YouSaid · the spoken record

Carole Robin

lines on the record: 95
first: 2024-04-25
most recent: 2024-04-25
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“And inevitably somebody has had a time in their life where that has been true. And maybe it was true a lot. But then they decide that's the only outcome that's ever possible as opposed to part of growing up and becoming more mature is differentiating and being more discretionary in who we open up to and how we open up to them, right? It's like not, you know. I have a colleague who often says We have to think about these things as dials, not switches. It's not an all or not. I don't tell you everything or nothing. I don't chair every single feeling I've got or none. It's a dial. And, you know, you move it at 15% rate. Another mental model people hold, and this becomes a huge learning for people who go through our programs, is people think If I give you feedback, it's going to ruin the relationship. It's going to weaken the relationship.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I mean, there are some that are pretty tried and true. I mean, the first one is if I tell you more about me, you'll take advantage of me. If I am vulnerable with you or disclosing, you'll think I'm weak.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That drove my behaviors. And you know, mental models, then we develop them very early, and they're grooved, and we need new experiences in order to even believe that they are maybe subject to testing. Know gee, maybe this is, I mean, I got a forever be grateful to this fellow who said, oh my God, are you human after all? I was like, what? How did this ever happen that I became seen as not human? Never, right? So, and, you know, again, we go back to some of the stuff we talked about earlier, which is that leaders. If a leader doesn't show up with a willingness to update their mental models and their beliefs, they're certainly not going to inspire anybody else to do that.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And you know, it connects to something else you and I talked about. One of the biggest gifts I think people get out of taking touchy feely or going through the Leaders in Tech program or even reading the book is that they learn that they hold some mental models, some beliefs and assumptions. If I do this, that will happen. Or if I don't do this, this will happen. And those are beliefs and assumptions that we develop very early in our careers, like I did. Whatever you do, you leave the feelings in the parking lot. And it served me really well initially. If I'd burst out crying two months into the job, I'd have never ended up running a fifty million dollar region, right? And then it started, it overserved me, and then it cost me because I never had a reason to update it. Because I never realized I was paying a cost. For continuing to Belief”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That is normally what's going on, except we've all been socialized, not to be vulnerable, especially in business. And naming any of those other things makes us feel vulnerable. So somehow being angry doesn't make us feel vulnerable. That's the okay emotion as long as you express it in an appropriate way. It's a distancing emotion, what a disservice to you know, to everybody in business. What a disservice to professional learning to not help people understand that anger is a distancing emotion and that there are other emotions that are appropriate and that are connecting.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“A number of months ago, and a woman walked up to me and said, Wow, thank you so much. I've never understood that my husband carries so much fear and so much hurt, because he only ever leads with anger. It never even occurred to me something else might be going on. Anger is a distancing emotion. Whereas hurt, fear, sadness, loneliness, happiness, joy are all connecting emotions. Those are kinds of things people learn when they come through our programs.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And often under anger is either fear or hurt. And then I realized, oh, yeah, I'm actually feeling pretty scared here, that nobody is as worried about this as I am. And so he said, So on Monday morning, instead of getting up and blasting them all as I was prepared to do, I got up and I said So gang I am deeply worried and afraid that I'm the only person here who is as concerned about this missed deadline as I am and what it's going to mean to our customers and he said I have never had my troops rally to fix something faster. So, appropriate use of feelings is something most people don't know how to do. They don't even know how to access the feeling. You know, I told this particular anecdote about anger being a secondary emotion at a very big workshop.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know I'm old and this will sound predictable, but I am not a social media fan. I think it has done more to destroy strong relationships and to destroy people's ability to even learn or think about what it takes to have a great relationship. That's a whole, we could do a whole podcast on that. I have a former leaders in tech fellow who sent me this fantastic, here's another great example, sent me an email and maybe called, I don't remember, it doesn't matter. He said, you know, so I had my all hands meetings are every Monday morning. On Friday, I found out we had missed a major deadline on a product release, and I spent the entire weekend just furious, pissed off, wanting to fire the lot of em and he said, and then on Sunday afternoon I remembered part of what you taught us was that anger is often a secondary emotion.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And now, you know, there are times when a leader does have to stand up and say, yeah, we're crushing it. So I'm not this, you know, another really, really important thing that people don't understand is that all of this is very nuanced and very context dependent. And most people want unanswered. Tell me what to do when X happens. Well, did X happen with this person or this person? What kind of relationship do you have with them in the first place? Are there 20 people in the room or 250? Is this being recorded? You know, there's just so many different things. Who's going to have access to it? There's so many things that you have to consider. And especially today, I mean, I'm...”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Was of a former student of mine who had taken Touchy Feely fifteen years before and who said, you know, based on everything I learned 15 years ago from Carol, I couldn't imagine what I would learn if I came back. So I'm back. And he said, but Carol or no Carol, I will not sit around for four days talking about how we're all crushing it. I will leave. Was like, oh, I was so proud.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Allowing yourself to be known not just in terms of facts and Feelings give meaning to facts. Let me give you another example. If I tell you I went ziplining, well, that's kind of interesting. Maybe you learned something about me. Maybe you start to make up all sorts of interesting stories about me. But if I tell you I went zipliny and I was terrified, but I went because I felt coerced by my family and I didn't want to be left alone back and then miss out. Well, you learned a lot more about me, didn't you? One of my most satisfying moments at the very first leaders in tech retreat we ever did”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Let's start with you can start admitting mistakes, especially when everybody knows you made one. You actually lose a lot more credibility by ignoring it. And you can start, again, 15% by Experimenting with disclosing sharing what's going on for you, particularly with regard to feelings a little bit more often. And so there's a reason the course is called tachifili, emphasis on the feeling of a touchy. And that's because so much of our ability to develop this competence comes down to the appropriate use of feelings. That's why a vocabulary of feelings, how sad is that we had to develop a vocabulary feeling because that's how hard it is for people to even access what they're feeling. So there's a vocabulary feelings in the syllabus in the course, in the appendix of the book, every member, every person who ever goes through a leaders in tech program gets it. And it starts with.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I got crickets, and I got a little more excited, and I got crickets. And I was like, come on, you guys, this could be really cool. Why can't you see how cool this could be? And one of my guys leans in, looks at me, and says, Carol, is that like water in the corner of your eye? Oh my God, are you gonna cry? And then he says, Are you human after all? Are you human after all? And then I burst a cry. And I tore up our agenda, and I said, You don't think I'm human? I don't think there is anything more important for us to spend our offsite talking about than that. And we spent the next two days talking about who we were, why we were there, what we wanted, what was important to us, how we could help each other. To this day I believe that was the day I became a leader. To this day I know for a fact any of them would follow me anywhere.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, I am old, but the dinosaurs were not roaming the earth. And the first thing I learned was you leave feelings in the parking lot. Whatever you do, you never talk about your feelings or express feelings in the workplace. It's unprofessional. I was like, okay, I got pretty good at it. In fact, I got very good at it. Yeah, ironic given that I eventually became known as the Queen of Touchifilia at Stanford. But at the time, I got very good at it. I'm not a career academic. I've had six different careers. And ten years later, I'm at an off-site. And I've been promoted many times. I'm now running a $50 million region. I've got a half a dozen guys that work for me. And yes, ladies, if you're listening, I did finally fix that, but at that point, I still hadn't quite fixed it. And we're sitting there. And I had an idea. It doesn't matter what it was, but I got a little excited about it.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You asked me whether or not I held any contrarian views, and I said, Yeah, that's one of them. I actually think that a leader who is willing to be appropriately vulnerable. Is a stronger leader. So I'll give you this short example of what happened to me because it tells, you know, it kind of encompasses a lot of what we've been talking about. So in 1975, I went to work for the largest industrial automation company in the world. The first woman in a non clerical job. I was a sales engineer.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, you know, I think in business and for a very long time, you know, leaders were socialized to, first of all, leave all feelings in the parking lot. I've got an anecdote I often tell about my very first job, which I'm happy to tell you if you want. And, you know, there's no place, there's no place for vulnerability or for sharing feelings. Are you kidding feelings in the workplace? Now, I ask you, how do you inspire anybody with no feelings? How do you motivate anybody with no feelings? How do you become seen as a real person with no feelings? Who is robotic follow you? And the answer to that sometimes in the valley especially is because they're going to follow you for a while because you've got a really great idea. And the minute they've got another choice, man, they are out of there.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So I can get up and say, okay, probably no secret to most of you. That's the third month in a row we've lost share. And man, I wish I could stand up here and tell you I know exactly what's happening and I know exactly what we should do about it. But I don't. And I have never needed you all more? Now who would you rather follow”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, of course context matters Depends on who I'm talking to. And by the way, Disclosure. I want to underscore a concept that we also very much teach, which is appropriate disclosure. If I'm the VP of marketing and I get up in front of the troops and I say, well, third month in a row we've lost share. And, you know, I have no idea what's happening or why or what to do about it. And, you know, I'm feeling pretty crappy about myself. I'm not even sure I should be your VP of marketing that might be vulnerable in disclosure, but it is not appropriate vulnerability and that's not what we're talking about. The flip side of that is that I get up in front of the troops and I pretend nothing is happening. That doesn't build my credibility either.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, step a little bit outside your comfort zone. If you step a little bit outside your comfort zone, you're very unlikely to freak yourself or the other person out. But you'll know you'll feel a little bit. You'll be like, okay, I feel just a little uncomfortable saying this, but I think I'm going to try it. And then depending on how you respond. You know, we settle into a new comfort zone, a slightly larger circle, which is our comfort zone with each other. Then we go fifteen percent beyond that And that's how we learn and grow and deepen a relationship. The same thing, by the way, applies to feedback when we get into that later. So we have to step outside our comfort zone in order to deepen and strengthen relationships.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's this really important circle in the middle, which is called the learning zone. You know, in academia, they have to have fancy words for very easy concepts, so it's called the zone of proximal development. But basically it means that's where you learn. And you have to step outside your comfort zone in order to learn anything, and especially in order to create a deeper connection with somebody. However, my students used to say, but Carol, the minute I step outside my comfort zone, how do I know I'm not in my danger zone? I hear this, you know, learning zone, but how do I know I didn't go too far? So we came up with the 15%.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Then seeing what happens and whether or not you reciprocate. Now, a really important concept we teach that you and I have talked about before is called the 15% rule. And what that is, is that we all have a comfort zone. Imagine a circle in the middle called the comfort zone. This picture is in the book. And we don't think twice about what we say. And then there is a danger zone, which is a circle way on the outside. So these are concentric circles if you're not watching this.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, first of all You know, when we disclose, we make ourselves more vulnerable. Vulnerability and disclosure tend to be reciprocal. If I hold my cards really close, you're going to hold your cards even closer. So, one of the things to learn to do is to experiment in what works with one person isn't going to work with somebody else necessarily because every relationship is its own fabulously interesting and always unfolding dynamic is to experiment with allowing myself to be a little bit more known.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, there you go. So it's probably April 30th. So check it out. You have to be nominated in order to apply. Don't let that stop you. If you look at it all and you decide you want to apply, Just apply and say, Carol, I listened to Carol Robin on this podcast and told me to apply.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Around when this episode comes out. So we do these four day retreats all year. So there's no deadline to apply for that. But if you're interested in the 10-month program that starts with the four-day retreat and then has all that additional stuff, then the deadline for that is May 1 actually might even how many days it might be April 30th. I don't remember how many days there are in April. It's either the last day of April or May one.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“For now. So that is where people get the real on the ground experience. They all get a copy of the book. And of course, if you don't want to go through the program, or it's not the right time, or you want to start somewhere else, you could start with the book, but If you just buy the book and you read it and you put it back in your shelf, you're not going to learn anything. Don't waste your money. You're going to buy the book, buy at least one other copy and give it to somebody with whom you actually want to develop a stronger relationship and read it together. And do the activities at the end of every book. And then you start to get a taste of what it's like to go through the course”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And, you know, what we're trying to do is we're trying to influence the cultures of the future Facebooks and Googles of the world, not the current ones. And so that program was very, you know, has a more limited number of people that can apply to it. However, one of the things that happened was we got a lot of people said, but I'm not a founder, and I still want that. And we also had fellows who went through the program that said, what about my people, my chief people officer, my VP of engineering? And so then we started just a four-day version of the Touchy Feeling, which anybody could apply to. I mean, actually, not anybody. You do have to be a manager of some kind. And you do have to be in tech.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Then what happened was that our fellows who went through our first couple of cohorts said, because the fellows program is open to founders, either current or previous founders or co-founders of a company that has not gone public.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So leaders in tech is a nonprofit that two of my co-founders and I started in the, I guess in January of 2018. We started it with a program called the Fellows program, which is a 10 month program that starts with a four-day retreat that's like touchy-feely on steroids, because Touchy Feel is a quarter-long class. And then it continues on a monthly basis for a day or a half a day, a month, to get the rest of what we might call Carol Robin curriculum. Because I also taught, of course, called high-performance leadership. I also called leadership coaching and mentoring. So there were other things besides touchy feeling.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The second conversation was a little more uncomfortable, but I sure feel a lot more known. And I think I know my partner a little bit more. And now they've had a little taste of what it's going to be like.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Relationships is through disclosure, through allowing ourselves to become more known. So that's a little mini lecture. And then I say, okay, now I go back into your pair and see whether or not you want to make some new choices. And then, you know, of course, that's all, you know, I always say confidentiality is a very important aspect of all this work. So in the pair conversations, in the group conversations, I call them the vagus rule, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. And so I don't ask for any specifics, but I'll ask them for it, was there a qualitative difference between the first and second conversation. And they inevitably say, oh my God, the first conversation is the conversation I have in the bar all the time with somebody.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You actually probably never even think about. You had a choice whether you began by sharing something or you waited for the other person to be. You had a choice whether you began with a question which was a nice, safe place to be, or whether you began with a disclosure. You then had an opportunity at choices with regard to how you responded to what your partner did. And the whole course is about having interactions and then having the guidance and the space and the time and the focus to unpack what just happened. So now, do you want to have more conversation with this person or less? Are you intrigued or are you like, can I just get paired up with somebody else, right? But now we get to talk about it. And then I put them into a second conversation and I say, okay, now having learned that, that, by the way, one of the ways we build relationship.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Given a task, like I might pair two students up and say, okay, you've got 10 minutes, allow the other person to get to know you. And that's the only instruction I give. So now you and I kind of look at each other, and we're like, I don't know what the heck that's supposed to mean. And then, you know, maybe I share something about myself, or maybe I ask you a question, or who knows what I do with that? And then who knows what you do with it? So after 10 minutes, then I stop them and I say, okay, so take a moment and recognize that you just had a bunch of choices.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Sure. I mean, I think that. We don't learn to be in. I don't learn how to connect with you by reading about it in a book, which, by the way, is why it took us four years to write our book because at the end of every chapter, there's a here are things you can go do with what you just learned in the reading. And likewise, in the class, the lectures are like scaffolding on which you can hang your experience, but most of the learning happens in these small groups called T groups. The T stands for training, not therapy. And sometimes people think they sound like therapy and they sometimes even experience them as feeling a little bit like therapy, but that's not what they are. We call them training groups. And what happens in that group is that there's 12 participants and two facilitators. They are, for example,”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Showing up in a way that other people Come to see you as a referent figure, somebody in their life that they say, you know, when I grow up, I want to be more like that. And that is a form of power. There's a lot of research that supports this referent power. You're a referent figure. And then people are much more likely to... Be open to your influence and open to working harder and open to doing some of the things that You believe are going to make you great as a whole organization.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“In the end, that's the question leaders should ask themselves. Why should somebody follow me? And you know what you could study other leaders? Why did somebody follow Steve Jobs? Why did somebody follow, you know, Ursula, you know, at Xerox? Why did some people follow Cheryl Sandberg? Or why should somebody follow me because I'm not any of those people? So, the question I asked my students to sit in, and now my leaders and tech participants to sit in is why should somebody follow you? There are lots of reasons why people might follow you. You've got a great vision that's very inspiring. You have a product that they want to bring into the world. They think they may make a lot of money if they hitch their wagon to you. Those are all good reasons. But if you want to build a sustainable long-term legacy, Then you probably want to think about.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, first of all, it's a quarter long class. And at a really fundamental level, we've already really talked about what goes on there. People learn how to be more interpersonally competent or how to connect with other people in more functional ways. And what I mean by connect is, you know, learn how I need to show up in order for you to feel, to trust me, in order for you to feel closer to me, in order for you to want to spend more time with me in a leadership. By the way, this is part of the leadership curriculum I taught, in a leadership sense, that makes you more likely to want to follow me.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And, you know, and now I get thank you for finally writing a book because my VP of product didn't go to Stanford and doesn't understand what I'm talking about. So at least I bought him a book. And now I've got more and more folks sending people to Leaders in Tech, which we can talk about later, which is the nonprofit I started after I left Stanford so that more and more people can learn this from more than just a book.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To your question, I've lost track of how many hundreds of emails and calls and visits I've had from former students who come to tell me I just became a CEO, I'm pretty sure I owe it all to you. I just raised my third round. I'm pretty sure I owe it all to you. I just figured out how my co-founder and I are going to navigate this very difficult situation we're in. Thank you for everything you taught me. And those are exceedingly satisfying. And I'll tell you even more, even more rewarding for me are the, I'm pretty sure your class just saved my marriage. I just reconciled my relationship with my brother, who I hadn't talked to for two years because he voted for X and I voted for Y. We don't need to get into who X and YR.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Obviously, I taught a course for many, many years at Stanford Business School, and it was the Stanford Business School, by the way. It wasn't hidden away somewhere in the psychology department. And that's because the premise of the course is that people do business with people, not ideas, not products, not machines, not tactics, strategies, not even money. They do business with people. So you better get the people part right if you really want to succeed. interpersonal competence is a determinant of both personal and professional success so”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Take them all the way to exceptional, but at least you've gained what you need to know in order to get to functional and robust. And I believe if we had a critical mass of human beings on this planet who had those skills and knew how to get to at least robust and functional, we wouldn't just have more functional teams and organizations. We'd have stronger communities. We'd have more functional schools. We might in my wildest dreams even have a more functional government. And so that's kind of my life's mission.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“By the way, contact no connection, those are thousands of Facebook friends. That is, those are not relationships. And those are not friends in my vocabulary. At the other end of the continuum is what my co-author, David Bradford, and I came to call exceptional. And exceptional relationships have a particular set of characteristics that I can get into if you want to. But before I even do that, we're not suggesting, and I'm not suggesting, that everybody needs to turn every one of their relationships into something exceptional. That would be, first of all, impractical. Second of all, unnecessary. But it turns out that the skills you need to move along that continuum actually take you from contact and no connection and dysfunction to at least functional and robust. And then once you've acquired those skills, then you can decide whether or not you want to take a few of those relationships a lot farther.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think that most people experience a richer, fuller, more meaningful life when they have at least some high quality relationships. Or maybe put the other way, if you have none, it's unlikely you're going to experience quite as rich and full a life. So I often talk about relationships exist on a continuum. At one end of the continuum is contact and no connection. Or we could also say dysfunction.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What a disservice to not help people understand that anger is a distancing emotion, and there are other emotions that are connecting.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“We don't understand that we are only privy to two out of the three. So I know what's going on for me, and I know what I did. I have no idea what happened on your end.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I feel that you don't care and I feel you're being insensitive are not feelings. And that's where we make our biggest mistakes when it comes to feedback.”
2024-04-25 · Lenny's Podcast · How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source