YouSaid · the spoken record

Thomas DeLong

lines on the record: 69
first: 2019-06-03
most recent: 2019-06-03
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Oh, it would be to love yourself love yourself. That's not going to work with asset management groups, but it's to be accept Accept yourself You're more than enough You're more than”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That listening is harder than I ever thought it was. And the more I listen and the less I talk except for the podcast, the more I learn. And I also have been an apologist for For being a person known to be kind. I've been embarrassed by that, and the older I get, the more I realize how hard it is to be kind, and I don't mean nice, I mean kind in the most fundamental way. And I wish I would have I wish I had been kinder to you. As a 21 year old.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, I think one was written by David Halberstam called The Children. And it was written years ago, but it's the story of seven kids who ended up going down, and one of those kids was John Lewis, who's now a congressman. But these were the freedom fighters, and they were 20 and 21, and they went to Fisk University to get training from Martin Luther King. And that's basically the first notion of leadership development. And then the second book I would recommend is Bruce Springsteen's autobiography. You won't put it down.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Playing Golden State Ball. In fact, I'll say that the Golden State Warriors are playing the Portland Trailblazer ball when Lionel Hollins and Dave Twardzick regards. That was a great, great moment.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“In nineteen seventy seven The Portland Trailblazers. 1976, one of those years they won. Bill Walton was this long-haired center. And the 76ers were up two games to none in the finals for the NBA Championship. And for some reason, my dad got tickets, and I flew from Purdue back there. And I was there when Maurice Lucas hit punched Daryl Dawkins, and I thought that wasn't the highlight. The highlight was that the Blazers won this thing.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Looking for gold just to watch the dynamics of these families. So that's a total waste. It's just, I'm totally blank. And when my wife talks to me, when I'm watching it, I can't hear a thing she says.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What else do I do that's totally worthless? I love watching some real inane television like the deadliest catch. I think it's out of this world. Or they used to have one about truckers going over frozen ice up into the Arctic.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Being on my Harley. Oh, yeah, the Harley. I haven't talked much about it. I sold it with these two new little children, but I've toyed with the idea and everyone says I'm crazy to do that, to have a Harley here in Boston, and I can see their point.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, I'm most proud of the five daughters that I've been blessed with, and the older three how they're contributing to society, and their perspective, and I always made it a goal as a parent. I thought I was a really good parent and a good father. I always said, what am I going to do so that they are psychologically, spiritually more healthy than I am? And I think I've achieved that. And by the way, I feel like the trend is up based on where my parents came from. I'm proud that I think I live a more curious life now. I think I have more questions than I've ever had. I'm embarrassed. How sure I was of this world I had all the answers at twenty six. I mean, I had this thing nailed. I had it nailed. I had it nailed and I'm just embarrassed to think about.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Coming to HBS, what am I going to do today to honor the dreams of younger faculty who need to be mentored? It's more, it's back to Keegan's work. It's what do I need to do today so at the end of the day I feel good about who I am. Again, that's based on getting stuff done and crossing it off our list. So that's a mistake. Another mistake is I wish I would have helped my brother earlier with his challenges. And it's easy to just discount. I'm sounding too callous. It's easy to be distracted.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oh, I'll I see my divorce. Here's a guy who studied organizations, studied relationships. People pay me money to go around and talk about it. I don't see a mistake. But I see it as a failure. And I know it was the right thing to do. But it still causes me pain. And I find myself having conversations with myself when I meet with meet people about whether I'll bring it up or not, or whether or am I going to do the image approach? I think that I was so addicted to. That part of that breakup was based on my selfishness and not seeing that other people had big goals as well. In fact, one of the questions that I now ask myself, and I don't think I ever did in my first marriage, is I don't ever remember getting up in the morning and saying, so what am I going to do today to honor the dreams of my partner? Or for that matter”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I would say When was the last time you disclosed anything about yourself to anyone on your senior team? When was the last time you talked about your fears and your insecurities with somebody that you worked with? When was the last time you had an off-site where in your senior team you gave each other feedback about what they do great and what are two or three things they could do to be better and how am I going to support you? I said, I think that the asset management world is 50 years from that”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I would be more concerned about how he is as opposed to what he does. I'd like to see an asset manager, person say, you know what, we've made a lot of money, and that's great, but what I haven't done is create the kind of organization that I'm really proud of. Or there might be loyalty to it. But if they invited me in, I would interview people before I got there, and I tried to get a sense if I'm being set up. If I want to know how serious this person is that's leading it, I would want to spend a day. And an evening with whoever the leader is, and I'm going to get a sense of whether I think they're authentic or not, or whether they're just playing a game.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And so let's say someone doesn't want that. They want to have a successful career and a fulfilling career at the same time in this space, in asset management. What are the first step that someone who's the head of a boutique organization would take with their team to say you know what we have Monday morning staff meeting we're bringing in this guy Tom Dalong he's going to come talk to you you give them their nice speech and people go to that soft fuzzy professor guy what should the leader do?”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And then that's the question then what? I think some of them say, well, I think maybe I should teach, or maybe I should start a foundation, or maybe, but they haven't been in the practice of it. So they're forty-five or they're whatever. 50 or younger. They're not quite sure what to do with themselves. But I don't find folks. I know it's a gross generalization, and all of you are going to turn off the podcast when I say it. But there isn't a feeling from the leaders and asset management groups to create a place where you deal with essence as opposed to image. You do your work, you keep your head down, you produce. That's the name of the game. And it's working for a number of them”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think that there's a psychological makeup a bit. I don't think that they ever believed that it was important for them to have necessarily honest conversations, that they could just do their work. They could be distracted. And if they were the smartest person in the room, then that's all that counts. I don't think that they wanted to push it. I think they wanted to basically keep their beliefs and and believe that people have joined Wall Street because of the money. But I don't know a lot of the graduates here who are in, for example, asset management or who are in private equity. Talk about having a rich and fulfilled life. There are some private equity firms, and I've known hundreds of partners, and all of them leave feeling hollow with truckloads of money, truckloads.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Why do you think it is Certainly in the asset management industry true of investment banking, you've had a long history of, let's just call it non-professional managers. Their producers, the results driven, but there's never really been a pervasive culture of mentoring and developing in the way that you see almost as pervasively across other industries. So having sat there for a while, why do you think that's the case?”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Or they make a mistake because you haven't been mentoring them. I'm very critical of the research and I think it's as the most lightweight research I've ever seen on the so called millennials. It makes me crazy because I know millions of millennials that will work 100 hour work weeks. But what's interesting is what the millennials want is the same thing that 60-year-olds wanted, and that is they wanted somebody to care about them and to recognize them and to pay attention to them. And so this starts right at the very beginning. And it's, I think, that the role of managing and being managers is more important now than it's ever been because they really are the glue.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What these organizations have realized is that for many of them, they've They've squeezed the rock on cost. and they can't squeeze anymore, so now they're trying to figure out how do we get more productivity. So I'm doing much more what I would call leadership development. I do much more about calling people to accountability at all levels and pushing training down. Again, my premise, though, is that if you're not doing it in the top, then you can kiss alignment goodbye. It's just happy talk. One other things I really appreciated about Mac and our mantra actually together was that as long as younger professionals pay for the sins of bad bosses, you are never going to be able to create the kind of organization you want to create.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So we kind of put him in a holding pattern and try to either shun them or pass them, give them a global assignment. And so we don't want the B players. Over time, if you ignore them, then you're in free fall. And we have the data to show organizations are a disaster waiting to happen. If you ignore what I would call the heart and soul of the organization.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's another subgroup in organizations, and I think less so in professional service firms. But these are group of folks who live the values of a firm but who don't produce. Whether they went to the same school or whatever reason, we don't want to lay them off or fire them because we've had this long relationships with them. But what happens is that it makes other professionals furious. The so-called B players, and by the way, I think the B players may be more secure than anybody. Some of them are A players who have decided not to give their lives to their organizations, etc. But over time, what we want to do is we want to encourage and inspire the B players to raise their game a bit, but if they see folks who are hanging out, who have what we call a contractual relationship with the contractual relationship is one basically where you show up with your head but your heart and soul are somewhere else. And what happens is there's a bunch of these folks in organizations where we don't know what to do with them and they don't know what to do with themselves.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The crap I took for it is as basically CEOs, managing partners, leaders and professional service firms. We've tracked them. They spend most of their time with people that are like them with the stars. And I simply said there's a lot of other people and you could call them stalwarts or solid citizens. They get ignored. And I think it could be as much if you're using the old GE curve to rank people and put them on them on the profile list. It might be 50 to 60% of your folks are solid, awesome people, but we don't focus on them. We just assume they're fine. And so people were taken aback that I would actually admit to say that we're not all stars. The other part is that what the data illustrated to me”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I want to be fearless I want my kids, I want my students to be fearless, and they're not. I think my HBS students, unfortunately, are very confident but not particularly courageous, and there's a huge difference. So I want to be courageous, but the courageous is answering yes, sure. Not crazy stuff. But shall I tell John what I'm really thinking? Sure, when I find myself going, no, I don't think I will. No, I don't think. No, I don't think. When I'm answering that way, that's all out of fear. And that battle between courage and fear just faces all of us, I think, more than we'd like to own up to.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I know that I'm living a more fearful life when, when I ask myself questions internally, when I ask myself questions, and most of the answers are no, then I know I'm living a fairly fearful life. And so I fearful.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's generalizable in that are we observing our own behavior and to the point that we aren't living a life of self-deception, that we're living a life again that's just clear. And once I recognized that, you could say I had sold out whatever words you want to use. I realized that my value was falling off a cliff, and that's when I went to him the next day. I walked in, he said, you don't have to say a word. He says you are a different person you were. The guy I met on the plane, and he says, you are so unhappy. And I said, You're right. And then of course I said I felt like I had disappointed him. But it was much more the disappointment in myself when I gave in some ways I gave up. I gave the battle up, the battle up in Morgan Stanley of doing what I wanted to do.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And so I'm just going to tell him things that I think he wants to hear. And that's when I felt like I wasn't worth anything anymore. And so I haven't told that story, I think anywhere, but I think that there's a lecture in it around when it's time to leave.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I tried to capture, I think, in one of these books I was sitting on a bench In Grand Central Station And I didn't want to get on the train to go home. And I never wanted to go back to work. And I knew it was time to go when I started to tell John Mac what he wanted to hear as opposed to what was in my heart and I knew he needed to hear. And I think I wanted so much to impress him and we had knockdown dragouts, yelling at each other. I mean, it was a very talk about intense relationship. Just we loved each other. Still do. But I started saying to myself, you know, I don't want to do any more battle.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The dilemma of achieving and feeling good about myself. In some ways, I almost feel like they are irresolvable, but it's the process of managing these tensions simultaneously. And that to me, that is a daily experience. This is not something, this is not a problem to be solved.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think that the people that I'm attracted to, and by the way, when I walked on a trading floor at Morgan Sally, I said to myself, I've come home. I says, this felt like home, felt like family. However, what I do know is that I believe our need to cross things off our list is an addiction. I have a brother who his whole life has dealt with addictions, and he tells me, he says, Tom, your addiction to achieve is not much different than mine with drugs. There's not a whole lot of difference. And he says, so this is what I'm suggesting, is that I don't believe I'm ever going to get to the stage where I woke when I wake up in the morning and go, you know what, I just feel good about myself. I think every day I'm going to have to manage the”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think so much about sort of as you go through that and you learn the importance of listening and not talking and the difference between who you are and what you've done or what you're doing there's still In the world, the You're constantly Trying to create an image. You're trying to grow in different ways. Do people get to a point in time where they just are comfortable with who they are, or is there always this tension between trying to achieve something and therefore I need to present a certain type of an image?”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I remember you either being connected with him or that you'd bring it up on occasion that you knew who he was. And I thought I guess that is impressive, and then I would say, why does Ted need to tell me that? And by the way, he's sitting right next to Hank Paulson's son. Who's telling me something else now? If I were more curious than with Ted, I would have said. So, what's that about? That's a curious question as opposed to me being certain that, well, Ted, see, Ted's insecure, just like all 900 other students here, or me or me saying, well, you know, I went to the White House and I did executive development for the White House staff. Somehow I'm going to work that into my conversation at 60 still at 66 so people think that I'm with it, that I'm, and to me, it's about managing still at 66 my own insecurities.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It strikes me that a lot of people don't make that move from certain day to curiosity because of the fear of failure. And I know, and we've talked about this when I was here, I was very much in that image. You know, I didn't write school, great job. Here I am at Harvard Business School, the pinnacle of education. And then you go, what now?”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To know when you're at fault and recognizing it and moving on, it's taking care of business real time and moving on and not stowing up conversations and not being so critical of other people. One of the things that we're seeing with our students, and it's this whole notion of insecurity, it's this whole notion of managing your image. Is that you have to be certain and selling people on that particular construct. And what we're saying is if you live in more curious life, you're going to listen more. You're going to be more interesting. You're going to learn a lot more. And you need to move your lives more from certainty to curiosity. And that would make a big leap.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And the problem with that is that you can convince 100 people and you may not convince two that think, I don't buy that or I don't think he's that good. And what we know is that we obsess over the two. We discount all the hundred and we discount the two because it goes back to this self-doubting. We start to ruminate and yes but, yes, but yes but and so this notion and then the secret, the answer is what Keegan would talk about is to try to get to the next stage and by the way which we call self-authored and that is having the ability to stay intimate and detached Simultaneously to understand your patterns real time.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And everything is instrumental. Everything is, well, this person could help me. I'm not going to sit over at that place with those people because they're not players. I'm going to want to sit here. And then he says, the second stage is a little better, but also problematic, and that is you get up in the morning and you say to yourself, you don't really say to yourself, what do I have to do today to convince a lot of people that I've really got my act together? And so you spend the whole day selling.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, it's an interesting story because the reason I've studied These high need for achievement personalities is because I am one. And I must say, I'd recommend anybody listening to this to look up the research on Bob Keegan. And I think Bob Keegan at the School of Education here has done them best work on adult development. And I wish I had known his work when I was on Wall Street because he says there are certain adults that are stuck in what he calls an imperial phase. An imperial phase is, or imperial stage, is when you only form relationships based on whether you think you can get something out of them.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“connecting through tasks, but small things. Why don't I think this is, I mean, now I'm just, why don't I think this is as interesting as I think? Want it to be. So here's the Tom right now real time doing this podcast inside my head. I'm saying you've got to be smarter than Steve and you've got to be a better teacher than Andre”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because it's all about image, image, image, and again that in quieter times, Morgan Stanley, folks felt like they had permission to have the essence conversations. And so I remember Peter Mueller is a character and a half brilliant, and he'd come and we would talk and talk and talk. And I said, now you go back and do this with your traders. And he goes, I couldn't do this with my traders. So I tell my students here, one of your assignments is, you've got to find some people and find out what their fears are. I mean, you can ask them where they went to school, but ask them what their greatest fear is. Ask them what they're most proud of. But you can do it playing ball. You can do it wherever men are, again, are a little bit more obsessed about.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Which ones do you trust? Which ones do you know that you're that you're in a relationship where you tell each other basically reaffirming kinds of information? I ask myself whether Tom, when was the last time you talked to somebody that made you uncomfortable Tom, when was the last time you told people You were wrong about something. When was the last time you apologized? By the way, these are questions that I wish I had known and push people at Morgan Stanley to ask themselves those questions.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's a lot to that concept of you can't do it alone, that you need people around you that will be the mirror, both good and bad, that will get you out of your negative story that you're telling yourself, but that also will say, hey, you're full shit, this is what I'm seeing. How do you figure out among your friends, some of whom are more image conscious friends, some of whom might be more essence conscious friends, which ones are the ones that you should foster a deeper relationship?”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Then I'm encouraged, and I don't care how old you are. And what we also say is that people Because high achieving people, professionals, deal in either or situations, we talk to them about there's some small things you can do that'll have a profound effect. One might be is that just notice in your meetings how much time you spend talking and how much everyone else is. And so another thing I would tell folks is that they need to put people around them that will tell them when they're full of it. And the more you can get the better. And I would not just put rely on your significant other if you're in a committed relationship. I think you're setting yourself up. But I think that's another thing you can do.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“On the first day that MBAs show up here, the cohort will be around nine hundred students, and the dean has asked me on a number of occasions to get up and give some words of wisdom. And one year I held up a resume and I told our students. I said, students, you've worked twenty seven years to build a perfect image. And now you have two years to figure out who you really are. So I say, I just want you all to know that you aren't your resume. And then I talk to them. I said, so we want you to move from image managing to essence managing. And that's going to be very tough because you're addicted to the image part and you're going to, you've already started evaluating everybody and sizing people up. But I said. What I tell people is the sooner they can get to a point of saying, I don't have all the answers.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You've written about how this again high need for achievement, which is a fascinating term, a high need for achievement individual, can fall into these traps where they don't have the courage to make changes because they don't want to look bad and all the implications of looking bad. So how does someone in that situation get themselves into that position and then what do they do to work their way out?”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Do is, and I do this also with executives, but I say who are the kind of people that make it so you're self-doubting stories emerge? What are the settings? When is it that you start to feel less of who you are? And then we talk about ways to deal with that.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“them myself affirming story the story that your mother would tell her friends about you and I lay it on youngest tenured professor and I go on and on and on and on Then we then I have or I tell the students my self-doubting story. You know, failed law school, entrance exam, and I go right down the line, and at the very last thing I say to myself, doubting story is, and here I am at Harvard Business School, and I still feel like a failure because my goal was to be a university president, and I'm not going to make it. So the students write theirs. And then they share them with one another and they realize how stuck they are. And what I push the students”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's stories that we tell other people about ourselves, you know, our resumes, and they're stories that other people tell about us, like a eulogy or your performance evaluation. And then there's the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves. And what happens is that we typically see them as either-or stories, either I'm really competent, they're self-affirming stories, or they are what we call self-doubting stories, self-doubting narratives. Now, what we've observed is that for high need for achievement personalities, they spend far more time focused on their self-doubting narratives. And we actually ask the students, and I model it because I want them to know what it feels like and how I actually get nervous doing it. So I'll be in front of 80 students. And I will tell you.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And it comes back, it's more acutely. And so this conversation, even a small conversation I'm going to have with Ted, I keep putting it off. And now it's a major event inside my head. And so what happens is the managers are walking around with these conversations that they're not having, the technical term or the psychological term is called experiential avoidance. And so what we're finding is that people are living their lives based on the conversations they're not having as opposed to the ones that they're having. And what that automatically does, it starts to put you back on your heels as opposed to being on the balls of your feet, and you start to feel more like a victim and you start to react because you just start to feel overwhelmed.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's a number of things that we do. One is that we become what I call activated almost immediately if there's a differing point of view. And it's very hard to make decisions when we are activated, meaning your amygdala has gone crazy, you want to get back at the other person. I started to talk, and I have for years about this whole process. Talking to yourself about what's going on inside of yourself to try to settle yourself down so you don't screw yourself over by creating pain for other people and also yourself. So that would be an example. Another distortion is that if I have a difficult message for somebody that I'm working with, I don't want to have it. And so I delay it. And what happens is the body... literally dissipates that tension for ninety minutes to two hours. But then what happens is then it comes back and”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And so as you started to implement, call it a feedback loop, you'll learn a lot of things from that process. And one of the things that I found most fascinating that you wrote about in your book that's now, I guess, six or seven years old flying without a net is the ways that individuals derail themselves in their career. And in particular, these high performing or high need for achievement professionals.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What we did is they had an actor, and then I brought in some managing directors that I knew would be irrascible and thought it was nonsense. And I said, I want a managing director, give the actor some crap. And the actor's going to give you feedback about your career. And then we were videoing this thing. They were mean spirited. They were arrogant. They were self-serving. They were selfish and good people, I guess. And then I show these clips of them getting feedback from these actors, and the place went nuts, and I think what the partners could see is that I had A sense of humor that I had a sense of understanding how systems work.”
2019-06-03 · Capital Allocators · REPLAY - Thomas DeLong – Authentic Leadership (Capital Allocators, EP.18) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source