YouSaid · the spoken record

Sam Lessin

lines on the record: 134
first: 2026-01-15
most recent: 2026-01-15
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Yet, don't smell like shit, right? Like, it's like don't overpower it. You know, you shouldn't smell like you just douse yourself in perfume, right? Or cologne or whatever it is. But like you also shouldn't smell bad, right? And like, it's again, your scent should not be noticeable is almost the way I would put it, you know, in any direction. There's no advantage to that, basically what I would say.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because it works whether you meet them or not. Yeah. And again, it's one of those things where here's the thing. People are dumb. If you go around saying, nice to see you to everyone, they're like, there's a small percentage this person doesn't remind me who I remember who I am. And there are other ways or like that's okay. Like that's part of the etiquette dance to some degree is like that's fine. What's not fine is it's so nice to meet you and like we've met six times.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Again, Lenny, you and I probably use this all the time, I bet, because I honestly, again, we go by nameface or whatever. It's really difficult social situation to put someone in. Just think about from their perspective. If you go up to someone and say, hey, it's really great. It's great to meet you. And you're like, we've met five times. It's quite embarrassing, right? And for them, for you, for everyone. So the more I like Love, in fact, my wife of many, many years of data since college. And I basically did a nice to see you line, right? Because, and I very clearly couldn't remember if we had met before. And we had. And she remembered. And so for me, this is an important one, right? To keep in mind.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Maybe I want to talk to them again, right? Now, going up and being like, I need your email address and phone number, it's like, no, let him offer it type of stuff, I think matters.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I mean, there's so many ways. I mean, there's a bunch of tips about, I think generally famous evil. But, like, I think there's this thing which is not being sickophantic is what I basically say. But also not being ridiculous is almost the way I would frame it in this conversation, right? Which the ridiculous is like if you go up to Mark Zuckerberg and everyone knows what he looks like and who he is, you're like, hi, I'm Sam and who are you? You're like, what are you doing? It's like ridiculous, right? On the other hand, going up and being like, you're the most important person I've ever met is wrong, right? And so there's a way to just, again, it's about grace as much as anything else, right? And recognizing that there are people and again, you're playing an iterative game and the best thing you can do is say, this is not my only, as much as it might actually be, this is not my only opportunity to meet Mark. And in an ideal world, when I walk away, I'm like, that was a pretty nice person.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oh, Eminem. Yeah, yeah. It's a great song. It's a great song Great beat. Every once in a while before a big presentation, you got to listen to it and pump yourself up, right? But actually, again, in terms of putting people at ease and building relationships and etiquette, even if in your heart of hearts, you're like, this really is my one shot, you kind of want to show up with the self-confidence and the calm of abundance, right? Being like, this is not going to be my only opportunity. This is an opportunity. I'm excited to be here. I'm engaged, right? This is part of the story. This is not the entire story. And I think if you kind of remind yourself of that, you remind yourself that it's okay to not know everything. You keep focusing on low heart rate, engagement, eye contact, you get so much the way there.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I've had this conversation with so many, and I think it's a uniquely American, and honestly, a uniquely Silicon Valley thing, right? I'll go so far to say that, which is, look, we're used to, especially if you're young and these are big opportunities or big moments, people are kind of used to this environment of scarcity. It reminds me of the Eminem song where he talks about a one-shot, one opportunity.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes. This is important. I mean, I think in the end of the day, like most interactions, let's prefer you meet someone you're really interested in or whatever. We're being transactional about it. What's the real goal? The real goal is to leave people in a position where they're like, wow, that was a really interesting person. I'd love to hear from them again or meet with them again. Or maybe even better every once in a while this will happen. It's like, wow, that's a really interesting person or idea. The person who walks across the room is like, hey, you really should talk to Lenny. Shut up to Sam. Like that's kind of like, you want to leave them being like, that's interesting. I like to continue this or expand it. Not I just heard this entire person's life story. I never need to talk to them again, right? And so I do think there's, you know, again, like leave them wanting more, right? I think is important. And that is partially about knowing when to excuse yourself gracefully as much as it is about when to enter.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Look, we talk a lot about matching vocabulary. You're going to meet a lot of different people. You want to make people feel good and welcome. You know, I'm not saying that you should walk into a room and start talking and jibe, but like I am saying if you're speaking to a university professor versus a 12-year-old, if they're using a certain level of vocabulary words, like again, the point is to meet people where they're at in a way that makes them feel relaxed and good, not try to like mirror them if that makes sense but there is a subtlety that I think really matters to it.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, consider all of it this way. Imagine you're playing ping pong, right? Or tennis or whatever you want, like hit the ball back, right? That's the question, right? And they'll hit it back to you. And then you hit it back to them, right? Like that's kind of what the flow should be. If you hit 10 balls at them in a row, or like, you know what I mean? Or like, you know, that's kind of like not the vibe you want to go for.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Four minute startup spiel and everything Ivan Tuna is like so self centered, it kind of misses the point that a conversation is a give and a get and it should be an exchange. And so when you go in with a mindset of I should ask questions, that's great. There is doing it too much, right? Which is when it's done in a forced way, sometimes I feel this. You'll meet someone and you feel like it's the inquisition or like all they're trying to do is extract information to you and giving you nothing in return, right? Like this happens sometimes. And so I think like, again, this is about balance. This is about low heart rate. I do think questions are a great tool to engage someone, but don't make it six questions in a row and make sure there's always in some ways a give to get, right? Like if you can come in, the best conversations are coming. Someone comes in and gives you an idea or has a point or sparks on you that you have. It's like a game of ping pong. Then you can kind of react to and it goes back and forth where there's openness and they're playing with you, not playing single player.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, I mean, on the conversation front, I mean, I think the key again is to welcome people into the conversation, like consider it, you know, especially you see this happen sometimes, especially when there's weird power dynamics at play, you'll see some famous VC or founder walk into the room and then some young startup person will like waylay them, right? And like kind of almost like flock them off, right? And they're like really excited to talk to this person, but you're like there's a bunch of people around and like the more you can be inclusive again low heart rate you're not like it's not a scarcity mindset. It's an abundance mindset like I think that's kind of like the tone to think about in terms of like what a conversation is and like how to how to show up in a room and meet with people um you know another really big one we we harp on a lot in the book in in kind of a bunch of the panels is like ask questions but there's a limit right so asking questions is great you're coming in says hey hey it's nice to meet you let me give you my”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“No kidding. I think part of my early attraction to the platform was it was the first time you walk around college and you're like, I know these people, I just don't remember their names. You're like, oh my God, there's a resource I can study, right? Like, and this was like a very valuable social thing for me. So I'm with you. I have the same problem I think a lot of people do.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Michelle, I want to introduce you, right? Or something like that. Something like that. Or I want to introduce you to Michelle. You look at them in the eye, right? And then your wife will be like, hi, I'm Michelle. Remind me your name or it's nice to meet you or whatever it ends up being. Look, I also Fortsworth, I actually have such a clinical problem on nameface recognition that actually runs in our family. I have this whole backstory, which is I worked at Facebook for a long time was really into it early on”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You let it hang, which by the way. It's a great example of the fact if you're really in tune socially, you kind of know what's going on, right? Like, you know what I mean? Like, you're not an idiot. Like, you know, oh, like, what is proper, what this person is doing, there's a gap between it. There's a reason. The reason is, but it's at least enough plausible deniability of like semi-bad etiquette that leverages the social situation to be a better etiquette, right? That it's a useful thing to think about as a small cue.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Good friends of his name, and like what you're supposed to do, the etiquette is say, Lenny, please meet my wife, Jessica. And like, that's, you know, that's kind of, here's the thing. This is where you start betting rules. What if I don't remember your name, right? If you have your partner with you, you can flip it around and say, Jessica, I want to introduce you. And then you kind of like can kind of figure out how to flame it up so that you then Lenny extend your hand and say, it's really nice to meet you, Jessica. And you get to pick up the name again, right? Or things like that.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, so like, look, this happens all the time. And again, in the spirit of I'm not permitted to this either, if you're with your partner, introduce them first, right? Bring them into the conversation. One great trick we talk about in the book, which I really unfortunately use all the time, right? Is this whole thing? Let's pretend you're with your partner or with someone who's a friend. It doesn't have to be romantic partner, whoever you're with. Going to forget someone's name, right? And what you really should do is all the time.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That one, it's really important again. I think the thing you're in mind is, especially in an age where everyone's used to being in front of computer screens and looking at six different windows at the same time, again, people are taking their time to meet with you or at a party. They're like taking their time to listen to you. And it's just a matter of respect to be like, I'm actually here in this conversation. I'm not off on my screen. I'm not like glancing around the room. Now look, there are some people, we all know this who are like literally quite neurodivergent, and that's very hard for them. Like that happens. And a lot of founders have like neurodivergence in some way. So like there is grace in this to a point, but it's a thing you should make at least an effort. I think one of the most important things about all this stuff is what matters in some ways is the signaling of the effort as much as the actual thing, right? I think it's a really big overarching theory. So it's like, look, if you're in trouble with this, but you're really trying, that goes a long way versus just being like whatever.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Do the opposite of what you're doing, of what you do. 100%. And I think this is like I've seen this with entrepreneurs. I'm a VC. I do get scheduled in like 30 minute chunks back to back all the time, especially on Zoom. Guess what? I am frequently late. I don't feel good about it, but it happens, right? And a lot of times founders, most of the time I'd say, founders know that like if I'm late, I will always apologize. I'll try to email them ahead, et cetera. But then it is what it is. And we kind of get right into it every once in a while. You'll have some founder who is super indignant about it, right? They're like, oh, they're like this. And you're like, it's fine if you feel that way, but it's really not very productive to make a big deal out of it, right? Like if this is a deal breaker for you that I was a few minutes late, then like I don't, now I feel like I'm wasting the next 25 minutes of my meeting time because like I'm not like, this is going to be the wrong dynamic, right? And so I just think there's like, don't, don't harp on it. It's okay, you know?”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That we talk a bunch about in kind of is look you want to have a strong handshake firm don't crush the person's hand again this is not you know practice on your friends right you know you want to repeat names back is a really really valuable thing to think about what you're meeting someone say hey Lenny it's great to meet you right why it shows that like you're actually trying to remember the person's name right like a lot of times people meet a lot of people it's like nice to meet you you move on first it's gonna be harder for you to remember the person's name Second it actually shows like you're meeting them and making an effort, right? To actually connect and say, okay, I'm trying to focus on you. You're not just a number to me, right? You're not just a potential check for whatever it's going to be. So there's a bunch of things like that. I'm kind of curious, you know, we can go through a bunch more, but those are some of the ones I would think about.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, be early. That's the first one, right? Like, you know, again, I say this as someone who, I'll be honest, again, like hypocrisy, you know, I live with hypocrisy. I'm frequently not early, right? But you should be early, right? And you don't need to be half an hour early. That's a little weird. But, you know, making sure that you have some buffer time so that, again, think about low heart rate. If you come in racing in the room five minutes late, your heart rate's up. If you come in, you had a second to beat and take a beat in the waiting room. They kept you waiting, right? That's the dynamic, I think you want to cultivate. Now, if you're not late, I'm sorry, if you're not early, just apologize. It doesn't even be like a 515. It goes back to this heart rate thing. You could just apologize simply and move on. I've seen people screw this up so many times, right? When they come in flustered and all over the place, you're like, it's okay. We understand, right? So I think that's kind of another really kind of obvious one, but an important one. Something I've seen, I'll go for a few others.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I mean, again, like, I think the thing for us is I'm kind of a ship early chip often, guys. So V1, you should buy it now and study because it's good. And it's going to be like a limited edition. There's a bunch of the funny part about doing this is people come back with a bunch of other things we should cover, right? So I suspect that eventually this will evolve beyond it. But I think the good, you know, we're starting with some good stuff.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Sometimes none of this stuff matters, right? Like, if you just like it's literally like that happens, it happens very, very rarely, but it does happen. It is not what 99.9% of startups are doing. But if you have that, yeah, you basically can get away with anything. It is true. That doesn't mean you should. You shouldn't be a jerk and like handily over the course of history. You need to work with great people and you'll be more successful if you show up with good etiquette and rules in context. But like there are ways in which that can trump all. It's just like candidly not the experience of 99.9% of startups.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, it's just an unnecessary, you're creating an unnecessary uphill battle for yourself. I'd also say that look, this goes back to like technical differentiation where things are at. It is true that if you bring manna from heaven, right, like you invent something that is literally the next Google or whatever out of pure thought.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“If understanding these rules can be the difference between doing really well and missing a business deal, you know, if you show up with too high a heart rate and you burn a bunch of mild relationship opportunities, like I don't know why you wouldn't want these skills, right?”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You feel it in your bones. It's like you're young, right? You're in, you're at the Kleiner Perkins holiday party. You have all the venture capitals in the world and all the CEOs. You're your first company. You're young. Maybe you're from a different country. You're like, oh my God, like this is my shot, right? Like I have all these people I need to talk to and I need to convince this person of that and make this connection. It becomes very transactional. If you show up like a little energizer bunny, right, you're going to scare me off. Like you're going to project totally the wrong vibe. But I can understand why you'd be like a high intensity moment in a lot of ways. I think understanding how to show up, take a beat, come in with a mindset not of scarcity, but of abundance understand.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. This is the thing about a lot. Again, I think about you and I are now old people, right? But like you're young, I feel like.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I'm wearing a t shirt. I'm not exactly known as the most high etiquette personal, but I do know the rules, right? And I think that's kind of, it's fun and funny as well. And I think those things are both important.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know we talk about software getting commoditized, we talk about all this fear mongering and scared people feel about Silicon Valley and AI and like all the things that are going on, the net is if you want to do business and you want to do business and build great partnerships with team members with companies you want to do business with almost with anyone, the reality is etiquette ironically matters a lot right there is a deep truth to this right you especially when you're asked people to trust you with their data trust you with their business you know this and when technology is no longer some cute sideshow but it's like a major deal like people are worried about losing their jobs like understanding how to meet people where they're at build trust you know mirror kind of expected behaviors these are all like tools right and so that's the deep truth the shallow truth is it's kind of funny to teach Silicon Valley people etiquette right like the whole narrative for so long has been none of this matters just focus on your product saying well actually it does matter”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I really enjoy things at the intersection of hilarious and useful, right? You kind of need both, right? And hilarious just because you should have fun in life. We should be working on things that are fun and interesting. Also, candidly, if we're being more honest about it, like it's very hard to cut through the noise these days. So kind of you need humor as a great way to cut through it. Humor just for the sake of being funny is not that useful. Like there has to be a deeper shift to it. And so, you know, with this etiquette thing that we've gotten into, it started as many things to do with a tweet that got escalated into an event. It's gotten escalated into a book and a bunch of other stuff. I kind of believe that you should always, there you go. You got it with you. I've got my copy too. It's like there's a rule like, you know, you always want to just double down in life, right? And so I'd say like, why etiquette? Look, there's a serious real narrative to like, why etiquette matters in 2025 for fatters, almost 2026. Like one.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Kind of want to show up with the self confidence and the calm of abundance. This is part of the story. This is not the entire story.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You're at the Kleiner Perkins Holiday Party. You have all the venture capitalists in the world and all the CEOs. You're at your first company. You're like, oh my God, this is my shot. But I need to convince this person of that and make this connection. It becomes very transactional. If you show up like a little energizer bunny, you're going to scare boat off. You're going to project totally the wrong vibe.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Have a lot of really young people. They've been holed up in a room coding, and they show up encouraged by Silicon Valley to be in some ways abrasive on purpose. You want to be able to show up in a way where people like, okay, this is someone I can work with and trust.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I just feel like no one's being honest in teaching founders this. Be early. Don't order the most expensive thing on the menu. For a video call, an appropriate background. Don't smell like shit.”
2026-01-15 · Lenny's Podcast · How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley’s missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source