YouSaid · the spoken record

Ashley Walters

lines on the record: 105
first: 2023-09-14
most recent: 2023-09-14
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Not Sitting down is not good for me My wife and I, we can rarely go on holiday together because what she wants to do is. Read books she didn't get to read and lie on sun lounges and stuff. And I'm like, I can't live like that. You know, I need to be doing something. Something's got to happen or be happening.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, like, you know, that space that they're in, because there's nothing much more to achieve, it feels like. And I'm always like, I have to have a fix. Like I have to, there has to be something else. Like I'm very. can be very fickle like that like i can be very focused and determined and whatever and now like i'm doing this disney show and it's like i've shot the disney show and you know i'm editing but i want it to end now because i want to do another show”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The fun I've had doing things, the filming, the memories, this and that or whatever. Actually, looking back, the challenges, the people saying no. So what I had to do to get around that, to get there and whatever, actually, like, I think when you clock the game, it's like, oh. I'm not saying I've clocked I'm saying I can see with the people that I know that are like in that space where they've kind of like, there's not much more to do. I think it's pretty boring. Like I don't envy them. I don't envy them. I may want that Lambo, but I don't envy.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, I couldn't. No. I couldn't well, if I erased that, then I might have, you know, you know, like that picture in Back to the Future where he's like when he's not getting home or something like and his brother starts to fade away, his sister starts to fade. It's like, if I raised that and brought my dad back, I might erase like four of my children. Do you know what I mean? Actually, six degrees of separation, you might not be You never know, right? So no, I couldn't. I couldn't. You have to live with it. And I say this to students. It's like. So it's not about the journey, it's about how you use your journey. And more importantly, Enjoy in the journey. Because I tell you now, Stephen. Not that enjoyable Where I am. The best parts of what I've achieved has been along the way. Do you know what I mean? The people I've met.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Ah, boy, I'm Well, I make a point of always saying to them that if you've come here trying to Have my journey You're going to have to go to prison, you know, lose your dad, this, that, I told him all the negative things that's happened because that's what's made me. So I was speaking to Laura about this. I was like, look, I can't sit there and regret things that have gone wrong because the truth is, if those series of events hadn't happened in the way they happened on the days they happened, I wouldn't be sitting here now. And I wouldn't have all the great things that This and that, any little thing that was different. Might have changed the whole course of my life. So I have to accept that.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I've watched some of the directors you bought on here. Neither have they. I've got more experience than them. I've been filming since I was like seven. To hear that is like, you know, it's a kick in the teeth, but. I went to my business partner after that. I was like, how do we change this? And he was like, well, if you're serious about it, let's make a short film. We're making a short film. We want to make a short film. Got some money from Sky made this short film now that came out but I think actually what happened in that process was I liked it. I wasn't expecting to like directing so much. At that point it was about You want to experience, I'm going to get your experience, the best experience that you could possibly have But actually, throughout the process, I was like, nah, I like this, man. I enjoy this process.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't like to. I mean, it doesn't feel good. Doesn't feel good. Especially when I know there's a way, especially when I know that I can, you know, or I believe that I can. I just prefer people to let me try. And if it fails, then we can both agree. Maybe it wasn't going to work the way I said it was. And we try a different way or we don't revisit it. But I need the opportunity to bring how I feel to the table. And yeah, there have been times where I have accepted. Like, it's not going to work or whatever. And I've regretted it after because someone else has come and done it. So I think I got tougher with that over the years. And the directing thing was one of those things because I was told you can't direct. It was my own show that I created. It was like, nah, you haven't got enough experience.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It does, it does, yeah. When I'm silent, that's when people should worry about me. Because, you know, that's when I'm thinking how to get around you or how to do that thing that you said I can't do, but.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Rocky Road meaning Know for years I'd say only in the last ten years I've been financially stable. I've been acting all of my life. So, not knowing sometimes how I was going to feed my children. Know what was going to happen next, you know, just whether I was coming or going, it was just unstable, it's just unstable. And the rejection is immense, man. I have to be really Tough in places when it comes to 80% of it is people just telling you no, like this ain't gonna happen. You're not going to be able to do it. That's probably not going to work. Sorry, we don't want you not this time. You were great, but it's like that a lot of the time. What people get to see is that little 10% that works.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I did it, but I don't know how I'm yet to know what the blueprint is. It's tough. My students at Kingdom ask me this all the time. And I'm like, all I can teach you is how to prepare. How it's going to happen, when it's going to happen or whatever. That is like an anomaly, man. That's like comes when it comes, right? And you just got to be kind of ready for it at the time, but yeah, I mean, my kids. And the worst thing about it is most of them probably are going to do something in entertainment. I can see that. So it's going to be tough. It's going to be tougher them. It's going to be tough for me. But it is a... It is a rocky road, and it's a tough life. But I will support them all the way.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If I'm honest with you, it's helped me so much in the sense of I've made mistakes along the way. And I've made mistakes that have not necessarily been public mistakes. I've never say that I'm a perfect person. But when I have made those mistakes, people that have known me have supported me. You know what I mean? So, because I've been good. I've been good to people. You know, and we live in a world today where Any minute people can turn their back on you. Any minute people can cancel you or whatever they want to call it. And it happens day in and day out. So, you know, I felt like the fact that. I've been as genuine I can be coming up.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Why I have a solid fan base, you know, solid base of supporters that will show up to my shows, to watch my films or watch, do you know what I mean?”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, like People are comfortable around me. This is why, like, still to this day, you know, a lot of people are like, bro, why are you just walking down the street? Or why are you just on the train Why are you just sitting in this? Because I can. Because people don't really, you know, they don't really want to like. I don't have the. I mean, the Justin Beaver effect on people like you don't have to shut down stores or whatever when I come in. People look and stuff like that, but it's like I just feel like they've got, they used to me. You know what I mean? And I think, like, I mean, I'll straighten off point a bit, but I think all of this as part of my character, as part of my personality, ties into why I've been working for so long, you know, why I've managed to maintain relationships in the industry.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Where I was one of the first to kind of break through when there was only a few black faces on screens and a lot of black people that, you know, maybe in their 40s now have grown up watching me. That's the ashley that they know. You know, I think I've never I've always been quite accessible. I've never turned my back Where I came from, you know, for some reason, in some way, I've managed to stay in that place where it's like... Ah, You know what I mean? I'm like Um...”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know what I mean? Whatever. It's a little thing that I've got. And I try and bring that out in the characters that I play on the screen. I think I always bring a bit of myself to the roles I play. So as much as I'm hiding behind these characters or whatever, the engine room is Ashley. And if I can find ways to Use my trauma to portray this? I do I think outside of the ring, when I say ring, I mean the acting space. I'm humble, you know, I don't brag. Keep it simple I treat people as good as I can. Do you know what I mean? And I give back a lot. I'm always about trying to help other people. It's always been a part of me. That's helped move me forward, and I think especially in the black community.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Nah, I think it's more. Look, I don't. I believe some of that charm that we spoke about that I saw in my dad, I know I have. In me, right? So I have that ability. I know how to talk to people, right? I know if I kind of get into a situation like this with me and you, I can. Make people like me.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm going to struggle Answer this, Stephen, if in reality kind of involves Kind of involves bigging myself Bit more than I'm comfortable with, if I'm honest. Since we're here.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I do envy some of my friends that I know like I've got really good relationships with their dads and The dads have looked over their contracts and stuff like that. Do you know what I mean? I've been a major part of their life. I'm determined to do that for my kids if they ever need it.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He'd probably try and tell me, like, you know Like, you're not doing this right, you're not doing that right, you could improve in this area and that area and whatever. Probably butt heads about it. But, you know, that would be all good. I'd take that now. In hindsight, you know what I mean? I'd take it.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think I didn't tell him thank you. I hope he didn't get on that plane feeling like... Feeling like I was still unhappy with him because I treated him quite bad, especially when he was going through his cancer, when he told me I had cancer. Whatever. Like, I don't even believe you. Probably just saying it because you want me to talk to you. That's how that was my attitude towards him in that period of time. That's how much anger I was holding. So, you know, I let go of a lot of that whilst we were together. I do wonder if there was any doubt in his mind when he left, you know, because I couldn't, you know, it's not like I was all over him and touchy feely and kissing him and rubbing him and stroking him and stuff. I still kept a bit of a... Know a toughness about it, like, I'm not going to let you in like that, you know, but I do.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that was my dad. That was my dad. So it made me know that I can be that person, you know, that I don't need to doubt myself as much as I do. And he stripped away from me. He constantly, in that little time I spent with me, he stripped away all the, because I was like hiding myself in success. I've got this. I've got this watch. I've got this car, this coat and staying in this apartment and this and that or whatever and he didn't give a shit about any of that. I don't know whether he was doing it on purpose, but he genuinely was like, I mean, it's good. And he knew a lot more about me than... Thought he did so. Paid attention But I walked away from that. meeting that encounter knowing that he loved me and knowing that he was proud of me you know he was proud And that was good enough”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“When I spent those two weeks with him, I kind of got a better understanding of, oh, okay, this is why I do that funny thing with my eye when, you know what I mean? I'm lying. This is why I feel this way at this point. He was powerful as a man. He didn't have anything, didn't have anything. But he oozed some sort of confidence and charm, right? You can't buy you know what I mean And I felt that, and I saw that in him. And it made me understand about. I should feel more like that by myself. Do you know what I mean? I should feel more. Powerful look, you don't have to be a dickhead, you know, when you're Know when you're confident doesn't have to come across that way. He had that level of confidence with Some beautiful sort of humility. Went with it, but you know.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I knew he was going to pass away. I hadn't accepted it. But it was obvious that he was going to die, it was obvious. Lessons, I think is, I got from it what I what I One of the key things I needed, and I think one of the key things you need from Knowing your dad Knowing where you come from I think that's such a, it's just such a key point in. And a dad, like, if my son can look at me, I can look at my son and kind of. He knows who I am, he knows where I came from, he knows what my values are, you know, what I expect of him and stuff like that. Then I think it makes it easier for him. Going out there to be just a person, to be a human being. When you're constantly looking for that reference point, right? You're lost, you know, and”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Do you know what? I mean, I could be sitting there with thinking that he has them, but he might not. But I'm pretty sure he does. I'm pretty sure.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I could probably watch those tapes and it could probably help me through a lot of tough times that I face now, or maybe even my kids, you know, maybe even help the boys somehow. It'd be nice to get him back. It's really sad. It's like, it's hurtful, man. And I hope one day I can resolve that situation.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And for how many years now I've been asking to get it back? Because we don't speak, but for maybe 10 years now I've been trying to send messages through people I know him and stuff like that and I've just had no response. And the last thing I want to do is Go into some legal sort of battle for it or whatever, but. the last, you know, the other stuff I can let go, but the stuff with my dad, like, is the last. I don't have pictures of him, you know, and I don't have like family portraits and anything like that. All I really have is those tapes and they're Like my do you know that movie Things to do in Denver when you're dead? They're like, you know, it's like that to me. It's like gold dust. It's like.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Another upsetting story, man So I set up a production company, me and a good friend of mine at the time. I was a nightmare to deal with and all this the demons were there and I didn't give a hundred percent Into this company at all. So, like a lot of the weight was left on them. Kind of hold it up, and then I think this person, this guy was going through his own troubles as well at the time with his dad and his family and stuff. It was a disaster in the end. But either way, you know, we had an archive of footage that we created from filming. We never knew what we were going to use it for, but all the stuff I filmed. My dad went into this archive. And when the company actually was dissolved and We kind of fell out at that point. He took all the tapes and the footage.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“My reckless sort of rebellious sort of attitude. And I mean, the only way I can put it is that I came before everyone at that point. You know, me and my ego and the world revolved around me. And I think before that point, even though I did have moments of being quite wayward and whatever, I was still... Caring, loving Ashley. You know, that's how I grew up. Yeah, I definitely came out of my box from that point on. And I guess to me at the time, it was like You only live once I don't fear anyone, whatever happens, happens. It was that whole thing that was going on, but. I'm still paying the price for those”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, man, just like. Definitely not making decisions purposely making decisions in life that. Going to come back to haunt me, you know. I mean, a big thing for me was My relationship at the time Gave up on, you know, I gave up on it. I became quite promiscuous. I abused the The celebrity that I had, you know, like I gave in to the temptation that was around me a lot more. And I really hurt my first partner. Being that person, and actually that resulted in In me having two kids out of my relationship. So two of my children who I love daily. Came from that situation. But I think that was like a big part of my like.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Was connected to that situation that was bridging the gap for me, you know, so I only had to be, I only had to focus and believe or whatever. So I believe in all that stuff. But when it comes to when my dad passed, I lost a lot of that Those beliefs I lost a lot of that understanding and I became slightly like Yeah, just lost. I was. I drank more. I cared less about myself, about where I was going and about what I wanted in life and stuff. Yeah, that led me on a different. Different sort of journey, you know. Me to some dark places, if I'm honest.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Him dying, I lost. I went off the rails a bit. And I went off the rails a bit when the sense of My ego took over and I lost. Any sort of spiritual Connection that I had with life or the universe up until that point you know I'm never been the most religious person but I've always been a believer in Like the universal law, right? And if I give, I will get in the way that things are meant to be. Happened in my life has been manifested in some sort of way. When I wanted to be in so solid, I knew who's so solid were before they knew who I was. And I looked in the mirror one day and said, I'm going to be in that group. And I was a little boy in the streets working out ways to... To be, and the universe can constantly bring in people around my situation.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Talking to him after it was like he's been through some shit. That's made him really like. But I hadn't been through anything like that. At that point, that was my first real. Kind of close encounter with. Death like and Having someone that meant so much to me pass away. But my first instinct was to work, to continue working, I continued working. I flew back for the funeral for literally one day, did the funeral and then I left, I went back to work. I just ploughed through and I didn't grieve. I don't think I have, you know, I don't. I don't know what you call it because even now, I want to break down now, just talking about it. I don't know. It's just like 2005, right? It's like 18 years or whatever. I mean, is that an indication that I haven't? Dealt with it enough. I don't know.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And they was like, look, we're going to take a break. You need to call home, actually. So I went to my trailer and called my partner at the time and she was like, sorry, man. I mean, he's gone. It's tough. It was tough, this tough moment, this tough moment. Yeah, and I was broken. Was broken. I never realized it would affect me that much. crazy but the one thing I remember from that moment is I went to my trailer I broke down some of the actors came like Troy Bryant she came in and she was just like just hugged me and I was just crying and stuff 50 came in. He won't remember this. And I know it wasn't malice or his bad intentions, but he was like. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. And then just started talking about a scene to someone, you know, when someone's like, sorry to hear about your dad, man. Anyway, whatever. And I was like.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“At bedtime, I laid in my bed awake every night just staring at the scene and thinking, he's gonna die here because. He was just coughing all through the night, man. It was like he was coughing up his lungs. Praying that it didn't happen there. And then he died, man. Left literally got off the plane. They rush him to hospital because he was going on the plane, rushed him to hospital, he died. Whilst I was filming, and you know, it wasn't the best way that I found out. I was filming at the time, I was doing a scene with 50. It was like a really emotional scene. Outside on location. The vibe just changed on set like In between takes, everyone stopped talking. It was quiet. It was like this. Producers were just like looking at me. I was like, nah. I knew. Something had happened. I knew something was wrong.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He was the bad kid of the bunch, and he just kind of got pushed out and that kind of led to his life and things happened, etc, etc. But I understood it from his point of view when I heard him talk about it. And I was like, actually, okay, I can see why you would be the person that you are. And actually, maybe you did me a favor by not being there too much because who would I be? Would I be the person I am today? But then, you know, after realizing I love this guy and I'm enjoying spending time with him and we were like good friends and we went to clubs together out there. This guy's like, you know, thin, like wafer thin, like on death's doorstep. And he was making the effort to come out with me and rave and do all of this stuff. At night”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In the end, when I delved deeper into who he was as a person, but all the things I was going through with women, with life, with, you know what I mean? He had a wealth of knowledge that he could speak to me about. He couldn't write it down, couldn't really articulate it. In the greatest way, but just listening to his kind of anecdotal stories and whatever I got what I needed to get from it and I filmed him kind of going through it But there was also a huge fear as well. I realized in that moment that he had genuine excuses for being the person he was. I mean, he grew up, he didn't have the greatest upbringing. He was in care. He was slightly neglected by his own parents.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So these letters were so just fucked up, man. It was just like, I had no idea that he had that issue. And I read these letters. I was like, wow. So that. Gave me another level to my hate for him. It was like. Now you're dumb as well. Do you know what I mean? It was like. Yeah, I really don't like, I don't know. So it was evil, but it was just another excuse for me not to like him, right? So cut back to being in Canada. I sat down with him and filmed And found out that he was one of the most intelligent people I know just from being street-wise, just from life experience. Do you get what I'm saying? It actually burnt me because I didn't want him to know anything. I didn't want him to have anything to really offer me.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“My dad came and I just decided to turn the camera on. So I did. So every night, you know, while he was there, he was like, you know, go and get me some weed. This guy had lung cancer. Could hardly breathe. He was like, go and get me some weed. And I'd get him some drink and stuff like that. And we'd be sitting there for hours, for hours and hours. And I just put the camera down on the table and just film him and just ask him the most random questions just about life. You know, where was you? Where was you at this time? Where was you at that time? Whatever. And the guy was like, For context, when I was in prison, I was in prison in like 2001, right? And he wrote to me a few times. And it was the first time I understood that my dad was illiterate. Like he couldn't read or write.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I had this thing back then that I was going to die when I was like 33. It had been something that I said to my mum from a young age and she was like randomly one day at like six, seven. You was like, you're going to die at 33 or whatever. And she was like, I don't know where you got that from, but you've been obsessed with that. And as an adult I was obsessed with the fact that I was going to die young, right? I wasn't going to survive past that age. So I got someone to start filming me every day. I got a friend to just start documenting my daily life on camera. When I went to Canada to shoot, I took the camera with me and just said, look, I'll get some footage myself. When you're not here.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, it's so funny you bring that book out because. I won't even read that I've ever read it, if I'm honest with you. And I mean, there's not that much to read, if I'm honest Yeah, probably that's how I felt for a lot of the time. I think those last two weeks when I was in, I was shooting Get Rich or Die and I was in Canada. He forced his way out. Come and see me because you know he knew how I felt about him and he knew he only had weeks left to live and he was like look I have to come and see you And he came and he lived with me for those like two weeks. And I was already in the process of like.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He didn't care. I mean, he cared about me, but he didn't care about the stuff that I was doing. He was like, that's meaningless. It's like, you know, all of that can be taken away anytime. You know, I'm glad you've got talent. I'm glad you feel fulfilled in what you're trying to achieve in life and your life goals and that butt. I wouldn't care if you did that or you didn't. It'd still be my son and I'd still love you as much as I do. And he was always concerned about my fight, my fight for perfection. I spend a lot of time To dig deep to make things perfect, right? It's only now I know that nothing can be perfect. There's no such thing And I think I eventually understood it's not always going to go my way, right? But I have to be slightly more willing to... Adapt to accept that. And when I have been More willing to accept it.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I just wanted him to be proud. If anything, I just love him to see me now. I'd love him to understand like. Who have become what I've achieved? I think in the beginning that was more about, that was like a stick a finger up sort of thing, like even without you, I did great, you know. But the reality is the last encounter I had with him was the most beautiful encounter. Maybe that I've ever had with any person that I love. And he said some things to me that really have stuck with me. I changed my life going forward.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I gotten into a room. And if I see people talking in the corner wondering, are they talking about me? Having that sort of thought process is tough, but I think it stems from... Rejection. I think it stems from being abandoned slightly. I mean, I hate to use that word, but because my mum will be. Upset about me using that terminology. Because she never understood and blessed her. My mum's a very intelligent woman, but one thing she couldn't understand emotionally was the fact that I still wanted him. And even up until he died and after he died, there was loads of moments where I was broken. And she was just like, what is wrong with you? Like, why? You know, you didn't really know him like that. Like, why are you, you know, she just didn't get that.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think not in that much detail, but I guess surface-wise that I wasn't good enough. I can only say that because of how I've treated myself. Because I never, generally, I never think. I'm good enough to be Anything that I'm doing. I always feel like there's always a sly little bit of me and it's like they're going to catch me out next week. I shouldn't have this opportunity. I'm always going to make the most of it. I'm always going to prove to people that I'm good enough to be here, but there's always that niggling doubt of what the other person's thinking about me. And that's something that I'm still working on today. I'm still working on the whole process of understanding like. Know someone else's opinion of me is none of my business. Do you know what I'm saying? And just accepting that.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I didn't get, I didn't know. I thought that was aggression. I thought that was don't take no shit from anyone. Do you know what I mean? Don't cry. Don't take no shit. Be hard, you know, try and stand up for yourself. But emotionally, I was incapable of the other stuff that really... A real picture of what a man is.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's to me, you know, and I started to follow in their footsteps a bit. Do you know what I mean? And adopt the same attitude, adopt the same swagger. I think even joining Solid was never about music for me in the beginning. It was about belonging. It was about like, it was the first time I was part of a gang and there was a lot of older men in there in that group that looked after me. And I took care of me and seemingly at the time loved me. Do you know what I'm saying as much as far as I was concerned? And I spent a lot of years bouncing around. The funny thing is about it is I was having success throughout this, you know, throughout this process, like making films and successful TV shows and music and stuff like that. So I guess that I had talent. You know, I had a gift. That was shining through, but... Learning how to be a man”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To my grands, to his mums, being chased by the police in the car, you know, him pushing my head down in the back. I just remember that image of him going like, look, keep your head down and stuff like that. And he was getting chased by police. And I laugh about it now. It's more an uneasy laugh happening. This is not me being proud of any of this. Those were my images. Those are my images and memories of being with my dad. But without fail, my mum said, do you want to go back? I'll go back, you know. I wanted a dad. He weren't the best dad, you know, but I was... For how he treated me, it became I'm going to find other. Figures, other figures, other role models in my community. So the local bad boys, the local dealers, they became”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Else has got a dad. Why haven't I got a dad? You know, I want to know my dad. So I'd give my mum a lot of credit because she would never badmouth him in front of me, even though I know that she wanted to. And she would always give me the option. So anytime he would come, she was like, would you like to go? And I would obviously go, and then I'd come back crying because something had happened, you know, like one of the, you know, my dad drank a lot. I remember one time he took me to a party. It was like a family party. It was like after a christening or something like that. And he got so drunk, and they threw him out. He had a fight with someone in the party and he got thrown out. I remember having to like, oh, you know, maybe like 10, 11 tops, having to carry him home, literally down the street, like carry this guy home”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Made me quite a difficult person to be around growing up and trying to explore that. So yeah, and I didn't know it was, that's why at the time. I didn't know it had anything to do with. Know not having my dad around. Like, my dad, when he was around, you know, he was in prison most of my childhood growing up. That was like France. He used to say he was in France. So to me and my younger brothers, like anytime, you know, my mom would be like he's in France or someone would say he's in France or whatever, that was like code for prison. Didn't know at the time it was something I learned later on. But he was in France a lot of times. You know what I mean? It was like. So there was a few phone conversations and stuff like that with him. Never had him there. And then when he would turn up, he would just turn up randomly at my house and stuff. And one thing I always remember is that I always wanted to go with him, right? Because he was a superhero to me. I didn't care as much as the other adults cared about the fact that he was, you know, in and out of my life and what damage that was doing to me and stuff like that. I was just like, I want to see my dad.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“My attitude towards life and towards other people was very, I mean it was wrong, you know, it was quite negative. I wanted to hurt people the way I was hurt. And sometimes I did, you know, sometimes I did. It came out in a lot of different ways. Some of the people I cared about, some of the people close to me, and some people I didn't know, random people, but got me into a lot of trouble with the police. Yeah, you know, I just didn't care about myself as a teen growing up. And look, I had some amazing supportive people around me. My mum is amazing. I've got an amazing family. But that one niggling thing of kind of being slightly lost about what a man is. Not feeling like I fit in rooms with other men, you know, in groups of people and stuff like that. Just like having this niggling doubt about myself all the time.”
2023-09-14 · The Diary of a CEO · Ashley Walters (Top Boy): "Me & Kano Didn't Have The Greatest Time!". The Unheard TRUTH About Top Boy, Career Rejection & Personal Grief! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT