YouSaid · the spoken record

Shefali Tsabary

lines on the record: 47
first: 2018-05-09
most recent: 2018-05-09
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Yes. Yes, I always say the essential questions of life that we go out seeking. Our whole life, am I whole, am I worthy? Do I matter? I have clients in their 50s, in their 70s still asking for those questions to be answered, they're still looking, they're still looking.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So then we're just missing our children's innate. Innate wonder in their ordinariness, but we are not trained to be attuned to that. So we keep waiting for them to do a grand gesture, and then we see them.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Ourselves So, in doing that, unless they're winning the trophies and standing on the pedestals of glory, we will just completely not recognize them. Little realizing that it's in the ordinary moments of when they get up in the morning. And when we help them brush their teeth, and when they bend down to tie their laces, and when they stand up straight and look at themselves in the mirror, it's all these moment-to-moment instances. That call for connection. But we are not trained Now we've just glossed over the ordinary”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The ego says, because the ego roars with inadequacy and insecurity, the ego wants everything around it to be grand and idealized. So even with our children, we don't want them to simply be ordinary beings, fallible human beings. That's what we are. We want them to be the greatest manifestations.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Our children may grow up to be spiritual and find their way, but in the moment with them, we cannot expect them to be something that we are not willing to embody fully ourselves. So I had a father come in one day and he said, I wish my son was great at something. So I said to the father, and I take it, you are great at something. Are you great at something? So the father said, not yet. So I said, why don't you work on that? You know, your child has another 40 years to catch up with you. So why don't you work on your greatness?”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Every manifestation of that is an indication of where we yet have to grow. But the tragedy is that we would rather say there was something wrong in our child than say, I'm just too scared to step out of my ego.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, our unacceptance of our children's essence, whatever that is, even if they're difficult, God forbid, even if they're challenging or what we like to call as bad.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To wake up, to be the one who clangs the bells and says, hey, something is wrong. I'm willing to be the card bearer for that. I love the black sheep. I love the defiant child. I love the oppositional child because they are not willing to bow down and let me walk all over. They're not. They're going to say to the world, hey, until you fix what's wrong in our system, in our environment, I will keep falling apart. I will call you to that.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, yes. And it feels like nothingness to parents. And therefore they resisted only because we're so habituated to fix and produce and create and do and do and stay away from our center. All this is a call to enter our deepest selves. That's all I'm saying. But people get threatened by it because they don't want to look within because it's too scary a territory. It's a landscape they've never encountered. But how do we then meet our children's inner landscape if we don't know the signposts of our own?”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Every problem that you see in the external world, bullying, school violence, the drug problem are youngsters binging, cutting themselves, all of them are an indication of a betrayal of the self, of the inner voice that was never attuned to. So, not to place all this burden on parents, but to show them that they have this sacred responsibility, this great power, and all that needs to be done is a shift in consciousness. All that needs to be done is putting everything on the side and entering into being. I mean, that's all. It's the most profound and complex thing to do.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, you know, we're not waiting for this voice to emerge because we don't play stuck on it in our own lives. You know, that voice was stolen from us, so we just don't place value on it. We're not doing anything wrong. We're not mean or ill-intentioned. We just don't place stock on it.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“We do this all the time. Don't be scared. Why are you crying? You know, that's nothing to be scared. You're not fat. You're not ugly. You're beautiful. Smile. Go and say hello, go and kiss your aunt. She loves you. Don't you love me? Oh, we are just non stop. We don't even wait for that inner voice to emerge. You know, I have parents with children as young as three and four already handing them instruments, so I often ask them, you know, did your child say she wanted to play the cello or the trombone? And the mother will say, no, I decided that that would be a good fit.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And you empathize with your child for wanting what the egoic world says we should. Hold value on and have and empathize with them. But if you are unable to give that Instead of entering a place of guilt, if we could just enter a state of full on presence and say, I will compensate through my presence. Then that could be the most valuable gift you could give your child. Your child may not realize it then, but you are building his inner sturdy foundation”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because we have learned, we've been conditioned to fill our void with things. With all things beautiful, so we can feel whole and complete. And that's what we just automatically do with our children because we love sugar, we just think they're going to love sugar and we love gadgets. We're just going to think and presume they're going to love it too. So we just project whatever fills us is going to fill them. But that's not the case. Children don't come into this world longing for things. So we kind of create this world where now they're greedy and now they want diamonds instead of sticks and stones. And we've been moving there.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, just by a surrender, just by fully I get it. You know yourself more than me. All I have to do now is create the conditions for you to continue being aligned to you. That's my job.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, we always teach and speak about what we most need to learn. So, I have seen the rage of my ego and the force of my ego only since having my daughter. And because she not only has rubber on her skin, you know, some kids have tissue and they're more gentle. She not only has rubber, she has torpedoes. And she has clearly stated since the age of two or three that you will not Mess with my spirit. You will simply not enter my territory, and I will fight you if you do, such has been the roar of her spirit. And so it's tamed my ego.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So they will roar unless they're inordinately compliant, which is also not good, which is the death of the self, of the authentic self.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And you know how they tell us? They tell us because they don't practice. They tell us because they're not ready on time. They tell us because they forget their racket at home. And we just keep thinking, oh, they forgot their racket. Oh, I just need to get on them harder to practice. But our children are screaming, no, I have a resistance to this thing that you're imposing on me. Can you please hear me step back and tune in? Hey, you didn't listen to my whisper and now I'm going to roar.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, it's no one's fault. Everyone is striving towards consciousness. So is that child who is on drugs? So we do not reprimand that child who's on drugs. We are enter the as is. My child is now on drugs. But see it as a call and a striving to enter their deepest self. And perhaps wake up to where we may have missed the signposts along the way. What within us didn't connect to our child's call for help, to their plea for help?”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But it's not only because we're physically exhausted and financially drained, it's because we have been conditioned to be so attached to egoic agendas. So even if we are like, oh, I'm so sorry, I see that you're crying, we're thinking, why are you crying? You shouldn't be crying. Let's stop crying. Let's fix it. What can I do to fix it? We have this tape constantly in our worrying tape in our mind that keeps us from entering the moment. So our children more than any show us that unless we enter, we will betray them and they will manifest that betrayal. They will manifest that betrayal. They will either slip away from themselves, they will engage in other things to fill their inner void. They will show us their disconnect. They will show us.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Changed the way her daughter met her And how her daughter felt valued by her. How do we communicate worthiness to our children? Only through our presence, our full-on, engaged, attuned presence. It's so hard to be of empty mind and just meet where our children are.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And if you don't, we're all going to be in deep waters because it is terrifying. That's the message we give our children. It is terrifying to be without these external barometers of success. And so I have adults in therapy in their 40s and 50s terrified when they're facing bankruptcy or a divorce or life throws a curve at them because they believe they will be nothing. And they're so afraid to confront that emptiness. But little realizing that just beneath emptiness is the vast expanse of their spirit.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I just want my child to be happy. That's what people say. What does that mean? What does that mean? If we've affixed our sense of happiness to wealth and status and achievement and where you go to college and how you look. The minute one of those pillars topple, you're not happy anymore. So that's what most people are most afraid of. Underneath the external”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes We have driven our children into the state of madness, into the state of disconnect. We've beaten them down with this ideal of perfection that the A-grade makes them valid as students, valid as learners, and valid as human beings. Without the A-grade, they are invalid. And then we wonder why our children don't get up and bounce off to school because we've made them hate the process of learning now.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Did you do the best you did? Did you try your best And my daughter automatically says, you know, I tried my best. So what more can you ask? Did they show up to the best of their consciousness? Did they show up? And I don't even need an answer to that for sure. Every child shows up to the best of their consciousness.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You know, certainly as markers, but only as markers It's sometimes a marker for what you don't know. Sometimes it could just be a marker for what your teacher wanted to hear and you didn't give her. So it could be a moment in time. It could be a relapse of your presence in that moment. It could be bad test taking. It could be a failure of just bringing all your energy to that moment in time. It's a moment in time.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Or can we teach our children? You can be super successful if and only when you are attuned to your inner being and give that message constantly. My daughter never saw a report card till she was in fifth grade, till she demanded to see what other children were talking about because it was not part of the equation. When I speak to her teachers, they rarely pull out any tests because they know me by now. And we just talk about her as a spirit and how is she with friends and does she help and does she engage and is she alive?”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Absolutely. And it's just a disservice that we're doing to them. We are disengaging them from the learning process. They hate going to school. School has become this cutthroat competition. And we are part of this and we need to take responsibility for ourselves because we always cup out and say, you know, but the schools put pressure and then my kid will not feel good at school. The school does what the school needs to do. It's our energy that we need to curtail and take care of. And do we buy into this? Do we buy into this cultural flow that says we all need to achieve and be super successful in a prescribed way?”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“About that outcome, then they've lost the magic of the entire process. And we all tout and say that it's the process we care about and we care about our children being engaged learners.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because when we focus academics and learning and the wonder of curiosity and we pile it all into a letter grade and we teach our children that that's what the striving needs to be for”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Because we are projecting always how other people view us and how we want to be looked at in the eyes of others. So our children don't want to live those lives though. Our children want to be free of that. Our children want to discover their essence without the burden of having to please us all the time.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But when you come from your own connection to wholeness and when you come from your own striving for greater consciousness. You will understand that striving in your child. So even a mistake or a gross chaotic error that your child may make, you know, maybe they do, God forbid, smoke pot. You understand it for what it's telling you beneath the surface manifestation. You see their call for help. You see they're striving for wholeness because it's a mirror of your own striving. You don't see it as evil. You don't see it as anything that needs to be careful.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. So you're not entering the dynamic with this desire to fix control and produce because all those manifestations are of the ego. You're entering to align, to a tune, to create conditions for your children to thrive for sure, but never with the model that I am here to project my insecurities, my inadequacies, and my desires for greatness onto the child. So it's a separation of the egoic ideals to the essential ideals.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So let me qualify that because many people who first hear of this approach take it to mean some laissez-faire, crunchy granola, let your child just go crazy approach. On the contrary, this approach is a hands-on Fully present approach Constant, but you're bringing your full-on attunement and presence. So when I say you don't have to fix it”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Your child, and you can't really walk away and divorce them too fast. So, in this relationship, we are bound By sacred duty to look at our issues. And what bed of platform and to what greater service than to free our children from the burden of fixing us?”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes. So with every conflict with your child, with every argument, with every eye roll that your child engages in, you have an opportunity. To either step into your egoic control and power and dominance and hierarchy, or you have a chance to look within, ask what in me is being triggered, why am I reacting with this confused helplessness, this desire to seek control, and turn the mirror inward, ask what about me is my child triggering right now What about me? What about my childhood? What about my unmothered self? Is my child reflecting back”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, but I say this without judgment because I believe all of us are striving to reach a state of consciousness. And the state of consciousness is not a destination that has an end point. It's this constant uncovering.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“If you're not in charge, wild and chaotic for sure. So that is the old paradigm. And as long as we stay stuck in that old paradigm, that belief system, the false belief that unless tethered to authority, our children will not develop into the beings they're meant to be, then we will continue to see the dysfunction that we see in our world today.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Right, so we're entering with this premise that we need to be in charge because if we aren't in charge, then our children will become feral and run amok and burn the house on fire.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“This is where the ego and the essence come so intermingled in this journey. Yes, colloquially, we are in charge of our children and we are in control of them. We can hold that role to carry out the duties to keep them safe, to provide for our children. But in terms of meeting the spiritual essence of our children, we have to drop the role. We have to drop the hierarchy.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That is really what this book is about, that we have all begun living lives betraying our inner self. We've just divorced ourselves from this notion of wholeness. We believe we are incomplete, and it is this legacy that we keep passing on to our children.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Wake up at night. So the doing preoccupies you, but then you realize that in order to meet the spirit of the infant, in order to meet the raging tantrums of a toddler, you have to become into being, right? So the doing and the being are constantly colliding in this world.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, it's one of the most challenging tasks we can ever take on because parenting is this complex, it's the coming together of so many different worlds, of so many dualities. It's the nexus of the doing and the being. You got to do, you have to do. You have to enroll them in school, you have to go buy their diapers, you have to change their nappies. You have to”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, but we're coming from this state of scarcity, and we don't realize it, that this state of inadequacy and scarcity that we put on our children contours them into meeting our vision, but divorces them from who it is they are meant to be. So they never get to enter their own becom”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But the self that we haven't even become So we're calling on our children to represent a piece of us that hasn't even developed yet. And we placed on them the burden to fulfill our deepest longing. And that longing really is our own longing to enter wholeness. So that's what our children begin mirroring back to us. Mommy, daddy become whole, mommy daddy, see me the way you were never seen, perhaps. Mommy Daddy attuned to me. But how can we do that when we ourselves weren't attuned to?”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Definitely. As a parent, however, it becomes slightly different because the parent child relationship, I think, is like none other. It's like none other. Because what other relationship will bring you to the call of your ego, like the one you have with your child? I mean, children will trigger us like no one else because they are ours, my child. I will be a parent. I'm going to be the best mother. You know, we enter the journey thinking that our children will fulfill this idealized version of ourselves. And every time they do that, we applaud them. But every time they fall short of that, that's when we get triggered and we get activated. But what our children are really doing is showing us a mirror to our undeveloped self.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“A conscious parent is not one who seeks to fix her child or seek to produce or create the perfect child. This is not about perfection. The conscious parent understands that this journey has been undertaken, this child has been called forth. To raise the parent itself, to show the parent where the parent yet has to grow, this is why we call our children into our lives.”
2018-05-09 · Oprah's Super Soul · Dr. Shefali Tsabary: Conscious Parenting Can Change the World · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source