YouSaid · the spoken record

Catherine Hoke

lines on the record: 137
first: 2018-01-21
most recent: 2018-01-21
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“A big thing that we do at DeFi, we are a nonprofit organization. We work with people who have been through a lot of things, who have done a lot of things, but we say one of our driving values is partner, not pity. And if you come to prison with us, Tim or anybody else, you will see I instruct people when I'm leading an event. You are not to feel sorry for anyone here. This is not some like hug a thug, come feel sorry for these guys. Look at them in the eye with respect and empathy. And that is so empowering and awesome and fun and magical. And people leave prison and I think it leaves for our volunteers. It leaves a real mark on them and gives them a lot to think about for their own lives. And many of our volunteers leave going, wow, I can be doing so much more. They feel insane. by the drive of our”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Your thumb the whole bus ride home and say you hate defy, or just like we say at Defy, you know, you can use the feedback to up your game and come back and be a better judge the next time around. And so”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In the day, the EITs all get voting tickets, and I'm like, all right, the judges have been voting in your business ideas all day long. Now it's the EIT's turn, so volunteers get your toes at the line so they all line up at this stretchy line of duct tape through the gym. And I tell them, put your hands up with your best beggar's body language with puppy dog eyes, language that says choose me. And the EIT's go and they have 10 tickets, and there are sometimes seventy volunteers in the gym, and they walk up to the volunteer and they look them in the eyeballs, and they say Tim, I choose you. And that's all they're allowed to say is I choose you. And then the volunteers compete for who gets the most tickets. And so we see who the top volunteers. And if the volunteers don't get as many tickets, because we tell the EITs, pick the ones who are the best judges who give the best feedback. So when the volunteers don't get as many tickets, I'm like, look, you can say the system is rigged and you can.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It is really wonderful. We tell the guys in a men's prison twerk at your own risk. Ladies keep below the waist immobile. It's not totally equal opportunity in a guy's prison. But no, we use, so they don't have to be good dance moves. We say keep them rated G, which is G is for goofy, but we use a lot of fun, emotion, and intensity. And then we use our love of the entrepreneurial journey to bring out the best in people. So everything that we do at DeFy, not everything, but almost everything is super competitive. And our EITs are delivering these shark tank pitches and the volunteers are giving feedback. And it brings out the best in people. And then we turn the table. So I'm big on leveling the playing field all the time. So sometimes these fancy CEOs and VCs come to prison and they're, you know, they're going to be the shark tank judges. That's great. Well, then at one point in the...”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“High in prison. We actually use a lot of fun. We do something called the innovative dance, which is you have to get from one side of the sweaty gym to the other using an innovative move. And a lot of our volunteers are like 40 and 50 year old white dudes who have no dance moves.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We create a safe and incredibly emotionally and physically safe place in prison, even in a maximum security prison, where people can let their tough guy or girl guards down and just be human and be seen and loved and accepted for who they are. And I think that's something that all of us want in life is to be seen and known and to not have to put up a facade. It's so relaxing when we can actually realize that we can just be us and I am good enough. So step to the line is a really special unique ingredient of what we do that is empathy inducing and grace inducing. And then we do a lot of other things. So I say that at defy events, we do the worm where we go up and down, we get high legally.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Our volunteers regularly say that our step to the line exercise is one of the most eye-opening, profound experiences, not just of defy, but of their lives. We build empathy through it. Some of our volunteers have said that it's like free therapy. We talk about forgiveness at the line, like step to the line if you haven't forgiven yourself, step to the line if you haven't forgiven someone else. I issue a challenge. Like step to the line of not forgiving yourself or others is still hurting you to this day. And then everyone who's at the line, I'm like, you know what time it is now. You know, choose. I forgive me. So step to the line is a really powerful exercise. And it's not just for our volunteers. For our entrepreneurs and training.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Read it to yourself, which is great. Reading it quietly is nice. Reading it aloud is better, and then we have them partner up and we have a partner pound it into their brain. So have someone say it to you with conviction. And one of our EITs I love this, he said, now every morning when I wake up, I look in the mirror and I say I love you. What would all of us in this world? Who would we be if we woke up every morning and we said with conviction in the mirror I love you I believe in you You can do it today will be awesome Because if we actually believe that about ourselves, we have no idea how much we're capable of, how many good and beautiful acts we're capable of.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A lifetime of negative brain trash and experiences that back up the brain trash. But if you meditate that on that, you might actually see that to become true for you. So I've done this in my own life and I've seen so many of my own lies in my head turn. Or for example, some of our EITs, like our male EITs were, say, abandoned by their mother, who is a drug addict, or they were cheated on by their girlfriends or their wives. So they're like, I will never trust another woman. Okay, that's a self-limiting belief. And I say, has that been serving you in your life? So a self-freeing belief that might replace that is. I have developed judgment and discernment to know that there are some people who will not have my best interests at heart, but that there are other people that I can trust and am willing to trust.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I just made that up on the spot, but like that's a more realistic version than I'm a supermodel. So the person who was found in a dumpster, if he replaces his self-limiting belief with I know that I matter to some people in life, and I don't matter to everybody, but I'm okay even when some people don't see my value because I do have a community of people who see value in me. And for example, then their defined mentors and their fellow EITs reinforce that message for them. That's a reality that can change your life in your future. Because if you think that you matter in the world and that you're not a piece of trash, and if you say, I have the ability to develop skills in an education that will lend me a job, I have the ability to not only stay out of prison, but to start a legal business that will thrive. I know that I am in a program that supports me toward my goals. Then you're actually going to start working that way. And when you meditate on that every single morning and thirty days is not enough to reverse.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Self limiting belief to an unrealistic self-reging belief, then you're feeding yourself, you know, something that your brain is never going to believe. And so, for example, say you're not a very good looking human being. And so you're a self-limiting belief is, I am ugly, therefore I will never get a date. Well, if you replace that with a self-rene belief of I'm a supermodel and I can date anyone I want, your brain will know that you're trying to trick yourself and it's not going to be effective. But if you replace that with a self rein belief that it says I have some really nice features and I know that some people will appreciate me for who I am, and I have a great personality, therefore I will I am capable of finding love in my life. So that's a more”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If that guy is able to replace these values with positive ones that he can find from a program like Defy, that he can find from positive friends, that he can find from most religions universally like my life matters. I can have a purpose. What we tell people when they're writing their self-freeing beliefs is if you go from”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If we think that we're a piece of trash, and this relates to like hope is a cure for violence, if I think I'm a piece of trash who will never amount to anything, why not just go do destructive things? Because sometimes if I do destructive things, I get attention for it. And sometimes hurting myself feels good. Sometimes it makes me feel alive when I feel like I'm not worthy of living anyway. So I'll continue to hurt other people and throw myself away because, you know what, my dad was in prison too from what I learned and I belong in this place.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Literally found him in a dumpster and that was in his file. So the self-limiting beliefs, if you're found in a dumpster that could form out of that, whether you're aware of them or not, might be nobody loves me. I can never trust authorities. I do not belong. I was not wanted in the world. I am trash, right? Like there's so many self-loving beliefs that could come out of that. And if we never take a moment to realize the values that have shaped us and where they came from, because values are often just handed to us through our parents or our lack of parents or through religion or culture. If that guy never stops to think about that, then he's now an adult man. Thirty years old, thinking I am a piece of trash, well”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What does a session look like? There's self limiting beliefs, which is the negative tape that is playing in our brain whether we realize that that tape is playing or not. And then the exercise is to replace the self freeing beliefs, or sorry, this to replace the self-limiting beliefs with self-freeing beliefs. Now, according to our course in self-limiting beliefs, these can be lies that sometimes we don't even realize that we're telling them to ourselves because we just adopted them through experiences that we might have had when we were three years old. And we can have self-limiting beliefs about ourselves, about other people, about God, really about anything. So I'll give you an example. One of our EITs was telling me that When he was three years old, he was found by CPS in a dumpster.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Boy, anytime that I'm gonna fight or an argument with anybody, right? I'm like, my side is right because I believe this and you're wrong. And my decision is the right way to go. And especially when I am making a decision that I think is based on a lot of experience or data, it's so easy for my brain to just jump to that conclusion. And that's arrogance. I mean, sometimes it's experience or what are you can call it? My decision, and if the way that I'm making that person feel as important to me, then maybe I should reconsider my course of action as well. Does that make sense?”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I learned that from a friend of mine named Dan Takini who does some of our character development courses for DeFi, but I've seen that in my life, like when I'm angry, my brain seems to think it's really right about whatever I'm angry about. And So, if I realize that my brain can't be angry and curious at the same time, if I choose to set aside my own judgments or need to be right, then I can ask questions. And a lot of what we do at Defy is working on creating empathy and understanding where the other side is coming from. And it's amazing what a case I can build in my own brain. But then when I start to understand the other person's pain or point of view. How wrong I can be.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Get stubborn about forgiveness. If there's one message I could share with the world, if there's one impact I could have, I don't think it'd even be about prison. It would be Choose forgiveness for yourself and for others who have hurt you, and if you forgive them, Maybe one day your feelings will catch up, but it might help you to reshape a whole new future.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You forgive me, even if I didn't offend you. And if that person washes the dirty water in my own brain, it's pretty helpful. And at defy, I think a reason why our amazing CEOs, we have four thousand four hundred volunteers, and I think people keep coming back to us because when they're there in prison with us and we have events outside of prison too, people are part of a community that rallies around shared values of forgiveness and second chances. And I don't care how fancy your credentials are when you're in prison. You're just a human who has made mistakes. And even though you've made those mistakes, you are lovable and you are acceptable and you are worthy and you are good enough. And if you come with us, you're going to feel that in your bones.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I forgive me, I forgive me, and I say it over and over again, and then the next morning I guarantee you my stubborn brain's gonna wake up and tell me how much I suck again. And then I overpower it. And then it's not just me, but if I can find a friend who believes in grace and second chances, I can tell them, hey, I'm struggling with this. My brain is telling me how much I suck.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I know so many people on this side of the fences who are not incarcerated who live like they're locked up because you pound your brain with hateful messages that keep you from living your best. So what I say is if you want forgiveness, Actually, quite simple. People say, oh, it's easier, it sounds easier than it is. Actually, it's really simple. Say, I forgive me or I forgive him. And then I'm a super stubborn person. And so I say get stubborn about forgiveness because if I say, oh, I forgive me. Like I forgive me for my scandal. Then two seconds later my brain's going to shoot back. No, you don't, you loser. You suck. Like that whole negative message. So then if I get stubborn about forgiveness, I say no, brain, I forgive me.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So you have a choice here. You want to keep that big ball of hate all to yourself? Think back to the last time that your hate decided for you. When we don't forgive ourselves or others, we live in the At Defy, our program is called CEO of Your New Life. We're all here. And I bet every one of your listeners, Tim, is here because they want a better future So, if you choose unforgiveness, you're choosing to be shackled by your past. Own past decisions or your past feelings of negativity about somebody else. And the people I serve are physically incarcerated. Their bodies are locked up. But we're the only ones who can incarcerate our mind and our heart.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You're not going to feel like forgiving yourself, and forgiveness is not something that we earn. There's no amount of good deeds that you can make up for your victim's pain or loss. And if you're waiting for that to happen, you're never going to get there. And I ask questions like, who would you be if you chose to forgive yourself Why aren't you forgiving yourself? Or why aren't you forgiving somebody else? And I ask, think back to the most painful thing that has ever been done to you. The person who's offended you the most, the person that you cannot forgive or refuse to forgive. You think back to that incident, what are the feelings? said Bru, Answers are usually like revenge or vengeance or hate, depression, pain. You know, I've never heard of a good thing. And I'm like, all right.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Where they identify what is called self-limiting beliefs, like lies that we tell ourselves. And the problem with this exercise is that sometimes it's really hard to identify the log that is in our own eye. So sometimes our friends can hear it come out in our, like if I'm like, oh, I'm going to fail in this podcast with Tim. Like if I say that aloud, maybe a friend of mine can pick up on that and be like, that's one of your self-limiting beliefs. And then we have them write out their self-freeing beliefs. And then we tell them to meditate on it every day, every morning for a minimum of 30 days, and then read it aloud to somebody else. But a lot of reversing the message of shame is what we say is a choice to forgive. And what we teach at Defy is that forgiveness is not a feeling.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I don't know anyone who has any ounce of dignity, or even who doesn't, who would allow another human being to walk up and get in their face and say that. But many of us are not only tolerant of that voice of shame that we feed ourselves all day long. It's almost like we encourage it. Like we say, yeah, you are a loser. And we keep pounding that into our own brains. And so had to fi. We do something called affirmations, and it's cheesy. And I tell our EITs, fake it till you make it. Pick your head up, and I want you belting this out at the top of your lungs like you're a proud army. And they say things like I am worthy of the love I am receiving. I am an entrepreneur. I forgive me. I am forgiven. And we have a whole list of affirmations. And we also go through this exercise.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In prison, when our volunteers, including our CEOs, come in, I say, Talk to share with your partner what your voice of shame is in your head. The tape of shame that keeps playing in your head, what does it say? Say it out loud. And people regularly say the same thing, whether they're incarcerated or whether the CEO of a billion dollar company and that voice is often, you are not good enough. You are a failure. You are a sucky dad. You're a loser. You'll be just like your father. Like these are the same messages of shame. So I don't know what your message of shame is. But start by identifying that. And then I say, can you believe that you talk to yourself this way? It's so ugly. Would you allow anyone else to walk up to you and be like, you're a loser. You will never amount to anything.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You are not your past. As hard as it might be to believe, especially if you're currently suffering the consequences of your past decision. You are not your past. You are not one decision or five decisions that you've made in your life. And I don't just believe I know that every one of us is capable of having a better future than we've had in our past, but there's some steps that we need to take to live a better future. So first of all, recognize that you are not your past and you are not that label. Because if you keep calling yourself that whatever it is, you're going to keep probably acting that way, that belief, expectation cycle, when we have a belief about ourselves and we expect that that's going to be true about ourselves and then we end up acting that way and we have more experiences, which just confirms that belief that we have about ourselves.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I tell the commissioner the prison system and the wardens, send me to your hellhole, send me to the worst of the worst, the guys who refuse to program. And what I see time and time again is that No one is beyond redemption. Some people don't want to change, okay? And those guys, I have nothing to talk to them about. If they want to be criminals, I tell them, get out. I don't cut for criminals. Nobody likes criminals. I hate criminals. I don't work with criminals. I work with people who take ownership of their past and who want a better future.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Saw something in me when I had I thought I had nothing left that I am such a believer in second chances or what I believe is actually legitimate first chances now and much of the world thinks that the people that I serve are so rotten or that they have no value and I know better I know that hope is a cure for violence and I know that they've done such horrible hurtful things I know that for the most part horrible hurtful things have been done to them and I know that unless there's some intervention and many people don't want to get their hands dirty and do this kind of work unless there's some kind of intervention this will be a generational legacy of incarceration and violence and crime and drug abuse and so big fat waste of taxpayer dollars and it hurts more people. And the solution that I've come up with. That is not just business.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know who are you? I'm like a scandalous divorce woman with nothing to offer. I hardly know you. I've never met your wife and he's like, come stay with us and we'll love you back to life. Well, I had nothing to lose. I was at the bottom of myself and I was willing to do anything. And I thought I was so gross that I said yes. And there was a small group of amazing people who poured into me in that year and made me think that I still had Potential I tell my story all the time, so I don't know why I feel emotional right now, but it's because people”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“About those people, but I think Bill cares about people who have been written off and stigmatized. And Bill and Andrea have this ability to see potential in anybody. It's like they see the world through these rosy colored glasses and they're by no means like naive human beings. So they're the first ones who called me after I sent out my resignation letter to 7,500 people. And I was drowning in shame and self-hate and disgust and my phone rang. Bill calls me like half an hour later or something and he said sweetie, we love you come stay with us. And I was like, who are you?”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Having been a victim of that myself, nobody likes that. But if people with even ugly crimes don't have an opportunity to rebuild it, those are the crimes that we don't want repeated in society, right? So anyway, Bill said to me, do you serve people who have committed those crimes? And I said, no, because the Texas prison system won't let me. And he said, well, what if we started a different organization, like a separate umbrella that served those people? And I said, well, you know, maybe that'd be a nice thing to think about in the future because a lot of my Texas donors, when they find out that I don't serve people with a certain crime category, they're relieved and they're so glad. And they sometimes tell me they wouldn't fund me if I served those people, which always surprises me because I'm like, why wouldn't you want those people rehabilitated? Anyway, I'm kind of deviating right now, but, you know, Bill had a really different heart. And Bill had no reason to care.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Serving the world, and not everybody's like that about it. And then what really struck me about that meeting with Bill is like, so Bill loves God and grace, and he said, do you serve people with sexual criminal histories? And I said, no, the Texas prison system won't allow us to serve that. I believe all things can be redeemed. And look, I'm going to say this right now, Tim, nobody like sexual crime. Especially not me.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So their names are Bill and Andrea Townsend and Bill had Bill is a serial entrepreneur who lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, and he had sent PEP, my Texas organization, a big fat check. And I couldn't tell it was from him. I had to like do a lot of due diligence to track down who it was from, which was weird because usually I know where the money's coming from. And then when I finally found out it was from him, I requested to meet with him. And the logistics, as it turned out, I had like a super short meeting with him. An airport for like 30 minutes, and when I met with him, he was like, thank you for the work you do. I was like, thank you for the big fat check that you wrote me. And he's like, no, thank you for the work that you do. His whole like demeanor was really different. He was just thankful that I was”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And other people had the opportunity to care for me. Like I have these people I call my adopted parents and they said, just come stay with us for a while. I hardly knew these people at the time. And they said, we will love you back to life. I had nothing to offer people. I learned for the first time that”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Person and I had no plan B. But it was people. Other human beings saw potential in me when I saw no potential in me. I used to think like what happens to leadersn't like me who screw up? Is there like some island for castaways? Like, do we all go surf Starbucks somewhere? Or like, what are we? I had no vision for a better future. All I could see was dark clouds and no reason to live anymore. And the fact that people saw potential and a future in me. And more than that, I would say the fact that people, and I took a year off after my resignation to just, I went through massive therapy. I'd already been through massive therapy. And I went to like these leadership blow-up camps where other CEOs and even pastors go. I guess I wasn't the only person I screw up my life. And when I went there”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like Mother Teresa image of me because I was not known for big mistakes yet. And then my news came crashing in the media and I became known for a sex scandal instead of the good work that I did. I felt like I had ruined God's calling for my life. I saw no reason to live anymore. I didn't want to live anymore. And what saved my life was that shortly before my scandal went out across national media, I sent out a full disclosure letter and at the time we had seven thousand five hundred supporters, top CEOs and investors, and people I respected more than anyone in the world. And I said, I screwed up. I made these bad decisions. I'm a divorced woman. I don't know what's next in my life. Sending that letter was super painful for me, but within about twenty four hours of sending it, my inbox filled up with nearly a thousand emails of love and support, and you've always preached grace and second chances. And what are you doing next with your life? If you can't tell, I'm an all-in.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I cross boundaries, and I had some relationships with people who had been released from the Texas prison system. What I did was not illegal, but I knew better. I absolutely shouldn't have done it. I regretted it right after. I've always taught. My graduates, a model of full disclosure, own your mistakes and share it. Don't get caught. And so I followed my own advice and I was honest about my poor decisions. And it cost me my everything at the time. It cost me everything. The Texas prison system, when they learned about my decisions, they forced my resignation and they forced it. This was eight years ago now. They forced it in the media too, because up until that moment I had been known, people called me the prison angel who ministered to the dark side. That was absolutely not true. People had a”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Following my divorce, I also went through a lot of hard times. I was sick with pneumonia. I was hospitalized. I had to move out of my house. And instead of reaching out to friends or a community that would have been supportive of me, and my own shame over my divorce, I put my head in the sand and I felt so alone. And like when I was in the hospital and didn't know who to call to come pick me up, that was one of the loneliest worst moments that I can remember. Well, the people that I felt comfortable confiding in over my personal failure were released graduates from the Texas prison system. And so the people who picked me up from the hospital, graduates, people who packed up my boxes and moved me out of my house, like, you know, I had been taking care of people for a long time and now I was at my bottom and needed to be taken care of. In a moment of weakness,”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I built up PEP to be a very successful prison rehabilitation program that was equipping men in the Texas prison system to become successful legal entrepreneurs, but more than that, also employees and fathers and voices in their communities. And then I tanked. I made decisions that I thought ruined my everything in my entire future. So I had been married. I was married the first time for nine years. I got married when I was 22. At the age of thirty one, I was served divorce papers, and I was living in Texas in a very Christian community where God hates divorce and divorce is sin. And I was so ashamed. I said the one thing I would never be was a divorced woman. And here I was a divorced woman.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Sure. It should probably say after being given so many second chances of her own and third and fourth chances. But I will share the mistake, the bad decisions that I am most known for, since I ask other people what it'd be like for them if they were known for that worst thing. So the short version of it is that after devoting my life to working with people of criminal histories, I moved to Texas. I started what became known as prison entrepreneurship program, PEP, and is still going there today. And I poured my everything into it. I had $50,000 in my bank account. It wasn't enough. I cashed out my 401k because working with these people and making sure that they had a bright future was more important than my own financial stability. I went all in on this. And for five years,”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Or get a mortgage. It's the first thing you have to write your X label there. The people that I serve have paid their debt to society, but for the rest of their lives they are known as an ex drug dealer or an ex fill in the blank. What would your life be like if you were handcuffed by your most shameful moment?”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I do a lot of speaking engagements and I open with that nearly every single time. And I ask people, think back to the action that you regret the most in your life. Think about the labels that would be attached to that, like drunk, cheater, adulterer. I don't know what it is, you know? And now imagine if for the rest of your life, like say it's 20 years later, say you've paid the consequences in full for whatever mistake you made, but now you are permanently known as ex drunk, ex cheater, ex embezzler, ex liar, exhitty dad, ex whatever it is. And you go fill out a job application and at the top of your job application, it's the first thing that you have to check the box on, even though it's 20 years later. And next time that you want to rent an apartment.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That is such a sad statistic. And another statistic that kills me is that seventy percent of the children of incarcerated people follow in their parents' footsteps. Quite a legacy to inherit. And the good news is that we can break this legacy and we can break that revolving door, and we're called defy. And yeah, we have a lesson five percent return to prison rate. And so this is a totally solvable problem. But if we, as Americans and society continue to write people off as being less than human and saying, it's gross that you even give them a chance, well, you're going to get a different kind of neighbor back, the kind of neighbor that is going to scare you, the kind of neighbor that none of us wants.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Caged animal to dehumanize the offender, but I can see myself in that offender, and I think that if we all look deep enough, many of us could see ourselves. And if you can't see yourself in that, I bet you could see our brother or your sister or your best friend. And if we were all known permanently for the worst thing that we've ever done, we might have think a little bit differently about the labels that we attach to people. And unfortunately, once people go to prison or jail the first time, a lot of times officers will tell them on their way out, see you back here. And in our country, seventy six point six percent of people are rearrested. Nearly everybody.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“70 or 80 percent of you were at the line when I asked if you've ever been in a childhood fight step to the line almost all of you were there while the volunteers rolled their eyes at me because they're like come on you know the little fight that I got in at the playground that's not a violent crime and I'm like actually if you looked at the backstories of the people that I serve about half of them were arrested the first time before they were ten or eleven and when I asked them for what they say oh my mom was strung out and I broke into my neighbor's house to steal food because I was hungry or I was ten and a thirteen year old was picking on me at the park so I punched him in the face Stuff like that. And so it's very easy for us to turn the other person into a villain, into a wild.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like, step to the line if you have ever been in a fight to prove yourself. Go all the way back to your childhood. Like if you, even with a sibling pulled their hair or punched a boy who was picking on you at the park or something like that, as a little kid, as a seven or eight-year-old, stepped to the line. And I would say that 70 or 80 percent of our volunteers are at the line on that. And then I say step to the line if you've ever been committed a violent crime. And none of our volunteers are at the line, but close to 100% of our EITs are at the line. And I tell the volunteers I must not be making myself clear. I did not say step to the line if you've been convicted of a violent crime. Stepped a line if you've committed a violent crime.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I've been a victim of multiple crimes myself, some of the worst crimes myself. And vengeance can be a really ugly thing. And when I get into a healthy place in my own head, I realize that If I had my vengeance on every human who has hurt me and just tortured them, I think it might bring out even worse things than them, but if they could get healing for the ways that they have hurt me, and then live the fullest life that they could, like live up to their fullest potential, who would we be as a country if they had healing and forgiveness and then didn't make other victims? That's what I want for myself, for the people I serve. We're all offenders. We all hurt people. And I think that when it comes to people who are in prison, there's this real us versus them mentality, like they're in prison. They should rotten there. When our volunteers come to prison with us, I ask them through that step to the line exercise some pretty challenging questions.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“People who commit murder nearly all of them still get out of prison. I mean, people don't realize that. And so, if we lock them up like they're an animal and give them no resources, and then when they get out, offer them no opportunities to make it legally, what are they going to go back to? We, as society, decide. So the other thing is I'm not the one who decides if they serve time or how much time they do. Our American judges and juries and prosecutors determine that. And according to the way our laws are set up When you get sentenced to a term, you supposedly pay your debt to society. And unfortunately, when people get out of prison, they're often treated like they're wearing invisible handcuffs for the rest of their lives. And especially if you've been a victim of a crime, you might be like, good, I want them to permanently suffer”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“People are coming back out to become our neighbors. So, yes, the people I've served have done some terrible things, sometimes things that make my own stomach turn, even though I'm around these people and the crimes that they've, I know they're rap sheets intimately, What kind of neighbor do you want coming back to live next to you? Do you want someone who has not been rehabilitated or do you want someone who has been rehabilitated? And at Defy, we actually work with people who have committed tougher crimes than most. We work at a lot of maximum security facilities. And when I say we work in solitary confinement, you don't go to solitary confinement unless you've done Made some really, really bad decisions. And 90% of the people that we serve have committed violent crime.”
2018-01-21 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #293: Catherine Hoke — The Master of Second Chances · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT