YouSaid · the spoken record

Doctor Karen Gurney

lines on the record: 118
first: 2024-02-19
most recent: 2024-02-19
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“Well, I'll obviously have to focus it on sex. And it's going to be create a culture of talking about sex often, initiate freely and be really comfortable with being turned down.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“She said to me, There are many qualities required to be a good clinical psychologist, unfortunately you don't have any of them.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Absolutely, yeah, but I think we are, we feel fear about the concept of it simply because in our mind that is a threat to our connection. I think it's a really interesting concept and it'll be fascinating to see where we go with different relationship structures in the decades that follow.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and we, you know, one of our ideas about sex and sexual relationships is that the attraction and desire we have for our partner or the romantic love we have for our partner is finite. And that if it moves to someone else, it's lost from us. And it's a really interesting concept that we only really have with romantic love. Like we don't have it with love for our children. We don't think if we have another one, we'll stop loving the first one. And we don't have it for our friends, right? We can have multiple friends and love them all equally or love them all differently.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think, you know, direct is good, but also if you want to test the waters, you might say, like we talked about earlier with communication, I was listening to this podcast. Turns out that, you know, a lot of us choose monogamy without even thinking it through. Did you do that? Did you choose monogamy? Did you know that was right for you? I've been thinking about this for myself recently. I don't know why I chose it.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, but like monogamy, it only works if you work at it because there are another set of things that you might need to work at that are, you know, you might not need to work on novelty. You might not need to work on predictability because you're getting that with different partners, but you do need to work on boundaries, communication, how you manage it together and the constant flux of that. So it all requires work.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, absolutely. And I have plenty of people come and see me that are moving from monogamy into opening up and want to think about how they can do that in a way that privileges their kind of primary relationship. So that's actually a really wonderful thing to work with. I love working with those couples because actually they're really able to think outside the box and they can separate their love from each other and their commitment to each other from their sexual interests. And they cannot be threatened by the idea of sex elsewhere. It's really fun to work with.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, I mean, there are many different words, but in terms of open relationship structures of which there are many, I think they're on the rise. And I think that's a good thing because I think all of us, a bit like, as I said earlier, that idea of compulsory heterosexuality, you're kind of monogamous and straight unless you prove otherwise or choose otherwise, right? It'd be great if we all had an idea that, well, you could be any of those things and there is not one that's best or right. But why don't you look at all the options before you make your mind up?”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What we know about long term monogamy spontaneous desire will drop, sexual currency will drop, person will become very familiar, you'll need to find ways to keep sex novel, you'll need to not order the set menu, you'll need to go for the buffet, you need to bring different versions of yourself into sex. There's so many things that you need to be conscious of if you choose monogamy if you want a good sex life. And I think monogamy tends to bring with it an idea that that person will just always remain sexually interested in you because you've married them. Or perhaps you don't need to work at it. And I think those things can be quite harmful, those ideas.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's fine if people choose it. Of course it is. But I think if you choose monogamy, I think you have to have your eyes open to the fact that you can't expect that that means you'll maintain sexual interest for that person without any effort.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know, it's not a very popular answer, this. And actually, when I post about this on my socials, people hate it because it really disrupts what a lot of us are doing. I'm monogamous myself, right? But we are not destined to be monogamous. There isn't anything about humans that means that we're designed to maintain a sexual interest in the same person for a long amount of time. That's why if we have sex with the same person forever, if you don't work at it, if you don't nurture it, if you don't allow growth, it's going to be challenging because we're not designed to do it. Our brains, they get bored, they need novelty. They don't like predictability. So we're not designed to be monogamous. And I think what's fascinating is that we all just kind of fall into it because it's a social construct that is kind of politically and economically and historically present. We just think that's what we should do.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I think there's often a big worry that those body changes will influence attraction. And again, because we don't talk about it, people never get to find out. So a lot of people tell me that they're worried that their partner won't find them as attractive because they've got stretch marks or because their body looks different. And actually they've never voiced that. Part of the success of therapy is people speak the things that they don't speak elsewhere. And sometimes just having a conversation about those things means that the problem is removed instantly by someone saying, well, actually, no, I can see your body's change. But, you know, the way your belly looks isn't the sole attraction that I have for you. So yes, it's changed, but no, it's not shifted my attraction for you. So yeah, changes to body image and how that affects you during sex, but also what you worry a partner might think can be a huge thing for parents.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Absolutely. The symptoms of menopause can be really unpleasant for a lot of people, not for everyone, of course, but things like hot flushes and aches and pains and mood changes. They obviously can really disrupt your interest in sex. There's also other things going on in menopause that are more kind of psychosocial as well, often around stage of life, long-term relationships. All the things we've talked about around desire. And sometimes the work is figuring out how much of it is to do with menopause, which some of it might be, how much of it was there before, and is exacerbated by those symptoms of menopause. But it's really important. In fact, hormonal fluctuations for all people with menstrual cycles actually are quite important when it comes to sex. And we do see changes across the monthly cycle in people's receptiveness to sex and also the types of sex that they're interested in.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Place to be because we know that our first sexual experience is actually quite influential in dictating our sexual satisfaction lifelong. So to be able to go into sex with more knowledge, to be able to have an experience that is good rather than bad, which is most people's first experience, I think that's a great gift that we can give younger people.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I really am actually there is, I think there's been a boost of sex positivity in the media, on social media, on TV shows like sex education. I think what I've noticed is that's not yet trickled down to the therapy room. So, you know, what I see and think is happening, I guess because I'm plugged into those things and the types of people I follow on social media, I really feel like it's changing and people are understanding more about sex, feeling more assertive about sex, understanding that it doesn't have to look one way, looking at different relationship structures, not just assuming monogamy, not just assuming heterosexuality, but actually what I see in the therapy room is that's not trickled down yet. And so my hope is that in the decade that follows, we'll be in quite a different place. And, you know, for me as a parent of two boys, that's quite an exciting.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I would say not, but I mean, some people are obviously fine with it, but the reaction I got from people on my social media was this is a major problem. And I'd never heard of it before. I've never seen it written in research. It's a new thing. Maybe it's lockdown. Everyone got pets.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And if you put them outside, my understanding, because I've heard this as cats as well, my understanding is that they will bark and scratch at the door. It's not like you can keep them away very easily. This is a massive challenge. Pets should come with a warning label. Your sex”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, it's a big deal when you think about what we talked earlier about attention and distraction because nobody really wants to have to take account of a third person in, well, unless you want a third person in the room, but, you know, a pet in the room, basically. It's quite distracting, right?”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This was a massive surprise to me. I've been doing this job decades, and only recently something came up on my install and it blew up with people saying, yeah, my pet's constantly ruining the mood. They're either trying to get involved or they're watching or they're in the room or it puts the other person off. This was one of the biggest surprises to me, honestly”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I won't do that. You know what's one of the most unexpected things after twenty years of doing my job, one of the things that has come up a lot recently that has surprised me, and it may not surprise you, I don't know if you've got any, but the impact of pets on people's sex lives. Have you got any pets”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The third is probably navigating change. So we talked earlier about how sexual relationships need to be able to flex and allow growth for us as individuals. And quite often, because we can't talk about it, growth happens for one person and then they're suddenly not getting their sexual needs met. So, for example, they might suddenly decide that there's something that they're into or want to explore that they do not feel able to talk about with their partner and without it the sexual relationship is at crisis point. And so we need to be able to allow space for that sexual relationship to see whether it can withstand that change and growth and create that culture of growth.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It would be the first one and by far the most popular is We have a great relationship and it's a problem with sex, usually a problem with initiation or desire, that is by far the most common presentation. We love each other immensely. We have so much respect for each other. We have a great partnership but sex just doesn't happen or it doesn't happen in the way that we want. The second is probably specific problems that people have with their bodies and sex. People that are experiencing pain, particularly painful penetration, people who are worrying about erections, worrying about orgasms, these things are all quite common.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Decades later there's tons of resentment. Maybe it is the best thing. At that point, and perhaps that is a good outcome for some people.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So the Gottmans talk about the four horsemen and they talk about resentment as being an aspect of a relationship dynamic that often means that it can be quite hard for people to recover from that and for the relationship to survive. Sometimes when you're talking about sex, if resentment comes across quite strongly in the way that people talk to each other, it gives you a good indication that this is going to be quite challenging. I would say though that sometimes unrecoverable is a good outcome because we're not necessarily destined to be monogamous. We're not necessarily destined to be with one person. Yes, social convention makes us feel that that should be the case. But for some people, a good outcome is having a split and a good sexual relationship with someone else. So sometimes identifying that it's unrecoverable because it's gone so far. It's been so long, perhaps they were never that sexually compatible in the first place.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I wish people would do it sooner. They always wait until it's got really bad, and by that time it's fine we can still reverse it. There's a lot we can do, but all these habits have kind of settled in, all of this awkwardness, pressure, resentment, people have moved to quite polarized positions. It would be great if people came earlier. I'd like people to think of someone like me, a bit like a personal trainer for your sex life. But you don't necessarily go to a personal trainer just when, I don't know, things are terrible. You go because you want to improve something. Maintain. Yeah, or maintain. I'd love people to see it that way.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Currency, high levels of awkwardness, not prioritizing time together, parenthood is basically a juggle of priorities, right, all the time. There's always something else you should be doing. And so the sex that you have has to be enticing enough for your brain to say, yeah, I'm going to sacrifice that for sex. Because there's always something else that you should be doing with your time. So it's those habits that we fall into around our sex lives that dictate how quickly people get back into it.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Sex comes back in typically. Yeah. So we know that people start getting sleep from when their kid is about six. But obviously if you've got another one that's a bit younger, then you might be starting the process all over again. So given that sleep's so important, the older they get, the better that is for people's sex lives. I mean, it's hugely variable. So there are plenty of people that start having sex again, you know, within three months of their baby being born. And yes, it may be less frequent than before, but it doesn't disrupt their sex lives as much. And then there's plenty of people whereby it might take them a year to even start having sex again. And then the frequency of having sex might stay quite infrequent for some time. What's interesting though in how quickly people get back to it is that how quickly people get back to it is often about the habits that they've then fallen into as a sexual couple. So low levels of sexual”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“someone else crying and having to deal with it, which we know disrupts the part of our sleep, the REM sleep, which actually we need for our sexual functioning So even just knowing that as a parent and knowing that, look, if you're getting up many times a night, don't worry about your sex life for the time being. What you can do as a couple is focus on sharing that more equally. Because if one of you is getting a good night's sleep and feeling horny all the time and another one's getting up three times and sex is the last thing on the mind, probably the best thing that you can do is try and share it.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, yeah, big relationship between sleep and sex for all of us. We know that if you get a good night's sleep, your chances of having sex the next day increase by 14%. So that's for all of us. When it comes to parents, there is some quite interesting data about the impact of nighttime waking on your sex life. We know that the number of times you get up in the night to tends to a child like to go to the cot or the bed to see to a crying child the number of times you get up has an impact on what's happening in your sex life and for your desire. So we tend to see the more times you get up, the less happy you are with your sex life and the reason for that is because not getting a good night's sleep disrupts how the body responds to sexual response, so the chemicals in the body that help us be prepared for arousal to build. But also it's the cognitive distraction of being woken up by something quite upset.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This trajectory 10 15 years down the line were likely to be in a place where sex is unrecoverable versus if we make a small change, a degree or two to the left or right, very small changes over the long term we might end up in an entirely different destination, and so the book is all about what are those small changes and this might be surprising to some people it's not having more sex. It's other ways of increasing sexual satisfaction. So for example, we know that when we turn each other down gently for sex, it increases sexual satisfaction. We know that when we increase sexual currency, which doesn't have to take much time, we increase sexual satisfaction. So there are many things that people can do, even if they don't feel they have time or headspace for sex, or until they have the time and headspace for sex, that can just keep that boat kind of.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Even for your partner, yeah, they're not holding anything. They're not remembering the kid's birthdays. They're not thinking they need to buy a present. You're having to do that. That takes your attention away from sex and it also raises your resentment. And sexual satisfaction can really suffer. But there are a few other things that I like to talk about in the book that I think are really important for parents. And one of them is I compare the journey of parenthood a little bit like a kind of navigation across the seas, right? So parenthood is the storm. And it's a storm for everyone. And there are different phases of the storm. And some of it, you just need to batten down the hatches and get through it as unscathed as you can and not worry about sex so much. That might be like the newborn phase. But then there are also parts of the journey where you might have found yourself knocked off course a little bit. And what you actually need to do is take stock of the boat and say, hold on, what's going on here? What are we doing? If we continue.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, it's resentment and it's about what I mentioned earlier about seeing your partner almost as a third child. You're the captain of the house, right? You're the boss of the house. And you have to hold in your mind everything. You're the CEO of the house. You have to hold in your mind everything that needs doing.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Equal, but if you feel as though your partner is pulling their weight, if you feel as though it's not all automatically falling to you, we know that people generally tend to have better sex. So there's all kinds of things which parents need to know about their sex life that they don't.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“People know about pregnancy, people know about trying to conceive. They understand that these things will impact on their sex life. But I think the things that they don't acknowledge or don't realize as much is the trajectory that that sets them on in the early stages and the trajectory that that first year of having a newborn baby will set you on in terms of that reduction in sexual currency, in terms of resentments that might start to breed and how your relationship dynamic becomes. in terms of how equal the mental load is. And we know that the mental load, so that's kind of the unequal division of labor, which often falls on women and heterosexual relationships, particularly when kids come along. We know that there's a direct correlation between couples who divide that household labor in a kind of equitable and transparent way and sexual satisfaction. So it seems quite hard to believe, but actually it doesn't have to be completely.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, this is why it's a real challenge for parents, and I think one of the key things, one of the reasons I wrote the book actually, is because the first thing that we can do for parents is talk about the fact that it's normal. It's not you, it's not your relationship, it's nothing about the two of you together that means you shouldn't be together. It's challenging to have a good sex life when you've got young kids at home. It's challenging for everyone. I think the second thing that we can do is explain to people what the factors are that tend to make a difference.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's right, and we're talking here, remember, about spontaneous desire. Okay Remember there's the responsive desire we talked about earlier and we know that, and this is the interesting bit, when it comes to women's desire, it's actually much more easier to trigger with a wide range of sexual stimuli than men's. So women's responsive desire works brilliantly, you could say it works even better than men's. Spontaneous desire is only one type of desire. It's that feeling of out of the blue lust, horniness, want to rip your clothes off. It's partly attributable to higher levels of androgens like testosterone, but certainly not exclusively. There's a massive social component to it as well. So yes, men find it easier to maintain that. But I think it's really important to say, because there will be men listening to this that will be worried about their desire, as we've said earlier, 15% is actually quite a large number. It's not all men. Some men really struggle to keep hold of that spontaneous desire in a long-term relationship.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and I suggest that the reason for that is that although men experience challenges with desire as well, men find it easier on average to maintain desire for the same person. And as we've already talked about, women struggle to access their spontaneous desire and label that as a problem when it's not. I'm aware we're talking very much about straight couples because that's where we see the majority of sexual problems. But when we talk about men and women having sex together, we also see that orgasm gap. So we see less pleasure and less reward for women, which I think accounts for that slightly higher number.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, there's huge levels of sexual dissatisfaction for people of all genders. Everyone wants to be having more sex, better sex than they're currently having. We know that for women it's around about just over half of women, 52%. And for men, it's about 42% are unhappy with the sex lives that they have. Enormous numbers. That's UK data, 15,000 adults between the ages.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Absolutely. You could be having sex once a year that completely blows your socks off, makes you feel alive, makes you feel super connected, that's really exploratory, where you lose yourself in it. And that is better than having sex once a day where you're not enjoying it, your mind's not in it, it's not pleasurable, you're feeling disconnected, you're feeling awkward. So it's so interesting that we get so hung up on frequency. In fact, the average amount of times people are having sex in the UK if people are interested is around about three times a month. But there is huge amount of variation there. So plenty of people in relationships that haven't had sex for months and are quite happy with that and plenty of people having sex more. But I think having that average is quite useful to talk about because actually it's quite surprisingly different to how most people perceive it should be.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Everyone says three times a week, and It's this kind of urban myth that, again, forms part of our sexual scripts, if we're not having sex three times a week, there's a problem. It's actually drastically different than that, the average times people in the UK and actually it's kind of replicated around the world. But what's fascinating is that we're using frequency as a yardstick of a good sex life. And there is no correlation between the frequency of sex and sexual satisfaction, none whatsoever.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But you want to come back to frequency? Because we talked about that earlier, and this is one of the big myths that people talk about around sex life, which is that the amount of sex that you have matters and it really doesn't. So what I mean by that is that if you ask most people how often they should be having sex a week, I mean, what do you think they'd say, your friends or people on the street?”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Do you know what I mean? It's not that easy to do the two. So your friend's probably right, probably before food is better.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I feel a bit lethargic and stuff. I feel a bit bloated. They don't feel great about their body, perhaps. A lot of people do that. If they're going to have a date night, I mean, I never like date nights because I think by the time you get home from a date night, Maybe had a bit to drink, you've maybe had a bit to eat. It's maybe quite late. It's not the best conditions for having sex, actually. I'd rather, if you had a date night, you kept it on fun, emotional connection, relationship satisfaction, and then you plan an at home date night that's more about physical intimacy.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You know what? All I want you to do is make me come. I don't feel like penetrative sex tonight. If she'd felt confident to say that, I can guarantee there would have been no problem with the erection. The erection would have come as part of it because the whole process would have been arousing.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Without And then we Exactly, and notice that the assumption behind it is that Is that the sex that you're going to have is penis and vagina penetration. Is that even what she wants? And if we could initiate sex in a way that was clearer if we could say to our partners easily, I'm really horny, what I'd really like to do is X and it all be about me. Are you up for that? That's quite different. If we're able to be clear about that, what would that do to your confidence with erections? Does that make sense? If she'd actually gone into that sexual encounter saying”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, all kinds of things. Watching someone else's sexual pleasure can really turn us on Some people, it's really hard for them to get used to enjoying sensation when their penis is soft. They kind of want to avoid it. It'd be great if they didn't and they could be comfortable with enjoying that touch even then But it might mean moving your attention to another person. What usually happens then is that at some point it comes back. But it only comes back if you don't worry about it and if you don't put pressure on it, that has to be not just about you. It has to be about the person you're with as well. Because if they're like, oh, never mind then, we'll just do it another time.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If you're feeling like you want to be sexual, which will move your attention back to sexual things, things that might really turn you on. So for example, giving oral sex is often something that a lot of men say really turn them on. Obviously, it's not for everyone.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So they first need to understand that no erection doesn't mean that you don't want to have sex. It might sometimes, of course, but if you're saying, look, I'm really keen for this. I'm just not there yet, then they need to take that at face value, okay? That's really important. Otherwise, you end up feeling as though it's a judgment on your attraction or your desire for them, which it's not. The second thing is. There needs to be less focus on the need for the penis to be hard, and that comes from delineating this idea of this set menu of sex, which means our penis has to be part of it. There's plenty of other things that you could do sexually.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I'm so glad you mentioned it because it's so common. And it's common because this is called arousal non-concordance. So an idea that our bodies don't always do what our brains are thinking. So you might think you want to have sex, but your body doesn't always respond. And that happens for people of all genders. It's just more challenging for people with penis, it's right, because you can see it Yeah. So it brings with it that extra level of pressure as soon as you've got that pressure, then, as we know, your attention goes elsewhere, your worry increases, that turns down arousal, like turning down the TV, less transfinction.”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Hiding it for all of us our body's arousal response and the degree with which we're turned on in our mind so desire don't actually always match as much as we'd like them to. So I don't know if you've ever had this experience or any of your listeners have but it can be quite common for men to want to be getting in a sexual headspace or actually be feeling desire but not be hard. And because it's a visual sign, sometimes they're partners, whether they're male or female partners, can take that really personally. What does that mean about me?”
2024-02-19 · The Diary of a CEO · The Orgasm Expert: Women Don’t Like Penetrative Sex As Much As Men! This Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex! Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom! - Doctor Karen Gurney · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT