YouSaid · the spoken record

Paul Assaiante

lines on the record: 78
first: 2023-12-12
most recent: 2023-12-12
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“Not judging you here. I didn't judge you then. You know, we're all human, but we're still in the game together, and that's a beautiful thing. And that, I see as a real gift. It's touching back and saying, hey, we're cool. And so, but in terms of answering your question directly, what do I see back then? Life is hard they all go out there and they all get beat up like we all do and just being engaged and connected through it Like we were when we were together here is a gift. And as I am getting ready to go off into the sunset, so to speak, I can honestly tell them that I received more than I gave, and I want to thank you for that time that we shared. And you, as you get older, you'll see the truth in that.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They usually apologize, and I'm not looking for an apology, but she's coach. I'm sorry I was such a jerk back then, or I didn't, you know, I always think of it as the Mark Twain quote, you know, when I was 15, I couldn't believe what a fool my father was. And when I was twenty five, I couldn't believe how much he learned in ten years. You know, circling back with fellows that, you know, why were you drunk at ten o'clock on a Wednesday morning? What were you running away from back then? And they have a tendency to almost be a little sheepish or embarrassed about it. And those little light touch calls, it's okay.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, like a marriage. In a marriage, what you're doing is you're building experiences together, births and deaths and fights and illnesses. And it's not all just the happy vacations that you took. And it's true here as well it's we shared some hard times and that level of respect that came out of it. One of the most interesting things, so now that I'm retiring, I make it a point to reach out to one person today that I haven't spoken to in a long time and just say, hey, how you doing? And one of the things that I have been finding recently is For the young people that we struggled with Now that they've had time to”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, in terms of my coaching, I have found that for the players with whom I share the most difficult times, our relationships are much deeper and richer.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But they need to know why. Why did we get to here? And so as captains, particularly on the track of ultimate leadership, I want them always to know this is, you know, I know the team is upset with me, but this is what I was thinking. And I don't know, we may be very different in this way, but I'm sort of like the bug that scurries along the top of the water. I probably have short interactions with dozens and dozens of people in a day. And I make sure those interactions stay brief. Don't want to go too deep on any one because that's time and I don't have the time. So I'm making sure people are okay. I'm skimming along. Obviously if there's a problem, I'll take a deep dive with that person. But mostly I'm just a surface skimmer. And I find I can talk to a lot more people in the course of the day that way.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yet every day the gap between my age and their age gets wider. And so it's very important that I remain relevant and understand where they're coming from. I don't really care what Taylor Swift is singing about tomorrow in Seattle, but I got to know. I got to keep up with that stuff. And the captains keep me engaged in ways so I, hey, Joe's having a hard time right now. All right, great. Let's figure that out. I've got to filter what's real and not real and what's important and not important, but that's a factor. The other reason is as a leader, I have only one obligation to them. Well, I have two. One, I need to make sure they're always safe as best I can. But the other obligation I have to them is as future leaders in this world, they deserve to know what goes into every decision. I have no expectation that they're going to like it, agree with it. It's not important.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Two things. The captains are sort of the telephone line between the team and myself. And so I need to know what's going on. I need to know how they're thinking, how they're perceiving things. Particularly as I've gotten older, you know, most people in business work with people of varying ages and they go through life shifting and changing. In my world, I'm working with the same age constituency all the time.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You have a tree that's bent to the left and you want the tree to grow straight, you don't tie the tree straight, you bend it to the right and then the tree finds the middle. I think we have to share all perspectives and let the kids make up their own minds.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I don't know what this person's views are going to be about things. And how is that going to affect that person's experience here on campus? And, you know, it's this whole continuing theme that we realize we're more like each other than we are different, but we need to address both sides of it so that everybody comes out of here richer and wiser and more. One of the things that Shane, and I know we don't talk about politics on this show, but we're so far apart on all of these issues. And in the world of education, we tend to focus on one side, and we don't seem to offer the other side very much. And I think we have the obligation to do that. My father called it the Green Tree Theory.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And we went there, and he said, Guys, my request of you is don't go anywhere where people are drinking. Something can explode on us. Now obviously there was no incident, there was nothing, but I thought that was particularly powerful that that came out and it was conversed about in a way that said we're concerned and we want to make sure you're safe. I had a young man coming to Trinity many years ago from South Africa. Two days before he arrived, I got a call from one of the people in one of the offices here, and she said, Coach, I have to ask you a question. I said, all right. She said, is that person white or black? I said, I don't know. And I said, But why are you asking that question? And she said, Well, there is apartheid there.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And they may get invited to the same party, but they're not of that class. And so we're constantly talking about the differences and the similarities. And the more they recognize the similarities, the easier the journey is. We went through 9-11, the world went through 9-11, but we're not that far from New York City. And many of the kids on this campus at the time had friends, family, neighbors, knew somebody involved in that crisis. And I will never forget the president of the college called me and he said, because remember it was just being streamed, constantly being streamed, the pictures of the terrorists. And the pictures of the terrorists, there was headdresses or certainly of that part of the world. And he said, I want your team to come to my house tonight.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And we sat down and we talked about why we got to here, how are the religions different, how are they similar? I consider myself a Christian. I'm not particularly holy, but, you know I'm taught that Christ gave up food for forty days and forty nights, so I will make the ultimate sacrifice and I'll give up Eminem or Oreo cookies for forty days and forty nights. But now we have our boys on the team that are involved in Ramadan. Well, that's pretty similar length of time. Maybe these religions are a little bit more like each other than they are different. Let's talk about that. that you reach a level of comfort and at least understanding. One of the other big differences on this campus is socioeconomic. We have some very wealthy kids on this campus, the one presenters and most of our boys on the squash team are on financial aid. They don't have very much at all. And that makes them feel less about themselves.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And let's do this in the best way possible. Now, when you're born into a family, you don't choose your brother, but he's there. And so now you've got to develop a meaningful relationship with that person. And we talk about that every day. The religion thing turned out to be the biggest difference of all. And it blew up in my face one day. I just figured like Pollyanna, everything was perfect. Everything was great. Look at how wonderful we are. And one day there was a dispute in the cafeteria involving a couple of Muslims and a couple of Hindus. And it ignited like a forest fire. And I thought, whoa, we need to address this because the way that this blew up, it's so distorted that this is a big deal.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, we have, thank you. We have a tremendous amount of diversity here in the program. Last year we had 11 different countries on the team represented. And that is a large number of different religions. And so we have Hindus and we have Muslims and we have Zorastians. And on the first day of practice they're all sitting next to each other and I say to them These are your brothers and now you have to develop a level of empathy, understand the”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So that comes back to the very beginning purpose. Why are we doing what we're doing? Where is this getting us to? Last night we were in the kitchen and my daughter was doing something with a butter knife which could have been potentially. Dangerous, and I raised my voice and she turned to me and she said, Why did you raise your voice? And I said, because that was going to potentially become a problem. I had to stop the train. Now later on we can talk about why you were doing what you were doing and we can hopefully get better. But I thought it was really adorable that she said, why are you raising your voice? Because we've talked about the fact that that just doesn't get you anywhere.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and obviously we're all like that, right? But if you're trying to teach your children to be better, The role, you know, the old saying, I'm sorry, I can't hear what you're saying your actions are speaking too loud. That's really true. So I lost my temper there, I'm sorry. That wasn't an okay way of communicating. And now when they lose their temper, see it's not okay. It wasn't okay for me and it's not okay for you. So let's try to be better.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that's a great transitional understanding that they're just people doing the best that they can. And I think as a leader, it's important to share with them your humanity. Because then if I'm human and I'm teaching, I'm not on a mountaintop. I'm not judging you. I'm right in here with you. But I'm seeing some behavior that you need to consider is maybe not helpful.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Not everybody can do this, and not everybody should do this. I am very open with, I share my humanity all the time. You know, I medicated on for depression. They know that. I let them know that. I don't want them looking at me like some other worldly creature. This guy's as human as they come, and I appreciate his humanity. And I'm going to appreciate yours, and I'm going to treat you with respect, and we're going to try to improve. But I think sometimes one of the things that you notice when you go to college, right, is you go away and Mr. and Mrs. Parrish enabled you to go to college. And then you come home and one day. They're just Sue and Tom. They're just people.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I try to do it in a way that they don't feel like I'm judging them. Just say, look, this is my observation. This is what just happened. What were you thinking? Where was the cream in the Oreo cookie? Why did you react that way? You know what? This age group needs to be right all the time. There's nothing wrong with letting somebody else be right. Even if you don't agree, just let them win that little conversation and we can move forward. Instead of feeling like you have to fall on every debate, it's really about the human interactions and how you're sharing with them in non judgmental way. The other thing I have found that's been very helpful.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, no much less now There's lack of ownership, so if I don't own an outcome, why would I take the time to beat myself up about it? You know it's funny as a coach if a team or a person fails The finger points at them. Or so in other words, if I fail, my finger points at me. But if I fail twice, the finger points at the coach. If this isn't going well, it's your fault. And in this generation coming out now, and I talk to companies about this all the time, if I'm not earning $300,000 at the end of the first year, there's something wrong with the company. Well, maybe not. Maybe that's not the real problem here. And so ownership is super important. And if mommy and daddy are going to run around. Making sure that you're not failing, how do you own that?”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so I internalized his well intentions incorrectly. And so I think it's hard to understand or find out how a young person internalizes what it is we're sharing with them. And I think you need to be pretty sophisticated in watching their behavior afterwards, because that will really tell you how they internalized it”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“My father managed a factory, the most wonderful human being I've ever known. He would walk across a wet field and leave no footprints. He was just a gentle soul. That said, I think he greatly enjoyed whatever successes I was having. For me, I think it was really for me. I don't think he went to the country club and bragged. We didn't belong to a country club. But every time something would happen, some level of success, he would say to me, what's next? So what's the next goal? What are you striving for? We're going to go for another national championship. How's it look for next year? And if finally at about the age of 60, I said, Dad, what's wrong with just? Sitting here and letting this feel good and thinking about it for a little while. I don't want to worry about what's next. What's next will happen? We'll get there.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That you're disappointed in them. Hey, that's a tough one. We'll catch up in a little bit. And then the teaching happens on the other side of that. And it's true in all human engagement. We'll be in a difficult conversation and you just have to get to the point where you say, we're just going to have to agree to disagree here. And let's circle back a little later. And as the temperature is rising and the voices are getting louder, there's that wonderful saying the louder you speak, the less that I hear. That's really important. And how we internalize the communication given to us by the people supporting our life journey, my parents were fabulous. I was so blessed. And yet so much of what they said and did I internalized incorrectly. My grandfather was a shoemaker, came over from Italy.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's everything. I can't tell you how many fights I've gotten into with players I went over to coach them after a loss or a bad moment, and they resist. I mean, they dug in because they're in their temperature is way up. These are nice kids, but they're going to fight me at that moment. So I learned early on that's not the time to do any teaching. Now, the other thing I learned the hard way was I learned, oh, now's not the time to talk to Tom. He's very upset. But I still need to go over to him and put my hand on his shoulder and say that was a tough one. Because if you don't do anything like that, they think you're angry at them.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I have come to the understanding that all I want to do is share messages, things that I've learned mostly from failures and mistakes, right? So that's where what we're in the business of doing now, you and I and others like us. And yet I am basically an introvert. At the end of the day, I don't want to talk anymore because all we're doing all day long is talking, but you have to. If you're going to be messaging, then you signed up for that and you've got to share the messages. And there's a non-critical constructive way.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, the outcome that's not going to go well. So let's talk about why you're resisting this. What's happening? Let's just keep talking about what's happening. Being present, why did this happen? That's great. Or, you know, gee, that didn't work out. Let's talk about why, how. Did we bite off more than we could chew? Or is this just beyond our scope? But again, it's talking, talking, talking. It's interesting as a coach, you know, 25% of the student body leaves every year. So what I have to constantly repeat, constantly repeat. And it is the repetition of the constructive things that need to happen all the time. My purpose in life is messaging.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think you just have to be omnipresent and communicating. Don't get swept away into what's happening around you. Celebrate the failures. What just happened? That's amazing. So you just build your ice cream on this sidewalk. So let's clean it up and let's talk about how did that happen? I mean, that's a tiny little thing, but I've got a granddaughter who's learning how to drive and she doesn't want to listen to her parents giving her instructions.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It is, and it's because fear of failure is a gigantic not measuring up unrealistic goals. And a lot of that is the social media. The cell phone is the seventh gate to hell. There's no question in my mind because everything is perfect. Know these young people will take 80 pictures of themselves post the one that's best someone else is looking at that picture feeling less about themselves”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Now we have all of these mental health issues as a result. Well, not as a result. It's one of many reasons why we're wrestling with mental health issues. But I heard of statistic recently that 47% of college students are in therapy. Now on one hand, that's a very healthy thing. That means people are in touch with their feelings and they don't view getting help as a negative thing. But wow, how did we get to there?”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That my child learned confidence through the activity, and my child learn how to play nice in the sandbox. So he's got these six things on the board. And he looks back at the crowd and he says, okay, now my question to you is, where did you collectively lose your minds? It was like, whoa, that's intense. But he was right. We went off the path because all of a sudden now we were looking to make sure this child achieved certain things, hopefully for themselves, but probably so that we could go to the country club and brag a little bit about that child's performance or activities. Well, we're not letting them fail. We're paving the way for them to succeed now, but I will guarantee you to fail later.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's the end game or it should be not what college you went to or did you go to college? I had an opportunity to do a panel with the world renowned doctor Jim Layer and he is just a rock star and we were on the panel and he had a blackboard or a whiteboard and he said all right and only he could get away with this he said I want you to raise your hand and tell me the big three when your child was born what were the big three that my child you count all the fingers you count all the toes that my child was healthy that my child was happy okay so we get three things on the board now he says your child reaches a certain age and you you now register your child to do an extracurricular activity whatever ice skating football playing the oboe Being in a play, what were the big three?”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because you're the reason it's a pressurized society. And now we've got to come to grips with that. Well, the headmistress was running around. She was nervous that I was offending all of these wealthy people. And at the end of my speech, I got a standing ovation because people were so happy that I was talking to the person sitting next to them. We live in a world without mirrors. We're not able to look and say, wait a minute, how am I hurting my child's development to become a better member of society?”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Now little boy walks by the window and says, Mom, I'm going to the lake. She sprints out of the house, lathers em up with suntan lotion, puts swimmies on him, and probably even goes to the lake with him to make sure he's safe. That's, I mean, it's a comedic line, but it's pretty true. And so not that long ago I had to speak to a group of parents in Greenwich, Connecticut, and the topic was raising balanced children in a pressurized society. So I got up and I said, How many of you have seen a few good men and everybody raised their hand? And I said, Well, I'm afraid you can't take the truth”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And then the parents come flying in, what's wrong? How did the people supervising your journey let you down or fail you? It just breeds this continuation of it's okay to fail. What happened? Let's analyze this. Let's try to do better. That's not really happening right now. And so in the name of love, we're letting this generation down. I heard a comedian recently, and he was saying, when I was a little boy, and I hate that when I was a little boy, you know, I'd walk 12 miles in the snow to go to school. Well, I didn't have to do that. But, you know, I remember someone, he said, when I was a little boy, I'd go up by the house and my mother be in the kitchen. And I'd say, mom, I'm going down to the lake. And she'd say, okay, son, don't drown.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“She fell on her bum and we said yay she gets up, wipes herself off, and walks away. It actually starts that early. Again, as parents or coaches or educators or leaders What just happened? Let's talk about that a little later. Did we prepare well? Were we ready to go? Was our opponent just too good for us? Did we lose the bid because the other company was offering a better opportunity? I think we need to recognize that we must fail to learn and grow and improve. So I'm working at a college. People come to the door now. They look more put together than they've ever looked before. And yet the first time they face adversity they fall into a million pieces.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I am very concerned for this generation of young people because we as adults in their lives will do anything, and it's human nature, but we'll do anything. To help them not experience discomfort. We'll do anything to make sure they don't have to go through pain, and it's through the pain that learning occurs. And so in the name of love, we hurt young people's development. And I think one of the most important qualities to success in the human being is resilience. And the only way you can become resilient is to fail. We have to let them fail. And listen, and I have failed in this, I'm not preaching that I've done this all right. I haven't, but I'm trying. Our little one would be walking down the hallway in her diaper. Then she would fall on her bum. If when she landed on her Heini, we went She would look at us and cry.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so, and that's whether it's elation or depression or anger, all of those things take away our ability to just be cognizant of what's happening and what adjustments do I need to make. I would hazard a guess that That in the world that we live in, finance, teaching, whatever, very precious few people can say I was at the mountaintop because it went exactly as I planned. It doesn't it won't You know we talk about mental rehearsal as a way to prepare for an activity That's important But you know what else is believing going in this is not going to go the way I thought it was and I need to recognize what are those things happening and what adjustments do I need to make It's really whack a mole. Life is really just the big game of whack-a-mole.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So that's how I see emotion and in game adjustments are one of the keys to life. We can prepare all we want. We can be so ready, but when we go in, something happens and now you have to adjust on the fly. That's what successful people are able to do. I'm going in to ask a person for money in my fundraising role. I go in, I have to be able to read the body language almost instantly. This isn't going well. This is going in the wrong direction. This doesn't seem to resonate with that person. I'm going to adjust. Doesn't matter how many hours I put in in preparation. I've got to be able to adjust. Now, if there is emotion present, I don't recognize that. Not able to see the adjustments that need to be made. And so again, emotion is not your friend.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They've learned over time how to that they can affect the outcome through that behavior at the time. I caught myself. I had a one of my learned behaviors if somebody told me that I had done something, I instantly apologize. Whether I did it or not, I instantly apologize. You know what that learned behavior did? It stopped the anger. It stopped the conversation. You can't, you know, because, oh, you just told me that I did something wrong and I said, I'm sorry, you're going to beat me over the head about it. We're going to move on to the next. But that's not necessarily a good behavioral trait.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because it was addressed in non emotional times not at the moment. Now, obviously, if there's something that is about to happen where danger or someone is going to get hurt, well, then you have to stop it. But there's no learning going on there You're just simply triaging the moment. The learning happens on the other side of it. You can point it out. You lost your temper again. Please stop. And then later on, do you remember what happened last night when we were? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. It's incredible how you can break the cycle and this learned behavioral thing is interesting because if you become a scientist in terms of observing human behavior, you see that exactly, so why do some people raise their voice and yell? Because they've learned over time that's the way to.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If a child bites someone and use again, this can be a metaphor for a million different things because it's a learned behavior. If a child bites someone and you come in at that moment, and this is what our parents used to do, we're going to stick mustard in your mouth or we're going to bite you so you can see how painful that is, nothing gets learned. And so what we would do with Emma is we would say during the day when there was nothing going on driving to the mall, you know, Emma, biting is really a bad thing. It hurts people. Oh, yeah, Dad, I don't want to talk about it. No, I understand. And then we'd bring it up again and we'd bring it up again a couple of times through the course of the day, repetition, repetition. She stopped biting within a week.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You don't ignore it at the moment, but you do address it at the moment in a non-confrontive way, and you come back and talk about it later. The best analogy, and we kind of stumbled into this, one of my children was a biter. And in daycare, you know, we get a call, oh, you know, so-and-so bit somebody.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, first of all, it's got to be presented in a way that doesn't come across as being judgmental. I have three young daughters, which I've been given a second chance in life, and how lucky am I. My older daughter, my twelve year old, is very reactive to things, and when she reacts to something. usually anger toward her younger sisters, I'll say you just reacted. I'm not upset. I'm not raising my voice. I'm just sharing with you that that happened. Just be aware of it. That's not the teachable moment because once you bring that in, now there is going to be a motion on her side. Oh, Daddy's angry me. He's rejecting something, whatever. And then you've got a problem.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's what we need to do. We need, especially with young people. And it's very hard right now with Instagram and all of these things in our phones because everything is short snippets now and everything is going on fast and we don't really stay with the thought for very long. It used to be that you could coach your team for 30 minutes and then you needed to take a breather. That is way, way shorter. Again, thoughts, action increased the gap of time, eat more Oreo cookies. So that's my analogy.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Have we just done? We've just doubled the amount of time between thought and action. That's a good thing. All right, because now we're less likely to act on a thought that may have been a bad thought or a knee-jerk reaction. The goal is to increase the gap of time between those two. How many of you watched the Academy Awards when Will Smith went up and smacked Chris Rock in the face? That dude had no cream in his Oreo cookie.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Thoughts. In the course of the day, we have thousands and thousands of thoughts. Many of them are not very good. And then the other wafer is action. So you have thought and action. So here we've got these thoughts going on, and then we act. What is the cream in the middle? The cream in the middle is time. There is a period of time measurable between thought and action. Now I want you to take the wafer off of one cookie and the wafer off of the other cookie. And I want you to put the two Oreos together with the cream.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, life lessons through Oreo cookies. We live in a very angry society. We live in a society now where people are, if you're not on my team, then you're the enemy. There's no middle. The middle is sort of gone away. And so when I'm talking to young people, I talk to them about life lessons through Oreo cookies and I stand up and they see my big belly and I say, well, obviously I love Oreo cookies. So let's talk about Oreo cookies. And as a metaphor for life and I say, how many of you have ever been in a car when somebody is in road rage? That's not a safe place to be, is it? No, it's scary. Get away from that person. I'm going to give you two Oreo cookies. Put one down. I want you to take that Oreo cookie and stand it on its edge. All right, now you're looking at that Oreo cookie. This wafer represents”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's pretty much who Tommy is. What's wrong with that? There's nothing wrong with that. Celebrate your C student Tommy, for all the other wonderful things that they have. Don't do that, we were so driven by goals. And sometimes those goals don't work for who we are. And I think that's, well, we're going to hire tutors and we're going to do the SAT 17 times. And we're going to...”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And to be an empath, you need to be able to put yourself on the other side of the desk and understand where that person is coming from and how you can help and influence them and inspire them and get them to be the best version of themselves. And in terms of the best version of themselves, perfection is the enemy of the good. And as I age and I get closer to the finish line, that becomes so much more clear to me. You know, I'll be speaking to a group of parents and their focus is getting their child into the best school possible because I'm usually talking to that age group. And my feeling is if Tommy is a lovely young person, he looks people in the eye, he shakes their hand, he's character large. A good human being, kind and gentle He prepares well for things, but he's a sea student.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I like that a lot. You know, I'll be invited to speak to a company. And it's usually at a retreat. And the CEO will get up and say, This is what we did third quarter. This is where we are in the fourth quarter. These are our goals in the first quarter. And then I get up to speak and I say, well, that's, I'm sure that's super important, but I don't necessarily agree with that. I think if you take care of your people, they will take care of the scoreboard. If you focus on the scoreboard, you're going to fail. I have never seen an athlete performing in any activity where they're running around with a scoreboard clicker in their hands. They're focusing on the nuts and bolts, the tasks at hand, and as a leader, I think the single most important quality you can have is empathy.”
2023-12-12 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Paul Assaiante: Learning to Face Your Fears · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT