YouSaid · the spoken record

Morra Aarons-Mele

lines on the record: 28
first: 2020-12-23
most recent: 2020-12-23
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“So, Guy, I'm proud to tell you that I gave out bonuses to my team yesterday. That we had an amazing year because although I was an anxious wreck when we lost the live event business, my team who are empowered said, we're going to figure this out. Kind of content do we want right now? We did over 25 live events that reached over 500,000 people and we created real entertainment for people that met the moment. And so my lesson going into 2021 is to get out of their way and really remember that we're all in this together and that our clients were right there with us. I had to manage my anxiety and let them do what they did. And that helped me build so much resilience because I learned like just because I feel this way doesn't mean it's true. My team is great.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, Guy, in real talk, I have depression as well, and so I have some days when it's hard for me to get out of bed when I feel really my mood is so low. And I know, and I'll say just 10 minutes more, just 10 minutes. It's like that mood flip. It's like endorsing someone on LinkedIn. When you are an anxious, depressive entrepreneur, you get very good at having little hacks. And a little bit of heart rate raising is really one of them.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I have the same I get a little manic, so when your little manic and you're on Zoom, for example, having a prop, my friend Anne Choquette actually showed me this one when I get too fidgety, have a prop in your hand that you can sort of fidget with or have a fidget. When you're feeling like your energy is very low, I think it's really important to shut down the screens and get some fresh air and do some belly breathing. Put your feet on the floor and breathe not in your chest, which is where we hold anxiety. Breathe in your belly. Really try to center it and redirect the energy and if alone time is what you need, take alone time.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's my brand. So I think it's really about, again, thinking through being strong and vulnerable and how much am I comfortable with? But I think that oversharing in the social media age is a temptation that a lot of entrepreneurs might feel actually because a lot of our favorite entrepreneurs do seem to be able to share a lot, right? When they get on Guy's Show, but they've already made their billion dollars. And I think that it's really important not to show the mess. So practice vulnerability with not the mess.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I have a little saying that a therapist friend of mine told me, no on-camera meltdowns. Leave the mess at home for your therapist, right? You could say to your team, I really want to run through these numbers because the economy is very uncertain and I want to make sure that we have a good handle in the next six months. They don't need to know that money makes you anxious because of your parents' divorce, which frankly money makes me anxious because of my parents' divorce”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think it's about your brand. As an entrepreneur, if you're pitching. Need to have a good idea of what your persona is. I think that that's really important and if you're a socially anxious entrepreneur can really help you, I have known many women entrepreneurs and part of their brand was red lipstick. And they were like, this is who I am. I wear red lipstick. Some women don't wear any makeup. But what I like to think about is what is the holistic brand that I want to present? And that should be who the investor meet. If you have never worn makeup in your life, don't wear false eyelashes in your first investor meeting. So, really, it's about what kind of CEO do I want to present to the world?”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You walk up to them and you say hi and you smile Honestly, what brings you here? My friend Alison Shapiro, who's a great speech coach. Her advice is all you have to say is what brings you here? Let the other person do the work. Don't overthink it. You do not need to give a Nobel Prize speech in your very first hello at a networking event. And the other thing I would say is if it's causing you that much pain, leave. I mean, the fact, I think a lot of us also think when we're entrepreneurs that if we leave the event, we're missing out on our big VC funding or our big seed round, you're not. If it's causing you that much internal pain, go home. Write some killer blog, get it placed, do something on LinkedIn, find your channel that works for you.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Team. I learned even though I'm an introvert and I love to be alone and I work alone and I have since 2006 that if I feel alone. I fail and I go hide under my covers and ignore and avoid. And that is death. Every successful entrepreneur knows if you avoid problems, they explode. So I had to learn that I needed someone early on and it was going to cost me money that I probably needed in other places to help me not feel alone. It was my partner who showed me an Excel spreadsheet and said You know what let's adjust the forecast we can do this I was a wreck I was having panic attacks and she showed me an Excel spreadsheet and it was okay so think about what makes you feel more in control and more held. It could be other people it could be advisors could be hiring staff.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Again, it's a skill. So I think that. Really narrowing down and practicing is really important. People make fun of having an elevator pitch, but I think all of us can agree that that's one of the hardest things in life to do. But you got to put that work in up front. And then once you know it, it's muscle memory. And you got it. You got it. And then as soon as you can, hire people around you, right? Hire someone who just loves to go out and schmooze, but don't ever think that the fact that you get nervous before you go talk to people and you want to throw up and you want to hide in the bathroom means that you can't be a successful entrepreneur because every successful entrepreneur feels that way.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You're better, right? And people respond to people who understand themselves, who have empathy, and who aren't fake. I mean, I think at the end of the day, people throughout this pandemic have been scared to pretend like things aren't a mess. But the truth is, we all know it's a mess. You can't pretend otherwise. And so I don't want to be led by someone who pretends like things are perfect. I have no trust in that person. No. And so a little bit of vulnerability goes a long way. Now you need competence. Amy Cuddy has done this research. Competence and vulnerability is the ideal mix of what people want to see in their leaders.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I have two answers. One is internal, when you know yourself, and you know that you can be vulnerable, you have self-awareness, and we have 40 years of data showing that emotionally intelligent people are better leaders. They just are. When you know what's going to set you off, when you know what makes you anxious, when you know that something's going to trigger your anxiety in a negotiation and maybe lead to a worse outcome, you're going to get a better outcome. because you're not going to get triggered as much. To me, it's just simple when you understand yourself.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A full on mess in front of the team. And, you know, the other thing this sounds silly, but we joke about doom scrolling on Twitter. Don't do it right before a big meeting. Don't let that fear into your workday. Protect yourself because it is scary out there.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The first thing is to acknowledge that you feel anxiety and that your team probably does too. And depending on the kind of team you have, you can say, wow, I'm feeling anxious. This is really hard. But you as a leader also need to remember that you need to create kind of a holding environment, right? So I think one of the things that leaders struggle with, but I think is okay to be a little bit vulnerable with is to say, oh my gosh, this is really hard. I don't know. I said this to my own team at the beginning of the pandemic when we lost 30% of our business overnight. They were all emailing me saying, am I going to have a job? And I said, I don't know what six months from now will look like, but your job is protected right now and you have my commitment that I will try the best I can. They knew I was anxious, but I also felt like it was my job as the leader of the team to not be a mess. And I think that every leader has to find that balance of being vulnerable and open and not denying reality.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Do sort of like a ratio. I have like a one to three ratio for every one Zoom I try to do three audio calls because I think it recharges people. They don't have to be on camera. They're more focused. You know, don't just put the old rules onto the new schedule, build and breaks, respect boundaries, etc.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think that a lot of people, especially at the beginning of the pandemic, when we thought it may not have been nine, ten months, just slapped the old routine onto Zoom. So if you had six meetings a day in the office, all of a sudden you had six on-camera meetings. And I think what a lot of people don't realize is that, and you'll understand this, a Zoom meeting is really a performance, especially if you're talking. If you're not talking and you're on Zoom, you're actually more likely to become disengaged and depressed. So Zoom is often draining for everyone, even introverts. There was a lot of articles about all the introverts are so happy. They sit in their PJs all day. And no, we feel disconnected too because we're all just out there performing on Zoom wondering what the social cues are, sort of fake connecting and not getting any real energy back. So my first piece of advice is to do less Zoom. It's not rocket science.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But we all get it I like the idea very much of giving someone something useful, whether it's an article, whether it's a quick check-in, and then seeing if there's a chance to connect more deeply. And sometimes you have to wait. You know, it takes a long time for relationships to build. I've lost many clients and I've said to my team, they'll be back. Let's be good to them. Let's not write that crummy email that we all want to write because they'll be back.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think that the first thing to get over is a sense of shame or embarrassment that you're reaching out. So many people feel that they shouldn't have to ask for help, right? Especially, you know, if you're trying to make it on your own, you think, oh gosh, why am I doing this? I shouldn't be asking for help. You have to get rid of that because if you're going to be an entrepreneur especially, you have to get used to asking people for help and especially now in the pandemic. We all need a little help, right? No one's going to do it alone. have in your mind that this is a good thing to do, but also give to receive. I think that the thing that people who get overly overwhelmed by the idea of I have to be networking do is that they reach out right away with too big an ask. You know, they're asking someone to marry them when they haven't even been on a first date.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Not only will you build your network and it will come back to help you in terms of your business, it will make you happy.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Send an email, create content. The other thing that I will say, and this comes to anxiety, the act of getting out of your head and saying something nice to someone else, it changes your mood. This is actually scientifically proven. So if you find yourself stewing in a bit of anxiety right now, About the future and who isn't Write an endorsement for someone you respect on LinkedIn. It will change your day.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So I force myself and I've created methodologies, so ten touches if you are an introverted or socially anxious person, but you want to keep building that network, keep building that business pipeline every week think of, and it doesn't have to be 10, it could be five, it could be seven people in your extended network. These are weak ties, right? This is not your best friend. This is someone who you did a project with three years ago. This is someone who you just, they popped up on your feed in Facebook and they've had two kids and they've changed jobs. Send them a note, right?”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Even more so during the pandemic because you can't get physically out. So I must admit the 10 touches I stole from my husband who is a wonderful extrovert and has a skill of, I mean, he still talks to people from first grade. He's that kind of guy. You know, he has an incredible network. I am not that kind of person because I'm an introvert with social anxiety. I may call my best friend on the phone and think that she doesn't want to talk to me. Every time I reach out to a client, I want to hang up because I'm anxious.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I still have a day job. Let's be clear. But I like that. It's sort of my creative outlet. I actually coined the term entrepreneurship porn in an article in Harvard Business Review, I think, in 2013 when I wrote about the idea that entrepreneurs had to be tireless, charismatic, always on, on the cover of fast company magazine. And in fact, that most entrepreneurs weren't like that. And it sort of went viral. Like people really resonated about it. And that's when I started thinking that people really wanted to hear. And you know this because I listen to your podcast, another side of what it's really like to run a business.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Think it's a legacy of our sort of model of command and control leadership, right? Where we were taught that a leader was very much a salesperson who sort of stood up and held the room, often a white guy in a suit. But the thing about it is you can learn how to hold a room. It's a skill. It's a total skill. It's like learning how to run a meeting. It's like Excel. When you love what you do and you have passion, you can absolutely learn to talk about it in a way that compels people because you're authentic.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No. They're not always quiet. Introverts can be funny. Introverts can be president. Like there's so many misconceptions, I think, about what an introvert is. And I think you and I are both kind of gabby introverts, right? I think that we're still working through it. There's no blood test, right? So it's not like you can say, I'm a type A introvert. You know it if you're someone who walks into a hotel lobby and if the music is loud, the lights are loud, there's people everywhere. It's just a lot of stimuli. And then you have to go to a day-long's worth of meetings and you like, no, this is exhausting.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yep, that's all it is. Happy introverts who don't have overwhelming social anxiety. We can talk about that in a minute, need to manage their energy. I always say Oprah, huge introvert talks about it all the time. It's not about can I hold the room? Am I funny? Am I shy? It's just about managing your energy and building in less stimuli, more alone time.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's all it is. I think we overthink introversion. I mean, I've been in a room when you've held the stage of thousands of people. It's like a tent revival. You have got that room. But my guess is after a summit or a big show, you're like, leave me alone.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Anxiety. I have lots of different kinds of anxiety. And it was really hard for me to be an entrepreneur. And I needed a roadmap, but there wasn't one. So I decided to try to make one.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I have two jobs, which is actually great in a pandemic, I guess, if you're anxious. Women online is a company that I started nine years ago, and we've always been virtual. We've never had an office. We are a team of sort of badass internet pioneers who create digital campaigns that mobilize women for social change. We've worked on three presidential campaigns and for some of the biggest change makers in the world, people like Malala, Yousafzai, and the UN. And I'm so proud of the work that we do because it all comes from my early life as a blogger, frankly, when I realized that the sheer act of someone going online and saying something that was their truth from their heart was powerful, right? And so that's what we do. We bring women together, we create content, and hopefully make some good change. I created the Anxious Achiever because I have clinical.”
2020-12-23 · How I Built This with Guy Raz · How I Built Resilience: Morra Aarons-Mele of Women Online · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT