YouSaid · the spoken record

Elizabeth Day

lines on the record: 109
first: 2021-04-19
most recent: 2021-04-19
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“It is okay. I have to be a bit vague because there's a massive twist in it And it's a sort of psychological, twisty novel, but it's about a lot of what we've been talking about today. It's about dysfunctional motherhood and what happens when you think you know what you want and then your dreams come true and then it just turns out to be a total illusion. Have I sold it”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, I wrote another book before that called How to Fail originally. Everything I've ever learned from things going wrong, which is my memoir, part memoir, part manifesto. The podcast available on all podcast platforms, I'm on social media at Eliza B Day, and I've got a novel out. My new novel is out in September and it's called Magpie.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I also love what you do and what you stand for, and honestly, your Instagram page, I don't know how you have so much wisdom at such a young age. But we will find your perfect match”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Thank you for giving me a safe space and for making me feel like I can be vulnerable with you. I have loved this conversation so much. I really, truly have. And I love that I've been able to swear.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Women, and it's been incredibly hard for people homeschooling their children. But for people who don't have children and desperately long for that, for people who are going through fertility treatment that's been delayed by the pandemic, for people who've experienced miscarriages during lockdown, as I have, it's incredibly painful to see parents complaining about homeschooling and how difficult that is to have these children that they have to homeschool. That's a very difficult thing. No one is to blame for that. I take personal responsibility for my reaction and that's where I need to curate my social media feed. That is absolutely not the fault of the parent question. They should totally do that and lean into it. And that is completely right and appropriate. That's up to me to take that responsibility on. It's just that I know I wouldn't feel comfortable shouting it from the rooftops because I know how fucking painful and traumatic it is to go through.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I mean, it's never personally directed. It's just a sort of envy or yearning would be a better word for an experience that thus far has been denied me. And I think lockdown and the pandemic has been so hard for...”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Definitely, and I respect that because I've been there and I felt it, and I feel it still, and I totally understand that.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I am still determined to be a mother When I get pregnant I will have, I don't think I would share that publicly because I would feel Fearful and anxious, and also because I have such respect for women who are going through fertility issues that I would just never do that. But that involves another person, the one that I'm carrying. So I'm not sure whether the parameters your question really fit around. But that is one thing that I've thought about. So that's quite a heavy answer.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oversharing as it pertains to women just very quickly, I think women are often shamed into silence. And I've definitely experienced that. So I'm being like, why do you talk about all this stuff? Why don't you keep it private? Precisely so that I attack that kind of narrative because I feel that so many people feel shame and stigma over things they don't need to feel it for. And it's because people stay silent. So I think it's also a bit of a stick with which to beat women.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The problem with so many politicians, I was so inspired by Angela Merkel recently because she apologised for having overturned a lockdown ruling over Easter. She's like, I'm really sorry I got that wrong. I was like, oh my gosh, thank you.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If a team leader is in that position, I think it's about being able to bring your authentic whole self to work, but being able to show that you're not defined by the things that have gone wrong. Or if you are defined by you or defined in a good way, in that you're choosing to lean into this particular feeling because it's going to teach you something that you need to know. That's the sort of responsibility of a leader, I think. It's not to pretend that everything's fine and to wear this mask of the perfect boss. It's to be someone who acknowledges that life can be tough and who shares what they're going to do about that. Think we need to have confidence in our leaders that they have an idea about what to do with it when they're sharing it in the workplace.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Exactly. And that can be a different safe space for different people. It can be your therapist. It can be your sibling. It can be the in-house therapy that your workplace hopefully provides. But I also think that it goes back to what we were saying earlier.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because I don't think that you can share with everyone immediately after you've experienced pain. Like that's too soon. And also you can't trust everyone to honor what you're sharing. So I don't think you can be too vulnerable, but it's a question of choosing the things that you then take your vulnerability and share from and who you share them with. That was such an ineloquent way of saying that it was good.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't think there's any such thing as too vulnerable. I do think there is such a thing as oversharing. And I only say, I make that distinction because oversharing is about telling your story to others. And obviously there are right and appropriate times and places to do that. I'm not advocating that someone goes into work and just starts sobbing at their desks. There's definitely a time and place for that, but I wouldn't suggest doing that every single day. Like to protect yourself, you need to find a safe space that you can share those vulnerabilities with and then build up your strength and your confidence and realize what it is that you do want to speak more publicly about.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because I think that when we're vulnerable, we're being real and we're letting our masks slip and you're seeing a glimpse of who the authentic person is. And there's something. Absolutely quintessentially human about that. So it's a human recognizing another human. It's a human recognizing another human beneath the pretense. And I think it also reassures people because as we've been talking about in this culture that we live in, which is so defined by social media and how you appear and the currency of perfection, again, it's such a relief. It makes you feel like you can breathe and someone's like, oh God, I've heard you about today. I sat in bed in my pajamas eating hummus direct from the tub because I felt really down. That's an act of singular generosity to someone else who can then have the space to talk about how they're feeling.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Feedback loop of just amazing people sharing their stories and their vulnerabilities and also saying that they felt less alone because I shared mine. And really that's what my entire life was about, ultimately, is connection. And so I really want to encourage people not to be scared of opening up about the things that they perceive as their weaknesses because so often what you think of as your most personal shame turns out to have most universal resonance. And that was certainly my experience talking about fertility and miscarriage and divorce. Like, actually, that's where I've had the greatest impact, I think. And I'm so grateful for that”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that's something that I have genuinely learned through the podcast. The first season of the podcast I did, I was very much, I came from a very traditional newspaper journalist background. So for me, it was like, I'm interviewing my guest. I will ask the questions and I will listen and then I will ask another question. And it was only as time went on that I felt more comfortable sharing my own experiences. And whenever I did that, I had such an incredible”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, I like that too because you probably do feel personal satisfaction. It's like, but when we choose to be open about our vulnerabilities, that's paradoxically when we find the most strength and the source of the most real connections with other people.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Becomes a lot easier to deal with because you're not struggling against feeling it. You're like, well, I'm on track because I'm now weak four. So yeah, I'm still feeling miserable. That's okay. And it somehow makes you feel better.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Actually, that was a really good six weeks, I did feel better. It was a good, it was like a manageable length of time. And I was like, oh,”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You're so right. And that's where personal responsibility comes in. And so in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, you're going to probably feel Heartbroken and really sad. Once you've processed that, Then your responsibility is to understand what part you played in the dynamic. But for those first few weeks, do whatever you need to do to get through. And if you need to blame someone and just keep saying rejection is protection and what a loser. Do it because you just need to get through that initial phase of awfulness. I actually, my last serious breakup, I was in such a dark place. I Googled how long does it take to get over heartbreak?”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think that's listen, I don't know if it's true or not, but it's what I choose to believe because it makes me feel. Better about life to believe”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, yes, I think I suppose it depends on the nature of the rejection. Like, it has to be a serious one. It can't just be an unread WhatsApp message that you're interpreting as a rejection.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You'll get past this and believing that rejection is protection. If you're rejected. That person is not for you, either because they've been stupid enough to fucking reject you. Because action is character. And if they've dumped you, it's like, well, do you really want to trust that person for the rest of your life? No.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, and we're also taught to avoid feelings of sadness, like good vibes only. And you're like, no, actually, sometimes you need to be in that sadness. You need to feel that discomfort to understand what life really is. Life is texture. Life is all sorts of emotions. And when we feel grief because a relationship has ended or because we've lost someone, that as that famous quote says, is the price you pay for love. And in a way, it's a beautiful thing to feel because it's a signifier of how much you love.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It would meet me where I was, and it might not come in the package that I expected, and it didn't. I met Justin on a hinge date that I almost didn't go on. And it doesn't immediately feel like the thing that you thought you wanted because actually that hasn't worked out for you. So it's always better to make a different choice, I think. So, yeah, it's just about how, although relationships feel that they might be life ending at the time, they never, never, when they end, they never, never are. And often someone has been sent to you, whether it be a friendship, a work colleague, or a lover, to teach you a lesson that you needed to know. And when a relationship ends, it's because you've been taught that lesson.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's the worst, isn't it? It's the worst. Yeah, I totally relate. And I now realize that I learned something very instructive from each one of those relationships and from the fact that they ended. It taught me something that I needed to know about myself. And I realized that love that was ready for me, I didn't need to fight to convince it”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It in a nutshell. I've had countless failed relationships and it sucks. Like heartbreak, there is no pain like heartbreak”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Exhausting. And so, really, what I wanted to say in that failure principle was that so many people come on in podcasts and say that they feel they failed at their 20s. And I think a lot of us fall into the trap and I did too of believing that we had to have our life sorted out by then. And actually your 20s are a decade of transition of discovering who you are, of grinding up the spices of life in your pestle and mortar. And the older you get my experience has been, the more you know yourself and the more you know what you want to do. And that's where success lies. I've had so many more opportunities after leaving my 20s behind in the rearview mirror.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In this day and age, it's just so hard to do all that at once. And then you're like, oh, and I should be having like a thriving personal life and I should either be in a long-term relationship or having Wine Night Sands and making foot loose and fancy free and drinking loads. And then at the weekend making vegan brownies because I got to watch what I eat. And all of that sort of stuff. And it's”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think that's So great to hear And also, I think that a lot of people struggle in their 20s, particularly in this day and age, because of the curse of comparison and because we live in a culture of curated perfection where you're constantly comparing yourself to your peers filtered appearance on Instagram and the life that they seem to be living. So we're comparing our insides with everyone else's projection of their outsides. Exactly, yeah. And for many people, although I know not you, but for many people, it's the first time that they've come out of full-time education and come out of a system of exam and reward, exam and reward. And there is no exam that you can sit to show that you're being a good grown-up. So you feel quite lost, plus piling on top of that the pressure to find your passion, to like make a career for yourself, but also to earn enough to pay your rent living in house shares, like just trying to make your way and trying to forge your identity.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, not you. Okay, so it's Steam Barla, I'm pretty sure. Do you think you failed in your 20s? Probably personally, sorry. No, no”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But do you think that Because we've had millennia of things one way, the transitional phase is always going to have to be extreme as the pendulum swings to one end and so that it can then stabilize in the center. And we're just living through an age of transition.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, I think you're right. And I think. Compassion and nuance can't be fitted into the binary world of social media a lot of the time.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I know, but I do. So I would love to hear from you what's my responsibility, because I did post a black square because I was like, if I don't post a black square, then that feels wrong to me as well. I mean, but this is just”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“On the record, totally on the record. So I felt really conflicted on social media around Black Lives Matter and the horrendous tragic, to my mind, illegal death of George Floyd. And I was like, but I felt like I don't need to post on Instagram that I think killing black people is bad. Like surely that's a given.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like, I don't like the fact that I feel as though I constantly have to say, I constantly have to show my battles and my wounds and my sadness in order to earn the right to a platform from which I can speak and write as a woman. Now, there are certain white middle class, privately educated men out there who never have to do that apologizing. They never have to do that caveat.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There's a certain dialogue that is had around women where I feel women are more often challenged for talking about their personal experiences than men are. And maybe you can tell me that.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, okay. It did feel before I'd done the thinking like an attack. It did feel like, well, hang on a second, I have worked hard to be where I am. And actually, if you only knew, like there are things that I never talk about or write about that will never be in the public domain because they involve other people. Okay. So I just can't, I choose not to go there. And then I read more about it and talked more about it. It's absolutely true that I have had massive advantages in my life. And that's a fact. As is the fact that I've worked hard as well, but I did have those advantages. So for me to deny that feels really wrong and actually irresponsible. And now I feel like...”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it's been hard in other ways. Like everyone has their own lived experience. I'm talking from a place of, you know, I wrote a book called How to Fail, which was part memoir, part manifesto, like a memoir by its nature cannot be intersectional. Like I'm speaking from my own life and I'm bringing in voices of other people who can speak to those experiences because it would be delusional and offensive for me to try.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and someone would think, oh, well, it's all very well for her to say that. It's just a kind of acknowledgement that it's been easier for me in certain respects.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, of course I have to say that. Because I don't want people to think that I haven't thought about it. And I also think that it's important to have the discussion.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I think it's tremendously important. I want to caveat what I'm about to say by saying, I'm very aware that certain people are given more opportunities to fail because of the elitist society in which we live, because of the racist society in which we live, because of a society which marginalizes entire groups of people through no fault of their own, I'm aware that I, as a white middle class woman, have been given shitloads of opportunities to fail. So I'm totally aware of that, that there's a sliding scale.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and becoming defined by that. I can choose to be defined by something else. I can choose to be defined by my response to it. I can choose to find some kind of meaning in something that was meaningless at the time. And that's how I choose to live my life because that makes it less sad. And I think that that choice is available for most of us.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Mourning and coming to terms with the thing that you've lost. And that's absolutely right and as it should be. My only thing is the way that I choose to live my life is I mourn but I don't have to constantly relive the pain. I can still feel sadness about something, but I don't need to live in that place of reliving it constantly.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Out to your A really valuable step. And the other thing that I would say there is that I'm very aware that my definition of failure, which is what happens when life doesn't go according to plan, has a fatal flaw, which is that sometimes there are failures that are totally cataclysmic that we couldn't possibly have predicted, that go against any plan whatsoever, like a global pandemic, like a terrible illness that you contract like the death of a loved one. It would be monstrous for me to sit here and say those failures are as easily assimilated or learnt from or dealt with as fading your driving test. And so I'm not saying that at all. Those kind of failures will require a process of”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It can work like that. I mean, to take the example you've just given, one of the ways of looking at that, if you're then stuck in a down recycle and you're failing and you're trying the thing, is that you're therefore in the wrong situation. So you're in the wrong workplace, for instance, that isn't generous enough to make you feel okay after your failures or doesn't make you feel like you can be your true self, in which case I would argue you need to remove yourself from that situation and find the place that does suit you. Or it can be a question of mindset and a question of applying that mindset that we've just talked about, which is, okay, I failed. I'm feeling in a downward spiral. How much of that is fact? That's a very difficult thing to do on your own when you're at a very low ebb. And that's why I'm a huge advocate of therapy. And again, I know that I come from a privileged place where I can afford therapy. But even if it starts with reaching out to your friend and talking about it, or reach out.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, so that actually just feeds in with what we were talking about, which is the idea that failure is a fact. It's inevitable. It's going to happen to all of us no matter how much we try to avoid it. I guarantee that it will happen. And that can feel scary, but it can also feel liberating because once you've accepted it as a fact, there's no point in trying to avoid it. So you might as well take the risk. So acceptance of failure starts with the observation of it. Failure is a fact, but how you respond to it is within your control. Whether you decide to feel like a failure for many years after the thing that's happened, or whether you think to yourself, okay, well, that's taught me something and I'll do it differently next time.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah. That's why people sometimes are kind enough to ask me for writing tips on how to write. And one of the things that I say is like, don't feel guilty for not actually doing the writing sometimes. Like sometimes you literally need to take a walk and be around people or be on the top deck of a double decker bus and look out the window because your brain needs rest, but it also needs like a creative fallow period where the field is left fallow and then it becomes more fertile in the future. And all of that feeds into your inspiration.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Totally. And also, for me, it feels like I'm not really thinking when I am. I will have processed something that has been bothering me for days.”
2021-04-19 · The Diary of a CEO · Elizabeth Day Opens Up About Heartbreak, Miscarriage & Failure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT