YouSaid · the spoken record

Jefferson Fisher

lines on the record: 39
first: 2025-06-15
most recent: 2025-06-15
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“You show the recovery. That's when you can say things like, I could have said that better. I could have said that better. I could have done better. You know, I didn't. Dad didn't say that very nice, did he? Yeah, I should have said that differently. That wasn't very kind, was it? Need to hear that Spouse needs to hear that. People in work need to hear that. Whenever they can hear that kind of recovery in your voice. Regulating your emotions and getting quicker at that, that's the key to winning. You can only do that if you slow down and you say it with control. You say it with confidence and you say it to connect.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Of course. Yeah. Everybody does. I mean, it's natural. It's natural. Now, I'll tell you, I don't yell very much. Probably very, very, very, very, very, very little. Because I was taught it's much scarier when you don't. Have you ever been somebody who's older than you and you wish they would yell? Please just yell at me because you feel like they're disappointed and instead they're just using their voice. show disappointment without raising it. That almost makes it worse. But that also shows a lot of confidence. So do I get mad? Of course I get mad. Do I get overwhelmed? Absolutely. Do I have overreactions? For sure. But what I'll tell you is I'm very quick to recognize them. You're going to make mistakes. I make mistakes. We're human. The key is where you start to win if we want to bring it back to winning. You apologize quickly.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They really don't like that one. The reason why is because you're saying, I'm not going to talk about it now. You're choosing your time frame, your timetable. See, people who are lying, they're ready. They have this stage set. They have the table set for you to buy into their lie. And when you go, actually, I'm not that hungry right now. And you'll talk about it. I like to come back to this conversation or I need to think about this. They're going to go, whoa, they can't control that. They can't control the later. And so that'll drive them crazy. That's how I would suggest you handle a liar. That's a great question. Thank you.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's what they're going to ask. They're going to ask, what are your thoughts? What do you think? I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. Something feels off. Gonna bother them a lot. People tell the truth, they're gonna go, Well, okay, you know, let me know when it fills on to you because I've told you the truth. People who are lying, they will absolutely start to lose it. And what you're going to see, and a good indicator, is a very big overreaction. You're going to see a big discrepancy. Conversation might go at a two, and all of a sudden they realize you're not taking the bait, and they jump it up to an 11. That's very telling, so don't forget that. Another phrase, three, that I would also try is I need to come back to this conversation.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“they feel exposed. They would much rather create an argument and you start yelling. Why? Because when there's more smoke, there's fire. As then almost the anger you get and the more you yell about it, the more it almost makes the existence of what they said there. Makes it almost more real. Or else, why would you be arguing about it? So use silence. So even if you did seven seconds of quiet, make it really awkward. I can tell you they're going to start twisting in their chair. They're going to start going, why would I say something like that? I mean, what would you, you don't think I did that, do you? They start having conversations for you when that happens. Two, here's some phrases that I think you might like. One I like is something feels off. Something feels”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, great question. How do you handle liars? Tell you what, as an attorney, you run into a lot of lies. A lot of them are attorneys. Let me tell you that. Wonderful question So, lying comes from all, we do it as kids. We do it as kids. Everybody does it. Now, how do you deal with it when it gets more serious? I'm going to tell you from my point of view as an attorney, techniques that I've seen and learned. Again, it's the power of the pause. So when you're dealing with the liar, number one, you silence to your advantage. Because people who tell the truth, they're not bothered by silence. The truth speaks. Li”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We said a minute ago is begin with the end of why you're saying it was put it even in terms of a frame. I'm going to tell you something and I want to talk about it and I'm not asking you to solve anything. I'm not asking you to do anything with it and I still love you. I just want to feel like we understand each other on it. You say how if you can just quickly put a nice film on the beginning of that, it's going to ease a lot of that anxiety through the conversation and that would be my recommendation there.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Text is very, it can create a lot of anxiety, especially if you don't respond right away because they will think, and I'm I know I'm painting with a broad brush here, but I have several friends that I've talked to extensively about this subject and that I can text them something and they might read it in negative and they think, oh my gosh Jefferson hates me, I'm in a bad place and all of a sudden they feel like they're losing the relationship or people that are actually in a relationship and they receive a text the wrong way and they think that they're doing something wrong, they feel like they're being abandoned and it starts to spiral. A phone call can really cure a lot of that those things when you are being very precise be very precise with the bullet points. The big vague concepts are very hard. It's hard for anybody to chase and to follow to make sure that you understand their point. So I would take”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Anytime you can show it to them, it's very hard to tell things sometimes. You have to show them sometimes. So it's better if you can write it out. It's also better for bullet points. Also, in communication, call them.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Sometimes you got to. Tell them you're interrupting This is what I mean. Say, I know I'm interrupting you, or I need to interrupt. Whenever you say that, people don't take it nearly, almost, they don't take it offensively at all as long as they know, you know, you're interrupting. But if you just start talking, they're like, and they're going to get all frustrated. But if you say, I need to interrupt you, they're not going to handle it like that. Isn't that funny?”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But you have to be very disciplined and preventing the thought. It's like you have to hold yourself back for a second. Just in your mind, imagine there's a little person holding your thoughts back so you can actually listen to what the other person is saying. So get in a discipline of almost creating a vacuum to where you are just, you're like this empty water glass. You can actually absorb the information before you respond. That's how I would handle that. A lot of the silence. And then two, asking a question. It's very hard to interrupt if at the end of their statement you ask a question that gets them to talk more. So if you're going to interrupt, if you are, ask a question. Two, how do you interrupt someone? How do you interrupt someone the right way and the wrong way to interrupt someone? Because sometimes you got to.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“How do you learn at the interrupt? Let's do it two ways. You want to do a two for one? Let's do that. How do you prevent yourself from interrupting? That's very difficult because let's admit some people are neurodivergent. They can't help it. That's what it is. That community needs to be considered. That's a real thing. Second of all is there are people that you get in the habit of needing to get out your thought without actually listening. Instead, what I want you to this is going to take a lot of work”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I would give to anybody who's a talking hit, the shows that are set up for the conflict. Now, it's commercialized. They know that it is. It's fake. It's so fake. But at the same time, I think we have a duty, a responsibility to model for people everywhere of how to handle conversation. How do you handle it? I mean, think about it as when you were growing up, were you modeled? How to argue? Were you modeled for how to have a difficult conversation? Did you learn that in school? Did you pick it up from your parents? Everybody has a different way of how we were brought up. And it's not until now that we're in the moment of having to actually have big things in our life where we actually think about it. But I would give it, I have a few names in my head, but I definitely...”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, oh yeah I would give mine probably to every single nightly news talking head as probably anybody that I see if they're just any major, I don't know what y'all watch here, is it BB? Is that what it”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Heats up in FX's the sharp In 80s Los Angeles, the shards follows a group of beautiful, privileged prep school students who are preyed on by the trawler, a serial killer targeting teenagers across the city. This fever dream of youth, beauty, sex, and mystery is a must-see. FX is the shards, streaming August 5th on Hulu on Disney+. Sign up now at Disneyplus.com.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Saying down here, you can put it even on the table. What that means is what typically give me a minute, right? That's the signal that you're giving. You don't want to do this. That's not... That's very different, or not that either. So, if you're at a table, even if you point out a finger, That means you're still engaged. You're still there versus this. They don't know if you're just staring off in the space. But if you're looking and you just go like this. They're going to know right in that moment you're taking a minute. That's how to do that.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Got it. We're gonna make this super easy. I want you to do one or two things. Say something verbal, and something as simple as I'm going to think about this I need to think So you're going to start that right there and be comfortable with that silence. I'm going to think, or I need to think, it's very confident when you tell somebody what you're going to do, and you do it. So when you say, I'm going to think about this. And give it that time They're going to, even if they try and step in on that, they will respect it that you're actually trying to think about it. Second of all, I want to do a nonverbal is often if you just put up, I'm not saying in their face.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, so I want to make sure I understand her question. If you're taking a big pause and you feel like somebody might take that as you checking out or they're going to fill that space for you.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What you're telling them is you hold them to a higher standard in your mind. And people don't like to feel like they're not meeting that standard. So if somebody says something that is mean, instead of saying something mean back, what I want you to say is that's disappointing. Cool? Oh my gosh, y'all.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hey What a great question, Jet Fisher and Ruby Fisher. I see y'all. If somebody says something, if there's somebody's being a bully, right, and they're saying something that's upsetting you, instead of feeling like it makes you feel less understand that when they're saying that, it's because they're typically not getting attention from somewhere else. They're wanting to take it out on you. So if you want to come with a phrase that's going to help you anytime somebody says something mean, what I want you to say is that's disappointing That's disappointing. And the reason why is because they can't do anything with it.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, to answer your question, what's going to help prevent a lot of the negative? You say begin with I need Question is How often do you actually state your needs in conversation? How often do you begin a sentence with I need? I need to feel safe. I need to feel heard. I need to know this, I need to walk away with this. That's going to be a whole lot better for you. So try that.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Easy as can be. It's going to be extremely clear. Maybe it's even negative in the workplace. I like to talk with you about some comments you made last week, and I want to end the conversation with us knowing that that can't happen again. All right. Something as simple as that. You're telling them what you want to talk about. You're giving them takeaway, and then you get that frame. Three, if you really want to stop the defensiveness of a negative conversation, tell people how they can help you. There's something in the UK that I've noticed. About communication, a little different style. Little different style. There's a lot of, we can talk about it, there's a lot of them sorries, a lot of, if you don't mind, a lot of... Things that are a little bit more passive.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“With you knowing how it made me feel. Can we do that? You've made it very clear You want to talk about when is the conversation going to be done? What's the finish line that you're both traveling towards and gaining their buy-in into that frame? When you make it that clear, they will almost always say yes in a work context. You could say, hey, I'd like to talk with you about the budget meeting for tomorrow. And I just want to walk away with us being on the same page. Can we do that?”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You can preempt negative conversation when you begin with the end, meaning you tell them at the outset what the point is. What the point is. A quick way that those of you know who know my content, I use a frame. I use a frame. And this is how you quickly do it. One, you tell them what you want to talk about. Two, you tell them how you want to end the conversation. Three, you get their buy-in into the frame. So the purpose of this is that it cuts out the negative conversation. It's not that there's not connection. You can have a difficult conversation and a hard conversation, deliver bad news, and still connect with them. Connection does not mean it's just all happy. You can have the negative conversation. This is how you prevent the difficult, bad stuff. So, for example, if I'm using a frame and we need to have a hard conversation, I'm going to say something as simple as this is going to be a difficult conversation. I'm going to label it. I'm going to say, I like to talk with you about what you said at dinner last night. And I want to walk away with that conversation.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“show the end result. Often we get into this idea where we want to tell them a story. We want to lead with the beginning of the journey, but we hide the end. For the very end of the conversation. Have you ever been in conversation with somebody and they bring up a topic and they go, so I have something to say. And anyway, it's a long story, but you can tell me if I'm wrong about this. So essentially, and again, no, no, no, sorry, I need to go back. So there's this guy, and actually, no, that's not true. And you're going, what is happening here? Why are you telling me this? Get to the point, please.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Did you hear she asked that? What are the ingredients? I love that. I need to start using that. That was great. Can we make a video real quick, Rhoda? The question was What are the ingredients for preempting bad conversation One would be don't begin the question with why. Why sounds very accusatory? If you, let's say you made something at home, whatever it is, and I walk up and I go, why'd you do like that? Does that feel good or feel bad? You're not going to like it. You're going to bristle. You're going to say, why? Because I wanted to. That's why. Why? Because this is what I did. Anytime you begin a question with why, it brings and raises that level of that defensiveness that I don't like that I don't like. Two, if you want to preempt negative conversation, begin with phrases that are going to”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You talk to somebody, a new stranger for the first time, you talk to them once, their opinion didn't match mine. I'm It's very easy to do that. What I'm asking, when I'm challenging, is that you do the hard thing. Have better conversations, and in turn, you're going to have a much better life.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You say nice things? Congrats. You're a nice person People who say funny things, they're a funny person. Somebody who says something rude, they're a rude person. It's all of what comes out of your mouth. It's simple as that. So if you want a better life, you have to choose words that get you there. I find it so crazy that people are totally okay with the idea of If they're going through failures, They know that that's going to ultimately lead to success. I think we all agree on that. You've seen plenty of success stories with that. But they don't see it like that in communication. We expect one conversation, if I don't like the person, they're gone. Argue with me, we're gone. And we think that we can solve everything we have in life with just one conversation.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And there is, and that need is for people to learn how to communicate, to be able to talk more and argue less. And the truth is, I'm not the only person who talks about this. You can all talk about this. You've seen the videos. You can do it. I believe, Jenny, I really do, that a better world begins with a better conversation. Like, you don't need a new workout routine. You don't need a new company slogan. You need a new conversation. That's what you need. You don't like where your relationship is. You need another conversation. You don't like where your business is. You don't like how your family is. If there is something you don't like in your life, Stop looking for the external things to satisfy it. You have the power. What you say is who you are You can't be a kind person if you don't say kind things”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I was surprised at. How much the contents resonated. Y'all know I make this in my car, right? And you know, this is my first time I've been out of the States. And I make these videos in my car. And you know how wild it is that you're here? I make these videos in my car. I can't express If it sounds weird, I promise you it feels weird. And I go, what are all y'all doing here? When I'm by myself making these things. My outlook has changed of that. There is a need in the world.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“People are going to take it, they might see it as rude if you don't respond right away. But if you were to text to say, I need a moment, I need to process this, I need to take a step back, give me some time to think about this. As long as you're letting them know you're not ignoring them, that's much healthier conversation.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Take the value, they're there for a purpose. It doesn't matter if they're positive or negative. It is a purpose to teach you something. Have something to learn, not something to prove. And you realize that every conversation is still teaching you something, either about that person or about you. So yes, there's certainly a time when you ghost, and that is when that person, you know, is not somebody you need to be around. And they're so toxic. You know people in your life that are just toxic. It doesn't matter what you say, they're going to twist it. People that show narcissistic behaviors. Doesn't matter what you say. They're going to twist it around. It is much better to not respond to anything. Or when you know that you need the time for yourself.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Already have the person in your head And there are some people who are not meant to go where you're going. spaceship has thrusters for a reason. They can't take them, they drop. There are layers just because somebody shows up on one page of your book does not mean they're going to be in the end credit scene.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, the absence of One thing It's not the absence of communication. If I don't respond in five minutes, Your text, that's one thing. If I don't respond in five days A different message Imagine me taking a little bit of a pause if you say something important to me. Maybe you texted, I really like you a lot. And I just didn't respond. That's a message right there. I've said nothing, but it's still a message. How do you deal with people who are ghosting you, or should you ghost people? Is there ever a time in you can? Yes, there is, and that's when there are people that are in your life that you need to put the fence around. There are boundaries in your life for a reason. Let me tell you, there are some people right now who are not meant to be in your life. Can you know it because they're coming to your mind right now?”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Nobody wants to answer those questions. Why? You're talking to their intent. Recognize you have not responded. I have not responded to the disrespect yet. All I've done is silence, and instead I'm asking questions. I'm not responding. I'm using questions to talk about why they said it in the first place. And the whole point of it is you're not giving them anything else to go on. They can't do anything with it. They can't continue to grow. You see how much control that takes? instead of festering it and feeding it and getting into this argument and now you're having to win and now you're trying to yell and now you're trying to assert dominance only to lose When you stay grounded, use questions of intent, I promise you, I promise you, it's not going to happen again.”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Most reason people won't. Why? Because they're too exposed. They have a big spotlight on them. Now it's not fun for them. Now they feel bad that they even said anything at all. Now they're wishing they said nothing. I promise when you've exposed them in that sense. Three, I want you to use questions of intent. These are very applicable to many different situations when we talked about not taking things personally, but they're wonderful in using things when somebody's belittling you, disrespecting you. And it sounds like this. Did you mean? Did you mean for that to hurt me? Did you mean to embarrass me? Did you mean to offend me? Did you mean for that to sound disrespectful? Or even, how did you want me to feel when you say that? Or better, how do you feel when you say that?”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I look at it and I look at you as if, is that really what you want to say? You sure? You don't want to pick that up? Because a lot of people do. A lot of people say, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I went too far. You don't have to say a thing. Five to seven seconds. Again, why? Because it's giving you the control. You're slowing things down. You're the one who's staying grounded. You're not feeding and festering. They're not getting that sense of dopamine from you. So when you give them that silence, number two, what I want you to do is make them say it again. Make them repeated. You're going to say something like after this silence, you're going to say, I need you to repeat that. So let's say you just said that mean thing, and I just gave you that silence, and I said, I need you to say that again Most people won't”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What I want you to do, if you've watched the video, you know that's all I do is one, two, three. Number one, what I want you to do is use silence. Somebody's disrespecting you. Truly disrespecting you and they want it to disrespect you, use about five to seven seconds of silence. So I want you to imagine right now you saying something mean to me. Think of something mean. Instead of responding, I just did this. Now I'm imagining it, you throwing it out, and it's just falling on the floor. And in that silence, it's going to get a little awkward”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, I like that. You want to talk about that kind of stuff for a second? Like, yeah. Let's get to the mean stuff, Jefferson. Come on, come on. Get to the mean stuff. So let's turn it a little bit. How do you deal with somebody who's belittling you and somebody who's disrespecting you? What I don't want you to do Say nuhu. What I don't want you to say is Back in Texas, I might be. Listen here, buddy, I gotta remind you who you're talking to. That kind of stuff is trying to win. We want to unravel it. We want to make it feel like they have zero control, which they don't. So the more you yell, the more you feed it, the more control you give up So that's the basis. So, how do you handle it? Num”
2025-06-15 · Intelligence Squared · The Power of Good Conversation, with Jefferson Fisher (Part Two) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT