YouSaid · the spoken record

Barbara Coloroso

lines on the record: 154
first: 2018-10-30
most recent: 2018-10-30
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“But nope, and I got even firmer. No, you absolutely asked me one more time. It's going to be a bigger no. No, oh, she won't let me. And then after they left, they explain this to me. Well, they were going to go do something he knew he would get in serious trouble for. But we had that agreement that if he needs me to say no, I'll say it.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You didn't get something done, you need to come home right now. And they'll think, whoa, is she firm? And we took in before we had our own children, kids who were troubled adolescents. And one of them was on the verge of being sent back to Juvie Hall. If he messed up one more time, and I said, you can always blame it on me. I'll back you up. And this was new for him. And he came running in the house ahead of his buddies, said, tell me no, tell me no. And I had no idea what I was telling him no about. But he said, tell me no, tell me no. And so his buddy, come on in. And mom, all the foster kids call me mom. And mom, mom, can I go to? I said, nope. Oh, come on. Nope. And never mind you, I have no idea where I'm staying.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes. And also now that they all have their phones, a text, a code word. That they can text to you that means please come get me, or I'm scared, or I'm worried, and you'd be right there. And you can even walk into that party and just say, John.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Midnight in this community, there's a whole lot less to do with sex jailer drugs, and I just don't want to put you in a position you can't yet handle. Oh, but mom, everybody's staying out. Not true. You're not. You don't love me. I do. I'm not going to argue. I do. They're not going to be real happy. Many of our kids, though, will be relieved because now they can say, mom won't let me. And you get to be the fundy duddy. Well, they're still developing that strong backbone of their own.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, but mom, all my friends, I'm not convinced. Mom, you let Maria, I'm not convinced. Mom, if you don't give me the car keys, you got to take all of us to play practice. I'm convinced. And then when your 16-year-old says, can I stay out all night? A good line is no. There is a time and a place for no. And they're going to say, how come? And our typical response is, because I said, so which is not a wise reason at all. They're going to go out the back window after you lock the front door. They still won't know why. Tell them why. Kid, you can't stay all night because a sex jail drug is personal safety. What? Nope, you can't stay out all night because the sex jail drugs and personal safety. Mom, you don't trust me. Oh, yeah, I do. I trust you from the moment you walk out of this house in the morning to you come back in the evening. It takes less than 10 minutes to get involved in sex jail or drugs. And I just trust you're not.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“How do you find a no yes later? The five year old says, But I'm hungry. Okay, have a cookie. It's already later. It's at least three seconds later. But most importantly, you didn't change a no to a yes. It was a yes all along. The second, Dad, can I go over to Jamie's house? Give me a minute. There's nothing wrong with asking for a moment to develop your own case. You might think, gee, it'd be kind of nice to have him out of here. Yeah, you can go. Or wait a minute. We have this and this and this to do. No, you can't go. At least when you say no, you know why you said no. How often we say no, the foggiest because it sounded good. You know, why did I say that? I don't know. So yes later, give me a minute. The third I often use with adolescence, but you really can use it with anyone that's verbal. Mom, can I have a car keys? Convince me. Why should I spend all my energy at my age convincing my adolescent? Let her spend all her useful energy convince me why she should.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's still a very good rule. That's still a very good rule because it's not always about drinking. It's not always about an Uber. Sometimes it's about they're in an uncomfortable situation. They want out. So you have a code that they can give you, text message or something that says, please come get me. All my mom needs me home right now. Darn it, I got to babysit my brother because they were uncomfortable. You get to be the funny duddy. It's like three alternatives to no. You know how often we say no to kids? Mom can I have a cookie? No, it'll spoil your supper. Dad, can I go to Jamie's? No. Mom, I have the car keys. No, dad, can I stay? I don't I know. We say no so often that they don't take us seriously on that big one. Well, there are three alternatives to know you can start today. So when you need to say no, you say it and mean it and follow through with it. Mom, can I have a cookie? Yes later.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hour after event's over because an event may end at 10. But you say curfew at 12. Well, they can get in trouble during that time. But, you know, an hour after the event's over. And that means your child can still say, mom, the other boy had something to drink. I'm driving him home. Thank you for telling me.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Say, I got a 15 year old, we've lost it. What do we do now? We've done it all wrong. No, you haven't. It's never too late. You can say, kid, you got a job to do, and I've got a job to do. And that's to get you ready to go outside on your own at 18. So we got some catching up to do, and we can do it. It's again affirmation. We can do this. We can do this. What responsibilities and decisions do you think you're capable of doing now? And what limits and boundaries do you think we can take away? And you're open. And when they realize that you mean it, they won't give you some far out things like, I think I can stay out all night at 15. Well, no, not really. But you're open. Let's see what limits we can put. And how about curfew? Some people have that ridge of brick wall curfew. Jellyfish says, oh, well, my kid will come home whenever. But a backbone says a half hour after the event's open or an hour.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Doctor says that she was talking to some of her patients and some of them who came from third world countries, those children were more likely to do more chores and be more helpful around the family because it was expected now that even they live in a First World Country than our children. So we take a serious look at if our goal is for them to be independent what chores are we willing to take the time to teach them to do and hold them accountable for. So I couldn't give you exactly all I know is your goal is when they leave home they know how to do the laundry. They know how to mow a lawn. They know how to wash windows. They know how to keep a house in order. They know how to shop. And some of you listening may”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, remember, our goal is to constantly increase responsibilities and decision making and reduce limits and boundaries. So you don't let us to your own play with a gas stove, but you let them help put peanut butter on the celery and put the little raisins on top for ants on a log, you know, that kind of thing. It's, again, age appropriate, and I would impress upon you ability appropriate. You may have a child with special needs who's the oldest, but the second oldest is more capable of getting more responsibilities and decision-making. They ought to be allowed to do that. Not because, oh, I'm worried that the other kid will feel bad. No, we honor each one's differences and seek out one another's gifts as well. It was interesting to me, I had a niece who's a...”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What were your family? My own, well, my school rules, my classroom rules were easy. Show up on time, be prepared, do your assignments, and respect your own and others' life space. Very simple. I had a lot of guidelines where you said how you ask for things, guidelines. But rules are how we expect you behave. Guidelines are how we hope you'll behave. In our own home, it was be kind and caring, help out with chores that you're a responsible member of this family. We're counting on you to do chores and treating one another kindly, I think was the biggest thing.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I ask people when I'm talking about this in the lectures, I say, if any of you have a radar detector, I don't want you to raise your hand. If your child's in the car with you, what you have just said to them is speeding is not bad. It's getting caught that's bad. And some people go, and moan a little bit. But it's about getting caught. None of us like to get caught. None of us like to pick. But if that's the only reason we're not speeding, then we have a problem. And, you know, rules are there for a reason. There's only, when I say develop your school rules, your classroom rules, your general area rules. has to be deep caring and it's a matter again of is does it have to do with safety or the way we relate to other human beings”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To bend. It's like two yellow lines down the road. That's a rule, not a guideline. And we have to trust the highway department. Rules are about trust. I have to trust you say on your side of the road, you have to trust, I say on my side of the road. However, an ambulance comes down the middle of the road. They have not violated that rule. They superseded the rule. It's still a good rule, but there's a time to supersede that rule, to get to the place so that you can be deeply caring. You know, the must relieve somebody else's suffering, wishing them well. Oh, go ahead”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's what zero tolerance is all about, zero thinking. So, what would a deeply caring teacher do? The rule is a rule, it's a good rule. But there's a time to bend, to go above the rule. Not because the rule isn't a good rule. So you see the child with the cell phone. You say, cell phone, and he looks at you, says, but it's my mom from Iraq. And a deeply caring teacher whose ethic is rooted in deep caring and rules are rooted in deep caring, says, I'll talk to you when you're finished. And hangs around. And then when he's done with the phone call, say, how's your mom doing? And how are you and grandpa doing? It's been a long deployment for all three of you. Is there anything I can do to help? That says I care. And that, you know, the rules there, but there's a time to bend. Another kid comes up and says, how come he gets to use this cell phone and I don't? And I say, when your mom's an Iraq, you get to use your cell phone too. You have a child with cancer, needs to wear a hat, but you have a hat rule.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“She doesn't get to call very often. He goes into the commons area and forbid her cell phone reception and a moral absolute ridge of brick wall teacher came by and said, turn that phone off and give it to me. He said, but it's my mom from Iraq and how telling moral absolutism is. She said, I don't care. She took the phone, he got belligerent, he was suspended five days for using his phone, five days for getting belligerent. Now the board backed that teacher because they said if we let him use the phone, then everyone will use the phone. See, moral absolute rigid brick walls are so afraid of moral relativism, jellyfish, but they even got that wrong. It isn't moral relativism, jellyfish isn't everyone will use the phone, but who you are, who you're related to, what position your parents held in the community, and who caught you. That's the jellyfish.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To help relieve any suffering they have and wish them well. And that's what we as educators. We need to be mindful with a wise heart. And if we're so locked into rules, I have very few rules on many more guidelines. Rules are how we expect kids to behave. Guidelines are how we hope they behave. But a rule is important, but it must be rooted in deep caring that I'm going to go back to brick wall with that. There was a situation outside of Atlanta, Georgia a few years ago where they had a rule about cell phone use. It was a good rule about cell phone use. However, 30% of those kids had one or both parents deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan. And a grade 11 boy made international news. His phone vibrates in the lunchroom. It's his mom from around.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, and you give it to them, you know, and I believe I'm a good teacher and I think that I am some knowledge to impart. And I want my grandkids. I want children in the neighborhood to be able to experience that. And that's why I lecture to teachers. Hopefully they can take some of the wisdom that I have and make it a part of their own school. I want to go back a moment here because I said, you know, they needed the three C's. but they also need deep caring, which is something you just alluded to. Deep caring is not liking somebody. I tell kids you do not have to like every kid in this classroom, but you must honor their humanity. Deep caring is the must to relieve somebody else's suffering and wishing them well, which, by the way, is the antithesis of mean and cruel. So if you care deeply about another human being, you want to be in there.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Granddaughter asked something, and I went off into my teaching mode, and my daughter said, You're always teaching, aren't you? And I said, yep. You know, because it was a teachable moment. And I think you take those teachable moments. Take them again.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, I do. And I would say to someone, you know, I know you love that combination. How do you think I try to get them to think some of your peers may respond to that when you walk through the door? And if he says, I don't care what they think and says it very strongly, I said, go for it. You're your own person. But if they say, I don't know, what do you think, mom? I tell them that, well, in my day, this is what might have happened, you know, going back to me, because I only know from my own experience. And as experience as an educator, I know these things, I also can talk to them about if you said that to somebody and said it in that way, how do you think they might respond? It's a matter of teaching. I was driving one day with my oldest granddaughter and my daughter and”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If it's not life threatening, morally threatening, or unhealthy, let it go. Let them experience the consequences. But you don't say to a 16-year-old, go ahead and jump off the building. We'll discuss the consequences after you land. You pull them back them a second chance at life. But the rest of the time, I give them the opportunity to make those choices and decisions. Does that mean I don't give them wisdom? No, my own wisdom. We're there for a reason as adults. We're not just kind of hanging with them and we're certainly not their friends.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Does change everything. It does. Carl Upschurk, who wrote convicted in the womb, a good portion of his junior high and high school years in prison, juvenile detention and then went on to prison. And an English teacher in the prison said, you're a good writer.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, we may indeed. I have people say to me when I was working with seriously troubled adolescents, but they're going to go home to the same environment. They're going home to the same streets. I say, I have them five and a half hours a day. I can only do all I can do, but I've got to do the best I can do with them because this truly is safe harbor. Alice Miller, the psychiatrist, did a study of kids who had been horribly abused and found that those who did thrive had one person in their life that cared about them and very often it was an educator. So we can make a difference in their lives. We have to believe that.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I try to change that as an educator regularly when I'm lecturing and working with schools. When a kid walks through those doors, I've been doing a lot of opening of schools since the beginning of the school year. And I say, I don't care where a kid comes from. Dad's an alcoholic. Mother has an interest occupation. Brother's been in jail. Any kid walking through those doors, it's a kid. And they need those six critical life messages. I believe in you. I trust in you. I know you can handle this. You're listened to, cared for very important to me. I think that's...”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They got mayhem on their hands, and that's a much bigger issue. But you see how it fits in that structure of the backbone.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“For staid classes, so they can learn to fix the nose bleed they gave somebody. I try to get them to learn to swim really well. I want all kids to know how to swim being a former water safety instructor. I want them to swim well so they don't drown. But kids who are impulsive make phenomenal. I mean this very seriously, phenomenal lifeguards. They make wonderful EMTs and paramedics, lousy brain surgeons, but I don't need a brain surgeon in the back of an ambulance. I need somebody who uses their impulse quickly and they've got it trained. So it's a mindset that we have to have about what are the gifts these kids have. And I want them to say, you know, talk to me about getting an F. Okay, talk to me. Oh, you ran the car into a post at school. Talk to me about it and show me how you're going to fix it. It was a mistake. You know how to fix it. Own it. Fix it. Learn from it. Move on. Now, if they were drinking and they had an accident.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is you can write out the story she dictates to you. Oh, we have an artist in the class. You can illustrate her story. We have a musician. You could score her story. We have two class clowns. You can act out the story. What I just did didn't cost a dime and didn't interfere with standardized testing is I just created a larger circle of caring which goes a long way to breaking the cycle of violence. The chances of kids mocking the young girl with dyslexia have been radically reduced because they have seen that she has a gift. I take a child with learning disability and let them be the first to climb the rock wall. Why? They often are willing to take those risks. And the kids at the very top and the other kids going wow instead of ow, he takes ADHD medicine. He has to go down. No, wow, look what he can do. I take kids who are impulsive, get them in Red Cross programs so that”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Who got the A because spelling comes easy for them? I say you have a phenomenal gift. We have to find a way for you to use that gift. And at home, I would say something like, we've been going over to the senior center and you're old enough to come with us. And with your spelling gifts, you can answer their emails. You can write thank you notes for them. You can write letters for them. I want young people to know that if you have a gift, you have an obligation to use that gift instead of I'm so proud of you for that gift. And then they'll be less likely to take risks if they're afraid they're going to get disapproval from you. At school, I would say, you know, you have a phenomenal gift. And we have a young child in class who has a difficult time reading out loud and spelling and not but. And she's a phenomenal storyteller, which by the way is true of many kids with dyslexia. One of the things you can do.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Proud of you take up to my side of the family. We're going put this up on the refrigerator for the other side to look at. You do that very often. You're going to go to back to school night, pick up every child's desk and find every paper in there that's not an A-plus because they're afraid to bring it home. He said, well, what am I going to say when my kid comes home? I've already given you the comment in another situation. All I ever say to my kids is talk to me about it. Tell me about it. And opens it up for them to talk instead of me talking about it. And so I say talk to me about it. And the girl whose spelling comes easy says, spelling's easy. I don't get excited about that. But the other child where spelling comes hard for them, they say, look, mom, I got all the words right. Even spelled February right. And the R's in a funny place. I get excited about their excitement. But the child...”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But it's not right if your intent is to exclude somebody. So your intent matters. So I say that's not right. And I invite them to fix it. So it is bigger than right wrong. So we want them to have constructive criticism. I say you can fix it. I know you can fix it. But how we treat an A plus will give our kids a clue if they can come home and tell you they wreck the family car. They've been targeted at school or they worse than that. We're targeting somebody. You see, we need our children to be able to tell us about the good, the bad, and the ugly. Now, praise dependent kids are afraid to tell you. They're afraid to take a risk. They're afraid they won't take advanced trig because they might get a lower grade. And I like good risk takers. I wanted to be able to take a risk of sitting next to the new girl and the like. So you're chalking someone with an A plus you have some support.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And those are things that as parents we need to teach our young people. So that's in the instruction, the comment section. The last C is constructive criticism, which we're so afraid to give kids an appraise-oriented culture. We're afraid to disappoint them. I don't use a red pen at school. I use a green one. And I check all the answers that are correct and I say to a kid, your job is to fix all the other ones so they get a green mark too. That says to a kid, I believe you can do it. I don't say to a kid, that's wrong. I usually say that's not right because it's bigger than right wrong. One of my books is just because it's not wrong doesn't make it right and it's teaching kids to think and act ethically. And in it, I talk about the fact that two kids making up a game only two can play because they don't want the new girl to play with them because she played with the other girl yesterday. Now there's nothing wrong with making up a game only to complain.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You did it. It's okay to get excited, but it's about your child's excitement. Praise dependent kids can't get excited till you're given permission. Do you like this? Is this okay? So we want to stroke the deed, not the kid, be very specific to the deed and let the child know what impact they've had that affirms their agency again. The second C is comments good, solid instruction. We have to teach our kids how to add, subtract, diagram a sentence that'll date me. We have to teach them how to be kind and caring. We have to teach them those things. We have to teach them to have a health regard for themselves, including their own sexuality and a healthy regard for others, including their sexuality. We have to teach them to be cyber savvy, cyber civil, and cyber safe. We never had to do that a generation ago. But today we do have to do that.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So he feels like as a new kid, he fits in already. Now, notice how I did that. You stroked the deed, not the kid. Be very specific to the deed, and let the child know what his or her behavior did for the dog, a plant, or another human being. And you say, but can I ever get excited? Oh, sure. The three-year-old wants you to weed bye-bye to the bowel movement. You wave bye-bye to the bowel. The five-year-old. makes it down the hill without the training wheels touching. You did it. Do you see how different that is? And if you make it down the hill, we'll go to Dairy Queen. And he doesn't make it down the hill. He'll lie to you. He'll throw the bike down and say, I don't care about any stupid Derry Queen. But you say, you did it, or you didn't come up, pick yourself up. You can try it again. You go back to that encouragement. And your 16-year-old makes it around the parking lot without popping the clutch.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Encouragement can occur anytime. A kid falls flat on his face. How do you praise him? You fell well? No. You say to him, come on, buddy, pick yourself up. I know you can do it. My sixth critical life message is, I believe in you. I trust in you. I know you can handle it. You're listened to, you're cared for, you're very important to me. Children need to hear that in lots of different ways. And one of them is to say, come on, buddy, pick yourself up. You can do it. Encouraging children. They also need feedback. Now, feedback comes in three C's. Compliments, comments, and constructive criticism. Compliment. Best compliment you can give any child as an educator or a parent is thank you. Thank you for walking the dog. He's been inside all day. Look how happy he is to be outside. Thank you for watering that plant. It was really wilted and now it's standing strong. Thank you for inviting that new boy to lunch.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, it's again, if I don't get caught, what I did wasn't bad, if I have to be caught being good. And remember, nice kids often get caught being good in the classroom, but they're not been kind to the new girl or to the child with special needs or the child with an allergy. I'm not into nice. I'm into kind. And kind of happens, I will walk up to a child and I say, I want to thank you for inviting that new girl to sit with you. She feels a part of the class now. So that's part of the alternative. So let's look at what the alternatives are. Instead of bribes and threats, rewards and punishment, what kids need are encouragement, feedback, a sense of deep caring, and discipline. We've already done the discipline, so we can look at the others. Encouragement. Praise can only occur at the end of a deed done the way you want it done. It's highly judged.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I want to teach young kids to do good, as James Natchway said, because good is good to do, that you do it because it's the right thing to do. He goes on to say spurn threats of heaven and bribes the hell you do it because it's the right thing to do, which brings us back to bribes and threats, rewards, and punishments and looking at the alternatives to those, what to do instead, feeling good about yourself. It's about yourself. When kids understand they have agency in their life, when they sit next to the new girl, no one can take away how good they feel knowing what they did for that other little girl. No one can take that away. But if you bribe kids, then it's an external approval that will help them feel good. And I don't want external approval. So let's look for a moment at what to do instead of bribes and threats and rewards and punishments. Because they are insidious part of our culture.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I tell you, the playground aid, the lunchroom people, we're going to be on our toes watching for that. And once we're tuned into that, we usually can catch them doing it and we can nail them. And I do. Normal conflict. We're going to have lots of that and you just get through it and help them get through it. But bullying is our job to stop and deal with it both for the targeted person and the bully and the not so innocent bystanders who joined in.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Stop everything I'm doing and sit down and say, Talk to me about it. Tell me about it very self voice. Talk to me about it. Tell me about it. And I listen. And I say, what can you and I do? Oh, mom, don't tell anybody. Don't tell me they'll make it worse. Kids tend to know that if schools aren't handling it well, it will make it worse. But there are things that we need to know. I'm an educator. If somebody, bullying tends to happen under the radar of adults. So if a parent would come to me and say that my son said the boys are calling him names in the bathroom, then I change the bathroom schedule. I make sure that it's one at a time kind of thing. And then I keep an eye on those boys. And I say to the parent, I'm going to keep an eye on those boys. I thank the young boy for telling. And I also say to him, nobody's ever going to know you told. And I tell a parent, nobody's going to know you told. I'm going to watch them, which means I can't deal with what they did in the past.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The work that's in kids are worth it was originally written for kids with special needs. And then I was asked to write the book. And what I found was... And know that there are moments with kids with special needs when they would be horribly frustrated and you're worn out and making sure that we get a break as parents and a little respite, but also to understand that your kid is struggling at school and that's a lot of struggle for them. And you want to be very tuned in if a kid says the kids are calling me names. And bullying can be devastating.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They all had to read Well, you have a bedtime, but it's a time to get ready to go to bed. And, you know, within a half hour, they're out. And you haven't screamed. You haven't yelled. You check in on them. You turn the light out because the book is on their face. You know, making it a pleasant time. Now, for some kids, especially kids who may have some learning disabilities or some body issues, the massage, the talking to them, My graduate work was in autism. And with them, it was a friction oil but rubbed firmly to calm, you don't want the tickle tickle because they can't handle that. But the firm massaging of them and helping them relax instead of it becoming a battle because you both lose worn out.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So taking time, I guarantee you they will want you to put them in bed at 17. I guarantee you that. So if you take that time when they're young and get them in the habit, the seven-year-old occasionally likes to still be tucked in, but the 10-year-old and the nine-year-old, my grandkids I'm thinking about, will want to say goodnight to you and they read. And reading not on tools, not on the electronic tools, a real book. There's a reason for that. The blue light from the electronic tools are not good for helping put them to sleep. They also can be harmful to their eyes. So reading a real book will oftentimes”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“On that. So, you know, you do it with them if you really want him, and then pretty soon they'll be able to take it over themselves and care for their teeth. And the dentist will have talked to them about teeth rotting out of your head, that kind of stuff. So you teach them, you teach them and you model it for them. You make bedtime a pleasant time instead of get back in the bed, get back in the bed, get back in the bed. How many times after I get back in the bed and you start screaming? And then they finally fall asleep and you feel like the bad witch from the West because now they're asleep and you're awful and you've been screaming at them.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is get first of all, we ask them, Did you brush your teeth, which is silly? That's a silly question. You know, kid has cookie all over his face. Did you eat that cookie? If they need to brush their teeth, so do you. And so when they're little, you go up and brush your teeth. They're brushing theirs. We're sure we get it all done good. I just had my, I was with one of our grandkids, a seven-year-old, and he's into rules right now because seven-year-olds are. And I was brushing my teeth. I finished before him. He said, Grandma, you didn't do it the full time.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is holding them, nursing them, and stuff. But one of us would do the dishes, and the other would put the kids down. One of us would get a break. We're not sure which one on some nights. But it's a matter of I stayed with them and just would hum or we'd have a little routine. Often it's being grateful for what has happened during the day and that reading a story and having a calmness about the bedtime. Also, if you have a child who has a learning disability, I'm a special ed teacher. If you rub the bottom of their feet, the Chinese knew it well. The eyes of the wind of the soul, but the feet of the doorway to the body. And if you can firmly rub the bottom of their feet, it does two things. One, it calms them down, and two, they can't get out of bed when you're hanging onto their feet. And then you can rub their backs and make bedtime a pleasant time. Instead of what we tend to do.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hopefully by the time they were that old, you've already gotten into a routine routine are critical. And I don't mean brick wall routine where it's eight o'clock and you're going to bed no matter what. Bedtime doesn't have to be a nightmare. I wrote about that and kids are worth it a whole chapter. It doesn't have to be. When they're little, my husband and I would take turns putting, I had three kids in three and a half years. And so we would take time putting them down. The littlest one went to bed the latest, you know?”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Not complicated, but understand that simple doesn't mean easy. And along with that, I can impress upon you how important it is to try to steer away from all the bribes and threats and rewards and punishments. They interfere with ethical behavior. And Alfie Cohn said that bribes and threats on the flip side are the same coin. They don't bias much. I like to go one step further. I think they bankrupt the spirit of our children because now we have kids saying, well, what's in it for me? And we'll never break the cycle of violence related to bullying if everything's in what's in it for me because it costs you to stand up and to speak out. So trying to put it all together and using simple things that we can do every day, whether it's dealing with conflict or sibling bullying, none of us like to think our kids are bullying, but we have to look at it if it is, if that's murder on that face, we need to shut that down.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Everything, and so Dawn's underwear was pink. And I said, well, one of the things we can do is put it through the wash again without the red shirt, but you got to picture brother's shirt. And now she could have blamed it on him and said if you had to put it in the laundry with the separate, no, you know, hey, you did it. You did it. And I quite frankly, I helped her out with buying him a new shirt. because it was a mistake. It was an honest mistake. So I helped her out. But she went to her dad and said, Dad, you have pink underwear. He said, well, it'll be different to have different color. But we look at it, okay? It was a mistake. Had she put a whole load of blue and red clothes in and purposely because they were her brothers and purposely put bleach in it, she would have a bigger problem. That would have been a menacing thing. That would have been mayhem. Intent matters, you know. But what I want to do is make it simple for parents.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's looking around every situation and saying, Is this a choice he can make? And we have to give up some of this efficiency control. Well, we've got to get it done right now. Sometimes we have to sit back and say, it's going to take a little bit longer for him to fix his own lunch with us helping him fix it. But pretty soon he's going to be able to fix his own lunch on his own, which is our goal. And you're going to have mistakes. I remember my oldest daughter doing the laundry because she was old enough to learn to do it. And she put all the whites in and put bleach in. However, her brother had taken off his red shirt with his t-shirt at the same time. So it was white on the outside. Inside was a red t-shirt. Everything turned pink, including her dad's on.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, it holds them accountable for what they've done. It teaches them that they do matter, what they do matters, and how they fix it matters. And it gives them the opportunity to fix it and heal with people if they've harmed any of them. He got along quite well with the game warden. We went out and did other adventures with them, you know, and helped out.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that's what we need to do with discipline, whether it's a mistake, it's mischief, or mayhem. And always with mayhem, you go to those three R's in discipline.”
2018-10-30 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #44 Barbara Coloroso: The Kids Are Worth It · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT