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Amy Cuddy

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2023-08-31
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2023-08-31
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  1. “I'm on Oh geez, I feel like I'm gonna get myself in trouble, but I referred to Susan Kane earlier, her book Quiet. Her new book is called Bittersweet. And it is about Allowing ourselves to feel sadness, to grieve that it is in many ways healing. I mean, why do we listen to sad songs? We get some pleasure from it. We heal from it. So I'm going to have to say I'm going for the bittersweet and not the no sadness.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  2. “Not thinking that you have to take the floor first. So, a lot of people feel that, especially in business settings, they like a negotiation, they feel like they've got to drop the anchor, they have to talk first, when in reality it's often much more effective to ask questions and learn about the other person. You're showing first that you're interested, that you understand them, and you're actually gaining information. So that you when you respond, you're not giving up power at all. You're building trust and learning. And then you, when you respond, they trust that your response is based on you actually knowing them, right? So they feel seen. They've been seen. So that's, I think, there are so many things, but that's one that I think is really effective.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  3. “Yeah, I mean, we've talked a lot about trust, but I guess I just want to summarize sort of all of that talk about trust. Just that a lot of people in the business world make the mistake of thinking that they got to go in and be the smartest person in the room. So they've got to show confidence. And they do that at the expense of demonstrating their trustworthiness. And if you do not establish earn trust, build trust, you have no medium through which your ideas can travel. So trust is the conduit of influence. It's not a soft idea. It's a true idea. This is just the way people are. If you come in and you start talking at them and you haven't listened to them, you don't know what they're about. They don't feel like you care. It doesn't matter if you have the best idea in the world.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  4. “Yeah, but this is what we said that about racism and misogyny and ageism, it's just human nature. People would go, that's not okay. Like a lot of people would object to that statement. and say yes we can do better. But no, I absolutely believe that if people can understand the anatomy of bullying how it works and what it looks like in the beginning, what are the early signs? What are the little things they can do to be socially brave and collectively turn things around? I think that we will see change in workplaces first, the psychological research shows that we can turn this around.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  5. “And when you talk to celebrities, like people who got famous kids, a lot of them were bullied and people are shocked. They're like, but everyone else loved you. Yeah, but that's exactly why they got bullied in their schools. Because they weren't supposed to succeed.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  6. “And then they become targets or they're viable targets. They don't necessarily become targets, but they're viable targets. So people who have very high status inside and get high status outside, they're much less likely to be bullied.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  7. “Yeah, so I don't think it's common for successful people to have haters. That doesn't always turn into bullying. Also the people who tend to be targets tend to be people who have, okay, so if you think about the kind of the workplace or the profession and then the rest of the world. They have lower status in their profession than they do with the rest of the world. And so I was a junior researcher. I wasn't supposed to get this much attention. And I just gave a TED talk. I wasn't going out looking for status. That's what happened. It happened to go viral. But targets tend to be people who are below the average on status with the in-group and then cross what some researchers have called the line of resentment.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  8. “Yes, and that's the commonality across bullies. I think there are some myths about bullies, like the idea that bullied people become bullies. Some do, and most don't. In fact, a lot of the people who I call bravehearts who stand up against bullies were bullied. So it's not that bullied people become bullies. It's not that. You know, it's not that they have such low self esteem and they can't sleep at night. They actually can sleep at night. They're okay with what they're doing. They think they're right. There's so many ways, and this is maybe another conversation for next year. There are so many opportunities for bystanders to get involved early so that it doesn't escalate to this full blown bullying campaign because once you're there, the person is socially killed.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  9. “Because the way you answer that will affect the way you do your work. And how you interact with people and what you aspire to. These are people who would say the world is fundamentally hostile.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  10. “I so wish more people had done that in my case, said Then they escalate very quickly, and they are basically, they are gaining status by taking away your status. It's, I don't think it's about power as much as it is about status. There are people who are very powerful, but still feel like they're not getting the recognition and status that they deserve and their bullies. It is motivated, I believe in general, again, I don't know what motivated my bullies by a need for status. And one of the commonalities across bullies is that they tend to have a scarcity mindset. They see the world as everything is zero sum. Everything's affixed by. And that means if somebody else is getting status or success, it's somehow taking away from them. Einstein once that you'll answer for yourself Sort of is the universe fundamentally hostile or friendly?”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  11. “I can tell you that A small percentage of people, I believe, are what I call primary bullies, like they are the ones who get the ball rolling. If they're alone, and we chatted about this earlier, but if they're alone, they're just assholes. But when they recruit people, then they become bullies They tend to be repeat offenders. What they want is status and recognition They feel that they have not gotten as much as they deserve And they resent people who they perceive as getting more than they deserved. And so when they perceive that They'll start to go after that person in little ways, and I call that the bully test. The bully's testing to see if people will allow that to happen. And if people don't push back, and this is where Bystanders could get involved right away and say that's not okay.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  12. “And that's why it's taken me like four years to write this book because it's a lot to tell my own story. I'm scared and it's a lot to tell. other people's stories because I know how they feel. I know how hard it is. I mean, I've interviewed people whose adult children have taken their own lives because they were so badly bullied in the workplace. It was just torture My collaborators were tortured. Lost so much fighting this. Disinformation and just this meanness. My son in the last six months has had two friends who were taking psychology courses. Learn this disinformation about me in their psychology courses because again it just sort of lives on. And so now he's coming, going, I don't understand.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  13. “Yes, my full time tenured track position. And that's after I had been. promoted twice. I had an excellent record of research and I wanted to stay there I wanted to continue to do work around sexism and racism. I thought maybe I would eventually get into the administration. I wanted to That was the life that I thought I hadn't. They made it impossible for me to stay. Yes, it was my choice, and no, it wasn't my choice They sold my future. Now I have a different one, and maybe that's maybe that's better, but it doesn't take away the pain of that loss. It's sort of like it's like Losing a spouse dying, young. Then you get remarried a few years later and you're happy in your new marriage and maybe you're even happier, but you'll never stop grieving. The loss of that first person, right? That's how this feels. Um,”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  14. “In the life that I'm in, I had to leave my job. I wasn't forced out at all, and in fact I want to be clear because this is the bullies love to say that I was denied tenure. I was not denied tenure. I chose to leave. My dean was incredibly supportive of me. I could not live in that toxic house anymore. It was filled with fumes. I would have died if I had stayed. In academia, period”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  15. “Was just like wanted so desperately to fix it for me and he's a scientist and he understood very well the statistical arguments better than most people in my field do and he would engage with these bullies and that would escalate. He was for sure traumatized by it. I was just curled up in a ball, and then amazingly I was still able to go out and speak, and for that hour I was safe. And then I would hide again and I was just so afraid. I just felt like I was dying. I was just, I think almost every day I said I feel like I'm dying. It was. Just the darkest of dark They like I'm grieving still the loss of Again the facts of my life? and a future that I thought I was going to have even though And this is that whole silver lining thing. I'm actually happier now.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  16. “You know what I'm thinking right now is that my bullies are going to hear this and they're going to be laughing and they're going to be saying that I'm exaggerating, but who cares if they say that, but it's still like I'm so afraid of them still. I was, you know, raising a son who is just a lovely remarkable person. I'm excited. I can't believe that he grew up to be such a wonderful person because for so much of his teenage life I was going through this, and it was so hard to be present, but I had to be. There was this constant conflict that I had. How much do I tell him about? How much do I shield him from it? Can I shield him from it? Because My husband, who”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  17. “Disappear from that job. And when I say disappear, I mean they're either fired because the bully flips it around and they're seen as the difficult person or their moved to a different department or they quit because they can't endure it or they die of a stress related illness or they take their own lives. Suicide rates are very high for adult for children and adult bullying targets.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  18. “I'm not through it. I'm through the worst of it, but it still comes up. And there's disinformation in news articles that these bullies sort of got out there that will always circulate. I can't get rid of all of that, right? It will pop up every once in a while. And people go, but yeah, but I heard you did this and you're like, no, that's incorrect. And so every time that pops up, it's just like a dagger again. It is an absolute theft of your life. Absolutely. It is absolutely devastating. And in the workplace it's remarkably common and The estimates by people who study workplace bullying are that more than 90% of people who become targets of workplace bullying”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  19. “And I felt like I was dying or I wanted to die for a long time because it is social death. It is social death. And without community, we are in a bad place. I mean, we do need each other. The facts of my life were stolen from me. My story was rewritten so much so that I could not do an interview without having to correct all kinds of disinformation about me. The way you tell your story to yourself matters peace. Wow, that was hard. I had to keep doing that to survive it because other people were telling a story that was a lie and that was deeply hurting me. I mean, emotionally, professionally, hurting my family. I mean, I almost died. I almost decided to die. And he And that's very common for people who are bullied.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  20. “I would rather endure any physical pain than go through that. And I have interviewed, I mean, it went on for years. I became. Just fair game. It was because the bullies had been so successfully diminished, demeaned, stigmatized me that anyone else who felt the need to act out could act out against me. It was okay. So the mountain of social media evidence of this bullying is overwhelming and I can't even look through it. I have to have someone else sort through that. I am not talking about anonymous trolls. This was other academics. This was about me. It was personal. They were not hiding behind anonymity. Every person I've interviewed for this book who's been bullied, every adult has said, it's the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  21. “It takes courage So by adopting those powerful postures, by feeling personally powerful, you are generating the courage to confront yourself, to know yourself, to introduce yourself to yourself.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  22. “Exactly. Our parents and grandparents told us to sit up straight as a show of respect to others. And kids hate that. Kids, you know, teach kids to sit up straight as a show of respect to themselves. And that allows you to be more open, to be less defensive, to allow the truth of who you are in. hard to confront ourselves.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  23. “And she finally raised her hand in the last class. I said, I'll call on you. And first of all, her comment was amazing in people's hesitation. But she continued to use these ideas, and she came back to me later, like six months or a year later, and she said, she said to me, I want you to know I'm so happy now, because she had come into my office and said I feel like an imposter. I don't belong here. I'm from this small town. I was like, so am I. If I belong here, you do. She came back to me after graduating and finding and actually getting into education and not business. And she said, oh, Those things that we talked about, I did, and I realized I wasn't faking it till I made it. I was faking it till I became it. And now I'm the person that I wanted to be.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  24. “Pretend that you know things you don't know, pretend that you are a person that you're not until you get the job. But what do you do then? You keep faking it? So fake it till you make it is fooling other people. Fake it till you become it is expand, allow yourself to feel powerful enough to really understand who you are, to know what your story is, to be more focused on the impression you're making on yourself than on others, to grow, to be less afraid of these challenges, and eventually standing in those big positions alone feels a little awkward at first and you're faking it, but eventually you become that person. And that's what happened with my student who I talk about in the TED Talk who had not participated at all the whole semester. And I was going to have to fail her. And I said, You have to participate.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  25. “I know they do. I know, and it's like I always feel like, look, I'm a body language person, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give you a hatful of tricks. Just doesn't because it's not going to work. That wouldn't be right. And it's funny too, because the quote that I'm best known for is fake it till you become it. And what I mean by that. Is fake it till you make it to me has always meant”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  26. “I usually not because you get those asynchronous. So it's too much. Think about all of the nonverbal channels. You've got vocal, they call them paralinguistic cues like tone of voice, range of voice, how quickly or slowly you speak. You've got your fingers, your hands, your arms. There's too much. To do to fake it for And to make it consistent with what you're saying, probably, you know, the greatest actors can. Pretty well But I mean to me it's just it's it's so likely to fail that it's not even worth trying and I don't think it's honest”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  27. “When the other person goes to the bathroom, if the one set at the table is like you can tell their smile, like they can't stop smiling. And maybe they're texting somebody, but their cheeks, you can tell, her cheeks almost hurt from smiling. It's like they're letting they're so excited. They don't want to act over the top with the person. But when the person steps away, they allow themselves to feel that joy. That to me is the tell. That's exciting. You're like, oh, that's so nice. Something beautiful's happening.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  28. “Yeah, good eye contact balance in conversation, expressions of genuine curiosity where you can kind of see their face light up when they hear the other person say something. Like they're really intrigued. The other one always one of them gets up to go to the bathroom. And to me, the tell Is what does the other person do when that person this makes me look like I'm not watching you all on your dates I swear you are”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  29. “And it is leaning in and taking up too much space. And you can see the, and I'm sorry, I'm talking about. Other dyads. But I mean, in the context of body language. You see the woman clearly tensing up she's making herself smaller to get away. She may not be literally leaning away, she's closing herself up and people in that situation when they want to get away, they often do these lip presses like this. And so you start to see the lip presses in the making themselves smaller and leaning away. In fact, we were watching a TV show last night that might be called The Bachelorette. This happened. And the guy was holding her, the Bachelorette, like hugging her. And she wasn't forcefully leaning away, but I was like, oh, it's too close. She really does not like that. But she was being very polite. It was like painful touch. So in real life.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  30. “Oh geez, in the worst, if I'm at a restaurant and I see it a first date. It can be so. I want to slip a napkin to the woman sometimes. And the guy will get up to go to the bathroom, and she is like, I feel like slipping a napkin and saying, run, you know, like it's just, you can, it's so clear, so quickly how it's going.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  31. “Oh sure. I just think there's some really great books. I love Joe Navarro's work. He's a former FBI agent. He has a lot of images. He's not a researcher but grounds in the research and has a lot of personal experience. The book that I love is what everybody is saying by Joe Navarro. So I would recommend that as a great way to start. I think there are some that are sort of like more like how to pick up women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't like those. This is just really understanding people”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  32. “Aggressive, yeah. Yeah, I don't, and again, I would have to defer to somebody like Bob Sopolsky on that one, but I think I think that in non-human primates, great apes, it is a sign of aggression. It is like bring it on.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  33. “I wish I could make that. I can't give you a simple answer because there are so many cultural differences. In when you make eye contact. So kids learn such different rules about making eye contact. You know, a lot of kids are taught you don't make eye contact with an authority figure, right? So, and then they're seen as lying because they're not making eye contact. But seeing it as rude to make eye contact, it means, you know, in a lot of East Asian cultures, eye contact, you don't hold eye contact for as long. It's seen as very aggressive. In the US, you can hold eye contact for quite a while before people feel uncomfortable. But so, yeah, I think it's one of the more culturally constrained expressions.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  34. “Yes. Because you're so uncomfortable. For sure. And then you read that and you feel more uncomfortable. So it becomes reinforced through the interaction.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  35. “Exactly, and people are remember the audience, even a whole audience is responding to you. So if there's this whole self-inforcement between you and the audience and within the self. So, if you're acting that way, they might be mirroring you or feeling kind of uncomfortable because you're feeling anxious.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  36. “Okay, got good, okay. It's really common for people who are afraid of public speaking, they're like kind of moving their hands, but they're afraid to move their arms away from their body.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  37. “It's when people don't know what to do with their hair. A lot of people don't know what to do with their hands when they're speaking. Yeah. And so they kind of pin their wrist to their like around their hips and their hands kind of stick out.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  38. “Know employees come to talk to them, they're probably a little nervous and To be very mindful of their body language because you don't want them to shut down. You want them to feel comfortable and tell you what's going on. Share their interest or their problem or their challenge.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  39. “That's exactly right. So I think to really simplify it, and again, as I said, I don't love choreographing But the body language that is, I think, the most effective is to be open, to be kind of leaning forward, you know, palms up, not wrapping yourself up, not the whole time, but what you want to be showing is I'm comfortable, I'm relaxed with you, I'm interested in you. And so I think that's the posture that you want to take on. And people will mirror that. One thing that people In general people mirror each other's body language, right? That's a way that we sync up. But there's one exception, and that's when there's a power differential. So if a powerful person is interacting with somebody that's clearly less powerful, the powerful person tends to become more dominant in their body language and”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  40. “Of combat soldiers. So, like the first battle, it's the emergency phase and they are focused. The goal is clear. It's shared. Teams operate at their best. Good leaders operate at their best. Then they go into this regression in between where they don't know what's going to happen next. They lose a sense of purpose. They become disconnected from each other. They withdraw. Then they're back in battle again. That's how this has gone. It's going to take a little while to put the pieces back together again. But I think that we have to have some grace and, I mean, toward each other, with each other, with ourselves, I don't think it's going to be fixed by if we're too hard on ourselves. I think we do have to let ourselves off the hook a bit and go, oh, we've never lived through something like this.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  41. “Because we are wired to deal with a crisis that lasts like a couple months, not one that lasts three years, and not one that is yanking us around back and forth like, oh, we're emerging. Oh, delta, we're emerging. Omicron, you know, like it was just this constant back and forth. And so we were living in this liminal state where we had one foot on the safe side and one foot on the threatened side, we get through crises using what's called surge capacity, which is, you know, it's called network of physical and psychological resources that help us survive. But that runs out pretty quickly. And a lot of people say for the first two months of the pandemic, they felt very productive. That was surge capacity. And it's studied in the context often of”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  42. “No, no, it's not. But also, I do think that more people are in that state now than that compared to three and a half years ago I do. I think the pandemic really took a toll on people's mental sort of stability, their sense of self. And I think we're going to be grappling with that for quite a while. I mean, people who we...”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  43. “Whatever that challenge is for you. I want you to change one little thing each time you go into it. So that you can, in the end, approach it with confidence, execute with this calm confidence, and leave it with a sense of satisfaction that you showed up, that you did what you could do. A lot of things that you can't control, but it's much easier to accept a negative outcome if you controlled the things you could, right? If you know How often do people walk away from those situations and go, Oh, I feel like they didn't see who I am? You want to walk away and say they saw who I am, and now they get to make the decision, and I can't control whether they evaluate me beyond this. I did my best. That's where you want to get to.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  44. “Then I called her and I said I can't do this. I'm going to quit. And she said, you're not quitting. She said, you're going to do it. And even if it doesn't go perfectly, which it won't, You will have done it and learned something and gotten a little better, and each time it's going to get better. She said, and I want you to give every talk you're asked to give. Take every opportunity that's given to you to improve. And eventually you won't notice the moment when, you know, suddenly you've gotten there. You'll just look back and go, oh my gosh, I'm here. How did I get here through these tiny nudges? So go easy on yourself, focus on only one change in that next challenge. Focus on the situations that you approach with dread, that you execute with anxiety and distraction, and that you tend to leave with a sense of regret. Those challenges vary across people, you know, for some people it's public speaking, for some people it's giving negative feedback, for some people it's having a difficult discussion with a family member.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  45. “So the next time you go in to give a talk, for example, to anyone, if somebody's afraid of public speaking but has to lead team meetings, for example, I want you to focus on changing one thing. Maybe it's your breathing. You breathe more slowly and deeply. Maybe you make sure that you're not wrapping your hands around your body by holding a bottle of water or a slide advancer, something that forces you to keep your hands away from your body. Each time you get a little bit better and eventually you find that you're there. And my advisor, my grad school advisor Susan Fisk, who I just adore, taught me that because I almost quit grad school the night before my first year talk, which is where you present the first year of research you've done, just to the people in your department, I was so scared”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  46. “Well, it's funny because I talk a lot about how tiny tweaks lead to big changes. And I called, you know, there was a whole sort of nudge movement, like, how do you change people's behavior through these little nudges? And I talk about self-nudging. I'm not a big believer in New Year's resolutions because they're grandiose. They require a million steps. You're going to fail somewhere along the way and then quit. I believe in just doing a little bit better the next time.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  47. “You know, I just, there's so much of that, and I feel like it's so confusing and discouraging for people because they watch people who they think are doing that. In short clips, And they're like, well, they did it. Why can't I do it? But a lot of those people didn't get to where they are by doing that. Lots of people help them get to where they are. Or, you know, they did other work, but it's just, or maybe they're not where they aren't even where you believe they are. They're actually really unhappy and just putting on this. Brave face”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  48. “That works too. I'm not saying that self-affirmation is the only way to do it. I'm much more, by the way, in your camp. I get really frustrated with it's all your mindset and you just got to tell yourself that you can create your life.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  49. “And so I think that's a really good start is to just spend time, you know, kind of journaling about who are you? What do you value? But really, what are those qualities that make you who you are to you, not to others? Not how would others describe you, what moves you, like what really moves you.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  50. “I value music. If you took the experience of music away from me, I just would not feel like myself. And then I did a math test. I would do better on the math test. After doing that self affirmation exercise, likely, I would be likely to on average people perform better. They also even show decreases in levels of stress hormones like epinephrine. So the idea is that you're anchoring yourself in who you are and what you're doing is reminding yourself that no matter what happens on that math test, you're still going to be that person when you walk out. And so that math test becomes less important, which ironically or paradoxically makes you do better on it.”

    2023-08-31 · The Diary of a CEO · The Body Language Expert: 4 Body Language Tricks That Will Make Them Love You And Respect You! - Doctor Amy Cuddy · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT