, Norway, for example, these are these have like the lowest homicide rates on earth. But you go back 400 years ago, 600 years ago, people were killing each other right and left.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  36. “That I'm studying what is not, what ought to be. And a lot of things that I discover about what is the case, I would prefer them not to be. And I think you kind of alluded to this earlier by saying that we have to override some of our violent inclinations or impulses or the way I would phrase it is we have to”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  37. “Yeah, I would say not really, but I've been, I think, fortunate. So even, say my latest book, I published a book recently on conflict between the sexes, and it deals with very controversial topics, including intimate partner violence, like with the Johnny Depp Amber Heard thing, and I don't talk about that in the book. And it's been largely well received. partly it's because I I am careful in my publications not to endorse it. So one of the common conflations that people make is they think that it's something that you think is good, that if you find a sex difference that there should be a sex difference, this is the Izot confusion. And so I try to make it very clear.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  38. “My view is that's naive. I think suppression of scientific knowledge is a bad thing, and suppression of scientific knowledge about sex differences is a bad thing. Men and women are not psychological clones, especially when it comes to the mating domain and sexuality domain. The only other domain that shows massive sex differences that we haven't touched on is aggression and violence. So the leading cause of violence is being a male. Males have, and the more extreme the violence, the more males have a monopoly on it. When you get to homicide, warfare, males have a monopoly on it. And we need to understand human nature, and we need to understand sex differences therein in order to be in a position to effectively solve some of the social problems that these sex differences create.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  39. “Conceptual tools. So do some of these things upset people? Yeah, yeah, they do. As a matter of fact, even early in my career before I started publishing on some of these things, I gave a talk in the sociology department. This was at University of Michigan, and a female professor came up to me afterwards and said, you know, you really shouldn't publish the results of your studies. And I said, why not? And she said that women have it hard enough as it is without knowing about these things. And my view is...”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  40. “Yeah, I've been doing research on these things. So when you combine Sex or sexuality with sex differences, with evolution, each of these topics are controversial by themselves. And you bring them together, the intersection becomes especially controversial. But I guess view myself as a scientist. And so I would rather be scientifically correct than politically correct, if you will. So I have no interest in, I don't have an agenda. I don't have a political agenda. I don't have any agenda other than discovering human nature. That's what I've devoted my scientific career toward. And that's why I do the studies in responsive to empirical data and the best theories that we have available.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  41. “Classic cases like, I don't know if you remember this case, but Hugh Grant was with Elizabeth Hurley, who is a gorgeous model. And he was having sex with a prostitute. I think it was in LA or whatever. He's got Elizabeth Hurley. Why are you having sex with a prostitute? But it's the male desire for sexual variety.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  42. “Who consume pornography go through? But this desire for sexual variety is something that makes men miserable because it's something that they can't, most men, unless you're a king or a despot or have a harem, it's something that can never be fulfilled in everyday life. And so I even think that You talk to men who are walking down a city block in Austin or New York City or San Francisco or wherever, and they pass by, they could pass by six women and feel a sexual attraction to six different women in one city block, you know. Now, and so this is. And where evolution has created in this desires that can never be fully met.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  43. “You know, Guisel Bunchen or some, you know, they desire things that are women that are higher in mate value or a larger number of partners than they can successfully attract. And in a way, I mean, these serve as evolutions built into these because they're motivational devices. They motivate us to try to get what we want, but it also makes us miserable or at least unhappy or dissatisfied. There are desires that can never be fulfilled. And this is mentioned one more sex difference, this desire for sexual variety, meaning variety of different partners, is much, much greater in men than in women. And so that's why even like in pornography consumption, men will go through multiple, multiple, multiple images and sex scenes and so forth compared to what women”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  44. “Squared. That's an interesting points that you're making. I think that this is one way in which evolution has built into us a feature which is really bad for our overall happiness. And that is that it's created desires that can never be fully met. And that includes in the mating domain. So even with people who are successful in attracting somewhat desirable mates, maybe they want.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  45. “Argue, and I haven't studied the incel community in detail. I actually have an incoming graduate student who's going to start in the fall who has been studying the incels, and so he'll have a more informed picture. But my attitude is there are ways to improve your mate value. If you're having trouble attracting a mate, there are ways to improve your mate value because a lot of things that women want in a mate are improvable. Women want guys who are compassionate, who are understanding, who are ambitious, who acquire resources, etc., who are physically fit. There are things you can do to improve your mate value. And so I would say rather than I would encourage incels or the incel communities, rather than being hostile toward women or being angry at women,”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  46. “Like Ted Bundy, he was actually very charming and and didn't have any trouble attracting women, but his killing spree started shortly after he was rejected by a very high status, attractive woman, and he felt a rage about being rejected by her. Now who knows, that's an N of one. We don't know if being rejected causes serial killing per se. Sex and violence are related in different ways.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  47. “Well, I think sex and violence are linked in various ways. And it's not just incel. If you look at Serial killers, for example. And this is another thing that true crime is kind of an evocation of mine. I just enjoy reading about true crime and following true crime stories Hobby side interest.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  48. “Yeah, yeah, and the exploration of your sexuality. So on porn, you can kind of passively explore because you can see, you know, as you mentioned, a wide variety of things, and people do that. But in terms of exploring your own sexuality, I think there's no replacement for a real human being.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  49. “Because in some sense it kind of bleeds off some of that sex drive or sexual desire of sexual energy. And so some men get addicted to it. So they're spending hours and hours and hours a day consuming pornography. And so I think you can have a detrimental effect even on men's ambition.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  50. “But because he had been so heavily exposed to pornography and the artificially enhanced breast size that is often depicted in pornography, that he had come to expect something that was unrealistic. In this case, not the way to lead off to a great sex life with your wife by being disappointed in her breast size. So I think that people can develop In this case men unrealistic expectations also about the kind of sexual acrobatics that porn stars engage in and when they get in real life situations can put pressure on women to become To fulfill those kinds of images. But the other thing, the other kind of detrimental effect that it has is, and this is something that is emerging culturally, is I think it has a dampening effect on men's pursuit of real-life relationships.”

    2022-05-04 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source