YouSaid · the spoken record

Lori Gottlieb

lines on the record: 94
first: 2020-03-19
most recent: 2020-03-19
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“That and I think that it made me think though, you know, was that insensitive? And what does that mean? And it made me really do a little bit of soul searching about, you know, how do we use humor when we're trying to cope with something horrible? So I welcome all of that. I don't overthink what I'm writing or I don't overthink this. I think very, very much about what I'm writing because I want to put something out there that's valuable to people. But I don't overthink what the reaction is going to be. I don't hide because I'm worried that I might offend somebody. Because by the way, you always will.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like when people are attacking you and how not to get into that negative space with them. You know, somebody today, I'll tell you something happened today on Twitter. I had posted something. I said something like if I can't touch my face soon, I think I might need to go to therapy because of coronavirus. And it was just this thing that I posted that I didn't think much about, but I posted it because I think like we're all trying to cope with this. And this person wrote on their not funny, right? And what I wrote to them was that some people use humor to cope with really horrible situations. And it might not be this person who does that, but that sometimes we need to, you know, it's kind of both and that this is a horrible situation. And sometimes our souls need to breathe. And so I think that it's, and a lot of people sort of responded.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I think people can be so critical in that way. I think it's, I really want to hear from readers what I didn't get right. I learn and grow that way. I would like them to say it in a kind way. But I think that I don't beat myself up if I miss something, if I didn't say something, if I made an outright error where I feel like, wow, that was really misguided. I'll say something on social media like, yeah, I should have said that. That's a really good point. It's like what I say, I always say this about why I decided to write so much about myself, like in my journalism, in my book, and all kinds of places. I will just close things because I don't want to be the expert up on high. I want to use my expertise to help people. But I always say that my greatest credential is that I'm a card-carrying member of the human race. And if I can't model for people what it's like to make a mistake, what it's like to be kind to yourself when you make a mistake. What is”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I think that we need to give more air to that quieter voice that says this is important to me. And I'm going to say it. And if people don't like it, or if I made a mistake, that's okay. And so I think, you know, even in my book where I'm very, very, I kind of like let it rip, you know. And there are some people who would say, wow, that's really inappropriate. But it was something that I felt like I had to tell that story in that way. And so when I write my column, sometimes I'll give advice that I know some people will take issue with. Or there have been lots of times where I've said something in a column, you know, you're on a deadline every week, so you don't have a lot of time to.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, I want to go back to the kindness for a second in answering this question because I think that one of the things that happens is we have these voices in our heads that try to talk us out of things that often the most authentic place in us is the quiet voice. It's the voice that is like, hey, listen to me. And then we get these louder voices that say, oh, but what if this? What if the audience doesn't like this? What if somebody doesn't like this? What if I displease somebody?”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Player when I was younger, and I use a lot of that in therapy, which is, you know, I make this move, they make this move, I have to adjust my move. In the column, I can't adjust my move. I think what I'm trying to do in the column is I'm trying to not only answer the question for that person, but I'm trying to answer it for something for every person who's reading it, which is how is this going to relate to the way they think about the world? So it's a more general answer. It's not like here's specifically what you should say to your mother-in-law, right? Even though it's a bicep column. It's more about here's a different way to think about this and here's something that I see going on that maybe is more universal. And this, I think, applies to your situation. And this will help you.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Someone with depression, make sure they're not surrounded by assholes. So I think yes, there's a reality to what they're saying. They're difficult people. They're having a difficult situation. I understand that. But what is the role? What is their role in that? And so in the therapy room, if I am helping them to kind of edit that story, I have a lot of time to do that. I don't mean that we want to keep people there for years. I mean that I have from week to week, if I forget to say something or I can let something marinate because I can control kind of how much I release at once. I can go back the next week if I forgot to say something. I can make a note and go back to it. If they're not really open to something that week, I can try to come in a different way another time or even in the room in that session. With the column, you get one shot. You can't really tell what the reaction is. So you can't sort of say, okay, I'm saying this. Here's how they're reacting to it. And now I'm going to, you know, I was a competitive chess.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So I think in both cases in the therapy room and in the deother therapist column and then also in the new podcast that we're doing, which is going to be dear therapists. And it's a different dynamic because in the therapy room, in all of these, I should say, somebody's coming in with their story. And what you want to do is you want to help them to edit their story. And so in the therapy room, you have week to week, you can go through that editing process with somebody, you help them to see something. So a lot of times people in all of these, you know, whether it's the podcast, the column, the therapy room, people will come in and usually there's some problem with someone out in the world, right? And by the way, there's lots of difficult people in the world. When I was training a supervisor said to us before diagnosing”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Self flagellation never leads to long-term change. Self-flagellation might sort of make you do something in the moment, but it won't last. The way that you make long-term change is by having self-compassion. And people are really afraid to allow themselves to feel compassion for themselves because they think that then they won't be accountable. They think that if I am kind to myself, I will not make these changes. I won't be motivated. And the exact opposite is true, that the nicer you are to yourself, the kinder you are to yourself, the more motivated you will be to change. Having a hard time with that one”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So glad you said the thing about beating the shit out of yourself because I think so many of us self-flagellate and we think that if we self flagellate that will help us feel better it's very paradoxical that you know if I kick the shit out of myself that I'm going to whip myself into shape and I'm going to make these changes”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The end of a relationship, no matter how old we are, we often go to this very primal place because as a species, we need to connect. And I think that when we experience sort of the shock of disconnection, it can really be discombobulating. So there was a lot of really focusing more on grieving than on what was going on with his life. Could I sit with my grief? Could I sit with the sadness? Could I sit with the loss? And that was so much more helpful for me, even though it was a lot more painful.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, well, the first behavior was I stopped the whole online searching for the ex-boyfriend because it just wasn't serving me. I think also changing my behavior in terms of making up these stories about, you know, if he posted like a salad in a restaurant, I'd be like, well, how can he even eat? He didn't miss me at all. So, you know, like these, these, I mean, you go to a very young place. I think when we experience.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To what your wife is saying, that's going to escalate things. So just because you understand the why and what it brings up in you, what are you going to do differently now? So once people start changing their behavior, that's when they start to see real change in their lives.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Why these arguments keep escalating in your marriage, right? Somebody might come back the next week and they'll say, yeah, so I got in this fight with my wife and I understand now exactly. I understood it as it was happening, exactly why this was happening. And I said, well, did you do something different? Well, no, but I understood why it was happening, right? It's like, that's not helpful. I mean, it's helpful to some extent. What you need to do then is you need to do something different because of this insight. So maybe you understand now that when you react in a certain way,”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I love that too because I think a lot of people believe that when they come to therapy, they're going for insight. Why do I do this? Why is it like this? Why do I keep getting into these arguments with my partner? Why am I stuck in my job? You know, the why? And you can have all the insight in the world, but if you don't actually make changes out in the world, the insight is useless. So I like to say that when you come to therapy, you have to be both vulnerable and accountable. The vulnerability is you have to actually let me see you. You can't do the whole like, look over here, look over here, look over here, and try to distract me with all these different stories because if I can't see the truth of who you are, I won't be able to connect with you. I won't be able to help you connect with yourself and we won't be able to get that insight. So that's the insight piece. But then there's the accountable part, right? Which is, okay, now that you understand”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And he said, Well, you seem to really enjoy suffering. And what he meant was he explained that there's a difference between pain and suffering. We all experience pain at different points in our lives, but we sometimes don't have to suffer so much that sometimes we are the cause of our suffering. And I was the cause of my suffering by spending all of this emotional real estate on what was going on with my ex-boyfriends life. And it was just, it was creating all this suffering. I didn't have to be doing that. There were other ways that I could manage my grief that I could move through my grief that didn't involve kind of retraumatizing myself all the time. And that was so effective, like that kick, right? Because I always remember that, the difference between pain and suffering.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“One of the things he did that really surprised me was at one point I was sort of going on and on about the breakup and I was looking on social media and I was looking at this imaginary wonderful life that my ex was now having and he just he stood up, Wendell stood up and he came over and he kicked me and he didn't hurt me it was like and I was like what was that”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It was clear that he was the same person in the therapy room that he might be out in the world, that there was not a persona that he was bringing into the room. And so he was very spontaneous in the room. And I think it's almost like as a musician, right? If you are a pianist, let's say, and you have to learn your skills and they have to be very precise and you have to know them so well and you just drill them and drill them and drill them, that's what we get in graduate school. We drill the precision of being a therapist, but we don't drill the art, right? The art is something that's that comes out from experience. And so I think that once you know those skills, then you can improvise. But you can't really improvise as well if you don't have the foundational stuff down. So the same thing, I think, with Wendell was he had the foundational stuff down, but man could he improvise.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I think Wendell, the therapist that I write about in the book, is a great therapist. And I think what makes him a great therapist is that he so himself in the room, he brings his full humanity into the room. He's not, I think there's a stereotype of therapist as being very much like a tabula raza. And it's not that Wendell was disclosing things about his life. I knew very little about his life until, of course, the night that I Google stalked him. That's another story. But, you know, we didn't talk about him in the room, but he as a human.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But so many of us don't walk around those bars. So the question is why don't we? Why don't we walk around the bars? And the reason is because we want to be free, but with freedom comes responsibility. And so if we walk around those bars, we're not the victims. So that was a story when I had to unknow myself. I had to unknow that part of myself that tended to go into that place of everything out there is limiting me and life is unfair. So I had to really examine that story. And I didn't even know that I was still carrying around that story”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Happens because we cling to the familiar, so it feels like home. So even if home was unpleasant or miserable, at least it's something that we know. If we go and we say, oh, wait, what if I'm not a victim? What if I have, what if I'm not trapped, right? My therapist told me about this was so life-changing for me. It was a cartoon he told me about. At one point I was talking about all the ways that, you know, I was trapped. And, you know, there was no way out of any of these situations that I was talking about. And he said, you remind me of this cartoon. And it's of a prisoner shaking the bars, desperately trying to get out. But on the right and the left, the bars are open. Prisoners free, right?”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm a victim and they don't want to be a victim. But what happens is they orchestrate things so that they will be a victim in those stories.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I was taking on was like this happened to me and I didn't see it and I was blindsided by this. And it was a very old story for me. It was like a story from my childhood. It was a story that, you know, this idea that, you know, things were happening to me and I had very little control over them. And it bled into this adult relationship. And so it became very clear in my therapy that there were clues that he was not a kid person. There were clues all along. We weren't talking about it. But we were both responsible for him for not telling me and me for ignoring the times that it did come up and not really pursuing it. Because in some ways, even if our stories are not stories we want to live, we somehow orchestrate our lives to keep the storyline going. So someone might have that story of,”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I think one of the stories that it's the story that I open with in the book, which is that the person that I was planning to marry, my boyfriend at the time, told me one night that all of a sudden he said, you know, I've decided that I don't think I can live with a kid under my roof for the next 10 years. And that kid at the time was my eight-year-old who had not been hiding in the closet the whole time we were dating. So my version of this story was You know, what my friend said, the idiot compassion, right? He's a sociopath or he's a jerk or who does that. And the story that I brought to my therapist was I was so attached to that story that this was all him. And I think that through the process of going through therapy, it became very clear that I had a role in this story. And the role”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, it's right. I mean, I think that we carry around these stories like I'm unlovable or whatever it might be that people have these stories that they think that define them. And they think that a lot of what therapy is is to really examine the accuracy of those stories and whether they really are serving them at this point in their lives. So getting to unknow yourself is to let go of these very limiting stories that you've been carrying around so that you can live your life and not the story that you've been telling yourself about your life. So many of us are walking around living some story that we're telling ourselves about our lives that doesn't reflect reality at all.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Part of getting to know yourself is to let go of these ideas that you've been carrying around about yourself that just aren't accurate. I want to underscore something”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So I think that therapy can be defined. People will define therapy in a lot of different ways. I can tell you how I define therapy. So I define therapy as something taking place in the same room, in the same space, one-on-one on a consistent basis. So usually that's weekly. And it's a process of really trying to understand oneself better in the sense of understanding what are this person's blind spots, how does one navigate through the world more smoothly, what are some of the ways that we're carrying things from the past and we don't realize it. It's like wearing clothes that don't fit anymore, that somehow we're walking around with these clothes that don't fit and they're affecting the way that we manifest in the world, the way we present, the way we behave. So, you know, and I think this part of getting to know yourself is also getting to unknow yourself. And that refers to the old clothing that I was just talking about.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because then you're not hearing them at all. And also part of listening isn't just hearing the content of what they're trying to tell you, but are you reading their body language? Are you reading their facial expressions? This isn't something that just happens in a therapy room. This is how we need to be able to communicate better with one another. And it doesn't take a lot of effort. It's more of a reframing of what it means to have a conversation with someone.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, so I see a lot of couples in my practice. And one of the things that I see so often is something like somebody's trying to be heard by the other person. And that person says something like, you never listen to me. And I always say to the person who says you never listened to me to the partner, how well do you listen to him or her, right? Because when we're screaming, you never listen to me. Usually that person who says that is not a very good listener. And so I think that when you are hearing something, As they're talking, are you thinking about how you are going to defend yourself against their perceived complaint”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Can you try to imagine you brought in the story for these people? And once they start to broaden the story, they allow other perspectives to come into the narrative. And then they start rewriting their own narrative a little bit. There's some movement there. And it doesn't happen all at once. This isn't one conversation. This is many conversations.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Those kinds of things. So I think that when somebody is telling you something and you're thinking in your head, wow, they're making a big deal about this or they shouldn't feel this way because here's this other perspective on it. There's no shoulds about how you feel. That's just actually how they feel. And so if you can have compassion for how they feel, if you can imagine it and even have empathy, they will be more able than to their shame will kind of diminish and they will feel more able then to self-reflect. And that's when you can start asking questions like, what do you think the other person in this, if they were, if they were telling the story, what do you think they might be saying? What do you think their version would be, right?”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That especially with our partners, right? We try to talk them out of their feelings. Well, you shouldn't feel that way because X, right? And a lot of us experience that as kids, right? So we don't know how to access our feelings. So a lot of us as kids, we might have said like, you know, I'm sad and you're very well-meaning parent might have said, like, don't be sad. Hey, look, a balloon, right? Hey, let's go to Disneyland or, you know, when you were young, you might have said, like, I'm angry. And they would have said, really? You're so sensitive.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think the first thing is that people need to feel understood before they're going to be able to self-reflect. And so when I talked about timing and dosage, what I meant was that first you need to let the person know that you understand the story that they're telling from their perspective. And I keep using the word story because everybody's coming in with a story and we're all to some extent unreliable narrators. And so you don't have to agree with their version of the story, but you have to understand how they feel about the story. And they have to feel felt. They have to feel that you understand them, even if you might not agree with all of the details of how they're telling the story. And once they feel understood and then they feel accepted for how they feel. So you don't try to talk them out of their feelings with logic. So many of us try to do.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so there's a big difference between something is wrong with you as a person or something is problematic about a behavior that you're engaging in.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And shame is the reason that we have trouble taking responsibility for our role in a story. So if your role in the story is you're not getting the promotion because you actually don't get along well with that coworker, right? The one who did get promoted or your role in the story is the reason people keep leaving you is because you're very needy and you're very suspicious or you don't trust or whatever it is. You know, there's certain behaviors that you have, certain patterns. We don't want to look at that because we feel like if we acknowledge that there is something we're doing, that that's a criticism, that that says something is wrong with us. And it doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It means you're just not aware of a behavior.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The time, like they keep ending up in the same situation different people, different characters, but similar situations. And so maybe they're the common denominator. And so you can ask questions about, well, what do you think happened? And our instinct is humans. We all do this, is to blame something out there. And the reason that it's so much easier to say that the problem is out there is because if we say that there's something going on with us, we have so much shame around that.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. So that's something that both my therapists did with me and that I do with my patients. And I think a lot of it has to do with timing and dosage. And that's why it's hard for friends. And friends often end up falling into that idiot compassion bucket because a friend will come to you and say, oh my God, you know, my partner did this. And we immediately take our friend's side. We immediately say, yeah, that's terrible. Or my boss did this or I didn't get this promotion. And we say, yeah, they don't see your talent, whatever it is. And in the moment, that's not the time to deliver wise compassion because they're smarting from the injury. But I think that you can ask certain questions. Like, you know, what you're trying to get at is, you know, if a fight breaks out in every bar you're going to, maybe it's you, right? So, you know, we see that with our friends all the time.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It feels like to be betrayed? How do I deal with uncertainty? And when we don't talk about these things, our behaviors, our feelings come out in behaviors. They come out in different ways. They come out in an inability to sit still in a short-temperedness, in procrastination, in self-sabotage, in what my colleague likes to call of the internet. She says, it's the most effective short-term non-prescription painkiller out there. So you just sit there and you're like, numbing your feelings by just scrolling through things going down the internet rabbit hole. You know, they'll come out. Those feelings won't go away. And so I think that we really need to get rid of this idea of this hierarchy of pain that you have to meet a certain threshold of pain for it to be dealt with or taken seriously.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's not worth pursuing, it's not worth talking about because other people have such bigger problems. So I'm not going to do anything about it. And then what happens is people land in my office when they're in a crisis. It's like the equivalent of an emotional heart attack. And at that point, first of all, they've suffered unnecessarily for a long time. And also, it's harder to treat because now they're in a crisis. And so I feel like, you know, there isn't a hierarchy of pain. Pain is pain and suffering is suffering. And so that's why, and I remember when I was training, in fact, as an intern, I was like, how will I go from somebody who, for instance, has cancer, right, to somebody who's like, you know, the babysitter's stealing from me or, you know, why do I always have to initiate sex or, you know, one of those kinds of issues? And what I found is that underneath the content are the same kinds of universal questions. How do I trust?”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So that's something that I think is really crucial when we talk about suffering and struggle that so many times we tend to not pay attention to what we're feeling because we immediately want to minimize it because we feel like, well, I have a roof over my head and food on the table. So, you know, this sadness that I'm experiencing, this anxiety, this grief, whatever it is, insomnia, whatever it is, we think, well, you know, really it's nothing. I'll just power through it, stiff upper lip. But we don't do that with our physical health, right? So something feels off in our bodies. We're going to go get it checked out. Let's say you're having like something you feel like a little something in your chest or, you know, you might go to the cardiologist and say like, what's going on before you have a massive heart attack? But what we do with our emotional health is we feel like”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I also think that sharing our stories, we realize that we are all so similar, that we all have, even if the story, the content of the story is completely foreign to somebody, that the emotions, the feelings, the questions, those are so universal. And so when I got up on that stage and I told the story, the audience reaction was profound to me because I felt so unique in my experience and kind of so different for what I had done. And so many people related to different aspects of the story. And it helped them to feel more connected as well.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Just to be clear, yes, absolutely. I'm referring to having the child. Yeah, getting on the stage. I will say something about getting on the stage. I will say that I really believe that so many of us are carrying around really fascinating stories that we don't think are that fascinating. We think our lives are pretty ordinary. But as a therapist, I can tell you that the most extraordinary stories come out of people that are grounded in the ordinary. And so maybe there was something extraordinary about yes, I'm going to go use a sperm donor to have a child. Back then it was very unusual. Now it's much more common.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think that that was probably the most, I would say the biggest risk in life that I ever took. And it was also the best decision that I ever made in my life. And so I think there were those two pieces of it. There was the making a decision to do something with so much uncertainty and then knowing in that deep place of knowing that we all have that it was absolutely a decision I had to make. That I could not go through life and not have done what I did. And so and knowing that there were all kinds of risks and all kinds of downsides and still going through and saying, but I know in every cell of my body that this is the right thing to do.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Sure. So the story that I told at the Moth was about how I became a parent. And it was about the process of being in my late 30s, not having found the person that I wanted to spend my life with, and knowing that I wanted to be a mom and what I had to go through in terms of finding a sperm donor and kind of how surreal that was to think about how do you choose the genetic material for this person who's going to be your child? And what are you even looking for? And so it brought up a lot of sort of existential questions about, you know, nature versus nurture and what this means for this human being who would be this person who would know who this, you know, maybe not ever meet this donor, but have limited information about this person.”
2020-03-19 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #415: Lori Gottlieb — The Power of Getting to *Unknow* Yourself · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT