YouSaid · the spoken record

Eliza Filby

lines on the record: 50
first: 2024-09-29
most recent: 2024-09-29
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“and internalize and interrogate myself. How can I improve myself? How can I learn more? How can I, what are the tricks, clicks, podcasts to read? You know, how do I count my steps, my REM sleep? All of this constant incessant, all in the cult of self-perfection and its relentless and damaging, frankly, not just to our mental health, but quite often our physical health. And so I think, yeah, one of the sort of byproducts of writing a book about broader economic forces that have governed our lives is maybe just like don't blame the self as much.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and I think that so much of that kind of lean-in feminism has been about internalizing these issues and going, what do I need to have to do? And so much of our generations mantra has been about self-care, self-improvement, you know, self-regulation, you know, self-self. And actually, take it away from the self, take it out of the self because that's relentless and leads to burnout and comparison and anxiety and frankly terror. And actually realize what else is going on here. And I think you're right. You know, it's particularly something I feel like women are prone to, which is let me try and improve myself. Let me internalize all the stuff that's going on.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Economics and wealth are now playing in the dating game. And so that's the kind of sort of summation of the book and why I read the book. It's not marry a rich man in finance. That's not the advice here. It's marry a man in finance with a rich dad. No, it's kind of like, can we really understand the dynamics and economics of relationships? Can we really understand the dynamics and the infantilization that's going on within families and with our parents? Can we really understand those that and how those meritocratic millennials have made it? What have they done? Have they done degree apprenticeships? Okay, what industries have they gone into? Is it accountancy and banking? Or is it tech, you know, STEM? And look at those dynamics because I think they help us see the sort of the world that we're living in and the dynamics that are driving it. And that's...”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I interviewed a girl called Lucy who had a joint account with her mother, but not a joint account with her partner with whom she had a property. And it's just really interesting to me that in the era of the declining power of the male breadwinner, women obviously earning more still a gender pay gap, we know that, but quite often they were found more financial security and stability in their parents than in a man. And so, you know, when you have significantly more women going to university than men, there's a whole section in the book about how actually there's just, it makes dating really difficult when, you know, women by and large in an inheritocracy want to marry or partner up with men of equal or more than wealth bracket than them. And so let's get real about dating and the world.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And ask yourself certain questions. What role does money play in your relationships? What's the kind of what kind of career are you entering and what's the financial dynamics of that career? Who's making it? Who's not? Why? To what extent is your education something you can capitalize on or not? And it's how savvy can we be about the economics and dynamics within society? Because that's what I feel like is that we weren't told this stuff. We weren't told this stuff. And I really wish we had. And, you know, for example, one of the key questions of the analysis around gender is to what extent I was surprised by how many of my girlfriends were more reliant on their parents than a partner.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“struggled to generate the wealth that they themselves were a beneficiary of. So rather than reflect on their own privilege, they reflect on their parents' hard struggle. And so again, it's just that kind of like, can you interrogate your own story and realize, you know, where you, what's been the drivers of that? But to finally answer your key point, which is, you know, is this all a bit fatalistic and are we all screwed? That's where I think you were going. And I would say that the most important thing we can do as a generation is to understand the forces at play and try and subvert them. And understand, you know, and I would say not that, you know, if you want to subvert the inheritocracy, do this. I would say if you want to subvert the inheritocracy, I would intend.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Can we understand that? Can we talk about it, self-reflect on how our career choice, our, you know, economic opportunities, our sense of self, frankly, have been determined not wholly by these key economic drivers? And I think I wanted to ask people that have had the Bank of Mom and Dad reflect on their privilege a bit more because there's brilliant academic study done by two academics that found that having interviewed people that were beneficiaries of the Bank of Mum and Dad, quite often what people do when they talk about their own financial privilege, they refer back to how hard their parents have worked or how working class their parents were or how their parents”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I frankly wish I'd read this book thirteen years ago. And that's why I wrote it. I wanted to write something that helped our generation and maybe also our parents' generation, the narrative, the economic narrative driving our early adulthood. And I also, though, wanted to tease out the nuance of that story because it's not just, if you don't have the Bank of Mum and Dad, you're screwed. And if you do, you're flying. I want to tease out the regional differences, the cultural differences, the racial differences, the gender differences which play a huge part, the class dynamics, because essentially we're talking about class and how those definitions have changed. So the nuance of that. And ultimately, saying we all have our own inheritance.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I want to just add actually on that front though, I think it's really important also to say that it's also something you do out of love. You know, actually there was something incredibly beautiful about looking after my father before he died and also subsequently looking after my mother who moved in with us for a couple of years. It is the most human thing you can do other than raising a child. You know, that proximity to life and death is identity forming. And quite often, you know, driven by love. And so I don't want to be crude and economically driven talking about this. I want to stress the human story and the beauty in all of this. And we all love each other. Isn't that great? But I also think we need to have a realistic conversation about the complexities of that.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If that's what I'm doing, obligation there, and then I'm going to do what I want to do. And he was in his mid 30s. And he was aware that time was running out for him.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“When you have a child, you kind of, you know, it's a gradual. With elder carrots, the exact opposite. You know, it's the gradual diminishing of independence, human autonomy, with someone who's, you know, very rarely complicit, really frustrated, and sometimes someone who you have a really complex emotional history with. And so that is just, it's really harrowing, and I'm going to use that word, hopefully not in a patronizing way, talking to people that had done elder care over the course of decades and years and how restrictive they found that, how trapped they felt, how particularly I spoke to one guy who looked after both his father and mother and running the family business. And he was just like, you know, I'm going to give them eight years and then I'm off. They're getting eight years. And it was really interesting. He put like a really cut-off point.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, and I think that's a really important point that you alluded to there, is that We are sort of predisposed to think that certain life stages come with certain things. There's an expectation around what women do in their 20s and 30s and early 40s around child rearing. An increasing number of millennial women are obviously choosing to be child free. But there is a really important fate that's kind of hitting us all, which is our parents. And that also becomes really complex. If they are, you have a complex emotional history with your parents, or if they have complex medical needs, or if they live in another country, or, you know, if you have siblings and only you are stepping up, or if there's marriage remarriage and divorce in those dynamics, or, you know, if you really don't like your mother-in-law, but you're stuffed actually trying to look after her because your husband's working. Elder care is really different to mothering. I describe it in the book as, you know.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A great degree than even boomers in Gen X who have also looked after elderly relatives, the elder care penalty. And having a serious conversation about that do we can't outsource elder care. Can we afford to? Can we outsource elder care? Can we afford to? Do men need to step up? You know, millennial fathers have been doing changing more nappies than any other generation of fathers before them. Great. Are they going to change catheters as well? Because men have to step up on the elder care front as much as they've stepped up on the fatherhood front. And that's, I think, a conversation that I'd like to have more openly as well.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The last sort of couple of years her mum was bed bound. And she talks about getting trapped, getting trapped looking after her mother. So I think we talk a lot about the gender pay gap, the motherhood penalty, and the impact that raising children has on our lives. Quite right. you know, drowning right now with two children under seven. But the thing is, is that what we're not talking about is the opposite end where you are going to be required to do quite significant portions, sometimes decades, potentially decades worth of elder care. And illnesses are much more complex. How does that work out? And how does that impact women, millennial women? Because if they experience the motherhood penalty in the workplace, my fear is that they also may experience”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, elder care is something we don't talk about. And I wanted to write a chapter about it in the book because last 40 years has been about parents investing in the child. What's the complexities of that when that has to be reversed? And particularly for women. When my father was ill, terminally ill, he said to me I'm glad I had three daughters and not three sons. Because all three of us, and he was right to say that, my dad was quite a blunt man, but he was right to say that because essentially what he was saying is you're caring for me, I know you're caring for me. Now my dad was ill for a very short amount of time and, you know, he kept saying you've got a lot to get on with, you know, get on with life. Don't worry about me. But I interviewed a woman in the book called Carol who looked after and was her mum's chief carer for 14 years of her life. 14 years of her life.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And also, frankly, we're living longer, well compared to we're living slightly less actually, but we're living longer generally in the broader narrative of things than our parents or grandparents did. And we're living longer with complex illnesses. So one of the things that I really wanted to sort of tease out in the book was what happens when you have to parent your parents? And guess what? Elder care suddenly becomes a massive issue if your parents have looked after you then you have to look after them. And so in an inheritocracy when the bank of mum and dad have been such a pivotal influence in people's lives, there's a payback expected there. Now as someone who's cared for, you know, my father before he died, it's a really, it's not something for you to step up and do what, you know, you're expected to do. You just do it. You do it out of love. You do it out of care.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Affecting health I mean, the obvious one is that. We all Living sedentary lives sitting is the new smoking. And we are all going to have to work longer. And so managing long-term financial security and our health is going to be a really difficult juggling act.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Carved it out for you. And I think the problem is that we're realizing the prison of that. Is the too much freedom, too much choice, and that sort of like difficulties of backloading adulthood and realizing actually the economic obstacles of realizing it when we need it and when we want it is really difficult.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Or it's made us happy. And I think our feminist mothers were doing a great, you know, doing us a great service in particularly girls going, do everything I couldn't, you know, be that person, do that job, have that career, have that financial independence, frankly, you know, lots of sex, you know, enjoy liberation because our generation”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“As rich as the boomers. And so I can't rely on them as much as you did. So I'm going to do things differently. And you're already saying, you know, multiple streams of revenue earlier, like a real strong investment culture amongst Gen Z, greater financial savviness and education and literacy. A much realist, much more realistic vision of work and how it pays and what it gets you much greater interest in self-learning and upskilling through non-conventional means and non-institutional pathways. Non-institutional pathways, what jargon is that? Not going to university. Not institutional pathways, Jesus. And I think just like...”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, social mobility has stalled. There are examples of it. I think it's interesting if you look at how Gen Z are talking about opportunity. Gen Z, I think, aren't beholden to the sort of straightjacket that millennials have fallen into, which is, you know, get a degree all will be well. I think they're much more realistic, savvy, and entrepreneurial. And I think possibly, therefore, less constrained by a set pathway than we were and even, you know, just really challenging beliefs, for example, around home ownership. Do we need to own a home? Challenging beliefs around multi sources of income. So I think that what you're seeing within Gen Z is a really interesting reaction against the millennial script deliberately and going, actually, what you've done hasn't really worked out for you. And my parents aren't as rich because Gen X, their parents invariably aren't.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That his opportunity very much came from a good employer. And I think that's also a really interesting conversation as we enter a stage where degree apprenticeships are becoming more of more desirable. Like, you know, we're living in the age of AI and automation where, frankly, the individual can't afford to upskill, but maybe the employer can help keep us agile upskilled and support us more than our parents. Businesses complain that young people are hard to manage and not loyal and change jobs. And actually, yeah, because they're better off being loyal to their parents than the employer. And that's a revelation to someone in their 50s who has, you know, been really loyal to their employer and their employers got them a house and a nice pension. Thank you very much. That's not the reality for someone in their early 20s.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“of opportunity. And I think in the book, I tell the story of Carl, who was just really interesting to talk to. He was a guy, he lived in Hartleypool, and he hadn't gone to university, started as an apprentice in his local big business, big plant as a welder. They'd basically paid for him to do a degree. And then as part as an employee share option, they'd enabled him to save up enough money for a deposit for a house. He didn't have the bank of mom and dad. What he did have instead was an amazing employer. And he subsequently left that employer and has now gone on to work. He earns 100 grand a year. And he's living in a very nice house and he was... He said to me, I can't believe by luck, I'm murdering more money than I ever thought possible. But what's interesting about him is that he recognizes”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And as a stress, it's not just the tertiary education system, even the secondary education system is very much driven by the property market now and the fact that one in three students have a tutor, a personal tutor. That idea of the state education system being a level playing field is frankly just not true. It's driven by parental wealth as much as the private sector. There's all sorts of ways in which you can, I think, make inheritance matter less and obviously taxing wealth and taxing estates. Now, as someone who's been a beneficiary of the Bank of Mum and Dad, I have to be honest is that, you know, we shouldn't penalize people growing wealth, building wealth, and passing that on. What we should critique is a system where that becomes the only avenue.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's such a great question. My goodness. I mean, I wish I had all the answers. I mean, I think there is a society here, and by the way, it's not just the UK, I want to stress, that has an inheritocracy. There are global dynamics that are happening across the world, similar ilk. But I love Paul Johnson's quote, which is this idea of can we make inheritance and frankly inheritocracy matter less. That can be achieved if we build enough houses, incentivize more movement in the housing market. If we generate a wage growth economy in which people can gain wealth and stability and gain more from their earned income rather than their reliance on their parents, we can do if there is, you know, I think greater fairness in the education system.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“their inheritance and plan their gifting to their children and have been acts you know had access to advice frankly have been able to put their money in agricultural land in their grandchildren in the aim market as business relief and so people I mean one financial advisor said to me if I want to avoid paying inheritance tax I can if I want to avoid a client playing inheritance”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The specifics of the inheritance tax is something that when we say inheritance, people go right, inheritance tax. That's what we need to latch on to. And yes, that's right. Only 4% of estates actually pay it. You know, I spoke to one guy who his father passed away. His mum had passed away several years previously. His dad had passed on. His estate was worth a million pounds at just over a million pounds. And this gentleman ended up paying inheritance tax of just eight thousand pounds on an inheritance of a million pounds. So not only is there a tax that doesn't necessarily tax arguably the right people who have that kind of level of wealth, but also there's lots of loopholes. And one of the things that I explore in the book is the way in which people that have been able to play”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So there's two elements to this, really. The first is for a long time we have prioritized a tax system that favours wealth owners rather than wage earners. And There was political reasons for that because the Conservative Party essentially was looking after its voters, the older wealth owners. And that impetus has gone, that political motivation is gone. I also think there's a recognition if we are going to go for growth, as this country needs to and plug that hole, that massive hole in public finances, we need to be building businesses and we need to be rewarding workers and not just rewarding wealth owners. So there will be an inevitable shift, I think, both in terms of emphasis and tax and favoritism from the wealth owners that have seen the best of it since the 2008 financial crisis and the wage earners who really haven't and have seen wages stalled and not buy them what it bought their parents. So I think there's general economic mood is shifting on that front. The second thing is”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just about, you know, boomers have all the money, millennials just kind of like disadvantaged and having too much avocado on toast. It's actually fundamental threads current running through.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's impacting family dynamics, inheritance tax planning. There's so many avenues of the economy in which it's dominating. It is the story behind the story. And also ultimately, social care is another decision which will be governed by inheritance. And I spoke to lots of families where they're in the position now, where they're parenting the parent, the children are stepping up to look after their elderly parents, and they are aware that there's not going to be any inheritance in any inheritance when their families pass away because it's all going to go on social care fees. And so that, you know, and that's also another element where the inheritocracy really plays a role. And so the aim of the book was to really go, this is an undercurrent that is governing so much of our economy. Can we really have an honest conversation about what's going on here? Because it's not.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We have to within our friendship groups because there's such an absolute unfairness, you know, to what is essentially a lottery of birth. We have to talk to our parents about it because frankly they're not going to be around forever. And the earlier you get these things sorted, the better. And there's a whole chapter in the book, which is about inheritance and how it actually works and how it worked, not just for my family when my father passed away, but ultimately for some families, you know, blended families, we can't assume that there's a bank of mum and dad. Quite often there is blended families with stepchildren and, you know, divorce and remarriage, and that complicates it hugely. So talking about it with our parents is really critically important before it becomes mandatory, frankly. And we have to talk about it within society. And because it's absolutely governing economics. And one of the things that I wanted to stress in the book was that it's impacting housing, education decisions.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Got was we're infantilized by our parents and therefore we can't initiate those conversations. You know, they're still paying for Sunday pub lunches or they're still, you know, paying whatever university fees or even school fees, whatever. So the dynamic, the economic dynamic is really awkward. And I think we're bad at talking about it in friendship groups. We're bad at talking about it to our parents. And frankly, we're bad at talking about it within society and the political sphere as well.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There are some that have, and there are some that do not. And that's also what I wanted to tease out is that if you're over-educated, underpaid, but don't have the Bank of Mum and Dad, I think that's where the most frustrated members of society are. So I think that the social taboo element was something I deliberately wanted to kind of, a spot I wanted to pick, you know. It's particularly cute in friendships groups, but also, frankly, we're really bad at talking to our parents about it. The amount of interviewees that said to me, oh no, I can't mention money to my parents. And I'm like, well, why not? They've given you so much. Do you have a sense of your inheritance? And they're like, no, no, no, we can't talk about it. And I'm like, that's really interesting. My family are quite open about money. But the sense I...”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And yet we don't comparing up, we always compare up, I would say, and more than down. And what that does is quite often encourages us, we know, social media, to airbrush the details, right? You know, and airbrush out the difficult bits. And so saying, you know, this is my lovely house, look at my great kitchen. But by the way, my in-laws paid for it or my parents paid for it. It's just the details you don't want to give, right? And so it's even in this so-called authentic social media era we're living in, you're right, we're not giving those details. So I think it's also that as well, that comparison culture. So it's really difficult to talk about it within friendship groups because ultimately there are some, and this, I think, becomes a particularly acute in our 30s.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We are all in a race, right? And this is what, you know, capitalism thrives on. We're all in a race social media, comparing each other's lanes. Who's dropped out the race? Who's pulled in metaphorical ligament? Who's like, you know, doing really well and Fling”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's because you know, we all like to think we've worked really hard. And by the way, we have in a digital, you know, working environment, we're all exhausted, but it's also, we have this narrative that we've worked really hard. And again, we have because we've passed a lot of exams and, you know, life's a slog more than ever. But it's particularly men don't like talking about it. They don't like revealing openly how much they're reliant on their parental wealth. Quite often, just to stand still, let alone, you know, elevate themselves just to recreate what their parents gave them. They fight, you know, it's more of a challenge than ever. So I think it's that as well. I also think that we're really bad at talking it about it within our friendship groups. It's awkward. We live in a world where everything, you know, it feels like in this Uber comparison culture that we live in.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The people that didn't want to talk to me, the people I found most difficult to track down were affluent men. Affluent men, reliant on the bank of mum and dad, or even worse, rely on the in laws financially. So I think there's a specific thing that, and this kind of concurs in that we did some exclusive polling for the book as well, is that affluent men really don't like talking about it. And I think that's specifically, you know, again.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, and I think it's one of those, I mean, the British are really bad at talking about money, really uncomfortable talking about money. And I interviewed, deliberately interviewed people that were not British to kind of, and one of the things that a sense of, I think, the global story as much as anything. And this woman I interviewed, Alina, she was like, you know, this is just part of natural sort of Indian culture for families to support their kids. Like it's not even something, it's not a taboo we don't discuss. It's something that's natural and we openly talk about. And she was just like, you know, the British don't really talk about money. They find it very difficult to talk about. And I so think there's an element of awkwardness. I also think that we don't talk about it. It's a taboo because it puts a real dent in the myth of the self-made ideal, right? And one of the really interesting things I interview a lot of people in the book.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Keen to stress those, but in the large, one word that I would sum up our generation story as is frustration. Gen Z, interestingly, less so, and we can talk about that if you'd like.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Students who don't have the support of mum and dad, the whole university system is based on the premise that you get a debt and at the end of it, but your parents stump up the upfront costs most of the time in most circumstances. So your experience of education is now, I would say, largely determined by the wealth of your parents in a way that it frankly wasn't, even when I went. And, you know, I think it's just that I'm now in my 40s and I'm beginning to realize the extent to which, and this is something I wish I'd sort of someone had written this book 15 years ago is the compelling economic sort of background narrative that have shaped so much of our destiny. And there are examples in the book who of those who have confounded it and tales of meritocracy. But it was really...”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“in a way that it used to. Wages don't pay, but assets have increased exponentially in value. So the real, I think what's interesting is just at the time we were told to do this, actually another thing became absolutely pivotal, which is the bank of mom and dad. And at the time, you know, this is in the wake of the 2008 financial crisis, the market became more dysfunctional. The state retracted, and frankly, the family stepped up and the bank of mum and dad started to trickle down money to their kids more and more. And as the cost of education went up, and dare I stress, not just university, and we know it's not just the fees that are expensive when going to university, it's the rents, you know, rents have increased so much in big cities like London, Bristol, Oxford, you know, some of these universities are now no-go area, no-go areas for”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To, you know, the rewards at the end of the rainbow. And frankly, the truth is that Just as that became a pledge and thing that we were told to do, it actually over the next 20 years became a false promise. It's not, and I want to stress this, it's not that getting a degree isn't a good thing. It absolutely is, you know, and I taught in higher education, in higher education for a number of years. Education is a good thing. Of course it is, and it brings all sorts of benefits. One of them is economic stability. But it's not the promise we were told. Right. And I think if I could stress that, it's because we also entered an economy with an environment where wealth paid, wages didn't. Wages haven't bought us what they bought our parents. And, you know, the average price of property is now nine times our wages when our parents were buying. It was three times their wages. So work doesn't pass.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, so I went to university in 1999, which is frankly a frighteningly long time ago. But I was the first year of tuition fees, and it was £1,000. And it was the year that Tony Blair pledged to send fifty percent of students to university. And there was this whole, you know, government education, and frankly, family push to send as many to university. Getting your kid into university was a sign of good parenting, getting as many students into university from school was a sign of a good school, getting, you know, as many people to university was a sign of government, you know, good state intervention. So it became this meritocratic dream that you can achieve some sort of professional middle class stability and financial longevity and security through getting to university and that being this massive sort of fantastic pathway.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That this is going to be the story for the next 20 years because all of that baby boomer wealth in property is going to trickle down to some and not all. And so this is a privilege that's going to define the next 20 years.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Told and I was like, I really want to write about this because this is impacting our dating relationships and how particularly men and women are kind of coupling up or not and their economic dynamics. It's defining how and when we have children or not. It's defining what careers we take and what careers we embrace. It's defining our experience of tertiary education and frankly the level of debt we have as a result of tertiary education. It's defining of course the housing market and we know the extent to which home ownership now is a hereditary privilege, particularly in the southeast but not only in the southeast and one of the really interesting things about the book was how actually teasing out the regional differences across the UK. And so I was just like I need to write about this because I'm also very aware”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To find some sort of security in terms of a home. And frankly, my inheritance was released when my father passed away. And I count myself incredibly fortunate, of course, but also I was suddenly like, oh my goodness, this is the driver that's defined my life. The safety net of mum and dad in my 20s and 30s as I was building a career. And now the springboard into adulthood. Now that I've got, frankly, my shit together, right? A lot of my peers don't and haven't had that. And so while I thought I've worked really hard, I got a PhD. I'm an academic, you know, all of this. I was massively underpaid and financially dependent on my parents. And actually it was the bank of mum and dad, not all those exams I passed that really has defined my opportunity. And that went against everything, in my view, our generation was.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Was when my father died. My father died in 2018, and it was the year that I got married as well. And I'd just given birth. And, you know, it was a lot. Oh my goodness, it was a lot. And it was very apparent to me that as I was in my mid-30s, there was a real divide within my friendship group between those that had been able to catapult into adulthood when they wanted to, like, oh, okay, I've met someone, I want a child. Like here's a deposit for a house. Miraculously materialized from their parents. And those that were really struggling to build security just through wages alone and who didn't have the Bank of Mom and Dad. And for me, someone who met their parent partner quite late in life, you know, relatively speaking, I met my husband when I was 35, you know, I was thinking about children actually, you know, needing to happen quite quickly and then kind of needing.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Say, you know, lower middle class, there weren't many holidays, we didn't have central heating, but by the time I reached my twenties and was supposed to be economically independent from my parents, I couldn't afford to rent in the place I grown up, and my parents had amassed property wealth, though basically I lent on and was reliant on for my twenties and thirties because I couldn't afford to live in London I was a student, I was doing a PhD, and the only way I could live in London was basically crashing at my parents, you know, home, that what they weren't renting at the time. And I just, you know, used it. So I had this bank of mom and dad and I always thought it was, you know, my parents are very working class and essentially I had this safety net that many of my friends didn't have. So that was, I think, the first sort of like awareness of it. But the real like crystallizing of the power of it.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think, you know, it's a really good question because. I think I've always been aware of class. I'm someone that is state educated, struggle with money for a lot of my life, but was surrounded by much wealthier friends, to be frank, and who had wealthier parents. But my parents' story is really, I think, an interesting one that shows the dynamics and the changing forces of the Bank of Mum and Dad. I'm someone that grew up in Teeting, South London, not deemed a particularly nice area. I have to admit, when I was in my early sort of teens, but my parents who, you know, in 1980s bought two additional houses in the area and critically not just bought them when it was, you know, my parents bought a five-bedroom house for £28,000, they held on to them, right? So they held on to them. And so even though growing up, we were relatively, you know, I was.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So the inheritocracy is a society in which parental wealth plays an ever increasing role and part in defining opportunity. And so the basis of the book is the theory of why is it that we now live in a society where it's not what you earn anymore, it's not what you learn anymore, it's whether you have access to parental wealth i. e. the bank of mum and dad. And I really set out to explore how that economy that, as you say, very much prioritizes and rewards wealth rather than wage, and also how difficult it is now to really get a tertiary education, buy a house, or even frankly rent in big cities like London, raise children without that sort of safety net of mum and dad, and also ultimately the springboard of mom. And it was a dynamic that very much has played a role in my life and much of my friends' lives.”
2024-09-29 · Intelligence Squared · How the Bank of Mum and Dad Took Over the Economy, with Eliza Filby · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT