YouSaid · the spoken record

Lisa Feldman Barrett

lines on the record: 164
first: 2020-11-20
most recent: 2020-11-20
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Right. And so you can think about You know, I mean, sedimentary rock is the way typically people describe it. The way I sometimes like to think about it is thinking about the cerebral cortex like icing on an already baked cake. Where the cake is your inner beast, these boiling, roiling instincts and emotions that have to be contained. By the cortex, and it's just, it's a fiction, it's a myth. It's a myth that you can trace all the way back to stories about morality in ancient Greece. But what you can do is look at the scientific record and say, well, there are other stories that you could tell about brain evolution and the context in which brains evolved. When you look at creatures who don't have brains and you look at creatures who do, what's the difference?”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Been seriously challenged, I would say, by modern evolutionary biology. And so, you know, thinking is something that rationality is something that humans, at least in the West, really prize as a great human achievement. And so the idea that the most common evolutionary story is that brains evolved in sedimentary rock with a layer for instincts. That's your lizard brain and a layer on top of that for emotions. That's your limbic system, limbic meaning border. So it borders the parts that are for instincts.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“For a very long time, the assumption was that evolution worked in a progressive upward scale, that you start off with simple organisms and those organisms get more complex and more complex and more complex. Now, obviously, that's true in some really general way, right? That life started off as single-cell organisms and, you know, things got more complex. The idea that brains evolved in some upward trajectory from simple brains in simple animals to complex brains, in complex animals is called a phylogenetic scale. And that phylogenetic scale is embedded in a lot of evolutionary thinking, including Darwin's, actually.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Sure, you know, the big caveat here is that we don't really know why brains evolved. The big why questions are called teleological questions. And in general, scientists should avoid those questions because we don't know really the why. However,”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What I learned for how emotions are made really stood me in good stead for this book. So there was a little bit. Each essay was a little bit of learning. A couple were was a little more than a small amount. But I didn't have so much trouble here. I had a lot of trouble with the first book. But still even here, you know, he would tell me that I could take something out and I really wanted to keep it. I think we only use the signs once.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Speaks for the people, and I'd be like, No, you have to. And so he made, you know, after one terrible argument that we had where it was really starting to affect our relationship because we were so mad at each other all the time, he made these little signs, writing and science. And we only use them. This was like. When you pulled out a sign, that's it, like the other person just wins and you have to stop fighting about it. That's it And so we just did that. And we didn't really have to use it too much for this book because this book was in some ways, you know, I didn't have to learn a lot of new things for this book. I had to learn some, but a lot of”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Anyway, so But here we had some really rip-roaring arguments, like really rip-roaring arguments where he would say, who is this for? Is this for the 1%? And I'd be like 1% meaning not wealth, but like civilians versus academics. Are these for the scientists or for the is this for the civilians, right?”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Don't really know. It's just that we're very, I think it's that spatially, I use egocentric space, so I want to say, you know, turn left, like I always, I'm reasoning in relation to like my own physical corporeal body. So, you know, you walk to the church and you turn left and you, then, you know, whatever. You know, I'm always like, and his, you know, he gives directions allocentrically, which means organized around north, south, east, west.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, now he knows more, obviously. But so, you know, he was really when how emotions were made, you know, he was really, really helpful to me because the first draft of every chapter was me talking to him about what I would talk out loud about what I wanted to say and the order in which I wanted to say it. And then I would write it. And then he would read it and tell me all the bits that could be excised. And sometimes we would, you know, I should say, I mean, we don't, he and I don't really argue about much except directions in the car. Like if we're going to have an argument, that's going to be where it's going to happen.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, he is of the two of us, he is the better writer. He's a masterful writer. He's a PhD in computer science. He's a software engineer, but he's also really good at organization of knowledge. So here, a company he used to work for, he built one of the first knowledge management systems. And he now works at Google where he does engineering education. Like he's, he understands how to tell a good story just about anything, really. He's got impeccable timing. He's really funny. And luckily for me, he knows very little about psychology or neuroscience.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I wrote it so that people could read it. I love reading on the beach. I love reading essays on the beach. I read it. I wrote it so people could read it on the beach or in the bathtub or, you know, a subway stop.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Anyway, so I decided it would be a really good challenge for me to try to write something really brief where I could Focus on one or two really fascinating tidbits of neuroscience, connect it to connect each one to something philosophical or just a question about human nature. Do it in a really brief format without violating the validity of the science. That was a, I just set myself what I thought of as a really, really big challenge, in part because it was an incredibly hard thing for me to do in the first book.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, but it's so interesting to learn about all of these little stories in the In the wrapping of the history of like male. That's really interesting. And so I read these essays and then I wrote to her a little fangirl email This was many years ago. And I said, I just loved this book. And how did you learn to write essays like this? And she gave me a reading list of essays that I should read, like writers. And so I read them all.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“They're called familiar essays. So the topics are like everyday topics, like male, coffee, chocolate. I mean, just like, and what she does is she weaves her own experience. It's a little bit like these conversations that you're so good at curating, actually. You're weaving together history and philosophy and science and also personal reflections. And a little bit you feel like It's really, they're really compelling to me.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“50,000 words or something, and I had to cut it down to like 110. So obviously I struggle with what to leave out. You know, brevity is not my strong suit. I'm always telling people that it's a warning. So that's why this book was, you know, I'd always been really fascinated with essays. I love reading essays. And after reading a small set of essays by Anne Fadiman called At Large and At Small, which I just loved these little essays.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I've written or participated in writing over 200 papers, peer-reviewed papers. So I'm pretty good with detail. Knowing what to leave out, knowing what to leave out and not harming the validity of the story, that is a tricky, tricky thing. It was tricky when I wrote how emotions are made, but that's a standard popular science book, so it's 300 something pages. And then, you know, it has like a thousand endnotes. And then each of the endnotes is attached to a web note, which is also long. So, I mean, you know, it's. And it starts, and I mean the final draft, I wrote three drafts of that book, actually, and the final draft, and then I had to cut by a third, I mean, or, I mean, it was like”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But it is the exploration and the foraging for information is incredibly fun for me anyways. I found it really enjoyable. And if I wasn't also running a lab at the same time and trying to keep my family going, you know, it would have been the whole The most important thing I think I learned is also the hardest thing, and that for me, which is Knowing what to leave out. A really good storyteller knows what to leave out. In academic writing, you shouldn't leave anything out. All the details should be there. And”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The thing I learned if you think that it's going to take you a year to write your book, it's going to take you three years to write your book. That's the first thing I learned is that No matter how organized you are, it's always going to take way longer than what you think. In part because very few people make an outline and then just stick to it, you know, some of the topics really take on a life of their own and to some extent you want to let them You want to let them have their voice, you know. You want to follow leads until you feel satisfied that you've dealt with the topic appropriately. But that part is actually fun. It's not fun to feel like you're constantly behind the eight ball in terms of time”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's what I mean about romance is really it's not all about chocolates and flowers and you know whatever I mean those are all nice too but”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I have a time to the second so that I can get up as late as possible, work out as long as possible, you know, just and make it into my office like a minute before my first meeting. And so if it snows unexpectedly or something, I'm screwed because now that's an added, you know, an added 10 or 15 minutes and I'm going to be late. Anyways, you know, it's just these little tiny things that he's a really easygoing guy and he doesn't look like somebody who pays attention to detail. He doesn't fuss about detail, but he definitely pays attention to detail. And it is very, very romantic in the sense that he You know, he loves me despite my little details.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The most romantic thing. It was the most pro-antic thing because he understood who I was and he did something very, or, you know, just the casual, like we moved into a house that we went from having a two-car garage to a one-car garage. And I said, okay, you know, I'm from Canada. I'm not bothered by snow. Well, I mean, I'm a little bothered by snow, but he's very bothered by snow. So I'm like, okay, you can park your car in the garage. It's fine. Every day when it snows, he goes out and cleans my car. Every day. I never asked him to do it. He just does it because he knows that I'm cutting it really close in the morning, you know, when we all used to go to work.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Exactly. Exactly. That was the most romantic gift he could have given me because he knows me so well. He has a deep understanding of me, which is that I will sit and suffer and complain. About the fact that I have to plug and unplug things and I will bitch and moan until the cows come home, but it would never occur to me to go buy a bloody six-way plug. Whereas for him, he bought it, he plugged it in, he arranged, he taped up all my wires, he made it like really usable. And for me, that was...”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Maybe, maybe. But I also think it might be an age thing or maybe an experience thing. So I think. We all, I mean, if you're exposed to Western culture at all, you are exposed to the sort of idealized stereotypic, romantic exchange. And what does it mean to be romantic? And so here's a test. Let me see how to phrase it. Okay, so not really a test, but this tells you something about your own ideas about romance. For Valentine's Day one year, my husband bought me a six-way plug. Is that romantic or not romantic?”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I wasn't using it as a way to get out of something. And he could tell me, no, he could decline and say, no, you're using this to get out of something. But I could call timeout whenever I want and say, what are you doing right now? Like, what do you, here's what I'm experiencing. What are you trying to do? Like I wanted to use my own experience to interrogate. What the process was. And that made it. More helpful in a way. Do you know what I mean? So Yeah, I don't think learning how something works makes it less magical, actually, but that's just me, I guess. I don't know. Would you?”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What is it? And what is that? And so to me, that's not backing away from the moment. That's like expanding the moment. It's like, That's incredibly cool. You know, when I was, I'll just say that when I was in graduate school, I also Was in therapy because it's almost a given that you're going to be in therapy yourself if you're going to become a therapist. And I had a deal, you know, with my therapist, which was that I could call time out at any moment that I wanted to, as long as I was being responsible about it.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, and or you know, something like when you make eye contact with someone directly, sometimes, you know, you feel something, right?”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know they're kind of like lumps. That's, you know, until they can, you know, interact with you, but they are anything but lumps. I mean, like, you know, so and part of the. All I can say is I have deep affection now for tiny little babies in a way that I didn't really before because of the, I'm just so curious.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, for sure. I mean, I guess what I would say, though, is that. For me, part of the magic is the process. So I remember a day there was while I was working on this book of essays. I was in New York. I can't remember why I was in New York, but I was in New York for something, and I was in Central Park, and I was looking at all the people with their babies, and I was thinking Each one of these is a tiny little brain. That's wiring itself right now. And I just, I felt in that moment I was like, I am never going to look at an infant in the same way ever again. And so to me, I mean, honestly, before I started learning about brain development, I thought babies were cute, but not that interesting until they could interact with you and do things. Of course, my own infant, I thought, was extraordinarily interesting.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“For sure. I mean, I'll say, you know, I had the advantage of training as a therapist, which meant for five years I was under a fucking microscope You know, when I was training as a therapist, it was hour for hour supervision, which meant if you were in a room with a client for an hour, you had an hour with a supervisor. So that supervisor was behind the mirror for your session, and then you went and had an hour of discussion about what you said, what you didn't say, learning to use your own feelings and thoughts as a tool to probe the mind of the client and so on. And so you can't help but learn a lot about yourself in that process.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And so, you know, you don't want to get tied up in that, tangled up in that. And I think from the get-go, Dan and I were just, for whatever reason, maybe it's because we both have been divorced already. And, you know, He told me who he thought he was, and he was pretty accurate as far as pretty much, actually. I mean, there's very...”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I'm a pretty upfront person. I mean, I will, though, say that in my experience, people don't lie to you about who they are. They lie to themselves in your presence.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To ignore the prediction error? Well, I think that there's some research that might say that, but that's not My experience, I guess. But there is some research that says, I mean, there's some research that says you have to have an optimal margin of illusion, which means that you put a positive spin on smaller things, but you don't ignore the bigger things, right? And I think without being judgmental at all, when someone says to me, you know, you're not who I thought you were. I mean, nobody said that to me in a really long time, but certainly when I was younger, that was, you know, you're not who I thought you were. My reaction to that was, well, whose fault is that?”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“For all the wonderful characteristics they have, it's harder, I think, to love someone despite their faults or maybe even the faults that they see aren't really faults at all to you. They're actually something really special.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“No, I don't think so actually. I mean, to some extent, sure, you always, you know, there's research to show that people who are in love always see the best in each other and they, you know, when there's a negative interpretation or positive interpretation, you know, they choose the positive ones. There's a little bit of positive illusion there, you know, going on. That's what the research shows. But I think... I think that when you find somebody who not just appreciates Your fault, but loves you for them, actually, you know, like. That's So, you have to be honest enough about what you're What is your faults? So it's easy to love someone for all the things that they”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You're using your past to. Make predictions and, I mean, not deliberately, that's how your brain is wired. That's what it does. And so it's filling in all of the gaps that you, you know, there are lots of gaps of information that you don't, you know, information you don't have. And so your brain is filling those in.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oh, I definitely think you can connect with someone in an instance. And I definitely think you can say, oh, there's something there. And I'm really clicking with that person romantically, but also just with friends. It's possible to do that. You recognize a mind that's... Like yours, or that's compatible with yours, there are ways that you feel like you're being understood or that you understand something about this person, or maybe you see something in this person that you find really compelling or intriguing. But I think, you know, your brain is predictive organ, right? You're using your past.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Calm and whatever. Yeah. And I also do find beauty in starkness sometimes. Like, so there's this grand majestic scene of, you know, this very powerful ocean. And it's all these like beautiful blue grays. And it's just. It's just stunning. And so we were sitting on this huge rock in Maine where we'd gone for the weekend. It was freezing cold. And I honestly can't remember what he said or what I said, but I definitely remember having this feeling of, I absolutely want to stay with this person. And I don't know what my life will be like if I'm not with this person. Like I need to be with this person.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You know, I think, but I think that was one moment where we were talking about just. You know, not just all the great aspirations you have or all the things, but also things you don't like about yourself, things that you're worried about, things that you're scared of. And then I think that was sort of solidified the relationship. And then there was one weekend where we went to Maine in the winter, which I mean, I really love the beach always. In the winter, particularly.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“This can't really be happening, but it sort of feels like it is. And he was like, I know what you mean. And so for the first three months or four months, we would say things to each other like, I feel like I'm in love with you. You know, but that can't, but things don't really work like that. But, you know, so, and then it became a joke. Like, I feel like I'm in love with you. And then eventually.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“We were having these conversations actually from the really from the second weekend we were together. So he flew back the next weekend to state college because it was my birthday. It was my 30th birthday. My friends were throwing me a party. And we went hiking and we hiked up some mountain and we were sitting on a cliff over this overlook and talking to each other. And I was thinking, and I actually said to him, like, I haven't really known you very long, but I feel like I'm falling in love with you, which can't possibly be happening. I must be projecting. But it certainly feels that way, right? Like, I don't believe in love at first sight.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The whole weekend together, and you met all my friends, and we had a big party. And at the end of the weekend, I said, okay, if we're going to give this a shot, we probably shouldn't see other people. So it's a risk, you know? But I just didn't see how it would work if we were dating people locally and then also seeing each other at a distance. Because I've had long distance relationships before and they're hard and they take a lot of, they take a lot of effort. And so we decided we'd give it three months and see what happened. And that was it.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And so when I was going to pick him up at the airport, I was thinking, well, this could, I could be going to pick up the person I'm going to marry. I mean, like, I really, but I really, you know, like our conversations were just very authentic and very moving. And we really connected. And I really felt like he understood me, actually, in a way that a lot of people don't. And what was really nice was at the time, you know, the airport was this tiny little airport out in a cornfield basically. And so driving back to the town, we were in the car for 15 minutes completely in the dark as I was driving. And so it was very similar to we had just spent, you know, 20 something hours on the telephone sitting in the dark talking to each other. So it was very familiar. And we basically spent...”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He was in graduate school at Amherst at UMass Amherst. So he flew. And I picked him up. And at the airport, and he was happy. So whatever the concern was was gone. And I was dressed. You know, I carefully, carefully dressed. I was really, really nervous because I don't really believe in fate and I don't really think there's only one person that you can be with. But I think... You know, people who some people are curvy, they're kind of complicated, and so the number of people who fit them is maybe less than.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You sent that photograph? That's a horrible photograph. I'm like, yeah, but it's the only one that I had that was like where my hair was kind of similar to what it is now. And he's like, Lisa.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You know, you don't have to come. And he's like, no, no, no, I'm coming. And I'm like, no, you don't have to come. And he's like, no, no, I really want to, you know, I'm getting on the plane. I'm like, you don't have to get on the plane He's like, no, I'm getting on the plane. And so I go down to my, I go, I'm in my office. This is happening, right? So I go downstairs to one of my closest friends, who's still actually one of my closest friends. Who is one of my colleagues, and Kevin, and I say, Kevin, and I go to Kevin, I go, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, he doesn't like the photograph. And Kevin's like, well, which photograph did you send? And I'm like, well, you know the one where we're shooting pool? And he's like,”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And he says, Hi, and I'm like, You got the picture. And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, you don't like it. And he's like, well. I'm sure it's not. I'm sure it's your I'm sure just not a good, you know, it's not, it's probably not your best”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And then photograph doesn't show up and it doesn't show up. And so like one day and then two days and then he's like, you know, I said, well, I asked my secretary to send a priority. I mean, I don't know, you know, what he did. And he's like, I'm like, well, you don't have to, you know, you don't have to come. And he's like, no, no, I'm going to, you know, we've had like five dates, the equivalent of five dates practically. And then, so he's supposed to fly on a Thursday or Friday. I can't remember. And I get a call like maybe an hour before his flight's supposed to leave. And he says, hi. And I say, and it's just something in his voice, right? And I say, because at this point, I think I've talked to him like for 25 hours. I don't know.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I say that says, send this priority mail. Priority mail. And he goes, okay, I'll send a priority mail. He's like, I know priority mail. Okay. And then. So I get Dan's photograph in the mail. And, you know, it's him in shorts. And you can see that he's probably somewhere like the Bahamas or something like that. And it's like cropped. So clearly what he's done is he's taken a photograph where he's in it with someone else who turned out to be his ex-wife. So I'm thinking, well, this is awesome. You know, I've hit the jackpot. He's, you know, very appealing to me, very attractive.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I thought, okay, I'll just cancel my date. So I did. And I stayed home and we talked for eight hours. And then the next night for six hours. And basically it just went on like that. And then by the end of the week, he flew to state college. And, you know, we had gone through this whole thing where I'd said, we're going to take it slow. We're going to get to know each other, you know, and then really by, I think we talked like two or three times these like really long conversations. And then he said, I'm just going to fly there. And then so. Of course, I don't even know that there were facts machines at that point. Maybe there were, but I don't think so. Anyway, so we decide we'll exchange pictures. And so he, you know, I take my photograph and I give it to my secretary and I say to my secretary.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I was like This is adorable, right? And then he gets on the phone, not high, nice to meet. The first thing he says to me, she's just a friend. I was just so charmed, really, by the whole thing. So it was Yom Kippur, it was the Jewish Day of Atonement that was ending, and they were baking cookies and going to a breakfast. So people, you know, as you know, fast all day and then they go to a party and they break fast.”
2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source