YouSaid · the spoken record

Lisa Feldman Barrett

lines on the record
164
first
2020-11-20
most recent
2020-11-20
sittings or episodes
1
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podcast

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  1. “Not cool And so she says, you know, hello. And I say, oh, you know, stand there. And she said, sure, can I ask who's calling? And I said, tell him it's Lisa. And she went, oh my God, oh my God, I'm just a friend. I'm just a friend. I just need to tell you I'm just a friend.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  2. “Text only, text only. And then, so this was like a Thursday and a Friday. And then Friday he said, let's talk on the weekend on the phone. And I said, okay. And he wanted to talk Sunday night. And I had a date Sunday night. I said, okay, sure, we can talk Sunday night. And then I was like, well, you know, I don't really want to cancel my date. So I'm just going to call him on Saturday. So I just called, I collect him on Saturday. And a woman answered.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  3. “And then about a week later, I get this other email, and he says, you know, he just describes himself like I'm this, I'm this, I'm this, I'm a chef, I'm a scientist, I'm a this, I'm a this. And so I emailed him back and I said, you know, you seem interesting. You can write me at my actual address if you want. Here's my address. I'm not really responding. I'm not really responding to other people anymore, but you seem interesting. You know, you can write to me if you want. And then he wrote to me. Then I wrote him back and I, it was a non-descript kind of email. And I wrote him back and I said, thanks for responding. You know, I'm really busy right now. I was in the middle of writing my first slate of grant application. So I was really consumed. And I said, I'll get back to you in a couple of days. And so I did. I waited a couple days until my grants were, you know, safe grant application safely out the door. And then I emailed him back.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  4. “And my age Which I forgot. So I got lots of I would say for the most part, they were really sweet, like earnest and genuine, as much as you could tell that somebody's being genuine. I mean, it seemed, you know, there were a couple of really funky ones, like, you know, this one couple who told me that I was their soulmate, the two of them. Then they were looking for, you know, a third person. And I was like, okay. But mostly seemed like super genuine people. And so I chose five men to start corresponding with. And I was corresponding with them. And then about a week later, I get this other email. And okay, and then I post something the next day that said, okay, you know, thank you so much. And I'm going to answered every person back. But then after that, I said, okay, and I'm not going to answer anymore, you know, because they were still coming in and I couldn't, you know, I have a job and, you know, a house to take care of and stuff.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  5. “I don't remember it exactly, although Dan has it. But actually, for our 20th wedding anniversary, he took our exchanges and he printed them off and put them in a leatherbound book for us to read, which was really sweet. Yeah, I think I was just really direct. Like, I'm almost 30. I'm a scientist. I'm not looking to, you know, I'm looking for something serious. And, you know, but the thing is, I forgot to say where my location was.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  6. “That's not a good one. Not that scene. So then I, so then I was like, okay, you know what? I'm going to post my own ad. And so I did. I posted, well, first I wrote my ad and then, of course, I checked it with my friends who were all also assistant professors. They're like my little Greek chorus. And then I posted it and I got something like, I don't know, 80 something responses in 24 hours. I mean, it was.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  7. “Okay, got it. Yeah. So I just, you know, that will just show you my level of naivete. Like I was like, I didn't completely understand. But I was like, well, yeah, you know, no. At one point he asked me how I felt about him wearing my lingerie and I was like, I don't even share my lingerie with my sister, I don't share my lingerie with anybody. You know, no. The third one I interacted with was a banker who lived in Singapore. That conversation didn't last very long because he made an analogy. I guess he made an analogy between me and a character in the fountainhead. The woman who's raped in the fountain head, and I was like, okay, that's not.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  8. “Yes, that has been said. And so then the next one I actually corresponded with, and we actually got to the point of talking on the phone. And we had this really kind of funny conversation where, you know, we're chatting and he said. He introduces the idea that he's really looking for a dominant woman. And I'm thinking, I'm a psychologist by training. So I'm thinking, oh, he means sex roles. Like, I'm like, no, I'm very assertive and I'm glad you think that, you know, okay. Anyways, long story short, that's not really what he meant.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  9. “Yeah, and I actually would have been fine dating somebody who was a scientist. It's just that they have, it's just that whoever I date has to just accept that I am and that I was pretty ambitious and was trying to make my career. And, you know, that's not an, I think it's maybe more common now for men to maybe accept that in their female partners, but at that time, not so common.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  10. “No pictures. The web doesn't exist. It's all done in ASCII format, sort of. But the ratio of men to women was like 10 to 1. I mean, there were many more men because it was basically academics and the government. That was it. I mean, I think AOL maybe was just starting to become popular. And so the first person I met told me that he was a scientist who worked for NASA Yeah. Anyways, it turned out that he didn't actually.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  11. “In the newspaper, that didn't work. And then a friend of mine said, Oh, you know, there's this thing called net news. So we're going, this isn't like 1992 maybe. So there was this anonymous, you could do it anonymously, so you would read, you could post or you could read ads and then respond to an address which was anonymous and that was yoked to somebody's real address. And there was always a lag because it was this like a bulletin board sort of thing. So at first I read them over and I decided to respond to one or two. And, you know, it was interesting.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  12. “And one good coffee shop and maybe one nice restaurant. I mean, there was really, but there was the second son of a Japanese sushi chef who was not going to inherit the restaurant. And so he moved to Pennsylvania and was giving sushi lessons. So I met this guy, the sushi chef, and we decided to throw a sushi party at the coffee shop. So we basically, it was the goal was to invite every eligible bachelor really within like a 20 mile radius. We had a totally fun time. I wore an awesome crushed velvet burgundy dress. It was beautiful dress. And I didn't meet any, I met a lot of friends, new friends, but I did not meet anybody. So then I thought, okay, well, maybe I'll try the personals ads, which I had never used before in my life. And I first tried the paper personals ads.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  13. “Yeah, a little bit, maybe. Yeah, I wouldn't call me wise at that age. But, anyways, not sure that I would say that I'm wise now. And so. I was spending probably 16 hours a day in the lab because it was my first year. And as an assistant professor, and there's a lot to do. And I was also bitching and moaning to my friends that I hadn't had sex and I don't know how many months. And I was starting to, you know, become unhappy with my life. I think at a certain point they just got tired of listening to me bitch and moan and said, just do something about it then. Like, do, you know, if you're unhappy. And so. The first thing I did was I made friends with a sushi chef in town, and this is State College Pennsylvania in the early 90s was there was like a pizza shop and a sub shop and actually a very good bagel shop.”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  14. “So I was divorced by the time I was 26, 27, 26, I guess. And I was in my first academic job, which was Penn State University, which is in the middle of Pennsylvania, surrounded by mountains. So it's four hours to get anywhere, to get to Philadelphia, New York, Washington. I mean, you're basically stuck, you know. And I was very fortunate to have a lot of other assistant professors who were hired at the same time as I was. So there were a lot of us, we were all friends, which was really fun. But I was single. And I didn't want to date a student. And there were no, and I wasn't going to date somebody in my department. That's just a recipe for disaster. Yeah. So”

    2020-11-20 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #140 – Lisa Feldman Barrett: Love, Evolution, and the Human Brain · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source