YouSaid · the spoken record

Kate Moyle

lines on the record: 96
first: 2021-03-22
most recent: 2021-03-22
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“I mean, and I think, you know, again, it's a bit about life stages, isn't it? You know, what are people looking to explore at different stages? We see, for example, people might go after a cancer diagnosis or cancer treatment or, for example, around menopause or that there are certain health conditions that impact sexuality or, you know, common side effect of a lot of anti-anxiety medications and antidepressants are an impact on sex lives. Or it might be that someone is starting their sexual experiences or they've had a relationship where sex has been a problem and they don't want to carry that on into their next relationship. I think that it's about understanding like what has brought that person to therapy at that time is a big part of, for me as a therapist anyway, kind of exploring what's going on for that person. What's the trigger for dealing with it now?”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Or go and see a physio or go and see a nutritionist or whatever it is. You know, if another part of, if a part of our body wasn't working, we would access help for it without feeling embarrassed, you know, if we injured our knee Wouldn't feel embarrassed about going to ask someone about that, but why when it comes to sex do we feel that we shouldn't access the help? And then the longer we're struggling with that, the more of a problem that becomes because we don't just have the original problem, but how we think and feel about it.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think people recognize that it now can be a solution or that sexual problems aren't just medical, that actually there can be something psychological or emotional going on. And I think that the idea of accessing help for this stuff now has become much more normalized, which is brilliant, I think, you know, and much needed. And there are some amazing, amazing sexual experts and sexual therapists in this country who, you know, I hope really being and I know really being used by people to help them improve this part of their lives. And I think that, again, a part of it is any other aspect of our life, we would go and see a doctor.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Genders, you know, both men and women. I work with both couples and individuals. I have a lot of younger clients. So a lot of my clients are kind of in that sub 45 age bracket. But I work with a lot of people in their kind of early 20s. And I think that early 20s kind of 30s, but also there's a couple of things that are going on. One is that therapy has become less taboo in itself and sex is much less taboo. And we have this kind of corner of therapy, which is psychosexual therapy where”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Might be something physical going on, but you know, there's probably something emotional going on, but it's also about have we learned to... Do this, like, have we learned to kind of experience pleasure enough to take us there? And also, once we do, then we're like, okay, I understand how my body works now. I understand how that feels. And I think for lots, the lack of sex education here is a huge part of the problem. You know, pleasure has historically been left out of the conversation. Particularly female pleasure.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Gets in the way of us being able to fully let go and enjoy ourselves or giving ourselves in therapy we talk a lot about this idea of giving ourselves permission. To be sexual or to let go or to enjoy ourselves or to experience pleasure.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, I think it also goes back to Almost like the first time early messages about this stuff as well, you know, early messages about what it's like to have these experiences, what it's like to be sexual, you know, is it something that's never been talked about? Is it something that's shrouded in shame? Is it something that we think that we shouldn't be doing or we think about ourselves a certain way for doing? And so there's so many components to this as a conversation. Probably too many, you know, longer than we have time for, but there's the idea of how we, again, think about what we're doing, how we know and learn about our bodies, what we know and learn about our bodies, how we discover what works for us and our preferences. So there's the physical element. You know, we talk about an orgasm as a peak pleasure experience. But also how we feel about it. Because if we're feeling shame or embarrassment or that we shouldn't be doing this, that is going to be something which again.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And also, the problem is, I think something you kind of said earlier was So it can be so goal orientated. Now, again, this is where so many people struggle with sex. Because if sex is goal orientated, and as you said, the goal is to orgasm or to ejaculate or to finish, then what happens if that doesn't happen? We feel like we've failed. And so, what it creates then is this goal orientated kind of parcel fail model for sex. Now, the complete irony of that is if we're struggling and we're focused on where we need to get to as a goal. The act of focusing on where we need to get to is actually the thing that is most Able to enjoy it, then that's actually the thing that's probably most likely to get us there. But if we're so distracted by the negative thoughts that are going on in our heads, we're so distracted by our concerns, our worries.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I wanted to feel close to them because I wanted to show them I loved them because the meaning of sex goes so beyond the what of what we're doing but we are so focused on the what all the time and then we get so tangled up in Everything that's kind of psychologically going on for us. And I think that sometimes we're thinking about the why, you know, what does it represent in our relationship if we're in a relationship? What does it represent to us if we're single? What does it represent to us if actually the sexual relationship we have is just with ourselves? You know, I think that Thinking about that is such a big part of us understanding ourselves sexually.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So it's just this understanding of the motivations for why people have sex and there is such a wide breadth of those. And that might be, you know, my favorite one from that study is because I was cold because I wanted to get warm. But we can understand that, you know, it might be because I want an orgasm because my partner looked hot because”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, one of my favorite pieces of research, and anyone who's listened to my podcast or any of the interviews and stuff I know is going to be so bored of hearing me bang on about this, is a paper called Why Humans Have Sex. And it was done in 2007 and it identified 237 reasons for why humans have sex.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Inside world based on what we see from the outside, and actually what we know with sex is that they don't always match up. There's no way of really knowing until we, for example, sit down with a therapist and unpack it or sit down with a friend or a family member or whoever that is, we share, you know, a partner, that conversation with.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Okay, well, the older I get, the more I feel that this is a worry or the more I feel other people will judge me or the more I feel that I won't match up to what's expected of me or that I will get kind of found out. And I think that these anxieties around sex are also because what we assume is sexuality in people. So we kind of assume everyone's sexually active. It goes back to that point about feeling isolated or alone in our experience. Everybody else is doing it. So what's wrong with me? And the problem we have when it comes to sex is we can't know with people until we check it out. We can't know until we're judging someone's.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Dating or seeing people because what it can feel a bit like is if we get on the ladder of for example meeting someone or dating then we get closer towards the source of our anxiety which might be sex and I think that people who haven't had sexual experiences and I suppose bear in mind you're only viewing this from your perspective rather than speaking to the person that you've been speaking to is that It can feel like a snowball effect of something that I talk a lot about in therapy with people that I'm working with is this snowball effect of”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I mean, like, we don't know what's going on for that person, but asexuality is an identity, like people who don't experience sexual attraction. And what that also doesn't mean, so we have asexuality and a romanticism. So those are two different concepts. So what we can see is that people can have successful relationships and be asexual because they can have connection and friendship and intimacy. And we can see that people who can understand that it's not a kind of like pairing necessarily. And something I also talk about is we can have intimacy without sex and sex without intimacy. Now what a group that I've also worked with is lots of people who have such bad sexual anxiety, and this is in no way me saying what's going on for your friend, but that limits them in sexually exploring or taking their sex life to where they want to go.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Talk about is putting your pillows on the other end of your bed so your room feels different lighting candles changing a smell having a shower or not you know”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so I think that idea of changing one thing every time is it's also that routine doesn't kind of help or promote or kind of encourage desire because we're like, oh, I know what's coming. I know how this is going to go. And what we're then doing is we're more likely to kind of let our thoughts wander or be distracted. And we see that with people, you know, they're like, I know it's going to go. So actually, I wasn't really noticing what was happening in my body or that experience. I was thinking about everything I need to do tomorrow. So what it does is it works as a way of encouraging breaking up routine. Now these are small things like having the lights on or having the lights off. Starting with your clothes on or your clothes off, keeping your underwear on or underwear off, using lube or not, you know, taking intercourse off the table for that evening and just focusing on non-penetrative sex, trying a sex toy, or putting even something simple that”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That in itself then becomes a barrier to people trying it because they're like, oh God, that sounds scary. As well. But you know, like that, it's that, God, like, how am I going to do that? There's no stepping stones to that. It's a whole bridge, a whole jump. And that puts people off. So again, we're back to that avoidance thing. Do you know what? I'll just stay in my safe zone. I'll stay in my comfort zone. I'll stay where I am. Like the idea of trying that and it not working or trying that and it failing feels way scarier than where we're at right now.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Suppose what I like about that is it's actionable. So it's this idea that we can all be like empowered and in controlled to do something in our sex lives. And, you know, like one of the phrases we hear kind of all the time is like mixing it up, spicing it up. What I think people get intimidated by is the idea that they have to do something massive to do that, that they have to, you know, go out, buy a whole new wardrobe. Yeah, exactly. Or try something that they've never done before or, you know, buy 25 sex stories or, you know, try everything.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There are, you know, like everything in life, there's going to be huge pros and cons. And like anything in life, it's how people use anything. But I think for me, you know, working with people with sexual problems and relationship problems, isolation or feeling alone in your experience is probably the biggest side effect or negative side effect on mental health or on the problem itself of what they're experiencing, of what they're struggling with. And so combating that, which in a way is where therapy helps. You know, we're kind of sharing that conversation. We know that shame thrives in silence. We're starting to externalize. We're starting to talk about these things. Is making people feel they're not alone is massive”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's such a big question, is it? Again, it's the one that everyone wants to know the answer to. I think that the problem that we've seen is when people have used it as an educational resource, and that's not how it was designed. Now, what it has offered is people who are exploring their sexuality and feel that it doesn't fit, for example, the... Norm or expected norm, you know, however you want, whatever terminology you want to use for that, it's offered those people a sense of community or safety in exploring or belonging or knowing that they're not alone, not isolated in their experience. And so”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I suppose, well, one of the things that a lot of these sites are creating is a focus on kind of female pleasure. In a way, which is that what we know, for example, is that the majority of women or the most common way of bringing women to orgasm is through direct literal stimulation. But for example, in not necessarily porn, but in the movies, we never see that. And so then everyone is going to replicating what they see in the movies and no wonder it's not quite working. So I think that there's also educational elements starting to kind of come forward in a lot of that kind of content as well.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't know the numbers, but we know that women watch porn. We know that there are also a huge rise of female-friendly, female-focused pornography platforms kind of coming. Lot of those ideas again tie into these old stereotypes or narratives about like male sexuality and female sexuality and then you know we're trying to change the conversation around this and I think that it's also about Recognizing that they're not these kind of like two so separate entities and actually that we can understand that we're all sexual creatures or we all have our own versions of sexuality and what that doesn't mean is that it has to again kind of line up with the narratives that have always been there, which is like men do this, women do this.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“One of the best phrases that I heard, and you know, is trying to learn about sex from porn is like learning to drive from watching the fast and the furious. And it's one of the things that I go back to, and I wish I knew who said it. And if you know, please tell me so you can claim it.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Which is part of the problem, right? Because that's one of the most easily accessible visual versions of sex that we have. We don't see into other people's sex lives in the same way. Now, what we do see is social media or pictures of couples or images of couples, and we make assumptions about them. We make assumptions about they look happy, but they have great sex.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That we have to be a bit more conscious of that part of our relationships. Is a huge, huge factor because what the kind of common narrative we see in society, I suppose, is if I have to make an effort for this, then there must be something wrong with that because sex should be spontaneous, should be something that just happens.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I think it's the question everyone wants the answer to. It is about first thing, acknowledging that it might be different to how it used to be. So again, one of the biggest hurdles people can get kind of tripped over on is it's not the same as it used to be, or it changed. Why does that mean it's worse? You know, actually perhaps the quality of the sex that people might be having might be better because they know each other better, they understand each other's bodies better, they feel more in tune with each other. So it's understanding that you might be in a different phase or stage, and that's okay. It doesn't have to be, you know, that famous phrase, the honeymoon period that kind of everybody quotes or goes back to. So I think that is one thing. And I think actually kind of carving out the time and the space and the effort and not seeing that as a bad thing, not seeing that as problematic.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Us, you know, distracting us. So we're missing signals from our partners, we're missing those kind of, I suppose, quality time moments. We're constantly being notified or we're distracted. And actually then it's harder for us to give each other our full attention to kind of sit down and focus on each other, to have the things that promote connection, eye contact, touch. We're constantly kind of looking around and connecting, I suppose, with everyone apart from the person actually that we're in that creates a barrier.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Also, what we see, particularly this is with a relationship focus, is there's this exchange of kind of like novelty, newness, the unknown, exploration for routine, security, safety, getting to know someone. So we kind of see these things switching out almost. And so it's just actually that as we get kind of more used to each other, there are less of those kind of triggering like exciting moments which are where desire can tend to thrive. And what we need to do is perhaps just slightly more consciously or with a bit more of an effort put in the time to create those spaces. Now chuck in, I mean, you know, the year we've found ourselves in where no one's had any kind of personal space or independence or ability to go away and come back together, kind of change of context, but technology, the kind of, well, third and fourth, if there's two people in the relationship wheels that are constantly taking our attention, kind of demanding.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Are novel, are kind of tuning into also the area of our brain that likes the new things, that likes the excitement. And we have that sense of wanting to get closer to that person, wanting to get to know them.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think really common, and I think like so much of the stuff we don't have huge and huge amounts of at least up to date, like sex research. So, you know, it's something that people are really trying to kind of develop in the space. But what we understand when we think about desire. So we've got desire and we've got arousal. So arousal, the body's physical ability to kind of prepare for sex, the desire, the want to be sexual. And what we understand is that it's typically changes across relationships. And what feels really difficult about it is that at the start of relationships, when everything is new and exciting, we're getting to know each other, we're exploring. It feels like desire is very high. We're kind of leaning into that because it's the way of getting to know each other, a way of connecting with that person. And it's kind of what we understand is it's triggered, I suppose, a lot because a lot of the situations we find ourselves in.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What that means about us, or what that means about them, or what it means about our relationship. And so we're always trying to, I suppose, think about like what's going on and the wider context or meaning of that. Now, when it comes to sex, we're already in a culture and a society where it's a bit taboo, where it's quite stigmatized, where We don't necessarily want to kind of step outside the norms or the expectations because what does that mean about us as a person?”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Sometimes one part, you know, what I would say is it's actually more common for couples to not be perfectly sexually matched. Than it is for them to be like perfectly sexually matched in every way. And for some people, they are more ready to try something or, you know, they might be the one that leads something and then the other partner kind of catches up or it's really about also kind of like how we perceive what our partner is suggesting or how we think that means because one of the things about sex is We have this idea as humans about metacognition, we think about our thoughts, we think about what that our thoughts mean. And I think it's really, really apparent.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think it is, and the way it's possible to be incompatible with anything else. But what we can also do is, you know, when we have different interests or different preferences in other areas of our lives, we can work together to negotiate that, to manage that, to kind of work to each other's kind of preferences and kind of switch that around or manage that, manage that kind of relational bit, that kind of bit in between. And it is possible to do that with sex, but also for some people, they might have deal breakers and they might not be able to meet those for each other.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I think that's definitely a fair assumption. I think that it takes the courage to do it. It takes the kind of sitting in the uncomfortable. It might be quite anxiety barroking. Obviously, some people kind of seek out therapy or external advice for someone that can help them manage those conversations. Or they might do it in their own way. So it might be kind of reading a book and sharing that with each other or listening to a TED talk and then sharing that with each other and using that as a springboard to have that conversation. I would say it's talking about it outside of the bedroom is the biggest way to put it on the table.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So it's about thinking about how do we help people to approach that source of anxiety or feel empowered to change their conversation around sex? Because it's really hard. It's like talking in a language that we've not been taught. You know, we're not taught how to have these conversations. We're not taught to be comfortable about these conversations. We're not taught that sex is normalized as a topic. And then we're expected to all be experts. and that our partners are going to be experts and we're all expecting that from each other. And then when it doesn't work, you know, we have no solutions or ways of knowing how to deal with it. Now, some of us muddled through. We kind of work it out. We're like, okay, well, let's try this. We'll think about this. We'll take expert advice. We'll listen to a podcast or read a book or get the information and we can kind of work our way through it. But for a lot of us, that's way too intimidating.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I would say sometimes the hardest person to talk to about sex is the person we're having it with. Because of it's so loaded, it's so intimate, it's so vulnerable, and also the fear of getting it wrong or making it worse or leading our partners on or it going in the wrong direction or us not being able to unhear what we've heard or unsay what we've said. So actually, you know, that natural human response to feeling anxiety around something is avoidance. You know, we don't tend to approach the sources of our anxiety unless we're trying really hard to hone in on it or focus on it. On most natural instinct is, I don't want to go there. Like it's just easier to keep the status quo, even if that status quo isn't working.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Assumption kind of and the gap between expectations and reality is actually the biggest place that we have a lot of these problems and I think that it feels like that's a good example of that happening.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think, you know, I can't talk to what was going on for you two, like kind of in that moment then. But, you know, the biggest problem that couples in situations like that have is assumption. So as you said, like this is the kick in the tooth for me, like that hurts. I feel rejected. So we internalize. And actually the best way for us to deal with something like that is to try and explain, to try and move away from assumption to explanation, to understanding because Actually, if we can have a conversation which opens up, and you know, you hear sex next relationship experts talk about communication being, you know, the kind of biggest pillar of sexual wellness or sexual well-being.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Here rather than if I reframe my understanding, my thinking about this, it makes a lot more sense. And it takes the pressure off. Pleasure focused, enjoyable way rather than an anxiety provoking and stressful way.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And you know, we understand that this is a huge part of the conversation around sex lives at the moment and sexual wellness at the moment is this idea about desire. Desire is not a fixed concept that we're born with. We're not kind of given or holding a set amount. It's not like we kind of have an amount and we like use it up. It is context dependent. It's responsive. And we understand that it changes, but actually how we can change that within kind of take power of our own, I suppose, or change that within the context that we're in, how we can feel in control of that is based in almost how we define it or how we understand it ourselves. And there's a huge problem with just thinking, okay, well, I had it. Now I don't have it in the same way anymore. So what's wrong with me or what's broken or what changed or what's not working?”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I mean, I think there's just a normalizing of the fact that our sex lives and our relationships are in the context of us. They're not isolated. They're not protected. They don't have their own kind of special area where they aren't impacted by how we feel about ourselves, stress, anxiety, our health, our mental health, physically what's going on for us, psychologically what's going on for us. Why don't we just give ourselves a break and be like, do you know what? We're not perfect or good or great at everything else we do all the time. So why would we be here? I don't think, you know, I think as professionals we often talk about like, why aren't we applying the logic that we apply everywhere else in our lives? This part of our lives.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah. And relationships as well. We kind of expect that, you know, once they're good, they're always good, that they shouldn't falter, that we shouldn't have to work at them, that they shouldn't struggle. And I think that there's such a problem with that as a basic foundation message around sex and relationships.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is this idea that sex like everything else across our lives has good days, bad days, average days, variability, but we expect there to be this constant and we expect it to be protected from everything else that we have going on in our lives? And that just isn't the case.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We just don't know how we're meant to address them. We don't know what we're meant to do about them. And we all feel that sense of what am I doing wrong here or what's wrong with me? Do I have a problem? Am I broken? You know, all of these phrases and actually working with all of the information that you've just given me, you know, as an example, we can kind of target or work with each of those problems in an individual way which isn't terrifying for people, which doesn't create more anxiety, which doesn't damage self-esteem, but we don't have those conversations in a bigger, more normalizing way. And I think one of the biggest things that I talk about.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, I think, and you know, so much of what you've just said, there's so many points there that, you know, I hear all the time. So difficulties with desire, struggles with communication, struggles with knowing where to start in terms of talking about it, anxiety, you know, all of these points, which can kind of get in the bedroom with us or be in bed with us.”
2021-03-22 · The Diary of a CEO · World Leading Sex Therapist - How To Avoid Having Bad Sex - Kate Moyle · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT