YouSaid · the spoken record

Jessica Lahey

lines on the record: 116
first: 2021-12-09
most recent: 2021-12-09
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“You know what my dream is? My dream. What's your dream is to open a recovery high school. If you ever get a chance, watch a show on MTV. It was only like four episodes called 16 and in recovery. And it was based on a school on the North Shore of Massachusetts Recovery High School. So a school for kids who are struggling with their sobriety and addiction issues. But we need one in Burlington, Vermont. And one of the things I would really like to do is open one someday. So that's something that's out there as a thing. So maybe you could come be a ninth grade teacher and teach kids in recovery.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You and by the way. Would be a fantastic ninth grade teacher because you're curious. And that's what makes you a great interviewer, what also is what would make you a great ninth grade teacher.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I also feel a huge debt of gratitude by the way. I need to thank in the addiction inoculation this guy Brian and this woman Georgia play huge parts in those books and they told me all of the horrifying joyful scary parts of their stories. And then as I said gave me their real names to use because they said both of them said this in various iterations These experiences were so horrifying. I mean, Georgia lost a child and was homeless and was in prison. And these experiences are only worth something if we learn something from them. And if their stories can help someone else, then they were going to be worth it. And so I owe so much to Brian and Georgia for sharing their stories for this book.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I think this year has been, you know, this past year and a half, I had to try to release a book during a pandemic. And I'm very lucky that I get to release a book, but I had to release a book during a pandemic. And especially on a topic that's really scary. I mean, talking about failure in kids, talking about addiction in kids is really, really scary. And I just want to reassure parents that avoiding these conversations is not how they get better. And they don't go away just because we avoid having them. And so I promise if you do choose to pick up either one of my books, I come at this stuff from a place of compassion and love. I do not want anyone to feel any shame. But for our kids benefit, I hope that people consider thinking about whether it's picking up one of my books or picking up Peggy Ornstein's books, Girls and Sex and Boys and Sex and thinking about how we actually have these conversations that scare us because they're really important conversations to have. And they don't just go away when we avoid them.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's cool. It's her. It was just the 20th anniversary, obviously, of her death, but she is. She's the reason that I make my life my argument. Honestly, she's one of the main reasons I do that, because that's what she did.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm sorry to hear about that. It's not one of the brass ones, though. It's actually, I think, one of the steel ones. If it was a brass one, I would have already returned it.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Who had mental health issues and just needed help and didn't know where else to get it. And so that's where that comes from for her There's one thing I am embarrassed about up here, there's a ring up here, there's a carousel on Martha's Vineyard in Edgar Town. And as you go around, you grab and you know the saying of grabbing the brass ring. There's a brass ring. And if you win, if you get that, then you win something. My dad took a long time ago, took a couple of the rings from that carousel and has felt guilty about it his entire life and returned them all to sent them in an envelope back to Edgertown, back to the carousel, back to the town, actually, I think, except for this one he found when they moved. And so at some point, I'm going to have to take it. I want to take it in person to Edgar Town to return it.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Was my best friend Mary Moore Parham, and she died by suicide in 1999. And the scholarship fund at Santa, the reason my entire salary goes 100% into a scholarship fund for young people is because of her. It's named for her. She worked with people who needed”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This is a cherry pie. Duh, obviously, obviously. Someone gave me this. That's Power Girl because someone said I remind them of PowerGirl. And I'm like, well, that's badass. So she needs to be up there. When I first started writing for The New York Times, there was no budget for our art. So we used to have to make pictures if you go back to my earliest columns at the New York Times. The pictures are with literary action figures, playmobile figures, and LEGO figures for the most part. And so a bunch of my literary figures are up here because they're from my New York Times articles. My kids Harry Potter wands are on here because when people ask me questions about parenting, my answer is often, you know, I wish I had a magic wand to wave to say, you know, let me just fix that for you, but I can't. This picture right here behind me, this is my law school graduation. And this.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Background a question or a kid asked my husband a question and the answer was absolutely not. I just thought it was funny. And so I put it up there. I'm not a sentimental person. And so the fact that I have a wall full of things that mean something to me, these are the things that mean a lot to me. And it's because, and I have to tip it slightly this way so you can see there's a picture right here. And this is my father's office when I was little. He was an industrial designer and he had like a 20 foot high wall in his office that had just stuff from all over the world that he had collected that people had given him things that meant a lot to him. And when I was little, I said someday when I have an office, I want a wall like that. I want important things on my wall. And this, these are the important things on my wall.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's the Heraclitus quote. You could not step twice into the same rivers for other waters or ever flowing onto you. And it just helps me remember that no matter what I screw up, no matter how I screw up, no matter what that there are different waters tomorrow, I mean, it comes back to this, you know, if I screw up my recovery, if someone else screws up their recovery, if my kid screws up tomorrow ever, you know, new waters are going to be flowing over us. And so it's going to be really important for us to walk into those waters from a place of newness and acceptance and learning. Those are my two.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I actually there behind me. One of them is behind me and it says, hold on, let me grab it. Okay. One is from a researcher named Larry Steinberg, Lawrence Steinberg. He wrote a book called Age of Opportunity about adolescence. And this one is Protect When You Must, but permit when you can. And that's my parenting mantra. But then this is when I was teaching 10th grade of one of my students wrote this quote on a piece of paper because she thought I might like it. She was correct. She's now a mother of two and anyway.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know that signage, even if you look at like, you know, fast food restaurants, signage is incredibly tightly regulated here. It cannot be ugly. So it's awfully nice.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This is the thing that I would put on the billboard is essentially what I do as a teacher, as a writer, as someone who works with kids and adults in recovery. And that's just the question, did you make someone feel seen or heard today? Our job. I mean, I think as human beings, there's no more important thing we do is make someone else feel seen or heard, especially when it's most needed.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Things number one not two answers two things number one did you know that billboards are not allowed in Vermont so it is really striking the minute you leave Vermont if I take the ferry over to Plattsburgh from Burlington Oh my god, billboards are ugly. They are so ugly. They're horrifying.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Also, listen to another YouTube producer called Polyphonic. I don't actually know his real name. Polyphonic and Adam Nely, but Adam Neely is really cool. He's a bass player. He went to Berkeley School of Music. His videos are fascinating because they take one concept and explain how that concept makes music special as it is. And he's just, he's really cool. He's really fascinating to watch.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so we pulled some funds and we flew to Washington, D.C. just to watch Sungazer Play, this person that we'd been watching, someone that my son really admired. He plays jazz EDM. So like jazz, but also electronic, not my bag. But we've been learning about it for the past 18 months. And so I could appreciate it. I could understand what Adam was doing, what the musicians were doing with their music. And more than anything else, my kid knows that I respect him enough. To put myself out there for things that are important to him, that investment has been one of the most important things. My older son is an economist. Do I want to learn about economics? No. I do not want to learn about economics, but letting him teach me about economic theory has been one of the best investments of my time and effort I could ever give.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“His name is Adam Neely, N-E-L-Y. He is just watch a couple of his videos. In fact, even if I'm going to say this and you're going to not believe me, he has won on, and this is going to, most of it is like really academic stuff, but he does one and his mom happens to be in it too because she's a voice teacher. Her name is Kate on this one song that Celine Dion sings and why this one key change is at the heart of what makes people feel in music. First of all, I'm like Celine Dion, no, thank you, but I watch this with my son. I was wrapped. And Adam Neally has a band called Sungazer. And, you know, as you well know, no music has been live for the past. People just haven't been doing live music for the past year and a half. And so I found out that Sun Gazer was going back on a very sort of limited tour run just to get in front of a few audience.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That led to him going on speaking trips with me and finding all of the Crystal stores we could find within a 100 mile radius. Or now he produced, my younger son produces digital music. The music he produces is not music that I would ever listen to on my own But asking him to teach me about how you use FL Studio, how you're using those serum patches that you're putting into your thing. And then we started watching YouTube videos. We watched this guy named Adam Neely who does music theory videos on YouTube. He is fan tastic. So we watch his name.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I mean, they're the easy answers to this, which is, you know, if my kids want to buy a book, they can always buy the book. Or, you know, I'm fortunate enough that we can do that. But what I've come to realize in the past couple years that investing in the things that my kids are interested in investing personally in the things that my kids are interested in, whether or not they actually interest me has been an incredible learning experience. So even stuff that like for a while there, my kid, when he was little or my younger kid, he was really into crystals. And I think it came out of crystal skulls and aliens and stuff, but then it morphed into just crystals generally and like healing crystals. My husband is a physician, an infectious diseases physician and a medical ethicist. I'm an academic too, you know.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just this past weekend, I was really, I really loved Jody P. Colt's book, The Book of Two Ways. It took me to Egypt and it took me to Accademia and it took me to all these places and I'm, you know, clearing brush and there is no greater delight than that, I think, to be transported.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, yeah. If someone can just carry me along in the story and I just want to find, I'll stick with a lot. I will be fairly quick to give something up if I feel like it's a waste of my time because there's just too many good books out there to read. A good thriller where there's some clunky dialogue or there's some clunky descriptive language. If there's a really, really good plot going, I'll stick with it. And plus, I do a lot of my listening since my head injury. I have a few lasting things that from that my time reading on a screen or a page is somewhat limited. So I reserve that for work and I listen to most of my sort of recreational stuff. And also I can't sit still. I'm really hyper. So it allows me to listen to something and do something at the same time. So I can be like clearing brush in the woods and listening to an amazing book that has me off in another world. And I was just listening to.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think it's been really important for me, especially when I was writing Gift of Failure and I was having a crisis of confidence. It was really important for me to go out there and look at these books that are on the shelf that are crap. And I know I can do better than that. And that also pushes me to put the best work I can put out there because I can do better than this. And this book got published. How did that book get published? And my editor is saying that my book is unpublishable. I can do better than this.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think it's really, really important to have people like that that you look at and you either say, as, and actually Stephen King talks about this in on writing, you either look at that and you go, ah, I could never be that good. I mean, how does that person even do this? How do they make me feel these things? And that can be aspirational. But again, I also, as he says in his book, I think it's important also to read bad books because for someone who especially because”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know prose poetry memoir no, but it totally worked and it was great and Darren's use of space, this does require that you have an editor who can get on that sort of place with you. But I also have authors that I need as an expert voice. I talk about this on the podcast that I host is that I'm big into dissecting other people's work to figure out what works and what doesn't. And sometimes I as especially when I'm first searching for my expert voice, I will keep copies of books on my desk that are written by people who are not afraid to tell the truth, not afraid of people coming after them, not afraid of being the expert. And when I'm feeling weak on a given writing day, I'll pick those books up and read them so that I can feel strong.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There was a chapter where it was like two or three lines and then empty space for a page and then the back of a page and then it's, and it was just little things that make me think, oh, it doesn't always have to look the same. You know, Julie used, they allowed her to use an interesting and different font that. Freaked me out at first and then realized, oh no, wait, this is perfect.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Half a life by Darren St Yeah. And he did some really cool things narratively and with empty space in that book. And you say, well, what do you mean with empty space in that book? And he allowed for. Room because he had, you know, it was about the fact that he hit and killed a girl when she was riding her bicycle and he was in a car when he was 17. And so half a life is about that. And there needed to be empty space in the book because there was empty space. And anyway, so I looked to people like that. I also have authors that I look to as my”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Half a life. It came out a long time ago, like, I don't know, 15 years ago. And it came out and it has a lot of empty space in the book because it has to because that's part of the plan.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Her second book was a book called Real American. And I expected Julie to write a straight up memoir. And I was super excited because I'm like, I'm all in, tell me, Julie, I'll read anything you write. And she wrote it in the most Some of it was like it was like prose poetry, and it was she taught me to be brave with that book. So now every once in a while when I'm writing something, I think, oh, just think about real American. Think about what Julie did there. A, her publisher let her do it because it was so good. they had to admit that she was doing And be brave And don't think, oh, you know, my editor is just not going to go for this because it's different. And there was another book actually called Half a Life by Dare. Oh, shoot. This is why you should never mention books until you're positive. You have the author in their head.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There was a woman that named Julie Lithcott Hames. She has a great TED talk about her book. Her first book, which is called How to Raise an Adult. Tricky Things About Julie Lithcott Haymes' little backstory is that Julie and I wrote basically the same books at the same time. Mine was supposed to come out first, and hers was supposed to come out second, and then I had my head injury, and it flip flopped. Julie and I also shared a student I taught a girl in high school who went on to Stanford, and Julie was the freshman dean at Stanford. And so we were introduced through our student. Julie and I decided early on that the worst thing we could do was compete with each other and the best thing we could do was be each other's biggest cheerleader, that people who can afford one book can probably afford two. And so that's been our MO ever since.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because people tend to take a long time to get to the point. And then it's really clearly and beautifully elucidated in their, you know, articulated in their the end. So I work with a group called the op-ed project, which is helping elevate diverse voices to getting people to own their expertise and write op-eds because, you know, a while ago we figured out that op-eds were being written by white men. So how can we get other voices in there? And that's almost always the first piece of advice I give my mentees at the op-ed project, which is look at your last paragraph, move it up to the top, and just see, I bet you your piece works better.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Statement, statement that said Actually, the word that is an Achilles heel for me. If you look through your document or whatever it is you're writing, you could probably remove 95% of the word that. Just try the sentence without the word. The other big thing that I learned as a journalist that I learned from my editor, and it's one of the smartest things I've ever heard. And I now use the give other people this advice all the time, is if you're writing like an op-ed piece or a short essay, your last paragraph is probably your better first paragraph”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, just checking for adverbs and clearing out the adverbs, checking for dumb things that I tend to use in my language that don't need to be there”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Scrivener lets you as a word frequency counter and you can look to see what words you're using too much. And actually, there's a fantastic book that came out last year called Dreyer's English. And Benjamin Dreyer gives people, I think it's right at the beginning of the book, asks people to excise these particular phrases from their language and you can search on those phrases. I actually occasionally will do an audit of the language I'm using in a book just to see what words am I using a lot. Just give me the word frequency. If Scrivener will give you the word frequency for every single word you've used in an entire document, you can find out if you're using the word particularly and if you are, then if you've used it 462 times, maybe you need to reduce that. And the other cool thing is, you know, Stephen King talks about this, is reduction of adverbs. And I don't write, I am writing fiction, but I haven't released any fiction, and that's been a really helpful tool for me as well.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Quote, you are not an organized thinker. And I knew this, like I've always been a seat in my pants in 1200 words, you can go blah, blah, blah and make it all come together, but you can't do that with 70 to 90,000 words. It's just too, it's unwieldy. Certain tools have really helped me also, by the way, when it comes to things like the particularly thing. I use Scrivener to write, and Scrivener will let you.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And call yourself on it. So if I'm going to use the word addiction on the front of my book, and I, as a journalist, am not supposed to be using the word addiction in my book, I better explain why I'm using the word addiction, which I do. I get very specific rather than run from or hope no one will notice address it and put it out there. And, you know, that makes things a lot easier for you over the long run”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You can't say the same words over and over and over again. So you have to come up with other ways to say those things and just keep track of what you're doing. Make everything look the same over a whole book.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Don't know how a kid's brain develops that you're always going by the same organizational schemata or whatever that thing is. Just be organized and stick with if you're going to call something, and this was tough actually in my last book, we're supposed to be using the term substance use disorder, not addiction, not substance abuse.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You're going to write a book like the two books that I've written Is about parenting kids from preschool to college. Make sure that everything is organized in the same way. So if you set up an organizational scheme for your book, whether it's by age range, whether it's by grade, then replicate that over and over and over. It's helped me become a lot more organized in my writing. And, you know, it's really simple stuff that I used to teach my students. Like if your topic paragraph says you're going to address points one, two, three, and four, you don't address points three, four, two, and one. You go in the order that you said you were going to address them. And so come up with your own sort of style guide for your, it's not really a style guide, your own organizational guide for your book. And then make sure that every single time you talk about whether it's scripts for helping kids get out of tough conversations or whether it's”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It gets really specific. I used to like the word particularly, and that's a stupid, don't use that word. Also, if you're ever going to record your own audiobook, really don't use the word particularly because it's a really hard word to say. For your audience, they might be kind of boring things. They're about organization. They're like”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's not that I'm a great writer. It's that I was humble enough to say, teach me how to be better. I will take it to heart and I will be able to be objective about it and I will use it and I won't make these same mistakes again. So when I handed in not only gift of failure, but then the next book, I was able to show my editor that I learned from my mistakes. She referred to me in a recent email as a dream author because I learned from my mistakes.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And those two chapters turned into four, which turned into six, which turned into the whole book No Ghost Writer, which turned into a New York Times bestselling book. That's not the best part of the story. The best part of the story for me was that when she bought my second book, I turned that book in on time. My agent was a little nervous because she knew I'd been a lot to handle the first time, right? My editors having to like line edit an entire book. I'm a ton of work, but I had run my second book through the what not to do again to do list filter. And the book was so clean that she wanted to move up my publication date.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Said, give me two chapters, give me a probationary two chapters, and tell me everything I did wrong and what you want this to look like. And I filled a notebook. I sat in her office for, I was in there for over an hour listening to how bad I was, to how much I stank as a writer, essentially. Luckily, as she was also lovely and she said things like, this happens with a lot of journalists. She used to writing in short bursts. And so you end up writing this very fragmented large thing that doesn't hold together as a whole. And your writing is fine. It's your organization that sucks. And that's what you need help with. So she gave me those two chapters. And I went home and I read over a notebooks full of how badly I suck as a writer. And I digested it and I turned it into essentially a checklist of what not to do again.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, yeah, that's not good. And my editor is like, I just idolized her. She's like a grandme in publishing. She's amazing. So this wasn't going to be good. And I went and what she said was this. Oh, God. It still makes me want to throw up. She said this book is unpublishable. She said, and then she said the worst part, that wasn't the worst part. What she said was, we need to think about bringing in a ghost. Now, a ghost means a ghost writer. I am a professional writer and she wants to bring in a writer to help me write my book. So, I didn't throw up. I was actually very proud of myself for that. But I said, look, and I didn't cry, which was also a huge thing. I said, before we do that, I needed some extra time anyway because of the head injury that really got in my way for a while. So we had some extra time to play with.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Syndrome that was really depression and stuff. And then I got a call from my editor. Actually, I got an email from my editor asking me to come to New York for a talk.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's not recovery related. It has to do with my writing. But so I wrote the gift failure. It was my first book. I didn't know how to write a book. I mean, like knowing how to write a book is a learned skill, right? So the idea that a journalist who's used to writing 1200 words could suddenly write 70,000 and do it perfectly the first time around. I had it in my head. My fantasy was I would hand my first draft in and my editor would come back to me and she'd say, well, there's no edits here. I mean, this is it. This we could publish early. This is perfect. What happened instead was this. I turned my book in on time on October 31st. And on November 1st, I went on a horseback ride with my husband, my friend of mine has horses that she lets me borrow sometimes. And I was thrown from the horse and I landed on my head and I lost my memory and lost my ability to read for a little while. It was bad. It was really bad. Didn't remember that I'd finished a book the day before, all that sort of stuff. So I had some post-concept.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Think Dax has done a ton for recovery, for being open and out about recovery. And I think everything he has done in terms of being a role model in recovery pales in comparison to what he did in that episode when he admitted to the fact that he had relapsed and he was starting again at day one and that he had seven days and that he was starting over because in an alternate universe, he could have very easily given up. And I think A lot of kids right now, the anxiety we're seeing in a lot of kids is that the world is absolutist and you either suck and you might as well just go off yourself or you're perfect. And we need to help kids see that realizing that tomorrow is a new day and we need to take what we learned from yesterday into tomorrow. I think that's one of the most important things we can do for kids.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To feel because you can't teach them cause and effect if you're saving them from the effect. That's just not how that stuff works. So those are going to be really important. Listen without judgment. Take yourself, get your emotions out of the equation. This is not about you and this is not an absoluteist sort of situation. We can start again tomorrow. And that's been frankly for me that's a really important part of recovery. If I were to screw up tomorrow and I very well could, I don't know, the next day comes and then I start all over again the day after that. And on a tangent, that's why I think Dach Shepherd's episode called Seven Days where he admitted to the fact that he had relapsed after 17 years.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You doing that is just going to make your kid do that, and then neither nobody's listening to each other. A lot of this actually goes back to gift. Helping your kid figure out what was this experience like, what was positive, what was negative, taking what they've learned from this situation and carrying it forward with them to the next time, talking to them about and making sure that they do suffer whatever consequences are. So if the nurse calls and says, your kid is clearly feeling hungover because they drank the night before, you going to pick them up is not going to help the situation. That you saving them from feeling crappy at school. The worst drunk I ever had that my husband knew about, I had to go to school and teach the next day. And I'm so glad I did because it was one of those pieces in that puzzle for me. It was like probably piece 97 was I can't teach and be hungover was a really important lesson for me to learn. And I feel like crap and I still have to manage school is a really important thing for you to expose your kid to. Same thing with like if your kid decides to go nocturnal and not sleep, make them go to school. They have to.”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The first most important thing is this is not about you. Number one parent. This is not about you. This is not your failure as a parent. This is not about you. So just take a deep breath and just sort of chill about that for just a second. Number two, whether it's a kid who starts having sex or a kid who gets drunk for the first time, this is not an all or nothing sort of thing. It's not like my kid is ruined because they've gone over this black and white border that culture has set up for them. So it's going to be really, really important for your kid to know that they have not transgressed to the point of no return. You've not lost faith in them. You're not, you know, you have to listen from a place without judgment, especially early on, because the kid is going to feel like definitely like that they've failed you and all this other stuff. And you want to avoid going to a place of really high emotion because”
2021-12-09 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #553: Jessica Lahey on Parenting, Desirable Difficulties, The Gift of Failure, Self-Efficacy, and The Addiction Inoculation · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT