YouSaid · the spoken record

Michael McIntyre

lines on the record: 48
first: 2011-07-17
most recent: 2011-07-17
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“I have to say listening to them, as we have done here, that was a better version of bewitch brother de Bilder than I'd ever heard. That was live, I loved it. So I'm going to take that one. I'll take Elephitzgerald.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I found that I really have struggled to think of a luxury item. I was going to do something as boring as a pen, actually. I don't want paper. I've bought pads in the past to try and write jokes, but they're empty. I've just got endless empty pads. All my jokes end up on sort of little bits of newspaper or on my arm or on receipts. Loads of jokes on receipts. So I thought if I just take a pen, I'll just have like, there's loads of leaves with jokes, maybe an entire tree if I was particularly creative that day. Obviously my body will be covered. So I'll just take a pen. A lot of pens and no paper. I'll find places to write that should be occupied.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I'm going to go for complete prose of Woody Allen. I became very obsessed with Woody Allen when I was a teenager and I read this an awful lot. I love it. It makes me laugh. So I'm going to take that book.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Finish This is the sog that was my first dance at my wedding. I would also like to say it was my only dance. I'm not a dancer so we had our first dance. It's I think very romantic kind of an awkward affair because we have no real I have no experience with dance. I don't have any moves. It was sort of like a hug. I'd call it more of a hug. A hug to music. We don't really dance. Maybe we should dance more. But anyway, this is the one we dance to. It's a wonderful song, and it's Elephant Fitzgerald's bewitched bothered and bewildered.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What I genuinely think that my comedy in the person I am is because of who I am and how it's come about, and that does include unfortunately my dad not being around. It did push me further like I said into a quite an insular place just completely in my own world and in my own mind, and I just wondered sometimes whether if he was around, and he was also in the business whether it might have gone the same way one of the nice things about having success is that I've managed to meet his friends and it's great to hear from them and to hear them saying that he would have been proud of me.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I worry about the next thing and I worry about things changing and I worry about things ending. I have like catastrophic thinking. I just, you know, everything going wrong and I do it too much and I need her to set me right and she does it has to do it so often that I think it can be really hard for her to just recalibrate my mind to be happy and enjoy my life and stop worrying about everything. And I worry about my children like you wouldn't believe. I mean like you would not believe I worry about something happening to them. Just every single scenario that happens in life carries on happening in my mind and then something horrendous happens at the end of it and it just can get too much and I'm so grateful to her and her putting up with me because”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“This is a song that was played endlessly on my honeymoon, and we just loved this song and all the love in it, and we love the words and obviously changed the words slightly to each other, but sung it a lot to each other, and it was such an intense time that just listening to it sends me back there. It's Oyoko by John.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“just made me feel awful because I'm there with my wife and she's gone out and bought a dress and it's my big night and I won and the overriding experience was that of nastiness. For what reason? I don't know. And what I was doing is just making people laugh.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Right. Well I think it comes with a territory I'm sure it does, actually. And of course, I can't say it's water for ducks back and I'm so thick skinned that I can just say that. I can say it now because I'm getting used to it, but it did come as a shock at the beginning. I can't deny that. It was confusing because when I talked about having a big break and everything going so well, but that came with certainly at the beginning, amazing amount of hostility. Because I would never be rude about somebody else in my profession because we're all doing the same thing. We're just trying to make people laugh and I have my audience. Other people have their audience. I'd go to the British Comedy Awards and quite a few people were making jokes at my expense.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I don't have any writers. I couldn't have a writer. I couldn't I've tried. I never get a laugh with somebody else's joke. Even when I hear a joke from somebody and tell my wife and go, this is so funny and it's always really embarrassingly. I can't do it justice.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I really like those shows there's only a few sort of juggernaut TV shows in this country. The peak of Brint's got talent when Susan Boyle was on it was nineteen million. The whole country stops to watch this show and I was asked if I wanted to be part of that. I just thought that's going to be so much fun. What else am I doing in January?”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, this is the most poignant Edinburgh festival has been a massive part of my life, and I went when my son was born and I decided to go up on my own without my wife, without my son. If so insanely focused that people were really worried about me because I was so panicked about having a child and being so much in debt. And it's called Miss You and it just refocused my mind on I miss my family and I'm here for a reason it got my head right for me to take my chance.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“No, she didn't have a funeral. She was cremated, my mother took her ashes down to the south of France, I think, where my mum lives. No. I didn't like, I mean Her dying was final and He was horrible, her pride was so great she wanted to hurt me so much that she didn't want to get back in touch at any moment.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“She slammed the door, and then started throwing all this money fifty pound notes through the letter box, screaming at me This is all your bloody month Take it That was it That's the last time I saw her and she died a few years later and she had no interest in me and I wrote her several letters You know I used to drive around her area where she lived and burst into tears I missed her terribly and she did not let me back in.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I will unfortunately, my grandma didn't really like it when I got a girlfriend. All I can say is that when Kitty finally made it to her house, I went to the Lou, I don't know if this is suitable for Radio 4, to be honest. I went to the Lou. She basically said to her I'll change the words for Radio 4, he does the smelliest puss. He comes here He puss I have to fume again I don't know what's wrong with him I think he should have medical attention darling would you like me to order you a taxi and you can go back to wherever you came from? She was literally trying to break us up to that extent, which was funny for a while, but then it became quite vicious, and it was an untenable situation. And the last time I saw her was horrific. Oh my god, it was awful I went round there and we had a big row, and I left and left.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oh yes, she was hilarious with regards to writing my book. It was great to have her there as a character, but with regards to growing up, it was quite confusing for everybody, especially because you did have money. You know, she would have a lot of fifty pound notes hidden around a house. I found one once in the remote control where the batteries are. She had stuffed a few in there, because it wasn't working because she'd used the battery compartment for more fifties.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yet I was her favourite, I can confidently say that, in the sense that she would say You're my favourite quite a lot So I was quite confident that I had that status You can that true my girl”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Of the effect? No, she was constantly my vill, my bloody villa. I cut you out I should say that she was Hungarian if you don't know that But yes she was always threatening to cut everybody out and tinkering she would tinker with her well like raffa benitos with this Liverpool formation”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Grandma She was a quiet character, my grandma. A big part of my life, I suppose, growing up. She was so funny, my grandma. She lit up a room. She looked and sounded like Jean Jacques Gabor. She had quite a lot of money. She wielded it for all the power that money can have.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, I talked earlier about fantasy and that being a big part of my life dreaming about how I want my life to go. And my fantasizing sort of became, starting to become a reality when I wrote a film script at university. And it was funny. So I started to find my sort of comedy through writing and that during that whole time I played Natkin Cole. And this was my favourite and reminds me very much of that time when I stopped going to my lectures at university and spent day night writing.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's I think it does. Parenting is actually dealing with things on a day-to-day basis. You can have moments of clarity where you think, you know, I know I should be doing this and I plan on this. But actually, parenting is about trying to make sure that your child eats food that you make and doesn't eat glass off the floor. I mean, it's just things like that. I can have a few drinks and go, this is my plan. When it comes down to it, it's just like, don't interrupt me. I'm on the phone. That's more parenting. I'm on the phone. Don't you understand what a phone is? That's more parenting.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, I really love my dad, and when I used to visit him and when he would come and visit us I got more happy and excited than anything else made me and he was very preoccupied when I saw him so it was only a few weeks and he said I'll see you and he was going to come back. He said I'll see you after Christmas and then and then he died Think it was on Boxing Day. It's hard and it's difficult, but for me came at a time in my life where, you know, I'm going to live forever at eighteen. That's how I felt.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He was living in America, so you know we spoke to each other on Sundays, but I was a teenager now and I was, you know, starting my life and You know, it's awkward to say, but obviously I didn't always want to talk to him on a Sunday. I don't want to talk to my dad in America. So when he died, nothing changed except for this sort of news. My daily life, because I was living with my mum, I was living in this country. I still had my exams to do. Nothing changed in my life apart from this knowledge that my dad had died. So I was I had this I had pain, but I was still filled with excitement about my life and confusion over my life as every teenager has.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, that really, absolutely. I never felt like I belonged to anything, to any group of friends. Everybody had groups of friends. I never really had that.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“We are going to hear Abrakadabra by the Steve Milliband. This is my first favourite song. You only have fleeting memories from your childhood, and for some reason one of my memories is me vowing to one day cover this song. So that still hasn't happened, but should I ever get into the musical industry? This is the one I'll be singing.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Britain were any conversation. A lot of talks, and it's hard because I think now that I'm a dad and you can remember that and you can remember what I remember my dad making that speech to me so many times, especially when we used to go, my sister and I used to go and visit him because he ended up moving to America and he was obviously so desperate for us to understand how he didn't want this and how much he loved us and how circumstances created the situation. I remember being a kid and half listening, I suppose. A byproduct of that is probably also my comedy. A lot of my comedy came from being an outsider and some of the things that happened in my childhood made me more of an outsider and I think I've needed to be that because I'm the guy standing, you know, the audience are facing me and I'm the guy on his own. I'm an outsider in my gigs and I'm happy there and that's I've created my life there and it's been created there.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, it said I love you, and it was not from my dad, it was from one of the builders who was renovating his house that we were creating from the flats. That felt like a huge turning point, but when you look back on it, it wasn't, it was just how things went and it was for the best it was for the best. My parents didn't really like each other, and that fact is things did work out, and you know, that builder is my stepfather, and we've been married well over twenty years, I should know exactly how long they've been married, but they're still married and they're really happy.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, I mean it's not as romantic because the fact is it wasn't that happy a home because it was a broken home so it didn't end great”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Okay, well, this is probably the best singer alive, and I wasn't very familiar with her until I heard this song, and it's not one of her more well known ones, but it had a huge impact on me at the time, and it was at that time when I was university, and my friend was in love with his girlfriend in the next room. And I was alone in the living room, and I couldn't even bothered to make it back to my bedroom. I used to sleep on the sofa, and there was footage of Aretha Franklin singing this song, and she had so much passion and angst, and it just reflected exactly what I was feeling at the time, and I've loved it ever since. It's Araitha Franklin's Don't Play that song.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. We lived in this flat my dad started making money when he was doing the Kenyorate Show and we bought all the other flats in the building and turned it into a house, I suppose like it was originally, and then sold it even more bizarrely to Ozie Osborne and it was a beautiful big house in Amsterdam by the time we sold it and a house came up on the very same road that I lived when I was a kid and I always wanted to go back there and it's nice and it's poignant and I do have memories of being there and I've knocked on the door of my old house and walked around it. I know the people who live in it now and...”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I suppose I was a bit shy around him, but I remember him being really, really funny, and he was He was very, very sharp and just naturally hilarious.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, I remember going on, you know,'cause I look at it with my own children, you see the world through their eyes and, you know, with my five year old, and he doesn't quite know what's going on with me, and he shouts my name out because he hears it at school. I mean, like in restaurants he's that the other day. He literally just shouted out Malcolm McIntyre, you're famous in the middle of a restaurant. Everybody in the restaurant just be quiet. But you are, Daddy, you're famous. You're Michael McIntyre Rocho. That's what he kept doing. But anyway, very embarrassing. So likewise with my dad, I remember there was a lot of excitement. And then Kenny Everett would come and pick me up from school because he was really good friends with my mum and the excitement around that. I mean, literally, I mean, I couldn't that is unforgettable because it was mobbed. I mean, just absolutely probably the most famous man in the country around then.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“She was basically a mum. So, yeah, I had a very glamorous young mum because I do remember everyone at school really fancying my mum. She was much more glamorous than the other mums.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“This is a song that I had never heard until I was about maybe twenty, and it came on the radio, and I just had this instant affinity with it, and during a conversation with my mother I said, I really like this song from the nineteen seventies. Why? And she said, That's hilarious because that's the song I played almost every day because she's much like me and incredibly obsessive when she was pregnant with me, so I had heard this song through my entire development in the womb, and then twenty years later I just had this extraordinary reaction to it super tramps the logical song.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“She just went, Mich Michael? And I thought, well, I've got options here. Either I can hope that she moves on. I chose to act as quite normal, like it was fine, so I just stood up and went, Hello, darling Time stopped, really, and she thought, you know, is this worth it? Am I going to love this lunatic? And she just said, you know, are you going to come in? And that was it. Once a stalker gets access, they don't leave. The door opened. I've been standing outside that door for two years. The door opened, and we're still together.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I completely lost it. And then I decided that what I should do is go via her house, which of course was near me because I'd moved into the next road, and make sure that her car was there, share this little mini. If I thought if our car's there, she's home. She's away from this man forever. The deed is done we can now get married. But unfortunately, as I was walking past her home at one o'clock in the morning, at that exact moment she was driving, chugging along because you could hear those minnies, and I suddenly realized, oh my God, this doesn't look good. You know, I've just convinced her that I'm the man for her and not some obsessive stalker, and here I am on day one outside a house at one o'clock in the morning. So I dived into a bush which was in Hafer front lawn, and I hid in it. And then there was this moment when she stopped and she looked at the bush. And I don't know, something must have been sticking out. I'm assuming it was my hair.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oh, yes, there was that as well. Yeah. That was later. That was when she actually got together. She was having a sort of relationship with somebody else and felt it was good to go out and tell him that she was going to be with me now after two years of stalking. And I was very upset that she had to go and tell him personally, I thought, well, you know, send him a text or, I mean, I'll tell him. I'll be glad to tell him. You know what I mean?”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Are you saying that to be entertaining? No, I did. Of course I did that. Well, you know, that's the least of it. Well, I called her a lot. I've got this problem. I can't leave messages, you know. Hi, call me back. That's that done. But for me, I would just call until somebody picks up. So I called so many times, you know, twenty odd miscalls. I mean, record breaking numbers of miscalls. And then I moved in, of course, near her. I got a flat on the next road to her. Did you hide?”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think we might have kissed after our first date, which was something that I'd seen happen in movies, but it actually happened in real life. So that was it for me. I announced to everybody that I'm in love now. I'll be marrying this girl. And then I think telling her that I had announced this to everybody, that probably was my first mistake. How quickly did you tell her that? Oh, the next day. I was like, great news, you know, my mum loves your name because she was Cotty McIntyre and you'll be Kitty McIntyre. You know, that probably scared her off a little bit.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Two years of sort of stalking. I mean it was stalking. We had a really good start. I think she really liked me, but I didn't know how to handle that.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Um, it was definitely girls, I mean, massively hugely. I was very unsuccessful with women. I was in the wilderness with girls all through my teens. I mean nothing. Nobody was interested on any level and then”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I suppose it's like I find something that I like, particularly with music. It was just fantasies really and dreaming. I would just dream basically and fantasize when I was younger and I had a much better fantasy life than my real life. Always with a soundtrack. And I would be enjoying it so much by the time the song ended that I would have to replay the song and just carry on with this parallel world.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“This is massive attack and unfinished sympathy, which I actually thought was symphony until I selected it as a desert disc. If I like a song I will play it until I don't like it. I just play it back to back. Some people don't use the repeat button on an iPod. I do. I mean, everything I like, it's repeat. And on this album, I listen to this song over and over again when I was about 17 years old. It still reminds me of that time when I was 17 and had a lot of hope and optimism and just always made me feel fantastic.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yet because of those moments when I have felt that I could do it very well, I felt, you know, it's when I'm happiest, when I'm really relaxed on stage, when I'm in that sort of zone, and it felt to me magical when I'm still happiest when I'm doing it, and I've confused when I'm not. You know, we talk about things going well for me, but I'm only really enjoying my life when I'm on stage doing what I can do best. I'd had those fleeting moments, and I couldn't do anything else but to try and, you know, have more.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I remember my wife whether we were married then or not I don't remember but I remember her saying seriously do you want to carry on doing this are you cut out for this because it wasn't just the fact that I wasn't getting a break and I was in debt I was struggling greatly with nerves and the pressure was it was too much for me a lot of the time when I knew that the press would come to see my show for example in Edinburgh I would crumble so that”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It was 2006 because it really did sort of drag on, and I just couldn't get a break. I would go to the Edinburgh Festival, which is where you get your break. I mean, so many great comics have been discovered there. It's there to discover talent. And I went five times and it never, I never got discovered. And this went on and on and on. And as you mentioned, I did get more and more in debt because it's very expensive to take yourself up there. It was about sort of ten grand ago, and I had no means of paying that back. So it was very frustrating. But when my chance came. I had envisaged it so many times, I mean so many times I wasn't even nervous, I knew I could do it, and so I think it all helped, it was all for a reason. It just didn't feel that way.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think I am because it took me so long. You know, I was on the circuit for like 10 years. I lived a lot of real life and had my family and my wife. So I appreciate it. I mean, I really do every day. I love it.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, it is mind blowing. It genuinely is. The way things have gone, it has been amazing, and a bit uncomfortable as well, because I've just been busy working and creating this stuff, and now I've sort of stopped for a bit. And until you actually go out and meet people and see what the results of that are. And people are so lovely to me. And it's wild, but I'm very happy with it.”
2011-07-17 · Desert Island Discs · Michael McIntyre · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source