YouSaid · the spoken record

Dr. Erica Komisar

lines on the record: 181
first: 2025-03-03
most recent: 2025-03-03
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“WWW dot commissar komis dot com and also at attachment circles the website should be up and running soon. If you're looking for community and education, come to attachment circles.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh my gosh, I want to know who left You're gonna tell me after Oh boy, what is my obituary say? Generous Compassionate Fervent in her beliefs, stubborn as hell. A good friend, a good mother Wonderful wife.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So deeply that we don't do harm to patients inadvertently with our own issues, so we have to be very, as we say, very organized as a person. But yeah, so that's my personal story and why mothering is so important to me and the vulnerability of babies is so important to me.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I struggled socially and I struggled with my identity impersonally and you know self esteem, I would say. And it wasn't until I went into therapy. Oh, I tried a lot of things in my twenties. I worked in television production. I worked in Capitol Hill. I worked in many different public relations. And in the end, I found myself sitting in my therapist office one day and looking around and saying this is where I want to be. I want to be, I want to do what she does, and I want to help people the way she's helped me. So that relationship with my first therapist and then my second therapist. And, you know, as psychoanalysts, we have to be in treatment for many, many, many years because the point is we have to work on ourselves.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But she couldn't think about me, so there's two things parents have to be able to do for children. They have to be able to feel for them. They have to feel empathy for their pain, for their distress. They cannot look away from their children's pain and distress. You cannot look away. You do not have the luxury of looking away from your children's distress. But you also have to be able to think about them and be able to think about who they are. My mother could feel for me, but she couldn't think about me because she would dissociate. So my own personal pain is having had a loving mother who had some limitations. And so it made me want to be a better mother, but it also made me want to treat people who want to be better mothers and fathers.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, then you'd have to ask me about my own personal story. My personal story just to wrap it up quickly is that my own mother was a very loving mother, but could dissociate and by dissociate she had a lot of trauma as a child, and I think she managed it by emotionally she was like a little girl. She's very sweet, but she was like a little girl. And so I couldn't always feel her. I couldn't, she was like sand that slipped through my fingers. So I can remember the pain, but she was there physically, but I could remember the pain of the absence of her mind, and she could feel for me, which is why I have such compassion.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because somebody has to. Because they're the inconvenient truths that are stopping us from having healthy children who grow into unhealthy adults. And so somebody has to say these things. And if you're too worried about people liking you, then you don't sometimes say what needs to be said. Unfortunately I don't care if people like me, but I do care that people like their children and want to be with their children. So that's why I say these things”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“because that's what society needs it needs healthy children. If you're going to have a child and you need to leave every day at four, so you're home for your children. So flexibility, control, options as much time off in the beginning as possible.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Men and women, whoever is the primary attachment figure, I would say whoever's going to really be responsible for caring for that child. But then give them options, give them choices of how to work in the years that their children are very young, give them options to work part time, or to share a job, or to work from home half of the week so they don't have to leave their child and still they can work. Give them choices and options that allow them for some flexibility and control. If you know that an employee has young children accept the fact that they may need to leave early and not stay as late as other people who don't have children, and that's going to make the people who don't have children angry. And you know what? Tough because that's what those children need. Life isn't fair. It's not always fair. And if you want to have a child, you too could have that. But the idea of exact parody tough.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think we talked about a lot, but I think You know, what I would say is that Presence is just so critical to children, and there's no replacement this idea that we have as a society, that care giving of children is something that can be generically assigned to others, that you can delegate, delegate other things to others, delegate your accounting, delegate your laundry, delegate your cooking. If you're a CEO, delegate everything you can, but spend time with your children. Your relationship with them, their mental health depends upon it. And that's not something we say. We say work, work, work, work, make more money, everybody work, work, work, work, and your children will be just fine. Well, clearly our children are not just fine.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There was a movie, I think it was called Inception, where you could get stuck in a paradigm. You could get stuck in this fantasy, right? In a virtual reality. In a way, they get trapped in this paradigm of perfectionism, social isolation, self-consciousness, which is all the brain in a hyper vigilant state of stress So not good at all, not good for adults, much worse for adolescent brains.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Which you don't want to do chronically. There's lots of problems with that. And in the case of social media, with adolescents, particularly adolescent girls, it takes advantage, I mean, you have to say that this was invented to take advantage. It's not a coincidence. It's manipulatively created because the reason that it's so bad for teenage girls' brains is because the self-consciousness, the perfectionism is all the brain in a hyper alert state of stress and fear. You're putting those girls and boys into a hypervigilant state of fear and stress, right? I have to be perfect. I don't look as good as them. My dress isn't as pretty. So you're putting children into a fear state. And they can't separate from the device. It's like they get”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In an adult than an adolescent. So it's not good because it leads to addiction. It's not good because particularly social media, but all kinds of technology, they get the amygdala going. Remember that little almond shaped stress regulating part of the brain? It turns on the stress reaction.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Raises dopamine levels in your brain, which is why adults get addicted to it too. It's very addictive. And the problem is that with adults, when you look at technology, it does raise your dopamine, but there was some research to show that technology raises a dopamine in an adolescent's brain tenfold to that of so in other words it would be like if you smoked a joint it would you know make you high if an adolescent smoked the same joint it would make them ten times higher it has to do with the the sensitivity of the brain to dopamine and the lack of regulation so um the prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that regulates emotions and it's not fully developed till about twenty five so all that dopamine that has to be regulated is more easily regulated”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I think it's the American pediatric association says no technology under the age of two, for good reason, no iPhones, no iPads, right? You want to sit and watch a mister Rogers when your baby is two together, a rerun of mister Rogers' neighborhood, that's fine. But no technology. After that, you want to really regulate that technology. Now, why is that important? Because technology for”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes and no, because you still need to have testosterone to have a relationship with your wife. I can compartmentalize, I can write a less healthy man might say, I'm going to go out and get it someplace else because I can't get it here. So yeah, I mean, there's nuance to all the questions you're asking, but what I would say is that testosterone going down a little bit when you have a baby in the bed is fine, but the kind of testosterone we're talking about going down when you stay home and nurture. We'll see it could be problematic.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And even the disappointment. I mean, a woman who comes home and sees her husband caring for the children, on the one hand, she might say, oh, my husband's so sweet and lovely and I love that he cares for my children. And on the other hand, she says to her friends, I wish he was bringing in more money and I wish he was taking care, you know, I wish he was taking care of me. So it's problematic.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They have work, they have children, they're relational. And for the most part, historically men found their self esteem for meaningful and purposeful work and also from protecting their families. So what we've done is we've taken their purposeful work outside the home away, we've made their purposeful work staying home with children, and we've lowered the testosterone. So if you look at it and say we're trying to switch, it's like a social experiment. We're trying to change something that's taken thousands of years of evolution to create in just, you know, less than 100 years. And it's, you know, it's problematic. So what would I do? I would talk about it. I would have couples talk about it. I think they need to talk about the competitiveness. I think they need to talk about the envy and the jealousy.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Talk about it. We should be talking about it. We don't talk about this issue. How many times have you heard what I just said? People don't talk about the fact that when you raise, if we're going to flip this around and have men be the nurturers, they're going to have pretty low testosterone. Going to have to supplement their testosterone. And so, you know, and also you take their purpose away evolutionarily and they get depressed. Women have many sources of self esteem.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, I would have little boys educated separately than little girls in the early years. In the early years I would have boys schools and girl schools because little girls learn differently. And also there's been a lot of evidence to show that in the early years when you do single gender education Little girls will try things, will take risks with things that they wouldn't in front of little boys, and little boys will try things that they wouldn't take risks in front of little girls. Like little boys are more likely to try art and painting and music. Little girls are more likely to try STEM and math and all these things that we talk about little girls should do. The idea is that single gender education in the early years is better for little kids because they learn differently.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They sip for 45 minutes or half an hour, but then the boys get time off to run around. And then they'll sit another half an hour and then they'll run around. I mean, they have like four Recyce periods a day. And so that's really better for boys. And little girls have more of a capacity to sit quietly in circle time and sort of, you know, they don't have as much testosterone. They don't have that need to run and jump and play to the same degree that little boys do. They do need to play. We're not letting our kids play boys and girls because we're trying to force left brain development on them too early. But we are forcing little boys into this box and they're not doing well in that box and then they're labeled. They're labeled as having behavioral problems ADHD and that label them follows them through childhood, sometimes into middle school, into high school”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Behavioral problems and in many of them the stress that I talked about is the stress of making little boys be more like little girls. And that's where it starts, and so then they go into childhood, and again the educational system favors the way girls learn, not the way boys learn, how do boys learn. Boys have attention spans for very short periods of time, and then they need lots of physical activity. So ideally, if you go to look at the boys' schools, what do they do? They run the boys like running the dogs in the park”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“kind of a shift in society as a result of this we're already seeing it. I mean the other thing that we're doing is to young boys. Let's talk about what we're doing to young boys. This starts very young. We basically educate young boys in a way that really favors girls. You know, from a very young age we talk about being able to sit quietly and regulate your emotions and not be aggressive and not be impulsive. And these little boys are being diagnosed with ADHD many of them just for being little boys. Little boys need to run around. They have a lot of physical energy. They have tons of testosterone when you're like between three and six you have a surge of testosterone and all you want to do is run and jump and play and be outside. And what we're doing, we're putting them in school, making them sit in circle time. So we marginalize them, we label them, we say they have a problem. We say that they have ADHD.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, there was some research I know that was going on about that, how it affects sex drive, but when your testosterone goes down, it does affect sex drive. We're just not talking about it. So I have anecdotal patience. I have a patient whose wife was a hardcore woman in finance. And he couldn't, he lost interest in her. He had to go out of the marriage and have affairs with women who were more feminine, who were more so he could feel as if he could play that masculine role. He couldn't do that in his marriage. And so, are we going to see”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And then we hope that our evolutionary bodily responses are just going to catch up in merely a century. And it just doesn't, evolution doesn't work like that. It takes hundreds, if not thousands of years to change our bodily evolutionary responses, right? Our instinctual responses. So this is, you know, it's problematic. And also when men's testosterone goes down, they get depressed. So they don't perform sexually well. They get depressed. They feel purposeless. They can't do what they're instinctually supposed to do, which is provide, protect, hunt. You know, we talk about DEI. I mean, why aren't we talking about DEI when it comes to men and women? And honestly, we should be talking about what happens to men when they actually do stay home and nurture their young.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so, if your testosterone is low, you're not going to get it up, right? Which is why there's all this Viagra and these patches and supplements and because it's not instinctually normal for husbands to stay home and nurture their children. And that's the inconvenient truth. How that affects men's and women's sex life when women come home from their banking jobs and their law jobs? Do their husbands not want to have sex with them? And is that breaking up something? So this is all the, I think this is the next wave of we reverse things societally so fast”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's true. There was some studies to talk about how women's testosterone goes up. Women have testosterone. When they're out in the work world fighting like men, that their testosterone goes up, and men's testosterone when they stay home goes down. Now what that's doing for sex lives, there's some research about, you know, that is the next wave, which is what does it do to sex lives because men have to perform. They have to get it up to be crude.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A reason for that, so mammals. When they are nurturing their young, they are They don't want somebody mating with them. Go away, right? So the idea is that when a female nurtures, she doesn't want to have sex, she doesn't want to, right? So the investment in nurturing pushes away the investment in mating.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And by diminishing men so much in terms of our education and professions, we basically take in men's purpose away, they feel purposeless. And the other thing is, and I'm going to say, When men stay home to nurture their children, now remember as mammals we have defined roles, that is not instinctual for men to stay home and nurture the young. It's just it's a reverse of something. And the issue there is that there is an inverse relationship between oxytocin and And testosterone. Higher the oxytocin, guess what?”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“About so the feminist movement was meant to give women choice and to balance off what was imbalanced in society. But there's something vengeful about it, I think, at moments, I feel like there's something vengeful about the modern feminist movement, which is let's get them, let's diminish them, let's take over, let's push them out, let's, you know, let's beat them up, let's get, you know, let's show them who's, I mean, something really vengeful. So for me, the feminist movement was meant to create balance. It wasn't meant to, it wasn't meant to set into play this other kind of imbalance. More than, I think 60% of universities are women now, as well as graduate schools. And so that means, and the studies show that men will marry at their educational level or below. Will only marry at their educational level or above.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, we've taken away their purpose when you take a human being's purpose away. Remember the purpose for men was to protect their family, was to it was to hunt in the old days, feed their families, but it was also to protect their families. It was to provide for their families. And what we've done in reversing everything is although we raised up women and there are certainly positive things about raising up women, but when we raised up women we denigrated men. And I have two sons, so this is very personal for me. And I also see a lot of young men in my practice, young adult men. And what I'll say is that they feel discouraged, they feel purposeless, they feel diminished. And there has been something vengeful, I think.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A young social worker in foster care, and the children who were physically abused by their parents and neglected terribly still wanted to be with their mothers and fathers. They didn't want to be taken away because that was their mother and father and they perceived of that as love. So however we're raised, we perceive of that as love. The problem is if it's not healthy love, then we can neurotically repeat or repeat that in our adult lives.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So that's a father who's negligent, but it still leaves that little, it still can leave that little girl with a strong desire to be loved in that way. So it's like a missing there's a missing piece, right? So you'd say the romantic relationship with the opposite sex parent is a very important part of our sexual development and our relational development, and so it becomes a missing piece for that child who then grows into that adult. If a father was abusive to a little girl, then that little girl may do what we call a neurotic repetition, which is she seeks out abusive men, because that's the only kind of love that she knew or understood. So, you know, you have to remember that children perceive of the relationship with their parent as loving no matter what the parent does to them. I used to work when I was.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, not necessarily, I mean sometimes it's too much trust. I mean, if you are hungry and somebody offers you scraps, you'll take the scraps, right? If you're hungry and somebody says here's some crumbs of a muffin. So the problem is that they”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Their opposite sex parent is not present at all. There's a loss there. So, you know, sometimes what can happen is if you don't have a present father or if your father is really just absent or if he's physically present but emotionally absent, you spend your life looking for that kind of edible connection, that kind of admiration, that kind of love, that kind of for someone to love you in the way that a father loves a little girl.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh three to six to six years old, and I always prepare parents for this, fathers need to reinforce themselves and feel secure enough so when their little boys who have been their buddies and who have loved them when their little boys say bye, daddy, get lost. They don't react, they don't go into a deep depression, they just they hold it and they say, Oh, I get it, you love mommy, that's okay. Same with little girls. If their mothers overreact, become angry at them, reject them, say, oh, you just love your daddy. But if daddies are not present enough for little girls, it does inform. So our first romantic relationships are with our opposite sex parent. So as a little boy, your first romantic relationships with your mother, as a little girl, your first romantic relationships with your father.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, so there's something called edible development, which is sexual development. It's really relational development, but it's sexual development, which is that all little boys Fall in love romantically with their mothers and want to marry them. So all little boys say I want to marry you, mommy, daddy get lost. It's sort of like that. And all little girls want to be Daddy's little princess and marry Daddy and want mommy to get lost. And it's this period of about”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So people feel that they're going to go into therapy and be left defenseless. Now defensiveness, which you mentioned, is a different thing entirely. When someone is defensive, it means that it's an unhealthy defense. It means that you hit something. So when you say to your friend, do you have any childhood trauma? And they say, absolutely not, what are you? That defensiveness as opposed to someone who says You know, I can't think of any. Maybe, maybe, you know, so the ability to introspect about the good and the bad and integrate the good and the bad is a healthy sign. If you have a friend who can't talk about the sadness of their childhood or a friend who can't talk about the happiness, who can't integrate the good and the bad of their childhood, you know something happened there. And if you have a friend.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So that would be what I call it's a defense, but it's an unhealthy defense because what ends up happening is that the parents stop being able to hear them because they complain and the anxiety starts to grade on the parents and the parents pull away, right? And so what would be a better defense for that child is to learn how to express what they need from their parents instead of just saying, I feel anxious or I feel depressed, but to actually say, you know, mom and dad, you don't really spend any time with me. You don't really, and when you're home, you're distracted and you're on your computer and your iPads and you don't really seem that interested in me. And so that's a better way of going about getting the attention that they need. So you're never taking something away from someone unless you have something better to give them. And that's a...”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What if you complained as a child and you went around and said, you know, oh, I'm worried about this and I'm and so in a way it serves a purpose. That anxiety, that complaining, that expression of emotion, it gets the attention from your parents. And suddenly, and I do believe that there's a lot of this going on. A lot of kids are breaking down and saying, I'm anxious, I'm depressed. I do think many of them are, but I also think that many of them need their parents to understand them.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So defenses are important. Defense is protect us. So, and people also have a misunderstanding of what therapy is about. The kind of therapy I'm a psychoanalyst. So we don't, people think you go to therapy and they take your defenses away from you. I would never take someone's defenses away unless I could help them to replace them with healthier defenses. So what we do is an exchange, like you don't take your foot off a landmine unless you have a really big rock to put in its place, right? So if you're going to let go of one defense, you have to trust the person you're working with that you'll find a better, healthier defense to protect you. If you used anxiety In childhood, if you use the anxiety to”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Left there, so to speak, in that container until you come back, but therapy is not for everyone it requires laying down your defenses, it requires the ability to be open and talk about your feelings. There are types of therapies that you can go to if you can't talk about your feelings, things like DBT or CBT. But, you know, for the most part, healing therapy requires being open. It requires trusting”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Okay, so the idea is that to really heal it requires relationships, and those relationships sometimes can be people that you love. The problem with people that you love is that you end up burdening those people with, you can burden, overburden the people that you love with your conflicts, your internal losses. So, you know, if you find yourself using the people that you love like therapists, if you find that you're using the people that you love to deal with past losses, I would say it can corrupt the relationship. So you have to be careful. So the reason to go to a therapist would be to preserve the relationship. It's not that you don't share with the person that you love, but you don't want to overburden your friends or your lovers.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Therapy requires the consistency of a relationship with the therapist because it's through that therapist seeing you through the ups and downs of your life, reflecting your feelings, it's a kind of emotionally reparative experience, but it's not what the therapist says as much as the relationship, the longstanding relationship with the therapist. So what's healing is the relationship rather than the interpretations.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The way that I would put it is it takes a relationship to cause the trauma and it takes another relationship to repair it. So the thing that most people don't understand about therapy and why I really recommend psychodynamic psychotherapy, some people would say psychoanalytic therapy, but a more in-depth kind of therapy that lasts longer is because you develop a relationship. It's not that you're healed from some pithy thing that the therapist says. I mean, I wish I was so smart that I could say this and, you know, everybody would say you're a genius and pay me millions of dollars. Doesn't work like that.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Whatever happens between you and your child, you're trying to be a better parent. You're trying to do things differently, right? You can't take advantage of their good graces and keep pushing them away, pushing them. But repair is possible because the brain is plastic and it's always growing and shrinking until it's not.”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Children need you when they need you, not when you're personally available. And if you miss that window, it's not the end of the world because you can, a word that we use is to repair. You can repair a lot of the damage, but to repair the damage, you can't go back sort of like going to a confessional if you're Catholic. You know, you go in and you say, you know, oh Father, I, you know, I murdered somebody today. And the priest says, well, you know, say 12 Hell Marys. And I don't know. I'm not Catholic, but, you know, but you can't go out and murder again. So if you're going to repair, it means that...”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If you aren't there when the door opens on its own, on their terms, if you're not there when they're coming out to get a snack or to take a pee or to take a break from their studying, if you are not there then and open for business for communication, the door closes again So it goes back to this idea that”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Get a second chance. And what do you do? I want people to read the book because it's more nuanced than what I'm saying. A lot of what you should have done in the first three years. Got to be there. You got to be there in a different way. You're not going to, I mean, they're not little little, so but when they come home from school, if you are not there, when the door swings open, everybody knows the teenagers close their doors if they have doors. And that's their way of saying my defenses are up, go away. If parents work really hard and then they come home and they go knock knock knock I'm here to spend time with you how is your day? That door's closed closed baby closed”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's called chicken little the sky isn't falling, raising resilient adolescence in the new age of anxiety if that isn't a mouthful. Do you know what the title of the book was supposed to be? It was supposed to be second chances”
2025-03-03 · The Diary of a CEO · Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT