YouSaid · the spoken record

Gabby Logan

lines on the record: 85
first: 2022-10-31
most recent: 2022-10-31
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“About it again, and she said, Your shit things happened. And now then she, and that was such a powerful thing to say because although another shit thing can happen, of course, you know, it just, it stopped me. It kind of really stopped me in my tracks. And I thought, I've got to reframe this and stop thinking or stop believing that something else is coming down the tracks, that I'm going to have to deal with. And I'm not a natural worrier. So to be in that kind of state, so it wasn't worry. You know, it wasn't me sitting there thinking, oh, I'm not going to cross the road because a car's going to come. It wasn't about taking risks. It was just a self-defense mechanism ready for it. I'm ready for it. Something's going to happen and I'm ready. And so it wasn't I wanted to stop my life. So I didn't, I didn't get hurt or, you know, people I loved didn't get hurt, but I wanted to be ready next time because I wasn't ready the last time.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think two things. One, and it took me a while to correct this, in my head thought, although I was busy getting, you know, getting busy and doing things and doing my degree and everything else, there was part of me that thought, okay, now terrible things can happen at any time. So tomorrow another terrible thing could happen. And I was almost waiting for that next thing. Because if he can die and he's that healthy looking and he'd never complained about any chest pains, he was an athlete, like a proper athlete. You know, he just, he could run and run and run. If he can die like that, well, terrible things can happen all the time. But I didn't express this, but it was my kind of, there was a feeling inside me that that was possible. So there was that part of the kind of the process, you know, was going on inside me, even though I was busy, I was expecting a terrible thing. And I had this therapist a few years later who she just looked at me one day and she worked because I was obviously manifesting this or talking about it.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah. And I think although I did experience after that immediate kind of rush of energy, there was a silence and time for sadness to come in. I did default.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Way you know to lose a child, there is no easy way to lose a child. But I think counseling and talking to people is really, really helpful for me. I found having somebody to process what was going on was really helpful. And finding kindred spirits as well, you know, people who've been through similar experiences and you find them without wanting to sound kind of too kind of woo-woo spiritual, but I think those people come into your life as well at the time that you need them. And then you've got to be open to them being there. But when I met my husband, that was something we immediately connected on because he lost a cousin who was like a brother to him who was in his 30s but had two small children. And my husband was only 19 when that happened. That was a tragic accident. And again, a sudden death and that devastated his young world.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's such a personal thing, grief, isn't it? Because it depends on your own relationship with death, what you feel about mortality, how you feel about that person obviously is hugely significant. Also, what they did in their life. You know, I find myself, I've had lots of relatives, I think four, who've lived to be 100, four or five. So I've been to funerals of people at 105. That was a joyous life, you know, and that was a great celebration. So I think it always depends on all those factors, those relationships. I think the one thing that I would say from our experience with Daniel, which was a life cut very short and very sudden, I think it's, and it doesn't matter if it isn't sudden. And I've wrestled with that as well. We all did about Daniel, like, would it have been better if we'd known? What if he'd been ill and we had time to get our heads around it? Would it have made any difference? And there's no right or wrong.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Lives. But with him, it was things like the 16th birthday, the 18th birthday, you know, there's all these big kind of landmark occasions. And then you have your own children and you start to look at his life differently because when my son got to 15 and was nearly 16, my kid's birthday is only a few days away from his birthday, I realized when my son turned 16. I realised that I'd been worried about him not being 16 Daniel never got there, so I did I did have a fear that I was going to repeat history.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Want to keep their, you know, kind of their memory life, but also, I think, you wonder then if everything would have been different in the family, because ultimately my parents divorced and my dad was using alcohol to medicate himself. And it's a lot to put on Daniel's shoulders, but you think if he hadn't died, would we all still be together? Would this, you know, would the family unit have survived? And so there are those days where just years later you could be flawed. So I don't think there was one day, but what happens is you start to notice a few weeks have gone by now and life's been quite good and I've been able to find joy in things. And I've done something and not thought, but would it have been better if Daniel had been here? And you go through all those anniversaries, you know, so the first year of the first Christmas, the first birthdays, all of those things, that's the, you know, getting through those anniversaries is always tough for anybody who loses anybody of significance in their life.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't remember there being one day in particular because even years afterwards, you know, a few years afterwards I could find myself sobbing over something that I'd seen or I'd read or when I started working in Telly, I remember I used to be obsessed when I started working in football with the dates of players' births because they would be his age. And I knew that he might be playing in that match or he could have, you know, and so there would be something that would just kind of throw me or I wasn't necessarily looking for it, but then it would just occur to me that they were the same age. And you do that thing where you wonder, well, first of all, would he be playing this match? What kind of play would he have been? I wonder if he'd have had a girlfriend by now. I wonder if he'd have met somebody he wanted to marry. Now I wonder if he'd have children, you know, and you do that through the life of the person that, you know, is no longer with you because you...”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“After the energy left those oh god, this is real, those feelings of just despair and kind of sadness just took longer to get yourself going. And, you know, you do feel kind of just sometimes, or you did feel immobilized with that sadness. And as a family, it just kind of pushes everybody off into kind of different corners, if you like. You know, it's like a sledgehammer coming down and just shattering something that had been a very tight unit. It then takes a long, long time, I think, for things to get back to any kind of normalcy or what you can now call your new normal.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Her and trying to kind of like keep this energy going that we'd experienced during the week leading up to the funeral. And then suddenly it all starts to quieten down and people stop coming around. People stop bringing food round. People stop ringing to see if you're okay. And then this kind of quietness descends on the house and the home and everybody in it. And that's when you really start facing grief because grief didn't have room to come in, you know, in those first few weeks. There was no space for it. It was all about energy and activity and trying to do your best for everybody. And then the reality, you know, just on a daily basis of kind of, I mean, every day, even when the energy was there, you'd wake up just with those first thoughts of the day would just, oh God, you know, it really is, it's happened. It's real. It's not a dream. And getting yourself mobilized. But then...”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The immediate aftermath, like the weeks after something, is a strange mix of activity and energy, because you're organizing funerals, people are kind of coming, hundreds of people descending on the house constantly, people coming. And actually there was a kind of an energy in the house that just kept you, you just kept going and doing things. My mom didn't. She very much stopped and she went into almost a kind of after the funeral she was almost catatonic and just kind of almost sat and did nothing for about a month. But I think I was the eldest child. My sister at the time was modelling in Japan. She'd flown home for the funeral but then went off quite quickly afterwards. My dad decided to go on tour with Wales who was managing. So I decided my life in London was over and I was going to stay home and try and help. And my mum had a fledgling property business so I was kind of running around doing errands for her.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They thought he wasn't responsive as opposed to he was actually dead. And then my dad said that my dad went with him in the ambulance and my dad said at one point the ambulance went round a bend really quickly and his arm flew out and landed in my dad's lap. And my dad said that when the arm, when his arm landed, that's when he knew his dead because he said he just felt that there was no life, there was nothing that showed any response. So his hope was crushed.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So we had a neighbor who was a he'd worked on oil rigs offshore and he had paramedic qualifications. He wasn't actually a paramedic, but he'd done some so my mum thought, oh, Morris next door, he'll know what to do. And my mom was, when she was telling me later and then years later when we discussed it, she was, she said she was so relaxed about it because he wasn't dead. He just collapsed. And, you know, nobody could think of him as being an unfit person. So she wasn't relaxed in the sense she wasn't urgent, but she just thought Morris would sort this out. You know, Morris came round and he couldn't get him back, he couldn't get his heart going. But they still didn't use the word. I don't think they said his heart stopped because nobody wants to say that to a parent. So Morris obviously put him in the ambulance, I think, knowing that his heart stopped. But my parents didn't know his heart stopped. They thought he was collapsed or he was in some kind of like, you know, heat-induced coma or something had happened to him that meant he just wasn't responsive.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“At the last euros collapsed on the pitch, and his life was saved because he was in the perfect place for that to happen. There was medical resource around, you know, people knew what they were doing. And Daniel was in the garden. There was nothing there. So he was never going to survive that. But if you, you know, if he'd been somewhere where there was a defibrillator or he was in a hospital when it happened, he may well have survived. But at the time, obviously we just couldn't get our heads around it.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They did not expect that as the outcome. And my mum had phoned her mum who lived in Leeds. And so a couple of the family members were at the hospital, which was also strange, you know, that they would be there. And so it was a completely just, it sounded fanciful to me. I couldn't get my head around the idea that this very fit young man would just collapse. And I wanted to immediately want to know kind of more, but there was nothing. And that's a really frustrating and there was no internet to go and go, okay, how can a young person die? How does this happen? And we now know, of course, so much more about cardiac arrest in the young. And there's a, you know, hypertrophic cardiomopathy is what he was diagnosed with. And that means basically the heart just stops without warning. And we've seen very famous incidents in football, Christian Erickson, the Danish footballer.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, that I didn't know that this was all happening. I wasn't being given a blow by blow account of what was happening. All I had was at that point her information, which was very scant that something had happened to his heart. His heart had just stopped. And the doctor who was at A&E or the emergency section of the hospital when they arrived happened to be the doctor who gave them birth to me who'd help my mum deliver me. And he was the old leg united doctor. So he had known the family for a very long time. It was a complete coincidence. He was doing a shift on a bank holiday. And he just walked out of theatre about an hour after my brother had gone in and, you know, shook his head. And it's that kind of nightmare, nightmare scenario for any family, any parent that, you know, they just didn't, they believed he was going into hospital because he got heat stroke or something. And in their heads, they created what it was a hot day. He must have been dehydrated.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He was playing football with my dad and my little brother was six, Jordan, and he'd just gone over to get a football and he collapsed and died. And that was it. That was as much as my mum knew at that point because by this point she'd been to hospital and she had already kind of got home, which sounds really bizarre saying that in 2022 because now we would have been on the phone the minute he collapsed. You know, she would have rung me and said, but they didn't have mobile phones or if they had a mobile phone, it was very, you know, basic. I don't even know if they had a car phone. And so the immediate thing was to get him to hospital and to get an ambulance. And so to not include everybody in that process. So I was in London. She was in Leeds. And then they were at the hospital and then they came home. And it was hours later that I found out, which again seems strange.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“She called me and the phone rang and I sat on the bed and said hello in the kind of, you know, normal, cheery way. And she said, Daniel's dead. And that was, you know, I can't express how shocking that is because he was fine, you know. So there was nothing wrong with Daniel. He wasn't ill. He'd never been ill. You know, he'd never had anything wrong with him. So it was so just mind-blowing to hear. You know, in my mind immediately created a narrative that he had been run over or he had been in a car accident. I decided quickly that he was in a car because he was 16, nearly, he was 15 going on 16. Maybe one of the older boys that he knew had just passed his test. Maybe he'd been taken. And I had him driving down this road that I knew in Leeds. And this is where it happened. And then very quickly my mom started to tell me actually what had happened. That was not what had happened at all. He collapsed in the garden.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“really was it was very visceral when i when i was there writing um probably because it's a day that i have relived so many times”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, absolutely. And when I wrote that chapter, which turned out to be the first chapter in the book because it was, I wrote it because I wanted to practice writing to get myself into the rhythm of writing the book, not knowing where that chapter would be. And when I wrote it, I realized it had to be the start of the book because it was the seminal day of my life, really, because there is a before and there's an after. And that day is that day that really defined so many things for me. And when I sat down to write, I took myself kind of right back into that day. I could almost smell the air, you know, because it was a bank holiday Monday. I was living in a small flat in Earlsfield in London and everybody's windows were open because it was a lovely day and people were barbecuing in their little gardens and I could smell the coals and I could feel the air coming through the windows almost and I was just taken right back into that moment, the light, everything that came through the window when I sat on the bed. I can see the duvet cover. You know.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Minimalize Their issues and their problems. It's okay for you because you've been through so many different things and you know it's going to be all right, but they don't know that right now. So it's important, I think, to just always try and take yourself back to that teenager.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Do that as a child, and you realize the reception is good, and you're not going to be judged or anybody think any less of you, you're more likely to come back and do it again. So I think it is a lot about the home and having the example of somebody doing that in front of you is really powerful. And you never with your kids, it's never a finished job where you feel like, oh yeah, he's somebody, but I really do feel like he knows he can talk to us about anything and he can talk to other people. And he does, you know, bring his anxieties and troubles home. I think the key thing I find as a parent that you have to remember, especially when they're kind of turned 13, that age, sometimes those things to you seem quite trivial. And you think, why are you bothering about that? And then you've got to remember what it's like to be 13 and 14 and how huge those things are and how big they were for you and not just go, that really doesn't matter. And actually it's really important that you don't.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, we talk about specifically, we talk about it a lot and we hope we lead by example as parents, but I'm more mindful of it with my son because of the male kind of resistance almost to have that open dialogue. But he is very much a kind of, he lets, where's his heart and his sleeve, likes to tell you stuff. And I think that's probably because his dad is very much like that. So he sees his father being like that and feels confident that he can do that. And I think once you...”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Still harbor those feelings perhaps, they wouldn't say that in public. So I think if he had, and he did have the opportunity when my brother died and after Bradford to talk to people, but he resisted that, you know, he didn't want to sit down and speak to a counsellor. And I think that was probably because of the historic kind of experiences that he'd had, you know, it just wasn't something that he felt. Talking to people outside of the home, he was not comfortable.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He was very, my dad was always a very emotional person, so I don't feel like he kept his emotions locked up. You know, he would in front of us, he would cry, you know, he would watch something on TV, usually sport that would make him teary. So it wasn't as if he was this hard person who didn't tell you he loved you. He told us he loved us. But I feel like as a professional in his job, I feel like it was probably very hard for him to show any weakness outside of the home and show any, and when I say weakness, such a pejorative term because actually it's not a weakness to say, I think I could be better if I just had this bit of time here or I could speak to somebody or I could communicate better about how I'm feeling about this. And we are talking about a very different era. And when it was that it's not manly, you know, it's not manly to behave in that way. And we just wouldn't hear those terms now, even though some people...”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, he did all of this and never sat down with anybody and took stock or had a counsellor or took a break from that relentlessness. And so I think I understand him a lot better now through looking at his life through that prism almost of seeing that and you understand I talk in the book about him drinking too much and using that to self-medicate through his life and to the point where it became, you know, it's been a problem and he's been hospitalized. But of course now if he was that sports person now, there'd be a sports psychologist at the club. You know, there'd be somebody saying let's have a chat, let's talk about what's going on, why you're feeling these levels of anxiety. So it's definitely something that I'm much better at, but I think that's also a product of the age that we live in, that we're all so much more aware of the need to stop and the need to process.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so already you're in that age, you're having to build up defenses. And then he was told he wasn't good enough and had to keep working harder and eventually played there for 10 years and was an international captain for his country. So he did achieve incredible things in his career, but never stopped. You know, it was relentless being a footballer is relentless, being a sports person is relentless. You're never going to achieve perfection. You're always looking for it. So how do you feel satisfied? When do you actually sit down and go, that was really good? And I suppose there was a sense of him always wanting, you know, keep going, keep going. And then when you turn to management, which he did straight away without a break, and then he went through huge, huge tragedy. He was the assistant manager of Bradford City when the fire there took 56 lives and we were all there at the game that day. And he went to almost every funeral in the space of six weeks after that.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Absolutely. He came from a generation of men. He came from a, well, first of all, let's go back. He came from a really tough working class estate in Cardiff. He was 15 years old when he was plucked out of that and given an opportunity to go to Legion United and be a footballer. 15 years old. He'd left his home and he was living in digs with a family who kind of put footballers up. And he was, you know, that was a way out for him. His dad had been a docker and he'd owned working men's clubs. And when I say owned, he'd kind of run a working man's club. His mum had four or five different jobs. She was doing night shift cleaning and he had siblings who left school without qualifications and did working class blue-collar jobs. And so this was a big opportunity. And this wasn't the day.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You work hard, and that's the example that he set to us. I think that all creates a confidence. And when I say confidence, it's not misplaced in the sense that you think everything you do is going to be brilliant because you really need to know that you're going to fail at things, obviously, and that things are going to go wrong. And I could see that with both of them. But I think a belief that if it does go wrong, it's okay because you can move on. So I feel one of the biggest blessings I had as a child was leaving school with confidence.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I would. I think that is something as well that my husband and I talk about this a lot. The greatest gift you can give children is self-esteem, I think. And he left school without self-esteem because he was dyslexic and left without any qualifications. And it is his big passion that kids should always have the star within them found before they leave school, whatever that is. You know, somebody needs to tell you you are good at something before you're on your way. And I feel like I was incredibly lucky because I left school with really good self-esteem and I had a childhood that gave me good self-esteem. You know, and I believed that I could achieve things and I could get on in life. And I think a lot of that was my mum's positivity, certainly, but also my dad's example of really hard work and seeing him really graft and really believe that, you know, what you put in, you got out. And I think that's really rewarding, you know. That makes you feel so good.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think it has, there's a double edged sword to it. My mum, and it depends, I guess, on the other person in the relationship. My mum has always been a very positive person. So she looked at these things for us as adventures. She would say to me and my siblings, we're going to move to this place and it's going to be very exciting. And you're going to go to a new school and it's a chance to meet new people. And so her sense of adventure gave us a confidence and a sense that it was going to be okay. So that was great. But then what I realized writing the book was that it probably made me a bit flighty when it came to friends when I was younger. And I look back at I was writing about a really close friend I had when I was 13. I've got no idea where she is now. And I think because the next time I had to move on somewhere and at that point I was actually staying within Leeds, but I probably was moving schools. I got used to going bye-bye and kind of moving on to the next place. So I was probably experiencing a bit of self-preservation, you know, not wanting to get too close.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He was a professional football player, so that means potentially moving house, moving city at the drop of a hat. This was the 70s and 80s, the days where you could be transferred midweek. It wasn't a transfer window that we have now. So he would often upsticks and move on and then a few months later we'd follow”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I hope I've gone into that in my book and I've tried to understand that myself. And one of the biggest compliments somebody has paid me who's read the book is somebody I work with really closely and she just said to me I get so much about you from some of the stories you've told as a child even. And we can all point to big incidents that happen in life. But actually sometimes it's just the small things that create in your mind an urgency or they create a desire or a passion that still burns inside you and you wonder where it came from. So I think you probably would need to understand a bit about the parenting that I received and the context of our family life and where when we moved around and how our lives were predicated by my dad's job and what he did and the background that he had as well.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A day that I have relived so many times in my mind. I can't express how shocking that is because he was fine. In my mind, immediately created a narrative that he had been run over or he had been in a car accident. And then very quickly my mom started to tell me actually what had happened.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Very male dominated environment, and there certainly were people who exhibited kind of mechismo. And there were times where I felt like I was trying to conform, but it didn't make me feel very good. I wasn't happy. My dad was assistant manager of Bradford City when the fire there took 56 lives and we were all there at the game that day. The seminal day of my life, really, because there is a before and there's an after. And that day is that day that really defined so many things for me.”
2022-10-31 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabby Logan Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Past · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT