YouSaid · the spoken record

Matt Abrahams

lines on the record: 83
first: 2024-03-31
most recent: 2024-03-31
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Well, so the last one I'll say is, and this one is another one that falls in the kind of funny category, but there's research that says that when you swear curse, it actually helps you reduce anxiety. When you curse, you release a flood of neurochemicals that blunt out the neurochemicals associated with anxiety, cortisol being a big one. So you get a big dopamine hit, for example. Serotonin, you know, when you swear. So I'm not saying get up on stage and drop an F bomb. You know, you might, my students love this, right? I mean, it's like Matt's giving me permission to swear. And no, that's not what I'm doing. But it's an interesting technique that seems to help some people is to curse not necessarily in front of people, but that can help. And it also has an analgesic effect. It actually reduces pain as well.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“This is my favorite tongue twister. It takes five seconds to say it's three phrases long. And if you say it wrong, you say a naughty word. So I'm going to be listening as we're all your listeners. Are you prepared? So it goes as follows I slit a sheet”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oriented and to warm up my voice. So that's one that I often recommend. People think it's silly, but I have people who are like, that really works. It really helps me to get centered and to warm up. And so I like that one a lot.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, so the first book had 50 techniques, and not all 50 techniques work for everybody. One that I personally think is a lot of fun is getting present oriented because when I'm in the present, by definition, I'm not worried about the future. And many of our anxiety comes from our fear of a potential negative future outcome. Like, I'm not going to achieve my goal. So if I can do anything to be in the present moment, that helps me out a lot. Something I do as part of my personal anxiety management plan is I say tongue twisters. Tongue twisters for me are a great way to get present oriented. You can't say it right if you don't say the tongue twister. If you're not focused on the present moment. And it also warms up your voice. A lot of nervous speakers get so inside their head that they don't warm up their voice. And we all know if you've ever done any exercise or competed in any sports, you should warm up first. We have this mistaken notion that we can go from silence to brilliance without warming up. And I like saying tongue twisters out loud to get present.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Lots of ways to inhale, lots of ways to exhale. You want your exhale to be longer than the inhale. The magic of the relaxation happens during the exhale. So I have a rule of thumb. I jokingly call it a rule of long. You want your exhale to be twice as long as your inhale. So if you take a three count in, even if you sneak in a little extra air, as we were talking about, take a six count out. And it is that way that you will feel not only will your body physiologically feel less stress, you will be more focused in a present moment and not catastrophizing about all the things that might happen in the future.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. So breathing is very helpful in managing so many of our anxiety symptoms. It slows down the heart rate, makes our voice sound more normal because when we get nervous, we breathe shallow and that changes our voice is a wind instrument. It changes the way we sound. Can we do some of the shakiness? So deep belly breathing, the kind you do if you've ever done yogurt or tai chi, qigong, really important to do. And there are a whole bunch of variations on it. The one you're talking about is the double inhalation where you take an inhale in till you feel completely full and then you sneak in a little extra air and then you take a long exhale. There are things that people call it box breathing and other types of breathing. The bottom line is this. What's critical to the relaxation response is the exhale.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I love this stuff, this research embodied cognition is what it's called, is fascinating to me. I'll share one of my most favorite studies in this. There was a researcher at Duke, I think it was Duke, who's all the only experimental variation that he did is he had people hold something that was cold in their hand, like an iced coffee versus a hot, a warm coffee. And then he asked the participants to make ratings of people. And if you were holding something cold, you saw the person as a colder person, as more aloof and more distant. If you were holding something warm, you saw them as more collaborative and embracing. I find this stuff fascinating. What our body feels, our minds think.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Most people are most nervous one minute before speaking, and the first minute of speaking. And if you can find ways to get yourself through that, then it becomes much easier for most people. There are some people who that's not true for, but for most people, that's the way it works.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Maybe you show them a video or ask them to read something. So there are lots of things that you can do that will help get the attention up for you for just a little bit so that you can then focus on what works for you or take that deep breath. It'll help calm you down. All of these are very useful techniques.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, so we talked about the way we desensitize through visualization. The other thing we can do is distract, right? So I coached a very senior leader at Google who got very nervous when he was up in front of people. And what we did is we distract his audience. So he would start every single presentation saying these words, good morning. Let's watch this video. And he'd show a 30 second video that was on topic about something they were going to talk about in the meeting. And when the video stopped, he would then facilitate a discussion of what that video was about and then he would ease into his content. So he went from being a presenter to being a facilitator or somebody who's having a conversation with the audience. That made him feel so much better. And so all of us can do things that can distract our audience. Now, when I say distract, I don't mean take them on a tangent that's not relevant to what you're saying, but maybe you ask them a question. Maybe you tell them a story.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Is and you state the question, and then you answer it. I am actually having a conversation with myself in that moment where I am asking myself a question. I happen to know the answer. I give the answer. This again, just like the reframing as excitement versus anxiety, this is a refrain. I'm not presenting, I'm having a conversation. And in so doing, it ratchets down that anxiety. So we need to talk about it. We need to share our experiences with developing anxiety management plans. We realize”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“With regard to that, I think we just need to talk about it more. We need to share about it. I mean, I always will share that I still have anxiety in speaking in certain situations, and it's something that's taken me a long time to work on. I also help people understand that it's not a light switch. It's not like you either have it or you don't. It's a process. And so the idea is over time, we will feel less nervous if we apply some of these principles you and I are talking about. A great technique to help people that often isn't talked about is many of us feel much more comfortable in conversation than we do in presenting. And conversation is a back and forth. So you can actually set up a lot of your communication situations, a presentation, a meeting, et cetera, as conversations. And you don't even have to have a conversation with the audience. You can simply have it with yourself. For example, what would it be like if you were to start a presentation by saying today I have three questions I'd like to answer? Question number one is”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like, this is weird. So you're telling me the book was helpful and you didn't read it. So I said, Tell me more. And he said, just knowing that a book like that existed made me feel better because I don't know you. And I know you certainly didn't write the book for me. So it implies that lots of people have this issue. And just by normalizing the anxiety, which, by the way, is the normal condition. Those of us who study this believe it is innate to being human to feel nervous communicating in front of others. So sometimes just reminding yourself that you're not alone and that others have it can actually help reduce the pressure that we feel.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Bonus advice, yes. And the cool thing that you're highlighting is there is a lot of advice out there on how to manage anxiety. Many of us feel like we're the only people who feel this nervous because we see our colleagues, our friends, our TED talks as you were talking about. And we see these people communicating just so effortlessly. Often a lot of work went into that and we don't see that work. And sometimes just knowing that others experience it makes us feel better, if you'll allow me, I'll tell this very quick story. I was in the San Francisco Airport. This was several years ago after my speaking up without freaking out book came out. And my name was called over the PA system at the airport counter. The seat that I was supposed to sit in was broken and they wanted to talk to me about it. So when I came away from that, somebody came up to me and said, hey, you're the guy that wrote that book on speaking anxiety. I said, yes. And I said, what do you know about it? He goes, oh, I bought the book. I said, oh, was it helpful? He says, incredibly helpful, but I didn't read it.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There is a lot of evidence on personifying the things that challenge us and then having conversations with it. And it makes it, it's a way of rationalizing some of the things that we do that are quite negative. So something there for sure to be thinking about.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“They're very personal to different people. I was just coaching a senior leader the other day who his mantra was last time this went well. He's a leader. He does a lot of the same presentations. And just by saying last time this went well reminds him that it's likely to go well this time. We are very susceptible to catastrophizing when we're very nervous about things, especially when we're exposed in front of people, not in the Brady Bunch exposure we talked about earlier. But when we're up there speaking or communicating and simply reminding ourselves that often they go very well is helpful.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Is value people can take from our communication. And we just have to remind ourselves of that. So having some little mantra that you can say that's not over the top, but just makes sense. It could be as simple as you've got this or I'm prepared or I know my stuff. And I actually encourage people to write it on a post-it note if you're old school. Sometimes people put it into their phones as a reminder. So like a minute or two minutes before they're set to give the presentation or participate in the meeting, it flashes up. We just have to turn off or turn down the noise of that internal negative self-talk.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes, thank you. And that's mine, the one that you shared is I have value to add. So if you were to really listen to the voice in our heads when it comes to communication, we say a lot of negative things to ourselves. We say things like, you know, I'm not prepared. I'm not going to be as good as this person. I'm an imposter. We carry around with us a lot of this chatter that actually sets us up to not do well or to be more nervous. So if we can actually change that talk track, it can help us. So I'm not saying you have to go to an extreme and say, I'm going to be the best communicator ever. Rather, you can simply say, as I do, and as you alluded to, what I'll say right before I speak is I have value to bring. Often when we are in communicative situations, especially at work, people want to hear from us. We've been invited to speak. We're on the agenda for the meeting.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Won the lottery. Same physiological response would happen, but you would see that likely as more positive. So how we label the arousal matters and what Allison's research and others have followed up with suggests is that when we feel those symptoms of anxiety, rather than seeing it as negative, see, this is exciting. I get to share my point of view. I get to demonstrate my value. And in so doing, by seeing it as more positive, it causes us by definition to relax and her research fascinatingly found that people actually were perceived as communicating better. And again, that's because the pressure was taken off of them. So I challenge everybody to think about what are the exciting elements of the communication opportunities you have and really lean into those. And when you feel those anxiety symptoms, remind yourself, these are signs of excitement. This is me being excited about sharing this information.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Absolutely. So, this is one of many cognitive reframing techniques. It is often attributed to my friend and colleague, Alison Woodsbrooks. She's at Harvard Business School who did some research into this. And what she found is, well, first, take a step back. When you get physically aroused by anxiety, you're under that fight or flight threat response. It turns out that same response happens to your body when you're excited. The human body has pretty much just one arousal response. Our heartbeats faster. We breathe more shallow. We get a little shaky. But the big difference is how we label that. So if I say, hey, Lenny, guess what? Your colleague couldn't show up today and you need to go teach the class or you need to go give that presentation. You might feel your heart rate go up, get a little shaky, sweat on your brow, and you're seeing that as negative. But if I said, hey, Lenny, guess what? You just.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's exactly right. We are often our biggest impediments to good communication because of the anxiety we bring to the party.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Your brain, in many ways, is like a CPU, a computer. It's not a perfect analogy, but it works. And if I am constantly judging and evaluating everything I am saying against some standard of perfection, whatever that is, it means I have a limited amount of bandwidth to focus on what I'm actually saying and connecting to my audience. If you have a laptop or a phone that has lots of windows and apps open and you are each one of those is performing less well because of the other ones being open. So I often say, strive for connection over perfection by daring to be dull. Just get the task done. Just answer the question. Just give the feedback. Just be engaged in the small talk. And by doing that, you dial down the volume of self-evaluation, freeing up resources that can be used to really help you succeed. So Dare to Be Dull is all about giving yourself permission to just be.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, so I really leaned into this with the spontaneous speaking work that I've been doing as of late, but it applies to anybody speaking. This is a notion that comes from the world of improvisation. And when people hear improv, they often think of stand-up comedy, having to be funny, and that's not what improv is all about. Improv is all about being present, being collaborative, being open. And it's a wonderful tool just to help you get present-oriented. Think of it as like meditation in action, but also it teaches lots of valuable skills for communication. When we communicate, especially spontaneously, we want to do it really well. We want to answer the question with the best answer. We want to give the right feedback. We want to be the most interesting in small talk. And that puts a lot of pressure on ourselves. And you can think of it this way. It's really taxing our cognitive bandwidth.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's correct. Any distance you can give yourself from the anxiety that you're feeling is helpful. And there are lots of techniques that help give you a little bit of distance. And visualization is one of those.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's right. I've done a number and I've done a number of them, and I've coached many people. And I think there's a lot of value that they can provide people.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Physically in the room. And there's good research to say that this desensitizes people. We see athletes do this kind of thing all the time where they'll do visualization to help them. And it really does work. And like I said, they're virtual tools now that can help you do this where you can actually program it to have a certain size audience. You can even program some of these to have a responsive audience or a distracted audience. All of this in service of just preparing you for what you're really going to see. And the bottom line is this. What you're doing for yourself is making sure it's not new and novel. It's something been there, done that, even though if it was virtual or visualized in your mind to help you feel better about the circumstance. It gives you a agency.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, absolutely. So visualization allows, and this is some of the oldest research on public speaking anxiety. It was research done in the 80s. So visualization, what it does is it allows you to see the event in a way that you have much more control over it. So you can think about it. So a good visualization involves some deep breathing to calm yourself. Either you close your eyes or you just look at a picture. Maybe you can get a picture of the environment you're speaking in. I often recommend speakers see the room, even if they're not physically present, but get a picture online or some way envision yourself in the room, envision yourself in the room with the people you'll be speaking to. Often we know the individuals or some of them. We can also go online and figure out who they are. So visualization is a really useful technique. And you see yourself not just in the moment of speaking, but getting up to the stage, delivering the presentation, seeing it being well received, thinking about how you step off the stage. And by taking yourself through that, you in essence are doing a dress rehearsal, even though you're not.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“No, but you know, underlying that, if you'll give me a moment, there is some value, this notion of visualization as a tool of desensitization actually can be very helpful. But you're not visualizing the audience half naked. What you're doing is you're visualizing yourself in that space. You're visualizing the audience responding to you and what you're saying. So just like a pilot might do a flight simulator, having a visualization can actually really help you feel more comfortable and confident. It literally puts you in the room even though you're not there. And there are some tools. And I'm fascinated by these tools that are virtual reality tools that can also serve to desensitize you. So this notion of seeing your audience in advance of actually speaking can actually impact your level of comfort. It's let's keep everybody clothed and let's keep them all focused on your topic.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The Brady Bunch advice is not good advice. I don't know about you, and I don't know anybody who could imagine seeing a bunch of people in their underwear and feel more comfortable with that. And I think if you do, there are other issues you need to be dealing with beyond speaking anxiety.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Absolutely. I look forward to that. And those are topics I'm very excited to talk about, have done a lot of research in, and look forward to sharing more.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Strive for connection over perfection by daring to be dull. Just answer the question. Just give the feedback. Just be engaged in the small talk. By doing that, you dial down the volume of self-evaluation, freeing up resources that can be used to really help you succeed.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Actually, you have to prepare to be spontaneous, and that's counterintuitive. But when you think about it in athletics or jazz music, it's like, of course you would prepare in practice.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Visualization is a really useful technique, and you see yourself not just in the moment of speaking, but getting up to the stage, seeing it being well received, thinking about how you step off the stage. We see athletes do this kind of thing all the time. And there's good research to say that this desensitizes people.”
2024-03-31 · Lenny's Podcast · How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source