YouSaid · the spoken record

Gabor Maté

lines on the record: 140
first: 2022-11-07
most recent: 2022-11-07
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Well, thank you so much. Thank you so much for giving me the platform to. Talk about my work and just the opportunity to meet you. Thanks a lot.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If kids in Britain Didn't have to live in poverty. Wouldn't that make you feel better? So to the extent that it makes us feel better, you might say it's selfish, but...”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In a different sense. I mean, any dreams I have for a better world have the function of making me feel better. Of maybe even the stuff that happened to me or the stuff that happened to you, it would mean a lot to me if they didn't happen to any more children. So in the sense that it would mean a lot to me, you might say it's selfish, but it's not purely about me. It's about something larger. I'm not trying to paint myself as some kind of altruistic saint. I'm just saying that would make me feel better. If I really knew that kids in Gaza didn't have to face any more bombings, if kids in Israel didn't have to face anymore, danger of terrorist attacks, if not that I see inequality there, but I'd like that for both of them. If kids in Ukraine, they have to live under the threat of missiles falling if people in Russia didn't have to feel live with the fear of perhaps a nuclear conflict or their young men being conscripted.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't know if the stuff lasts because it certainly involves my own history and certainly would make me feel better. So in that sense it's selfish you might say but they're not they don't have to do with personal I have enough you know I've done enough and I have enough so I don't have any Anything lacking that I need to dream about.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know what? I'm not sure how to say it with that question because not trying to get out of it, but I'm just trying to look at my own reaction to it. You know, at this point, I don't have too many. What does it mean selfish, by the way? Let me ask you that what does that mean? Something that is for me at the expense of others. I don't think I have any dreams like that left. I might have. I did have at some point. But if I have a dream. For myself in that sense of self enhancing dream, something that enhances my ego or something, well, if this book sold a billion copies, well, that would be a nice selfish dream, you know. But I don't know how else to answer that. I do have dreams, but they're more about... The state of the world that I'd like to see future generations inherit.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And all that gunk in my eye, I'm like trying to just, you know, yeah. Well, how would both you and I work on not doing that so much?”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, it's both. I mean, they certainly create algorithms to stimulate your brain and get you hooked on a dopamine hit. They call that neuromarketing. Neural marketing, can you get that? They work on your brain to get you addicted, but it also comes from an earlier discomfort with the self that predates. Any cell phone use, it goes back to earliest childhood where it couldn't have been comfortable to be just with yourself because of circumstances.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I've some ideas It really means Being okay with my mind the way it is and not needing it to be any different. That's what it would Which means if I'm sitting there for five minutes, I don't have to reach a little cell phone to occupy my mind. In the midst of this busy book tour and all the speaking I do, I don't do enough to take care of that quiet. Voice inside myself. I don't. I think it would take some attention.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's a sense of peace when I'm not doing anything. Capacity just to be. That's something Still looking for not looking for like I was looking for a lost puppy but I'm still searching myself for.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Absolutely. It's quite remarkable. Teachers don't know how much power they have because of the vulnerability of the young brain. And when many teachers will sometimes behave in ways that are really hurtful to kids just because they don't get it, not because they don't mean well. So I've had many adults sit in my office say with tears in their eyes about something a teacher said to them three decades before like the classroom The class will continue, and Johnny comes back to Earth. This kind of sarcastic little dig can undermine a child's dignity and sense of self so easily. So your teachers just understood how powerful they are and how important they are in helping to promote healthy brain development. I think their profession would take in a whole new meaning. That would be much more satisfying than it is right now.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But to help them develop healthy brains, what does that require? Safety above all, lack of pressure, healthy relationship with nurturing adults. And if the kids are not going to spend their time with the parents, which they can't in the society, like they used to throughout human evolution, let them spend their time with adults who are emotionally nurturing and emotionally penetrating the attentive to the child's needs. Now you're going to have schools that are going to relage teach kids something and where kids will want to learn. And it's very simple. It doesn't take more training and it doesn't take more, well, it takes some training perhaps, but not more than what teachers are getting now. So that's sort of a take in education.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“With a child who's with healthy band of element will actually be naturally curious. They'll want to know about history. They'll be keen to absorb the skills of algebra. They'll want to know how to use a computer, and they'll want to know how to write properly. Okay, they'll want to do that spontaneously because mastery and learning, these are human hungers, they're human needs. In other words, the most important job of the schools is not to cram the kids full of information.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, again, like I said about educators, if educators, well, here's the thing. If you look at how does the human brain develop, I quote an article from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child that appeared in a journal Pediatrics, official journal of the American Pediatric Academy in 2012, February. The article said that the human brain develops through a complex process that begins before birth and continues into adulthood. Now that means A, we take care of the emotional needs of pregnant women. Number two, if it contingent of adulthood, then the job of the schools, if they understand it right, is not to teach kids what year. The Battle of Osterlitz took place, or the Battle of Battle of Water Or Any of that stuff. The most important job of the schools is to promote healthy brain development.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And if they understood how important it is that they take care of their own emotional needs so that a child doesn't have to take responsibility, like perhaps you did, for the parent stresses Parents understood all that, and if society actually understood how important parenting was and it supported parents who needed the support to be there for their kids. Wouldn't be financially. Costly would save us a lot of money, not to mention we'd have a lot more happier kids who don't need to be on medications.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, well, his parents actually understood, first of all, The first three years are everything. That if they get the template right in the first three years, they can hardly set a foot wrong afterwards. But on the other hand, if we're not present for a kids emotionally, if we don't understand them, if we don't see them, if we don't attune to their emotional states, we're going to hurt them. And if they understood what the needs of children are, when I mentioned some of them for play, for... Experience of all emotions for Unconditional loving attachment for the child being able to rest from having to work to make the relationship work so the child doesn't have to be good or nice or beautiful or successful. They just have to be. If parents just understood that.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And healed, if we understood that, instead of just exposing them to harsh punishments, we actually treated them like human beings who may have done things that are unacceptable. But that came from traumas they couldn't have helped and that they can be helped back to healthy functioning, as we know from lots of experience. Just that little trauma information would change society. So that's what I can offer as a physician.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Site in this book, and if they understood how trauma affects kids' capacity to learn, to pay attention, and to behave in functional ways, the Daily Telegraph Here in London not that long ago was bemoaning the fact that kids aren't caned anymore in schools. I mean, what they were moaning about is that we no longer traumatize kids quite as harshly as we used to. That's all it does, caning. So if teachers understood that the behaviors on the part of children are actually manifestations of emotional dynamics, of frustration and needs not being met, and very often of trauma, that would change the educational system. If the legal system understood it. That most people facing the criminal justice system are actually traumatized people. They could actually be rehabilitated.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just if we introduced the concept of trauma into healthcare, like the average doctor, again, strange to say, doesn't hear a single lecture in their medical training about the impact of trauma on physical or mental health, which is astonishing, given that it was a British psychologist, Dr. Richard Benthall, who pointed out not that many years ago that the evidence linking what we call mental illness and childhood adversity is about as strong as the evidence linking smoking and lung cancer. And the average physician doesn't hear a word about that. It's astonishing. Education, teachers, if they understood child development, brain development, the developmental factors that children need that I”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, how about we go back to this word awareness? People just have to get that this is how it is. And in the last chapter, I don't lay out a political program. I don't see that as my role to do that. I have my own political ideas and preferences, but I don't want to impose them on the reader. But I do say, first of all, we have to lose our illusions. That this normality is actually healthy or natural. You have to just Cognizant that what we consider to be normal is actually bad for us. Number one, number two.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“By any number of parameters, if I look at how Racism still affects the lives of so many people. And not just affects it in an emotional sense, but actually physiologically, you know. Daniel, this is a toxic society and those measures are getting worse and not getting better. And inequality is getting worse here in the UK and elsewhere. So, yeah, I think it's getting more toxic.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What measures shall we use? You know, if we use the measure of the number of kids being medicated, A number of adults having chronic illness or immune disease, number of students, university students, Being depressed, contemplating suicide, number of children in the United States killing themselves Number of people on medications of all kinds, the degree of safety that people have in society, the rancor or peace that characterizes political discourse in this world, Intolerable fact that eight people in the world, I think, own as much as the bottom half? The bottom 3.5 billion If I look at all those things, By those measures, if you look at what's happening to the environment, if I look at the fact that the people who are the worst polluters in the environment also happen to be the most successful people by a certain measure of success.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Sometimes I forget something or I lose something, or even if I'm listening to a symphony and I can't keep my attention on it, okay, so I can't.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Degree, but not in a way that anyway blights my life. Like one thing I can purely be sure that when I go on a speaking trip, I'm going to lose something. I'm going to lose my... My portable electrical tooth cleaner, or I'm gonna, in this case, I left my rain jacket in Budapest when I came here on, you can take it for granted that my attention will just not notice something that I haven't packed yet. That's okay. I'm going back to Budapest next week, so I'll get to get my rain jacket back. But sometimes it's the cost of being me. So what? So no, not in every way. But that's not the point. Nobody's life has to be perfect. It just has to be a life that I want to live and I can enjoy living. That I have, you know. So who cares if?”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's a kind of a confusion. ADHD simply means that the hyperactivity is present. So you can have ADD with or without hyperactivity. So, the actual proper way to divide it is A, D. And in brackets HD, so that's indicating that the hyperactivity may or may not be there.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Taking care of your body? Are you exercising? Are you eating well? Do you get out there in nature? Nature is some kind of harmony to it, which actually calms the mind. So are you doing all these things? If you're not, all you're doing is medicating a symptom. If you are taking the medication specifically to help you focus, but you're working on these other issues, You love a much full life, and you may find you don't need the medication after a while.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'd have to talk to your friend. Those are good questions to ask. When I took medication, it made me a much more efficient workaholic. It did nothing for my workholism. It just made me much better at it because I could stay up later now and I was more focused. I could get even more things done. You got to deal with these other issues I did. Did I deal with them? Yes. I have. There's so much more, like dealing with the trauma. I'm telling you, if your friends got ADHD, I can tell you he had distressed early for years and her parents were stressed. So deal with that. Deal with what conditions are you creating now in your life that create more stress for you?”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You might want to give it a break every weekend if you don't, you know, you might want to use it when you're having to work or having to deconcentrate, but it's up to you if it helps you function. Take it. But go to work on the traumas and stresses that are driving your ADHD going back to your childhood. I may say in my book on ADHD, Scattered Minds, does outline some ways to do that. You might find that you don't need the medication so much anymore or not at all, perhaps. Number one, number two, even if you do, your life will be so much fuller and so much more less stressed if you deal with the underlying factors than if you simply medicate the symptom.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, yeah, I've taken medication myself, radhd, and it helped me focus, it helped me write my first book. I didn't take it for this one. As a matter of fact, more recently, when I was beginning to write the medication, I thought maybe I would take a bit of stimulant like I used to, and just to see if it helps me write the book better, all it did is give me side effects. My brain has changed. I don't need it anymore. So I would say to your friend, if the medication is helping you right now and it's not causing you side effects, Nothing against it”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I say, well, if in the short term the child wants the medication to function better and no child should be forced to take medication, and medication are never the final answer, that the very most they're a stop gap. There's no proof whatsoever that medications help anybody heal from ADHD. They simply suppress symptoms, which may be helpful in the short term, but for God's sakes, go to work on the long-term development of that child. And what does that mean? create the conditions in which healthy development takes place. That child will do very, very well. If you think the problem is a disease, they're just going to medicate away the symptoms of.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I used to, when I worked as a physician, I would certainly prescribe medications sometimes. It's a question of who's prescribing it and with what intention. If I understand that the real problem in this child is not that there's anything intrinsically wrong with the child, but that they were developed in a stressed environment, and those stresses are still acting on them. And one of the stresses is the parents don't understand the kid's behaviors, and they tend to react rather harshly. Then if I can help the parent understand the sensitive nature of their child, which also means that when positive changes occur in the environment, the kid will be very responsive to that as well. If the parents can create a positive accepting, understanding atmosphere in the home, and work on known stresses so they don't unconsciously pass them on to their kids, that kid will change very quickly.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, Mormons are diagnosed partly because in men, the symptom of hyperactivity seems to be there more often. So when a kid is sitting in school and the cancer still, that's obvious. The teacher will notice it. The girl who's kind of dreamy and tunes out kind of fades away at the back of the class, she doesn't create any problems. So that's one of the reasons. But also funny to say, but young boys, infant boys are more sensitive to environmental pressure than girls are. Some strange reason. So they're more likely to be affected by these factors.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, look, if you look at the United States at least, poor kids and kids of so-called color are emotionally likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. No, why would that be the case? Because they're leaving me so much more stress.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They didn't inherit anything in terms of a disease. They're just reacting to the environment. So if we're diagnosing more and more kids these days, I think it's because the parenting environment has become much more stressed.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, if there's a lot of stress in a child's life, and what I'm saying is in this society that more and more parents are stressed, not because they don't love their kids, not because they're not doing their very utmost to provide for them, but because they're more stressed through all kinds of social, political economic reasons. And if you look at inflation in Britain, which is a high risk right now, more people are going to be stressed financially. Financial stress on the parents translates into physiological stress in the children Those children may want to tune out because there's too much to be in the present. Some of them will be diagnosed with ADHD.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's simply a defense. So the more sensitive you are, The stress in the environment, the more you're going to feel the stress, the more you're going to need to escape from it by tuning out. So he didn't inherit DHD, you inherited a sensitivity that makes it more likely under stressful circumstances that you revert to tuning out. When your brain is developing, which by the way is an organ that develops physiologically on the impact of the emotional environment.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Something is being passed on, but it's not any kind of condition that's being passed on. What's being passed on is sensitivity. And the more sensitive you are, the more you're going to feel whatever is going on in the environment. So you take the same sensitive kid with these genes that confer greater sensitivity on them, and sensitive means to feel from the Latin word to feel sincere. The more sensitive you are, the more you're going to feel. The more you feel, the more bad stuff happens, the more pain you're going to be in, and the more compensating you're going to have to do. At the same time, with those same genes, if you treat it well and you grow up in a healthy environment, you just be creative and happy and joyful and a leader and an artist or a shaman or a very creative C or whatever you're going to be. So the genes don't determine. They make you more sensitive to their environment. No, if you go back to what I said about the tuning.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Very rare, those kind of diseases. No, there are some genes that the more them you have, The more likely ought to have any number of mental health diagnoses ADHD depression, anxiety, even psychosis, bipolar illness. But there's no group of genes or set of genes or gene that themselves determine anyone condition. As a matter of fact, you can have those same genes and not have any condition whatsoever.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But either way, the fact is that many more children are being diagnosed and medicated for this condition, particularly in the US, but also increasingly here in the UK as well, and in China and elsewhere. Now, as I said earlier, the fact is, here's the actual reality. Nobody's ever found a gene for ADHD. Nobody's ever found a gene that says, if you have this gene, you're going to have ADHD. No such gene has ever been found. No group of genes has ever been found that says if you're going to have this gene, you're going to have this condition, nor ever will be. And no such gene or group of genes have ever been found that if you don't have these genes, you will not have the condition. Now, there are some diseases that are genetic. One runs in my family, muscular dystrophy. If you have the gene, you're going to have the disease. My mother had it, my aunt had it. That's a genetic condition. And if you have the gene, you'll have the disease.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Anybody interested in the subject might do what I think Johan actually did is to read my book on idh. It's called Scattered Minds. And I was diagnosed within my 50s and so were a couple of my kids. But I never bought into the idea that this is a genetic disease or that it's a disease at all, genetic or otherwise. Now, as for the rising number of people being diagnosed with it, there could be two reasons at least. One is we're better diagnosis. So before we wouldn't have noticed it, but now we are, or genuinely there's more people who are having trouble in certain ways, such as with attention and impulse control and so on.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But if I may, I would say that neither of those are particularly desirable. But it's the distinction that I made before between being driven and being called. Because if you called, if I call you Stephen, would you come and have dinner with me? You can say yes. You can say no. I just gave you a call, and you can say, literally, I'm talking about a call, a telephone call. You can say yes, you can say no”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, is the positive deuteroism or is it due to your capacity to work hard? They're not the same Your capacity to work hard to achieve a certain goal is simply a gift that you have and something that maybe takes some discipline and application on your part. That's not workholism. That's just A strong positive work ethic the recallism when you're driven to work you actually don't need to.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Revaluate really what it should mean, or maybe more accurately devalue because you say what has been the actual value. This belief that I'm not worth it, what has been the actual value of it in my life, or this tendency of mine to be a workaholic? What has been the actual value? Oh, it made me tired. It made me alienated. Or it keeps me depressed or it keeps me hopelessly trying to prove something which I can never prove to myself anyway through external activity. So you actually look at what is actually impact on your life. What has been his real value?”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You're also proving that you don't have to spend all your time subjected to those beliefs. You can take a hiatus from it, at least for a while.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To consider all the ways that people have acknowledged your benign presence in their lives, the times that people have told you that they've loved you or that you told somebody else just for five minutes, hang out with that. Five minutes later, if you want to go back to this belief that, or if you can't help going back to this belief that you're not worth it, well, that's okay, but at least create some space. It's all about creating space between yourself and these beliefs or these behaviors.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So refocus is just to give yourself some space. So if you ever say I need to go to work, okay, refocus me as well for five minutes. Maybe in five minutes I'll go to work, but for five minutes I won't. I'm going to put on some piece of music or go for a walk or meditate or whatever. So you refocused. You put the intention somewhere else just so that to prove to yourself that you actually have some agency over your brain. If only for five minutes, if you have this belief that I'm not worth it. You can go back to it in five minutes if you want, just for five minutes, though, consider all the ways that you made a contribution.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, so Let's say you have the belief that you're not worth it. It's not true that I'm not worth it. I just have a belief that I'm not worth it. It may not be true that I'm not worth it, but I do have a belief that I'm not worth it. Reattribute means this is an old brain circuit sending me an old message. It's got nothing to do with reality. It has to do with some experience that I had a long time ago. That's the reattribute. You just say, where is it actually coming from? There's a circuit in your brain that's wired with the message. You're not worth it. And it's going to keep repeating that message. Well, you say, okay, that's where it's coming from.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mentioned that in the book, but I find it a very helpful technique, but it was developed for people with obstetric compulsive tendencies. So the relabel is not that I have to wash my hand 100 times. I just have a belief that I have to wash my hand 100 times. That's the context image it was devolved. I think it works for all kinds of dynamics.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, it would taste something like your workload. I need to go to work. I need to do this work. I don't need to do this work, I just have a belief that I need to do this work. So that rebuilding just takes a degree of separation from the behavior. And actually, it's true. It's not that you need to do all the stories. You have this belief. So relay building just says it for what it is. By the way, I have to acknowledge that these five R's only one on his mind. I stole the other four from a psychiatrist.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, it also works. Four I don't know what to say. You know what? I'm denigrating my work if I say it's a trick. No, it's just something, just the way things occur to me. That's all it is”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, yeah, exactly. So agency means actually I take responsibility not for what happened to me. Not even how I interpreted the world as a result going backwards, but how I interpret the world from now on. Do I still want to interpret the world and my role in it based on some decision I made when I was a one-year-old? That's where agency comes in. Agency also means that if I have Any kind of dysfunction or illness, it's not just that I put my hands in the hands of my fate in the hands of a physician or a healer, but I make the decisions. I listen to your advice. I accept some, I don't accept some, but I'm the one who's making the decisions along with what seems right to me.”
2022-11-07 · The Diary of a CEO · Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT