YouSaid · the spoken record

Dr. Sue Johnson

lines on the record: 118
first: 2024-06-19
most recent: 2024-06-19
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“You're welcome. Lovely to talk to you, lovely to talk to you. And you ask wonderful questions, so I appreciate that. Thank you so much.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So that's why I do things like make crazy online programs that take me four years and. Anyway, it's been amazing fun to talk to you.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We can understand love that we can understand and shape our most precious relationships. That is just something that I just feel like we need so desperately, it's so important on so many levels that I just want people to know that you don't have to fall in and out of love and that even if you've never seen this kind of bonding, you can find it. We can show it to you on a video. We can tell you a story about it. You can do it. It's wired into us that there's incredible hope for relationships because more and more people are living alone, more and more people are giving up on love relationships. More and more people are saying things like monogamy is impossible doesn't work. This just brings up. Despair in me because it's like we have this, we have the way forward and we're not using it”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The only thing that occurs to me is to say on a personal level that One of the enormous realities of my childhood was that I understood that my parents loved each other. And they fought continually. That was something that distressed me, puzzled me, alarmed me, freaked me out. And I think way back there somewhere, sitting on the stairs in the dark, listening to them fight, I somehow felt that there had to be a better way. There had to be a better way. And I think the other thing was I adored my father and in the end the fact that marriage didn't work destroyed him, whereas the Second World War didn't destroy him. all kinds of other things didn't destroy him but The fact that that marriage didn't work destroyed him. So I knew how important relationships were and for me when I started to see couples and I started to see patterns and then I started to link it to attachment science and I suddenly realized that there was a way”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hold me tight conversation. And I think, well, I'm a bit crazy about all this, but we need books and we need online programs, we need to educate people about relationships. It's insane that we have all this science and understanding and that we are not sharing it and putting it out that we can have more positive, loving cooperative relationships and more secure families. From my point of view, it's insane. So we created the program and we're going to keep adding to it and hopefully institutions will keep picking it up. And for a while, we did it and online wasn't popular. And so it just sat there. And I thought, what do I have to do to get this stuff out there? But it has picked up quite a lot. People are hearing about it.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Three couples who agreed to be filmed through this. We just took the first three couples that came into the studio in Ottawa and did it with me, did those conversations with me in a very snowy winter. So when I look at them now, it looks little dated, those three couples. There's a young couple, a couple that are facing all kinds of other difficulties, and an older couple. They're still useful. You can still see, but we started to add conversations like we have a black couple right now with a black facilitator talking about that and talking about issues with racism and how that impacts your relationship. We're trying to put new conversations in. You can see a couple go through it. You can hear me talk about it. You can learn about it. You can hear the stories about it. You can do exercises. I mean, it's really designed to lead you into being able to have your own.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Encouraged by the fact that the military, the US military, I believe, and the Canadian military are using it now and the government of British Columbia where I live on the west coast of Canada has just bought a number of them. I think they're going to give them to first responders whose relationships are having a hard time. The HA Institute is talking about creating an online program because they have a live program in their hospital now in Ottawa. So I'm very encouraged by the fact that institutions are picking it up, but it's supposed to take the hold me type book and turn it into a live, engaging online program that you can do with your partner. And there's some research on the educational program based on Hold Me Tight. There's no research yet on the online program, but we're still working on it. We want to, for example, the”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So disconcerted by that that I said, we've got to do a whole, we've got to do an online program. This is the only way it's going to reach people. So my colleagues bless their hearts. I seem to have this ability to go in and say insane ideas and then people pick them up and suddenly we're working for about four years on this huge project. So we created this, the online program is it's got little talks, it's got three couples going through the process and you see the three couples working. It's got little bits of music, little exercises. It's customized. We put a huge amount of work into it. I don't know of any other program like it out there, especially not based on tested interventions and a clear science of what love relationships are about. We get very good feedback on it.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, it was an insane amount of work. And I just got obsessed with the fact that we, from my point of view, this science and all our work had created this enormous possibility for people to have much better relationships, much more secure families, better mental health, and somehow people weren't getting the message. I just became...”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Don't even talk about sex. They're sex, they tell us their sex life improves because they start to be able to play and take risks with each other and tell each other things they'd never been able to tell each other before and accept their own sexual desires or sensitivities in a new way and share them. So then this openness, this emotional openness and responsiveness turns into physiological openness and responsiveness. It's very hard to be open and physiologically responsive when you're afraid and guarding yourself all the time.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because it all sort of goes together. So we don't find it that difficult to help people if they want to go through those blocks. We don't find it that difficult to help people deal with their sex life differently, with problems, or to reawaken that passion. In fact, what we find is when people start having hold me tight conversations.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“She got angry, of course, because he wouldn't, you know, he shut down, and the whole relationship went bad. So these emotional scenarios can be complex. You have to ask what's going on. I think there's also a point in couples' lives, especially in our present world where they get caught up in parenting, caught up in tasks, caught up in what we've decided is success, which is working longer and longer hours, being on your devices all the time. Literally, they don't pay any attention to the relationship and to the emotional music and to the connection. And then they suddenly expect it to be there in bed. Well, it's not.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And literally, they got married and she became immediately pregnant and was very ill with the pregnancy. So she was kind of, she kind of withdrew. So from his point of view, he took the ultimate risk, which he said he was never going to do and got married. And the minute he did that, from his point of view, this person became unavailable. He completely shut down his sexuality. Completely, he numbed it out, except in his mind. In his mind, she was still the most attractive woman in the world. He still had all kinds of active fantasies. I mean, he still had lust. He just shut it all down. And that was all about the emotional reality of him suddenly coming up against this reality that he needed her. He'd risked. And suddenly she wasn't there. And of course, that was a very familiar experience for him from his childhood.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And for some people, before that, the infatuation and the excitement and the novelty and the all that stuff can carry them forward. And then there's a moment when it's kind of like the bonding scenario kicks in and they realize they're vulnerable. This other person can hurt them and that they need this person. They need certain responses from this person. And for some folks, that is exceedingly difficult. And they can't even really put their finger on what that's about. And they start to shut down. And I can remember one very dramatic case of this, where this guy pursued this woman and adored her and everything was great. And then they got married.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's an interesting one. I don't know. I mean, we condition men to think about physiologically their sexual need and their sexual responses very available to them compared to women. And it seems to be immediate. And we condition men to accept their sexuality and to accept sort of lust and to expect a certain amount. So I don't know. I think it depends. And I may have been prejudiced because the cases that I've seen in that situation have usually been that there's another whole element going on, which is that there's a certain point in relationships where people realize that they're vulnerable. And that this person holds their heart in their hand.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There's no problem after a while because they deal with it differently because they have this safe connection. But the trouble was the sexual problem was interfering with their safe connection and everyone was playing it safe and being nice to each other and keeping everything calm. The thing is, what we learned about attachment science can help us shape our emotional relationships and our sexual relationships. It gives us a map for how to do that. It really challenges the old cliche that love and passionate love has a best before date. It really challenges that. Love has to be remade and passion isn't the same over 30 years, but it can still be made and remade and there are times when people are more tuned into that than others. But anyway, we could talk about sex forever. So that's some huge. topics here Tim.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it's the same with sexual problems, hold me tight. One of my favorite stories. I've got it in the book of the man who has erectile dysfunction. And the trouble is, not that he has erectile dysfunction. The trouble is he's free. And I suggest that sometimes, I think we call his penis George. I can't remember now, that I say sometimes George goes for a little nap. And it's no big deal if they can stay connected with each other and she can help wake George up. You know, she knows how to do that. And they laugh and they play.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Off to the side. They haven't known how to tune into each other, they haven't maybe accepted their own emotional needs, they haven't known how to talk about it. So we simply create safety and we open it up for them. And they start to share and talk and find it again. They have to have acceptance. Somebody has to be able to say, I was bought up a Catholic. There's some part of me that can never quite accept my own sexuality and some part of me just needs you to be dominant, to demand it of me. And then I can get turned on. Well, she needs to be able to tell that to her partner because he's always comes on to her considerate and low key. He doesn't want to offend her in any way. Well, it doesn't work, right? So people have to be able to examine the way they dance together and share. Then they can find each other.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He says, What are you talking about? And she just didn't feel safe enough to turn and say, I hate that. And here's why I hate it. People hang back, they shut down. But, you know, passion is about feeling safe enough to be completely absorbed in the experience and that it take you over. Passion is about full engagement. And we talk about it, it's all about novelty. It's not all about novelty. Novelty can turn passion on. But the research is clear from people like Laumann at the University of Chicago. The people who have the best sex have it most often and who feel most enthralled, find it most thrilling, are people in what you would call safe long-term relationships. Because then you can let go. Passion is about erotic play. You can let go and play. And lots of couples have sort of put that part of their relationship.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And in that, men and women are the same. And when that somehow a couple give each other the message, I don't particularly desire you. One way of dealing with it, if you have other good things in the relationship, is to just shut that part of your relationship down and numb it out. But you can bring it alive, but you have to be able to be ARE. You have to be able to take some emotional risks. You have to turn and say, you love this kind of sex. Well, I want to tell you that for 20 years I've hated it. I hate it. A lady said, you think it's the sexiest thing in the world to come up behind me and bite my neck. I hate it when you do that.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Not just about orgasm because those get real. If it's just about orgasm, men can give themselves an orgasm very efficiently and so can women. There's amazing vibrators out there. Okay. So that's not an issue. So it is not just about orgasm because if you listen to the man who says, who's always badgering his wife for sex, what it comes down to is on an emotional level and he has a hard time getting there, he wants to feel wanted. He wants to feel desired”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think what she's telling you is the best role play you can do with your wife is to talk to her and share with her and turn up basically I didn't say turn up emotionally but you know that's where I was going you know like show her who you are you know stand out on the dance floor open your arms you know it's like and so women have a slower pace often women have responsive desire they don't start off from lust They start off from being open to their partner or being curious. They don't start from the same place as men and people haven't known how to talk about that. And so men and women miss each other. And also men, men talk about how the classic story is that men start talking about how they want sex. Time and time again when we're dealing with a couple sexual relationships, if you really go in and you really stay there.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What seems to happen is that the woman's physiologically aroused and then her prefrontal cortex cues in. And her prefrontal cortex, the theory now is from these studies that her prefrontal cortex basically checks out the safety of the relationship, which makes sense because women are, I mean, let's face it, if you look at the sex act, women are vulnerable. They're naked, they're going to open their body, they're going to be penetrated by a stronger animal. This is a basic thing. So it's almost like women check out the relationship and the connection and the safety before they then feel they actually let themselves feel around. And so women take longer often to be aroused. Somebody said to me, what's the best foreplay I can do with my wife? I said, well, have you heard her talking here?”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Into that conversation. One of the big conversations about that one is there's a lot of evidence now. I think it's really good research about the difference between male and female sexuality. And there's a lot of evidence that women respond differently to physiological to sexual cues. A woman can be physiologically aroused, for example, by a sexual cue if you look at her in an MRI study. I think this was by a man called Gilath. Basel, Canadian researcher also talks about this. There's quite a few people, I think Chisholm talks about it. So the evidence is a woman can be physiologically turned on. And if you ask her if she's turned on, she'll tell you no. Whereas with a man, physiological arousal and experience just goes together like that. They have an erection. They say I'm aroused. With the woman, there's something else that seems to happen.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What's always interesting to me about sexuality and sexual conversations is that our world arguably, I mean, sex is everywhere now compared to even, say, 20, 30 years ago. Theoretically, we're more open and we're more accepting about sex, we're not so restrained and all that. So what's fascinating to me is it seems to me that people couples have an incredibly hard time having a conversation about their sex lives. And that's still true. And it was true 30 years ago, and it's still true now. And I think it's because in sex, people are literally naked. They are vulnerable. And they don't know how to even begin that conversation. So what we do is we create safety in the relationship we have them look at the relationship and we walk.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Success is about being really alive and being really alive is about being connected with others and knowing that they are our greatest resource and that that's where we are most alive, whether we're dancing tango, making love, responding to our child. It's such fun to talk to you. You're fun. I never know what questions you're going to. Sometimes you ask quite intricate questions. That's really fun.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The person has to repeat it like four times says, then they look at me with this blank look and I say you can't take that in. You've never imagined a drama with another human being where somebody might say that to you and they go no and then they weep. Because in the end, What none of us can bear is the feeling that we're alone and that we don't matter to another human being. That's, you know, and our world doesn't talk much about that. You know, when I first heard that you wanted to talk to me, I thought, why does he want to talk to me? He's into business and he's into teaching people how to make money. And then somebody said, no, no. He's into success. And what helps people feel successful? And I thought, oh, well, that's okay because from my point of view.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But it takes a long time. And in a way, it's kind of the same discovery that our couples go through where somebody will say to me, I never felt this before. I never knew you could feel this way. I never knew people could have these kinds of conversations. I never knew that I could talk about my feelings like this. I never knew that I would talk about my feelings and I would look up and see in the other person's face that they wanted me and that they wanted this and you know someone will say you don't have to keep problem solving or taking care of everything you don't have to keep solving all the problems what I want is you if you tell me you're overwhelmed by this problem that's what I want I want the connection with you and the other person goes Had people say, What did you say?”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Incredibly fast. We have these mirror neurons in our brains that pick up, that cues from somebody and feel them in our own body and uses the basis of empathy. And it's a beautiful thing. And so, yeah, when I first went to Malonga, I stood there and said, how do they do this? This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and it's impossible. I don't understand. I want to do it. I want to do it.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This is belonging. This is safety. This is joy. And our nervous system buzzes with this. And it's so rewarding. I tried to explain to my husband why I needed to keep tangry at one point. And I said, when I dance with, I used a woman as an example. You know, when I dance with Mary Ellen, in 12 minutes of dancing, I'll have four straight moments of this incredible synchrony when my brain is out sitting in a chair looking and saying, how are you doing this? I don't understand how you're doing this. You don't know any of these moves. And what happened there? I don't understand how this is going because your prefrontal cortex isn't subtle enough. It's like you're picking up on attunement and moving with someone. And this is what human beings can do. We can read these cues in.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it's the synchrony that kind of physical and emotional synchrony moving with the music, that synchrony elicits joy in human beings. It's the reason why birds have mating rituals, swans move their necks in unison. They do this ritual. They move into synchrony. It happens with mothers and children. They move into synchrony. The little child opens his eyes. The mother leans forward and opens her eyes wider, a synchrony entango, synchrony in love making between lovers, synchrony in hold-me-tight conversations. This is our nervous system buzzing and saying, yes.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Was like you can't do that to me. You know, I need a partner. And he basically said it hurts my back. I'm not going to do it. And so that was very difficult. But we got through it. He goes hiking, and I don't particularly like it when he goes hiking up mountains all by himself. It scares me. And for quite a while, he didn't particularly like it when I would go off to the Malonga, you know, and as he put it, insist on dancing very, very close to other men for hours. Don't say Tango. The fact that it's very, very close”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I find mostly I find it's easier to dance with women. And there are all many women leaders. And I can't figure out why that is, but I think it's because women have had to learn to tune into other people in order to survive socially over the years. They've had to do that. So maybe it's a little easier for them. But I find with women leaders often, or maybe I just feel a little safer with women leaders. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know. Often I find it easier to dance with women, although I've had some amazing male partners too. One of the big arguments in my marriage was that we started dancing tango and then my husband said he wasn't going to do it. He didn't like it. So I won't tell you what Sue Johnson said to that. It was not a positive evening.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Do it again, feel it. Can you feel it? No. He does it twenty times I And sometimes what you have to do in couple relationships you have to slow everything down and give people time to listen to a new thing they're not used to hearing or can't take in you have to slow it down and you can't just do all this stuff fast. So then I go, I got it and then he says, right. Then he says now follow it and I turn. This hand all the time, the parallels in relationships and they were the same. So I go to tango lessons and get completely enthralled, intellectually, emotionally, physically. I adore Tango. But I have to say, I probably shouldn't say this on air. Please do.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Please continue. So, this is my teacher, right? And he says, he's trying to teach me this new move. And I say You're not saying anything, you're not sending me any cues. He says, the cues I am sending you are enormous. I said, what are you talking about? You're not sending me any cues. You'd be just being ridiculous. So bless his heart. He does what we do in EFT. He says, feel it. He moves his shoulders slightly to the right about a millimeter. Can you feel that? No.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“For that comment. At the time I learned Tango, right? This is going to be very difficult for you. And I said, well, then shut up and start teaching me because I'll just. I'll just work harder at it than everyone else, that's all. He said, Why do you want to do it? I said, Because there's something here, these, I get these little tiny moments where we're both moving together to this beautiful music that are just joyful. He just looked at me and said, all right then, but you're going to have to work really hard. There's so many parallels. Like I remember one lesson when I said to him, I got angry and I said, You're not sending me any cues.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You find the other person, and it's like, Oh, there you are, there you are. Oh, I can feel that, ah. And we tune into the music at the same time and we start to play. And there's a synchrony there that happens in hold me tight conversations, happens in good sex, happens in its play and synchrony. And it's two human beings impacting each other, responding to each other, sending cues, tuning into the cues. There's something intoxicating about it. So when I realize the parallel, I was not good at it. I want to tell you, my teacher, who was not big on empathy, said something like, why do you want to teach Tango your uncoordinated? You don't have any balance. You're not 22. I said, thanks very much. I'm in my late 50s, actually. So thanks very much.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Something that you still pursue? I still does tango, and COVID has been so awful. And of course, the parallel with couple relationships is obvious. And when I first started to learn Tango, my Tango teacher would be teaching me, and I'd suddenly say things like, stop. I got to write that down because it would be relevant for therapy. I mean, Tango is about attunement, and so is love. Tango is about standing up moving with somebody changing weight with somebody, tuning into somebody. And there's a safety check there. There's a, can I find you? Are you going to respond to me? Are you there? Can I feel you? And then if the answer is yes, sometimes you go through the motions, the answer is no, and you go through the motions, you do the steps. But if it's a good dance.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, so probably the butler didn't want to go into the trenches, but he was a risk taker. He had huge integrity. He was passionate. He stayed with that passion, even though there were long periods of time. He was completely rejected socially. He was true to himself and he was passionate. And I think he was one of the few human beings who could have led England through the Second World War and made it. I don't know who else could have come forward to do that. So I find him fascinating. I find figures like him that have courage and stand for something. And even when the prevailing winds are going the other way, I always find that fascinating.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In the First World War, all his upper class colleagues, if they were in the battle at all, they were way behind the lines in a nice hotel somewhere. Winston gave up being a member of parliament and asked to go into the trenches. He said he wanted to see them. He wanted to see what they were like. He wanted to be there in the trenches. And mind you, he took his butler with him, which most of the men in the trenches didn't bring a butler. But nevertheless.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What I love about it, I think I love Winston Churchill because from my point of view, he was a successful human being in that he was always honest to himself. He was always Winston. He took huge risks, even though some of those risks made him massively unpopular. There were periods of time when he was hated in the House of Commons. despised him, criticized him. He was creative. He was always honest. He was always who he was. I love that he used to go up in the blitz. Everyone else used to go into the...”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There's a wonderful book, I think it's called The Last Lion. It's a biography in three volumes of Winston Churchill, but it takes it from childhood until him dying. And it's fascinating, fascinating. I love it. In terms of books, I just read what happened to you with Oprah Wimphy and Bruce Perry. And Bruce Perry, both of them are splendid. I love Bruce Perry. He's a... Child and adolescent psychiatrist, so he comes at attachment science in a slightly different way than me. His work dovetails with us totally brilliantly, and he says all the same things about how emotional isolation is traumatizing and how sensitive we are and how to grow human beings. He says all the same things. That's one recent one that I just read.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I don't know how he managed it. Sometimes human resilience is amazing, but what he did as an adult was he created a bond with his wife. And all the evidence is all through his life, he relied on that bond. And that when they got into a fight, this man, this powerful man, you know, who sort of took all these impossible stands in his life, and what he would do apparently is if they got into fights, he'd go and he'd sit down outside her bedroom door and say things like, are you mad at your Winnie? So he knew how to, somehow he knew he found a way to reach for her and she responded enough that he had this secure connection because they were British British upper class so they still slept in separate bedrooms, which is just kind of weird. But from my point of view, but they did that. Now my class consciousness is coming out here.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Can accept that and learn how to connect. One of my most fascinating characters in history is Winston Churchill. I find him completely fascinating. I've read all these books on Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill had the most horrible childhood relationships. He had a father who was mean and blaming and rejecting and distant and he had a totally distant mother who was too busy having affairs with the king and having wonderful parties. They sent him to boarding school and he would write these letters that just break your heart like dear mummy, could you possibly possibly make it to the one, this big event once a term and come? And she wouldn't even reply to his letter. Winston Churchill grew up deprived.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And there's only so many ways of dealing with them, and there's only so many emotions that come up. The main one that people are dealing with when they get stuck in fights or incredible distance is fear, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of disconnection, fear that I don't really matter to you. I'm really on my own in life. And that intimidates us all. We all know. That is disempowering for us. We all know on some deep visceral level how much we need others. And the strongest among us.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, lots of therapies teach that emotions have to be controlled and contained and got passed. We don't do that. We honor emotions. We take people into them, listen to them, help them hear the key messages about survival and what they need that are in them, and then take them through them. And if you look at a couple at the end of EFT, they're much more emotionally balanced. And when they feel vulnerable or hurt, they're better at dealing with it. Securely attached kids in all the research studies, there's thousands of studies on infant mother attachment, child parent attachment. There's hundreds and hundreds of studies on adult attachment now. When you look at them all, they all basically say we need this connection with other people. We need it and we have these incredible sensitivities.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Happens to you when you hear that? Want to hear that I'm a failure all the time, okay? So in the moment before the anger, You hear is you hear your wife saying, You're failing. You're bad partner. Did I say that? Um, well.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Most people start there. So I say, so could you help me when your partner says this? That's hard for you to hear. That doesn't really make sense to you and you just say here we go again and you get angry. And then I'll stay with that. Because underneath the anger, before the anger, there's some sort of threat. There's some sort of a threat going on, right? It pisses me off because that's not what I do. That's just the way she sees it. I don't do that. She tells me. So I said, okay, so it pisses you off because from your point of view, you're trying really, really hard to be a good husband. Yes. And from your point of view, she somehow picks on this one thing and it kind of proves that you're not a good husband. Yes. And that makes you really, really angry. It does. And that must be very, very difficult to hear. Yes it's his”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Foolishly, what I want is for him to turn and say, oh, well, have I left you alone? I'm so sorry. Yes, I do want these conversations. But of course, I'm using a club, so I'm smacking him to get him to respond. And the trouble with that one is the smacking pushes him further away. And that's one of the ironic things as human beings that sometimes when we love people, we're so unable to really reach for them or know how to reach for them the way we do try to reach, we push them further away.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“up in the ante is what i did with my description of my husband and me where instead of turning and saying I'm missing our conversations. I say, I guess you're tired again. You're tired an awful lot these days. I guess you're really tired. So listen to me. I'm pushing.”
2024-06-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #747: Seth Godin and Dr. Sue Johnson · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT