YouSaid · the spoken record

Emily Nagoski

lines on the record
113
first
2019-09-17
most recent
2019-09-17
sittings or episodes
1
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podcast

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  1. “And mom says, Yes, honey, that's your clitoris. And the little girl goes, My clitoris is my favorite. So she's probably not going to remember that moment, but it will accumulate with countless other moments and shape how she feels about her own parts.”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  2. “What would he have said if his baby had touched her feet instead? I mean, we get so excited when our babies touch their feet, right? They're cut your feet. Oh, that's so cute. But when this little girl found her clitoris, Dad was just like, no. She's not going to remember this moment, but it will accumulate with countless other similar moments so that by the time she gets to adolescence, she doesn't know where she got this idea. But the idea of her own genitals disgusts and horrifies her, and she feels like it doesn't even belong to her. Versus I was giving a workshop for a group of therapists on a college campus, and afterwards, one of the therapists told me that her daughter, who was at the time two years old, at the time of the story, was bouncing on one of those bouncy balls. And she goes, mommy, this feels really good”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  3. “There's actually an evidence based answer for that. You start early, you repeat it over and over again, and you begin with simple stuff about relationships and, you know, like body part names. Okay, I'm going to tell you two contrasting stories. One is of a woman who read Come As You Are, and then she tweeted me that she then watched her adult brother change his baby daughter's diaper. And when the little baby daughter was all clean, he went to get the diaper and she reached down and touched her own genitals. And dad goes, ah, don't touch that. So, what's she learning in that moment that that part of her body doesn't belong to her to touch and do it as she pleases? What would he have said if his baby had a penis instead?”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  4. “Like, take off your shoes when you come inside because you're bringing dirt from outside to like, I'm only going to eat clean, the like purity of our food. The spirit basically the Purity Scientity Foundation isn't just at work in sexuality, but I think it is the most powerful explanation for why we have moral reactions to just a conversation about genitals.”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  5. “But people have this sort of like squick reaction, sex educators use this term squick. It refers to the discomfort, the withdrawal, the shock and disgust that we feel it comes from spending your entire life being raised with these weirdly mixed messages that sex is a dangerous and disgusting source of everlasting shame. And if you're not really good at it, no one's ever going to love you, how do you make those two things work? They both make sex a source of fear and shame and need you to hide it. So Jonathan Heights' research on the moral foundations offers one of the moral foundations is the shame disgust withdrawal, which is about purity and sanctity. This foundation is the one that I think is most involved in our reaction to sexuality and our fear of talking about it. It's sort of everything from”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  6. “Now we can talk about it a little bit. You're making hand gestures and talking about penises and vulvas and vaginas and clitorises and vaginal penetration. And oh, let's talk about fluids too.”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  7. “Different, it's a girl packages and several different, it's a boy packages, they are also all the same parts, just organized in different ways, and there's nothing wrong or broken about any of them as long as there's no unwanted pain or infection. They're all just different variations on the way bodies can look.”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  8. “It's only when we begin thinking about our anatomy in these homologous terms that we really recognize the complexities of all of our different parts. What it also means is we're all made of the same parts, organized in different ways. One other example of homology is the scrotum. Next time you're up close in person with a scrotum, you'll see a seam that goes down the center. It's called the scrotal rafi. That is where that person scrotum knits together. But if things have been a little different in the chromosomal or hormonal environment, that person's body would have developed labia instead in a fetus that's actually called the labio scrotal tissue. It's all the same parts just organized in different ways. We can see that it really is all the same parts organized in different ways, but also if we look at several”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  9. “No. There's all this other stuff going on. There's a chef that's made of three spongy chambers and there's all this skin that covers it. Same goes for the clitoris. There's all this skin that covers the head. And there's three spongy chambers that extend deep into the tissue. And in fact, for the penis, you can actually push down along the shaft and you'll feel how the shaft extends deep into the body. There's much more going on with the penis than just the part we can see on the outside. Same goes for the clitoris. There's like all this stuff going on deep inside. In fact, the spongy bodies of the internal structures of a clitoris extend all of the way down to the mouth of the vagina so that we think for some people vaginal penetration actually results in stimulation of these internal parts of the clitoris.”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  10. “Same origin, not same function. That's an important difference. So the clitoris is the biological homologue of the penis. But more crucially, the external part of the clitoris, the glands clitoris, glands is the Latin word for acorn. No, I don't know why. Why that's the word they, I guess. But it's the homologue for the glands penis, which is just the head of the penis. Is the head of the penis all there is to the penis?”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  11. “Sure. The thing I say over and over, I think in literally every chapter of the book is that we're all made of the same parts, just organized in different ways. And one of the reasons why, for example, I think it's so important to differentiate between the vagina and the vulva is because the names we call things shapes how we think about it, right? So if I was trying to explain to you what your face was and how your face works and I was using the word nose, you'd get really confused because your nose is one prominent feature, but they'd be missing a whole lot of other parts, right? So when we use the language of vagina, we're talking about one feature and ignoring a whole bunch of other important parts like the clitoris. So the clitoris is the biological homologue coming from the original, the same origin.”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  12. “I'm so glad you asked that question. So, the Vulva is the technical term for the external package of the genitalia that on the day a baby is born. If people see it, they go, it's a girl, it doesn't necessarily mean that that person is going to grow up and identify as a girl, but it's very likely that on that day people are going to see that package of genitalia and start raising that person as a girl. The vagina is the internal reproductive canal. It's where menstrual blood and babies come out. And if they're into it, penises fingers and toys can go in.”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  13. “Almost none of the sex humans have ever had is reproductive, even before there was hormonal contraception. There was not a statistically significant relationship between frequency of sex and number of pregnancies. So, almost none of the sex we have is reproductive. It's primary function for us as a species as a social behavior.”

    2019-09-17 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · #66 Dr. Emily Nagoski: Pleasure is the Measure · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT