YouSaid · the spoken record

Bill Burr

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77
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2017-09-18
most recent
2017-09-18
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1
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  1. “Yeah, I just do shit. I just get up and do something that day. And it's literally like I will go on to cook and stuff. So I'll go on YouTube and I'll see somebody. What I did recently, who's the guy from Hell's Kitchen? Gordon Ramsey.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  2. “But then totally stole all the focus, and everyone's just like, oh, whoa, you all right? And all the fun went out of the room. And then everyone was dealing with her. And then she left. And I said to my friend, I go, what the fuck was that? That was some rude shit. We were having a great time. And if you don't know how to say fucking hello, learn how to do it. They'll come in and take the whole thing away and just ruin. This thing, and that was the last time. That was the last time. I was like, fuck these awkward people. Like, if you really are. I don't want to bully people. I don't want to bully somebody if they really are socially awkward or something like that. I'll work with you. But if you just embraced, I'm awkward now the world has to deal with it.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  3. “I never forget one tag. I was in a green room in New York. I was living in LA and I met an old friend and we were talking about the old days about, and we remember this guy? Remember that night when this happened? We having a great time. And there was younger comics and they were listening than some people who actually were in the tail end of the stories. We're having this great time. And then this woman comes in, comedian, and she was like socially awkward and she didn't know how to get into it. So we're all, oh yeah, man, we're all laughing and everything. And she walked right into the middle of the circle. I swear to God, she just watched and going like, hello, hello, hello, hello. And she was like mocking, saying hello.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  4. “Fault thing. It's like, oh, great. Now I have to hold up both ends of the conversation. So I really just, those people, I kind of got hostile with. I'm just like, well, when you get over with that, you know, and you can fucking talk to me. Yeah, you are awkward. This is weird. And I also thought a lot of people, no, but a lot of people that do that, it's also a passive, aggressive thing to come in and fucking steal focus and we all have to deal with how awkward you are and make sure you're okay. It's like, fuck you, dude. You're in your 30s. Figure this out.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  5. “So then fortunately, I wasn't like clinically, so I didn't need any medicine. All I needed was, I just needed, I just became aware of it. And I'd be like, all right, well, there's that thought. Do you want to have that thought or do you want to go to the gym? I got back into playing drums, which was a great thing. And then I also stopped giving a shit about making it in a way where I was just like, you know what? Forget this. I'm just going to do what I do because I went through that whole period. I know many of you guys are trying to make it out here. You just go through that period where you're just like, oh, they like guys with, you know, whatever blue button-down shirts and you're wearing the blue button-down shirts and people who talk about this, like in my time, it's gone from the tail end of the sport coat guy into the grunge guy, into the alt scene, into the whole, whatever that period was where guys in their 30s acted like they were 14 and they were awkward. And just, you know, the hoodie like that. My wife called them, what you call them, not baby men or something, man boys. Man boys. That's what she called them. And I don't know. I'm just like awkward. There was this whole this.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  6. “I mean, maybe I was always depressed, but I didn't realize it. I think I just didn't realize it. And somewhere along the line, you know, one of the umpteen thousand poor women that ever came across me, like one of them finally told me to go to therapy. And I went there thinking like, yeah, I'm fine. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Then you start telling stories. And it was all this shit that I knew that happened but was just hovering. It's just over here and you're just going around in life. And then all of a sudden when you start talking about it, you say it out loud. It's like, oh, that's a real thing. Oh, that really did happen to me. It's like, and then you start thinking like, wow, I'm pretty fucked up. And, hey, and I'm not happy. I'm really not happy. I really started getting conscious of what my brain was telling me if my brain was like a friend, I would be like, yeah, dude, we can't do this anymore. You're just bumming me out, man. I mean, Jesus Christ, do you ever see the light? The fuck, you know?”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  7. “If you're being who you are, I would just adjust my shit so I wouldn't cause any friction so there wouldn't be any like, you know, the shit I dealt with coming up. I had enough of people screaming and yelling. I had enough of fighting and all that stuff that I would just adjust my behavior so then we would just be smooth. And I just think using that as a game plan eventually you're just going to, you're so going to spin away from who the hell you are that I think that also just focusing on stand up and not other areas of my life. I think that that's when the anger and all of that stuff started to come up. And then I kind of went like this completely different person. And I really started snapping about nothing for a good 12 years. I think just somewhere in there. Somewhere in there.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  8. “I just think I was just going full speed towards a wall because I thought I was normal, well adjusted. And even though I knew I had like a crazy temper, I had this period where I just was really just like, you know, I would be what you needed me to be. And, like, I really had, I was friends with everybody. Which is not a real thing.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  9. “All the other social shit that mortified me, I just stayed away from it. But that thing was like, I don't think I had another. Maybe I just was like, you know what's going to happen. It's like you riding a motorcycle. You know one of these days. You're going to go down. You just hope you're going to live.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  10. “Well, I fell off a lot of things and didn't get back on. But I also always knew if I was good at something or if I wasn't. Like, you know what I mean? Like, as much as I love playing drums and everything, I went to the music store enough times and saw an eight-year-old get on a drum kit. And I would like, dude, like I would pay you to take blesses. I just didn't have it. Like, it's a hobby. It's something I enjoy doing, but I would never subject anybody to it on a professional level. This helps me a lot with my ADD. I went down that road and I forgot the question.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  11. “No, it's true. That's actually really, really good advice. They try to see what you're watching and shit. If you bang your wife, they're going to keep”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  12. “Well, I think one of Tor and none of the jokes are done until I start getting sick of them. Then I'm like, all right, I need to record these and document these because they're going to start becoming not funny. Because they're starting to feel like a job to tell them. I'm sick of this joke and oh my God, I don't want to do this joke, and this is one so long. And I might not think that anymore. And those things, sometimes those things just drop away and you never record them or anything. So I'd say it's like that.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  13. “And I would take it out after I would do all the dental material and be like, Yeah, my job's so bad. Like, I have to wear this at work, and I would just put it on. And I had no joke. And I would put it on, and they'd sort of chuckle and be like waiting for the joke. And then behind the mask, like almost like muffled, I'd be like, I just take it away. And I put it back in my little duffel bag. And I'd walk away. It was just, it was horrible.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  14. “My punchline to that was like, oh, yeah, well, do you wipe your ass almost every time you take a shit? So for a while, I started closing on that choke and I would work totally squeaky clean, going up there looking like Ron Howard. And everybody's like, oh, look at this wholesome guy. And then out of nowhere, I would just end with, yeah, you wipe your ass so much every time you take his shit and then be like, good night, everybody. Like, dude, what's going on? I had no idea what I was doing. I actually was a prop act for a second where I had one prop. Like, that's the first whatever reason you're not allowed to have props in comedy. And acting, it's fine. I have no idea, right? So we had this dental mask, like when you really had some gnarly shit going on, they had these plastic things. It looked like a welder shield, but it was all plastic when just, I'll spare you the details. When stuff is flying at you. So I used to bring that.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  15. “Oh, yeah. No, no, I had all of it. I had all of it. My dad used to like. Used to set me up because he knew that I swear to God, if I had a late show, then he would go extra fast. He'd just go extra. Give me this. Give me that tingle. Christ, Bill, you're out to lunch. He would start giving me shit in front of the patient. I used to tell him, like, dad, you can't do that type of stuff. And he wasn't like that. But I got a lot of it out of patience. Like, I remember this guy came in. I used to work totally squeaky clean. Totally clean because I didn't want to offend anybody because I didn't want to get heckled because I was still this really shy person, right? So I remember this guy came in one time and like his teeth were all rotten out. And I just remember he said something like, like, doc, you know, I don't understand what the problem is. You know, I brushed my teeth almost every day, right? That's what he said.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  16. “So I had to keep it professional. And when I worked there was around the time when I started doing stand-up. And what sucked, I was still living at home. So he knew, because at the end of the night, he'd be like, where are you working tonight? And I would have like a gig in Maine living in Massachusetts. And I would for free. And I would drive up there maybe like five, ten bucks gas money, and I would drive all the way up. My dad would have like seven o'clock patients and shit. Like he worked like a lunatic, like from seven to seven. He would sidebook root canals on molars, which is three, you know, nerve involvements. We'd like numb up a guy. And then we'd go in the other room. And he didn't give a shit too. Like every one time some homeless guy came in. I finally got a lunch because you'd never get a lunch with him. This guy came in, you know, he was, you know, substance abuse and he was all, you know, and all these other guys I noticed would just give him medicine. They would leave. My dad would be like, yeah, just get him in there and blah, blah. And I was like pissed. And I'd be like, Dr.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  17. “Early 90s to mid 90s. I was working in. We work in a dental office, and I had been laid off The warehouse with the guy all coked up, right? But my car was paid off, thank God, and I was living at home. So I was kind of living like this little existence for like three months. And my dad started working with this other guy, went into practice with him, and he needed some, you know, I think he was just sick of watching me being around the house. So nepotism kicked in. And next thing you know, I got a lab coat and I'm standing next to him handing him all the shit as he's taking teeth out and stuff. And I had to get past the gross factor of that. And then I learned how to pour up models and stuff and take x-rays. And I was actually, I was halfway decent at it, but I knew that, you know, for half a second, I thought maybe, you know, I would do this. But what was funny was I had to call my father, Dr. Burr. I couldn't call him dad in front of a patient because that would be weird. Like, hey, dad.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  18. “I cherish it, and I'm not going to fucking I'm not going to be laying on my deathbed one time just thinking about how many hours I spent on a phone going person.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  19. “I never forgot that. I was like, oh yeah, I didn't even think that because I got this weird thing about money where I want to have it so I'm not broke, but I don't give a shit about it. But I also don't want to have debts so I don't overextend myself, but I don't give a shit about it. Like I will pay extra to not go through the process. I can't even, like, I don't use frequent flyer miles. Like my wife signed me up for them, but I don't use them ever because I don't want to go through the fucking, you know, logging in and all of a sudden I'm working for American Airlines. And I got to work for these fucking people. I'll buy my own ticket. I don't want to do this. Yeah, I won't cancel shit. Like I got like gym memberships I've never canceled because I'm not going through going on that stupid thing. And if you want to do this, press one. If you want to do that, press two. Like, I got, I don't know, like my free time.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  20. “This show Seeing this woman when I was in New York, and I remember she came over and I was making her dinner, whatever, and then I had a spot at the comic strip, which where I was living was right around the corner. So I said, I got to go run do a spot. And during the week, I mean, you know, she asked me, what do those spots pay? And they would like, the comedy strip was hilarious. It was like $5, $8, $7. And basically, you just going up there trying out material. And I went up there and I tried out new material and it worked and I was psyched and I came home and I finished like cooking the dinner or whatever. I think it was making I can't remember what I was making. And I did this stupid dance in the kitchen and she was laughing and I was dancing because I had this new material. I was excited. And then she got like this sad look on her face. She got I dance that bad? Like what's the matter, right? And she goes, no. She goes, I just wish I had a job where I got paid $8. I came home and danced in a kitchen.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  21. “Oh, I don't know. It was like the early 2000s, whatever that late 90s, early 2000s. It might have been a five, six year. I can't remember. I didn't worry about making it. I didn't worry about how I am going to make money. I just like I'm doing this. And when Billy got off stage, maybe it was the end of the night, I was like going, like, who do I call for open mics? Like, how do I do this? And I remember he wrote down, Rita. And Rita Choice, who was, she used to book it. And she was like back then like one of the big characters used to always run into a comedy club. So I used to call in to do open mics. And I remember she used to, once she got to know me and she thought I was kind of funny, I'd call up and be like, hey, hey, Rita, it's Bill Burr. I'd like to do it. And she goes, no, no, no, no, Bill. You call me and you say, Rita, this is open micril. She was always breaking balls. So I would always laugh and I would do it. And she was kind of like a test, like if you had a sense of humor about yourself and I gradually worked my way in to doing stand-up. You know, I remember one time I did a show. I've told this before, but I did.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  22. “I think a lot of the reasons why I started doing stand up was I just thought, okay, I'm going to get on stage, show people that I'm a funny guy and people will stop fucking with me. Like that was basically. And then I remember thinking that everything's going to fall into place. I'll meet the girl in my dreams. I'll make my money. I'll get whatever the hell I want a house. And so I only worked on getting better as a comedian. And then by the time I got to my mid-30s, like being a comedian was like 600 miles down the road and everything else was at the starting blocks and like literally like social interactions. I kept messing up relationships. I mean, I was 36. I was still sleeping on a futon. And what they called was a one-bedroom apartment, which was bullshit because I met the woman who lived upstairs who had the exact same apartment and hers was a studio. They just slammed a wall into mine.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  23. “Yeah, I think it was a lot like the show we do. Efforts for family with, where it was just like the parents just sent you outside. And some days you had good days. Sometimes you had bad days. Sometimes you just ran into bigger kids and they would just beat the shit out of you for no reason. I distinctly remember them putting in a pool one time and they were just the hell it is when they're smoothing out the concrete and this older kid dared me to throw a rock into it. So I wanted his approval. And I just took this big rock and this guy was just smoothing out and I just threw it down. This guy almost killed me. He almost killed me. So that's back when you could almost kill a kid, and it wasn't a problem. Was no cell phone video. It was all your word against theirs.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  24. “I just didn't have the patience for it, and I think the thing about drumming was the Sport background where it was like a real physical thing that it kind of came into play. And I just started playing and I played for like six, seven years. Somewhere during that time, I started playing. I started doing stand up. I moved to New York Your neighbors don't mind if you're strumming a guitar. You can't like play drums in a one bedroom apartment without pissing everybody off. So I kind of stopped for like five years before I got back into it. I grew up on Long Island.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  25. “Getting a drummer. I guess everyone was into music, you know, where I grew up and everything I love music, but I didn't stop playing drum sales almost like 20 years old. I started really late. And the reason for that was I was working in a warehouse and I came from a jock town, so everybody played sports, you know, pond hockey and all that. So I did a lot of that stuff. And I liked music, but there was only a couple of kids that played guitar and I wasn't around it. I didn't think it was possible. I thought what I was watching people doing on TV. I just didn't think he could do it. And then I started working in this warehouse and there was kids my age and they were from a different town that was more like kids put together bands and stuff and they were coming in like the songs I liked they could play it and I was like wow, it's amazing. So I started playing guitar.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  26. “I'll stand next to opium, we were just laughing, going, like, how dumb is this kid But then I was mortified afterwards because I thought. Because I knew a lot of stuff was coming up on people who are having phones, they had cameras, and I was just going, you know, everyone's going to see me get booed. This is going to be embarrassing. I didn't know how it was going to play. I just thought. People weren't going to understand”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  27. “Going If you ever get booed, you've got to come back if there's an encore. You got to go back. I think you got to go back. So I waved. And I remember there was this kid came running up because I trashed all of their teams because the Phillies hadn't won a World Series yet. They were like two years away from it at that point. And I just remember this kid was yelling at me. He was just going, he's going, he's going, fuck you, fuck you. Giving me the finger, yelling, fuck you. And I was standing there. He was like 30 yards away. I just kept going. I kept going, what? What? And he started going. I literally just, he's like giving me the finger. Like, I don't know what it is. I just kept going, one. I literally got the, he was like hopping mad. By the end, he was jumping up. I can't.”

    2017-09-18 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #265: Bill Burr — The Comedian's Comedian · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT