YouSaid · the spoken record

Charlamagne tha God

lines on the record: 109
first: 2024-05-27
most recent: 2024-05-27
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“Because you wish that you could have what you really wanted is you wish you could have talked to that person that day. Wish you could have had a conversation with that person that day That you really And see where they were at in that moment And hopefully, because I think everybody would probably do that. Everybody probably said the same thing. I probably say the same thing. Her mom probably says the same thing. Her father probably says the same thing. Her sister probably says the same thing. If I would have spoken to her that day, you know, I probably could have. Got her in a better place, but that's not the way. That's not the way the universe had it designed.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But yeah, it's just to act like to narrow it down to one emotion is crazy. Like, you know, you'll go through sadness, you'll go through anger, you'll go through happiness, you'll go through frustration, you'll go through About those last moments that that person was here and you'll be saying to yourself, I tried. I tried. That's what I know. That's what I do know. I know for a fact I tried. It's not like we didn't, you didn't see things. So it's not like we didn't try. That person all the help and more that they needed. But yeah, it is a very, very complex set of emotions. Something that you can't even really. And not even something I'm trying to suppress either. Like, you know, it is one of those things you You want to constantly confront, but it's very complex.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, you can't do that to yourself. You will But you can't do that to yourself. Because, like I was saying earlier, when I talked about modeling, and you say we're role modeling, you're modeling yourself after people, you don't know what's behind all of those layers of a human. Like we're complex creatures. Like, to me, She was one of the most intelligent, brilliant, creative, strategic human beings I ever met in my life. And she was somebody that so many of us went to. And I never felt I didn't guilt myself with that because I know that she would come to me with stuff too. And I would always be an ear for her. Like I was always there for her.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I remember sitting in my backyard And I heard her voice in my head. And it was like, she literally said to me, you still here? You still there on earth. And that kind of just shook me to my core a little bit, right? And so it's just like I constantly do, not constantly. Constantly is a strong word. But yeah, those thoughts just cross your mind. I don't know if it's because, it's not because I actually want to do it or because I'm thinking about doing it, but because I've had people close to me do it and because I had those thoughts when I was younger, sometimes I don't know if it's to... Survivors' guilt, maybe, or survivors remorse of it all that just makes you. About it What am I still doing here? You know But then I got a million reasons to still be here. So that immediately makes it go away.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It'll cross your mind. And it definitely crosses your mind a lot when you have, like, I had a friend who committed suicide. Her name was Jazz Waters, and called her Jazz Fly. And me and her used to lean on each other a lot. Like she committed suicide during COVID. And her and I used to lean on each other a lot. Like I used to call her my wartime general. Like, you know, when it was really time to, you know, get busy and, you know, really strategize some stuff, that's who I would pick up the phone and call. And we would always have these conversations about therapy and depression and anxiety and all of that. I mean, deep conversations. I'm talking about we'd spend Sundays literally, I'd be in the backyard sometimes three, four hour phone conversations, right? Like away from everybody. My wife, kids, everyone just really having conversations. So, you know, when she did it.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, nah, they got bad. I mean, it definitely got bad. It got bad to the point where, like, I was the guy who I love the laugh, definitely love the laugh, love the joke, love to have a good time. But then like, Yeah, those suicidal thoughts just cross your mind for no reason. Like, literally, for absolutely no reason. Like, you know,'s a good time to end it all. Like, just literally, randomly. And you like, what was that? You know? And even now sometimes.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Why? I just was not happy. And so that's what finally made me decide to start, you know, going to therapy. We started breakfast club in 2010. I think I started going to therapy around 2015, 2015, 2016.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Your heart is fine. You got an athlete's heart. And he was like, he said to me, he said, Yo, you deal with anxiety? I was like, anxiety. What do you mean? Do I deal with anxiety? And he was like, The symptoms you're describing sound like a panic attack. He said, Have you had these before? And I'm like, Yeah. And he was like, are you stressed out about anything? And I'm like, hell yeah. And so he was like, yeah, it sounds like that's anxiety. And then he was telling me some breathing exercises I could do to possibly deal with it. And then in my mind, after he said, are you stressed out about anything, the first thing I thought to myself was all I got to do is get another job and everything will be a-okay. I just got to get out my mom's house, get my family back in position, and everything will be okay. Next gig I got was the breakfast club. And so you think you fast forward three, four years. I'm having more success than I've ever had in my life. I'm making more money than I've ever made in my life. Everything is going great, but nothing's changed. I'm still having the panic attacks, probably even more so now. I'm still dealing with bouts of depression, and I can't figure out.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But the one I had then, that was after being fired for the fourth time from radio, I was back home living with my mom. Like you said, I think I was 31, 32. I don't remember how old I was, 3132. My daughter was like one or two. My now wife was back living at home with her parents and monks going to South Carolina. And I remember I was driving down I-26, going to Orangeburg to go see Little Duval at a comedy show. He was at a comedy show in Orangeburg. I forgot what school it was. And yeah, I just remember feeling that feeling that I've always felt my whole life heartbeating, crazy, fast, mouth getting dry, palms sweaty, feeling lightheaded, dizzy, had to pull over, get some water, take a few deep breaths, and just told myself, like, look, man, I'm going to go to the doctor yet again because I always would check myself in the emergency room whenever I would have those kind of panic attacks because I always felt like I was having a heart attack. And so I went to the doctor and the doctor was like, nah, you.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That was probably the first really, really, really major one, the first one I ever had was definitely in first grade. I'll never forget that. Memoja Elementary School. I can't forget that to this day. Like, my mom dropped me off first day of school, and I just could not calm down. I mean, bawling tears, screaming. I could not stop, you know. And now when I think back on it, I'm like, oh, I was straight up having a panic. I remember to look at my mom's face. Like, what is wrong? Like, what's going on?”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But the way she said it was basically saying, you know, this is how you stay humble. She was like, just be happy that you're able to make a living. And she's right. Because you know how hard it is for some people to make a living? Like, seriously, it's hard for some people just to be able to afford some wings from the grocery store. It's hard for people can't afford daycare. Things like that, just little, small, simple, everyday things that you and I may be able to just take care of. There's a lot of people out here who can't. So you should very much be happy just to be making a living. So her telling me that puts a lot of things in perspective for me and then has kept a lot of things in perspective for me. But nah, me and my pops have never really had those conversations.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Making or how much I made doing something. I share things like that with her Yeah, she's very always supportive in lets me know she's proud of me. I remember she gave me the best advice a long time ago. She told me, just be happy you're making a living”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And you know it's interesting I've never had those conversations with him. To I've never had that conversation with him. Nah, like, you know, he might tell me he's proud of me, stuff like that, but we've never had an in-depth conversation. Like, my mom, like me and my mom have had those in-depth conversations. Like, my mom has told me things like, you know, you've accomplished more than, you know, anybody in the family ever thought about accomplishing. She'll show me the taxes my great grandfather, her father. Yeah, her father, was it her father? Yeah, her father. So my grandfather, she would show me like the taxes that he would have to pay on their land. So like just to put things in perspective. Know for me Yeah, like I shared things with her. I share with her how much I'm”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, he loved it. Like, that was, I mean, even when I was on Z93, that was a big deal. Because Z93 was the heritage station. That was destation in Charleston. So that was a big deal for him.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm making $19,000 a year, right? Like that just felt good to say that I had a job that I had to be to every day and not just a job, but a job that she knew about because she would hear me on the radio.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Got five four times. I got fired from four different radio stations. I got fired from Hot 989 in Charleston. I used to do radio. I started my career at Z93, which I'm back on now, which is the actual heritage station. So the Breakfast Club is broadcast on Z93. So I'm back on Z93, but I left Z93, which was the big heritage station in Charleston, to go work for an up-and-coming station called High 989, simply because my man George Cook, who's still a great mentor of mine to this day, he offered me a full-time radio gig. I was on Monday through Monday through Saturday, 7 to midnight. I had to take that, making, what, I don't know, $19,000 a year or something like that, but that felt so good back then because I was able to show my mom a contract and say, look, I'm making a salary.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This time. But I got it tatted on my arm in his apartment. And the reason I got Wolverine holding the microphone because I always loved Wolverine because I loved his healing powers. I loved that he was able to heal quickly from things. This is me at 18, 19 years old You know, the future journey I would go on of healing. This is just me back then being a young comic book lover, loving the fact that Wolverine had these healing powers and I had them holding a microphone because I thought the microphone was gonna be what changed my life, which it ultimately did I just thought it was going to be through rap music.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because I thought I was going to be a rapper. You know, most young black men from the hood in the late 90s or from the rural area that I was from in Monks Corner, South Carolina. You know, when you look on television or you open up these magazines, the people that you see that are successful are usually in rap, hip-hop, in some way, shape, or form, or athletics. And so I thought rapping was going to be the way to get up off that dirt road in Mounts Corner, South Carolina. That's why, you know, I got a tattoo on my arm. I got Wolverine from the X-Men tattooed on my arm holding a microphone in his hand. I got this tattoo when I was like, I don't even know 18, 19, something like that. And I got it made by a dude named T. Willis. T. Willis was a tattoo artist in South Carolina. Tattoos weren't even illeg”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The telemarketing place, and I had stumbled upon an internship probably like a year prior, which was at the radio station in 1998. And then around 1999, I actually started being on the air. And once I started being on the air, it just started to let me see what the future could potentially look like.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just being in that environment, being around that in 1998 as an intern literally made me say, okay, this is what I want to do with my future. Before that, I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was going, speaking of male role models, like I had an uncle, Uncle Henry, he worked at UPS. I'm like, all right, maybe UPS is the move. One of my mother's cousins named Bruce. He was in the military. Okay, maybe being in the military is the move for me. Like I was just trying to figure out, you know, what I was going to do with my adult life. And, you know, I started working a bunch of odd jobs. I did telemarketing. I worked at a clothing store called Demo in the Mall. I worked at a warehouse called Industrial Acoustics. I worked at a flower garden. I worked at Taco Bell for a couple of weeks because my sister was the manager there. I was just trying to figure things out. And at one point in my life, I worked at Demo in the mall where my now wife, I worked at the”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Since I was early 20 years old, like whatever I want to be doing five years from now, I got to start doing now. Literally, that's always been my mindset. And so, you know, when I finally Got that break to find the internship in radio.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because I learned early that everything my father was saying was true. So when my father was telling me, if you don't change your lifestyle, you will end up in jail, dead, or broke under the tree. I actually saw that starting to happen to not just myself, but people around me. So, you know, I had my stint in jail, but then I had people around me that was going to jail for like five years. Like they were going to jail for actual prison sentences. And, you know, I had people around me that were dying that were actually, you know, getting killed. And I saw like people that I used to once look up to who were older than me sitting under the tree literally doing nothing with their lives, like becoming that next generation of, you know, people who just sit under the tree all day and drink or do drugs or whatever it is. So I saw that happening and I was just one of those kids that was smart enough to realize, man, whatever I'm doing today will directly impact what happens in my life tomorrow. And that's been my mind.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Stop sign. And then once you slap the shit out me, you don't even tell me what I did wrong. So that's why I said my father used to discipline me for things that he never even taught me. So I think that's where a lot of the insecurity and anxiety and imposter syndrome, that's where a lot of that comes from, you know. And the bouts of depression, that's probably just a chemical imbalance or something. Because like that's just, I constantly have to pump myself up. And I do that through prayer. I do that through daily affirmations. I do that through just constantly telling myself I belong. And that's something I remember being young. My affirmation used to be. I love Jehovah God and his son Jesus Christ. And I would say that three times. And then I would say, fuck Satan. And I would say that three times. And that is what used to get me like, okay, I'm ready. I'm ready for the day. I'm ready for whatever the day is going to deliver me.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Stop sign, but he doesn't stop. He just drives onto the highway. So I drove onto the highway, you know, and he pulls over to the side of the road. I pull over to the side of the road. What I didn't notice was, you know, you're coming down the highway, you're driving. He drove like maybe, I don't want to say a split second, but like several seconds before a car was coming. And so I came right behind him. So the car had to swerve out of the way. I didn't even notice that. So he tells me to pull over. He pulls over, so I pull over. He gets out the car. He comes to the window, slaps the shit out me. I'm like, he's like, wake up. That's all he said. I'm just sitting there like, I mean, I think about that now, but there's no teaching in that. Where was the teaching in that? I didn't even realize what I did wrong. You told me to do everything that you did. You literally said do what I do. You ran the stop sign, so I ran the sign.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, yeah. I mean, being molested at Was definitely part of it. Definitely the bullying, you know, early on, definitely wanting. Wanting my father to raise me out of love and not fear, one of the main things that I realized when I had one of my first breakthroughs in therapy was when I realized my dad used to discipline me for things he never taught me. So I remember one example I always tell is I just got my driver's license. And so he told me to follow him somewhere. And he was like, follow me, do what I do. Like, all right, I'm driving. He's driving. And we're coming off Gil Yard Road in Monks Corner, South Carolina, about to get on the highway. Highway is highway 52. So we're driving and we get to...”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I want to raise them out of love, which is very hard, especially being that I deal with really bad anxiety in a lot of ways, and I talk about parental paranoia a lot. And, you know, you just have to, man, you have to let go and let God. I'm a faithful person because I have no choice but to be. I'm an optimistic person because I have no choice but to be. Like, you know, the opposite of faithful is worry, the opposite of faithful is doubt. And like you can't raise kids in that way because they got to live their own life. My 15-year-old, she wants to go hang out. I can't worry about what may happen, you know, at the mall. And, you know, you open up a newspaper and you see all types of crazy stuff happening in the world and you see crazy things happening to other people's kids and, you know, you just look like, yo, I don't want my child to ever get caught up in any.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Dinner somewhere or just sitting around talking in the bed, asking ourselves if we're getting it right. So, like, there's no blueprint or no manual on how to be that. But I just want to be, I want to be the adult that I feel like I needed when I was a child. I want to be present.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just somebody who is who they say they are. Like that's what I always tell people, and that's what I constantly tell myself. I want to be who I say I am. I want to be who, you know, if you see me. Saying something, if you see that I'm telling you that this is what I believe in, if I'm telling you this is my truth, I want you to know that that's exactly who I am. Like you're not gonna hear something in the future and be like, oh my God, this dude had a whole other life going on and he had this going on over here and that going on over here and nobody ever knew about it. No, I'm a faithful husband. You know, I'm a learning father. And the reason I say learning is because there's no class on being a parent. None whatsoever. Anybody tells you that, that they got that figured out. They are lying. I got a 15-year-old, an eight-year-old, a five-year-old, and a two-year-old, and every single one of them challenged me and my wife in completely different ways. And there's been plenty of times when me and my wife sit around, you know, late at night or at”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, you might as well be a mannequin. You might as well be looking up the mannequins. It's hard to really model yourself after somebody's personality, after somebody's morals, after somebody's values, after somebody's beliefs, because you don't necessarily know exactly what they are. And especially on social media, you just know what people present. So you got to be very careful of that. Like I would tell people, man, you know, yeah, if you admire something about a person, cool, you know, let that be like a guide for you, so to speak. It gives you, it's like a flare going up in the air so you kind of know which direction you may want to go, but you don't know that individual. The only individual that you will ever truly know is you.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, me and my wife got four daughters. I mean, I guess it just depends what you're trying to model. Like, we use that term role model, but what does the term role model mean? Because, you know, you can only model yourself after what somebody shows you. You can only model yourself off what somebody presents. So if you like that person's Lamborghini, if you like that Rolex, if you like the clothes that they got on, if you like their jewelry, then you're going to say to yourself, okay, that's what I want. So that's what you're modeling. You're not necessarily modeling the man. You're modeling the man's things.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The people before us, our parents, you know, I'm 45. My parents, they were just scratching and surviving. They were just trying to figure it out. They were just trying to make it. They were trying to keep some food on the table and a roof over their head. We are the first generation that has the luxury of actually healing. And I think that's a beautiful thing.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I got to get home to my wife, or nah. And then that's when you strike up conversations, really? And then like, nah, I'm faithful. You know what I'm saying? Like, literally, like those are the conversations. Like, nah, I'm faithful. I don't get down like that. And you're like, oh, that's respectful. So it's just like actions speak way louder than words, man. And the thing I love about the era that we're in now, you know, this is the first generation, we're the first generation of people that I feel like we have the luxury of healing.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“People that I actually knew. And it's one thing for somebody to tell you they are. But let's just say, you know, you're out and about at a television shoot and, you know, you're out of town, right? And you and this person or these people are hanging around after the shoot. And their wife is nowhere in sight and they got every opportunity to do the wrong thing. But they're like, nah, I'm going back to my room.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, yeah, I mean, listen, I had a male role model in my father. But the problem with my father was he wasn't practicing what he was preaching. So, you know, you have to be about actions. You can't just be about words and lip service. People have to see you and see that you're a living, walking example of what it is that you're telling others. Like, you know, I didn't even believe that men could be faithful to their women until I started seeing it.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like, because you're making me hot. Like literally. And so I feel like for me, I was just a young, impressionable kid who wanted what every single human being wants. And that's just simply security. And if you don't get security from people, you will find a way to get it. So me, becoming. That version of myself I was then that was just literally for security. That was for survival. I was just literally a kid that was tired of getting bullied. But, you know, once you get down on that path, if nobody stops you, there will be things that stop you like jail. Or sadly in some cases, death, but then it's too late. So I just always thank God that, you know, even though I got caught up and I made those mistakes, I was able to, you know, finally, you know, wake up.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Man, that's such an interesting question because when I do think back on it, I say to myself, I didn't have to do none of that. That's my mindset now. Like, I didn't have to do any of that. My mother was an English teacher. She was a Jehovah's Witness. My grandmother was a Baptist. They absolutely taught me better. Like, I absolutely positively knew better. I had the example of my father. You know, if my father had been probably more honest with me about his life and, you know, the things he had went through and who he was, then I probably would have seen a lot of those obstacles coming because I got to the point even when I started selling drugs, when I found out he was also selling drugs, you can't tell me not to do it. You know, like you can't be on some don't do as I do, do as I say type stuff. I remember us having that conversation. And he was like, well, this is my house. So you're not going to be doing that in my house.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Dad could have bailed me out, but he wanted to teach me a lesson. He wanted me to learn from my mistakes. So he let me sit in there for 45 days. And sadly, that wasn't, it was a wake-up call, but it wasn't the wake-wake-up call. It was more like I woke up, but then I hit the snooze button. Know, slept for a little while longer before I finally got up.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In school. And so I ended up getting In a situation where I was with some of my homeboys and a shooting happened and we all ended up going to jail and they actually came and arrested me from Stratford High School. And that's the last time I was in a high school.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's when I broke for good. And I was just like, you know what? If I can't beat him, join him. So I just started hanging with them. And in order to hang with them, I had to be, I guess, like worse than them to prove myself in a lot of ways. So that's when the disruption really started in class. That's when the class clown really started to happen. And that just evolved into me getting left back a couple of times. You know, I think I went to summer school twice in seventh and eighth grade. Then I got left back in ninth grade. And that's when I actually had to stay back. And then by the time I got the 10th grade, I was getting kicked out of the school I was in, Berkeley High School, and they transferred me to Stratford High School where my mom taught because they thought if I was at my mom's school, then I would act better. But most of my problems from that point on started to be in the street, more so than, you know.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So I was in like the A class, and it was only like two black people in the class, two or three black people in the class, right? Rest is all white. And so I would be with a lot of white people for the most part. And my cousins who were all from my daddy's side of town, they would bully me. Like literally, like they would just beat up on me because I'd be with all the white kids. Because my dad is like, was a really cool dude. He was like the guy who always had like the small little sugar shack when you come over there and get your alcohol and stuff like that. And, you know, he used to hustle his drug, stuff like that. People knew my pops. My pops was a cool dude. So they thought I was supposed to be like that. So being that I wasn't like that, they was like, they would bully me. And it just became one of those things where it was like, yo, if you can't beat them, join them. So it's like, yo, my glasses fell off my face, you know, one too many times. And that one time where they fell and they just broke for good.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That early. 15. I was still in high school. So the disciplinary problems from started in middle school. It started when I was in seventh grade. And the disciplinary problem started just because, you know, my older cousins were like what you would call, I guess, bullying me, right? Like I was wearing glasses and I had the fanny pack and I was in what they had. They used to call it, the classes were broken down in letters. So it was like A and C were for like the smart students.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Nah, last time I saw her, actually, she came up to me. This was about me, it's 2024. This probably had to be before COVID. You know, she came up to me at a house party. And she was like, oh, you so handsome. And I was like, you ben thought I was handsome. It like you thought I was handsome knock it off”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hurting my feelings. You know what I mean? As a young eight year old kid. So That leads to you being an older adult who's a constant people pleaser because you don't want to let nobody down. Because, you know, if you let them down and they'll talk bad about you, you know, but you realize you got to set those boundaries. Because if those people are going to, if you making yourself uncomfortable is the only way to please said individual, that individual don't need to be in your life. That's not somebody that you have in your circle at all.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Back in the day, but I remember there was Twitter and I remember tweeting about it, but I was tweeting about it in jest, like, you know, like wondering, like, what the hell's wrong with Tyler Perry? You know, but then I had to start asking, well, what's wrong with me that I'm not reacting to being molested the way that he is, but then you don't even realize that it's molestation till you get, oh, at least I didn't realize it until I got older. And I was like, oh, I was getting molested. And then when you start going to therapy and you start peeling back, you know, the layers of that trauma, you start realizing, oh, this is why I am the way I am in regards to pleasing people. Because I felt like even though what she was doing to me was wrong and it made me uncomfortable and I didn't like it, I had to keep doing it so she'd stop calling me ugly because her calling me ugly was really, really, really”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I was eight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember her me telling people the reason I made her stop is because I didn't like the smell of her Jerry curl. So that was always the joke. And I remember watching Tyler Perry on Oprah Wimfrey's show. And I remember watching him cry over an older woman who molested him. And I remember thinking to myself, what's wrong with him? Because the way we rationalized it in our mind is like when you're young, you just used to talk about it like it was a sexual encounter. And it was, when I think about it now, like I had me and three of my other younger friends and all of us were talking about these sexual encounters we were having with older women. So now that I think back on it, I'm like, damn, we all was getting, you know, molested. You just don't look at it like that when you're a young man. When you look at it, when you're a young man, you look at it like, I'm just getting action early. So when I saw Tyler on Oprah, that's when I first started thinking about it. And I remember, this was, I forgot what year this was, but this was way, way, way.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I used to always make jokes about it, right? Because I used to always say, you know, I used to always say that I used to buy these, they used to be like these little firecrackers that were like these little paupers. You could throw him on the ground and they would pop. And so it's like one day I just started throwing them at her because I didn't want her to touch me. And when I did that, she started calling me ugly. Like literally from that moment, like, oh, you're ugly, you got a big nose. You know, she'd be telling everybody, let his nose. I think his nose is swollen. So to the point where my grandma, God bless the dad, would take cream and put it on my nose to try to reduce the swelling. It wasn't swollen. She was just messing with me. So in my mind, it was like a psychological thing. Like she was messing with me mentally.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Only for him to come all the way back around to tell me I always had it right Literally, the only comeback and tell me one of the worst mistakes he ever made was leaving my mom or causing my mom to leave him, however which way it went. And I remember him saying that to me and he just was like, man, you know, you've always had it right. But that just kind of, that shows you, right? Just because somebody is older than you doesn't mean that they're right. Doesn't mean that they're always correct. Like we're always growing. We're always evolving. If we allow ourselves to. And, you know, we're going to figure out later on in life that, yeah, we did make a mistake, you know, doing whatever it is that we were doing. And we should be able to admit that no matter the age and correct it, no matter the age.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I remember when I found out my papa cheating on my mom, and I remember just confronting them about it and just asking him. I never forget it. He was in my room at my mom's house, and I used to have one of those exercise bikes in the room. And he was riding, he wasn't working out, but we came in to get on exercise bike because I needed to talk to him. And I bought it up to him. And I remember him just saying to me, like, yo, so you only got one woman, huh? Look at me right now. That's what he said. He was like, you only got one woman, huh? And I was like, what do you mean? I only got one woman. He was like, you know, he's like, when you get older, you understand. Like, literally. So planting that in my head just made me feel like, am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to have one woman? So I spent like a large majority of my life trying to show him that I was a player. I was like, I was like my pops. I was like, you know, I had a roster too.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It had me bad for a while because, you know, I've always been the type person I like being with one partner. You know what I'm saying? I like being with one woman. Like that's something that I always thought was really cool growing up, probably because a lot of the images that we saw, especially on TV back then, it was always the nuclear household. It was like the mother and the father, whether it was, you know, the Cosby show or whether it was Martin and Gina, you know, whether it was, you know, the Winslow's on family matters, like, you know, whether it was the Evans on Good Times before James died, whether it was the Jeffersons. Like, you always saw, you know, a black man with a black woman, and they had a family. Like, that was what I always, that's what I thought the American dream, you know, consisted of. So that was always something in my mind that I wanted.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We didn't have the kind of relationship I wanted to have that I would think of father and son would have. But that's only because he was dealing with his own issues. And then he started having an affair on my mom. So he really wasn't in the house then. He was off with his new family.”
2024-05-27 · The Diary of a CEO · Charlamagne tha God Opens Up About His Depression & Childhood Trauma! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT