YouSaid · the spoken record

Lori Gottlieb

lines on the record: 94
first: 2020-03-19
most recent: 2020-03-19
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Oh, thank you so much, Tim. I'm such a fan of your blog, your podcast. I really admire how much you've been willing to share with everybody, and I was so excited to have this conversation with you. So thank you for having me on.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Twitter is probably the one that as a not tech savvy person, that's the one that's easiest for me to use. But I'm on all of them. They can say hi to me on any of them.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I will be posting about these on social media so they can always follow me on Twitter at LoriGottleb1. They can follow me on Instagram, which I'm still trying to figure out how to use. At Lori Gottley underscore author. I'm on Facebook at GottleyBlory. iHeart will be, actually the promos are going up right now for the podcast just as we're getting our inbox full of letters and we've been taping a few of the episodes and the TV show i'm sure you will hear about through normal media channels”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I think that's so interesting because people can learn so much from that. We really want people to learn from this podcast. We want them to see something about their own lives from this podcast. And so, you know, what worked and what didn't and why? I think that's always so helpful.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Questions. And so not only are we going to have people come on and talk about what's their dilemma, but then Guy and I are going to have a private conversation, which the listener will hear, but the person who wrote the letter will not, which is how do therapists talk about this? How do we think about their problem? And then how do we go back to them and kind of what you were asking earlier, how do you say to them the thing that you want to say in a way that they'll be able to hear it, which might be different from the way Guy and I discussed it with each other. So you get to hear that difference. And then we give them our suggestions. And then what's interesting is in the column, you never get to hear what happened. I get to hear because sometimes people will write to me and say, I tried your advice and here's what happened. But the reader doesn't get to hear in our podcast. We bring them on a few weeks later and they tell us what happened.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so I'm really excited, and I think the guys from the Americans who I think write with a lot of nuance and I think they're so smart and they're also able to infuse it with that kind of real authentic humor, not jokey humor, but humor of like, yes, I see myself in that, and that's funny. So I'm really excited to kind of bring that to more people. And I think with the podcast, it's the same thing. It's about, you know, one thing that we're doing on the podcast is I have a co-host who is Guy Winch. Guy and I have both done TED Talks and we met through sort of the TED world. And he is a psychotherapist in New York. And we really want people to, it's one thing in the column to be able to say, you know, let me examine your situation on paper, but it's another thing to just be able to have a conversation with someone and hear what they're saying and ask them those.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's so much easier to see ourselves through other people and what they do as mirrors for us. And so I think in the television show, what I'm really excited about is it's not a show about therapists, it's a show about people who happen to be therapists. And there's a distinction. And the distinction is one would be like, oh, let's do all that sort of stereotypical stuff that people think about therapy, which is, you know, every single trope that you've seen on television about therapists. Or we can do something about human beings, and this happens to be their career.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Through the lens of another person's story. It's kind of like this, Tim. It's like if I said to you, Tim, you do this all the time. You're like this. You'd be like, no, I don't. I'm not like that. Or you might feel offended, even if you recognized it and you said, yeah, I kind of am, but you might feel like it was critical. But if you see somebody else doing the very thing that you do, you're like, oh, yeah, I do that.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So the television series was a way, I think, of bringing emotional health and normalizing it to just a greater audience. You know, I mean, the book has been very widely read, but I think that TV reaches people in a way that really nothing else can. I mean, podcasts, of course, your podcast, look at what your podcast is doing. It's rating better than many television shows, I guess. But I feel like also just seeing other people's dilemma, seeing other people struggle, see other people kind of the ridiculousness of the human condition. You know, we're all ridiculous and we take ourselves so seriously. And I think that when you can see yourself”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The attachment that we can feel to a complete stranger, the ways that other people are mirrors for us and help us to see our own issues in a different way. It's just a beautiful, beautiful meditation on not just male friendship, but I think just human connection. So I give that one a lot. By the way, to men, to women, people of all ages, it's a book that people really respond to.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He wrote Cutting for Stone, which I think got made into a movie. But this book was about when it's about his relationship. We never really hear about male friendship. And this is a book about his relationship when he was getting out of his marriage and he was supervising interns in El Paso and an intern came to him who had an addiction. And this person, it was like intern's last chance to not get kicked out of an internship program and get sober. And it's about their friendship and they really bonded on the tennis court of all things. They're both serious tennis players. And it's an incredibly moving story about the limits of what we can do to help another person.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh yeah, I love giving books as gifts. They're my favorite gift to receive. And I love to give them because I feel like I'm giving an experience to somebody. It's not just an object, but it's an experience that they will have as they read something. Books to me are the best gift. And one book that I give a lot is a book called The Tennis Partner by Abraham Vergese. I don't know if you know who he is. He's a doctor. He's now at Stanford, but he was in El Paso for a long time.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's so important to physically be in the same space with somebody and not be interrupted by your device. We all will survive just fine if you spend an hour with somebody and not check your phone.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, that's true. And I think that in therapy, you know, a lot of people will say, well, can I do like a phone session or can I do like text therapy even? I don't even know how that would go, but apparently people do that. And I don't even like doing Skype therapy. A colleague of mine said that Skype therapy is like doing therapy with a condomon because there's something about the energy in the room where you can hear the other person breathe. There's the same kind of smells and sounds in the room and there's something about just the physicality of being in the same space. And so often in our lives when we get together with people, we have like a phone on the table or a text comes in and we're not actually spending an hour.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You and I were supposed to be talking in person right now at South by Southwest, and here we are doing our remote. And thank God that we are, that we're able to connect with people, which I think is really important in this time, is using technology to connect with people when you can't physically be in the same space.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“From us, and that's the freedom to choose our attitude in any given situation. And he was talking about being in a concentration camp. That he was saying, even in the midst of this horror of the concentration camp, I get to choose where my mind goes. Like only I get to choose that. And I think it's very relevant to what's going on with COVID in the sense of we can have a dance party in our living room because we happen to be home, right? Which doesn't mean that we don't feel the horror of everything else that's going on and the anxiety and don't feel for all the families that are losing their loved ones and don't feel for all the people who are in ICUs right now and don't feel the terror of what's going to happen when many more of us get it and there are no beds. All of that is very real.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Every time I walk by and I see him, it's like wow, you know, in a few years he's going to be in college and I'm not going to get to see him. And I'm just sort of relishing the time that I have with him so that I'm not just watching the news every second. I'm not just focusing on here's this update, here's this other update. I think that that can be really anxiety provoking. And we need to be anxious, right? And there's all this tragedy happening all around us. And it could happen to us too. But I think that it's important that people find ways to, you know, there's a lot of the Victor Frankl in my book, you know, right? And so, you know, one of the things he said very famously was that, you know, there's a, I'm going to paraphrase here, but there's a freedom that nobody can take away from. There's one thing that nobody can take away.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, you know, so I will speak about COVID just because it's right here in front of us. So my son is now doing remote learning. His school has closed. One of the things that I noticed is how happy I am to see him that”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That is hard, that is difficult, right? That causes you pain. And you can also have joy. In the book, there's somebody who's dealing with a really, really tragic death. And the person was saying that like after the child died, after his child died, that he was with his other child and they laughed. They were like, they laughed. And they were like playing a game and they laughed. And he was like, how could I laugh? My child just died a week ago. And he like, Felt like the worst person in the world for feeling that, but it's like that's the weather system doesn't mean that you aren't in excruciating pain, but we can also laugh both and”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I think it's a way of helping to communicate to them that our fear of our feelings is often scary. And so I help them to feel a little bit at a time. And I help to contain them so that they'll feel something and they realize it's not going to kill them. And then they are kind of like, oh, that like I gave myself some room to breathe. And then I think that they, you know, that helps them to say, okay, I can feel a little bit more and I can feel a little bit more. And also just that what they discover when the more that they feel is that feelings are like weather systems. They blow in, they blow out. It's not like because you feel something the storm is going to stay there indefinitely. The sun's going to come in and then it's going to get windy and then maybe, you know, a little rain will blow in again. And so, you know, it moves. You know, it's again what I was talking about earlier that both and that you can feel something.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's how much sometimes denial serves us. Denial is a way of staving off these really uncomfortable feelings that we don't want to acknowledge. And my job as a therapist is to really get under that denial and to be able to help somebody to see that dealing with the feelings is going to be a lot easier than staying in denial.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like he was a smoker. And that didn't stop him from smoking. So I think there's this idea, you know, some people have this idea that there are immortal, that they're not vulnerable to the vicissitudes of just being a living organism. And that was so striking to me. And that image, too, from medical school stays with me, like the idea of how strong denial can be. And as a therapist, when I see people in denial, I always think of that fellow student of mine who would just, you know, be dissecting this person who died of lung cancer and then go outside and smoke.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I would say some people, you know, there was something that really shocked me when I was in medical school, which is we were doing our dissection unit. So you have these cadavers and you're learning, you know, anatomy and physiology. And one of the, you have to figure out why your cadaver died, why that person died. So that they don't tell you you have to like figure it out by what you notice when you're dissecting that person. And one of them had died of lung cancer, and it became very clear that the person had been a smoker. And you could even see like nicotine stains in the person's nails. The person, one of the medical students who was working on that cadaver, would go outside at the breaks and smoke.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Certainly male doctors, especially kind of dismissed me as, oh, it's anxiety or, oh, you need to sleep better when that wasn't the case at all. And so I think now, especially that I do experience symptoms from, you know, just having a compromised immune system that I'm even more acutely aware of making sure that I appreciate everything that I can do with the health that I do have.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so that has ever since medical school, I've been acutely aware of what a gift it is to be able to do the things that we want to do because we're healthy enough to do them. You know, in the book I write about health crisis that I had that's ongoing where I have some kind of autoimmune situation going on. And for a very long time, the doctors, you know, some of them dismissed me as sort of what I call, I go back and I trace the history of sort of the wandering uterus and hysteria and the way that sometimes”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I actually thought that's what I wanted to do. And I didn't even have, you know, I wasn't a parent then. And it was so eye-opening. It just hit me at my core in a way that I think it matured me in a lot of ways. It really made me appreciate so much about life and living and all of the opportunities that each of us has every day if we're healthy. You know, I think so many times we think about all the things that are going wrong in our lives. And, you know, people will say hashtag First World Problems and all of that and going back to the hierarchy of pain. But I think that we take for granted our health.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so I just followed the fire in my belly. And I said, I'm going to have to make sacrifices. I'm going to have to make a lot of financial sacrifices. And I'm going to have to write a lot to make enough money to support myself and to pay off my medical school loans, et cetera. Now, I had somebody saved up from Hollywood, but not enough to sustain me. So, you know, these are the choices that people make. And it was, again, a choice where people said, you know, I really suggest you do this, that, or the other thing. And I really listened to myself and what I wanted to do. And becoming a therapist was the easy choice, you know, in the last of the changes. But I feel like every single thing that I did was really just looking at story in the human condition from a different perspective. So I don't feel like I had four different careers. I feel like I had one career and I'm just kind of experiencing them from different ways of getting in.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Life is short. And I was very aware of that even back then, that this is a theme that kind of is you see all over my work, which is this theme of why thinking about death makes us happier, right? Which is, I don't mean dwelling. I mean just acknowledging it, just acknowledging that life has 100% mortality rate and most of us don't know how or when we're going to die. And so I think that even though I was in my 30s then, which sounds young, it's not. You know, it's like, why should I spend those next two years in medical school when I know that I want to go right, when that's what I want to do is I want to go tell other people's stories. I want to go do this work. That's where the fire in my belly was.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“also financially i think that you know we're so worried about talking about money in our culture but i think it's a very real thing and i think people need to talk more about it because you know there i was you know i'd already paid for two years of medical school and i had loans and all of that and um you know now i'm going to go be a freelance journalist you know who does that um and i think what it was is what i was talking about earlier is that voice that quiet voice where everybody else is saying just finish medical school just get”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Everybody said, how do you leave, you know, how do you leave this place that you're in in your career? How do you leave that and just go to medical school? Think what was harder was leaving medical school because I had already made the switch. I went to, I was up at medical school and it takes a lot, by the way. You have to take all the classes to take the MCAT and you have to take the MCAT and then you have to meet all the requirements. And I was, again, not a science major, although I was very kind of mathy and science-y as a person. You know, I was like on the math team and, you know, those kinds of things. But I wasn't, I didn't, I was very much taking humanities courses in college. And so and literature. And so I think that doing everything that it took to get to medical school, getting into a medical school, being at a medical school, and then saying, you know what, I'm going to go be a freelance journalist.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Leaving the entertainment business wasn't difficult for me because I was so clear that there was something deeper that I wanted to pursue. Not that movies and television can't be incredibly profound, but I think there was something that was more personally resonant for me about working with actual people out there, which sort of foreshadows, of course, what I do as a therapist. But what was hard about that change was that everybody thought I was crazy.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I think too, we're both, I think, like most humans, we're still searching. Still asking, we're still curious. We're still discovering.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I feel like when you ask, how are we the same and how are we different? I feel like what happened was both of us found meaning and purpose. We both feel like we're doing something that is helping other people. And I feel like that's what I'm doing in all these kind of different pieces of my career. And you also have kind of a hybrid career. And I think you're doing that in the different pieces of your career too.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. And it seems really obvious in retrospect, but at the time, you know, you're just like, how do I do this? And so that's what I did. And I feel like I went from in journalism, I went from telling people stories to as a therapist helping people to change their stories. I feel like a lot of what I do as a therapist is a lot of that editing work that I would do when I was interviewing people, when I was writing their stories, really asking a lot of the same kinds of questions.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And she said, Well, first of all, you're welcome to come back. But if you become a psychiatrist, you're going to go through all this training and you're probably going to be prescribing medication in 15 minute intervals. And yes, you can do talk therapy, but why don't you get a graduate degree in clinical psychology and you can do the work you want to do and not do residency and try to do all this with a toddler? And so it was amazing. It was the best advice. It was one of those aha moments.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hard. It was like, you know, you have this new baby, you love this new baby. I wanted this baby so badly. And yet I was like, I need to be out. Again, it's that connection and story that when you're doing it remotely, it's not the same. And so I called up the dean at Stanford where I had been at medical school. And I said, maybe I should come back and do psychiatry.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Wasn't looking like that was where the medical world was headed. And so I started writing when I was up there. And I ended up then leaving to become a journalist because I thought, I want to delve into people's stories and I want to help them tell their stories. And so I did long-form journalism, which I still do, and I love. And it was later when I had a baby that I was working from home as long-form journalists do. And I needed adults to talk to. I needed like adult, I needed adult conversation. And the UPS guy would come and he would literally, I would detain him and I would say, how about those diapers? And do you have kids? And he would like back away to his big brown truck. And eventually he started just very quietly placing the packages on my doorstep so that he did not have to interact with me. And I thought, okay, like, and I was really, you know, it was really.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I had worked so hard in school and that I worked so hard at my job and I worked so hard to get the job at NBC and he was like, you should go to medical school. That's where your passion is. I see it in you. And I was like, I'm not leaving that job. But I did because I wanted to be immersed in the real stories, right? So I went to medical school. And then when I went to medical school, I went up to Stanford where it was the beginning of the, it was actually the end of the first dot-com boom right before the first bust. So this is like 1999, 2000. And when I was there, it was like everybody was talking about this newfangled thing called managed care. And my whole idea was I'm going to be the family doctor, the person who guides people through their lives and I'm going to have these rich relationships with my patients.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it was sort of like it felt like a documentary in a lot of ways, and at least in the beginning. And I used to hang out a lot in the ER with the consultant on the show who was an ER doc. And at a certain point, he said to me, you know, I think you like it better here than you like your day job. And it was one of those things where”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I was a French literature major and I like that. Of course, you know, the existentialists, right? So when you think about like what was I reading at the time, it was really depressing. But I was really interested in culture and literature and story. And so I think everything, when I look at it in retrospect, everything that I did was about story and the human condition, whether I was working in the entertainment business. I think you know that I ended up working in film and then I moved over and I did network television and I worked at NBC and that was the year that friends in ER premiered. So it was like the beginning of this era in Mussy TV on Thursday nights on NBC. ER was a really unique show because it was so realistic. It told these very rich human stories.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think that my struggles were about working really hard to achieve something, achieving it, and then going now what? Really questioning sort of the meaning and the purpose. And it took me a long time. I think that, you know, it wasn't until, you know, I switched around a lot in terms of my career. And I think that that was because I kept searching for that meaning and purpose in the right way. And so, you know, when I was in college, I started doing these internships in the entertainment world because I was really interested in telling good stories and I was really interested in the human condition. I felt like at the time, this was before TV became what it is now, I was like, that's movies, right? So I'd always been really just profoundly changed by certain movies. What were your major?”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I think that both of us put our energy, that kind of energy that we put into our academic lives. I think that we've put it into our professional lives. But I think that our goals are very different than they were when we were like trying to get the highest A in the class.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think we're both. Very interested in making change in the world. And I think that we're both very, I would say, proactive about doing that. I think from what little I know about you that you've disclosed publicly. I think that we both have gone through some kind of evolution of defining success differently. That I think that we both kind of were very, we grew up in a way where we worked really hard at school and we succeeded academically. And we went to prestigious schools. And I think when we got to those schools, both of us started to realize, wait a minute, this is not the secret to happiness. And I think both of us struggled when we were in those schools. I know I did, and I read about the ways that you did. So I think that it made us question a lot of what we had worked for and how we had worked for it”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Out with me, so many times we aren't doing this consciously, but sometimes we feel threatened when other people get healthy, when other people are doing things that maybe we wish we could do. And this is, I say this about envy a lot, right? When people are envious, they're so afraid to feel their envy. And I'm like, feel your envy. Use your envy because you want to follow your envy. It tells you what you want. Don't use your envy to sabotage someone, to say mean things about that person. Use your envy as a catalyst to figure out what you can change in your own life.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know that for their own reasons that aren't necessarily about your own well-being. And I want to say one last thing about that, which is that Sometimes the person that you're with doesn't want you to change because they want to maintain sort of the homeostasis in the family unit. So if you're kind of the person who's struggling, they get to be the healthy sane person. And if you become the healthy sane person, then all of a sudden they have to look at what's not working in their own lives. This happens a lot like when somebody says like, you know what, I'm going to leave this job that I feel stuck in and I'm going to go and I'm going to try to do this other thing, this dream that I've always had. And the other person is like, oh, that's so risky. Oh, don't do that. That's so risky, you know, or why would you do that? Or that's unrealistic. Or they try to sabotage it in a way that's much more subtle. It's because all of a sudden you're upsetting the homeostasis in the system. Maybe they were the successful one. Maybe they liked it that way. Or somebody decides they're going to get healthy and they're going to lose weight or they're going to go to the gym. And they're like, oh, you're no fun anymore. You don't want to come.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A therapist can see in the room. By the way, the relationship in the room is a very, very, Might think about your therapist during the week, and your therapist might think about you. But what happens in the therapy room is a microcosm of how you relate to the other people outside of the therapy room, the other people in your life. So when I'm interacting with someone in the therapy room, I don't need to ask what other people find challenging about them. I'm experiencing it. I'm seeing it. I'm finding them challenging because they're doing with me exactly what they do with people out there. And so if you want to come up with your questions outside, like somebody in your personal life asking those questions, I think that that's really hard because often that person will have their own agenda. They will have their own things that they want to change that will.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“for that one you know i i think that um so many times if you ask those questions the person That you're asking will have a personal agenda. So, you know, if you really wanted to know, well, what do you find most challenging about me? That person will name all the things that they want to change that will make their lives better, right? So it's like they have an agenda. A therapist doesn't have that agenda.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, there's asking the question, then there's the openness to hearing what they have to say. I also think you really have to choose your audience.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And then to really kind of try to see the similarities, what are some of the patterns? Another thing is that I think that we're most revealed in the context of our relationships with others. And if you see something happening over and over in the way you relate to others and the way that others relate to you, that's something to look at also. But I don't want to be, I'm not proselytizing therapy, but I do think that it's very hard to self-examine without having another objective person to almost get a really good second opinion on your life from. And that's what I kind of think therapy isn't a lot of ways. It's like a really good second opinion on what might be going on.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, that's such a good question. I think that the therapist has the advantage of having the advantage point of not living that person's life. So it's like we ourselves are so zoomed in. We're so close. But a therapist is looking at you from the outside. You know, they're zoomed out, right? They can see the broader perspective. It's so hard for all of us to see ourselves clearly. And so I think that one way that people can identify that something might be up is if something keeps happening over and over. It's not coincidence. I think that so many times we want to attribute something not working to something external. And so I think that it's really important to say like, what are some of these things that are going on that are keeping me stuck, that are not working for me?”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT