YouSaid · the spoken record

Barbara Coloroso

lines on the record: 154
first: 2018-10-30
most recent: 2018-10-30
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Kids are worth it. They are worth our time, our energy, our resources to help them be all they can be because that's what matters.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You can deal with life lessons, but really there are things your parents don't know. It's probably best that your kids don't know either. And yes, there was a real teachable moment in it, you're getting your kid out of the local jail and you ended up there once too, you know, sharing that with them. But in a way, we can get through this and the like. And I'm here for you kind of thing. But telling about all your experiences with drugs and the... Probably isn't the best idea. So, you know, we learn from those things. There are things you don't have to share. There's oversharing. And we want them to feel good about their sexuality, wherever they fit on whatever spectrum there is. And to be open to them and let them know that we love them, that we're here for them, that they are who they are.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so iteration was reading our bodies ourselves, which I gave to my daughters when they were 15 and 16. But now there's a lot out there seek it out, ask for help, use your programs that you have in your community that will help you. But being honest and open, remember, if your kids can tell you. And I also, while we're on that with drugs and sex, you don't have to tell them everything you did wrong.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We know it does. We know it does on relationships. So, you know, as an adult, your brain is fully developed. Theirs is not their own sexual identity, their sense of self in relation to other human beings is not. So it has really devastating effects. And so we need to be tuned into those kinds of things. And again, age appropriatability appropriate, what their interests are. They do need to know how their body is developing. And if you're uncomfortable with it or you're not sure, or my generation, my mother didn't know the words, all the proper body parts because they never used them. And they were never told what they were.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They're hearing things, they're able to see things online that you and I were never exposed to for good and for ill. There's good stuff that kids are finding out and it's through media. But there's also some stuff that's not healthy. Dr. Phil Zabardo did some amazing work. He did the Stanford Prison Experiment, but he also did a TEDx talk and you can look it up under Phil Zimbardo, I guess the name of the talk, but it's about our young boys and what pornography is doing to them and why it's so dangerous, the kind that's out there today and what it does to their sense of relationships with the real world young girls that they hopefully will fall in love with.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Get away from that so that they can normally develop just like development of everything else, the frontal portion of their brains, their emotions, and then become tuned in to that unage where they're unable to be an adult and unable to be a child and wanting desperately to be both. And that's that 13 through 15 years. And those are hard on everybody, including the kid. The wonder years weren't so really wonderful when it comes to their identity, their self-identity, their sexual identity, and asking lots of questions and be open. You can honestly say, I'm going to have to look that up or talk to me about why it's important for you to know that right now. And it's being open and talking to them.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“and then get some help there's some good programs out there um i know my uh oldest granddaughter is 11 and the hospital actually had several sessions for moms and daughters to attend and fathers and sons to attend about your changing body and they had it well developed and it provided an environment of lots of girls and lots of women and lots of boys and lots of men to help kids talk about this and use those kinds of resources. And then when they notice their bodies, notice see if one is developing earlier than other girls. And do you need to get a little sanitary pack and have that ready? So you're ready and she won't be afraid to tell you that she started her period or mom, I want abroad. We've sexualized our young children and we've got to.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“For taunting and sexual bullying, you're very similar. So that's why I said we have to start young. So it isn't just dropping in the talk. Being open, when a kid asks a question about sexuality, you're driving in the car and you're eight-year-old says, Daddy, where did I come from? And your mind's going, where do I start? Where do I start? And you start talking about, well, mom and I loved one another. And he says, no, no, is it New Jersey or New York? You know, finding out where the kid's coming from and not be upset when they bring something up. If they use a gross sexual term to stop them in its tracks, because that's mean and cruel.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Taunting is laughing at somebody. So if we can start about age five talking to kids about the difference between teasing, which is a mutual thing, it's lighthearted, clever, and benign. It's only a small part of your relationship. And both parties are laughing and taunting, it's one-sided, it's a small, it's the only part of the relationship you have. These bigoted comments thinly disguised as jokes in teasing when the other person appears distressed, we stop in taunting, we keep going. So if we teach them that, then by fourth grade, we can start talking to kids about the difference between flirting, which is normal, natural necessary to keep the human race going, and sexual bullying, which is none of those because the checklist for teasing and flirting is very similar.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Eight and nine, I went. No, we start even younger. We start giving them the proper terms. We talk to them about limits and boundaries, just like we talked about limits and boundaries in every other part of their lives. The sexuality is an integral part of their being so that instructions, how do we treat them, how do we treat their bodies, how do we talk to them when they're real, real young about proper words. Then as they're getting older and we're seeing puberty drop with especially our young girls today. And so the talk, quote unquote, has had to come earlier. But if we couch it in being free about talking about our bodies properly and talking about that we don't violate somebody else's space, and then we can start talking about the difference between teasing and taunting, you say, but what does that have to do with sexuality teasing is laughing with somebody?”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I was sorry younger using the proper words. Very young. A little three-year-old in the grocery store, mommy by vagina itches, people are going, you know, and we have 105 words for penis, 125 for breasts and one for ankle. You know, we have to start young, teaching kids to use their proper words. I want a little boy to say that there's something my penis feels funny. And instead of using all these euphemisms, we sausage and bacon or twigs and berries and all the different words that we use. Junk, family jewels to use them. And you say, but why? Well, when they reach middle school, they won't be calling one another slud horror fag queer bitch, which are derogatory sexual terms. So we start young. You said, well,”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Play something to soothe and back to sleep. And we do know that for some kids it can become addicted. So we have to look at the deadening consequences and what's so wrong with all the violence, whether it's online or offline.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And violence is not a solution. Like Liz Locher said, conflict is inevitable. Violence is not. And it sets other people up as adversaries, praise, or targets rather than people that we need to communicate with. That Martin Buber's eye and now in our common humanity, I and you are thou. I'm unique. You're unique. And we have a lot in common. It does, we know it to be true, military abuse. It breaks down our natural inhibition to killing. It also does something that neurologists have found out and neuroscience. It creates neural pathways that connect violence with pleasure and rewards rather than sadness and sympathy and fright. And that ought to scare us all. And it's non-stop stimulation. It can provide comfort and becomes a source of soothing. We have young people waking up at night having to get online to”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Safe with unfamiliar surroundings with familiar people. And that's not always true. And when you have those video games, there are pluses. It does draw them into intricate systems where they learn to play and interact with one another. It does strengthen eye-hand coordination. Ask surgeons. They use it. Quick thinking and cooperation and imagination and problem solving. And some of the games can invite kids to be thoughtful and caring and come up with solutions to quandaries or dilemmas like SimCity. And the UN has developed some wonderful games for that. But there are probable negatives as well. When you're playing a video game, it requires little more than quick aggressive, violent responses to perceive threats. You see something pop up right away. You've got to respond. It glorifies violence as a legitimate solution to problems.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They imitate that violence that they see and hear. They also, some of them. For some, they become easily intimidated or depressed because it's online and offline for them. Others become fearful and distrustful of others. Oh, that really creates community. And I think one of the most important things that happen is they miss their natural healthy fear clues. Our bodies want to keep us alive. And if they become fearful, full of fear, they don't get tuned into things that should bother them. Little ones will say, I don't want to go to Uncle George's because they're listening to their little gut saying it's not a good place to be. And we don't live. But if they're fearful of stranger danger, which drives me crazy because we usually have to go to a stranger if we need something or if we need help. Then they miss their fear clues. And they're often lulled into thinking that they are.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“School, and we're on our phones. Do we get off our phone so that they can communicate with us and say, how was your day? And the kid walks in head down, shoulders down in a fine. This isn't fine, but I want to go back here just a moment. The deadening consequences, what's wrong with all this violence? Real or imagined acts of violence tend to cultivate a sense of danger, of mistrust, of alienation and gloom in our kids. None of what our kids need today. And children who are regularly exposed and engaged in media violence, and that isn't just the gaming, but media violence in general, they're more likely to become desensitized to real-life violence. So they won't see other kids at school being mean to another kid as such an awful thing. When it really should, their guts ought to say this is awful. One of the scary things is”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What's happening in kids' lives and in their minds and are willing to look at it objectively. And now I think we are seeing some good research on that. But I think it's critical that we take a serious look at what's wrong with all the violence that kids are being exposed to. And if we can do that, then I believe we can show kids that, you know, violence in our homes. I don't care. Maybe it's the way we treat one another. It isn't just the online, but how do we speak to one another in our homes as adults? How do we speak to one another when we're talking to our neighbors? How do we correspond? Are we always online? And if we're always online, when a kid walks into school from”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so I have a problem with that with young kids, the frontal portion of their brains are not fully developed. There's a lot wrong with that for young people. Now I probably get a lot of grief and people saying, oh, there's nothing that bad about it. But in my book, just because it's not wrong doesn't make it right. I talk about the whole issue of what's so wrong with all this violence and violent video games. It isn't just that one. And again, there's people who will say, well, the research has said that it's not that bad. Well, let's look and see who did the resource, a research for it. And when we find out who did it, if it's the people developing the games, you know, that's going to be skewed. If it's people who are truly concerned about”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“World history, my own life's history. I work in Rwanda with orphans from the 94th genocide. I see what happens with hateful rhetoric is a short walk to hate crimes, to crimes against humanity. And I also look at the good research out there about what happens with all that violence. Any violence our kids are exposed to, whether it's online or offline, become a part of their worldview. And we need to be tuned into that.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm not a real fan of censorship, but age appropriate and ability appropriate. And I believe that game was developed for older. There is an online program where somebody has developed a form of that that young kids, and this is something parents need to be aware of in the robots where kids go online and get invited by friends and they thought they may parent may think their kid is just playing good games here because oh no somebody's communicating with them somebody else is inviting them to talk oh what is this well somebody did a form of fortnight that doesn't have any of those restrictions on it and you can have a five-year-old seven year old six year old playing it now i know there are parents who have actually hired coaches so their kids can get better at it and they've hired coaches themselves so they can beat their sons or daughters at it i got serious concerns about it because i have i and part of it's my own”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it frightens me because, and people say, oh, don't be such a funny daddy, but I know the research behind what military has done to help break down the barrier for killing someone. And it's that same kind of thing, breaking down those barriers, those innovations. Kids are becoming desensitized to offline.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Have merged to create the real world for our young people today. I'm 70, I spend a lot of time trying to keep up. Fortnite is now a popular thing.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's a on cyberbullying. It's called David's Log. You can look it up in the Texas state legislature. It's one of the first to deal with holding kids accountable if they tell someone to kill themselves, as had happened to David, if they demean or harass someone on the web to hold them accountable. And our laws have not caught up. And so parents have a kid being relentlessly tormented. And what do we do? We can't take it into our own hands as much as we'd like to, but the law says they haven't breached a point. Well, now they have. And it's, you know, what different degrees of offenses there. So, you know, we need all of us to help keep our kids safe. The online offline worlds, we used to talk about the real world and then the online world. Well, we can't use that language anymore. It's online off.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Sometimes kids will hide behind the anonymity of the net. But other times people say, well, it's that anonymity. No, sometimes they can hardly wait to get to school to see how the targeted kids responding to their vile comments to her the day before when they've used their full names because there's nothing going to happen to them. Now I was a part of developing David's law in San Antonio, Texas, drafting that law for cyber issues because I think he was this. What is that?”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh no, I would, I would. It's appropriate to build appropriate again. But he goes to Google and Twitter and Yahoo and the latest app producers and Facebook and says, you've got to help us out. You've got the money. You've got the resources. You need to help keep our kids safe because educators and parents cannot do it alone and the police department will be overwhelmed. And so we need to be able to have that conversation and demand that these companies that are developing these tools help us help our kids be safe. It's more the issue of safety, but also we have an obligation to teach our kids to be savvy about these tools, not be used by them, but to be able to use them effectively and civil. Probably civil is the most important.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so he was so angry. He started the Red Hood project that you can subscribe to, but his whole push is that, yes, teachers and parents can help keep kids safe.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so do we educators, both of us do. But I also feel very strongly Rafi, the singer, started the Red Hood project. Rafi Beluga the Whale was one of his famous songs. After a young girl had killed herself after being targeted by a predator from the Netherlands, and she lived in Canada, Amanda Todd. And she thought she was communicating with a 15-year-old. And he blackmailed her. And our crack team here in the United States actually found him in the Netherlands and found her and over 200 other U.S. and Canadian boys and girls who had been blackmailed by him.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They're both savvy and safe, but uses a different terminology. So that's a tool that I use regularly. Then the other one, stop cyberbullying.org that Perry Aftab started is made for middle school and high school kids and their parents, they help them help their kids stay safe and civil and savvy about it. I mean, the tools are changing so rapidly. And you've got to know that kids are not targeting their peers on Facebook now because grandma's on Facebook. They're using apps and they're using them quite effectively. These are tools. That's all they are. They can be used for good or for ill.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“With them, because there's so much dangerous stuff out there today. And we need to talk to them. I try to stay up. And there is a wonderful website started here in Colorado, common sensemedia.org. And you can subscribe to it free. And it will give you the latest apps, the latest games, the latest concerns with movies. And they've done a wonderful thing. They hired experts in the field to make handouts for parents and educators from preschool all the way through high school on digital.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To be digitally savvy, digitally civil, digitally safe. Now it starts about age five. You have limits and boundaries, of course you would, just like crossing the street for a five-year-old. More limits and boundaries and fewer responsibilities and decision making, and then you constantly increase the responsibilities and decision-making as they demonstrate ability and age, appropriateness, then you look at what limits and boundaries can we put on it. I believe through the early teen years, it's important that we know their passwords, that they trust us and we trust them, but trust, and I use Ronald Reagan's comment, trust but verify.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“She believed she didn't have to teach him this stuff because he didn't have a cell phone yet. No, you borrowed a friend's. So I believe it's important about age five. We start teaching them to be savvy about the tools they use, to be civil. And that's where we put the structures on it. I used to use the old Sufi saying that our words must pass through gates. First, is it true? Not kind of true, maybe true, half true or rumor, but is it true? Is it necessary to say something may be true, but not necessary to say? And the last is, is it kind? If it won't pass through all three gates, don't you dare push send. But it also is true in the offline world too. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? And again, we're fighting in a climate today with adults not going through those three gates before they engage their mouth or their fingers. So we've got to work against that. So we teach them.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Ask my classmate, and he was real cocky. He said, I asked my classmate if I could borrow his phone to call my mom, and then he had to smirk. And he said, but I didn't call my mom. I went into his phone book. And a lot of you say, I know a lot of parents who don't know how to do this. But I went into his phone book and sent an ugly text.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I said to third and fourth graders, can anyone here tell me how you might be mean on a cell phone? This little boy shot his hand up, had a smirk on his face, and he told me how he had been mean, not how he could be mean.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's the very same thing as red pajama, blue pajama. I mean, some of our kids today come out of the womb knowing how to use the phone because mom and dad were using it in the room when they were born, you know, texting to their friends, sending pictures. And you see an 18-month-old who takes a picture book and tries to slide it and it doesn't change because they're so used to sliding on the phone. And so what we want to do is teach kids three things, to be digitally savvy, smart about the tools they're using. And this starts very young. And I know we often think that we don't need to teach them because they don't have a cell phone yet. But I was working with a department of defense schools in Europe, and I had done a day session for teachers. And then I was working with the parents at night. And then in the day, I had third and fourth graders together and then fifth and sixth graders together and teachers were in the back.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, still the adult, you're their parent till they reach puberty, and then you become their mentor, their model, their guide. I really dislike it when people say, my teenager is my best friend. I say, get alive. You know, they need a mentor. They don't need a friend right now, not you as a friend. Then in adulthood, you can become their friend, and you better become a good friend because they do pick out your nursing home. And so we need to move through that progression, but it's critical during those formative years that we are truly apparent and then we become a mentor and a guide. And then we can become a good friend in their adult years.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So she would clean up. And so working those kinds of things out. And if the one who always had to clean up says, but you're using too many dishes here, okay, what can we do to solve that kind of a problem? So you got a problem with your plan, basically, is a formula that we use. I like to have some kind of structure there. You got a problem? Okay, what's the plan?”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Okay, so we're going to a Walt Disney movie. You know, but it was a matter of coming together. And so we didn't have meetings every week. I know some families do that. Our lives were just a little more hectic. But we did know a format for a meeting that we would have that we all listened to one another and we didn't frown on anybody's suggestions. We would tell them how we felt. And I think those are all important skills and communication. And if there's an issue where we have a problem, it needs to be solved, okay, we had a chore, nobody likes to do bathrooms. It's just a reality at our house. Nobody likes to do bathrooms. Okay, how can we make this something? Okay, we'll all rotate the bathroom, but we all have to do a stint at the bathrooms. Now, if there's a chore, one of my kids love to cook and another liked, not especially, but she didn't like to cook.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“When our kids were about the same age, my brother-in-law died, and we had the two kids, one older than our oldest and one the same age as our oldest. And so we had them. And what do you do when all the other adults are planning a funeral that nobody had planned on and all of those things? So we got together the three kids, myself, my husband, of course, was with the family helping plan everything because it was his brother. And the two whose father had died and said, okay, what should we do this afternoon to remember in a special way Perry and Shay's dad? And they all just kind of look kind of solemn. And then Perry said, I think we ought to go to a Walt Disney movie because dad loved those with us.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We held many family meetings over what do we do to be effective? And our kids were like 10 and 9 and 7 at that point. And so we decided we've always had family meals at the table. TV was off. When Marty was kidnapped, Ted Koppel used to have a show every night me. And so we watched TV while we ate to get caught up on what's happening with the hostages. So, you know, every family is going to deal with different kinds of very difficult issues. And Marty did come to stay with us a period of time after he was released. And our kids were very close to him. Their godfather. And so that was a traumatic time to deal with it.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, we have family meetings and they were loosely put together when there was a need to come together as a family to decide when they were older. We talked to them about options for holidays. Now they can get to choose, oh, we want to go to Australia. We had limits and boundaries. We said we're going to go to this place and what can we do and talk about it? As it got even older, they were better at planning trips. When they were five, it was a matter of who's going to do the map reading and what do you think we need to put in the cooler to get us from this point to this point. Problem solving, basically. If there was an issue in the family where mom or dad had to leave because somebody was ill or something, we had a really big issue where our kid's godfather was kidnapped in Lebanon. He was in 1983. He was one of the Lebanon seven.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What can you do to help him have a better day? And he says, Well, he likes to be pulled in the wagon. So here's the five-year-old, pulling the three-year-old. The five-year-old nose his own goodness, the three-year-old knows his brother's goodness, and they heal so they can go back and fight later in the day, because believe me, kids fight. But it's a matter of you hit you set. They know that right away. You hit you set. You need to calm down and work through the process.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hit my brother with a toy and broke the toy to figure out how you're going to keep it from happening again. And this is where you teach them to share. It's that here's you, here's your brother, you can throw half. Your brother controls half, you influence a whole and know is a complete sentence that if he says he doesn't want to give you the toy, you've got to find something else to do kind of thing. So very quickly, but he says, I won't hit him again. Okay, that's what you won't do. But what will you do instead? So then you're given the options there.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So sometimes a very out of control child needs a very in control adult and just rocking them may help soothe them. The goal is to calm them down. Then they have to deal with what they did. So I give them a choice, rock a rumor on my lap. Notice I give them three choices. You give a strong-willed child two. They'll try to figure out which one you want them to do, and they'll choose the other just despite you. But you give them three, they're confused. So rock a room around my lap. When they're done, calming down, now the work begins. And mom, I'm ready. Okay, if he says, I'm done being mad and they're still angry. I said, well, not yet. Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe sitting isn't what calms them down. You got to know your kid. But he's getting attention for you. He's calming down. Now he still has got to do the work in the three R's. He hit his brother. Restitution. You have to own and fix what you did.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah. So, do I believe in time now? Not that kind. But I do believe in timeout. When a child bops another kid over the head, I say, whoa, it's all right to be angry. It's not all right to hit your brother. I want to separate those two. It is all right to be angry. It's not all right to hit your brother. You need to take time out to calm down and to figure out how you're going to fix what you just did. The purpose of time out is to calm down and to figure out how you're going to fix what you just did. That's the purpose of it. So many timeouts, it's obligatory timeout in the obligatory, I'm sorry. And that's the little boy who will hit his sister and go sit and then come up and say, I'm sorry and not mean it, you know, and still hit his sister. But I also give him options. I say you can sit in your rocker room or on my lap. Now, people in behavior mod said, well, why am I going to let him sit on my lap? I've been trained in behavior mod with rats. I'm not going to use it on kids.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To use it, if you hit your set. Yeah, if you hit, you sit. Okay, let's look at timeout. Because I'm often asked about that. There's time in, there's time out, and some people have an interesting timeout. I had a parent one of my workshops say, I have a wonderful timeout program. It works. Our son hits his sister. He goes and sits. I don't even have to tell him anymore. I go, oh, that's not working. If he's still hitting you.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Come up with something that makes sense. And by the way, I'm open to suggestions. It's okay to ask a kid for some suggestions of what to do. And some kids will say, spank me. I say, well, that's off limits. I don't do that because it destroys my dignity and it will destroy yours too. So let's come up with another option.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He admitting we're wrong. That didn't make sense. Go back and you just say, Kid, I blew that one. Now, sometimes you have to say, I blew it. I'm going to go back outside. I'm going to call myself down. I'm going to start over, which gives them a tool for how to do it too. And they see that we make mistakes and we're vulnerable. And what's hard is when your kids say you blew it. And I had one, I was lecturing in Toronto and we were in an elevator and I had taken my son with me on that trip. And he turned around. He was 13 and he looked at all the people they were talking about the lecture I just given and he said, well, would you like to meet for me to be good or bad so you can see how she handles it? You know, like, oh, please. So, yeah, humor always helps. If you blow it, humor helps too. No, you're not grounded for life. But let me.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yep, I blew it. You know, we all lose it. We yell and scream. How dare you? You're grounded for six months. I mean, why would you want to get home for six months? But if you've ever done that, you can always pull back just like we teach kids. We can always pull back and say, I lost it. Give me a few moments to come up with something that makes sense and I will. No, you are not grounded for life. I had a friend ground her adolescent for six months, including senior prom because she lost it.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, we loved it. And you know, I told my own kids, we've handled kids who have seriously harmed others and hurt themselves. So you're going to have to work hard at shocking us. They all three did, by the way, in the teen years. They worked hard. But again, you go back to it's not life-threatening, morally threatening, or unhealthy. Let it go. The purple hair will grow out”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I didn't have kids then. We took in the kids before we had kids. We took in young offenders while they were being adjudicated or leaving one foster care to another. My husband was a psych rehab counselor. I was a special ed teacher. Some of these kids were my students, so some of them, that boy in particular, had me morning noon.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT