YouSaid · the spoken record

Jillian Turecki

lines on the record: 44
first: 2025-04-15
most recent: 2025-04-15
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Absolutely. And I always say that relationships rarely end because of a lack of love. They more commonly end because people don't feel connected to each other. And they'll say, I love this person. It's not about love, but I don't feel the connection, i.e. I don't feel seen, I don't feel understood, I don't feel heard. And yeah, connection. And when you're in a relationship, our priority has to be how can I, in the small little ways every day, how can I create a bridge to this person?”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It is the greatest lesson. It is the greatest lesson. And I think one of the most profound lessons I learned from heartbreak is just because someone's part in your story has ended, it does not mean your story has ended. You have a whole other story to continue in your life. And one of the hardest lessons that we will ever face as human beings is learning to accept when someone's part in our story is over. We don't like to let go. We like to hold on. And nothing lasts. So even if you are in a relationship for decades, you're going to have to mourn, grieve people that they used to be because we are always evolving and changing.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know what comes to my mind is probably the first one because it's a title of the book, which it begins with you. Because people immediately think, well, then it's my fault. And people usually straddle that line between blaming others or hyper blaming themselves. And so taking responsibility can either turn a perfectionist, you know, can take them down a wormhole or the person who's blaming someone else. they don't want to take responsibility. It begins with you. It just means that you are the change that you wish to see in your love life.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It doesn't have to be overnight. It can be five hours. It can be five hours where you go. And you get away and you have a night or an evening where it's just the two of you and you don't, you don't just feel like mom and dad. This will work wonders.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm in New York Great. Yeah, Jillian saved our marriage in so many ways. We were, when we started working with Jill, it was very much either we go for divorce or we try to fix this. We were that dire. It was kind of hit ahead in that sense. And so when we started working with Jill, she did so much work on us really becoming a team. But I think for me personally, one of the biggest things we worked on was taking responsibility for my part in our issues instead of just putting a lot of the blame on Mike and really working on ourselves separately to then come back together and work on our marriage together. And I think that was something that I never really thought about. I just thought we just need to fix this. He needs to fix these things versus we need to work on ourselves separately too.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Whose cousin's kid, you know, whatever, or whose cousin is just recently divorced, or you just never know what's going to happen. And I often say like, if you're not going to do the apps, totally fine, expand your circle. Start talking to people. Put yourself, get yourself off the couch because it's not going to happen on your couch. And get yourself out there. And even if you go with just one friend and you sit at the bar and start talking to people and start making connections. Because then you never know. And that's a very organic way for it to happen, but it's also you being proactive. And you say, I'm going to put myself out there more without it having to be this, you know, swiping and going on a date and having that sort of that tension and that rigidity around it. And so that's how I would start.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Okay, do you have a favorite restaurant that you like to go to in the neighborhood? So take yourself to dinner or for lunch. You can sit at the bar and you can bring a book. And start talking to people. Now, it doesn't have to be men. You could be sitting next to someone, because you said making friends and talking to people comes naturally to you. You can start talking to people and you never know. You could meet a woman whose cousin”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, I think you can be looking at it through the same. I mean, you hope to one day be in a relationship. So I always say prepare. So these are things to help you prepare. And also, if you want to put yourself out there and date, there's some very important principles in the book that you need to be aware of so that you have better experiences in a relationship. But I would imagine that it's a little scary. It's a little intimidating to put yourself out there and go on dates and then maybe you don't have a great date and then you think, well, you know, what's the point? Or, you know, I'm better. I'm happy alone. But could you maybe just think of it as instead of going on dates to find your next partner, can you make some friends with some men?”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, absolutely. Who accepts you for who you are and you accept her for who she is, but she doesn't have to be doing it with you. And I think that's where you maybe need to expand your mind a little bit.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And really get to know her. Even if she ends up being a friend or even if this is someone who you never see again, to give people more of a chance so that you can practice your skills of actually really getting to know someone. How does that land for you?”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just doesn't come. And if you're looking for the immediate fireworks, and if you don't feel it, then you write someone off, then yes, I would say to you that your pickiness is not an indication that you're not ready, but it is an indication that this is one way in which you might be standing in your own way. I would actually give women who you think are pleasant and nice more of a chance. And instead of being in the position of vetting them, they have to have the same lifestyle as me. I have to feel that fire, all these things. I want you instead to try to make a connection with another human being.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But you said you're too picky. You're too picky, right? So here would be this is my advice to you. I would never suggest that anyone pursue a relationship with someone with whom they don't feel any chemistry. But I think you should have a lot of dates where you are really, you're sitting down with someone and really getting to know someone. Because one of the things that's really hard to distinguish is the difference between lust and love. And when we feel a lot of that fire and that feeling, you know, you said you're very laid back. So you may be going for like the fiery type and you're leading with that feeling. And I don't want you to not have any chemistry, but I want you to make a deeper connection. And sometimes that deep connection doesn't come on the first date.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so you're looking for that fire. So oftentimes when we're someone who values at a high level adventure, novelty, maybe some risk, maybe a little bit of danger, what we're also drawn to in relationships is a lot of that fire and sometimes not always, but you can verify this for me. Sometimes what that can lead to is maybe a lot of relationships or relationships that feel like a roller coaster or a lot of fighting, maybe a lot of physical passion, but then just a lot of fighting and ups and downs. Is that your experience?”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, yes, so you do, you're not someone who is playing it safe. You're not the person who lives your life playing it safe. I mean, you're a ski in professional skier. You climbed Mount Everest four times. I mean, that's not someone, yeah, but that's not, yeah, okay. So that's not someone who's living a safe life.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I have a few thoughts. I would imagine it's true that you really value adventure and novelty in life. Is that a big thing for you? Because you just said that you going on a lot of adventures.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Can we talk about it? You know, I bet that you know exactly what it is that you do when you are about to sabotage a relationship. You have a habit. That's true. Yeah, I do. We all do. I don't know what your method is. Maybe you start fights. I don't know what it is. But you have this just pull.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is to live your life and to be happy. Now, of course, you can't be happy all the time, but the greatest gift you can give them is to just live your life. There is no version of love that does not come with it, the risk of a broken heart. But we decide to take that risk because nothing meaningful in life comes without risk. And you have to now start to trust yourself that whatever doesn't work out, you can handle. And that when you are in a relationship and you're starting to notice, oh, I'm doing that thing again where I'm pushing them away, I'm sabotaging, you have now an opportunity to say to yourself, oh, I'm doing that thing again. I'm not going to do that. And you can even talk about it with your partner. Like, I have this pattern that I do and I don't want to do that.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, but you both let each other down in many ways, right? In your marriage? I mean, isn't that typically what happens in a marriage is that we all make mistakes. I mean, it's not that it's a 50-50 split, but it was a marriage. It didn't work out. And now you have an opportunity to love again the greatest gift you can give your children.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A lot of lessons. The thing is, the story that you keep replaying in your mind about your marriage and the things that you wish you had done differently or the mistakes that you made or the mistakes that he made, at this point, it's really a story because we can't remember everything that happened back then. We're just giving it a meaning. So it's not that the story isn't true, but you're giving it a meaning, which is I failed it. I don't know, I'm a failure. I can't be trusted. If I get married again, I'm going to have pain again. Do these all ring true to you?”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I realized there were a lot of things, even though I could blame him for a lot of things and actually be valid, there were things that I recognized that, wow, if I did it all over again, I would do so many things differently. And I can think back to other parts of my life where I've made really grave mistakes, where I perhaps acted out of character, did things that I didn't want to do. Someone once told me, and I wish I could remember, I wish I could say it was my mom. I don't think it was. But I was told many years ago that there's no such thing as failure. There's just lessons.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And if that's what you're looking for, I'm not your girl. And I have been blessed during those 12 years to have had a couple of very wonderful men for long-term relationships with them. But the same thing is rung true. I just never feel like I'm enough. And I feel like my past holds me. Okay, you know. When I reflect on my marriage that ended many years ago, And I had to reflect on it a lot.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I am. Well, hello to you both. Thanks so much for having me on. A little bit about me. I was married for nine years and then I already had two children by the time I was in my late 20s. And between working full-time and being a mother, by the time I got home and got them to bed, I felt so depleted and like a shell of my old self that the only time I felt like I could rebuild was when I went to bed and I didn't want my husband or anybody to touch me. And as you can imagine, over time that built up a lot of resentment. And then also that led to some betrayal and about a million regrets and things that I would do so differently now that I'm going to be 47. And that brings me to now. I've been divorced 12 years. And it's every first date I go on before I even meet you or even on the first date I say I never want to get married.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Which is, oh, he's in that mood. Maybe it's me. And then that tension that comes from believing that your partner is pulling away from you and you are the reason. And so you're constantly questioning in some way, unconsciously, your lovability because this person is pulling away. And that was something that I felt all the time. Yeah, and I think.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“My husband represented my father. And here's the interesting thing. They couldn't, they look totally different. Their personalities were wildly different. So their energy was different. But. Husband would shut down. I felt it's the familiar, it's how I felt in my body was so familiar I didn't even recognize it.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, as I said, I became obsessed. And so with figuring out what makes a relationship work. And so I worked with coaches. I worked with, I have mentors that I've had really since then. And I put my entire life into understanding relationships and the concept of love. And I always felt there was something because I had been a yoga teacher for many years and I always felt like there was something more for me. And I didn't know what it was. And then I discovered it was this. And I said, you know, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to teach people about love and about relationships. And I'm going to continue to teach people how to fortify the relationship with themselves, not just through yoga, but actually in the way that they think, particularly in their relationships.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I found some peace with him before he passed away. I had to wake up one day because I decided to be estranged from him. One day I decided to stop returning his calls. And I thought if I just never spoke to him again, that I would be okay, that that would be the solution. To whatever suffering I was feeling. And the reality is it didn't solve anything because it's just the ultimate form of avoidance. I just pushed it down and pretended like he didn't exist. And then only years later, the joke's on me. No, no, no. He exists. And actually the monster grows because the more you avoid, the more it actually lives inside you and controls you.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So I felt his moods very intensely and he scared me. He never laid a hand on me, but his energy was very dark and very unpredictable because I saw more of the serious depressive side. And he was a psychiatrist. So he was very brilliant, so he had a very analytical mind. And he was never present. He was always in his head. And so I would pick up on the tension that he had in his body. And then he was unavailable. Like you couldn't ever really reach him. Yeah.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“My father was a very complicated man. He struggled a lot with bipolar, a very severe form of bipolar that was not diagnosed when I was a child.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He called it a syndrome the difficult child syndrome. So the difficult children can also be incredibly creative. They can have good, a lot of them can have good social skills. You know, these are not the children who need to be hospitalized for behavioral stuff. They kind of teeter that line. And I just thought every time I made a mistake or every time I was Very sensitive to something because that really is what a difficult quote unquote, difficult child is, I do believe that we have certain nervous systems that we are born into and that can start in the womb. And some people are just more sensitive than others. And so when you're a child and you have a high degree of sensitivity, you don't know and you don't have the emotional regulation skills. The only emotional regulation skills you're learning are those of mom and dad.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Absolutely. He said, and that, and that once I became a certain age, I grew out of it. I grew out of it, so all is not lost. But it was all part of this.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Our connection, it turns Was talking about in the title. Well, hugely because he mentioned me in the book. And the new edition he took that out for my request. So of course, as a young child, I was like, I'm famous. This is amazing. I felt significant. I felt like a book is being written about me. This is amazing. Yeah. And then as I started to get older, I realized wow, this label is like a heavy bag that's resting on my shoulders that I can't get off, that follows me wherever I go. And so if I... If you did so.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that is just their nature. And so if you are struggling, here's the compassion. You know, it's not you. It's not your fault. You didn't create this. And here are the tools on how to create more peace in your family life because the difficult child is definitely disrupting. Okay.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, that children are born with a, we're all born with a specific genetic makeup That makes it so that we have a proclivity towards a certain personality or certain, he didn't use this word, but like a certain nervous system, a certain way of being, and that you might have this difficult child.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I could not believe that I was in this position. I had been a yogi for many years. I considered myself to be mature. I consider myself to be self-aware. And so it was shocking to me. And I thought, I need to figure this out. I must figure this out. And it became an obsession.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“When that happened, I became obsessed with two things. One, how am I going to get myself out of this hole? How am I going to get myself off the ground And two What makes a relationship work? Because I could not believe, I mean, now looking back, I can understand it, but at the time, I could not believe that I was 40 and getting a divorce or separated. And that this was my destiny. That's how I thought of it.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Correct. That's what it does. So then the 10% became the 90% and the 90% became the 10%. So our marriage was very problematic, somewhat focused around the fact that I wanted to wait. And he started to do this thing where if he were upset with me, he would completely withdraw and completely shut down, which was a humongous trigger for me. And he did it a little bit before we got married. And there was something very significant that happened before we married where he pulled away. And I didn't handle it in a way that I would have handled it today.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Terminal cancer. You've had your third miscarriage, and your husband says, I'm not coming home. It's just not working out for me. Had you sensed that it wasn't working? We had problems. I always said that before we got married, our relationship was about 90% great and 10% very problematic. Now you could say, well, that's a pretty good stat, but the 10% that was problematic was profoundly problematic. The things that today I would never ignore. So people think that when they get married, their problems are going to go away. That the marriage is going to heal. The marriage is going to heal it. No, the marriage only shines a light on what Magnifying”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I went a little hysterical because I thought, you know, you can't do this this way. You can't do it like this. That's very wrong. I kept saying to him, it's not the right thing to do. And you're going to regret it. And you're going to have, and you're the one who's going to have to live with that for the rest of your life. But he never, yes, did we see each other again for sure, but did he ever come home again? Never again. And you felt what devastation Devastation. I remember having this thought, oh, this is what it means when someone says that their world has completely fallen apart. This is what it means when everyone.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, and he was already at work because he had to go to work really early and I called him and I said I have to go to the gynecologist just to get blood work to make sure that this is what's happening. Can you come with me? Can you meet me there? And he said, no, I'm really busy at work. And I said, okay, so I went by myself, and this was something I had to do by myself before. And then it was confirmed. And so I came home and I text him saying, what time you're going to be home tonight? And he said, I'm going to stay at my parents. And I said, and I knew in my bones, in my body, that he was fleeing. And I said, Well, what do you mean? And then I called him, and what ensued was a conversation where he was basically telling me that we are on two different paths.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Navigate it by staying grounded through my yoga practice, through meditation, and through just trying to stay as present as I can. I think that's the key for all things. So, I want to start at the beginning of the book. I mean, whoa, did you have a wham damn doozle of the beginning of a book? You say that on June 2nd, 2014, my life fell apart. My mother had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. And given three months to live. And you say that morning, I suffered my third miscarriage. And my husband left me. He broke up with me over the phone. I woke up that morning. I was a very early pregnancy. And I woke up that morning to bleeding. And it occurred to me that what was happening”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The fear of pain is making you push away good men. I want you to make a deeper connection. And sometimes that deep connection doesn't come on the first date. If you're ready to find out how all your relationships begin with you, I see that you are in a moment. Do you feel that moment for yourself? I do. Absolutely feel like I'm in a moment. I feel like a moment of rising because someone mentioned you to me, have I seen your new book and then someone else mentioned your name and then my niece Cresanda sent me a video. And so I'm thinking, and this is all within a period of two or three days. So I'm thinking, okay. The magic of three, let's call Gillian. And then I find out that we have this long-time connection that I didn't even know about. So how are you navigating the rise? Navigating it, you know, it's a wild ride. It's a wild ride.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It works out. Her book It Begins With You was an instant New York Times bestseller. Her hit podcast Jillian on Love is being called one of the best relationship podcasts. And she is the daughter of renowned psychiatrist Dr. Stanley Turecki, whose 1985 book, The Difficult Child, was once considered the definitive work on dealing with what were then called hard-to-raise children. And you write on page 214, I was a highly sensitive child who felt his darkness so intensely it disturbed me And your father ever find peace? Many people have been telling me to have Julian on my podcast.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so I'm so happy that Julian Tarecki, who is a certified relationship coach, a teacher, and host of the HIT podcast, Julian on Love. Almost 3 million of you are following Heard Vice on Instagram. Well, Jillian wrote a book, her very first book called It Begins With You, the Nine Hard Truths About Love that will change your life. So welcome to the tea house. Thank you for having me.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There, so glad to be with you here on the Oprah podcast. This is where we are having conversations around ideas that I certainly hope are going to make your life better, more enhanced. And maybe you'll see yourself in my guests or hear something that sparks a new way of thinking about something that you're struggling with. You'll have an aha to remind you of what you know and what your true wisdom has always been. My guest today says, our relationships determine our happiness in life. Well, isn't that just the truth? And if you're like me, if my relationships are out of whack or not in a good place, then everything else is off kilter. Like when you have an argument with somebody who's close to you and you love, it throws everything else off. And there is no happiness without first taking care of our relationship.”
2025-04-15 · The Oprah Podcast · Oprah & Jillian Turecki on Looking Within to Improve Your Relationships · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT