YouSaid · the spoken record

Peter Crouch

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137
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2022-11-17
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2022-11-17
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  1. Yeah, like it's so weird. Like I went to football then, like, straight away. Then you actually think, hold on a minute, that doesn't matter, does it? We're scared I've been is when you have a scare in the family. Without doubt.

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  2. I had my family and we were fortunate obviously to be in a nice house and I just thought. We are incredibly lucky, even if we don't have anything, we've got each other, you know, and I think that was, I think it's the most scared when you have a scare with someone close to you, which we have had. And you get through that. That's the most scared of it.

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  3. It's difficult. I think I've been in situations where. None of this matters, does it? Let's be honest. I'm thinking about football terms. I was thinking straight away, I went to, what about when I didn't score and I did this when I wasn't going to make it as a football? None of that matters, does it? Your family's the most important thing. And when you have a scare, Personally or one of your close people, your wife or your kids has an issue. That is when you're the most scared that you'll ever be, and I think, you know, I've had, I've had those worries. And that's when you really realize what's important. Obviously, when the The pandemic, and we were in lockdown and that kind of thing, and you realize actually none of it matters. You know, like it was just, it was.

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  4. He's the kind of thing I. I love to see. And I watched it. I watched it recently. I think he was on John from Ross. And he was brilliant. Like, he's hilarious. And he looks like he wants, he's enjoying what he's doing. And, you know, he's himself. And I think that is what I'm doing. And I'm thankfully people are hopefully enjoying.

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  5. Or have a laugh at themselves. And that is something Navy that has set me apart that I'm aware of from other players. And that is not me being contrived or, you know, trying to force an agenda. I think anyone who has played with me over the course of 20 years will say to you, this is the person that they knew in the dressing room. But I think I'm able to showcase that a little bit more by being less guarded because I haven't got a football club telling me to not. Talk too much, or you're a footballer. Shut up, like, now I can do whatever I like. Fortunately, I've been in a position where both the general public or fans that are buying into what I'm doing are enjoying it. And for as long as they are enjoying it, I'll continue to do it. And when they're not, I'll fuck off.

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  6. Spot on. You know, I sort of, my kind of humour and being able to laugh at myself was a self-defense mechanism when people were trying to take the mick out of me. I would take the mick out of myself in a better way than they were about to do. So that makes me self-deprecating. And I think that is very uncommon for a footballer to be self-deprecating. It was groundbreaking. And I don't think it should be. Let's be honest, I think it was a bit, you know, not many players that play for England let their guard down at any point or want to criticise themselves.

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  7. Well, I feel like it's also reminded in some way you go, like, you have the end goal. But like you say, these missed opportunities. Like I did the book, I did the podcast and things took off and then opportunities come off the back of that. And as long as those things are going well. Opportunities will continue to come, and then you might find that you enjoy something else or a different avenue, and that is Where I'm going, I'm on a journey that I have no clue where it's going, but I'm enjoying it. And along may it last.

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  8. I haven't got a motive or a plan. I'm just living each day and enjoying each day that I'm given. And I feel like I'm blessed in the situation that I'm in. But this is the most genuine thing I can tell you. I don't have a.

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  9. I don't want to come on here, diarrhea of a CEO, right? And everyone's got a goal, everyone's got a purpose, everyone knows what they're going to do. I have to be honest with you, I don't have a goal. I don't have, I don't want to be doing this in five years or that in five years. My goal was achieved. All I wanted to be was a football player. All I wanted to do was be do it at any level every single day. And then I felt like I did that. I achieved it. I achieved more than I ever thought I would. And now everything is, you know, that is happening to me is things that I'm enjoying and their roots and avenues that I'm taking. But there's no particular goal. And I know that might be difficult. To understand, but I just can't

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  10. Yeah, like I say, I'm finding my feet. I have no clue. I had no clue where I was going to go. I didn't know what angle to go for. I'm doing things because I enjoy them. And when you say what is your goal.

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  11. Obviously, I mean, some of the things that we've been getting up to has been a lot of fun. And some of the knockbacks that we've had have been priceless because we're asking things that Wembley Arena has never seen before. But yeah, honestly, I can't tell you how much fun the last one was and if it's half as good, it'll be a great event.

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  12. That's the thing. We don't promise anything. Okay, so you need to say anything. We literally don't say a word to anyone. And we've got.

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  13. Wembley Arena, yeah, so I mean, we've probably beaten off more than we can. I'm not going to lie to you. But yeah, great guests and looking forward to it so much.

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  14. It was so much fun. Yeah, well, the thing is, like, people buy tickets and not have a clue what they're letting themselves in for. It is one of the best things that we've ever done. And we just thought we'd scale it up this time. Last time we had Liam Gallagher on, we had Catherine Jenkins singing the Champions League anthem with a fella that wrote the Champions League anthem, spoke to us. Tom Grenan knew me at six. We had people dressed as referees, fancy dress. It was absolute carnage. And yeah, now we're at Wembley Arena. We've scaled it up.

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  15. When is enough enough? It's a difficult one because I think it's for me it's about the work but it's about enjoying it and if it stops being fun then I think that's the time to call it quits.

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  16. Yeah, good, good. Yeah, like I would never. I don't think I'd class myself as ever as having problems. I've had issues that I've had to manage personally. Like everyone has, I think, but I'd say I'm in a good place. I just need to get the balance right between this new field that I'm in, if you like, and family life. I need to get the right balance where I'm working enough to sort of satisfy that hunger to keep going and not miss what is important. which is my kids which I at the door and I want to see grow up and I want to be at the forefront of that I want to be hands-on you know so got to try and work that balance out somehow

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  17. Yeah, I'd say so. I mean, listen, I'm not an expert on this field. I wouldn't say I'm an anxious person. Like I say, I'm a glass half full kind of person, but I would say, of course, like in football in terms, of course, I was anxious. I was snatching at chances. And was I anxious off the field? Yeah, couldn't switch off from it, couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't sleep. Yeah, I wouldn't have been able to sleep certainly after games. But I found that difficult anyway, that the kind of buzz that you get from playing a match under the lights, especially is so difficult to sleep after, I don't think physically impossible at times.

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  18. So that was obviously something that stood me out. And then I had to work on my heading because I was incredibly tall, but I didn't have to jump as a young lad. And then when you get to play professional football, you then realize that, you know, people are going to drum, they're going to beat you in the air. And it looks ridiculous if you're six foot seven and you're losing headers. So I had to work on my heading. And obviously it's determination. It's the will to succeed. It's the desire. ability to deal with knockbacks that stand you out probably from the rest.

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  19. Listen, I had ability. I felt like I was a good player and I worked on that. That was something that if I was going to be tall, I wasn't going to be this what everyone thought I was going to be, you know, which was that big target you can lump the ball up to. I wanted to have technical abilities. I worked on that. I constantly worked on that.

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  20. Yeah, me personally, yeah, I opened up about, yeah, looking different a bit, you know, like and getting heckled and... Being sort of that impressionable teenager and sort of dealing with that kind of pressure of looking different, if you like. Bizarrely, that's become sort of like my superpower now. It's become sort of me. It's like... Unrecognizable. I think people understand all my insecurities, if you like, have been what has probably made me successful in the stuff that I've gone on to do.

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  21. And I think sometimes when you read things and you look at things, like I say, it's that thing of playing football and not realizing that they're actually on a human level. He's just a fella that's lost his mom and has struggled with that over time.

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  22. No, that was the royal team talk. We opened up, it was me. Thierry Henry Danny Rose, who was quite open with his mental health problems. Sheriff South I think Dan Walker was the presenter, and Prince William. And like when you actually get like a group of lads there talking, Prince William wasn't Prince William, you know? Sherry Homri wasn't Cherry Henri, it was just a group of blokes talking and Prince William was talking about bereavement and you think, you know, oh my God, I don't know. It's like that's not real. It's like not real life. You think actually when he's sitting there, he's just a lad, he's lost his mum, right? Yeah, like It was an amazing talk because you're not seeing her as Princess Diana and you're not seeing him as the future king of England. You're seeing him as a man who's struggling, who's lost his mum.

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  23. Yeah, I mean, I found it really difficult to, I'm one of those people that keep everything aside, right? I wouldn't talk about it. I see Abby every single night, like picking up the phone to her friends and chatting about anything. I mean, I just don't do that. I wouldn't dream of picking up the phone and talking about a problem. But since these kinds of things that I've done, since that podcast, since I've done various, you know, the November campaign, I've worked with them. I've worked with... Various kind of men's mental health charities. And it does make you think. And I have started doing more stuff. I have started, you know, reaching out to my friends and you realize actually that people aren't always, people say they're always all right, but they're not. That's something I've realized.

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  24. So, I think he wanted to tap into sort of our audience that would be very much don't show any weakness. You know, that football world, if you know what I mean. So, yeah, I think that was something that he wanted to touch base with. I'd done something with him called a... A team talk, I think it was a royal team talk, I think it was called on BBC, and we talked about mental health and stories and football. That's the first time I shared my issues as, you know, I never ever talked about anything. I was one of those people that kept everything. So yeah, it was a nice, it was great, it was a great experience for us as a podcast. And I think hopefully it helped a few people as well

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  25. You have to man up, you know, like there's this stigma. And I think that this is why sort of the target audience for Prince William and his heads, I think his heads together or heads up charity for mental health is targeting the right people, if you like, the people that don't speak out.

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  26. Obviously, without the difference story, it was funny, but with Prince William, we made it happen and we ended up going to the Kinson Palace, which was an amazing day out because we took our group of lads and we had a beer over the road while we went in. Prince William, I talk about the Samra, you know, the Indian restaurant that I go. I used to go to with my mates as a kid. And when Prince William brought in the delivery and put it down, and I was thinking, if my mates, we used to go there as kids, my family, and he's doing this. It was just so surreal. But like you say, we got to talk about a range of topics. And I suppose, you know, certainly in football, there's a lot because there's a stigma in football of, you know, it's very macho and you have to, you know.

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  27. A point with you on the podcast. There are points in this podcast. Like, obviously, where it all started from, I didn't have, you know, I was just telling a story. I don't know what a podcast was. You know, obviously now I know that, you know, there's a huge industry of things, but I was just talking literally as I was talking to how I would talk to my mates. And obviously, yeah, we built up like a big following. And then people started calling us about coming on. And that was a call we had from the palace was, I promise you, was. There was one point that was like we had Elton John had called and Prince William had called, not personally, but their team of people had called us about coming on.

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  28. And I'm going to a pub in town to record with lads that I get on really, really well with and just talking football. I suppose that is the, you know, for a lot of people, certainly in my world, that is the ideal job. I feel very fortunate I've got it.

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  29. They feel like they're in there with us, you know, and it feels like obviously this is a different kind of podcast, you know, more serious, more enlightening, maybe. But I try and take people inside the world of what it's like being a footballer. And it's a mad, funny world. And of course, it's lighthearted, but hopefully it's a little bit informative as well. And when I say I love doing it, it's genuinely the most fun. When I say to Ab, I'm going to work, She's like, are you joking? I'm leaving with the four children

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  30. Yeah, I suppose that is our thing. I think it was a reflection of me. It's what I like to do. So, and I think, I suppose we could now, because things have gone well, upgrade our setup a little bit. But it feels like we need to stay where we are. We love being in the pub. We like, you know, having a bit of a drink while we do it. And it feels certainly during lockdown, you know, we have lots of comments from listeners and people writing in.

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  31. I think it would be easy to say that. I don't know, like there's a misconception of maybe footballers' wives that you know they just relax all day and, you know, she's so driven and she drives me, to be honest. And she's, I run all my decisions past her. And I don't think a lot of people know that about her, but she's on it. And, you know, so that's good in the fact that if we go for a walk together, we'll have some quality time together, but we both won't switch off together. You know, like we're still bouncing ideas off each other, and I'm glad that I can have someone like that.

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  32. It's not quite worked out that way, but she knows I'm passionate about what I do. I love what I do now. And I'm still involved in football, which I love. You know, like I say, I do the podcast that I absolutely love doing and various other bits and pieces come up. And I'm in a fortunate position. I know I'm in a fortunate position to be able to pick and choose the stuff that I do. And I do it purely for enjoyment. And of course, you know, I try and make it the best it can be and so I can earn off it. But the main focus was the same as my football career really was to do something that you enjoy. And I'm lucky in the fact that I can still do that.

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  33. Doing what I'm doing When I sold her, like, we began the gym every day, you know, little juices and rivers. We'll be on dog walks. I said, you know, we're just Rome, yeah, we'll go quality time.

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  34. Yeah, if I'm finding the balance really tough. Really tough Obviously, you know, speak to others about this as well because I struggle. Like, I'll have one week where I'm constantly on the go. And then one week, you know, a little bit quieter. But yeah, I sort of sold her the dream of retirement as being retirement and it hasn't quite worked out that way because I love.

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  35. So true, though. I honestly like with football. You are told where to be what to do at all times until you're on the football pitch, but even something like that as well. You know, your manager's telling you what to do. But I quite liked it in some ways. But obviously the freedom is great in other ways. You know, like I have at Christmas now I can spend time with the kids if I choose to have a week off at it.

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  36. Now I do. I came straight from school to people, they used to take our passports off us. We weren't even allowed to, they didn't trust us enough to get ourselves to the airport. That's our football is. Everything's done for you so you can purely concentrate on football. And I quite like that in a weird way because you solely focus on one thing. Whereas now there's lots of different things that I do

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  37. I don't think I've had that, and I feel really lucky because I know so many players that I've really struggled since they retired. But I feel so lucky in what I'm doing now. I'd love to sit here and I've got to be honest with you. I haven't had that. What I don't like is... Not having that structure, like, for instance, I know exactly where I'm going to be on September the 16th, on February the 12th. I know where I'm going to be. I know where I'm going to be training. Now, I couldn't tell you what I'm doing next week. Like things come up, things change. I don't like that. I like I've been institutionalized, if you like. I like getting told on a Monday we do this. I don't want to It was I suppose for 20 years I didn't have to grow up.

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  38. A little bit, yeah, to the other side, if you like, and like I say, the book and the podcast just went bang and I just got propelled into a world in the media, really.

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  39. Waking up on that Monday because every player that I've ever played with just says to me like when you retired like you've forgotten like that it's difficult it's hard to get your head around it keep playing as long as you can you always hear these horror stories so I was so worried about it I just thought right I need to do everything now before I retire and I think it was the best thing I ever did was to stay was to do things while I was still playing to test things out and see what I want to go into and

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  40. But I've got them on the wall, and I look back and I've got some pictures on there and I look at the moments and I think they were some great times. But like I say, life moves quick and I love what I'm doing now and I've gone straight into doing other things. And I was very conscious of that. Like I planned a little bit of that. I planned while I was still playing I did the podcast and I did the first book that I did. And I did my coaching badges as well. So my coach, I thought, you know, maybe I'll be a manager. I didn't know. But I just basically was so scared of...

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  41. Yeah, you know what? Like, We had sort of like a bit of a retirement video, if you like, and I've got together a load of X players and managers that I played with, which was nice and made it. Disgust at length My career, I mean, life's too busy, isn't it? You know, like I look at, I've got a wall like you have and a few sort of accolades, matchballs, England caps on the wall, only in one particular room. I only allowed like a little dungeon room.

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  42. I don't think he missed many handful of those 600, 700 right from when I was a kid. So, yeah, it was like a comfort blanket when I saw it, and he would watch me not even at kickoff, he would watch me, he would be the first in the stadium. I would walk out at... Before the warm up, and I'd see him, I'd always see him, you know, six foot five, I'd always be able to see him. And he'd give me a little wave and he'd watch how warmed up. And then after the game, he'd even say, like, I knew he'd have a good game in the warm-up because he'd always watched even the warm-up.

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  43. Yeah, my dad was there that day, yeah. And, you know, he was the one because he was there every single, I don't think he missed a game. And he was part of my superstition. He was part of. If I didn't see him before a game, I feel unnerved. You know, like I'd feel like where is he? And don't get me wrong, there were times where I was on the bench towards the end and he got a season to get QPI. Deservedly so, you know, I didn't want to put him through that, but it was, yeah, I mean, he was with me every step of the way.

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  44. In an era that was full of great players, I managed to play for England and, you know, I probably exceeded what I thought I could ever achieve. So always look back on it fondly when people ask me. Do you miss it? No, I don't miss it. I cherish the moments that I had.

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  45. Didn't often come to the games now. I didn't play much. So they all came and it was nice because I knew no one else knew, but I knew that it was my last game of football, it was against Arsenal at Burnley. And all the family came on. And, you know when he walked around the pitch at the end, and I've got a picture at home on the wall of me and it was three kids we had at the time got four now, believe it or not. But the three of us on the pitch and a lovely picture of me walking out is my last game of professional football. I must have played 600, 700 games. It was my last game. I knew it, but no one else did. But yeah, a lovely pitch, lovely moment. And then it just sort of comes flooding in that it's over. 20 years I played. I left school at 16. I retired at 38. 22 years every day of my life doing something that you loved. I look back on it with such fond memories. I was so lucky to have played

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  46. Yeah, I was lucky I got the opportunity to get out of that dressing room that I was in at Sloke, which was difficult. And I got the opportunity to play for the exact opposite at Burnley. And I finished in the Premier League. And I knew that I was done that season because I was on the bench a lot and there was players playing ahead of me that I knew should have been ahead of me. And I thought to myself, I am just a plan B now. I'm coming on at the end of games and I still felt fit. I still felt I could have an impact, but I knew inside my own head. So I told my family, I told Abby and I told the kids who were still very young. And we all went to the game. So they didn't all come, a young baby, you know.

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  47. Didn't want to, right? So these are the standards I'm talking about. So you've got to. That's you've been asked to do it. You don't pick and choose whether you do it or not. But that was allowed to happen anyway. It happened again. Anyway, this particular player said, right, because he hasn't run after the game, we're all in on Sunday, right? So the whole team coming on Sunday. This was supposed to be our day off. So we're all in training, and the particular player didn't turn up. For training, right? So we're all in because of him. And he doesn't turn up. So, I mean, you can imagine what the lads are like, but just little, I say little things. I mean, that was a big thing, but just standard slipping and listen, you know, it all ends. Everyone knows where it ends, ends badly.

    2022-11-17 · The Diary of a CEO · Peter Crouch Opens Up About His Dark Times & Crying Himself To Sleep · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  48. Yeah, that was exactly what happened. There were certain things that were let go, and you're like, whoa, and then you feel like you can get away with more. And there was a certain thing you'd have to run after a game if you didn't play. So at that time, I was on it, I was 37 years old. You know, I was sometimes I was on the bench and I'd be out there running. And, you know, there was a younger player, not out after the game doing this fitness work. I came in. I'm like, what's going on? Why am I 37? I'm out here running after a game and this 25-year-old is not, which I didn't want to.

    2022-11-17 · The Diary of a CEO · Peter Crouch Opens Up About His Dark Times & Crying Himself To Sleep · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  49. I couldn't believe it. It's 30,000 people in a stadium, right, that paid to watch us play, and you've given up. And I know it's horrible, those games. They're horrible. But at least you got to do is run round. And that's when I knew we were in big trouble.

    2022-11-17 · The Diary of a CEO · Peter Crouch Opens Up About His Dark Times & Crying Himself To Sleep · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  50. Exactly right. Unless our friends with Ria speak to him about that time, it feels similar, feels similar in some ways, like too many doing what they want. Just being late, or little things like that, like being late, being late on the training pitch, being late for games, you know, not wearing the right suit or not wearing the right track suits of games, wearing whatever they want, you know, wearing caps when you're not supposed to, just little things like that makes you become lax. And we might go a goal down, two goals down. And you can see players sort of, you know, waving their arms around and not tracking back. And I remember asking a particular player Stop trying, you stop working, and he said, Yeah, I said, What? He said, I did, yeah. I said, why? He said, we were three down.

    2022-11-17 · The Diary of a CEO · Peter Crouch Opens Up About His Dark Times & Crying Himself To Sleep · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT