YouSaid · the spoken record

John Gray

lines on the record: 47
first: 2020-07-28
most recent: 2020-07-28
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“So, what I do is score points with her. Sometimes woman has resentment flu. You try to do something for nice. She goes, I don't need that. I don't need any help. She pushes it away. You can't even, is something bothering you? No? No? And what I used to do in the beginning of the relationship, See, if you ask a man what's wrong, he says nothing, nothing's wrong, or nothing's wrong that he wants to talk about and he deal with it himself. You ask a woman what's wrong, she says, oh, nothing. She's saying, but if you love me, you'll stand here and you'll draw me out. You'll ask more questions. You've got to pull me out, right?”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Or maybe he gets three points. Then what she does is she takes 33 minus three and creates a new score, 30 to 0. So he's a big zero. I'm living with a big zero. There's no way she can then come back to looking at how she's contributing the problem when she's feeling so much resentment. And again and again, as psychologists, what we find is for women to work through resentment talking is the most important therapy. Talk therapy, even if it's not with her husband. Now what do I do occasionally if my wife's experiencing resentment flu just like if somebody has the flu, what do you do? You take care of them. You go, okay, it's going to be a while before she is happy with me.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Right, but what I was saying, Oprah, one thing if a woman can't feel, if she doesn't feel she can communicate directly to her husband, if it holds it in, the resentment builds and the relationship has no chance. That's why we have counselors. Even if you're not willing to go to a counselor, if she goes to a counselor and talks about her feelings, if she gets in a group with other women talking about their feelings, then she's processing it. Then she can start letting go, letting go, and seeing how she contributes to the problem. See, there's never a problem in a relationship that two people don't create. We've got to get that. But women quite commonly are incapable of seeing their contribution to the problem if they're in the place of resentment. I call it resentment flu. Once a woman gets to the place where she's giving and giving and giving, and he's sitting on the couch watching TV and she's giving and giving and giving, she starts keeping score. And the score is 33 to 0.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“She's been building an argument for a long, long time. And it's sad because if she had taken the time at the early stages to seek help, go to a counselor, talk about those feelings.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Generally, when the kids get to a certain age, and if there's an immediate breakoff, it means that for years she was planning that escape. And at a certain point, women just give up. And men don't understand it. They go, oh, well, let's just talk. Let's just solve the problem. They don't realize for years women will hold in, hold in, hold in. Quite often when a man says I want to leave, you can adjust his thinking. Basically, if you can solve the problem, he'll come back and work at it. But often for a woman, once she's built up resentment, resentment, resentment, then she is unwilling to work on the relationship.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The wise man does if you get a woman to talk about this complaint, this complaint, and she's sharing, sharing this, sharing. After a while, she runs out of negative things to say. Then she feels loving things. Women need to talk about their feelings inside. Men don't have as great a need. A man could just watch the news and forget his problems. The way a woman processes her feelings is by talking about him. Women actually have 40% more, billions more neural connectors between the feeling part of the brain and the talking part of the brain. They feel they talk. They feel they talk. Man, we don't have those direct connectors. We feel we have to think, what was that I felt? We go back over there. Yeah, that's it. Do I dare say it? No. It never gets up to speech.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“When we think they're complaining most of the time, they're just sharing. Now, let me give you an example. Men, when they share their problems, they're complaining. Let's say I go to the manager of their hotel and say that they didn't have something for me. I'm complaining, right? Because I'm sharing my problem. I want you to do something about it. That's a complaint. I'm sharing my problem. I want you to do something about it. Women sometimes are just sharing their problem and they don't want you to do anything. misunderstand it. We think, oh, now I'm supposed to do something about it. No, what you do is you learn a new skill, which is called empathy. Oh, really? That's awful. Tell me more. I mean, what man is going to ask a woman to complain more?”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Okay, great question. Why is it so easy for women to nag and complain? Let me dress that first because they don't know any other way to get you to do things. They say, will you move that box? And you say, yeah. And that box sits there for months. I mean, that happens, okay? It does happen. So we have to look at our side of it, the complain thing. On Venus, they have a thing called sharing.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Again, I'd rather just sit home watch TV. You know, he's just kind of blase. So you have to let him know what the things are. But what makes a woman feel romantic is when she experiences him taking the ball and dunking it. He's got to do it. So it's like if I'm creating a romantic evening, what I used to think is, okay, I want one of those electric fireplaces you just push a button, that doesn't create romance. What creates romance is the guy goes outside as if to chop down the tree, but gets the logs from the cold, carries them in. Okay, got the logs here for you. Put the thing down and starts building the fire. See, she experiences him sweating for her. There's something about him using, I like the old-fashioned phrase, toiling for the woman. When the woman experiences the man doing things personally for her. See, in counseling, I counsel couples. She says, I don't feel like you do anything for me. He says, what are you talking about? I go to work. I do this. I do this.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But now that you're not dating anybody, he doesn't feel motivated. Nobody taught him that if you want sex, you've got to plan dates. He needs motivation. If you want a happy woman, you've got to plan dates. If ever a woman does anything, like maybe we should go out and do something. You go, oh my gosh, we should do that. You give her complete support. It's hard enough for women, you know, to feel romantic to ask what they want. That's what you're saying. I need his help. I need his encouragement. If I say something, I need him to go, okay, let's do that. What we do is we sit down on a calendar. Right at the beginning of the year, we put little hearts on this special occasion, date nights. We got the whole thing calendered out so that she doesn't feel she has to do it all herself. Then once we have the dates, I need her help to figure out some of the things. That's helpful. We discuss things and she suggests this, suggests this. But I jump on it. Okay, we're going to do this. We're going to do this. And I then implement. So the woman helps giving him the information because he doesn't know. Well, we did this once before. Why do we have to do it again?”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Now let's just analyze what you just said. It's so common what women feel. I don't know what I want. What do I want? And this is where the romance breaks down. It actually starts in the dating process. As soon as a man gets in a monogamous relationship or exclusive relationship, or after you get married, to man, he starts feeling like, okay, now I did my work. Now she can take over. It's kind of like he's been running the race. He pulls the car over, drinks champagne, goes to sleep. And she now is like responsible for the relationship. He used to plan dates. He stops planning dates. Why? This is one simple answer. He used to plan dates because if he didn't plan,”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Good enough. When a man is turned onto you, remember, you have the perfect body, it's built in and feels like they always end up doing what he wants to do and never what she wants to do.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You're the only woman in the world. And my favorite story about this is this woman in a lingerie store told me this story. She said there were three four women over in their 60s buying lingerie, utility underwear. And one woman was buying sexy underwear. The other women looked at her and said, how can you wear that? Another woman says, you're too old to wear that. Another woman says, you're too fat to wear that. You can't wear that. This woman understood men. She looked at him with complete confidence. He says, you don't understand men. When you're the only naked woman in the room to that man, you're a million bucks. And that's what women have to get. When a man is turned on, sexual energy goes right up to his heart. You're the one for him. He's not comparing your body with anybody else. He's loving your body. But once he's in the hypnotic trance later with society because we've got this media and all this stuff's telling men this is the one kind of body, telling women this is the one kind of body that's beautiful. Women get sucked into that and they feel like, oh, so my body is not adequate. I'm not good.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What did you want to say? I got one other point with women, women, we have to understand men, and this is compliments. Women are under so much pressure to feel good about their bodies. We live in an altered state of hypnosis in every magazine you pick up has got one woman, her body type, and every man wants that body type. If you don't have that body type, many women just don't have that body type. Then suddenly they're not beautiful. And when that woman walks by, every man goes in hypnotic trance. There she is. There she is. Why are we hypnotized? Because those women are always in sexual poses wearing sexual outfits. It's like what they're saying is, I want to have sex with you. Any woman with that body type is saying, I want to have sex with you. So all the guys are hypnotized to look at that. But what you don't know women is that when we're turned on to you, your body becomes the perfect body. And that's what you don't know because here's your husband totally loving you. And you're thinking, yeah, but he was looking at the other woman the other day, looking at the other woman. When he's turned on to you,”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Okay, it works on both sides. Men get soft. Men put their best foot forward. Women put their best side forward. And if we're not loved or somebody doesn't tell you you have to keep doing that for a while to establish that this works, we tend to back off.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And in the evening, she was all distant and everything. I didn't have any idea what was going on. Then later on, she finally submitted herself to, well, how do I look? And like a typical guy, I said, fine, come on, we're late. And that's our vocabulary as men is fine, okay, all right, until somebody teaches us if you want your partner to feel loved. You've got to use juicy compliments. You look really great. You look wonderful. I love that dress on you. And my book, Mars Venus on a date and in the other books, long lists teaching then how to compliment women. We need that instruction. Otherwise, we don't get it.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I mean, Bonnie used to come down the stairs kind of late, which is already a signal that I should be giving compliments because she put a lot of energy into dressing. And she'd stand there on the stairs. I look at her. I go, Honey, we're late.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's the way men think. They figure you already know I like you in that outfit. He says, I love you think. Men don't say I love you enough. The man figures, I married you. I said it then. Why do I have to say it again? You see, men are not comfortable giving compliments. Imagine the guy's the bulls going by each other. Hey, I like those new shorts you got. Nice tennis shoes. They match. They don't do that, you know? We don't go around complimenting each other on our attire. We feel kind of awkward doing it. Suddenly I'm supposed to go, oh, honey, you look beautiful. Yes, I have to learn to do that. Whenever a woman puts any energy into getting dressed up, men, you've got to like stand it attention. Oh, look, I love the earrings. You want to get late tonight? Notice the earrings. Okay. Isn't that right?”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The way men feel love most important is by when you love what a man does or what he offers you, that goes straight to his heart. The way you love a woman, men, is directly to her. The way you treat her, the questions you ask her, the interest you have in her, and the compliments. Compliments are so important. Now, why does he give you compliments in the beginning? He's letting you know he finds you attractive. So what his belief is, now I'm not excusing, I'm just explaining it, and then I'm suggesting what he can do to counteract it. But once he's given me the once I've told my wife, you look great in that dress, you look so lovely, the next time she wears the dress, why should I tell her again?”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Only the men could hear this. They don't understand it. This is just another Mars thing where men don't realize how important compliments are to women. Just as women don't realize how important appreciation for what men do is important. Like if a guy empties the trash, you go, oh, the trash got emptied. Great. And inside you're thinking, big deal. I did his laundry. So what have we tried to do? Okay.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, she had the courage, and this is the strength that women have. And when women take that step to be vulnerable, it makes it safer for men who don't have the courage to do that.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And just, you know, God is the ultimate therapist. When we feel our pain, if we're not in counseling, we just open our hearts to God. We bring God in as we know, and we share our feelings with God. Amen. Amen. It takes tremendous courage and strength to open our hearts and share our feelings because we could be rejected and hurt.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“All right, now feel in your heart. Imagine as beautiful light coming into the room. We invoke the presence of God for you. And I want you to speak to God and just say, I want a man in my life, please”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“This is how you get a man. Close your eyes. And I'm going to send a man. Who you are right now is so attractive. How many men feel an attraction towards her just when she's sharing? Raise your hand. It's vulnerability. It's vulnerability. Men are drawn to it. Not that you have to be vulnerable all the time. It's just that you're being honest to yourself about that. And I want you to just do a little prayer. Close your eyes and out loud. I want you to speak to God. Do you believe in God?”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“If I let him in, would he really love me? Right? Because you have no examples of a woman being feminine and having a man adore you and love you and be there for you. Because your dad was gone.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You hide it from yourself. And so, what you have to do, your project, is to be in a group of women, and you share this part of you with women. It just has to come out where you feel natural, being vulnerable, feeling I need someone.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And there's another part of you, Oprah, which is very feminine. And that's the balance. That's all it takes. There's nothing wrong with a woman being very high powered, very strong, Oprah Winfrey, but there has to be a balance. There has to be a softness. There has to be a warmth. And you have that. We all know you have that. She has that. We all know you have that. But you hide it. You hide it from yourself.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“How many women can relate to her? Raise your hand if you relate to her. See, this is the dilemma of women in the 90s. You know, our society is conditioning and pressuring women to be like men.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You can now that you're safe now. So now you can open up and need a man. Even if he leaves you, you know you can take care of yourself. So now you can honor the part of you. He says, I want a man in my life. You tell me that. I want a man”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, right now, affirming for all the strong women. Yeah, you're shaking yourself back to another person. But there's a tender soul inside of there. There's the female. There's nothing wrong with your strong masculine side. Your soul's journey. You've been hurt. You had to prove to yourself that you could take care of yourself so you don't have to depend upon a man. And you've proven that now.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To put in simple terms, I'd call that the opposite of the sensitive man, the strong woman. She's on her Martian side. She's on her masculine side. There's all these lonely moments do you have, and nobody knows that the tender woman inside of you, and you just want a man to come and hold you and hug you, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, let me hold you, come here, come here, come here, come here. No, you're not. You're strong woman, let me give you a hold.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Have you noticed that men will be involved with you and then they'll leave you and they'll go commit with somebody else? I hear that a lot.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Love it, love it, love it. Nice and said. Nice and said. My big message is you don't have to be perfect to make a relationship work. And really, what I'm saying to this incident is don't try too hard. Just take time instead of trying to do a lot for your partner. Take time to understand your partner. And, you know, people say to me, is it hard to live up to this image? Ask my wife. It's not hard for me at all. I do everything wrong that I say men do. And I say, that's because I'm from Mars. I take my time in the cave. I take time where it's like I'm watching TV. I'm ignoring my family completely. She goes, he's in his cave. He'll be back. And guess what? I come back and I'm attentive and I listen and so forth. I don't try to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect, but you have to be yourself. And your partner has to know that who you are is okay. Otherwise, women try to change men. Otherwise, men think something's wrong with women. You know, women sharing about her day complaining. And he goes, why is she doing this? Why is she, you know, getting on my case? She's not. She's just sharing.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And separate time with the guys. Women, what you need to tell your husband if he's getting moody or irritable, say, go spend the evening with your guys. Go to a basketball game. Go to a movie that I don't want to see. It's very important to get them away because when men pull away, then they feel back in their masculinity. Then they miss you. See, this is the irony. Men grow in love when they're away from you. You know the old saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder. That's particularly true of men. Now you relate to it, women. Imagine it 10 times more for men when he's away. He's with the guys. Then he comes back and goes, oh, I've been missing her. Oh, she looks really good. He's got to get away. There needs to be time apart occasionally. Very important element in relationship.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“If you forgive, I've interviewed again and again these women, they say to me things like gee, I was really turned on to in the beginning, but now I feel like he's got a lot of problems. He's so sensitive. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him, or I feel obligated to give back to him. I feel like I have to give to him. So many times a man will come on really strong. I'm going to do this for you. I'm going to do this for you, do this for you. It'll cause a woman to terrify. She'll go, you don't even know me. How could you love me this much? How could you give so much? You know, you're in some fantasy world. Hold on. Let's go slower with this. So my advice to sensitive men is go slower, be less needy. Look inside yourself to where you feel you're needing and start looking at getting your needs met, spending time with other men. There's a lot of male energy comes by just being with the guys. I suggest this is basic therapy for any man in a marriage. You need a special romantic time with your wife, domestic time with your wife, and you need to have separate time alone.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“They need to sense that you're not going overboard the please them. You're not giving up who you are to please them. See, women instinctively do that anyway. They give up way of who they are. If they're with a man who's doing the same thing, they go, this is not going anywhere that I want to go. There's sort of a safety rod when a man is not overwitted. Women”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Another rule of thumb never show sensitive feelings more than the woman. Now, this is hard because a sensitive man will have more sensitive feelings. Personally, the reason I understand women so much, I'm a sensitive man, I am more sensitive at times than my wife. And when I went through this transformation about 15 years ago, I had to realize that John, you're a sensitive, caring, loving man, but if you want to create that polarity, you've got to let her be the woman and you can't be the woman. So what I had to do was go against all my psychological training and when my feelings would come up, I had to hold him back. You have to hold them back and start taking care of them yourself instead of going to the woman. See, another rule of thumb, if you're a sensitive guy, never need the woman more than she needs you. It's got to be a balance. She needs to feel that she's getting from you what she's giving to you. So you have to be more careful because you're going to the man who tends to be giving and giving and giving.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Complicated. You have to give the right amount. And the same thing women have to learn not to overgive, it's hard. So the secret is what I find most often with sensitive men is when they have conversations, they're very talkative with women, but then they start being very talkative. One rule of thumb is never talk more than the woman.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Right, very common. There's a lot of angry, sensitive guys because they're not getting laid. You know, it was right. You know what I'm talking about? It was about 20 years ago, these sensitive guys that are figuring out what is it that women want. And they go way overboard and they give to women. And suddenly they're not getting in relationships and they're confused. It's been the call of women in the last 20 years, women seeking sensitive man once she gets them. She rejects him. Why does she? Part of what's missing is in the beautiful desire, the loving nature inside of this man. He wants to move to his female side. To a certain extent, he neglects aspects of his masculine side. There's a masculine energy and there's a feminine energy. The masculine energy is it says sometimes I need to be alone. It says I need my independence. It says I've got to pull away. Women need that energy from a man that he's not just coming right to her. It's like you're giving too much. When sensitive men give too much, well, like what happened is a woman feels like she has to give back to you. So you're over-giving. You don't want to overgive to a woman.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“She felt taken care of. See, that's what all the dating rituals are about. Dating rituals, somebody could look at and say they're sexist. The man's supposed to do this, the woman's supposed to do that. If you want passion to last, you've got to know there's roles to play. When we go on a date, my wife, if I'm not opening the car door for her, she's very clever. She wraps her arm around me and she just walk into the car. She just keeps me wrapped to her as we go to the car door. And I go, I guess I'm opening the car door tonight, you know? Open the door and she goes, oh, thank you. Oh, okay. Whenever you're walking to a door, you know, slow down so he gets there first. He opens the door. He goes, oh, thank you. He goes, oh, yeah, I like that feeling. A lot of people can object to this. They go, wait a second.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It doesn't. It can be created again and again. You know, the first time my wife touched my thigh, every cell in my body came alive, fireworks, right? That's what happens to every man. 18 years later, well, did you want something? It's not going to happen. You can't have that passionate response. You're too familiar. You're in a relationship. You know the person. But what you can do, and this is what the possibility exists. You can create a romantic getaway. You can maybe go shopping a little bit during the day. Why shopping important? Women love to shop. Women's shopping is an opportunity for us to start thinking about herself. Even if she doesn't buy anything, that's what men have to know. Women don't have to buy things. They can just look, try it on. She's thinking about herself. Then you feed her. She's always feeding everybody else. You feed her. Brings her back to her sense of self. What's happening is you're bringing her back. She's connecting with those harmes, which she felt in the beginning where she felt special.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You can tell who are the couples who aren't married, the guy who's expecting sex that night, he's glued on her, no matter what she says. He's right there. Yeah, tell me more, Oprah. Tell me more, Oprah. And tell me more. He's like right there because there's the expectation of that connection. Something happens. It breaks down when you have kids. Now what we have to do, if we don't want that breakdown to happen, is we have to compensate for it. And the woman is just important as this as the man. Men have to learn skills for communicating, but it's not enough just to listen because what you're saying is there he is. He's read my books. He's trying to listen. There's no juice. You're not feeling that he's right there. And the only thing a woman can say is, I don't feel you understand. And then he gets really frustrated. What do you mean I don't understand? I can tell you what you just said. She doesn't feel connected. What's missing? What's missing is that passionate connection that he used to have when you would talk. And suddenly it's broken.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That is the number one thing. Now, one thing is reading my books, watching the videos, men learning to listen. The other ingredient is the fuel that allows a man to listen. Have you ever seen a guy dating a woman in a restaurant not able to listen to her? If he's expecting sex that night?”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Romance is possible. We can keep the passion alive. You get about three years of automatic hormones when you meet someone. Three years the hormones flow. If you don't have romantic skills and communication skills that will nurture the woman's hormones, that will nurture the man's hormones. Then they go into a state of latency. And then you see another person and boom, they're off again.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Take her to restaurant. We go somewhere. See, women can't continue to be sexually responsive and romantic if they feel they're always taking care of kids. They're always taking care of duty. Women have the breasts. That life is sucked out of them. They're being pulled all the time, pulled all the time, pulled all the time. Men don't have that. We just go sit in our easy chair and forget their problems. Women can't do that. Women can't forget. What we men have to do if we want romance to thrive, we have to take her out of that circumstance where she's feeling responsible, responsible, responsible. Take her away and romance her. And how many men have been taught how to do that? We're not taught how to do that. Our attitude is if you love someone, it's just supposed to work. Now, the truth is, and most people aren't even aware of this, Hollywood has rewritten history. Yeah. Never has romance been a part of marriage. Nowhere in history has romance been a part of marriage. We think of Romeo and Juliet. The only reason that's romantic is they both died.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because they don't teach us how to get there. When I see two people fall in love in the movies, and let's say I'm married, I'm not feeling that love from my wife, I go, I want that. That feels real to me. It tingles in my body. I go, I want that, but how do I get it? And I try to do what they do and it doesn't work. Nobody's taught us. We have to be re-educated on how to have relationships. See, the reason we don't have educational relationships is because normally you grow up in your family, you watch your parents have a relationship, and you learn 19 years of training how to have a relationship like your parents. That doesn't hold anymore. Suddenly, if we do the things our parents did, how many of us saw our parents creating romance every week? For example, my wife and I, one of the things we do to create romance, we want romance every month. We take one day, we go away from the kids, away from work, away from family, and it's basically gourmet romance. I serve my wife. I cook the whole meal.”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I agree completely. What's happened is times have changed. We've moved into a whole new society. Our expectations are changed. We're no longer modeling our relationships after our parents, but it's what we see in the movies. It's what we see in TV. Our expectations have dramatically changed. This isn't wrong. They've actually gone to a higher level. But TV and the movies”
2020-07-28 · The Oprah Winfrey Show: The Podcast · John Gray: Mars and Venus Starting Over · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source