YouSaid · the spoken record

Brent Beshore

lines on the record: 187
first: 2024-06-11
most recent: 2024-06-11
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“And we're like, it's a recurring revenue business. We are for sure going to make, unlevered, we're going to make two million dollars this year, three million dollars the following year, $4 million the following year, and it will go up exactly $1 million in free cash flow every year into the future mathematically, you can create a formula to know exactly how much debt you can maximize in that business, you pull out the equity, the equity returns look out of this world, incredible. Because you know exactly the future is there's no risk in that. So businesses that have high predictability of revenues and incomes and feel like that they are, well, I shouldn't say feel, in this case, since we're creating a scenario, they know that”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Debt is not a source of return. It is an amplifier of return. So it makes good things be great. It can take mediocre things and destroy them. And of course it takes bad things and nukes them. The higher your confidence in the predictability of the future, the more debt you can use. I say can use, not should use. In a perfect world of perfect information where you and I own a business,”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They want to have things be okay. But it actually doesn't address the underlying issue at all. And then the third one is move away. So this is to isolate. And so if you watch all of your conflict will follow that pattern.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yelling, or who's like kind of like talking down to you like a very, very confrontational, right? That's kind of like one phase. And by the way, again, we do all three of these. We just depends on the order, but we all have an order to how we do these things. And then, by the way, how they interact with one another is super interesting as well. The second one is move towards the person. So the first one's move against. Second one's move towards. Move towards is we need to be okay. I'm not okay unless we're okay. Let's just gloss over whatever's happened. It's okay. It'll be fine. You know, let's just water under the bridge. Let's just move on, right? Avoidant. Well, it's avoidant in a way that is, it feels very relational, but it's actually not because it's not for the good of the other. It's actually for their good.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And again, I totally get this because I feel this way when you get rejected, it touches things that are way deeper than just that mere surface level rejection. So, when it travels down and starts ping ponging around and hitting all those things down below, that's where you get these outside reactions to things. And again, the response that you want to have is when you see somebody have an outsized reaction is to be, I can feel stupid, belittle them. Conflict pattern is something that I really have enjoyed studying. So we all have three basic moves in conflict. And actually, if you watch these, it's fun. Like now it's like whenever I engage in conflict, I know my pattern and I very much know my wife's pattern. And I try to guess then what other people's patterns are. You can watch people go through these phases. But there's called move against, which is like, no, you're wrong. Screw you. I want to like make you submit to me, right? Like it's like very much like a forced submission, right? So this is somebody who gets up in your face.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's that I think it's like a protective thing where you're like, okay, I can feel myself rising in competitiveness, rising in scarcity to meet their scarcity. And I'm like, oh, I don't like that. That's that dirty fuel that I feel like it's almost like a direct injection. Of dirty fuel into my system. And I'm like, ooh And then it's like, okay, well, even if I say, hey, I don't think we're in a position right now to probably do something on this, or I don't think the system, it would work for you engaging in the system right now. To show them a better way and encourage them, don't condemn them, right? I think that's the thing that we try to do now. Oftentimes, I think people don't take it as such. I mean, look, if somebody makes you an offer and you decline, there's rejection in that.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, it's just a signal. If anything, even if they are highly transactional and sort of my, like I have this like, it's like a weird feeling that rises up in me. It's like, ugh. Like, I don't know.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But it feels short term, feels transactional, feels extractive in what you offered. Did I misunderstand? And usually that reaction, the more defensive they are, the more kind of like, what are you talking about, right? Like the water we swim in culturally is transactive. Extractive. It removes control. It says, it says you will be okay if you can build your own kingdom. It's perfectly normal for that to be the way people interact and transact. Like, that is the norm. So I just want to be careful with how steeped in that somebody is and how much they've realized that maybe that there's a better way. And what I don't want to do is I don't want to, I don't want to come across as judging them or condemning them.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Amen. But I would also say the slight twist I'd make to that is and give grace that I will fall down. You will fall down and make offers to people, even though maybe we actually are like in a heart space most of the time that's not transactional. Happens to me all the time where I will fall down and do something transactional And so it's like, what I often do in that situation is say, hey, maybe this was unintentional. Maybe you're having a bad day, whatever the reason this came across to me as transactional. If I misinterpreted it, maybe I don't understand what you're actually the sin underneath it.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, and look, we admire greatness, like we're a society that worships outliers. And so you're not wrong to play that game. That is a game to be played. There is a game there, and it does lead to certain things that are good. It also makes you lose your soul. And also, I don't want to give the impression like we're trying to absolutely shoot the lights out in returns.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm going to lever this business to the moon. I'm going to try to use as little equity as I can. I'm going to try to sell it as quickly as I can to generate the highest return I can. There's no way to make good long-term decisions with short-term capital, with short-term time horizons. There's no way. And by the way, what are we doing? There's no way to create a long-term enjoyable, sustainable life by having a series of short-term transactional relationships that you move your life through. That's where you end up with these people who can buy anything who've made hundreds of millions, if not billions of dollars, who are miserable. Like I've met these people. Like they have their IRR etched on their tombstone. Like no one gives a shit. No one cares. At the end of the day. David Brooks, I think, calls him eulogy virtues.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I think there's real value in examining why is it that we have a system, especially in the leverage buyout world of private equity, where the norm is bi-lever strip and flip.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so, like, I don't want people who are sustainably like the whole finance world is full of just, you know, chewing people up and spitting them out. Use people as objects, right? Then they throw them away when the object doesn't become useful. I mean, my fantasy, and this may be, you know, how you look at delusions of grandeur, illusions of grander, is could we show people a better way that actually you create higher returns long term by treating people well? You create higher returns over time by using little to no debt, as weird as that is in the finance world. And believe me, I know all the people who are watching this. I get the math. You don't have to send me the math. I understand how leverage works. I can do the math too.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They're more engaged people. They're more active. Because, like, I don't want people who are working 80, 100 hours a week every week. Now, look, there are weeks where I work 100 hour weeks. Sometimes you got to get stuff done, right? So there's no shame in that. But if that's your norm, like you just cannot sustain a healthy lifestyle, healthy relationships, healthy physical body working that much consistently. Just no way. There's not enough time in the day to do it.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Construction worker on a job business we bought. Interesting questions to ask, right? We can't make anybody happy. We can't make anybody fulfilled. But we certainly can create an environment that allows more for them to be happy, free, fulfilled. This is where I think for the rest of my career, the engaging part for me, it's not been about money for a long time. Like thankfully, that was like I've not had to worry about money for a while. Now for me, I'm like, wow, what if when we buy a business, not only is the work environment better, maybe we allow them, provide the environment, maybe show them a better way, this idea of like everything's relative, right? Maybe we can show them a better way where their marriages get better. Friendships get better and their relationship with their children get better.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Again, we're imperfect. We screw up all the time. We're asking for forgiveness all the time. We say, sorry all the time. It's not. I don't want to paint this picture of idealistic. We've got it all together. We got a lot of things to work on, right? But I think most of the people are trying to operate out of position of abundance. Most of us are trying to work towards wins for everyone. We're trying to be thoughtful with not just the buyer and the seller, private equity. So we buy businesses. We're not trying to just think about the buyer and the seller, buyer being us, seller being the person who's selling us this thing. We're trying to be thoughtful about the executive leadership teams at these companies. We're trying to be thoughtful about the employees, the rank and file. We're trying to be responsible and be thoughtful towards our customers and our vendors and the communities, maybe even regulators, depending on the situation. What does a win look like for a community that we purchase a business in? I don't know. It's an interesting question. I think it's different for every business. What does a win look like for the...”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Not sustainable. So I think that's just something that we've really tried to pursue. And so, what does that practically look like, I think, is a question, right? It looks like not protecting yourself always all the time, but giving people the ability, if they want to act scarce, to do so, but in like lower stakes ways. So one of my favorite things to do is be almost open myself up to being taken advantage of early on in a relationship so that if they do, then you're like, okay, great. Like, and by the way, there's no judgment in this. It's not like how dare you or I'm somehow better, you know, whatever. It's just, hey, I just don't think you're in a position right now. I was there before, but you're not in a position right now to be able to engage in our system because our system requires a tremendous amount of mutual trust and care.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Care and create win-win relationships. I mean, that's really what we're trying to do. You know, one of our mentors, both of us, Peter Kaufman, talks a lot about this, right, as like the only sustainable long-term path is that everyone has to win or it won't work. If there's any losers in a system,”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I still battle this on a daily basis now. So it's not like, again, there's no victory declared here. But what is sustainable long term is not a sort of Mexican standoff with everyone in your life. I mean, that's how most business is done. It's like there's power structures and it's like, well, I'm going to make myself indispensable so you can't get rid of me, right? And it's like, oh, well, I wish I could get rid of that guy, but I can't. It's like that's a horrible confrontational competitive scarce mindset to be in business. I feel like this is the norm. Unfortunately, it's really the norm in the finance world. I mean, I feel like I've fell backwards into finance. I've joked on the Force Gump of private equity. And it is as scarce as it gets. I mean, it is all zero sum is how it's treated as we've moved towards a position of abundance as we've moved towards an ability to try to treat people with honor.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I'm coming oftentimes, I'm already coming from position strength. I do think, though, I would hope if I hit reset and I could go back knowing what I know now, life is just way better no matter how you slice it. Operating from a position of abundance and love and care, no matter if you have resources or not. But money makes you more of what you already are. And so if you look at people with tremendous amount of resources who made that money through scarcity and through high competition and through stepping on people on the way up, when they get to the top, they continue to exhibit that behavior. I think there are a number of people who experience that. And by the way, that was me in my 20s. My 20s were filled with doing what I was doing.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I think the lie that we tell ourselves is that if we don't act out of scarcity, that there won't be enough. And what that does is it isolates us. And it shuts us down and it isolates and shuts down everyone. I mean, anxiety is contagious. Scarcity is contagious. As soon as you look at the game theory of scarcity, as soon as one person acts scarce, the fear ripples through the entire crowd. And love is fragile. Care is genuinely fragile. This either this fear mindset or this abundance mindset, this love mindset, it requires a tremendous amount of protection in order to engage in it. And look, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I would often make the same decisions if I weren't already in a position of success.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Most people don't actually know how they want to be loved, like it's not something they think about. I mean, you can use this analogy at work too, right? Like, you know, a question will ask somebody's like, when do you really feel seen and appreciated? I think this is the question we're all trying to ask is like, how do we want to be loved and like really getting down on somebody's level with them and getting in the muck in the mire with them? Like, that's real relationship.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Why don't they love And then I started really being like, okay, I'm going to pretend like I have no preconceived notions of how somebody wants to be loved. I'm just going to ask him. And it's interesting most people both can tell you pretty quickly, but it's been shocking to them what comes out of their mouth.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that doesn't work very well because really what you're doing is you're loving yourself by doing that. And then I kind of went through a phase where I was like, okay, well, I'm going to love them the way they should want to be loved. That has worked well either”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I always try to tell my kids and my wife that I see them and I know them and I love them and that there's nothing they can do to ever move outside of my love for them. One of the questions I love asking my kids now is what do I do when you feel most loved? And then I really try to focus on doing those things for them. That's sort of the magic question that unlocks a tremendous amount of. intimacy with anyone really any friendship if you ask that same question you'd you'd be shocked i think what the answers you get because in my marriage and in my friendships in my relations with my children to some degree like i used to try to love them The way I wanted to be loved.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, this is actually a huge part of a lot of these changes that I've made in my life as well. How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. Like our habits are who we are. And habits are very sticky and hard to change. They require a tremendous amount of focus. And it's very difficult to add multiple habits at once is what I found. I'm also not a personality that loves habits. I don't love structure. I really enjoy Variety of life. And so, in many ways, like habits great on me. But I've really come as I get older to appreciate the value of good habits. And so the habits I try, and I would say these are most days, almost all days. I get up and the first thing I do is read and pray.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If it was like alternating between caffeine was one part of my day and alcohol was another part of my day. And now I don't drink caffeine and I don't drink alcohol for very different reasons, but both of them health related. And my life is way better before it. And so my excuse now, and I shouldn't say excuse, the way I think about it is like when I celebrate, it's the only time I let myself drink.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like, I could not drink and be okay, but I was drinking like three or four or five drinks a night every night. Like, you know, you get home and you open up a bottle of white and you're making dinner. We cook all the time. We love cooking. My wife and I is like kind of a core part of what we do. And we're making this meal. And, you know, open another bottle of wine, maybe a red, you have a little bit of that. And then it's like, oh man, you know, it would be really great tonight to have a little aged tequila or some cognac or something. And, you know, before long, it's like that really adds up and it affects your sleep. And for me, I just noticed like, you know, testosterone, the best definition I've heard of testosterone, what it does is it makes hard things seem easy. And so when I drink, hard things seem hard. And when I don't drink, hard things seem easier. Like I can very clearly tell. And so I just said it's not worth it and try to come up with other alternatives and how to get the ritual of it and the specialness of it. It's kind of like a, you know, you can mark your days, right? I mean, I went for a lot of my life.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I have an opportunity to move my body into experience this world. And so whether it's going on a run or a bike or playing a sport. And vice versa, right? And so I've seen this like wonderful, like I have more energy to play with my children and the relationships are better. And like I can, I feel better just in general. So like, you know, when you feel better and you can move better, it's all this like, it's like this virtuous upward loop, right? An inverse downward loop when those things start to fail. And so the alcohol thing, very long-winded way of saying it, I just noticed that when I drink alcohol, things felt hard. And turns out alcohol is one of men especially one of the biggest inhibitors of testosterone. And we think of testosterone as like the libido, you know, hormone or whatever. And it is, but that's not the point. Like, it wasn't like I was like, oh, well, I'm, you know, drinking. I was basically drinking almost every day. And I was drinking a lot. Like I got the point. I probably drank. To say this even now, I would never in a million years have defined myself as like with any sort of addiction.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Be healthy. I'm going to be a healthy person who's part of their identity. I'm going to work out every day. Now I'm not putting my salvation in that. I'm not putting my goodness in that. I don't think that people who work out are better than people who don't work out. But I'm going to make it a core part of me that I'm going to like honor this body that's been given to me. Like I've got one container in this life. And it's important. When I say basically every day, like I am now, I work with a couple people on the fitness side and like their biggest problem with me is that I work out too much now. Like literally this is not like a bragging thing. This is like I love it so much now. And this is something I hated door count. I hated it. I would dread it. I was out of shape. I mean, I hated working out. And so now it's like I feel the joy and I feel privileged that I get to work out.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He's like, why do you do that to yourself? And it's again, this idea we can't see each other, we can see each other clearly, we can't see ourselves clearly. That really flipped a switch in me. I was like, I'm not a fat kid.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I remember it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. You're right. And around that time, another good friend of ours, Patrick, I was on the phone with him. And the best of friends tell you the real truth. Like the pinnacle of friendship is to tell each other the real truth. The hard truth, the truth that the truth that you gain nothing from and you have everything to lose. Because that is true vulnerability. That is truly giving the other person control. And I remember Patrick took a risk and I'd said something. I used to make jokes about being a fat kid, right? This is that identity that was imprinted upon me. And they're funny. People laugh at jokes about being fat, right? Self-effacing and all the stuff. And he goes, would you knock that shit off? And it was like very stern voice. He was like, not okay. I've heard you say this over and over again. You made jokes about you. Like, not okay. Like, you got to quit that. You're not a fat kid.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And you told me that you're working out, or everyone's like, oh man, yeah, like I've got a news resolution. I'm going to drop some weight, you know, whatever. And it's just really hard to work out. And I felt kind of defeated about it because it's like you know when you're headed to failure. And it like sort of that's the thing about dieting, and that's the thing about these short bursts of Near's resolutions is like they head towards failure. Because they're not sustainable. And so I remember you saying this one thing to me that completely shifted internally how I thought about health. And you said, well, I just work out every day. It's part of my identity. Have a choice if I'm going to work out, I just have a choice what I do.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I was using food to do a job for me. And sometimes that job was in concert with joy and care. And sometimes that was in concert with pain. But food was like the tool of choice that would make me both feel out of control and in control at the same time. And so, as those sort of things started releasing and the junk that was underneath them that caused that pain started releasing, I felt a real freedom. You, I wrote this publicly in my annual letter this year, like you had a huge impact on me. And it's funny how we don't often, I don't think when you said it, you realize like how impactful it was going to be. But it was like a lightning bolt. You told me, I was complaining to you. I think it was maybe January 4th or 5th of last year.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think you're going to probably be always eating. And I was like, yes, I am always eating. Like, I always have a poll towards food, right? Because I was using food. And by the way, in a like. There are more maladaptive behaviors, right? It just happened to be one that you can't hide very well.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Gotten big. I started beginning of last year at 235-ish. So I was down from my peak, but it was just a battle. I'd been engaged in like a decade-long battle with like I'd, you know, tried this diet or that diet. I'd try to work out some, I'd make a little progress. I'd slip back. It was kind of like I had this set range. I really couldn't get outside of it. Kind of all part of the same transformation occurring at the same time, right? I found out that food. Was something I celebrated with. Something I turn to for comfort was how I express love and joy and care as my counselor said it sounds like you eat when you're sad and you eat when you're mad and you eat when you're happy.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that was an identity that I adopted. I always was just a little more overweight than everyone else. I wasn't like morbidly obese, but I was just, I care a lot of weight. I was athletic, but I was a little bit heavier. You know, when I became an entrepreneur, it was all consuming. I mean, my 20s were filled with, I had to win at all costs. I had to put every bit of energy into being successful. I thought that that was going to make me okay. So my 20s were filled with a single-minded pursuit of achievement. And I put on 50 plus pounds in my 20s. I tipped the scales at one point at 252. I remember I'll be on the scale and I was like, whoa.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, yeah, the last couple years have been An exploration of Interior and exterior. And I think a lot of our exterior lives reflect the accumulation of our interior lives. For me, it certainly did. can remember the first time I was called a fat kid. I was 10 years old.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Consuming it, you're a consumer of that thing. And I think that without a shift in mindset and the default assumption of the world is we are all consumers of one another. We are all eating one another, including in our marriages and personal relationships. And it's poison. Straight”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The view we have of every relationship sort of in that fear based, scarcity-based mindset is like, okay, well, Alexis Stokeville called it self-interest rightly understood, right? Which is like, I do things for you so you can do things for me. Like, that's not true love and care. That's loving yourself. There's a rabbi who calls that fish love, right? He says, you know, we treat our marriages like we do a good fish dinner, right? Where you're like, oh, I love this fish because it tastes good because it makes me feel warm, because it satisfies a need that I have, a desire that I have”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think is these great thoughts. Have all this wisdom so wise. Now, let alone my marriages disaster, my business disaster, all this stuff. It's like, well, yeah, but I can spout platitudes on Twitter and people will praise me for it, right? That's the lie. That's the trap. Yeah, as his healings occurred, it's like, I'm on social media far less, not because I actually genuinely want to help people. And like, when I have something to say that I think could be helpful, when I want to engage in conversation, like I'll go on and I'll engage in it. But I don't feel a need now to like hour by hour check and see how many people have liked whatever in my marriage. I'm trying to be somebody who's focused purely on the good for the other, focused on the good of my wife. Like, how can I serve her and love her with no expectation of reciprocity? Like, it sounds foreign. It would sound foreign to me.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Likes did I get right. But I found myself my personal relationship with people who like are we optimizing our lives for the people who know us best or the people who know us least? That's a question that haunts me. I've watched a lot of people up close and personal who the more you got to know them, Liked him. And I mean, that's honestly the lie that we all engage in, right? If people really knew me, would they love me? Would they even like me, right? There are people, a lot of people I've come in contact with. They're bigger on the outside than they are on the inside. Like, I want to be somebody. That was me, by the way. Like, I think we all have this temptation, right? The Instagram pick of, oh, my life's just a vacation. Everything's amazing, right? Twitter's the sort of the intellectual version of that.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Why? Because I could go online and tickle the ears of people and they would tell me, oh, this is a really insightful thing. This is really cool. Wow, you're so great, you know, whatever.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If I don't win them a loser, if I don't win, I'm not okay. If I don't win, all that stuff's going to bubble up from the basement and I'm going to feel terrible. I used to literally lose in tennis and feel terrible for days. Another thing, I would fight with my wife and I would go do a bunch of email. That's an interesting behavior. Why would I do that? Well, because I get praised for doing email. I get a lot of interactivity. Oh, hey, thank you so much for that. Oh, wow, it's 11 o'clock at night on a Friday night and just had a blowout fight with my wife. I'm going to go and do some emails because people are going to be like, oh, look how hard you work Friday night. Social media was deadening to me. If you look at the peak of my social media sort of addiction, it was probably five years ago to three years ago.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“My profession doesn't have to be competitive. When I go out and play tennis or pickleball with somebody, I don't have to win, but before I had to win because I'm a winner. Winners win, right?”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Elder Lee and the inverse of that is I get more freedom as I, you know, this stuff kind of comes out in relationships and friendships in my marriage in counseling sessions. You know, as this stuff kind of comes up now and there's healing around it, I find myself sitting in meetings and like letting other people talk. Imagine that, not having to always be the leader of everything, not having to have my identity based on short-term wins, not being competitive. Competitiveness is the opposite of relationship, is the antithesis of relationship. Like when we're competitive with somebody, it's I win and you lose. That's horrible, especially when you're dealing with...”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I craved that. I needed that. That was like my sort of my drug of choice in that setting to the degree that I almost lost my right eye as a result of excess cortisol in my system. And that's how stressed, and I wasn't stressed in the sense of yes, like what I've called normal stresses. There's always going to be sickness and death. And as we've grown as an organization, there's just a lot of people and a lot of people are a lot of brokenness. But I would say the vast majority of the stress I was experiencing was self-induced was because I wasn't okay and I knew I wasn't okay, but I didn't know how else to cope with it rather than try to get praise, try to grab things from other people, right? So I was encouraged, as Blace Pascal would say. I was the one who was inwardly focused and focused on my needs and what I wanted. I was not on the path to being an elder. I was on the track to be.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think it was genuinely like in my false self when I'm really charged up like I have a capacity to envision a future that a lot of people like. I know internally though my vision of that future is really driving my need to be liked, my need to be respected, my need to be praised. And so And I would have this high anxiety in these meetings, right? And then I'd get out of them and it's like, I mean, I'm so wired up So much cortisol in my system.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And by the way, I've been given a gift to be able to say things and think quickly on my feet that people genuinely were praising me. It's not like I hope, I mean, no one's perfect, but like we created an organization, a permanent equity that's very kindly confrontational about ideas. Like we want to be, we want a lot of friction. And so the last thing in the world I want to do is create an organization of yes men or yes women, right? We want divergent thinking. We want a lot of variety. And so I don't think that they were doing it because it was like, oh, boss, you're so good. You know, that type of like, you know, sycophant type type.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Always be running down all these different rabbit holes of what ifs might happen. And I've been given an incredible capacity to do that, which makes me my day job as an investor. It's really useful because I can run down a tremendous number of scenarios. My personal life, it's terrible. And I hate it. It's the dark side of creativity, right? When you have vision and creativity, you can envision a future that is beautiful and bright and loving and wonderful, or you can envision a terrible future, dystopian future. And so, yeah, I mean, examples of this. I mean, I would go into meetings and I would need to take over the meeting to get praise.”
2024-06-11 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Brent Beshore: Business Brilliance and Happiness at Home · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT