YouSaid · the spoken record
Chris Voss
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- 2023-03-10
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- 2023-03-10
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“I said earlier that old progression from you sound angry to this is probably going to make you angry to I know you're angry. Labeling is hanging a label on an emotion or an affect and then just calling it out.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Using the name is really context driven. Can be extremely powerful with someone who's genuine and it comes across in their demeanor. It's used in a way that you can tell is meant to encourage you. As opposed to explore you. And the people that are really into exploiting will also use it to do the same thing.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I'll always ask him, you know, how'd you go on IQ? And typically their IQ is pretty high. Now I don't know why that combination attracts people to marrying because there's nine skills. Eight from hostage negotiation. And then the ninth really was tone of voice. And we just define that as a skill. And each one is different and focuses on different components of the conversation. And a lot of people don't like the mirror. They found it so awkward. Like, I don't particularly, I'm not particularly strong in mirroring. I got to do it intentionally. I'm good at label”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Mirroring is like, it's one of the most fun skills because it's the simplest to execute. You just repeat one to three. Ish words of what somebody said. Usually the last one or three words. What I found about it is People that really like mirroring love it because it's so simple and so effortless and invisible. Typically, for lack of a better term, tend to be both high IQ and high EQ. Like I'm not a high IQ guy. I'm an average dude. I like to think that I can learn In EQ, emotional intelligence is a skill you can build. And I'm always working on building it. A lot of really regular average people Like mirroring that stupid, I'm not doing that. And I don't know why they don't like it. But when I find somebody that loves to mirror,”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Get mad, scaring the other side into a deal. Getting mad at using anger strategically. Bully the other side into an agreement.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Come to agreement 45 minutes and never see each other again because there's the implementation of the deal, even if it's only payment. So, the data is flawed based on the way it was collected. It's a highly flawed study. And all data is flawed, as you know, as a scientist. You just got to be aware of what the flaws are and decide whether or not that destroys the study. Or what do you think? Take a look at the data. There's no such thing as perfect data. Look at the data, see what you think of it. The data that says that strategic umbrage works is based on flawed circumstances.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He sort of taught me how to think about data and studies and science. And also from different books that he's turned me on to has really helped me think about this stuff. So the studies about strategic umbrage. Done, the ones that I've seen that show it's effective. There were simulated negotiations with college students. Now, here's the problem with that. A simulated negotiation with a college student. College students are going to sit down as part of their assignment. They're going to sit down one time. They're going to sit down for 45 minutes. And they're going to think that if they didn't come to a deal at all, that they failed. And there's no ongoing implementation. There's just the deal and then they walk away of a pretend situation. So they got no actual real skin in the game. There's no deal on earth. Do you sit down?”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You're funnier than he is, though. I'll give you that He's funny accidentally. He makes me laugh all the time, not when he's trying to be funny.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's never a long term value in it. It's another thing that tall rise when we were writing a book braced me on. He said there's scientific data out there that's called strategic umbrage. Whether or not it's scientific, I would call that into question. Said there's studies out there that show that strategic umbrage works. And another thing that I also enjoy. You probably get tired of me saying wonderful things about Andrew.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He tells us afterwards that Sitting still. Not even answering. When he first gets hit in the face with the assertive's voice, his heart rate jumped to one hundred seventy. Which is a typical fight or flight reaction. I come at you like I'm fighting you. Your fight flight mechanisms all kick into gear, which clouds your thinking. You're automatically dumber in the moment. So, if I want to make a great long-term deal with you, highly profitable. I'm agnostic to you being profitable, you be profitable, that's fine. I'm here to make money for me. Me making you dumber will always hurt me. Me making you feel attacked will always hurt me.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, yes, because I need you to hear me. The assertive tone of voice. So when we do our training, typically we do an exercise called 60 Seconds or She Dies. And I play the bad guy bank robber, and I ask you to be the hostage negotiator. And your job is to give you the four world constraints. And then you got to try and negotiate me out of the bank. Now, we're doing this. Now, the first voice that I always use in that exercise is the assertive's voice. Which is the commanding voice. It's the voice that all police officers have taught to use in a street. Issued loud and clear commands. To me, I don't feel like I'm attacking you. I just feel like I'm being direct and honest and clear. You, on the other hand, feel attacked. We're doing this exercise in Austin a couple of years ago. The first participant has an Apple watch on.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The sort of voice is almost always counterproductive. It feels like getting hit in the face with a brick. And that's almost always counterproductive. So for me to be more effective, especially in a negotiation, I'll need to slow down and smile.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, you can learn them. They're all learnable. Analysts are often mistaken for combinators. Because, as you said before, analysts are more introspective, more analytical. They're looking at the systems at work. If they like to learn, they notice Accommodators make more deals than they make. They also notice that there's a higher failure rate of the deals. But since they notice stuff and they think about it, they catch on faster than assertives do that the pleasant nature of an accommodator contributes strongly to the making deals. Like my daughter-in Is an analyst. Another descriptor we have an analyst are assassins. An analyst will snipe you from a thousand yards out in the middle of the night, and you never know what hits you. And they're really happy with that.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I'm 100% convinced that the phrase hope is not a strategy. Is designed at people's frustration over a third of the population being accommodators that are hope-driven. I hope this works out. Their very relationship on the surface, their very relationship oriented, they tend to appear to be very positive than they are. It's really built around hope.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's the craziest thing. I mean, there's an affect that a city can have. And northeast, not just New York, but the northeast is a little more the affect. Of the area, of the culture of the area. Individuals still boil down into the three types across the board.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Stop catching me on what I said. How dare you accuse me of what I've said, to quote Bono. I stand accused of what I've said, the things I've said.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Biggest goofball ever from if you live in the south yeah maybe i'm a new yorker or i'm somebody from la or somebody from chicago My geography is foreign to you, but as soon as I start dialing in on how you see things Suddenly you're listening”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. And that happens all the time. When people talk about what about cross-cultural negotiations, you know, what hand do I got to shake hands with? So that I can get my way. Well, if you strip it all down, we're all basically the same blank slate when we were born. Everybody's got a limbic system. Everybody's limbic system works pretty much the same way. People are driven by the same sorts of decisions. How does this affect my future? What am I at risk of losing? How does this affect my identity? I caught a kidnapper. New York City businessman. You're a tobacco farmer in the South. All making those same decisions based on those same things. So as soon as I start to navigate that and it... I tailor my approach, which is what empathy is, to what you think, how you see things. So I can”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Going to feel abandoned by their government. They're going to feel totally alone. They're going to be scared. And they're going to be angry. Because they feel the government abandon them. Now, there, in point of fact, is this an accurate statement that their loved one voluntarily went into a war zone and voluntarily went someplace their government told them not to go? The facts that the government abandoned them? Absolutely not. As a matter of fact, the government tried to get them to not go and they went anyway. But that doesn't change how they felt in a moment. And I'd walk into a house and I'd go, I know you're angry. I know you feel abandoned and alone. I know you're horrified and I know you feel the United States government has abandoned you. And they would look at me and go, What do we do now Ready to”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Could say to you sound angry, in which case she's going to blow up because her reaction is, you made me angry, Bozo. Can you act like you're an innocent third party or that you were independent of how I feel bad? You learn a little bit more and you say. The high level is this probably going to make you angry. And then what I did with families. I knew how they felt before I walked on the door. I knew that they were scared to death. You find out that your husband, your father, your brother has been grabbed by al Qaeda who are in the business of chopping people's heads off? Going to be horrified. I can't walk into them and go like, You sound angry. Of course I'm angry, you idiot. Knowing what they are. I used to walk into families' houses. And I'd say, I know you're angry. Now, what are the circumstances dictate that they should also feel?”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“At that first time I've heard that he's in Re. So, what's this got to do with families? Empathy at its base level and the shoe level, I learned it on the suicide hotline, is saying like, you sound angry. I'm just calling out the elephant in the room. Your emotions, what's driving you? I'm throwing a label on your affect and I'm saying you sound or it sounds like you are because that's the basic karate kid wax on approach now there are a lot of hostage negotiators that will tell you empathy doesn't work at home not true they've never gotten out of shoe Getting ready to talk to your significant other. And you want to go someplace. You know, is going to make her angry. You want to go do something.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And you don't realize that you're making up your own rules. And if somebody asks you where you learned that, you probably say, you know, my sensei taught it to me. My master taught it to me. This would come back around the negotiating with families pretty quick. Did this once because there's a bunch of people that we coach, business people that are scared of the amount of money that they're losing if we're not coaching them regularly. Of these guys, Michael, we're interviewing him for a social media posting about two years ago. And Michael says, yeah, you know, you got to gather data with your eyes. And I remember, and I went, I like that. I said, where did you hear that before? And he goes, You know, I don't know. I heard it from you, I think. And I was like, no, no, no, no. I didn't remember saying that.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Empathy, learning empathy the hard way. And then being able to take it up to higher levels. Because at its base level, a guy that we're working with now that's coaching us in the U.S. and is a business partner, his name is Jonathan Smith. He pointed out to us. There's kind of a shuha re concept. Are you familiar with shoehari? It's a martial arts concept And she was do it exactly as the master is telling you to do it. Wax on, wax off, crudy kid stuff. Is when you've done the repetitions enough times, you get a feel for it. And you begin to see the same lessons coming from other masters. You're seeing the same thing show up in other places. At the relevel, you're still in the discipline, but you're making up your own rules. It's almost a flow state.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, the stuff we went through with al-Qaeda in and around Iraq and Saudi. First one was in Saudi in 2004 time frame. The hardest part about that was working with family members. Not deceiving them. About the possibility outcome.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And every now and then I would jump in. Somebody supporting Israel, whoever the heck they were. And they'd say a couple things. Palestinian guy would be like our gal or supportive of them would say, you know, you missed some stuff. And I'd say, let me jump in. First of all, I know what the knockby is. That's the day Israel was born. You, you know, for the rest of the world's birth of Israel fused the Nakbah. I said, you've got members of your family. Is still walking around, carrying keys to the front door of the house they abandoned. He'd be like, yeah. And I'd say you feel bad that in point of fact that in World War II, the World stood back and watched while the Nazis threw the Jews off a building. Only problem was they landed on you And they'd be like, yeah. That's where they're coming from”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Not one person lost control. Of the two sides, the people that were speaking on behalf of the Israelis were a little better. Articulating supportive positions for the Palestinians. Most of the people who want to speak up on behalf of the Palestinians, they just want to start in like, you're doing this. And I'd say, no, no, no, you can go there, just not yet. Before you go, that you can say that all you want. Before you go there, you've got to try to articulate to them where they're coming from. They got to tell you you got it right. And what would consistently happen is there's a leveling out of a person to try to see the other side's perspective and articulate it. It's enormously beneficial to the person who's trying to do it, which was really the point that we were trying to make”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You had to say, before I disagree with you, here's what I think your position is. And you got to continue to state the other side's position until they agree that you've gotten it. Now, what happened? No agreement and no arguments. That was what we were really going for. We wanted to show that people on both sides in one of their emotional timeframes, if your only requirement was you had to state the other side's position first. Nobody got out of control. That's exactly what happened. Not one. We wanted to show people that you can have conversations that do not devolve into screaming matches with vitriol, talking about how you're dedicated to the destruction of the other side just first. See if you can outline where they're coming from”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And are they going to storm and specially designated ammunition dumps? No, they're going to put them in schools. They're going to put them in hospitals. They're going to put them in all places when Israel hits them. They're going to look really bad. So after while Israel gets fed up and they start shelling Gaza and they're hitting these places Of mine, Nicole Hosting rooms on Clubhouse, and she says, You got to come on. The vitriol is killing me. These are alternative screaming matches. Nobody's talking to anybody. I said, all right, cool. We'll go on. We'll do it and watch. We won't have a single argument. We'll invite people on from both sides. There was one rule before you started to describe what you thought of the other side.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Compromised, they might be on either side. Few straight players in the game in the Middle East. Or anywhere, for that matter. They want a better future for their kids. You get people to agree that you want a better future for your kids. And then, all right, so we got a mutual point in the future, the Israeli Palestinian negotiations. Or also for me, interesting because you mentioned Clubhouse about almost two years ago now. When Israel was Shelling Gaza, they hit the UPI office. They were hitting, they got fed up with the rocket attacks from Hamas. And of course, Hamas is putting rockets in the UPI office or the AP office, whichever press office it was there. How's that office going to be there otherwise? Hamas is running a show. You're not going to run that office unless they let them store weapons there. That's just part of the game.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, and it did a movie a long time ago called Back to School. He went back to school. He was an old guy back to school. So I went back to school after I left the FBI. I did get a master's at Harvard Kennedy And that's where I'm running across people on both sides of that. And when they could talk, they said, let's start from the premise that we both sides want a better life for our kids, which is this version that I was telling you earlier from Tom Gorardi. Let's pick a point in the future. happ And he found that they could talk. You know, all right. So it might not be better for us. How do we make it better for our kids? And that's where the hope derives from. Because I think both sides ultimately want it to be better for their kids, which is why Still engage in interactions, and which is why I think the leadership, regardless of how.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, I think there's hope. Then I get friends on both sides and also When I got my, after I left the FBI, most people listened to this, probably not going to remember who Rodney Dangerfield was.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The bad guys were never there to make a deal in the first place if it was suicide by Cobb. If they were there. If they're on a killing journey An Israeli phrase. They're on a killing journey and the actions that they're currently engaged in are part of that killing journey.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, this gets core values, your view of reality. If it's an abundant world, it's not scary to walk away. If it's a finite world with limited opportunities, then it's horrifying.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because this guy was playing the whole time. Al Qaeda 2004. They're playing us. They're not negotiating. We called them out on it. I don't think you're negotiating. You didn't say it exactly like that, but that was absolutely the approach. Confront people on their behavior in a respectful way.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Which meant if you start seeing this stuff show up, this thing's probably going bad. And you're going to need to recognize that from the very beginning and adjust accordingly. And it's the same way in business and personal life. I'm talking to the head of a marketing company. I have tremendous respect for. I admire what this guy in this company does started from scratch. He borrowed space in the back of a drugstore. To start his company And now it's hugely successful. And he's laying out to me He finally had to confront a potential client and walk away from him. And he said, How do you think I handle this? My answer was thousand percent correct. And as a matter of fact, the behavior that he indicated, he's a type and And you should have walked away sooner than you did.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And you have to accept the fact there's some deals you're never going to make. You know, we teach in my company it's not a sin to not get the deal. It's a sin to take a long time to not get the deal. And Gary, in his infinite wisdom. They realized that there was something called suicide by cop. And that it might have Gary was very much into clusters of behavior. He kept us away from psychological terms, and there would be clusters of behavior that would be high risk indicators. And he wrote a block of instruction called High Risk Indicators.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“All right, so it depends upon whether or not you're doing it with integrity or a tactic to start with. And it also. Hostage negotiators are successful 93% of the time, kind of across the board. Which means that the 7% of time is going to go bad. And that was my old boss, Gary Nessner, I learned so much from Gary. One of a phrase that he used over and over and over again until I finally worked the case and went bad was this is going to be the best chance of success, best chance of success and then something went bad and I remember thinking like well best chance of success is no guarantee of success Your question is are there negotiations you should walk away from? If you got no shot at success, then don't negotiate.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. First of all, most psychological terms. A hostage negotiator, and really we were never into psychology. And we steered away from it Psychology at best is a soft science. If it's not informed these days, if it's not informed by Real studies or Neuroscience, the guys that I'm impressed with these days, psychologists neuroscientists. Now, I'm interested in that guy or gal. Then psychology convention. Do you get them all together and they all agree?”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“At the beginning, him even opening that dialogue with North Korea was masterful. I was such a fan when you got a president of the United States that is willing to sit down and talk with the leader of another nation when every other president, all our advisors are saying the leader of North Korea is beneath you you cannot dignify him by responding to him directly and consequently the Trump administration inherits a can of worms that has been simmering for thirty years. He didn't get a sent to that and he and he opened up a dialogue where nobody else was capable of opening a dialogue and then it just went away nobody knows what happened. And there was no deal made Great negotiators make deals.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“No. I think he's a great marketer. If you look at his negotiation track record, all right, so I started following Donald Trump in the 80s when I was in New York. I'm a last century guy, he's a last century guy. We've got mutual acquaintances. The minister that married him to Marla Maples was a friend of mine, a close friend of mine, and in 1998, I threw a fundraiser in his apartment at Trump Tower that he attended. So no shortage of mutual friends. We went to the same church. Still have mutual acquaintances, friends. And I've watched his track record negotiation history. Which is exactly his track record with North Korea. Where are we with North Korea? What was the deal that he made with North Korea? So, your answer is the same as everybody else's. Well, I remember it started out with a lot of fanfare.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And he also, just like this, in my view, destroys the idea of common ground. Because when he first started to run for president, the pundits all said, I's a New Yorker. Nobody in the Republican Party is going to like him. It's middle America. You know, it's blue-collar, you know, it's regular common folks, factory workers. They're not going to like Trump because he's from New York and he went to Wharton. He's an Ivy Leagueer and he's a son of a wealthy real estate mogul and he had a million dollars handed to him when he got out of college You know, he's born with a silver spoon spoon in his mouth. The rank and fire Republicans had never gonna accept this guy. Based on common ground Look how smart that was.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, it means that what you just heard you think is unequivocally the truth. It's dead on. It hit the target. It's a bullseye. And it's been a topic of discussion, especially between my son and I, a lot like what happens. So oxytocin bonding moment. And his contention has always been like Donald Trump is the poster child of what it means because Donald Trump's an address in an audience, he's in a debate with Hillary or he's given a speech someplace. And when the people that are devoted to him, when they believe that what he's just said is completely right, it's insightful. They look at him or they look at the TV and they go, that's right. And it's what people say when they're bought into what they just heard. Now, if you're not convinced of the way that Donald Trump's followers are bonded to him,”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Ah, getting and given. See that, and here's the issue that trips everybody up in negotiation. The difference between hearing and speaking, the same words are vastly different. And what I'm looking for is the responses I'm getting out of you. Because if you can't, first that's right, especially if you can't appreciate what that really means, hearing it is unsatisfying.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But what makes this different in person? I actually think there's energy that we don't have the instrumentation to define yet. And I think that there's a feel, I think there's an actual energetic feel that changes. And just because we don't, again, just because we can't. Measure it doesn't mean it's not there.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I think there's actually. We get asked this in a black swarm group all the time, you know, Zoom, that's bad, you know, because you don't have the same visual feedback on Zoom. And that's not true. Like, you and I, I see you from the waist up right now. If we're on Zoom, I'd be looking at you from the waist up.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Then in one of the relationship podcasts, and I'm listening to on Andrew, it says oxytocin inclines people to tell the truth. You're more honest. All right. So you feel deeply understood by me. You bond to me and you start getting more honest with me. Serot Neurochemical satisfaction. Epiphany, you feel oxytocin and serotonin. Being understood. All right, I got you bonding to me. I got you being more honest with me. And I got you feeling more satisfied so you want less. More than one out of a negotiat”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And again, I know I picked the vast majority of this up on Andrews podcast, but it picked it up in other places because early on. We were putting a book together, Tall Raz, the writer. My son uncredited co-author. So the book's really collaboration between me, my son Brandon, and Tall Ross. And we're driving for that's right. You know, when somebody feels like what you've said is completely their position, they say that's right. You're right, but that's right. So Taul says, you know, I think what's happening here is you're triggering a subtly epiphany in somebody. So I'm like, all right, I'll buy that. So I start looking up the neuroscience of the feeling of epiphany. Getting ahead of oxytocin and serotonin. Oxytocin is a bonding drug Bond to me. I don't bond to you. When you feel completely understood by me, you bond to me.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think compassion is helpful, but it's not essential. Like, if you just know where I'm coming from, the feeling of being understood.”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I started realizing that there was enough room on a planet for him. And that people dying. was stupid. And they would slowly work things out by getting these guys together in person. So, how long does it take? Who's hosting it? It's a good idea”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think it's eminently possible. I think getting people together in person has always been a good idea. Now, how many times? Who's getting them together under what circumstances and how many times you getting them together? Documentary The Human Factor about the Mide's peace negotiations, mostly through the 90s, mostly into the Clinton administration. Got kicked off under Bush 41. And then the documentary continues through Trump. But just touching basically on it. But they're getting Arafat and the different Israeli prime ministers together in person. These guys do not want to talk to each other, and depending upon the prime minister. The mere thought of being on the same planet with Harafat was offensive. They started getting these guys together in perch and regularly, and they started seeing each other's human beings”
2023-03-10 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #364 – Chris Voss: FBI Hostage Negotiator · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source