YouSaid · the spoken record

Maggie Smith

lines on the record: 61
first: 2023-05-08
most recent: 2023-05-08
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Okay, today's show was produced by Naeem Araza, Blake Nishik, Kristen Castor Rosell, and Megan Burney. Special thanks to Kate Gallagher. Our engineers are Fernando Aruda and Rick Kwan, and our theme music is by Tracademics. If you're already following the show, you get to have it all. And if not, you get to have it all. Go wherever you listen to podcasts, search for on with Kara Swisher and hit follow. Thanks for listening to On with Kara Swisher from New York Magazine, the Vox Media Podcast Network, and us. We'll be back on Thursday with more.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just be kinder than you think. I think when you're in marriage, I think it's really hard because whether you're tired or you feel like you're doing more or doing less, I think you have to keep that in mind. It's really hard because it's really tiring. And I think in this case, I think they just grew apart. You know, and that's okay. That's all right. I certainly would never write a book about it, though. Good for you, Maggie. I gotta say, good for you. Good for you, Maggie. Ow, ouch”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The feeling you know you should marry this person. And the other half were like, no, get out, run. I'd say run. I'd say run.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Taking other people's liberty. And there's a real pushback of trying to hold on to that idea of this nuclear family that just is not going to exist anymore in the same way. And look, if they want to do it that way, they should do it that way. If they want to be egregiously unhappy their whole lives, that's fine. Those are the choices.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And a lot of waste cases have led the way in that case. There's a lot of gay families like that where they share kids and things like that. Time share kids. I don't know. I don't know. We'll see. I think the Straits really want to hold on to go around the country right now, all these bans on different plays that show different families, all these bands on like the rainbow song that Miley Cyrus and Belly Parton sang. I mean, I think there's a real attempt by a small group of people, whether it's one or two people like in Montana, it's run by these three crazy people from one family. A lot of the politics or the moms for liberty who are just not for liberty. They're”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I could just spend time with their kid. That's a huge cost. I never saw his name. Like this morning, I was rolling around the bed with the kids. It was hysteria. I was like, this is great. I wish I could just do this.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Pre partim agreement. It is an issue. It's a big issue. Amanda does, I'm doing more and more because I was working on my book, but she does a lot of it, and I know it's exhausting, and I know it's super exhausting.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and they all have a party, and then it's fabulous, and a drag queen shows up and everyone dances. Those don't have, that doesn't happen either. I just think that you didn't grow up with the expectation, and therefore you're in a better place because not that you're not disappointed, but you don't have sort of fake versions of your life put in front of you. And so you feel like you're not meeting expectations. I remember when I... Told friends I was getting divorced, and we were married 15 years, and someone called me and said, how unhappy were you? What percent they said, what percent unhappy were you? And I was like, Oh, you're getting a divorce. Oh. You know? And she says, 43. Like, I was like, literally, this is a tech person. And I was like, you really need divorce? Yes, of course. She's very happy. Well, she's very happy now.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I guess I literally was like, shut up straight people. You're driving me crazy. But look, there just wasn't any happy gay marriage. Now they're too happy, of course. They're like all the gays get together at the end and laugh and have a party.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Or, you know, how to marry a man in 10 days. I like these movies. But every one of them has this. There is all these are all.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, I do. I still don't think everything is visually cued by movies and television and, you know, even advertising is around happy marriages. I'm thinking of like 29 dresses, whatever, the one about the birthday.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I talk on pivot a lot about my kids and Amanda and stuff like that, but I don't talk about the bad things because I just don't, you just sort of leave them behind and move along. And I think in this case, you know, it was the backbone of the book. It was really the spine of the book.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, that's what art is, right? I mean, in a lot of ways, that Joan Diddy writers are always selling someone out. In this case, she really sold out her husband. She did. And I think there's an argument to make that he said.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Have to contend with her kids later. I was thinking that there's a lot here that's not very positive about her husband. And even if he's a jackass, you have to make those decisions very carefully. Especially publicly, you know, and like that. And I think she really went there with him. And I think kids will have a word or could have a word or two with her later.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, you're the last person you're going to talk to before you die, you know that. You're the last person you're going to have a little moment with.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, my last thing is the last poem in your book, I think it's called Bride. I think this line is fantastic. Darling, I say I've waited for you my whole life, which you're talking about yourself. I have always said if I could date myself, that would be the best thing ever or marry myself. Have you realized that finally? Because that's a don't give a fuck poem. Like, I'm good.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, so it'll get better So, I want to finish up talking about where you are now. You wrote at the end, though, by the time these pages are printed, by the time you're reading this, may I be in a place of forgiveness. Are you there? Do you have to be?”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Before we started this, we're talking about AI being a problem. I got barred at Google to write a poem in the, I said, write a poem in the style of Maggie Smith. And the poem I'll read the first stanza, The Future. The future is a mystery, a blank canvas, a blank page. We can fill it with anything we want with hopes and dreams and love. This is a terrible poem. Are you worried?”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Into a family Yes, that's what I said. I actually said something to my mom the other day. She did something bad and I go, I'm so excited for when you die. And I'll be writing all about it. She's like, you're excited, I'm going to die. I'm like, no, I'm excited to write about it. And she's like, you can't use me. And I'm like, oh, I won. But the public nature of your career is very different of how we think about poets, right? I know you're making jokes, nobody reads poets, but it's not true. There's much more. Talk about that idea of being public and you think about it, because then you have all your Instagram. So talk about how you think about technology, because both books kind of started on Twitter in a lot of ways.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. I think about it a lot, I have to say. They're used to it. And I'm like, well, you shouldn't have had a mother who was a writer. I don't need to tell you.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But when you think about writing about your kids, I think a lot of people obviously have written about their kids. And I think myself, because I talk about my kids a lot on my shows and various, I write about them, they're in a lot of stuff I do publicly. And I do think about the performative nature of it and also that it's also genuine. It's a part of me. My second son calls me a Sharant. My older son has gone off social media, but they're in my work. And they're sort of used to it now. I feel badly now. And again, you do write about your kids a lot. I get a very big sense of your kids there, and I think I feel like I have some sense of who they are. Do you think about that a lot? Are you worried about them being like mom, really?”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, we had a friend of ours die, and when my son, my oldest son was, I don't know, four or five maybe, so in that time frame when they don't really understand death precisely. And I was with my ex-wife and he goes, but you're not going to die. And I'm like, of course I will. And my ex-wife was like, I'm going to kill you now. Now I'm going to kill you. And I was like, what? What? He has to know this. And she's like, not today. He doesn't know.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Absolutely. And you also reference the hard parts, and a lot of your poems with your kids that have your kids in them. I think it's for my next trick. I think that's what it's called. You wrote, We can't talk about birth without talking about death. Can't talk about death without talking about separation, that thick black redaction. Do I tell her we end like a book, the end? I love this poem because my sons, I'm always talking about death with my sons. My dad died when I was little. So it's an important part of my life is thinking about death. So they're like, oh, mom, another death poem. But talk about writing that about your kid, about you're talking about your daughter.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, right in the world. I think they're reading it because it's hopeful too. I think that's why, even if it's bad things, it's like also you want it to work. Yeah, it's beautiful. I think it's about hopefulness. The part I see in that is your kids, right? I think you can't have kids without being hopeful, like about the future or about things that happen. You have to be really kind of demented if you have kids and are very depressed about the future in some ways or it dements you. But one of the lines in one of your poems, I think, another poem, not good bones, is I'm desperate for you to love the world because I brought you here. I think about that a lot. Like there has to be a good place.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You said you felt ambivalent. What was the ambivalence that you happened to be an introvert? You're a more gregarious introvert than most of them. I'm a gregarious.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“One of the things you do talk about is this poem Good Bones, even after the poem went viral, I was still hidden cleverly disguised as one of the least visible creatures on Earth, a middle-aged mother. The word invisible appears a lot in your book. If you feel invisible, how do you imagine middle-aged mothers who don't go viral feel? Because that poem certainly went viral.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So you ask if your kids will wonder why being their mom wasn't enough for you because you discuss that and then you realize that men don't struggle with guilt of wanting to be more than a dad, that they can have both the personal and the professional together. It's an old why women still can't have it all conundrum. How do you think about that? Because you raise the issue in the book itself.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and it was also drawn, though, at the same time to this line you wrote betrayal is neat because as you put it, betrayal absolves you of any blame. Talk about, you go back and forth on this, the blame, how things went, how you behaved, and things like that, because if he's the betrayer, he gets to carry all the burden of this. Does that change how you feel that you have a piece of it, which I thought you did, which was important in this book, is to not totally make him a villain, a villain. Oh my gosh. He sounds villainous in a lot of ways, but at the same time, I thought you did that rather effectively.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So talk about it in the context of this relationship because there's one point when your husband realizes you're angry and has a problem with it.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They can relate to one thing that was interesting, which I think you had a little hard time relating to, but then it sort of emerged over the course of the book, is your book has anger. I love that. I'm always, I get angry very easily and express it very clearly. Women aren't supposed to be angry, which is absurd. Women's anger scares men. You talked about that. Your anger scared him when you had just a tiny bit of it. I want you to talk about the way in this book, especially how gender affects the way we process anger, whether it's our own or someone else's.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I just had my first daughter. She's almost four years old. I think about it all the time. I have three sons, but just one daughter. And I do think about the same thing, even though very strong female presence, a lot of power, et cetera. Do women sharing these experiences lead to change from your perspective when you were thinking about writing this? Because you got a lot of reaction.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. But that often happens. One of the things I used to observe with my friends who were straight is the women swooping in. The husbands would try to do something like change a diaper and not do it very well. Or I was in a party and I was upstairs with all the husbands. I don't know why I was put up there, but the kids were playing. And one of the kids was heading towards my stairs. And I just sat there. I'm like, how long is he going to figure out? I was going to be there. I was standing there. So the kid couldn't have gone over. And the kid almost went over. And I was like, wow, you really aren't paying attention. But I often also saw women swooping in and fixing it like, oh, you're not doing it right and diminishing a man's experience. So I always thought that was really interesting.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Talk about the idea that you sublimate yourself to someone in order to make it work. Is that a compromise that happens in all marriage, right? Or is it disappearing yourself, which I think you talk a lot about invisibility? And I think the line, I love the word stead. So I steaded my tears. You put them back in that piece that you talked about in the New York Times. Talk a little about this idea of folding your happiness. Sometimes that's the thing you need to do in a marriage, obviously.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hung over it so that we don't have. Yeah. So you do try to find the good part. There's another line you have is love is a perfect pit on my otherwise rotten fruit, which was kind of, wow, that's something else. I was thinking about my own divorce because many people who are straight have that feeling of rotten fruit. In a lot of ways, I don't feel that way. We had a pretty amicable divorce. I think gay people don't have all the imagery around marriage, so they think it's all going to be kittens and rainbows ever because they never thought they would have, and I'm older. And I remember It was only stray couples who told me, you have to make it work. And I always would say, do we? Actually, do we? And it was a really interesting experience. I'd love you to talk about the idea of this being devastating to you because it comes through throughout the book that you thought this was going to be forever and it certainly wasn't.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And you do talk about the choices because I had another, I have new young children, I have older children. And sometimes I look at the house and it's full of toys and I go, oh, and my wife looks at them and she goes, you pick this. And I'm like, you're right. I did. I remember. This is the deal. So you wrote a really great line here. Sometimes I feel like I titled this book, Kittens and Rainbows, which is true because it's called You Could Make This Place Beautiful, and then wrote Hell. Which I thought was fun.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But when you were trying to get this idea of finding your narrative, in the course of the marriage you lost it in some fashion.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, you talk about that, where it could have gone differently, where you make different decisions, which you don't see as the cracks start to create. I think you used the term cracks get bigger and bigger in the relationship.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Work There isn't as much shared as anybody. It seems disdainful for her success rather than encouraging of it. You get the sense that he... He could have been nicer about her success.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“100%. They're married for 40 years until my son. My grandmother never asked if she was happy in her marriage. Yeah. I've never thought of”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, 100%. We can interview all the masters of the universe we want, but I do think when you do the smaller stories, I think they often resonate. I'm often attracted to smaller stories that say a lot about a lot of things. And this book is about loneliness. It's about Ambition. It's about failing and trying to figure it out. It's about love in a lot of ways.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But they all were, you could feel it. And Amanda and I were like, whoa, it's like the straight ladies were really unhappy.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Could hear a visible, like, yeah, I'd rather be single. Because she's like, I love being single. And they're all like, oh, it's good.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There weren't a ton of men there. I'll tell you. So she aims at sort of women who are working and struggling with kids and the different compromises you make, especially straight women. And it really resonated with them. And anyone who has got a struggle and juggle has that issue. And then when she started talking about...”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I thought it was really well done. I liked how she did it. She did, some pages were just a single word. A sentence or things like that. We've interviewed a bunch of people like Brene Brown or Glenn and Doyle. You know, it's in that genre, I guess, I would say, because when I went to the reading in Washington, it was full of women.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't think the poem was to blame Part of me thinks she was a successful poet and he was not. But the poem changed this.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“She's a beautiful prose writer, too. And you can see that by the poetry. She's very easy to read, but also complex and really gets to the heart of things. And she really exposed herself in this book, A Marriage That went completely wrong in lots of ways. Because the poem.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. And at the same time, knowing it's not, and you have to teach them that it's also not. You have those discussions with your kids when you're older. Anyway, this poem went completely viral. Street Bret Edly Concenter”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm going to read the whole poem because she writes short poems and she talks about this in the book and in the interview. She writes very short. Life is short, though I keep this from my children. Life is short. I've shortened mind in a thousand delicious ill-advised ways, a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways. I'll keep from my children. The world is at least 50% terrible, and that's conservative estimate, though I keep this from my children. For every bird, there is a stone thrown at a bird for every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world is at least half terrible, and for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children. I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor walking you through a real shithole chirps on about good bones. This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful. This is a great poem. This has a lot about the times we're in, too. And about children, the difficulty of saying difficult things to kids.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Can see why you wouldn't see why you wouldn't. I think when you have kids, I do think. It's easier when you are not a single mom. I think they're wonderful single moms. Scott's, for example, have been raised by a single mom. But I think the level of difficulty is high. High. Very high.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You just really do. Thoughtlessly break up. Yeah, that's me. I don't know if you're thoughtless about it. No, I'm not thoughtless.”
2023-05-08 · On with Kara Swisher · Making Relationships Work (or Not) with Maggie Smith · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT