YouSaid · the spoken record

Chris Voss

lines on the record: 140
first: 2023-03-10
most recent: 2023-03-10
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“I have very strong religious beliefs Spiritual, you know, I don't a thousand percent if you were to try to confine me in a box. I'd be a Christian. I have tremendous respect for the Jewish. I don't think any religions got it nailed exactly. Again, I keep mentioning them. I'm kind of a bono Christian. I think Bono's lazy like what, and I'm going to butcher it, but, you know, my belief in Jesus is what I've got after Christianity leaves the room, you know, the dogma of man's application of spiritual beliefs. But that being said, I truly believe that my life was a gift and there's a purpose here. And for my creator decided that I woke up in the morning because he still had some cool, interesting things for me to do.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And if there's any doubt in my mind something worse happens to me every few years, but Marx about being alive and inspiring other people. So, the hard part with navigate was somebody who's tossing it in because there's a chemical imbalance or it's the way they're interpreting the world. There's clutter in their head Can you help clear that clutter in her head?”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. And if you step back, very few people that commit suic Physically are up against it that hard. Like most of them, by and large, are pretty intact, physically human beings. They're struggling with emotional stuff. But it's an emotional issue. It's not a physical issue. So if you were to be a complete mercenary, a guy I'm a very big fan of a guy named Mark Pollock. Born great athlete, lost his eyesight, and then became paralyzed. He's an emotional leader. He's about helping people thrive and live great lives. Mark was born, he was a spectacular athlete. First, you lost his sight in one eye, then he lost his sight in the other eye, and then he fell out a window in a tragic experience. Like if there was ever a dude that was saying, like, living sucks.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, It's more clear in the clutter in their head. And let him make up their own mind. That was what volunteer suicide hotland was really about. Just let me see how quickly I can clear out the clutter in your head. If you're willing to have it cleared out. Did you call here because you were actually looking for help? Did you call here to fulfill some other? So are you willing to clear the clutter in your head? Not everybody is”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Think it was in a conversation on the suicide hotline that I was telling you about earlier with the guy who was paranoid. When I thought I can have that significant of an impact on another human being in this short of a period of time. That's really cool.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's probably a take on a cliche of do what you love. If you figure out your ideals, And pursue your ideals and stick to them. When it costs you. A guy admire very much Michael Mulgill runs Operation Crisp video in Atlanta. In one of his talks, he would say, core values are what you stick to that cost you money. Not a value that really matters to you unless it's costing you And stick to your values. Now, when I was in the FBI, I worked really hard at the number one core mission of the FBI is to protect and defend the American people. So I could pursue that value at all times, which I did. I could follow the rules You don't have time to do both.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That either mean or well intentioned but stupidly speaking adults said to you at the wrong moment implanted in your brain. Like the chances of everybody on Earth getting that out of it. Even the majority of people on Earth getting that out of their heads is really small”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, just because we're basically 75% negative and then Lack of a better term, I call it two lines of coat. Like somewhere when everybody, when we were little, somebody planted in two lines into our head, we don't know when it got in there. Somebody said something to us, it stuck. And there are a lot of people that had some really negative garbage dumped in their brain. When they were little Just based on the numbers. What kind of opportunity they were given afterwards? Did they ever have an epiphany moment when they genuinely believe they can get themselves out of it? Like, what is it? One of Joe that spends his book is Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. Like, how do you get at that two lines of code that”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I said, well, I got news for you. I think we come up with much better stuff as a result of our battles. And he said, you know, Vince said the same thing to me. Like, so if we don't have a problem fighting, why do you have a problem You know, there is something there that sometimes the most difficult insights, you rack your brains as to why someone is so... Dug in on something that so you think is so wrong. Yeah, maybe there's something to it. I think there's something to it.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Their admiration for some of the Beatles' best music came when they were fighting with each other. And the song one, Octoon, which is, I believe from the album, Octoon Baby. Those guys were fighting. I mean, they were on a verge of breaking up. And their appreciation that conflict could create something beautiful. And then when I was in a crisis negotiation unit, you know, my last seven years in the FBI, there was a guy that named Vince, brilliant dude, brilliant, brilliant negotiator. And he and I used to argue all the time And then when we had a change in the guy who was in charge, Guy who was in charge took me off to the side, and he's like, You know, I can't take you and Vince Fighting all the time.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, interesting. Well, I mean, the two thoughts that I had along the way was. I mean, anytime you're talking about systems or scaling. You're talking, my belief is. Chatbot systems, things that don't require decision making just following instructions. At least 80% of what's going on. Now the remaining percentage, whatever it is, does it require the human interaction and what's required? Like, I'm not like, I am not pro-conflict. And I also know that there's a case to be made in the creative world. Some of the best thinking came out of conflict Reading interviews of Bono, you too.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, it's the difference between being having boundaries and being negative. Like you threw a proposal at me. You know, before I say no, I'm going to say, look, I'm sorry, that just doesn't work for me. I'm going to set up a real clear boundary without being negative So a lot of people really struggle with setting boundaries without being negative, without name calling, without indignation, without getting upset.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And they're not going to get mad and argue with you. You say to a Chad bot, your price is too high. Chadbot is designed to come back with a smiley face. Say to a person, your price is too high. They could go off the deep end.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And they showed me what they were doing, and it was still a lot deeply flawed, emotional intelligence-wise. But the reason why they were having higher success rates is the chatbots were never in a bad mood. And you could reach out for chatbot in the middle of the night. So, if you were talking to somebody that was never upset and was always available, Then you're going to have a higher success rate. Negotiations go bad when people are in a negative frame of mind.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, so definition of better versus less flawed. Like, you know, chatbots have been out there for a long time and probably about five years ago now. Company approached us because they were doing a negotiation chat bot. And they said two things. First of all, I said, you know, why are you talking to us? I said, well, in point of fact, we already spoke to the people that are teaching, quote, the Harvard methodology and, you know, the rational approach to negotiation just doesn't work. Rational approach just does not work. Our chatbots are not getting anywhere. But we're showing in around about 80% of the interactions. A higher success outcome with these chat box.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The person on the other side, and they all go away, wait, wait, wait, wait, they can't say your look on your face right now. You got to stop, you got to stop because the guy on the other side is dying right now. He doesn't realize you're joking. So there was, you know, there were the words and the tone of voice, but it lacked the visual to go with it.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, and so you may think of a funny story because we were talking about your buddy Elon before. I told you about that I'd interacted with some of the senior executives. So I know that they love working with them and I think he's an interesting guy and they realized that he can be funny and he jokes around. Tell me during this conference call just words. And Agonia, then the line says something, you know, that was wrong but wasn't bad. And so they said they're on a phone, and Elon goes, You're fired. And then everybody in the room with them can see that he's joking.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So they're deeply uncomfortable with seven being the warts because the content, the warts, the meaning of the words. When you're writing, it's so important that you hate to poo-poo it that way. So first of all, I thousand percent believe it's an accurate ratio, but the real critical issue is not what the ratio of those three things are, it's the message when they're out of line What's the message when the tone of voice is out of line with the words? Like, it don't matter what your ratio is. You got a problem if their tone does not match their words.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“All right, so Albert Morabian, I think is the name of the UCLA professor that originally proposed the 738 55 ratio and discussed it in terms of that it wasn't the message, but how much he called it liking. Like not that the meaning is coming across, but you're liking of the message. That's been extrapolated heavily by people like me. To this meaning of the meaning in 7385 from liking to the meaning. I've seen regularly People that communicate verbally, if they're speakers, Tony Robbins, 7385 guy, he throws the ratio out there. Go, that's it exactly. That's exactly how the message comes across. This is how we got to balance it. This is how we got to do it. Those that communicate principally in writing. The meaning of the words are much more important to them.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, well, I think I would advise you to take that approach, which is the approach you're taking. You care about it, you're very curious about it. See it as a lifelong journey. You're fascinated by it. You enjoy? Learning about it. And you definitely do see it as a lifelong journey as opposed to this is what I can, if I can acquire this, then I can manipulate people.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There aren't that many different things that we're looking for understanding on or connection on or satisfaction of. There just aren't that many of them regardless. And so, yeah, you're looking for. Manifest itself. Some form or another, and you're willing to take a guess on whether or not that's what you're seeing or hearing.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And that was all I said. So those two conversations which are overlapping conversations, those two things really stick out of my mind.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Telling me about he was battling the disease of paranoia and he's going to go on a car trip with his family the next day and he knew that on the car trip he was going to twist himself into knots and so the night before he's twisted himself into knots. And he's laying out everything that he's done to try to beat. Paranoia, and how much his family's helping him. And he's going on a car trip with a family because they're going to take him to see a doctor. And so I hit him with the same thing that my buddy Lionel said. I said, sounds like your family's close. He goes, yeah, we are close. And he loved a lot a little bit more And then he started taking off all the things that he was doing to try to be paranoia. And he sounded determined. And so I said, Sound determined. And he goes, Yeah, I am determined. I'll be fine”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But he said to me, sounds like your family's really close. And I can remember in the moment this feeling just like I felt great in the moment. I mean, what he said just drew together everything that I'd been saying and nailed the essence of it. And I have a very clear recollection of how good that felt in a moment. So, a couple years later, on a suicide hotline. Now, I got this line in the back of my head, technique, reaction, read, whatever you want to call it. Guy calls in on a hotline, and I could tell the dude is rattled by his tone of voice. I mean, just amped up. And he goes, you know, I'm just trying to put a lid on the day. I need your help putting a lid on today. I gotta put a lid on the day. And I go, you sound... Anxious And he goes, Yeah. And he came down a little bit, and he was a guy that was”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's probably been a lot of them along the way. I mean, but one that I remember on a regular basis, actually there's two. But when I was in a bureau, I'm at Quantico. I'm there for N services, another guy from New York, a buddy of mine named Lionel. And we're both trying to decide whether or not we want to try to get into profiling or negotiation because they're both about human dynamics and both of us really like human dynamics. And we're sitting around talking about it, and we're talking about several things, and he labels me. And I know he didn't know what he was doing. I think he was just, he had picked it up. And I'd been talking about my family quite a few things. And he said to me, and I never said this directly, that we were close.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I'm rolling through the line, and I realize I haven't tossed a label out on any one of these guys. And there's this guy watching the bags come out of the x-ray machine. And he's just kind of got an indifferent look on his face. And I go, tough day. He kind of goes, I can see from his body language, like, no. And I go just another day, huh? And he goes, Yeah, just another day. He felt seen, but I missed and I'm practicing and I'm trying to stay sharp.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Goes out of her way to help me. I'm practicing, but I also know it made her feel better, relieved some of the stress. So now I'm going through TSA. I want to look for people who are having a tough day. That's a good place to find them. It's a good place to find in practice.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Or throwing something at him that, because negotiations of perishable skill, emotional intelligence is perishable. So, seeing if you can indicate that you understand our label, one of my favorite labels to throw out on somebody, which may be re-level, I might look at somebody who looks distressed and I'll go, tough day. So Several years ago at the counter at LAX, well, I'm waiting in the line to get to the counter. And a lady behind the counter is clearly making a point to not meet my eyes so that I don't approach. And she looks. And so you're next in line and they're making sure that you don't meet eyes. And I'm thinking to myself, all right, so they're having a bad day. So I walk up, and as soon as I approach the counter, I go, tough day. And she kind of snaps around and she goes, no, no, no. How can I help you?”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, it can be for some people that's high stakes practice. Well, you know, labeling mirrors, what are the basic tools of great negotiation? Labeling, paraphrasing, summarizing. You start labeling a mirror people that you just have regular interactions with just to gain a feel for whether or not you can read somebody's affect or how accurate your read is to get better at it. And so, you know, label The lift driver For the grocery store clerk. Or person behind the airline counter at the airport. So putting”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Really close fine line. I mean, I ruled in here not having any expectations, not looking for anything other than having an interesting conversation. And to hear what was behind the questions that you were asking me and what interests you. And then also your description of silence and the power of silence, something I'm going to take away as a learning point and help learn to teach others. But I didn't come in here. I suppose the negotiation is when we're both aware of a problem we're trying to solve.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“A bad idea. Lane is just a bad idea for a variety of reasons. First of all, There's a really good chance you either said it's a better lie than you are. They're going to spot it right off the bat. Secondly, they could be luring you into a trap to see if you will lie. Thirdly, the chances are they're going to find out that you lied to him eventually is really high and then the penalties and the taxes are going to be way higher than what you had in the first place.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“If I'm trying to bring a better future, if I'm being genuine and honest, like I compliment you. If my compliment is genuine. Not manipulation. But if I think. You're, you got a pair of shoes that are the dumbest looking things I've ever seen. And I go, wow, those are great shoes. Now that's manipulat”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Manipulation is whether or not I'm trying to exploit you hurt you. Am I trying to manipulate a bank robber into let me save his life? So, manipulation is like, what am I trying to do to you?”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He's been involved. He run and built my company. And now he's going to be an affiliated license. He run his own operation. He's pretty much going to end up doing very much. It's going to open his entrepreneurial opportunities to do whatever he wants and not have his dad say no.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, and actually, probably my son, Bra Yeah, he's ridiculously talented. I mean, he's ridiculously talented. There's no such thing as a child prodigy. He just got interested when they were a kid. I mean, Brandon started learning how to negotiate when he was two years old. And he's been in it and immersed in it since he can make complete sentences, even before he can make complete sentences. He's ridiculously talented.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You got to pivot to agreed upon implementation to really move out of the negotiation. And I may say, how do you want to proceed? And if you don't know, I might say now we're into question. Is it a ridiculous idea if I share with you some ideas of how to proceed?”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Without question, I'm completely convinced that if the person is using a word. A means of getting what they want Then either accidentally or on purpose either in their gut or they know they got a bad position or their gut is afraid that they are. Do I use a word? What I'll say is I want you to feel like I've treated you fairly, and at any given point in time you think I'm not treating you fairly, I want you to stop me. We're going to address it”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And then it starts getting repeated. And now there are different people on the player's side who are going like, yeah, maybe they have given us a fair offer. It caused people to be insecure about their own positions. It's an enormously powerful word that can be used and abused. And it almost always comes up in every negotiation. It's shocking the number of times it comes up with people who don't really understand how or why it's coming up.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Maybe even longer than that. One of the sticking points was the owners were not opening their books to the players. Players wanted to see the numbers In order to not open their books, they just sent a rep to held a press conference saying we've given them players a fair off Well, if it was fair you'd have opened your books. If you gave them a fair offer and it was justified by what was in your books, you'd open them to prove your point. So, what ends up happening though that they gave the plan?”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's usually used, it's most frequently used as a weapon. Abused as a point of manipulation. It's what people say when they feel backed into a corner and they can't come up with any legitimate reason as to why they're being backed into a corner. Nobody uses the word the F bomb. Nobody uses the word fair when they've got criteria to back them up. So consequently, when somebody starts dropping it, you got to realize the other side's got no legitimate outside criteria. They're feeling very vulnerable. They can't explain it, but they feel defensive. And it's saying, hey, look, I've given you a fair offer. A way for me to knock you off your game if you're not aware of it. So, a lot of cutthroat negotiations are going to use it on you to knock you off your game. The NFL strike probably now. It's been a good 10 years ago.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“If it tamps down the negative emotions, often exhaustion will tamp down the negative emotions. And if it puts you, getting, the real trick is really getting negative emotions out of the way because you're dumber in a negative frame of mind.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Every negotiation involving warring parties in the Middle East that you can imagine was in Cyprus. He was in Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran. The Iranian government had tremendous trust in him as a Westerner, a representative of the UN, got all the Westerners out of Beirut. And he was just ridiculously patient. Which side found exhaust would often find exhausting.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Got to be careful with that. Some people exhaust intentionally. One of my negotiation heroes, a guy now who's unfortunately suffering from dementia and Alzheimer's, John Domenico Pico is the UN hostage negotiators that got all the Western hostages out of Beirut in the 80s. And he wrote a book called Man Without a Gun. And I acquainted with Johnny at this point in time. I don't think he has any memory of who I am at all. He writes in his book. One of the great secrets of negotiation is exhausting the other side. Political negotiations that could be Johnny was very deferential In the middle of the 80s leading up to about 1986-ish.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's principally by asking what and how questions. People love to tell others what to do or how to do it. It does a lot. That was really the way when the book was first written. We really thought about what and how questions is given the other side the illusion of control. And there's a lot more to it than that that we've discovered. I mean, it triggers deep thinking, it wears people down, deep thinking can be exhausting.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You're thinking, or, and I love your description, the feeling of intimacy and silence and experiencing the moment, because I'm actually going to factor that into trying to get the accommodators love shared intimacy. We would love to experience a moment. And I can see that being very compelling them be willing to cross that chasm and experience silence and see how it works for them.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That is, and so There's much to it. But the other two types are natural wiring against it until they've experienced it. And your gut instinct, intuition's giving you data once you've experienced it. But your amygdala is kicking into gear. Again, sorry, I realize it's more complicated than that. Until you've experienced it, so accommodators hope based. How do they signal fury, the silent treatment? So when you go silent, they're scared to death, you're furious. That's how they indic The Louisianas went silent because you want him to talk some more. When a point of fact,”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yes. And The other two types until they've experienced that are afraid of it. And what I'm actually going to do Whatever reason I'm really comfortable with silence, I think because I've experienced its effectiveness and also my son, Brandon. Like he coaches people, he says, go silent, count thousands to yourself. Don't stop till you run out of numbers.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Shut down everything you just said, if anything, it sounds like we're never going to make a deal. But he tried to use this label for manipulation. Now the guy didn't get mad on the other side, but it's like clearly this dude is not listening to me.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I'm teaching labels, and you know, one of the kids in a class, he just wants to take the skills and make his deals and just hustle them. And he's just looking for a So he writes up a paper about, you know, he goes, there's some moles, I think, by Palm Springs or someplace, some outlet moles. A lot of people go to buy suits. So he goes in there and he immediately starts the bargaining. That my book teaches with no empathy. And he's like, throws a price to the guy. And the guy's like, no. And he throws another price at the guy, and guys, like, And then he says to the guy behind the counter, sounds like we can make a deal.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What would make it bad? If I'm pointing out like that blatantly obvious, like if I say, look. I need you to get up and go down to the bank and make the deposit. Let's say I'm talking to my Somebody works in my company Need you to get on the phone with this person and make the appointment and they go, sounds like you want me to talk to this person. Would be annoying If it just looks so absurdly obvious There's no insight in your label at all. And as soon as you're... demonstrating an awareness or a subtlety or an insight either to you or to them. We're making progress. So, the only time a label could ever potentially be kind of productive is like if you weren't actually listening. And the label is. Indicates that you're not listening, you know. Teaching at U”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source