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Daniel Goleman

lines on the record: 90
first: 2024-01-07
most recent: 2024-01-07
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“I think there are three aspects of emotional intelligence that matter to everyone. One is self-awareness. One is managing your inner life. And the third is empathy, sensing what other people are feeling and thinking. All of the matter and all of them can be improved.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, over the years, actually, I didn't start with Tibetan Buddhism. I started with probably TM or one of those, then segued to what's called Vipassana or mindfulness. And then I found Tibetan teachers to be particularly inspiring. But this is my next book, William.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, joyful curiosity. I would say curiosity or looking into things I didn't know much about because it mattered to me as been a driver. I'm basically actually actually a writer. And you are too. And I write about what I want to think about. And I think it's a great, I would say, I'm lucky to be able to do this to explore where I want to go. And I find pleasure in it. So that curiosity itself is joyful.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Either are doing okay or made very good choices in their whys. I have two sons. So I think that it's a learning curve and it's a learning curve for us all.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think I'm still learning. You're asking the wrong person. You should ask my wife question because I have, and we all do, cognitive bias when it comes to thinking about my own strengths. So, for example, in working with other people, I found that it's very helpful to articulate implicitly or explicitly what matters to this group, what's the big meaning here. What's the underlying purpose of what we're doing, and also to celebrate that at the outset, which I think marshals people's best motivation? You know, I have six grandchildren. I think I was what they call a good enough parent, not outstanding, but not bad. And I'm very happy with how my grandchildren are turning out, which suggests that my kids”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I think that last element is critical too, that you give people opportunities to get better, to improve. You have a training development program which is robust in this area rather than minimalistic, is it too often is, but where people can go through a systematic course of improvement, whether it's coaching, if they're at the top of the house or through a HRs program, if they're a middle management, whatever it may be, you don't want to just say you can get better at this, but you also want to say, and here's how.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The metrics of their performance. The best way is to remind people of the mission that matters to all of us about what we're doing. And we have interesting brain research done at Case Western that says that if you give performance feedback that focuses on what a person did wrong, which sadly is too common, they become very defensive. creative, they don't want to take a risk. They get too cautious. If you tell people what they did right, you get quite the opposite effect, then you get the optimal state rather than people going into a crouch, defensive crouch.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Expect everyone else to be as good as they are. Nobody else is as good as they are. By definition, if you're a leader in an organization, you have unevenness. You have everyone has their profile of strengths and limitations in this domain. And you do not want to give feedback which is dismissive. You're bad at X and that's it. That is the, maybe that's the way you got so good because you looked at what you did wrong all the time. You didn't celebrate what you did right. But if you want to be a leader who motivates people, you want to celebrate wins and strengths as well as weaknesses. So you want feedback that acknowledges what went wrong, but also says what to do better. I mean, the worst way to start a meeting, it turns out, is to ask for people to talk about”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, the worst way to give feedback is the way it's most commonly done, which is a once-a-year performance review where you kind of sum up in a year. The best feedback is actually in the moment. If you can help a person see that what they're doing is counterproductive and what would be better right then, you're basically coaching them. You're helping them. It's the growth mindset. You're helping them improve. You're helping them develop their skill set. So I would say feedback that is not just critical. Like, oh, you really screwed up that time, but acknowledges a weakness and then follows that with what would be better. That makes it a learning experience for the person. And that, I think, is a much more constructive kind of feedback. There are people who are, we call them paceetters in our research, who, you know, they're those outstanding people. You mentioned a few maybe, who are just amazing individual performers who then”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, what we found really underlines, underscores the importance of practice. We found that the more you do it, one of the better the effect, the more you do it, the better the effect. One of the metrics that we used or has been used commonly is lifetime hours of practice. And you would ask the same of a tennis pro. How many hours a day have you practiced your stroke, your serve? And they can give you an answer to that. You ask a meditator how many hours of the day and for how long, over a month or year or whatever, do you meditate and you get a score and we found there was a pretty strong correlation between the hours you put into practice and the impact, the way your brain functions, the many, many different metrics.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I will take Minger. He was rather spectacular. The circuitry for compassion in his brain increased its activity by 700 or 800%, which has never been seen in neuroscience before that a voluntary shift in mindset could activate the brain to that great degree. And basically we find that the more you do this kind of practice, the stronger the circuits for that. Remember the third kind of empathy, caring become.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That the brain wants to have this kind of loving kindness attitude and that the circuits for it get stronger pretty quickly, surprisingly quickly, and the more you do it, the stronger they get.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I like to think of it as the circle of caring, where you bring to mind someone who's been kind to you in your life, who cared about you, a parent or a teacher, or whoever it might be, a friend, and you wish them well. You wish that they be happy, that they not have suffering, that they have a healthy, thriving life. You wish that silently with that person in mind. And then you bring that same focus to yourself and wish that for yourself, and then to people you love, your closest circle, and then to people you know but are outside that circle, people in your vicinity, in your area, and finally to everyone everywhere. Now, this is, you could say, an exercise in compassion, but we've found in research.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, when people are going through grief because someone they love died, it's not that you can change the fact that the person died, but you can listen to them and understand that they're grieving. That itself is helpful to the person. It's not that you've changed the situation, but you were empathic.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think that that in itself is rather healing for people. Sense that you're listened to, cared about, understood, very powerful in any situation.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And this is very poor medicine. I saw study, they asked people in a doctor's waiting room, how many topics do you want to ask your doctor about? Average four. Then after the session with the doctor, how many did you ask? Average one and a half. Why? Because doctors and leaders genuinely have poor listening. So good listening, paying full attention is at the heart of empathy.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Take care of yourself. Take your medicine. Don't eat food, whatever it may be. One of the big problems in medicine is that patients don't comply. They don't take their medicine. They don't do what the doctor tells them to do. And medicine is not medicine giving medicines, but it's also getting patients to change lifestyle, to remember to take medicine, for example. When Helen Rees is saying to medical residents, pay full attention, she's also overcoming a habit, which is true of leaders generally, or I should say the most powerful person in any diet, parents, which is you start listening to the person, the other person, and then you interrupt and you take over the conversation. Where you want to go, not where the person is concerned would let you go.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And tell you, but you're going to feel that I care about you because I pay full attention to what you feel. And I'm saying what I think that is. It turns out, that was in Jama, the Journal of American Medical Association, doctors who don't do this are more likely to be sued for medical errors than doctors who do. Given the same error, this is rather amazing, but it means that the patient feels that the doctor cared, they're doing their best. And I'm not going to be angry and go to court with them. But I also think, and there's other data that suggests this, it means that the patient is more likely to do what's called compliance, to do what the doctor says.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I rest my case. So, what you're doing, by the way, this is really interesting. Paul Ekman, who's a world expert on facial expression of emotions, has come up with a learning exercise. It's online. Anyone can do it, where in about 45 minutes you retrain your brain to be better at recognizing feelings as expressed on the face. And Dr. Rees, Helen uses this, I don't know if she uses Ekman's, but what she's doing is telling medical residents something that's easy to forget if you're rushed. And today in medicine doctors are more rushed than ever. You know, they're timed. It's pretty hectic. And that is to give your patient the sense that he or she is being listened to, being heard. This is that third element of empathy, caring. It's not just that I know what you're feeling.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's beautiful because you're not blaming yourself if you use that strategy. You're saying, yeah, I screwed up, people do screw up, but I don't always screw up. I'm actually pretty competent here. That's the self-compassion voice. And now I'm going to try again. I'm going to keep going. I'm not going to end it because I screwed up.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So before you have to apologize to your wife, you might do what they say is good in cognitive therapy, which is to remember the counterthoughts. So you know he's not treating me fairly. That's a common trigger in the workplace. I'm not being given credit for my ideas. Well, maybe you remind yourself that, well, I'm not the only one that feels that way. It's kind of systemic here. or whatever the counterthought might be, but it's going to be a voice in your head that calms the voice that's upsetting you. And it's important to know what your range of triggers is because that allows you then to come up with the internal strategies that are going to help you when you see it's happened again.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Trigger starts in your brain that come with, that then create the feelings that are going to make you do something that you regret later. That's the hallmark of an emotional hijack. You have a very sudden emotional reaction. It's very strong. And when the dust settles, you say, oh my God, why did I say that? Why did I do that? You have a lot of regret. So those are the things that you want to track because it turns out that we each have our favorite set of triggers. We probably learned them early in life. We don't think about them. They just happen to us. But being able to see them gives you leverage over them that you've never had before.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's something they do. There's a Daniel Goldman Emotional Intelligence program. It's online. You can access it. It helps you develop these skills, really. And one of the things I do is start by getting a trigger log journaling. What is it that sets me off habitually? What is it that keeps happening over and over again that makes me so upset? This is really useful information because then you can, if you see it's going to come, you can prepare for it better. If you see it just happen, you can think about, well, how can I manage it better the next time when you realize you're in the throes of that and you're upset because of that trigger, you can tell yourself, for example, remember that set of countering thoughts because it's the thoughts that the”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Tend to be better at managing their emotions. But, you know, there are a lot of individual differences, and I can't guarantee that, as I said, emotions come unbidden. We can't determine what we're going to feel, when we're going to feel it, or how strongly the question is, what do we do once we feel that way?”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'll get there. If you think about a toddler, you know, they're all impulse. They're all whatever whim. And they act on it. If you think about an eight-year-old, they're much better at managing emotion. Yeah. Now with a kid, you can help them increase cognitive control through simple things like saying, you know, you can watch this TV after you do your homework. Delaying gratification is in effect a lesson in cognitive control. When we're adults, it's actually never too late. I find that I haven't by any means mastered. It's not that I never become angry or never become anxious. It's just that I notice it's been happening less and less. And I think that's probably a result of practicing meditation every morning, which is what I like to do. And the data suggests, yes, that's true, that people who have a habit like”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So Frankl, I think, was the first to I know to articulate the idea now commonly accepted that the longer the gap between impulse and reaction, the more mature a person is, you could say. And the ability to manage impulses is technically called cognitive control. When you have kids, you can see this part of the brain coming online typically between ages five and seven. If you think about it.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Basically, this is attention training for kids. And I think we need it today more than ever because the distractions are ever-present and more powerful than they've ever been in human history. And I think we need to arm kids with better focus today and much more so than when you and I were kids.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“How to, you know, basically emotional intelligence. And there are courses called social-emotional learning SEO that is in many, many schools. I went to a classroom in Spanish Harlem, very impoverished part of Manhattan. And I was told half the students in that class had ADHD, you know, attention deficit disorder. And I expect the class to be chaotic and it wasn't. And I asked the teacher why and she said, well, every day we do this. And they did what the kids call belly buddies. One by one the kids got their favorite stuffed animal from their cubby found a place to lie down, put that animal on their belly, and watched it rise on the in-breath, fall on the outbreath, rise on the in-breath, fall on the outbreath. When their mind wandered off, they noticed it wandered, they brought it back to the next breath.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, when they did that study in 2010, not everyone carried a phone with them every moment of the day. Now many, many or most people do. And phones can be very helpful. I love to Google things I don't know at the moment. And our worst enemy. Because all of our seductions are right there in our hand. The things that turn you on, the things that anger you, the things that make you uptight and anxious, you can get in a moment. And so phones feed distractedness. Remember, it's the emotionally laden thoughts that are the most distracting. And if you want to have a full focus on what matters right now, you want to put aside those distractions. So actually, I think this is one reason that it's important to teach kids today how to focus, how to handle emotional.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That it's so upsetting. Why didn't she answer that email? You know, it doesn't matter what it is. That's where your mind is going to go. We're wired that way in evolution to reflect on what didn't go right. But on the other hand, that's not a helpful habit these days. So that's part of self-awareness, realizing where our mind is going.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This is a really interesting study that was done at Harvard. They gave people an app for their phone which rang them at random times a day and says, what are you doing? And what do you think about? Just those two questions. And how do you feel? And what they found was that people were distracted from what was going on about 50% of the time by the way it was 90% three times during a commute sitting in front of a video screen and at work. sorry to say it's true people are thinking about something else and if you're thinking about something else you're not fully focused on what you're doing right now and they also found that the more distracted you were the less happy you are when we're lost in our thoughts we tend to you know the most distracting thoughts are the most emotionally powerful ones that thing he said to me why did he say”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Mind wanders, I guarantee it will. And I notice it wandered, I'm going to bring it back to the breath. That's like the brain equivalent of a rep in the gym. Every time you bring your focus back to that place you want it to be, your breath or task at hand, you're strengthening the circuitry for focus. And that's another way to manage stress. So you're less reactive. You know, there are three dimensions of a stress reaction. One is how often you get stressed, upset, and this makes people less often likely to get upset. The second is how deeply it happens, how upset you get. And this method is people become more calm and less likely to have an extreme upset. And the third I mention, that's the quickness of your recovery, your resilience. And this helps. People be quicker in recovering from the upset.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Teach count of four, but I say breathe in as long as it's comfortable. Hold your breath for as long as it's comfortable and then exhale slowly for as long as you can. And if you do that six to nine times, it actually shifts your physiology from that stressed mode to recovery and relax. So that's one thing you can do if you know you're about to go into a stressful situation. On the other hand, I would say buff up your attention, your focus, because the more focused you are, it turns out the same part of the brain that helps you focus makes you more calm. So it's a twofer. And tension training can be as simple as, you know, saying, I'm going to pay attention to my breath, breathing in, breathing out, and full attention to every breath. And whenever my”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Two things. One is meditation is really attention training. I'll get back to that. That's a kind of slower way of preparing yourself to handle stress. It's like going to the gym every day and working out. You become more fit. And if you practice an attention training method, you get more focused. So we'll get back to that. The 444 method is sometimes called box breathing. It's used by Rangers or military who are about to go into a stressful situation. They teach it. But the research shows it shifts physiology from what's called the parasympathetic nervousism to morousal. I'm sorry, a sympathetic nervous system arousal, which is when you're stressed out and upset to a parasympathetic, which is the recovery mode. And it goes like this. It's so simple. You breathe in.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Someone you love or playing with your kids or your pet, it doesn't matter what works for you. Schedule it. Make it part of your day. Make it part of your routine because it always looks like it's a waste of time. It's not. It's crucial because it lets you go back into the fray restored. And you can be more optimal than if you had never done it. That's for sure. You can make better decisions.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The stress of the moment, the body's not designed for that. The body's designed to have a big emergency reaction, stress arousal, we call it, and then recover. And if you slight the recovery, you're driving yourself to exhaustion. And one of the main ways to fight stress is, A, you know, the old, what can I change in the situation? Maybe you can change it, maybe not. Maybe you can lessen it. Maybe if you're a leader, you can redistribute the load. I don't know. But the other is manage yourself. Manage your internal reaction to the reality you face day in and day out. And that means do what it takes to recover. And it might be going for a walk. It might be meditating or yoga or spending time with”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, we're not helpless at all. But if we're driven to emotional exhaustion or driving ourselves in that direction, we need to notice that that's happening. That's where self-awareness comes in. And the body is actually wired for stress. It's the emergency response. Everybody knows this. You know, the stress hormones make your limbs activate. They get more blood, your organs, your immune system gets less blood during the emergency. Now, the problem is if that emergency is chronic, this is the nature of stress today, then you're lowering your immune resistance, you're ruining your health, basically. And even though you may be able to arouse yourself to meet”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Or stay with a company that doesn't do it well now and help them get to doing it better. Yeah, I agree with you. I think a sense of purpose or a mission is more and more important. And with younger generation, that mission tends to be more and more around the environment”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“incentives to have companies rethink how they make their things, what services they offer, what their footprint is in a better direction. And I think the younger demographic would drive that. I don't think that the data today shows it, but I bet it's going to happen tomorrow.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Carbon and so on. And if there were an impartial evaluator so I could compare this cup versus that cup or these stacks versus those snacks for their climate or ecological imprint. By the way, that footprint is not just carbon. It's eight systems that support life on the planet, all of which are in dire straits and getting worse. If you could see that this product is doing it better than the other product. And if you knew that at point of purchase, just the way you know cost, I think it would create a market share improvement for those products that are doing something about it. And companies have to chase market share. So that might be a way to use the existing system of incentives and to change a system you have to understand.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, I think that gloom is understandable. I think that the news, the climate news is full of bad reports. So if you're 20 and you're thinking of having kids by the time you're 30, that means by the time all these dire things are predicted, your kids are going to be in a very bad situation, which, by the way, gets me to an idea I wanted to run by you, but here's an opportunity. I think there's a smart business strategy here. I'll tell you what it is. Younger people, which is a demographic companies want to capture as loyal customers over the course of their life, younger people more than older people today are going to value concrete moves That a product or company makes toward lessening their footprint.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Are so prominent and they'll have a little car that'll tell them, oh, actually, I'm pretty good. Oh, I can grow and change. In other words, things you can remind yourself of in that moment that counter the depressing thought.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If you took stock, you might realize, oh, yeah, actually, I'm not so bad. People have told me this and that and that, which was good, which is thought you've suppressed when you were in that pessimistic, depressed state. And so these are the kinds of countering. This is, by the way, a basic of cognotherapy too. And cognotherapy was developed at Penn also by a Seligman colleague, Aaron Beck. And the idea is simple. It's that remember you don't have to believe your thoughts, particularly the depression eugenic thoughts, the one that are making you feel bad about yourself. And you can counter them by telling yourself, well, I'm not so bad when you're thinking you're bad. You may need, I know a cognotherapist who as clients write down the counterthought because the down thought”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So Seligman in his research found that there were certain categories of thoughts that made people depressed, like I can't do this, I'm worthless, life is pointless. These are actually kinds of things. I did some research years ago on with notes left by people who committed suicide. And they were full of this kind of thinking, which is depressionogenic. And what Seligman realized was that he could help people counter those thoughts. This is, by the way, fits with Dweck's research on growth mindset. The idea that I'm no good, which is going to make you depressed, is a fixed mindset. But he saw that you could have what Dwick would call a growth mindset, which is to see yourself as able to change, as able to improve, as able to be better. And in fact, you might, if”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like remembering what matters to you, what your long-term goal here, despite the distractions of the day, where are you heading? Also, are you handling the times that you get thrown off because of changing circumstances? And by the way, circumstances are always changing tech, you know, social trends, everything is changing all the time. And you need to sense what's going on, but not be thrown by it. So that has to do with being agile, being adaptable, staying clear despite the changes, and then staying positive basically, because a positive frame of mind is your best frame of mind for making good decisions. I don't mean being overly optimistic, but I mean not being downbeat, not being pessimistic. Seeing that things always change in tomorrow's a new day.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Anything. And so emotional self-management, which is key in this second domain of emotional intelligence, means that on the one hand you can manage upsetting emotions well. The definition in the lab of resilience is the time it takes you to recover from peak upset to back to calm and clear. You can't determine what you're going to feel or when you're going to feel it or how strong you'll feel it. Those emotions come unbidden from a deep part of the brain, but you can decide what you do once you feel it. That's where self-management comes in. And there are many, many methods here, but it's not just handling disruptive emotions, distracting emotions. It's also marshalling the positive emotions.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So let's reverse engineer that a moment and look at the times and the state you get into when you're least effective, when you make bad decisions, it's times when your emotions are driving how you think. Emotions are very critical in terms of self-mastery for several reasons. One is that the emotions direct your attention. The thing you're upset about, the thing you're angry about, the thing you're anxious about is where the brain shifts your attention. If you're going to make a good decision, you want to be clear of that. You don't want to be emotionally driven. You want to be balanced. It's not that you don't want your emotions at all. Of course you do, but you don't want them to take you over. You don't want them to be driving how you think about”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I was once in a dialogue with the Dalai Lama when he was shocked to hear that people in the West were contemptuous of themselves. Need themselves. He didn't in his culture, that wasn't really known. And he was shocked and he said, you know, you need a new word in English. This was in the 80s. The word is self-compassion. And that's exactly what Nef has then taken up. I don't know that she knew about that. I'd recommend a book by my wife, actually Tara Bennett Coleman, Emotional Alchemy, which talks about the 10 most common self-defeating emotional patterns. and what to do about them, how to bring this kind of self-awareness to seeing when they're taking this over and then changing what we do and how we think about ourselves. I think that's very powerful.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's really wonderful as an antidote because what it says is that your A, self-aware, you're recognizing when you're beating yourself up. And B, you're applying an antidote, which is being kind to yourself instead of beating yourself up. And that's a wonderful skill, internal skill to practice. And it's a skill of self-awareness because you can only do it if you recognize the moments when your self-talk is being destructive.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Another aspect of self-awareness is wondering what you're telling yourself. You know, in cognitive therapy, they say something wonderful. You don't have to believe your thoughts. In other words, some of those thoughts, like you really blew it, you're an idiot, just are not helpful. Some of those thoughts like, I didn't do that well, let me try again, is helpful. And you want to make the distinction between whether your thoughts are helping you or hurting you. Self-criticism is generally hurting you, but the ability to see where you could improve is helping you.”
2024-01-07 · We Study Billionaires · RWH039: Optimal Performance w/ Daniel Goleman · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT