YouSaid · the spoken record

Dr. Gary Chapman

lines on the record
20
first
2019-11-20
most recent
2019-11-20
sittings or episodes
1
sources
podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

  1. “I'm very, very encouraged, Oprah, because I knew the message when I wrote the book. I knew the message could change lives. And I tried to write it in the language of the common person so everybody could understand.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  2. “Qual A letter is really meaningful to people whose love language is quality time. So when you write her a letter, old fashioned letter, she's sitting there holding it in her hands. You held it in your hands. She's reading it again and again and again. It communicates to her much more than an email or a phone call. It is a way of giving quality time. Now, if you don't do these things when you are together, it'll sound kind of hollow. But if you're doing it before you deploy, you can continue to do that while you're deployed.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  3. “Let me say, first of all, that I have deep empathy for you. I spend a lot of time working with military couples, and all of us are grateful for what you're doing. I want to say that, first of all. And there's tremendous stress on military marriages, no question about it. And that's why I spend as much time as I can with military couples. The good news is about the love languages is that once you get them established, when you are together, you can speak them long distance when you're deployed. Now someone says, how can you speak physical touch when you're deployed? Okay? He's half a world away, but his language is physical touch. In an email or a phone call or an old-fashioned letter, you say to him, If I were with you right now, I'd give you a kiss you would never forget. And he feels it, even though you're half a world away. Because you're thinking his love language. And when you say that, he feels it. And if your love language is, what was it?”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  4. “If words of affirmation is their language, you can never give too much. Just like if acts of service is their language You can keep on doing it. They're going to be happy with it”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  5. “Things one, if four are equal. It means any one of those four you do, you're going to get credit for it. And here's a little game you can play when someone has several that are similar. Once a week, once every two weeks, you say to him, on a scale of zero to 10, how full is your love tank tonight? He gives you a reading. If it's anything less than 10, you say, what could I do to help fill it? He gives you an idea. And then you have a choice to do it or not to do it. But he's giving you information that would speak to him on that particular day, and they would be more important than the others.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  6. “Yeah, and then one day they say, you know, I just feel like you don't love me and I'm walking out. And you're blown away. What are you talking about? So, I think couples miss each other many times if they don't clarify what the language is. Because you're doing what you think would be meaningful to them.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  7. “I think so because otherwise you can be doing acts of service for 10 years and think that you're doing a great job of loving them.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  8. “That's why I wash dishes, I vacuum floors, I carry out the garbage, I live with a happy woman. And she tells me how great I am”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  9. “Be the most difficult for you to learn. If a couple marries and they both have the same love language, it might be much easier for them. Or if their first is your secondary, it's still going to be pretty easy. But if they're number one, it's your number five. That's where it's going to be a learning curve, stiff learning curve. But the good news is all of these can be learned, even if you didn't receive them in childhood. You can learn them in adulthood if you understand why it's important to speak that language.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  10. “Him on the shoulder. Just a little baby step until you begin to feel more comfortable speaking that language. But we have to remember that love is a choice. And when we find out the information as to what makes the other person feel loved, we either choose to do it or we choose not to do it. And when we choose to do it, we stimulate love in the relationship. When we choose not to do it,”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  11. “I think one of the things I would observe is that what you're doing, Dwayne, is what all of us do by nature. We speak our own language. So physical touch makes you feel loved. So what do you do to show your love to her? You're reaching out and touching her. But it doesn't mean to her what it means to you. So if you can understand that, then when you give her words of affirmation, it's like she's getting a big hug from you. And when you hug her, it's not really speaking to her. You speak your own language. And what you really want, I'm thinking, is for her to take initiative to touch you. Rather than your having always to touch her. And so if that's the case, you'll have to learn how to touch. And if touch doesn't come natural for you, which it doesn't for some people, you take baby steps.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  12. “Euphoric. Then there's the one that's far more intentional. And we have to learn how to communicate love. But the need is still there and the ability is still there if we get the information on what makes them feel love”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  13. “Yes. Oh, we made a mistake. We shouldn't have gotten married I identify with that because, as I said, I felt that in the early years of my marriage. When I came down off the high. But if we can understand going in that there are two stages to romantic love, there's the in-love experience, and then there's a boy.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  14. “A good conversation about something that's positive in life. And the more you can give him undivided attention, the more he's going to feel loved by you. When both of you feel loved, if the love tank is full, it's much easier to solve the conflicts that exist between the two of you. Every couple has conflicts. Some learn to resolve them and some don't.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  15. “Talk a lot about it in five minutes. I just use the love tank as a picture, you know, the gasoline tank in the car. If it's empty, the car is not going to move. And the same thing is true. And I like to picture inside of us. There's an emotional love tank. If the tank is full, that is, we genuinely feel loved, then life is beautiful. If the love tank is empty and we don't feel loved, life begins to look pretty dark, and the differences get bigger. So I think, you know, the key in terms of how this particular insight could help, if you understand that her language is words of affirmation, then you're going to look for things that you do see positive in her, and you're going to verbalize that to her. That's going to make her feel a lot better because she's sharing some positive things coming from you. And what I hear him saying, his language is quality time. That means he wants to talk with you. He wants to be with you, but not always discussing the problems and the conflicts. Can't we just sit down and have a...”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  16. “You know, one of the things I think you're experiencing, first of all, is a very common thing when we come down off the high of the in-love experience, which didn't take any effort at all. And if we don't know each other's love language, what happens is the love tank gets empty, neither of us really feel loved, the differences get bigger, we end up arguing with each other and without resolving anything. And after a while, we're asking, why did we get married? We don't even like each other. And I identify with that because in the early years of my marriage, my wife and I went through that same sort of scenario because we had no concept of the love languages in those days.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  17. “It's easy for some people, but it's difficult for others. If you grew up in a home, Where you seldom heard positive words. Now you get to be an adult and you find out that your spouse or a friend of yours' words is their primary language, it'll be difficult. It's a learning curve. And what I suggest to people is that you get a notebook, you write down things you hear other people say, or things you read in a magazine. Stand in front of the mirror, read them out loud until you hear yourself saying these things, then walk in the room where they are and say one of them and run. And you've broken the silence.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  18. “One of them is words of affirmation using words to affirm the person. You look nice in that outfit. Okay? Words. Another is quality time. Quality time. Giving me your undivided attention. Not talking about necessarily talking to each other, but doing something together. And we are the focus. You are my focus, quality time. Then there's receiving gifts, universal to receive gifts as an expression of love. The gift says he was thinking about me. Look what he got for me. Acts of service doing something for the other person. In a marriage, such things as washing dishes and vacuuming floors and those kind of things. Physical touch. We've long known the emotional power of physical touch. Powerful communication. Those are the five.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  19. “And over and over again, one would say, I feel like my spouse doesn't love me. And the other would say, I don't know why I do this and this and this. Why don't they feel loved? And I knew there was a pattern, but I didn't know what it was. So, what I did was go through 12 years of notes that I made when I was counseling. And I ask myself the question when someone said, I feel like my spouse doesn't love me. What did they want? What were they complaining about? And their answers fell in five categories. And I later called them the five love languages.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  20. “I have been counseling probably for 15 years, and I knew I was hearing the same stories over and over and over. Marriage counseling? Marriage counseling.”

    2019-11-20 · Oprah's Super Soul · Oprah and Dr. Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source