YouSaid · the spoken record

Dr. Anita Phillips

lines on the record: 59
first: 2023-11-15
most recent: 2023-11-15
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“A tropical storm in Orange County that I got to watch from the beach itself. The wind, the crashing of the waves, the strength of that. It made me feel small, but it made God seem so big. It was aw. Yeah, a little scary, but mostly spectacular.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“A lot. I love that. True offering to the world. Safety and love. I want every person I encountered to feel safe in my space and to know what it feels like to truly experience unconditional love. I don't even have to know you. I see you as a human being. I want people to feel that.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And water flows out of his side, it says, and I always think that was so huge that that was the last scar that he allowed himself to be pierced near his heart, the protection around his heart went away. I want us to not be so protective. Like that's the ultimate sacrifice, is to not protect ourselves all the time, but to recognize that vulnerability and connection is worth the risk of the pain that we might experience in our pursuit of connection and relationship.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Vulnerability Us to truly allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We are always protecting, protecting, protecting. When Jesus was crucified, when he was resurrected, he had scars. He had some in his hand, some in his feet. I would say the hands one is when I can't do anything. The feet is when I can't escape. But he had this one in his side. When the spear was pushed in his side, it broke the sack that protected his heart”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You're not going to apologize. You want I'll take you out. You see all of that Yeah, yeah, it was inconceivable because so much of parenting has revolved around power and we think that that lays down power for us, but it doesn't. Our children need. To hear that from us. It changes things. It teaches them about authority and love and gives them the chance to show grace”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I had really dropped the ball with my temper and I didn't respond lovingly and I needed to apologize for that and that was really scary because it feels like a power shift, you know, I'm gonna do this, but I thought I was wrong. I have to do it. And she said, I forgive you. That was grace from her. It changed our relationship. It was a pivot. It allowed me to see so much more beauty in her. It allowed her to see so much more humanity in me And I think it really was the starting point for the relationship we have now in her adult life. Grace that my daughter gave me and still allowing me to be her mother, still coming to meet it for advancement.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oh true grace I know I've talked a lot about my children, but they have been so formative for me. The first time that I apologized to my daughter for a failure.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Will be here, and that's what we need to do in our lives. And when we're in fear and in lack and we're trying to control what's happening right in front of us, we're not thinking about legacy, but love calms us enough to look forward.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Is the most loving thing you can construct because legacy will bear fruit that you won't be here to witness. It takes unconditional love to pour into something you won't ever benefit from. And so when we have legacy on that.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Purpose has been so misunderstood and abused. It's become this idea of trying to find out what is my purpose, like what's special about me. And people become obsessed with that. It's like, I don't know my purpose. I can't move forward And I think we need to take on a different definition. In many Indigenous communities, the definition of purpose is about the role you play in your community. That's what purpose is. I define it as the gift you offer to meet a need in a community you're a part of. And when I do that, I'm living on purpose and I can live on purpose all day, every day. If I see a need, what gift do I have to offer to meet it in communities that I'm with? That's it. I can do it a hundred times.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Faith is a belief in what is possible. It's just about what is possible. Most recent one of the big tests I had a tumor on my parathyroid and I had to have surgery. I'd never been sick, never had surgery. And I was really scared. And it pushed me deeper into holding on to what I believe about what happens after we die. Suddenly, it didn't feel as far away. And I wanted to be able to go into that surgery with peace. And I had to really test my faith to do that, to say, do I really believe that if I close my eyes on this earth, I'm going to wake up somewhere else, that my children will be well, that there is an eternity that matters and that I'll leave legacy here. I wanted to go in there with peace, not saying, I know God's not going to let anything happen to me. I wanted to go with peace, however. And that was a real test.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Seeing my children in pain Not being able to fix it. wisdom I gained from it was There's much more power in love and presence sometimes than there is in doing, and that my children belong to God as much as I belong to God. And that co parenting with him is the way to go.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Conscious ritual every single day. Sometimes more than once a day. If I feel some tension rising, I'll stop and do it again. But waking up first thing in the morning every day I check in.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Then I ask myself, what do I need? What do I need? Do I need to be connected? Do I need some safety? And how can I get that need met well and make that my priority first thing in the morning? How do I get the need met that my emotional life is hungry for? Does the soil need water? Does it need fertilizer? What's happening? And once that's cared for, I can move into my day clear-headed. But when we skip over that, we think we're fine, but underneath the surface, that pain is undermining us.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And then I scanned my body. Just closed my eyes, and I imagine like a little scan going down to see how my body's feeling, to let me know where I am emotionally. We can press our emotions down quick, but in the morning they're right there on the surface. So is my stomach tight. Do I have tension in my neck? What might be going? Do I have butterflies? And if there is some emotional pain present.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“If we don't change the way that we view our emotions and how we treat ourselves and our bodies, we're headed somewhere really scary. Because after the pandemic, that was a trauma for everyone. Our bodies are not in the same condition. We get tired more quickly. Our patience is shorter, our immune systems are shot from the stress. We get sick more easily. If we don't slow down and begin to engage our emotions in a healthy way and strengthen our nervous system, heal our bodies, we're headed somewhere really scary. We're going to see death rates increase from chronic disease. We are going to see family relationships falling apart. We are going to see children increasingly showing the signs of intense depression and anxiety. If we don't get a hold of ourselves and each other, we're going somewhere really scary.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Why are you so angry? Why are you so angry? Because we want to be protected and sadness feels vulnerable and scary and anger feels like power. Fear feels vulnerable and scary. Anger feels like power. But sometimes it helps if we be honest about our emotions. Man, you seem really mad about that. I'm just really scared I'm just really sad and invite them into a vulnerable, honest place by being honest about how you feel. We don't need to try and give them facts about why they need to change it. Invite them into your heart space. Talk about how you're feeling. That makes it safer for them to talk about how they feel.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's a lot of anger. There's a lot of anger for two reasons. One, we're living in a time where we're holding as tightly as we can on our values and people are holding value systems that are hard to reconcile. And a lot of them are out front. And so there's anger there. But anger is also a secondary emotion that rises up to protect us from fear and from sadness. And so there are a lot of really angry people who are actually just really scared or really sad.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Right next to him, right next to him Absolutely. And I look them in the eye too. That's such a huge form of non-sexual connection. Looking them in the eye, it opens up that tree of life, wakes up when we look into the eyes of someone who's safe. And so really looking at people can change that.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And you can hug yourself. It has a very powerful effect as well. I've had clients burst into tears in that 20 seconds because they hadn't been held that tightly in so long. Sometimes hold on to yourself”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“22nd delay is nice, but yes, yes, mid-20 seconds. When we hold on to each other for a solid 20 seconds, our body releases oxytocin and it bonds us to the person that we're hugging and also calms our nervous system so much so that when stress revisits us, we are more resilient later. So the hug helps us in the moment, but it also strengthens us to stand up against future stress. I mean, a good 20 second hug, a good one. And if you're not near a safe person to get that hug, you can just place your hand right here.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, absolutely. Loneliness is a reflection of our need for connection. That connection is spiritual, emotional, but it's also physical. When babies are left unattended and not touched, they don't thrive. They don't grow. So we need touch in order to diminish that effect. And there is not enough non-sexual touch in our culture.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Lethargic, yes. Very much so. And in intense situations, the cortisol rush from that kind of sadness can even change the shape of our heart. It's called Taco Subo syndrome or broken heart syndrome. And it has killed people. After the Ivaldi shooting, the husband of one of the teachers that was killed. He went to put flowers near her memorial and had a heart attack and died. Broken heart syndrome. It actually changes the shape of the heart so the way that it pumps is insufficient. A broken heart can literally kill us. And so sadness does show up in the body. It's very dangerous for our health if we don't attend to it.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, tightness. But then also as that sadness intensity increases, arms tend to feel heavy, legs tend to feel heavy, our limbs kind of deactivate. And so we're slower. We get that fatigue. Sometimes our shoulders are dropping. So sadness shows up in our body literally that way.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. Well, we know how we feel because emotions begin in our bodies. So if anyone takes a moment now just to think of something that made them a little sad, I don't want people to go too far. Just close your eyes and notice where in your body you feel it. Very often people say they feel it around their heart. There's a heaviness here, kind of a weightiness.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's the garden planted eastward in Eden, and it says a river flowed into that garden, and when it left it split into four rivers, the R aorta comes out of the heart and splits off into four rivers. This is literally the garden of Eden planted in us. So if a seed was planted there, the roots would grow down into our belly. The trunk would grow all the way up and there'd be a fruit on the top. There's literally a tree in the center of the garden within, a tree of life, and that is what we call the vagus nerve. And when it's activated, it heals us. It brings us calm. It brings us connection. It takes us to our spiritual spaces. It also slows our heart down, regulates our blood pressure, balances our blood sugar. So our emotional and physical health are linked to this tree of life in the middle of our body. And that's that vagus nerve.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, the vagus nerve is the main nerve in a part of our body called the parasympathetic nervous system. And that nervous system's job is to help us emotionally regulate so that when we have been distressed, upset, angry, afraid, it activates to bring us back into a state of peace and calm and rest. What's incredible about it is it actually forms a tree in our bodies. And so in Genesis chapter 2, there is a description of the creation of humanity. And it says that a garden is planted eastward in Eden. So I always like to tell people, just stick your left arm out. That's the east side of your body.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's telling us right there that your emotional pain can break you spiritually. So in order for you to not allow that to continually happen, we must engage the pain instead of trying to use the spirit to cover it up because it will break you spiritually. It will break your perception of God. It will break your safety in the creator's presence because you have these questions that come from that kind of pain. You can't spiritually get around that. You have to go through it.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I call that spiritual bypassing. Because we want to get around this thing, but you cannot get around the soil of your heart. You can't do it in order to allow yourself to truly grow, you have to allow the pain to flow through. And so we need to stop letting our fear of emotional pain in our own selves and in other people's lives cause us to try to put spiritual band-aids on the wound that's happening there. Proverbs 15, 13 says this. By sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, John Wellwood observed this in his own Buddhist community. So, this isn't limited to a religion. And what he saw was that people were so desperate not to experience emotional pain that they would try to use their spiritual practices to numb it or ignore it rather than to grow from. And so in my Christian faith circles, this is, hey, don't worry about that child abuse that happened. You know, the Bible says forget those things which are in the past. It's all new now. And it's like, yes, not that new, though. I'm still in pain. That the joy of the Lord is your strength. Why are you crying? The joy of the Lord is your strength. I'm crying because I'm in pain. And so when we rush to grab our spiritual disciplines, our spiritual tools to numb or escape the pain.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Right, ever. But Jesus weeps in public, even though he knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. He still expressed the pain of the moment. We don't feel like we have time or space to express the pain of the moment. We see Jesus in the temple angry. He's like flipping tables. He's whipping folks who are misbehaving. And then he invites people into the temple and he heals them. And then we see him in Gethsemane, terrified, crying, again, expressing it publicly. And then he goes down out of the garden and says, I am he that you're looking for and he knocks all these soldiers off their feet with his voice. What I want so many black women who have turned to Jesus for strength to avoid their emotion to see is that Jesus expressed his emotional pain. And every single time he had a breakdown, something spiritually powerful happened immediately. There's something in that authenticity, in that brokenness, in that release.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So many of us have looked to Jesus at different times to give us strength. I want to point out how incredibly emotionally expressive Jesus was, that Jesus let his pain out. We feel like we're supposed to hold it in. Jesus is standing in front of the tomb of the Lazarus, weeping in public. We don't even want to cry in public.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And it didn't matter And you have that child inside, and you begin to believe it didn't matter, and so you silence him or her. And that is so scary. And that perpetuates generational trauma because what I've seen in clients that I've worked with for 20 years is that how you treat the child inside of you is how you will treat the child in front of you. And if you minimize the pain you have inside, fuck up. You got this. You won't see that they're hurting. You won't see the abuse that's happening because you ignore the child inside of you. So we have to heal internally to take care of our own children. That's why I'm around.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I feel like we've misunderstood that kid that stayed. That was a developmental trauma. It wasn't what happened to him. It's what didn't happen for him. That parent was so focused on the child who had gone astray, that the one who stayed was seen as ungrateful when really they were just unseen.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And he says you never threw a party for me. And he says, oh, you could add a party anytime you wanted. And they cast that child as ungrateful. But who wants to ask for a party in their own honor?”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You know, there's a story in the Bible about a prodigal son. And in that story, one of the sons goes out, takes the inheritance, is blowing the money. And then there's a kid who stays home. He was the good kid, like you mentioned earlier. And he comes to the father after he sees the father throw a party for the scapegoat kid, the bad kid, the black sheep.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's Russian roulette. What's gonna happen? Can you really do anything? And I had to work through that and find my power that I actually do have the capacity to shape how my children are raised and how they turn out. And man, they're amazing individuals. But I had to work through that fear or it would have choked them.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I took the script Wasn't even hers. She just didn't have the actual answer. This child has a mental illness. But I took it in. And so when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, oh, this is awesome. And I was like, oh my God. This poor”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It happens over and over again. That is what generational trauma is. Generational trauma is the story that we're telling, the toxic, dysfunctional, incorrect story that we tell and that we absorb and pass on. That's one of the greatest effects of generational trauma is the story has been distorted about what it means to have these life experiences. And so that was trauma for me.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That idea that I could just not have this, I may just be insufficient. And she was struggling to explain something. Like I said, we didn't have the understanding of mental illness yet. And so even with that understanding in my mind, the insufficiency script still lived in my heart.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You know, at the time, growing up, that was a script that I absorbed because my mom couldn't figure out what had happened to my sister. And so there was this sense of I just didn't know how to mother her. And so I heard that lament and it got into my heart.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I ended up giving birth on the hallway floor of my apartment. So when I said no medical intervention, I didn't mean that, but God totally surprised me. And it was the most beautiful experience. And I'm full of hope for what you're going to give me.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oh man. When I had my first child, I wanted to have him without unnecessary medical intervention. But there were some things that went wrong and I needed to be in the hospital. But the second time that I had a child when I had my daughter, I prayed and said, God, I really, really want to have my daughter without medical intervention. What I meant was when I go to the hospital, I don't want anything to go wrong there.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Hope is water in the garden. No soil is fertile without water. Everything we do is powered by hope. Now sometimes if we understand hope as expectation, sometimes it's a bad expectation. Sometimes we don't expect things to go well, but that's a hope of its own form. And then when we have positive or pleasurable expectations, that's the way we think about hope. But it's water in the garden. Nothing can grow without it. And it begins as a feeling. We often talk about hope as a mindset, but if people really sat down and got in touch with hope, they would feel that in their body. When you reflect on a time when God surprised you or something worked out unexpectedly, that feeling that you get, I call that hope. That something else good can happen. You feel at first, and then the water from the soil is drawn into the plant. That's the mind.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So Jesus is using emotion terms to distinguish among these soil types. And it's as if we've been reading the Bible all this time and never noticed. But it's right there. And so he's showing that the seeds of the words that fall in our heart are impacted by our emotional state. And so we have to pay attention to that.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Can you speak to that? Sure. In Matthew chapter 13, Jesus tells us this story called the parable of the sower. And he explains that there are three kinds of soil that are challenged. One's called wayside. It's hard and dry. The seed can't even get in. Another's called stony ground. It's rocky. It's got a little good soil. The seed gets in, but then it gets hot. It dies. And then there's this thorny ground where the seed's doing good. Fruit's growing. Thorn's choke it. When Jesus distinguishes among these soil types, he uses emotion terms. He says that in the stony ground there was joy when the seed went in, but then the sun comes out and the person got angry, they were offended, and the plant dies. So anger shows that it's destructive in that case. And then he says there are weeds of anxiety in the thorny soil. That's fear.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Our emotions are a part of every single decision we make. Our emotions are a part of our perception of the world. We are not always aware of them, but they are there. There was a huge shift in the neuroscience field starting around 2010 when they began to realize that our body, our core affect is actually preceding our thinking. And it's not a bad thing. That's why we don't want people to be heartless. I'd rather you be mindless than heartless. When we think about how important it is for you to have heart in everything you do, it's what makes us different from every other creature, the depth of our emotional capacity.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“We've been told that they are signs of weakness. We've been told that they must be set aside and kept separated from the mind as if that's a sterile field, from our spirit, as if that's a sterile field. It's always don't go with your emotions. Don't go with your emotions, but nothing happens without soil in the garden.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The more is relationships, the more is purpose, the more is leaving legacy. Those are the components. That's what we want to grow in this garden. And a lot of times people are skipping that. That's why I say we don't gather goals. We'll go out and say, oh, I want a lemon tree in my yard. And you go out and buy a bucket of lemons and then hang the lemons on the tree. That doesn't make it a lemon tree. I want to grow this internally from an emotionally well placed. It might take longer for me to get where I'm going. I'll get there well.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because they still haven't eaten. And so they get there and they don't feel the way they thought they would feel because they didn't think they needed connection or safety or value. They just need to achieve. But it's so much more than that to live this meaningful life.”
2023-11-15 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Anita Phillips · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source