YouSaid · the spoken record

Edward Enninful

lines on the record: 89
first: 2023-05-29
most recent: 2023-05-29
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“I remember getting to Milan and literally breaking down and calling a friend and said, I think I'm done. I think I'm done with drinking. I think I'm done. And I became sober for the next 14 years or so. I knew my life had to change. I moved from London to New York to be away from everyone. And that's what I did. But... My career was totally unaffected. People who have addictions can be functioning, so my career was at the top. You know at the time. I could have just carried on, but I just knew that life had to change. I just knew I had to. Develop some kind of spirituality. I just needed. Be able to look at myself and not, you know, hate myself.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I was supposed to be there on day one. And by the time I got my passport back, it was day four. I literally went to the American embassy to get my passport with a bottle of vodka in my hand.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I remember sort of around 2002. I mean, I'd been in the industry for so long. I was creating fashion shows for the best designers in the world. I was flying every day or every few days to a different country, you know, living the life, as they call it. But I was always the most miserable I'd ever been. I would be in a room surrounded by lots of people and feel really lonely. There was a sense of loneliness that was sort of creeping into my life every day. And there's the saying that you can be in a room surrounded by thousands of people and be lonely, but that kept getting stronger and stronger. So I started drinking a lot and I started sort of going out a lot, you know, recreational drugs. One day I was supposed to go to Italy to work on a show, a big show for Designist, Koto Chica Banner, and I had a party, and I lost my passport.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know I had to belong somewhere. I never felt I really belonged anywhere. And that really... A factor sitting here 50 years old, you know, I've been able to deal with my demons, you know, through work, through therapy, whatever you want to call it. So I'm a different person now, but I'm still that saying, I still have those feelings of... Yeah, you just have to make As best as it can be. But now, not detrimental to my health, not detrimental to my mental health. I'm a young person, you don't think of that. Just have to move forward and you have to be the best you can be, whatever that is.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, you know, everyone says why this sense of insecurity, what you have to remember is I was in. An incredible home and I lost it An incredible country lost it an incredible family lost it went into a gay scene that was so dark. Was so different to what I expected, so lost that. So for me, there's always a sense of loss that I had to overcome. Make sense”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I got to a point where I went, okay, you can let that go for now. And yeah, see things from a different angle. Yeah, my imposter syndrome definitely propelled me.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No way. I always say had I not had my imposter syndrome, had I not had the need to be better? I mean, I never look at anything I've done and think this is amazing. I'm always, no, I'm like, how can I do better? How can I make this better? How can I make this issue better? How can I make this better? And that's really what's driven me all these years. Even when an issue comes out of British folk, I don't look at it till two months later because I would literally see all the mistakes. And that's something I learned from back then. So my insecurity is really, that's what drove me. That's what kept driving me. Not the successes. It's the fact that think this wasn't good enough or that wasn't good enough or this could be better.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh my god. I talk about imposter synd And then your mind is saying to you, you're not meant to be here. You're this little African boy. Who do you think you are? And you're trying to work. And I know a lot of young people speak to a lot of young people today. And when they hear that I suffer from imposter syndrome, they can't believe it. I'm like, that's just part of life. It never goes away. You learn where to put it. Like I know that I've done this long enough to know that what I do is okay. A good day. But yes, it was quite difficult those early days. So that leads you to drinking and that leads you to going out, just the numb your insecurities and your fears.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Work on the cover shoots, style it, find a photographer. I'd write all the shopping pages. I'd work on layouts. I would shoot fashion stories. I would write designer interviews. What's like a one-man army? And I didn't realize that I was soaking in. I was soaking in an industry. I was soaking in really, you know, everything I do in my job now comes from those days. But there I was in sort of a magazine for young people, by young people, and I was learning my craft. And it was exciting every day. I didn't want to go to, I didn't want sleep. I didn't want to sleep, but I was definitely a workaholic, you know, work meant everything to me. And if something went wrong in work, I would just collapse and not know how to handle it. Doesn't make sense.”
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“Some kind of a rural fish and something that people wanted to help hone because had I not had these people, I would never have known how to research a great shoot or how to write a great story. I think I must have been so wide-eyed and innocent that everybody wanted to help me. Everybody wanted to help me win. But I also know that you do that with people. For me now, I do that with people I see have a certain talent, a certain raw talent. So I think now it's not down to luck, you know, luck will get you through the door, but something has to sustain you. But in those early days, I was so grateful. Know for all these people who thought I had something special. But mind you, even working at ID when I was so young, I mean, I didn't have an assistant, so I would literally.”
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“I mean, I always thought it was luck. I always thought I was in the right place at the right time. I'd met the right people, but I learned later on, of course, that I must have had something in the raw. I must have had a raw talent. I must have had...”
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“I rejected my family. I thought they could have done more. Help me. I had a baby sister who's not my agent and she didn't understand why from one day to the next I left. I was seeing my family less and I embraced a whole new world. I mean in this world I was Edward. I was beautiful. I was shiny. The word that I hate that I was exotic back then. And it felt like this is where I needed to be. But underneath, I was. Was a mess. I was the same insecure little boy hiding from my father. But because I was in a position of power, I had to. I have to cover up the shyness and essentially grow up again, grow up super fast”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Work was everything for me. Work meant everything. Work was when I was happiest, work was when I was saddest, work was when I felt like myself work was where I felt like an imposter. It's almost like every emotion you have in a family, what do you call it? In the family dynamic, I had at work. And it goes back to being in an industry from a very young age from 16. Don't forget, the age of 13, I came from another country. 16, I was modeling. 18, I was an editor. So the impostury.”
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“Both. I was running away from a life. that had proven too difficult. Know, as you said, you know, black, young, gay, you know, all these intersections, as they call it today. So I really wasn't fitting at home. And I was just kind of. What I was hurtling towards, but I just knew. That work would get me there My family wouldn't get me there, you know, but work somehow would get me. And I didn't know where I was going.”
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“Also, people who are caring. Had I been on my own out there in the world, I don't know what would have happened. I had Judy Blame who said, you know, I've just got a new house. Come and stay with me, rent free. You know, I was eighteen. Come and stay with me rent free. I had, you know, my editors would just give me money like, okay, you're working so hard. I was so lucky. That's why it's so important for me to mentor young people. It's so important for young people to have mentors. Because had I not been looked after, I don't know where I would be. And also I had this work ethic from my dad and my mother. Coupled with a fear of going back home, it was just forward, forward motion.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And draft. Basically, all I know I mean, you started. Anybody who started an industry at a young age will tell you that you're just driven. I didn't even know what I was heading towards. All I knew that. A workaholic. I would do anything that was needed to be done. I wouldn't sleep. I wouldn't sleep if I had to return close from East London to West London. I'd walk. It didn't matter. And you also shaped by certain people around you at the time. I mean, I had great mentors, you know, Terry and Tricia Jones, who owned ID magazine, were really supportive of me. And I also had Simon Foxton. I always say to people, I couldn't have succeeded if I didn't have great people around me. I was so lucky to have not only the best people in the industry.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I remember one day coming home and my dad was like House University and something just said you can't lie and you can't lie to him. Anymore, so I said, you know what, Been working, you know, as a model. I've been working at ID magazine, I haven't really been going to university, and he was furious. He threw my things out the window, my clothes out the window. And I remember picking them up and thinking, I am never coming back here. And funny enough, that's what propels me. Because sometimes I have dreams where I've gone back home because things didn't work out. I remember saying to myself, I'm never coming back to this house with my tail between my legs. I'm never coming back. The same day I went into ID magazine and the fashion director Beth Summers was leaving and she said, you're taking over.”
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“I did for him for my thought. But the brilliant thing about going to university was I was doing all these things and I was, you know, I was establishing myself as a model. Just in magazines and worked on shows and I thought, oh, you know, I could do this side by side. It wasn't until I got to go to Swiss University and I remember I went for three months and one of my lecturers literally was like, okay, so what do you do outside of here? And I explained what I've been doing. I'd also been working with a magazine called ID as, you know, sort of interning. I mean, I was like so in love with this world. I was at college. I was modeling. I was whatever I could do. And I remember the teacher saying to me, you know, what you're doing now is what most of our students would like to do when they leave. So yeah, just follow it. And I never went back.”
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“They didn't know what media was. You know, if you say to my dad, I'm going to be a journalist and be like, what? You know, there were the practical jobs that we talked about. So I don't really blame my dad now that I'm older. He just wanted me to have something that was secure. But try telling a 16 or 17 year old who's discovered a world where they belong. Turn I knew that wasn't going to happen.”
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“I mean, I remember the first day I walked onto photo shoot, I think it was the Pepe jeans. I talk about it. And I looked around the room and I saw photography. I saw lights. I saw styling. I saw just a world where everybody seemed so happy, so collaborative. And in that moment, I knew. I wanted to be in this world. In that the second I walked in. And I also knew that it wouldn't be as a model in front of the camera. I would be something else. I didn't know anything about the industry. Also, don't forget when our parents came over from, you know, the Commonwealth”
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“I was hiding it. My mother and I were hiding it. My mother was so good. I remember the first job she'd go with me to cast things and on my shoots sometimes because I was 16. I was a baby. And then she really trusted Simon Foxton. So then, you know, Simon would look after me. And we kept it all for my dad. I had a sister who was again stopped in Canada. By a famous model agent Joe Casablanca used to be a model, and my dad said, No way, you're not doing this. So somehow in the back of my head, he wasn't going to stop me. So, yeah, I was pretending to go to school when I was going to cast things. I was pretending to go to school when I was going to shoot. So it's very cloak and dagger. My mother and I, it was fun.”
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“Be a model, and I didn't even know what modeling was, and I remember going home and telling my mother, and she's like, no way are you going into that industry with those people, I don't even know what those people meant, but I think years later, I think she made gay people Of course, I found out later Simon was gay and the whole industry was gay. By the time it was like, but, you know, I wore her down. I wore her down. I wore her down. Eventually she called Simon and I went on my first photo shoot. Again, I was stopped by model agents and I got an agent and sort of my love for the industry really begun from there.”
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“Should have Timer Fox, then, yeah. I mean, so I was like 16. I left Fauxall Lillian Bailey School. I wanted to go to Kingsway, Princeton College, and I remember saying to my mom, oh my God, I don't want to wear glasses anymore because I have these huge And I read, I was always like reading, and I discovered there was something called contact lenses. So I said, mom, can I get a pair? You know, we didn't have money, but she somehow, I went to the optician and somehow, because my... My fishing is so bad. I've always been sort of in the high minus nine, minus 10. They gave me contact lenses, the really hard ones. If anybody remembers. And I, yeah, a week later I was on a train, you know, going to Hammersmith to college and I was stopped by a gentleman who turned out to be one of the biggest fashion editors in the country.”
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“Yeah, I mean, you know, I was very shy. I was painfully shy. You know, I couldn't speak. Sometimes I couldn't even walk into a room if there were people in there. There was this shyness and I just didn't feel worthy. I didn't feel good enough. I didn't feel... I didn't feel like I had the right to. Even be who I was doesn't make sense. Know, I just didn't feel. Like a wanted, you know, like a wanted child, really. So it wasn't until I was stopped on the train to be a model then things really changed. Before then I was just an immigrant kid, you know, the number five and anybody knows when you're number five. Nobody's got any time for you. The fifth child. So I always sort of kept a very low profile, didn't really want, you know, didn't really want to stand out because that will mean you'll be punished. Think I led life a lot like that.”
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“I mean, you know, he would say things like that, like, oh my God, I knew any gay person, if any gay person entered the house, I'll slit your throat. But my cousin was living there. My cousin Michael, he was gay. So back to your question. How did it make me feel?”
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“Couldn't work, you know, had to seek asylum. And we were the lowest of the low at the point, even though at school, I would remember people would use words like, oh my God, they're the boo-boos, which means was the word they used for someone from Africa. So not only was it tough, I went to an all-black school. Thank God. I think my dad knew that the country was so different from anything we knew that he put me in an all-black school. And to this day, I'm so grateful for that because my work late everyone talks about how can you portray black people so beautifully and i'm like that's all i know right but those early years were tough they were tough just a new country a new school and you felt a sense of not being liked as a black person You know, so those were tough.”
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“And I remember, you know, we decapped to Vauxhall to my aunt's flat. And this was, you know, the year, Margaret Thatcher's reign and the Susl laws. The Brixton riot, and you know, I remember the first time I was stopped on the street by the police with my brothers because, you know, teenage black kids, they assume you're up to no good. We had to go to school in Foxhall, Lillian Bailey School over the bridge. And it was just scary leaving the house. And my father was so traumatized by this country. You know, there was a military man who, you know, ran a battalion. Now,”
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“I mean, you know, as I said before, I grew up in Ghana, my early years, where everything is possible. The doctors are black, the president's black, the lawyer's black, everybody's black, every profession. And then one day we were on a plane to England, me and my siblings, because my dad had gone ahead and my mother had to stay behind. We arrive at Gatwick Airport and we're detained because we didn't really have the right papers. You know, before Margaret Thatcher laid the law down, you could come to England from any Commonwealth country without a visa. But we didn't realize she stopped just sort of a month before. So we came anyway. We were detained. And I remember looking around the room and saying to my brothers, oh my God, everyone's white. And it was the strangest thing I'd ever seen because in Ghana everyone's black.”
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“With a great career for an African child, for an African parent that was it, a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer. So I always felt sometimes even in the fashion industry when I was young of it, I'm not really doing what I'm supposed to be doing. If I was a doctor, my dad would be so proud. And, you know, I carried that with me for years until, you know, I had to deal with it. Parents, our parents shape us without really realizing. Someone said there's no real book to being a parent. So, you know, they learn as they're going along. And my dad, you know, he was a young man. And yeah, in the later years, things got better.”
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“Yeah, but can you, as a creative child, can you imagine that's your calling? But you don't even know at that age that this is what you're meant to do, but you just know it just felt like something that was wrong. So I spent a lot of years just really loving what I do, you know, loving the fashion industry, but at the same time thinking there's something wrong with that. While all this was going on, I was being sort of each day I was being told you're going to be a lawyer or a doctor or an engineer. So to me, those were the great careers that you needed.”
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“I mean, I think what I inherited from that. That period was just this fear overriding fear that never leaves you, a sense that I was never good enough, a sense that Hide to hide any form of brilliance because looking at those early drawings that I did, they're not far removed from what I do now. But it was just like, don't show how brilliant you are. Don't show how good you are. Hide it. Hide it.”
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“My sister wasn't born then, and yeah, he was very terrifying to me in all aspects. But then my mother was just the most creative, most, you know, incredibly warm mother who would literally sort of, you know, here's the paper, here's the pen, you know, come in the room. There's this lady so hurrying to the dress, zip her up. So it was very weird having my dad who was not artistic in any way, but so disciplined, you know, and my mother who was just a creative. And it's really funny because now I am literally both. I am so disciplined in my work. So disciplined there on time. And then also so creative on the other hand. So I got something from both. But yes, in those early years, my dad was a source of terror to me.”
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“I mean, my father was a military man he was in the peace corpse from Ghana, so they spent ages sort of You know, for her in peace in places like Liberia and the Middle East. And he was there, then he wasn't. But we were petrified of him. When he was around you wouldn't play outside? He expected us all to be home studying, and he was very authoritarian, very African, very strict. So, yes, I was always very scared. And I was sort of the creative child, always drawing, illustrations of drawing women all the time. And I'll hear, you know, that's coming and I'll just rip them up because I was literally in fear of him. And my dad had the same one. We laugh about it now. When he got angry, it wasn't just start with one. The anger would descend to me essentially number five.”
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“Then we had to move to London because there was a military coup, and my dad from one day to the next I had to leave. So that was the next chapter.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That was how I grew up in Ghana. I mean, you know, I was always a sickly child, so I would always be with my mother. A lot. And I really learned about sort of women and what really makes them tick. You know, I always say I can tell when a woman is happy in a dress by the flick of a wrist or a little wince of the nose. And so my mother was a really great influence. I didn't know anything about fashion, but I had an aunt who had a salon called Dolly Dots. And she was a hairdresser, and that was like paradise for me. And it was there that I discovered magazines It was a magazine called Ebony, just an American magazine that they would get every month, another one called Jet. and another one called tim And I would literally devour those pages. Yeah, I was really happy. It was a really happy childhood.”
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“with about forty women sought to spend days just really helping her fit women into clothes and you know little African boys standing around the corner listening to the gossip being shoed away but I always say that's when I develop my love for women all women because you know my mother's friends my aunts We're all bodacious women of different size as big women if you. If you want to put it that way, but they were just beautiful and vivacious and alive. So really, that was.”
2023-05-29 · The Diary of a CEO · Editor Of Vogue (Edward Enninful OBE): How To Become No.1 In Your Industry Against All The Odds! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Thank you for having me. So I see read in the book. I was born in a city called Takarati in Ghana, West Africa. My dad was in the army. He was a major. My mother was a seamstress. And we lived on a military base in the town. So already was a weird way of growing up where you are in a town, but you're not in the town. You're on a military base with your own sets of rules. Tradition, so that's where I was, and my mother was a seamstress. and I grew up in love with clothes, in love with my mother, and in love with clothes. And I was always with her when her customers came in and my mother was one of those rare women who had their own business. In the 70s in Africa, she had.”
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“I woke up one day and I saw these black markings in my vision. I was so scared I knew after that that I had to change my life.”
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“I grew up petrified of him. Each day I was being told you're going to be a lawyer or a doctor. I knew that wasn't going to happen. At the age of 13, I came from another country. 16 I was modelling. 18 I was an editor. It was quite fast. Work was everything for me. There was this notion that women of colour on covers don't sell. I knew I would need to do something about it. I didn't just create a magazine that looked good, but it's so financially Really? I mean, I never look at anything I've done and think this is amazing. I wouldn't sleep that leads you to drinking and that leads you to God. You always have to fight.”
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