YouSaid · the spoken record
Matt Abrahams
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- 2024-03-31
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- 2024-03-31
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“Oh, I love that last question. So Matt Abrahams.com, great place to go to to find things. So at MattAbrahams.com, you'll find a whole bunch of resources, my own and others I've curated a bunch of resources. You can find ThinkFast, Talk Smart, wherever you get podcasts and on YouTube. And then the book Think Fast or Talk Smarter is available everywhere. I'm a huge user of LinkedIn. And to answer that last question you asked, I invite people to connect on LinkedIn. I'd love to hear their stories and find ways to collaborate.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, again, I want to go back to how we started the second part about spontaneous speaking. Everybody can get better at communication. And I encourage, I challenge people to take the steps that they need to take to do it. So it starts with initiative. It's followed by grace and compassion, self-compassion. It takes time. But in so doing, you can improve your communication and help others, right? It's not just about you finding your voice. It's about you sharing that voice with others. So taking the time to work on your communication is critically important. And I encourage everybody to do so.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Next time. So that's the appreciation. The amends part is I will work not to do this. In fact, I will wait till you're done and I will actually paraphrase what you said before I contribute my point. So I'm signaling I understand it. And here's the very specific thing I'm going to do to try to remedy it, which of course you can comment on. You can say, no, I don't think that's enough. I think you whatever. Or thank you that I think that's even more than is needed, whatever. So you acknowledge the actual behavior in offense, not how you made the person feel right away. You then express appreciation for the difficulty you might have caused, and then you make amends. And the AAA approach, I think, can really be helpful to people to be better at in the moment apologizing.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, so first and foremost, we need to take the time to apologize. Many of us don't. And when we apologize, we need to make sure that we apologize for the transgression and not for how we made people feel. So often people will simply say, I'm sorry that you feel bad. Well, that's not an apology. You're not assuming responsibility. So we need to first start by talking about the issue that we...”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, you're like, yeah, I mean, you can come up with whatever acronym you want that helps you remember ADD because it adds value.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I challenge every one of your listeners working in companies that have FAQs frequently asked questions, go back to those FAQs and put them in this structure. Not only will it help you digest and get familiar and comfortable with the structure, anybody looking at those answers begins to see that this is a way to give a complete answer. This is how our organization answers questions. And that can be so helpful to building consistency and helping yourself answer better.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I've taught both at the academic world, but also in the corporate world. What this means is I can tailor my material to be relevant and useful to your students. So I answer the question. The question was, what's your experience? 25 years, thousands of students. I then give an example. I've done this in the corporate world. I've done this in the academic world. So I grounded in some something tangible. And then I share the relevance. What this means for you as a dean hiring me is that I'm going to be able to tailor my experience. We often assume that people can connect the dots. If I give my answer, you're going to see, oh, that's why this is relevant and important. But we need to actually connect those dots for our audience. I had a psychology professor once who said, the funny thing about common sense is it's not so common. And we often make the assumption that people will connect the dots. So answer the question, give a detailed example, and then explain the relevance. And if you do that, it will help.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Okay, so I'm going to morph that question because I could just say thousands, which is true. But I'm going to turn it into a question about experience. Because really, what you're asking me is what's my experience So, because that I can give an ADD answer to if it's just a numeric answer, just give a number. So I might say I've been doing this for 25 years and I have taught over thousands of students.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, you look dean. You get to hire me. That's a reasonable question. I mean, you could ask a super hard one, but I want people to hear how ADD works”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Okay, imagine you're hiring me. You're a hiring manager, and I'm interviewing to be what I do for my day job. I'm a lecturer at Stanford's Business School, teach strategic communication. You so happen to have a position open for strategic communication lecturer. I show up. What is a reasonable question you would ask that doesn't just have a yes-no answer? So wait, you see your interview?”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Did I answer your question, right? But I'd much rather you say, did I answer your question? Can I tell you more? Do you have a follow up question? Because if you keep saying, does that make sense? Does that make sense? People are going to start thinking maybe he doesn't make sense because he's always asking. So some pet peeves there. Once the question comes in and you have to answer it, I have yet another structure. This structure is related to the what, so what now what structure. It's called ADD for adding value. You answer the question cleanly and concisely. You then give an example to reinforce the answer. And then you explain the relevance or significance of the answer so people know it. Would you mind role playing an example of this with me, Lenny?”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Again, I always start with approach. Many of us see QA as threatening or challenging. And in fact, we need to see QA as an opportunity. It's an opportunity to extend, expand, connect, learn, even in the most hostile of situations where people are really coming at you with a lot of spice or hot and heavy. You can get a lot of value out of it. So we have to come to the approaches. These questions are opportunities. We have to make sure that we take the question in without interrupting or overvalidating the question. I have two pet peeves about Q&A sessions. One is saying good question to every question. And two, at the end of answering the question, saying, does that make sense? Because in both cases, you're trying to validate the asker when you say good question. You're also trying to buy yourself time and there are other ways to do that. And at the end, when you say, does that make sense, you've got a laudable goal in mind, which is I want to.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So it is so funny. I have not, and I want to. His name comes up more than anybody else's. And I know of his work and his advice. So I might ask you to connect me.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“In any kind of toast situation. So think about emotion. Emotion is a tool to use. The best way to convey emotion in a toast is through the anecdotes you use. The anecdotes reveal the emotion. It's one thing to say, I am so sad. It's another thing to tell a story that is sad. I was very fortunate to interview for my podcast coming up soon a one-panel cartoonist. So she has to create everything in one panel. And her advice is don't tell show. So don't tell somebody you're angry. Show that you're angry in the panel she writes. So showing the emotion through story and anecdote is the way to do it.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, so emotion connects with people. And as long as it's genuine and authentic, it's really important. I've been thinking a lot about emotion and communication. My father recently passed away. And everybody in my family said, well, Matt's going to do the eulogy. I mean, it was like I had no choice because what do I do? I'm the guy who teaches communication. So I felt added pressure, not only to honor my father's life, but like everybody's like, this is the way you do a eulogy. And so I wanted to do some research on what's all the advice out there on eulogies. And there wasn't a lot. So I actually wrote an article on my experience and hopefully it'll help people. But the point is in those circumstances where there's a lot of emotion, it's important because it connects to the audience. It makes it human. But sometimes the emotion can get in the way for you as a communicator. Imagine giving, I mean, I was very concerned that my emotion would cover up or overshadow the honoring I was trying to do of my father. But the same thing can happen.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, and it depends. It depends. Toasts are opportunities for teaching and learning as well, especially in a work environment. So it might make sense to tell a couple anecdotes. I'm a huge fan. I mean, your listeners know you know minimally viable product design, agile development, really critical. What is it about? It's about understanding your audience, your users, and it's about rapidly prototyping and iterating. I believe in minimally viable communication, trademark pending, right? It's the same principles, right? Know your audience, put together a rough draft of what you want to say, test it out. So if you're going to give a big toast in front of a company all.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, yes. So nobody has ever complained about a toast that's too brief. I'm sure it's possible, but the complaints, the majority of complaints are the toast went on forever.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Exactly. So it's typically part of that. You might do it as part of the why we're all here. We're here to really celebrate the Herculean effort of this particular team to get this product launched. I'm so honored to have supported it. I'm the manager of the team. Here's a story about how Lenny work overtime to get this done. Let's raise our glasses and give them a salute. So yes, you could do it in the why are we here or through the anecdotes.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Anecdote or two, and then the gratitude or thanking at the end. And if you follow that structure, it can navigate just like a GPS your way through the toast.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, you might have to say, why are we here? The H is how are you connected to the event? So if I'm at a wedding, people might not know who I am. I could say, hey, I've known the groom for 25 years. People are like, oh, okay, now that makes sense. If you're giving a tribute at work, you don't have to say, and I'm the boss. Everybody knows your position. So again, these are choices you make. So why are we here? How are you connected? The A stands for anecdote. Tell a story or a quick example that is relevant. and accessible to everybody. There's no insider knowledge. And keep it concise. And then ultimately the last part is the gratitude, the thank you. So express gratitude, some kind of thanks in a toast at a celebratory event, you might say cheers or whatever's appropriate for the culture you come from to signal closure. But again, why are we here? How are you connected?”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So we have all been victimized by bad toasts. You know, the toast that goes on too long, the toast that's more about the person giving the toast than the event or the person. And when I say toast, I don't just mean at weddings, bar mitzvahs, quinsenheras. You know, we give tributes at work all the time. Congratulations to the team or somebody's anniversary or somebody's retirement. So we give toasts and tributes all the time. In fact, I heard a statistics once that it is the most frequent public speaking event across people is giving toasts and tributes. So we should learn how to do these well. So I have an acronym. It works. It's called what W-H-A-T. So the W stands for why are we here? Now if I'm at a wedding, I don't have to tell the audience why we're here. We get it. But if we're doing an all hands and I'm called up to speak, it might be in my best interest to share with everybody. I'm here to celebrate the release of this product that that team put out, right?”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Third is the invitation that you make, and then the final is the implications or consequences. I might say this is the third time that you have showed up late to this meeting. I feel you're not prioritizing this meeting the same way others of us are. What can we do to help make sure you show up prepared for the next meeting? Because if you do, we're going to finish the project on time and get a new cool project. information impact invitation and implications. Now certainly I can vary the tone and the directness of some of those responses so it sounds very differently but thinking through in my mind I have to level set what we're talking about. I have to share why it's important to me at least make the invitation and talk about the benefits or consequences makes a lot of sense. So there are lots of structures and lots of ways to communicate especially in feedback. Find one or two”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Knowledgeable on this area. So that's the now what. So, what now what helps me very quickly structure information and package it in a way that helps me as the giver of the feedback think through what are the things I need to say? I need to think through what's bothering me, what it is I think, what the consequences are of that behavior, and then what I think you should do. There's a more robust structure I talk about in the book called The Four Eyes, and each eye stands for something starting with the letter I, but four eyes also like glasses. It helps you see more clearly. So in the four eye structure, the first eye is information. You're just setting the playing field. So the person knows what you're giving the feedback about. The second is impact. And this is impact on you, the feedback giver.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Great. So, you know, Kim, and that your listeners know Kim. Yeah, she's great. Where I think I can add a little value to what Kim talks about, and she does talk about structure, but I think having the structure to package up the information to make it easier to digest by your audience, the person or people you're talking to, but also to formulate your thoughts can help. And we've already talked about one mechanism, one structure for feedback. It's what, so what, now what. So imagine, Lenny, you and I come out of a meeting and you say, Hey, Batt, how'd that go? I could say I thought the meeting went really well, Lenny, except when you talked about the implementation plan. You spoke a little quicker than you did with the other parts and you didn't go into the same level of detail. That's my what? When you speak quickly without a lot of detail, people might think you're not as prepared or you're really concerned about this part. That's the so what. Next time I suggest you slow down and you include these two or three bits of data so that people see you really are”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“First and foremost, we need to look at and define feedback. Feedback to me is an opportunity to problem solve. Certainly there are some behaviors that we absolutely have to shut down. It's inappropriate. And I am a huge disciple of Kim Scott, radical candor. I think what she said, I really like her approach to it. Kim's a friend. She's actually a neighbor.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, absolutely. And you do such a lovely job as a podcast. I mean, so a podcast host is a great job for you if you like asking questions. But I bet you have found, because I have found this for me as being a host of ThinkFast Talk Smart, is that sharing a little bit about your own experience actually makes the conversations go better. So I think that's a lesson for all of us. And you don't have to have your own podcast to learn that lesson”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, well, one thing I mean, all of a sudden you're focusing on you can get so wrapped up in doing these things that you're actually not connecting. It's like people who travel on a vacation and all they do is take pictures of where they are instead of experiencing where they are, right? And that's not where we want to be with this advice.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Smile, not your head, you know, and all of that, yeah, and all of that can sound a little manipulative and inauthentic. But I think some of those principles are important. And if you can in an authentic, true, appropriate way, leverage some of that, I think it will help you.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I know the book. Some of the stuff has been true for a long time. Some of the stuff I'm not a big fan of ingratiation and manipulation. So I like authenticity and some of the advice in books like that can sound like”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, right. The point that you're bringing up there, Lenny, is we're never taught this stuff, right? And yet we have to do it all the time. And that's why focusing on it, I think, really matters. And it can really, as you said, superpower. It can be a superpower because so many people don't do this or spend the time getting better at it. We all operate under this notion of that definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. And that's not good for small talk in other communication situations.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“These subtle things that we can be aware of to help the conversation go and to breed that intimacy and immediacy that we feel, but it takes a congruence, a balancing of doing that.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's a deep and big step that might feel a little inappropriate. But over time, if we continue to disclose, it might be perfectly natural for you to share that. So there's sort of expectations, and we just have to be mindful of those. Another thing we need to be mindful of that I think is really important is this distinction between shifting and supporting responses in a conversation. I can be supportive. That is, you might say, hey, Matt, I just got back from Costa Rica. I could say, oh, great. Did you spend time in San Jose? Did you get to any of the beaches? Those are supporting responses. I'm asking you to keep telling me more. A shifting response would be like, oh, you went to Costa Rica. I went to Hawaii. And the goal in a good conversation is to have more supporting responses than shifting, but to have some shifting responses. Because if all I do is continually support you, it looks like I don't want to share. I'm not being disclosive at all.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And we feel like we're not jiving in that way. I don't want everybody sitting with a little card that they're checking off, but having that general notion in mind can help. And the trick here is not to be too disclosive too quickly, right? So if we start small talk and we're talking about the meeting that we're at and you immediately jump into the fight you had with your significant other that might lead to divorce.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Interesting. We have to spike the ball over the net every time. When, in fact, small talk is more like playing the game of hacky sack, where it's simply just set the other person up to be successful and get the ball back to you. So if we go in with that mindset, it makes it easier. Now, there's some rules that we can follow. One rule is the one that you shared, that in small talk, there should be a balance of disclosure or depth of disclosure over time. So if you're telling me about the first time your first pet died and I'm telling you my favorite color is blue, there's a discrepancy in disclosure there. Clearly, you've revealed a lot more than I have. And we have this notion of reciprocity that if you share something that is appropriate but is more disclosive, that I should at some point match that level or come close. And if we don't, then it feels very often.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, so let me get to that point in a second because that's a more refined point than some general principles. So when it comes to small talk, many people dread small talk. They feel really awkward about it. I think small talk has a bad reputation, needs to be rebranded. I think a lot of big things happen in small talk. We learn about ourselves and others. We form and foster relationships. You know, I challenge everybody listening to think about some of their friends or closest friends. How did you meet them? Probably some component of small talk played a role, especially early in those relationships. So it does good things for us. The best advice I have ever heard for small talk came from a guest on my podcast. Her name's Rachel Greenwald. She's an interesting person. She's an academic and a matchmaker. Really fascinating. And her advice was this, be interested, not interesting. Many of us go into small talk thinking we have to be super.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Absolutely. And many companies sponsor their own Toastmasters boots. Yeah. So that's great. Yeah. And they are very good at easing people into it. You're not forced to do any. And the same is with improv. A good improv teacher never forces anybody.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. So there are, you know, you're not the first person to say that they don't take the time to do that. There are others who say they really appreciate that. And for people such as yourself, at the very end of my book, I have a QR code that takes you to a bunch of videos. So if you don't want to do it yourself, you can actually watch people do it or watch me do it. And so that's at least better than not doing any of it.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Everything is applied. The only way to get better at communication is to do communication, to watch communication. And that's why in the books I write, I have these try this. It's literally put the book down, go do this, and then come back because that's how you learn communication. And so, yes, any avenue to help you get the reps is going to be helpful.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“7 p.m. I've got somebody in Egypt, I have somebody in China. So there are ways to take advantage of things happening at universities without being an enrolled student. So I would point people to all of those. And then clearly listening to podcasts, reading books, checking out blogs and videos can be really helpful.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Absolutely. There are a lot of resources out there. So one, I'm a huge proponent and a former member of Toastmasters. I think Toastmasters is a wonderful organization designed primarily to give you the reps, right? They do some teaching, but it's really to give you the reps. So I highly recommend Toastmasters. Improvisation is another way to get comfortable with these skills. When people hear improv, they think, oh, I got to be funny and it's about performing. And it's not. Improv is really just about being more comfortable. being present and really focusing on collaborating with others. And then there are courses. So you mentioned obviously that people have to be MBA students to take my MBA class. But Stanford and other institutions have continuing studies, classes, or extension classes that are open to the community. So I every quarter teach a class that's open to anybody who registers all over the world. It's virtual. I have students this very quarter who take a class on a Monday night Pacific time.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The best judges of our communication, and in so doing, repetition, reflection, and feedback takes your communication to the next level.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Take a moment and say what was it about? Why is it important to me? And what can I do with that information? And if you do that, not only do you get better and more comfortable deploying that structure, but you also remember the material better because there's a whole bunch of research that says when we interrogate the material that we listen to or read, we digest it and remember it more. So in 30 seconds, you're really helping yourself, at least in two ways, by getting the structure down and remembering more. So you have to put it into practice. The other way to do it, which we do a lot in my classroom, is we have people dissect communication. So you listen to somebody or you see it and they say, what structure did they use? And so it's just about awareness building and then actually getting the reps. The only way you get better at communication spontaneous or planned is the way you get better at anything. Repetition, reflection, and feedback. You got to practice. You got to think about what worked or what didn't. And then you have to get feedback from others. We are not always.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I try to give each structure a catchy name whatsoever. Now it rolls off the tongue. There's a structure in the book for giving feedback called Four Eyes for Apologizing AAA. So part of it is just coming up with a mnemonic that works for you and you can name them whatever you want. But really the way to get familiar with them and to have them at the ready is to use them. So when I coach people on what so what, now what, I encourage them at the end of a podcast they listen to or something they read.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Now, what works really well for a broader presentation update feedback session that you're giving. So having a whole series of these tools in your toolkit can really make a difference.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's right. Yes, I love prep. And the structure I really like is a three question structure. What, so what, now what? And people on product teams, I think, could benefit so much for this. What is your product, your service, your offering, your update, your feedback? It's the why you're speaking. The so what is why is this important and relevant to the people you're talking to or to your company or to prospective clients? And then the now what is what comes next. So on a product team, if you're describing a feature, here's what the feature is. Here's why it's important. And here's what we're doing about it. If you're giving an update in an update meeting, a standup that you're having, here's what I'm working on. Here's why it's important. Here's what I'm doing next. By packaging the information up and what, so what, now what, it becomes much more digestible, much more memorable. Just like prep. Prep works really well for a point you're making.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To think about what to put into it. So it's like having a recipe. And if I have a recipe and I have good ingredients, I can cook a good meal. So there are lots of structures. The whole second part of the book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter, is specific structures for specific situations, introducing yourself, making an apology, giving feedback. And I'm not saying every time you give an apology or give feedback that you have to follow these structures, it just gives you a place to go when you're in that moment where you're like, where do I go? How do I start?”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah. No, I'm old school. I actually put it on a piece of paper. But the point is we're not wired that way. Our brains are actually wired for story, for connection, a logical connection of ideas. So it's about connecting those pieces together. So a structure is nothing more than a beginning, a middle, and an end, a package of information. The structure that almost everybody listening in is familiar with is one that comes from the world of advertising. Most advertisements are set up as problem, solution, benefit. There's some problem in the world. Here's how we solve it with our product or service. And here's how you benefit from it. That's a structure. It's a logical beginning, middle, and end. These items have a connection. So by finding a structure that you can rely on when put on the spot, it halves your burden. When you're put on the spot, you have to think about what to say and how to say it. The structure tells you how to say it. And then you just have to say...”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, structure is critical in spontaneous speaking, most of us, because we feel the intense pressure, the anxiety we just talked about, we just spew out information. We list and itemize information. We take our audience on the journey of our own discovery of what we want to say as we're saying it. In our brains are not wired for lists of information. In fact, Lenny, how many items do you need to buy from the grocery store before you actually have to physically write it down? For me, it's four. Anything over four, I'm going to forget something.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That they've done. So there are lots of analogs to this, but when we think about it in terms of communication, it seems foreign. But when you think about it in athletics or jazz music, it's like, of course you would prepare and practice. So those are the two big underlying principles to helping people get better. The next level has to do with we have to attack both mindset and approach and the actual messaging itself. The only way I have found to help people get better at this is to look at how we approach it, our mindset, and then how we actually craft the messages through structure and focus that help us be better. So that's the gradual process from the broadest level about how we have to go about making this better for ourselves.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Sure. So the first thing in helping yourself feel better speaking spontaneously, which is the vast majority of our communication, the plan presenting the practice pitch, the meeting with agenda pale in comparison to the times that we are spontaneously speaking. And the first thing that is important for everybody to know is we can all get better at it. That's the fundamental bottom line. Many of us feel like we're either born with the gift of Gab or we're not. And so the first thing we have to realize is we can get better at it. The second big point to make is you actually have to prepare to be spontaneous. And that's counterintuitive, but it is through preparation that we get better at it. And if you think about it, if you think about an athlete, you know, when an athlete is doing their sport, they are being spontaneous. They are responding to the conditions that present themselves to them. What helps them do well is all the preparation and practice.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source