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Jason Portnoy

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2022-06-15
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2022-06-15
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  1. “You know, I think I would like to thank Anne-Marie for being such an amazing life partner and for allowing me to go through what I went through and for holding that space. And then for encouraging me with this book writing process and supporting me through that, she's just been amazing and incredible. So thank you.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  2. “Well, I mean, aside from potentially trying to find someone who can be a trusted third-party intermediary that can kind of help you. Hold space for each other. I mean, my other recommendation is That my healing, again, it's hard to generalize, my healing started when I finally started to reveal my secrets and the I feel like the sooner, the better. Yeah, the sooner the better. Try to find someone who can help you through it. Try to hold space for each other and try to grow that way, you know, in love.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  3. “It doesn't mean it would work for everyone. The way it unfolded for us was that we had this third party intermediary, neutral third party intermediary, who told us at the very beginning, I think we did have a joint session fairly early in our coaching. And she said Never going to pick sides. Don't really care if you guys get divorced or stay together. I just want to help you both become well and healthy and whole individuals. Because if you're healthy and whole and well, if you decide to get divorced, it'll be fine. You won't need tons of lawyers. It'll just get divorced. And if you decide to stay together, it would be beautiful. So it'll be beautiful either way. I think it's good to have an intermediary to help you through something like that because It helps. I think it can help”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  4. “Because you're in a relationship for a reason. The universe has brought you two together for a reason. You're supposed to be learning things from each other. And so help each other in that learning. Don't just say you did the wrong thing. I'm out. Because guess what? Both of you are going to go on to repeat the same things. Until you learn the lesson. So, why not just stick with each other a little bit longer? I understand that there are some relationships that maybe shouldn't proceed, like especially if there's abuse or something like that. That's very serious. But I do think in our modern society, there is a tendency to pull the ripcord pretty early.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  5. “We were in this phase where marriage is all about love, but his feeling was that The future, what will define a successful marriage is mutual commitment to each other's spiritual growth. And so when you're in that relationship, if you can take yourself out of it for a moment and say, we are two souls moving through this lifetime together and we're both learning lessons, what are these lessons? How can we learn from each other? How can we help each other? Then when the person reveals a secret that might be hurtful to you, you might be able to absorb it a little bit instead of immediately getting angry or immediately taking it personally. And absorbing it is another way of saying holding that space, right? You might be able to hold that space for that other person. And that is a gift. And that is intimacy. And that is what it means to work together in a relationship.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  6. “Yeah, this actually fits in with a question you asked earlier that I didn't really get to, which is like the healing process and how do you trust someone again? And I think there's several different sides of it. One side is when you're looking at that other person, maybe don't necessarily see them as that person in that moment, but see them as a soul that's on a journey through this life that is learning lessons and trying to figure out what those lessons are and trying to learn them. So Gary Zukov says this in Seed of the Soul, that in the old days marriages were based on like maybe political affiliation or maybe survival necessity in the very earliest days. And then it was like alliances and political stuff. And then it was love.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  7. “I would not trade it for anything. I know I went through this really weird thing into the dark, the porn stuff, the sex stuff. But man, it taught me so much.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  8. “It was such a gift. And most of the time I just sat there, but like I probably made the spreadsheet or printed the things out on the printer or helped him prepare for the meeting. And then he would say, well, you can come with me. And I would go in and I would sit and I would listen. And I learned so much about how he had those conversations with people, sometimes difficult conversations, you know, the subtlety, the art of the softer side of business when he was interacting with the investment banks. He would invite me to listen in on those phone calls or attend some of those meetings. And man, I learned so much.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  9. “This cell based on certain assumptions And then you can do sensitivity analysis and things like that. And so it went from being this esoteric concept to really tangible and really powerful. The other thing that he did for me that I still thank him for to this day was he brought me along to so many meetings that he was attending”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  10. “Well, in school, when we learned about financial modeling, it was More equation based, as it almost sounds silly when I say that, but when I got to PayPal, Roloff had built a very detailed financial model in Excel that really turns out to be like a very sophisticated accounting tabulation of everything that's happening in the business, which you can then use to forecast what's going to happen based on if you tweak.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  11. “Oh, yeah. So it's not a fluke. He has been exceptional his entire life. I mean, I didn't know when he was younger before PayPal. We actually, funny enough, we overlapped at one of those classes at Stanford one time. So when we met each other at PayPal, I was like, oh, I recognize you. You know, I saw you in class. But he was an amazing boss, an amazing mentor. And for what PayPal needed at that time, an incredible CFO because one of the biggest issues PayPal had was from And he brought that to bear at PayPal. And it was, I mean, priceless contribution. He was amazing. And he's just a great human.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  12. “Or it's just innate to them, but there's something about the energy they carry that when they walk in the room, it inspires confidence. And I think that's, and so, but again, these things are different for different companies at different stages. If I had to pick an amazing CFO, I would pick my boss when I was at PayPal. And I'm not just saying that, you know, to be obsequious. He was amazing. His name's Roloff Botha.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  13. “Sorry, CFO. CFO. The CFO of a company that's building airplanes or something else is different than the skill set of someone in financial services. Some degree. So I have coached a lot of financial leaders from managers up to C-level. And the way I explain this to them, because you meet a lot of VPs in all different roles, VP of marketing or VP of finance, and they all think they, well, they want to be the C level. So I'm the VP of finance. I want to be the CFO. I'm the VP of marketing. I want to be the CMO. What separates the VP from the C level? In my opinion, the shorthand I give them is that the C stands for confidence. And it's not necessarily that the CFO knows more about the technical accounting or the technical financial analysis or the treasury function or whatever is happening. But there's something about the energy that they carry, whether that comes from experience.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  14. “Yeah, so it's not a one size fits all thing Right. So different companies need different things. So the CFO of Boeing is probably a much different skill set than the CEO of PayPal.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  15. “He was in the chemical engineering department at University of Colorado. As I again mentioned earlier, in chemical engineering, you have thermodynamic stuff. You have a lot of calculus differential equations, like things that start to use some of the more obscure features and functions in Excel And he always insisted that we learn that stuff.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  16. “And so, anyway, I started doing some stuff in Excel, tracking metrics, basically, because there was this daily report that would come out of the system and I would start keeping track of it every day and then sending around graphs to everyone. And I was just good with Excel. And that kind of launched my career at PayPal. So I have a lot of gratitude for Professor Clough and I owe him a lot.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  17. “Hiring on general capacity. So they saw something in me and said, we don't know exactly what he's going to do, but just get him in here. And so I went in, and the first day I was like, what should I do? And the controller, the accounting controller and the finance team was like, well, something about a general ledger. And I was like, what's a general ledger? And she looked at me like, you've got to be kidding me. Like, what are you?”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  18. “So when I got to PayPal, yeah, I was a finance major. You know, I had been a chemical engineering major, and then I was in this kind of quasi-finance business graduate degree program. Like I said earlier, the focus was not on hiring necessarily a specific skill set.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  19. “Feel like my kids, I often get asked when I tell people I'm kind of phasing out of being a venture capitalist like, well, what are you going to do? You're going to get bored. I'm like, no, I have two kids. And helping launch two humans into the world is actually a huge responsibility. Like, I don't think we all appreciate sometimes how big of a responsibility that is. And investing in them and investing in their relationship, my relationships with them has been the best investment in addition to the coaching work, like those things. That's how someone asked me recently, like, how do you define success for yourself? It's like those relationships, that's it.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  20. “Absolutely. It's hard to give these in order because they're tied for first place, I would say. Perfect. I've paid a lot of money for life coaching work. Know over 10 years. It has been worth every penny, it has been worth so much more. That was an investment in myself that has been priceless. And so to anyone out there who wants to talk to a therapist or a life coach or something and who uses, if you can afford it, but you're kind of choosing not to afford it because you're worried about the cost, or you don't want to spend the money on it. I would rethink that because that work made me a more successful financial investor. And so all of that has come back to me, you know, if you just want to use the dollars, it's come back to me. But as far as what it's done for my relationships with my wife and my children, that's priceless. And so that's a good segue. The second one is I have invested a lot of time over the last seven years in my relationship with my wife and with my kids. In fact,”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  21. “John Bradshaw, amazing book. And by the way, I read these books more than once. Like some of these I've read four or five times because I'll read them once a year, come back to them. Those are three that really stand out as having been really impactful. Another one, really just the sexaholics anonymous, the 12-step program literature, which is all the same, by the way, for every 12-step program. So I wound up reading the blue book of alcoholics anonymous. And that was amazing.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  22. “Yeah, absolutely. Very embarrassed, upset with myself, ashamed. And there's a book called Healing the Shame that Binds You”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  23. “Love Warrior, the one I talked about earlier by Glendon Doyle. Glendon The power of now by Eckhart That book changed my life, blew my mind If you're going to read that book take it slow in my opinion I can't tell you how many people I've met where they're talking to me about some issue or problem in their life and I'm like you should read the power of now and they're like oh I read it and I'm like no you didn't you need to read it again because if you really You wouldn't be saying what you're saying right now. There's a book into that an 18 maybe really trying to let go of the shame that I carried because even after I was healing myself, I still had a lot of shame for a long time. I was very embarrassed about the things that I had done.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  24. “There are so many questions over the last. You said, what are the last seven years been like? And after those big boulders and caves, there's more subtle stuff, but it's still there. There's still work. And there's so many times I'd ask Amaria a question, should I do this or should I do that? You know, it's maybe it's a business question. It could be related to whatever usually a business question. And her response would be, just keep climbing. And I'd be so frustrated and annoyed. Be like a choice here. And then I would be like, no, no, no, just keep climbing. The answer will reveal itself. Just keep climbing.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  25. “This idea of climbing our spiritual mountain. Just become so fundamental to our life climbing your mountain or don't stop climbing. Maybe keep climbing your mountain or just keep climbing. That might be the.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  26. “That is a match for where you are now. Or if there's a gap there for a little while and you change and then there's a new relationship that starts based on the new person that you are.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  27. “I think so. I think these things just fade. And I feel like, you know, a lot of people are resistant to this. You really did, in my opinion, you hit the nail on the head. This is the one that people are the most resistant to. They pride themselves on, I've been friends with this person since kindergarten. It's like a badge of honor. But people change. And maybe it does make sense to be friends with someone from first grade, but maybe it doesn't. Maybe by keeping yourself locked in that orbit, you're not allowing yourself to change or that person's not changing. And so when you let go of these things, it doesn't have to be mean. It can still be beautiful. But it also opens up space for a new relationship to enter.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  28. “Yeah, I think so. I mean, you could take the other approach, which is, hey, when we spend time together, I don't really feel good afterwards. That feels like a tall order. I don't have the guts to do that. Okay, God. All right.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  29. “Okay I think for me that the signal is a great quote from May Angelou. I'm probably going to get it wrong, but it's something like this. People will forget what you say. And if there's someone in your life, co-worker, friend, family member, whatever, where every time you interacted with that person, you kind of leave the interaction, not feeling good. That's your body's intelligence. That's what, when I say when I embody my body more, I want to listen to those signals. For sure. Because the more I've done that, by the way, The better I feel like I perform in like a board meeting or with an entrepreneur because I'm picking up on much subtler signals if my mind is quieter and I'm picking that stuff up.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  30. “You know, probably subtract, subtract, subtract, simplify, simplify, simplify. Every day I feel like I just am waking up saying, what do I not need to be doing anymore? What shouldn't I be doing anymore? Is there a relationship that's not serving me anymore”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  31. “Yeah, because then it's like, well, I know I need to keep climbing my mountain, but I'm not exactly sure what direction to go. So then you just put one foot in front of the other for a while and then something pops up that's not good or not serving you or you don't like. And then you say, oh, okay, there's an entry point. And so sometimes those are a gift.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  32. “No, no, it's a good question. I still have a tendency to be in my head more than I would like. I would like to embody my body more than I do, but it does not come easily for me. And I have to work at it. I think partly related to that, I probably have a tendency to make myself busy sometimes as opposed to just having a little bit more stillness in my life. And so I think to me, all that means is those are actually good things in my opinion because those are entry points for the work. I feel like the most difficult times of this kind of inward work and journey have been the times where I didn't really feel like I had a good entry point.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  33. “And saying if it's that hard, maybe it's not the right thing to do. And yes, move in the direction of the thing that's coming easier because the first version is like kind of a controlling version. It's like I know what the answer is supposed to be and I have to manifest that answer. Whereas the second version is more of a surrender approach and saying I don't know what the answer is going to be. I'm going to move in this direction. And that has served me well”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  34. “Maybe I need to do something different. And so maybe I need to let go of that thing. And then I did. And then I decided I was going to write a book. And now this book thing is taking me in a completely new direction that's very fun, very exciting, very engaging. And I'm so thankful. And I think that came from letting go of that thing and kind of surrendering and saying, I need to listen to this sign.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  35. “Like efforting the shit out of it in my venture capital work. I mean, we have two funds. I tried so hard with my business partner to raise our second fund. And we came in way short of our target. And I was just working so hard and putting so much effort into that. And then after it didn't happen, after it didn't manifest. And I know there's a school of thought out there that's like, well, that means you didn't work hard enough. And you just need to work harder next time and so on and so forth. But I kind of took it as a sign of like maybe this just isn't the right thing for me.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  36. “It is a lifetime journey There's no end to reach. And so I would say the way I've described it is in the early part, it was like we like to use the metaphor climbing our spiritual mountain. So I'm climbing my mountain and there's like giant boulders blocking my path that I can't get past. And the only way to get past them is to crawl through some dark cave where there's something really scary in there and I'm scared. And so in the early part of the climb, it was like that. Once you get past those kinds of parts, it gets a lot more subtle. There is a whole phase after all of this stuff where I feel like every three or four or maybe six months, something else would happen where the answer for me was like, you need to surrender even more.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  37. “It's everywhere. And I say this in the afterword of the book. I say my story was a story about getting lost in this porn thing and sex addiction and things like that and then finding myself starting to heal and then finding myself there's some intermediate steps as well that you mentioned earlier there's like the pain and then there's the self-medicating to avoid the pain and then there's the kind of redemption and self-discovery that can happen afterwards And I feel like that's a universal story. I feel like so many people have that story. And that's one of the reasons I wanted to share it.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  38. “I know for other young men it's different things who grow up in different areas. But for me, it was money cars and women and I should have challenged that assumption. I should not have just blindly followed that because that didn't make me happy. And then I think the last group that I feel like this could potentially help our couples because Anne-Marie and I went through some very, very difficult things, but we used those difficult experiences as opportunities to grow, to learn about ourselves, to heal ourselves, to grow as individuals, and then to grow as a couple. And I feel like if this could inspire a couple out there to get more honest with each other and hold some space for each other to not be perfect and to that you can make a mistake in a committed relationship and it doesn't have to mean the end of a relationship.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  39. “Maybe they're locked in some kind of shame cycle. Maybe they have been chasing after the things that society told them to chase after, and they got those things and then realized they were miserable. And then when that happens, it's very disorienting. As I said earlier, and can be very scary, and they could be in a very dark place. And I hope that for them, this is a beacon of hope that says, hey, I'm not perfect either. It's okay. None of us are perfect. There's a way out that you can change. And if you look inside and go on that inward journey, you can heal and you can find your way out of this place. I think there's a secondary group, which is young men. I hope that this can be a little bit of a cautionary tale of what not to do. I just kind of blindly followed this thing that society was telling me, I thought society was telling me money cars and women.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  40. “So much of this stuff is going on, it's below the surface, and I think if we talk about it with less shame and less judgment, it could be really healthy for all of us. That's not exactly why I wrote it. There are a group of people out there, men and women, who are hurting.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  41. “I feel like we should be talking about these things more. That's not why I did it, but as I'm experiencing the process of putting this book out into the world, it is amazing. I was sitting next to someone on a plane, this woman on a plane. It was a plane taking off from LA, so everyone's in the entertainment business. And she's like, oh, is that a manuscript? Yeah, it's mine. I wrote a book and I'm reading it. What's it about? And I'm thinking, well, here we go. Here we go. You know, I'm going to have to start telling people soon. And so I tell her. And then she starts opening up to me about things that have happened in her life and with her family. And it was like.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  42. “I think it is hurting young women. I think it's just bad just all around. And I think masturbation is fine, but I think anything with porn is not good.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  43. “I think masturbation is kind of a normal thing. And probably, yeah, I don't have any specific issues with that. What I do think is very bad is porn. In any amount, at any time, I think that zero is the right amount. I think it is toxic. I think it is hurting our young men.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  44. “No But when that happens, I get curious about it. What's going on in my life? Usually there's something that's happening that maybe I'm in resistance to. Maybe there's something I'm afraid of. But these things kind of operating somewhat subconsciously that I'm not really aware of. And this becomes the canary in the coal mine that tells me something's not right. And that becomes an entry point into my work. And so I don't want to have filters or rules or anything like that. My belief as it relates to these kinds of things is if it's calling me, there's a deeper reason. And if I just avoid it. then I'll never really understand what that deeper reason is.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  45. “It's been a long time since it's come knocking. I would be lying if I said it has never, that it never came knocking again. I would say probably on average once or twice a year. Something happens. But when that happens”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  46. “And then I don't remember what happened, but I got kind of called back to it. But this time I was really open about it with both Melissa and Ann Marie said, hey, it's interesting thing happen. I wanted to look at porn again. And so that was interesting. And in my conversations with Melissa, it was like, this thing is here to teach you something. If you're going to engage with it, you need to get curious. How am I feeling? when this is calling me how am i feeling when it's happening how do i feel afterwards and as i started to get more curious about it that's essentially like turning the lights on It's not fun when the lights are on.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  47. “Nothing technology related, so I don't have special filters on my phone or anything like that. So I went, so 2015, this whole thing blew open. I moved back in kind of midyear, let's say August, late summer. I went two full years without looking at porn at all. I didn't even think of it. I think one day I woke up, I was like, oh my gosh, it's been six months since I looked at porn. Well, actually, in the very dark first period, it was hard. But anyway, at some point, it was like, it just disappeared. It was off the radar. And I didn't have special filters on my phone. I just never went into it.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  48. “Yeah, and to your point about healing wounds, Anne-Marie has said this, and I thought it was kind of a lovely way to put it and an interesting way to put it, that yes, time heals those wounds, but you still have scars. We still know what happened, and it's all been part of our journey, and we appreciate everything that our journey has taught us. But those things still happen, and they were still painful.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  49. “Ongoing, oh, yeah, when I started way back in 2000. When I started working with Melissa, Anne-Marie started working with her around the same time, and we both still talked to her on a weekly basis. So during that time, we had a lot of joint sessions during this time in early 2015. And then by August of 2015, we came back together. So I was only on retreat. It seems like a short amount of time. It was four. four and a half months, but it was really intense and it felt like a very long time. And we both changed a lot during that time, me a lot more than Anne-Marie. And we came back together. have been together ever since and it's been beautiful.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  50. “Unfamiliar and uncomfortable. And so we read that book and it really changed the way we thought about everything that was happening. And she started to understand this as well. But she was also, she also got very clear with her boundaries. Like you need to fix this. You need to climb out of this. I understand you're on a journey. I understand you have work to do. But if I ever feel like you're not working. and you're not taking this seriously, then we'll get divorced. It was that clear. And I was like, yes, ma'am. I am going to do this. And I really wanted to get well. I didn't want to lose her and I didn't want to lose my daughter.”

    2022-06-15 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT