YouSaid · the spoken record

James Sexton

lines on the record: 294
first: 2023-09-18
most recent: 2023-09-18
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Know if we can radically view honestly, like without jealousy, without the sense of, like, look at it and just go, yeah, yeah, okay. This is the love this person needed. Like, that doesn't mean my love sucks. It just means it wasn't the right one for this person, you know. Like there's someone, there's a lid for every pot, you know? Like she found her lid. I want her to find her lid. That's good, you know?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And he's nothing like me, by the way. If you met him and you've met both of us, you'd go, well, no one could love both of these guys. Because if you like this flavor, you wouldn't like this flavor. Like, I am impatient, fast talking, like skip to the end. We got to land this plane. Come on. And he's like, he's a therapist, he's chill, he's patient, and they're perfect together. And I can say that as someone who loves her and loved her, you know, and knows her or knew her. And I think if we can.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, that was what appealed to me about it. I mean, before I started doing it, it was this idea that this is a opportunity. For radical reinvention. Like it was an opportunity for people to say, okay, now what? Like I didn't expect that. Now what? And it was to be part of the architecture of that. Like I didn't look at it like I'm helping demolish the building. It was like I'm tearing down the building so we can build the new one, which I hope is filled with joy and abundance and peace and love and real love, real satisfaction. My ex-wife, Is married for over a decade now to a phenomenal guy who is perfect for her.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Or even like MDMA, you know, like MDMA, which is an empathogen. If we brought that space and the divorce and conflict resolution space together, that sort of psychopharmacological intervention on empathy, one's empathy receptors or one's connectivity, I think that could be radically transforming. It would be logistically an absolute nightmare. It would never get done from a legal standpoint. But man, I think sometimes that if because I think the more that you can bring people to the awareness of connection that comes from many people's psychedelic experiences, I think they could then extrapolate that into their understanding of the conflict and disconnect they're having with their part.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And have them sort of do that in her work and then have them do some kind of a session together after they've had that experience, that psychedelic experience. I actually think you could do transformative divorce work because I have found myself and certainly the many people that I've talked to who've had Psilocybin experiences, and in particular, but any psychedelic experience, many of the empathogens, right?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Your kids are half that person. They would not be the organism they are without that person's DNA. So you can't regret being with that person if you love your kids. Like if you love your kids, those kids don't exist without that person. And I don't know how we refocus on that. I don't know. Maybe we give anyone going through a duel. I've actually had a theory. I've not said out loud, but I'll say it to you because it's just us talking. I think if we could figure out a way to take a divorcing couple. That is interested in potentially mediating. Put them in a setting. Where we could give them both psilocybin. A good dose, like two and a half, three grams. And have them do individual sessions with controlled setting with a guide.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And if you said to me, How do you raise kids? I wouldn't say, well, you definitely want to be an alcoholic because your kid's going to get a lot of really good discipline lessons from that experience. Like, no, I wouldn't want that. But it's born all these wonderful things were born of this awful situation. So I think divorce is the same thing. We make these mistakes, right? But they're not really, you know, I often have to say to my clients when they're like, oh, I wish I'd never married this person. I'm like, you love your kids, right?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Spoken about this before publicly, and he does frequently. My father is an alcoholic, my father's been in recovery now for seven years, I think. Yeah. But he was a bad alcoholic, Vietnam veteran my whole life, and only got sober, you know, when I was in my 40s. And a lot of the personality characteristics I have are consistent with those of adult children of alcoholics, desire for control and control issues, a lot of those things. And I love my life. Like I'm having a great time. If I died tomorrow, man, I did learn more, earned more, loved more than I ever dreamed. And so I'm so glad my dad was an alcoholic.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Man, what a danger if we didn't, you know? Like every, you know, you hear about people like Alexander Hamilton or you hear about people who like they were born of circumstances that like these two people should never have had a kid. And then they did. And that kid changes the world, you know? And like moves the dial forward. What a like, what a great mistake. Like what a great, you can't ever say it's a mistake. Like what an amazing thing that happened. And I think that that's one of the things I like about divorce as a practice and as almost looking at it like a spiritual practice, I think you just don't know what is a blessing, right, in the world. Like you just don't know. My father...”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I got job security. People are not going to stop walking down that aisle. They are not going to stop having kids with people that they probably should have thought through whether they would have kids with that person or not.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I mean, I guess so. It's calling us. I don't know if it's worth it or not. That's a value judgment, right? But we don't stop. I don't know a lot of people that they played the hand, they lost, and they went, well, no more of that game for me. I'm not a good poker player. I'm not playing poker anymore. I know people who've done that. I know people that are like, listen, I don't drink. Like, you know, I'm allergic. I break out in handcuffs and hospital bills. Like, I'm not drinking anymore. But I don't know people that are like, man, that relationship. I screwed that up or I got screwed on that one. I'm not doing that anymore. You can say that. Everybody says that. I'm through with love. You know, I'm done. They're not. They keep going. They'll go up again.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And even when we lose, and even when our greatest pains were caused by our desire to love and be loved in a romantic sense, we just keep putting the money on the table and playing. Like we won't just quit. We just keep going, you know?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But it is. It's like, and it's all the same. Insecurity, sadness, it's the same desire to be validated, like mommy issues, daddy issues, like intimacy issues. And it's all the same stuff. And just because you're really good at other things, like I've represented professional athletes who are phenomenal, world class doctors, business people, and they suck at relationships no better than like anybody else. Like there's no, you know, there's no connection between the skills that made you a good entrepreneur and the skills that made you a good spouse or partner. I'm sure there's some overlap, like patience is good and thinking strategically is probably good. But I'm just humbled by how we're called to it still.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“If all you're talking about is how you don't need women, you're talking about women an awful lot. So it's just such a splinter in people's mind, you know, relationships, breakups. And like it's such a great equalizer. I mean, you're spending some time in the rarefied air now of big celebrity people. And I remember when I started out as a lawyer just doing like the regular with a 401k and they didn't have any assets. I remember thinking like, well, someday if I represent celebrities or wealthy CEOs, like it'll be different. They'll be like smarter. They'll be like different. It's just the same. Weird petty shit, the same infidelity, the same.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“On some level. Like you want to be successful. Why? So you can have money. Why? So you can have nice things so that you can attract attractive members of the opposite sex, you know. Like a lot of things come down to that. And even for men, you know, like red-pilled, you know, men who are like, yeah, I don't care about women. Well, you talk about them an awful lot. For someone that's not interested in women, you sure, like, in the orbit of women who you're telling how much you don't care about women, which kind of feels like you're doing that to attract a certain kind of woman, which I get, you know, like more power to you. But a person who worships an idol and a person who destroys an idol are both idolaters. Yes. So you're...”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like it's kind of everything, right? Like love is romantic love, wars are fought for romantic love, empires fall because of romantic love. It takes down kings. It takes down like we're all just struggling for it. We're all just chasing it. Like we're all chasing the dragon. You know, it's like the rush we all are. So it's huge. It's huge. And love, which I like to believe are in some way connected, and love and romance, which again, I like to believe her in some way connected. I think it's huge. I think it's a. Look, I've always thought. Most of what men do, including me we do to get laid.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I just would say, hey, listen, congratulations, and please pass all my congratulations to Gordon. But we don't know each other. I don't have his number. I have no way to contact him, to apologize to him. But, you know, if Gordon hears this, I am profoundly sorry. And I don't say that because I'm trying to get in your good graces. I don't know that we'll ever meet each other. But that was an unbelievably wrong, stupid thing to say to a young person.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Really like that's gross, you know, and I never really thought much about it again. You know, I watched his star rise and I was very, I mean, Hook has not impressed by Gordon Ryan. Like, and everyone at our academy was always very, you know, like thrilled to see him rise. And, you know, I've stayed friends with John. And every time Gordon would have a big victory, I would always text John and be like, because, you know, Gordon's victories are John's victories too. You know, they have such a great bond. All the people in his orbit, like are all people that I respect and like.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Mother was dying, I was not at my best. I was having a hard time. And Gordon had spoken ill of this person, and I got upset and I reached out to John and to Tom DeBlasse. And I said to them, hey, can you tell this guy to knock it off? Don't talk about this person who I sponsor. If I'm sponsoring his fight. I don't even know this Gordon Ryan kid. And I'm sponsoring his fight. Like he should say thank you. Don't talk bad about a person who I financially sponsor. Like that's not cool. And I think on Facebook, he wrote some comments, and then I wrote some comments back, and I was incredibly obnoxious. And very soon after I felt really gross because I was an adult and I was talking to a young person this way who's on their way up, who's like a little older than one of my kids. And I just said these obnoxious things to him. And I felt.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Gordon at the time, he was online, and I'm much older than that, you know, I'm in my early 50s, and that's not, I guess, chronologically that much older, but generationally, I think it's quite a bit different. And Gordon was smack talking with a guy who about a guy who I was sponsor of, who I knew and who I knew was a very good athlete and had been through difficult things in his life. And Gordon just, you know, said some nasty things about him, you know, it falls into the category of totally appropriate smack talking looking at it now and looking at what Gordon became, you know, which is he's someone who talks trash. It's like part of his brand is to talk trash. And I see now that that's like a Muhammad Ali thing. But at the time, I just didn't see it as what it was. And although it doesn't excuse it.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Part of the Donahur death squad. I was friends with Eddie Cummings. I'm still friends with Eddie. I was friends with John. I'm still friends with John. But I didn't really know Gordon. I actually don't know that I've still ever met. I don't think I've ever met Gordon. I've been in the same roomism. But there was a fight that I had sponsored some other fights with this particular promoter. And they asked me to sponsor one, and it didn't involve anyone from Marcelo's, but it involved Gordon. He was one of the people. And I liked John very much, and I liked everybody in the Donna Heard death squad. I like watching them compete. And I thought, you know, I think John's just brilliant. I mean, everyone at Marcello's has such respect for John and for everyone. The stuff they were doing, like when they were in the early days of that Donna Her death squad, like the Eddie Cummings, like his leglocks, like he just blew the whole game up. It just was a whole nother thing, you know. It was like insane what such innovation.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Where he was just a young guy on his way up. He's only, I think, a couple years older than my oldest son. And I through a series of circumstances, jujitsu wasn't, you know, it's really exploded in the last 10 years, but there were not as many people sponsoring quote-unquote superfights. There really weren't like jujitsu superfights being sponsored. Jersey and New York in particular. And I got involved in sponsoring some jujitsu superfights. And I also got involved in sponsoring some jujitsu athletes. And Gordon was a young...”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, I'm actually glad I have funny that you bring it up. And of all the, you know, we're talking about all these heavy topics, and this is probably the one that I find most. Most actually emotional Gordon's, I think, a very young man still. He's like Brian's 20s or early 30s. And it's hard to imagine that because he's accomplished so much as an athlete and as a business person. But there was a time, you know, not that long ago. I think it was eight or nine years ago.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I love Jujitsu. I love the progressive humility that it drives home constantly. I love the impossibility of perfecting it, although Gordon Ryan's probably come close and Marcelo's probably come close to perfecting it.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I moved to West Chelsea because it was a short walk to Marcela's Academy. My core jiu-jitsu was up to Purple Belt. It was Lu Vintolaro. And then it's been Marcelo. And Marcelo, Paul Shriner, who's really, you know, phenomenal at his academy. And all of all the people at his academy, I mean, are all phenomenal. I mean, Bernardo Faejo was there for a period of time that I was there. And before he went to Boston, Marcos Tanoko was like his lasso guard stuff. He was at Marcello's for a long time and what a teacher. I mean, my lack of skill at jiu-jitsu is not based on a lack of quality instruction. It's based on an inability to retain the information for very long.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I stayed for a jiu-jitsu class and I had 120 pound girl ragdoll me like because I just knew nothing about grappling and I remember just going well I got to learn what this is and that was it I just dove into it my first professor was Luvintolaro in New Jersey is a Heuler Gracie black belt great teacher taught me amazing fundamentals took me all the way up to purple belt And then right after I got my purple belt, I moved to the city. I moved to Manhattan. I actually chose my apartment based on its proximity to Marcela Garcia.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I love Jiu Jitsu. I trained martial arts from the time I was a little kid, I think I was seven or eight. I took up Okinawan Goju karate and I did judo. And it was always part of my life. And then I got to college and grad school and I didn't have time for it and I didn't do it so much. And then I got divorced. I was quite young still when I got divorced and I had two young kids. And I thought, well, I can grow a goatee and buy a convertible and do like the thing you're supposed to do and you're dude with kids close to middle age. Or I can try to do something more productive. And so I said, well, maybe I'll go back to martial arts. So I took up Muay Thai kickboxing and they had a jiu-jitsu class at the same school after the Muay Thai class. And I had been around the orbit of Jiu-Jitsu, having been my kids took karate and there was Jiu-Jitsu there. It was a Gracie Academy.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I got to get out of here. Because you could, with every one of these cases. Could stay up 24 hours focusing just on it. So you have to have the discipline to go. Yeah, no, that's it. Like I'm done for now. I've done what I could do today. And now I'm going to sit and read for half an hour. I'm going to watch this show for half an hour. I'm going to have this meal because it's never done, you know? So that's challenging. That's a hard part of this job. But I think my discipline helps with that. And then like I said, I finished my day around 5, 36 o'clock. And I have something to eat, and I try to wind down a little, and I'm usually in bed by 7.30 and asleep by 8.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Just talking about the career in the law that he was about to embark on. And I said to him, You know the feeling at the end of the day. Like all your homework or all your work is done, and you just go, okay, it's all done now, and I'm gonna go home. You'll never have that feeling ever again. You're just gonna every day go, all right, it's enough, it's enough, I gotta.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And to answer all of this in some preliminary way, to delegate some responsibilities. And then I got to go back in and put 100% of my focus on this other case again. So you find yourself in a play. That's why I'm very disciplined is you find yourself in a place where I live my whole life in six minute increments, tenths of an hour, because we bill in tenths of an hour. So everything I do, it's like 0.2, 0.4, 0.6. And I'm logging time throughout the day And you find yourself at the end of the day. My son is a lawyer, my older son. He's a district attorney. And I'm very proud of him. He gets to put bad guys in jail and he's very smart. He's doing a great job. Just about a year And when he graduated from law school, we were very close and we were talking, and he said.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Conferences is harder because at least with a trial, there's a singularity of focus, like with a trial, it's just one case and they have all my attention. The problem is then on the lunch break, all the other cases that I've been ignoring for the last several hours while I was on trial, they all have stuff going on. So it's like, hey, where's that settlement proposal on this? Hey, she just did this. We need to file a motion. So now it's like, okay, I have an hour.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Exhausting when you're done with it, like while you're doing it, it's exhilarating. I always say that I never sleep as poorly as the night before a trial and I never sleep as well as the night I've finished a trial because when I am on trial, I am speaking, listening, watching the judge closely to see what they're reacting to and when they're paying attention or not paying attention, watching opposing counsel and the opposing party, like when is the opposing party writing a little note to their lawyer to show it to them? What is the opposing counsel objecting to? My client is trying to pass me notes half the time while I'm speaking and making my arguments. I'm trying to adjust what I'm doing strategically based on the objections that the judge is ruling on. So I'm so hyper stimulated on trial that when you finish, you can't even talk. You're gone. Your brain is just...”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Writing prenups, writing separation agreements, writing settlement proposals, writing motions for the court, pre-trial memos, which is like research that I want to present to a judge that supports my arguments. I do drafting. I review documents that the attorneys who work for me have drafted and refined them. And then court is usually from 9 o'clock until noon. And if we're on trial, then it's a whole different pace because trials, the lunch break isn't really a lunch break. You're preparing the afternoon's witnesses and you're trying to do damage control on what happened in the morning. But if it's just court conferences, like most cases, there's conferences. Conferences is you go in, you make oral argument, but you don't have witnesses on the stand. You're not taking testimony. It's like everybody's just shouting allegations back and forth and making temporary arguments pre-trial. It's kind of the foreplay of the trial, right?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Slow carb Tim Ferris type style. And then I get right to work. I try to do my drafting early in the day, prenups, motions, things like that from, you know, let's say six or seven until nine, nine thirty, which is when court begins.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“True, but then you can't back it up. See, I'm very evidence based. So if I don't have a photo or video of it, it's just puffing. Mere puffery at that point. But I work out. And then I try to work out for like a good hour. And I do that partly because of stress. I think when I don't work out, it's difficult. I had a group of guys that I would do jujitsu with at 5 a.m. They were mostly law enforcement. They were cops who would either be starting a shift or coming off of a night shift. And we would train together, just do like an open mat. And it was at 5 a.m. till 6. And that was heaven. I love training jujitsu first thing in the morning if I can. And then I always do either a sauna or steam for 20 minutes, half an hour, and then I do a cold plunge. Or if I don't have access to a cold plunge, a cold shower. And then I have breakfast. And it's usually a very uncontroversial, simple breakfast. I like to eat, you know, I eat.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To be much more intensive weight training and deadlifts and stuff like that. And then I herniated my L5S1. So 485 was my max deadlift, and now I don't hardly do deadlifts.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Work related emergencies. It is a divorce lawyer. Our definition of emergency can be very serious. It's people absconding with a child, it's a police being involved in a domestic violence incident. It can be like time sensitive things. And when someone is hiring a divorce lawyer, I think they're hiring, they want someone responsive. My clients have my cell phone number. And I go to better early because I get up early. And so I go to sleep by 8 p.m. latest. I don't think I've seen 9 p.m. even on New Year's Eve. So I wake up at 4, I check my phone, check my email. Usually even if there's something that's time sensitive, it's usually not so time sensitive that it needs to be responded to it for a.m. because most other normal people are asleep. I have espresso, black espresso, which I enjoy very much. And then I work out. And that someday is going to be weights. A lot of days it's just going to be cardio. I've changed my habits now that I'm in my early 50s.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I wake up at 4 a.m. very naturally. I wish I didn't, but I do check my phone first thing because I want to see if any emergencies came in from a client overnight”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I was up it. I get up at four every day. You woke up four years Well, I woke, it's three o'clock local time. So I woke up at three local time I wake up at four naturally, then my body just wakes”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Tremendously, yeah. And those are. Those are very tricky because the standard of living of a couple becomes important in a divorce, but sometimes the toxic standard of living that created toxic levels of stress is one of the causes of the divorce. And so they're asking the court to maintain a financial obligation on you that is the reason why the marriage fell apart. And that feels like a particularly insulting form of indignity.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You know, not only are individual psychology, but also how you were raised and, you know, how your family taught you about finance and how you should conduct your finances.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because it's about value, I think. I mean, it's aside from. Having painful conversations about what you tried to do and were able to do or what your impulse control was in terms of what you spent money on. Like there's, you know, there's the conversation and then there's what's underneath the conversation. You know, there's gender stuff about men feeling the need to be a provider. There's gender stuff of men or women thinking material goods will fill the void and buying things and then creating stress on their partner. There's the very human desire to make things seem effortless so your spouse doesn't feel any stress when in fact it's causing tremendous financial stress. And then when the dam breaks, it breaks hard. So yeah, there's a lot. Finance is tricky stuff and you could probably be wonderful, romantic, and sexual partners and have very different styles of how you handle your finances and how you handle your finances is informed by”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I don't know that Shakespeare would have brought anal up in that context, but I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah. Proceed carefully and have discussion in advance and don't just spring it on someone and realize that if this goes wrong, it will go catastrophically wrong. So good communication is important. And, you know, yeah, I don't think it's something you should just dive into unless you're prepared for that to have potentially very negative impact.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like people want measurable, specific things. So that's why I tried in my book to be very specific about things you can do, things you shouldn't do, you know. And they're practical suggestions like leaving a note. I talk a lot about leaving a note. Like if you're dating someone or you're living with them or you're in a serious relationship, send a text, leave a note, just every day, just some little thing that just tells them how much you like them. Like this is a low cost, high value move. Doesn't take much, and it's a practical thing. But we speak in these sort of like broader axioms, these broader concepts, that people just don't have any idea how to practically apply.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's not a specific enough instruction. I mean, that's the problem. See, when you write a relationship book, which I never intended to do, People come to you and say, you know, what are the things I should do to help my relationship or what is the cause of divorce? And you go, well, disconnection. But what do you mean by that? Or do I improve my relationship? Pay more attention. Make small gestures. Okay, what does that even mean? Like, what do you mean? Like acts of love. You should show your partner that you love them more often. What do you mean? What I say, what I do, we should have more sex? Like, what are you at? What are you saying?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That blue dress you have really complements your body, like, in a way, that one doesn't. You know, the cut of that dress is such that it doesn't flatter you. I see what you're saying. Now Now it's the dress. It's not you, babe. You know, but I'm telling you the truth, like I'm addressing your concern. Like, this is what this is the distinction. Like, don't material misrepresent the facts. Like, don't steer people down roads that you know that that's not how it's going to go, right? But it's like if the woman says, I love you and you don't love her, don't say I love you back, you know, you do the like, oh, you know, I have very strong feelings for you as well. Or, you know, like there has to be some middle ground. You don't just pretend you didn't hear them.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Being honest is good, being totally candid is probably not a great idea. Like it's indelicate to be totally candid about things. A woman, you're a Norman relationship with says to you, Do I look good in this dress? And they don't. Or do I look fat in this? That's a better one. Any heterosexual man who's ever been in a relationship has had that question asked of him. Do I look fat in this? Does this make my butt look big? Whatever. Do I look fat in this? If you go, yes, that's indelicate. It's honest, but it's indelicate and it's almost mean, right? But if you say no, but it's true. She doesn't look good in that. Like the concern she sees is a legitimate concern. You lie and go, No, no, you look great. It's great. That's not a good thing either. So, what do you say? You know”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, in the law Is illegal to commit fraud. Fraud is a material misrepresentation of fact. But the law specifically says you are permitted to engage in, quote, mere puffery. And that's the term that was used for it. Puffery. And puffery is when you are inflating something. You're being like hyperbolic. Wouldn't necessarily think you're telling the truth, you know, like that it's not, you know, like if I say to you this bottle of water was held by Elvis and that's why you should pay me $50 worth, that's fraud. But if I say this is the water that is drank by the finest people. Presidents drink this water. Now, this is puffery. And so advertising marketing is based on puffery. It's not fraud. When it's fraud, it crosses the line. So I think there's a difference between honesty and candor. So in relationships,”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Would put Tom Waits. Cormac McCarthy, Maynard James Keenan. Like these are artists that I think they want the art to speak for itself. They would like to be lessened. They don't want you to. I remember early, early days of tool. That he could not have been less interested in the spotlight to the point where I think it was almost to the detriment of the band early on. And there's no surprise that those are three artists that I think are unbelievable and in a category of their own and that you hear their performance. You can give me a page of a Cormac McCarthy novel and I'll know it's a Cormic McCarthy novel. You can a few notes of Maynard James Keenan or Tom Wait's voice, you know that that's them.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like he's the musical equivalent of Cormac McCarthy. Even if you get the interview, you're not, I don't think, going to get in there.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source